♪ Come and listen to my
story about a man named Jed ♪
♪ A poor mountaineer,
barely kept his family fed ♪
♪ And then one day, he
was sh**ting at some food ♪
♪ And up through the ground
come a-bubbling crude ♪
♪ Oil, that is ♪
♪ Black gold ♪
♪ Texas tea ♪
♪ Well, the first thing you
know, old Jed's a millionaire ♪
♪ The kinfolk said, "Jed,
move away from there" ♪
♪ Said, "Californy is the
place you ought to be" ♪
♪ So they loaded up the truck
and they moved to Beverly ♪
♪ Hills, that is ♪
♪ Swimming pools, movie stars. ♪
Hello, Mr. Clampett.
Howdy, Miss Jane.
You're just in time to say
good-bye to Granny and Elly May.
Where are they going?
Well, Granny was called
back home on doctor business,
and Elly May is going along.
Doctor business?
Yeah, you see, Luke
Short's girl is having a baby,
so, naturally, they
sent for Granny
to fetch it into the world.
She's going all the way
back to the hills for that?
That's right.
Well, don't they have
anyone back there?
Oh, sure, but Luke Short
owns the general store,
and he can afford the
best for his daughter.
And that's Granny?
Ain't none better.
Funny she ain't had
no calls out here.
Well, Beverly Hills
is full of obstetricians.
Set in their ways, huh?
Yes.
Jed, here's the...
- Oh, hello, Miss Jane.
- Granny.
Here's the boiled eggs
and the fried chicken
to eat on the train.
I hope you enjoy your trip.
I'm a doctor, Miss Jane.
To me, this is just
a long house call.
It's a good thing
you're here, Miss Jane.
Don't look like Jethro's
gonna get back in time
to take us to the train.
Well, Granny, it's
two hours till train time.
Yeah, we ought to be
at the depot right now.
Tell Elly to get a move on.
I don't like to cut
things this close.
Oh, I'm sure you'll make it.
But why are you going by train?
Oh, Luke Short sent me a ticket
and five dollars expense money.
You're joking.
Oh, no.
When it comes to
Luke's daughters,
he don't care what he spends.
Well, what about Elly's ticket?
Oh, Jed's paying for that.
Elly ain't never
rode a train before.
It'll be a big thrill for her.
Besides, she just might meet up
with a good-looking
drummer or a candy butcher.
Come on in.
- Howdy, Miss Jane.
- Elly.
Granny, how come I
have to wear this scarf?
To keep the cinders and
the soot out of your hair.
You can tell she ain't
never rode no train.
How long since
you've ridden one?
1902.
Rode the C & R Thunderbolt
from Sibley to Bug Tussle.
Covered that 18
miles in one hour flat.
Broke the record.
Jethro back yet?
No, but you got pert near, uh...
If we miss that train,
he's gonna get spanked
'stead of the baby!
Elly, fetch my doctor's
bag. It's in the kitchen.
Yes'm, Granny.
I'll see that they
don't miss the train,
- but where is Jethro?
- Well, he said he was going
into town to get
something for him and me.
The boy is really
looking forward
to the two of us batching it.
Well, if I can be
of any assistance...
Well, thank you kindly, but
I was hoping to use the time
to, uh, get better
acquainted with Jethro.
You know, hunting, fishing,
camping out... man-to-man stuff.
I understand.
Jed! Jethro's back!
Cut me a hickory switch!
Now hold on, Granny.
The boy's back
in plenty of time.
It ain't that.
Wait till you see what
he brung with him.
Well, here it is, Kitty Kats.
Is that a bachelor pad, or
is that a bachelor pad, huh?
- Groovy - Great!
Oh, meow!
See?!
What in tarnation?
Why, those girls are from
the Beverly Hills Kitty Kat Klub.
You women wait inside.
I'll tend to this.
Here, Uncle Jed, come
meet your Kitty Kats.
Is this the uncle
with all the catnip?
No, ma'am, just money.
Did you say my Kitty Kats?
Well, these two is yours.
This here big one is mine.
Jethro!
Well, I couldn't find
another one this size.
Won't you settle
for the two regulars?
You girls excuse us.
Now, you take them girls right
back where they come from.
I am. I just brung
'em by on approval.
Couldn't have done that,
except I borrowed
Mr. Drysdale's Kitty Kat Klub Key.
I figured that's where
we'll start tonight.
