[♪♪♪]
Ah, finished.
I love recycling.
Michelle, if you're
the one trying to earn
the Honeybee
environmental badge,
How come we're
doing all the work?
I don't know.
But keep working
while I think about it.
[JESSE FREDERICK'S
"EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK" PLAYING]
♪ Ahh-ahh-ahh-ahhh ♪
♪ Ahhh ♪
♪ Whatever happened
To predictability ♪
♪ The milkman The paperboy ♪
♪ Evenin' TV? ♪
♪ Ahhh-ahhh ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ There's a heart ♪
♪ There's a heart ♪
♪ A hand to hold on to ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ There's a face ♪
♪ Of somebody who needs you ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ When you're lost out
there And you're all alone ♪
♪ A light is waitin'
To carry you home ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Ahh-ahh-ahh-ahhh ♪
♪ Dooby-doo-baa-ba-daa ♪
[♪♪♪]
Hey Michelle, here
are some pizza boxes
for your recycling project.
Thank you, Joey.
Where'd you get all those?
Under my bed.
Joey, you keep pizza
boxes under your bed?
Well Becky, I gotta
put 'em somewhere.
My nightstand's
covered with doughnuts.
What's in your sock
drawer, nachos?
Hey, stay outta
my stuff, would ya?
Hey, guys.
Hey. Hello.
Hey, Michelle, before
D.J. left on that ski trip,
she told me about your
little recycling project,
so I went ahead and made
this for you in shop class.
It's called the
Steve-O-Matic can crusher.
Steve, I didn't know
you were so mechanical.
Yeah, well, my shop teacher
says I got metal in my blood.
Okay, fine, he said
it was in my skull.
But, uh, anyway,
what you do is,
you take the can,
you put it in here,
you turn the wheel,
and the metal plate
slowly crushes the can.
Don't worry, okay?
Because I've built
in another option.
Great. Pretty good.
DANNY: Impressive.
Hey, everybody.
Hey.
Uncle Jesse, how'd you
do on your English final?
See for yourself.
Oh, Jess, don't
tell me you failed.
You won't graduate.
All that hard work
and studying and...
You got an A.
Gotcha.
Don't do that to me!
I hate it when you
do that to me! Okay!
Just don't hit.
The hair, the hair.
Hey, congratulations, Jess.
You're a high school graduate.
Not till Saturday night.
They have a big
ceremony at the civic center
for all the high
school graduates.
And you know
what's really amazing?
Yeah. If you rub Comet's belly,
his foot shakes really fast.
What's really amazing is,
I am giving a
commencement speech.
Jess, that's wonderful.
Yeah. My teacher said
I was a good example,
because, uh, you know, I
was a guy who