Then we'll go on out
to the Rabbit Hutch
and dance with a
couple of cottontails.
And then to the Bear's Den.
They got Teddy Bears there.
And then we'll go
to the Deer Club.
They call their girls "Fawns."
- And then we'll go...
- And then no place.
Yeah, that's enough
for the first night.
Boy, you been saying the
hunting was poor in Beverly Hills.
They's plenty of game if
you know where to look.
I can't wait any longer!
All you girls clear out!
On your feet!
Jed!
Jed, Elly and me is
gonna miss our train!
Now, calm down, Granny.
Miss Jane, I wonder
if you'd drive these Kitty
Kats back to their club?
Of course. The red convertible.
Scat!
Uh, tell Mr. Drysdale we
won't be needing his key.
Oh, yes, we will, Uncle Jed.
Without the keys,
we won't be able
to get into any of the clubs.
You get into some
decent clothes.
You and me is going home
with Granny and Elly May.
- Home? You mean the hills?
- That's right.
- All four of you are going?
- Yep.
Well, why can't we
stay here, Uncle Jed?
Because you're too
young to chase cats,
and I'm too old to chase you.
Aw, gee.
Here's Granny's doctor
bag, Pa. Can we leave now?
We's all leaving, Elly.
Well, then, come on,
'cause we's gonna be late!
Aw, come on, Uncle
Jed, change your mind!
Listen to reason!
We can have a
swinging time here!
But who's gonna
look after my critters?
Don't you think you
should talk to Mr. Drysdale
before you make a decision?
Hey, Uncle Jed...!
Hey, we've got to
get back to the club.
You stay out of this!
Here you are, Chief.
Here are your keys to
the Kitty Kats, Cottontails,
Teddy Bears and the Fawns.
And I think you should know
they have unlocked a
Pandora's box of trouble.
Oh, now, now, relax.
I only loaned them to Jethro
so he and his Uncle
Jed wouldn't get bored
and follow Granny and
Elly back to the hills.
Well, you have succeeded.
They are not following them.
Good.
They're going with them.
What? All four of 'em?
The whole family?!
Correct.
W-We may never see them again.
Or their money.
That $50 million may end
up in the Bank of Bug Tussle.
Why did you let them go?
How could I stop them?
Throw yourself in
front of the truck!
Chief!
Well, you've got
hospitalization!
Granny's the key.
Stop her and we stop them all.
Granny has been called home
in her capacity as a doctor.
Only a similar emergency
would keep her here.
There, you see?
If you'd have thrown
yourself in front of the truck,
we'd be all set!
No cooperation!
Chief, she's going
home to deliver a baby!
Then we'll have to
come up with one!
See if any of the bank
employees are expecting.
Well, if they were, they'd
already have a doctor.
On what I'm paying
them, don't be too sure.
Oh, really!
Now, you talk with some of those
budget-minded young marrieds,
tell them they'll have
free maternity care
- and a ten-dollar bonus.
- You are raving.
In the first place,
there isn't time.
In the second place...
- The Brewsters!
- What?
I just remembered, the
Brewsters are going to have a baby.
Well, they're adopting one.
Well, Granny doesn't
have to know that.
Not for a while anyway.
Where are the Clampetts?
Probably on the train by now.
- Well, I've got to stop them.
- How?
The engineer will stop
if he sees a body
lying across the tracks.
Chief, no! It's too dangerous!
Oh, don't be silly.
I'll be standing there waving
my hat and pointing to you.
Oh! I'm so glad we caught you.
I want the Brewsters to have
the best doctor in the business.
They got her.
And they got you to thank
for stopping that train.
Bravest thing I
ever did hear tell of.
Engineer said somebody
laid right down on the tracks.
I reckon that was Mr. Drysdale.
Now, please, let's
not talk about it.
That sure must have
been something to see.
Just watching it
scared Miss Jane.
She's still sitting in
the car white as a sheet
and shaking like a leaf.
You know women.
Well, we's all might happy
to hear that the Brewsters
is expecting a young'un.
And you and Miss Jane can
take me right over to see 'em.
Oh, she doesn't know yet...
that I was able to get you.
I'll-I'll tell them
the good news.
Well, you tell
Mr. Brewster not to worry.
I ain't lost a father yet.
That's a joke us doctors
always use at a time like this.
Oh! Very funny, too.
Well, you get unpacked,
and I'll con the...
contact the Brewsters.
Chief, Mr. and Mrs.
Brewster are here.
Hello, Milburn.
John! Edythe!
Congratulations! I
heard about the baby.
Oh, thank you.
Come on over and
sit down, little mother.
Mr. Drysdale, we're
adopting the baby.
Yes, I know. Sit down.
Ooh, I've got some
marvelous news for you.
You, too, John. Sit down.
All right, Milburn,
well-well, what is it?
I have solved your
biggest problem for you.
Really? What's that?
Yes, I've gotten
you a baby nurse.
Oh, Chief!
I would like this door and
your mouth kept closed.
Milburn, that's
very nice of you,
- but we're not going to have a baby nurse.
- What?
No, Edythe wants to take
care of the baby herself.
Yes, I'm really
looking forward to it.
But-but this is my gift
to you, my surprise gift.
Oh, Granny will be
awfully disappointed.
- Granny?
- Granny?
That's the surprise part.
You don't mean Granny Clampett?
The little hillbilly woman?
What makes you
think she's a hillbilly?
I was the one who found
the Clampetts, remember?
They were living in a shack
so far back in the woods
that Granny had to make her
own soap out of lye and possum fat.
John, since then, they
have spent four years
living in a mansion
in Beverly Hills.
That's enough possum fat, Elly,
but you might dump
in a little more lye.
Ah! That's enough.
Soap has to be
mild for baby's skin.
Granny, how soon you
going to the Brewsters?
Don't know, boy.
Whenever I get my call.
I've delivered babies all
hours of the day and night.
That's part of being a doctor.
Well, how long
you figure to stay?
Don't know that neither.
This being Mrs. Brewster's
first young'un, might take a spell.
Aw.
Worried about me
being gone, are ya?
Yes, ma'am.
If you come back too
soon, you'll spoil everything.
What?
I'm gonna turn this place
into one of them key clubs
with them pretty girls
running around in costumes.
- You are, Jethro?
- Yes, ma'am.
I'm gonna call it
The Possum Pen.
My Possums is gonna
make them Kitty Kats look
like a bunch of hound dogs!
Can I be one of your Possums?
Well, maybe. I'll see.
If that's what you're
planning to do,
I ain't leaving this house!
Granny, you're too
old to be a Possum.
I'll possum you!
Don't get riled, Granny!
We'll see how you look
in one of them costumes.
Why, you...!
Howdy, Mr. Brewster.
Jed.
Congratulations.
Mr. Drysdale told us
about the new
boarder that's a-coming.
Well, thank you, Mr. Clampett.
You must be a happy man.
Where's Mrs. Brewster?
Oh, she's at home
getting the nursery ready.
Well, you tell her not
to bother about a cradle.
Minute we heard the good
news, I dug this one up.
Been in the family
a lot of years.
Last baby to use it was Jethro.
Oh, really?
Yeah, that's the reason I'm
putting in some more slats.
Jethro gnawed right
through a couple of them.
A baby did this?
Funny thing about Jethro:
he was born with
a full set of teeth.
Just like a beaver.
Well, that's incredible.
Jethro went to eating right off.
Since he was three months
old, he sat at the table
and matched the
grown-ups jowl for jowl.
Well, uh, Edythe and I
appreciate your interest
in the baby, Mr. Clampett,
and Mr. Drysdale told us
how he has
Granny all lined up...
Oh, yeah, she's
looking forward to it.
She's out back right
now making baby soap.
Yes, yes.
Well, uh, you thank
her for us, but...
Now, now, it's us
that's beholden to you.
We was poor as folks could
get till you bought our oil.
Well... Why, till
you come along,
we was living mostly on
paw-paws and high wind.
Well, uh, getting back to
Granny helping with the baby,
uh, you tell her that Edythe
has decided to do it all herself.
The dickens you say.
No, she wants it that way.
I heard about that
back in the hills,
but ain't that kind of
unusual for a city woman?
Yes, it is, and I'm
very proud of her.
Well, thanks again.
Oh, Mr. Brewster, uh,
I got to admit, your
wife's mighty spunky,
but this being her
first young'un, uh,
hadn't she better
have Granny around?
Well, let's let
Edythe try it her way.
She's been reading
books, attending classes
and lectures and...
Well, that's all well and good,
but, uh, I'd have
her talk to Granny.
You can't b*at 56
years of experience.
No.
Well, I'll-I'll pass
that along to Edythe.
Oh, by the way, uh, when is
the young one due to arrive?
Well, we don't know yet.
We're waiting for
somebody to tell us.
Have you seen that...?
Is that Mr. Brewster
driving away?
Yep.
How soon they
gonna need my help?
They need it right now,
but they don't want it.
Don't want it?!
Do you mean that
Mr. Drysdale pulled us off
that train for nothing?
Now, hold on, Granny,
it wasn't his fault.
Mrs. Brewster
got it into her head
that she's gonna have
this baby all by herself.
That little pampered city woman?
Yeah, she's been
reading books and such,
and she figures
she can handle it.
When's it due?
They're waiting for
somebody to tell them.
Jed, I'd better get over
there and see her right away.
Where's Jethro?
He went flying out of here
on the truck a little while ago.
That suet-brain!
I'm gonna smoke his
haunches till he can sit
in the tub and heat
his own bathwater!
Now, Granny.
Ah, mark my words, Jed,
he's chasing after
them Kitty Kats again.
I don't think he
can without a key.
Dear sir, this is to
advise you that on...
Excuse me, Mr. Drysdale,
uh, here's your key back.
Why don't you keep it, Jethro?
I don't need it. I'm
opening up my own club.
The Possum Pen.
- What?
- Jethro.
I'm going around collecting
the most beautiful girls in town.
Can I borrow Miss Jane?
Oh!
J-Jethro, why would you want me?
To drive your car.
My truck's full.
No, thank you.
Well, then, could you
do me another favor?
Here, Kitty Kats.
Reckon you can change these
kitty costumes into possums?
No, thank you.
Jethro, are you
serious about this?
I sure am.
And I told the girls I'd
double their pay, yeah.
You can't do that!
Who says he can't?
She does.
Oh, Chief, surely
you're not afraid of a girl!
Course not.
- Come on, either one of you.
- Sorry, Mr. Drysdale.
I don't want nothing to
happen to my Kitty Kats...
I mean, Possums.
You mean chickens!
John, can't we just drive
around till we pick up the baby?
I've never been so
nervous in my life.
Now, now, darling, be calm.
Millions of people
have adopted babies.
Oh, it's not that.
It's stopping here
at the Clampetts
that's got me terrified.
Sweetheart, we've
been here before.
That's why I'm terrified.
Every time we've come
through those gates,
it's ended up a nightmare.
Well, this time, they're not
going to impound us overnight.
We've got a perfect
excuse for leaving.
We're picking up
our baby at 3:00.
John, I've got an idea.
Let's go straight to
the adoption agency.
Then you can pace
the floor till 3:00.
In fact, I'll pace with you.
Edythe, try to understand,
my company leases
its biggest oil field
from the Clampetts.
Besides, they're wonderful,
kind, well-meaning people.
Well, all right.
Now, they do understand
that I'm not going to
have a baby nurse?
Yes, I've explained
everything to Mr. Clampett.
Just, uh, let Granny think
she's giving you some advice.
It'll make her happy, huh?
Come on.
Hey, that looks dandy.
Pink and blue, huh?
Well, we don't know whether
it's gonna be a girl or a boy.
This way, we can just
untie the color it ain't.
Well, speaking of the
proud parents to be.
- Come in, come in.
- Thank you, Mr. Clampett.
- I'm happy to see you.
- Well, thank you, Granny.
- Congratulations.
- Elly May.
We got your cradle
all ready for you.
Cradle?
Yes, dear, this-this
fine old cradle has been
in the Clampett
family for years.
They're gonna let us use it.
Jethro was the last baby in it.
This here was his rattle.
And this was the cowbell
we used to tie around his neck
so he wouldn't get lost.
When Jethro was a
baby, he used to crawl off
into the woods a
lot, looking for food.
Uh, well, Jethro was born
with a full set of teeth, dear.
Just like a beaver.
Well, uh, we'll just
take this cradle out
- and put it in the car.
- I'll give you a hand.
Oh, thank you.
Yes, thank you.
Elly, you go outside
with the menfolks.
I want to have a little
talk with Mrs. Brewster.
Yes'm, Granny.
Edythe, Jed tells me
that according to,
uh, your husband,
you want to take care
of everything yourself
when the baby comes.
Yes, I do.
I've been reading books
and going to classes
and lectures, and I feel
I'm ready for John Jr.
John Jr.
Want a boy, huh?
Well, it's what John wants,
so that's what we decided on.
You decided?
Yes, we're going to
pick him up at 3:00.
Pick him up?
At the Beverly
Hills Baby Service.
The Beverly Hills Baby Service?
Yes.
I-I thought you
knew all about this.
Honey, it ain't me
that don't know.
What?
Why don't you take your
coat off and be comfortable.
You and me got
a lot to talk about.
I-I don't really have much time.
Darling, do you
know what we forgot?
The baby basket.
You're right, we did.
- Baby basket?
- Yes, to put our boy in.
We're going to
go get him at 3:00.
Uh-huh.
From that Beverly
Hills Baby Service.
That's right.
Oh, John, I'm so excited.
I can't believe the big
moment is almost here.
I know just how
you feel, sweetheart.
We've waited a
long time for this day.
Oh, yes.
Well, come on, let's get the
basket and go pick up the baby.
I hope we won't
have to stand in line.
We won't. All we have to
do is give them the money.
Hold it.
Oh?
Didn't you finish your
advice to Edythe?
Didn't even get started.
Both of you better set down.
We haven't time
for that now, Granny.
No, no, we'll stop on our way
home and show you John Jr.
- Good-bye, Granny.
- Bye.
Uh, good-bye, Mr. Clampett.
- Oh, see you later.
- So long.
Where they going
in such a hurry?
You wouldn't believe
me if I told you.
Try me.
They're going to a
baby store to buy a baby.
You're right. I
don't believe you.
Jed, it beats
anything I ever heared.
How folks can
get to be their age
and still be green as grass.
Well, hadn't we ought to
try to straighten them out?
Don't worry.
They'll be back,
with a broken heart.
Then is when they's
gonna need us.
Pa, Jethro's back.
And wait till you see what
he's got with him this time.
What in tarnation?
Uncle Jed, I couldn't
find no possum outfits,
but we can still
have a key club.
We'll call it the Haunted House,
and these girls will be spooks.
Granny, you were supposed
to be over at the Brewsters'.
We can't have a swinging
key club with you around.
Jed, you'll have
to take care of this.
I got to figure out some way
to help them poor Brewsters.
Come on, Elly, I
got a notion stirring.
What do you think, Uncle Jed?
You ain't saying nothing.
That ain't easy.
The whole thing
was Miss Jane's idea.
She rounded up the
girls and everything.
Boo!
She's my head spook.
I contrived this notion to
keep an eye on the dear boy.
Miss Jane, can I see
what the girls look like now
- without their sheets on?
- Of course.
All right, girls, take them off.
All right, that's enough.
Put them back on.
Everybody back in the truck.
All right, Elly,
come on, fetch it in.
Granny, I just seen the
Brewsters come through the gate.
Good, we got it just in time.
Come on, Elly!
You got what?
It's a baby for the Brewsters.
You got a what?
Jed, they's all built up to hear
the patter of little
feet in that nursery.
Granny says they got to have
something to love and fuss over.
At least until I can explain
a few things to them.
You got them a baby?
Well, not exactly, but it's
as close as we could come.
Ain't he cute?
Well, yeah, he's cute all right,
but I-I don't hardly
think they're gonna be
satisfied with this.
Well, it's better than coming
home with an empty basket.
Granny?
Yeah, we's in the
kitchen, Mr. Brewster.
Cheer up, folks, we got you
something to put in your basket.
Here it is.
Now, don't let it near the baby!
Baby?
By doggies, they did
get a baby. Looky there.
That's John Jr.
Oh, isn't he beautiful?
Handsome, dear,
handsome... Not beautiful.
And you got him at the
Beverly Hills Baby Service?
That's right.
And we've got our
order in for three more.
Well, we wanted you
to have the first look.
Come on, dear.
- I'll see you to the door.
- Oh, thank you.
I'll be back later for
that advice, Granny.
Forget it, honey.
Just let me borry some of
them books you been reading.
All right.
What books, Granny?
I don't know, but as
soon as I read them,
you and me's gonna
have a long talk.
Well, we done had a long talk.
I know.
But it appears things have moved
ahead considerable since my day.
♪ Well, now it's time
to say good-bye ♪
♪ To Jed and all his kin ♪
♪ And they would
like to thank you folks ♪
♪ Fer kindly droppin' in ♪
♪ You're all invited back
next week to this locality ♪
♪ To have a heapin'
helpin' of their hospitality ♪
♪ Hillbilly, that is ♪
♪ Set a spell ♪
♪ Take your shoes off ♪
♪ Y'all come back now, y'hear? ♪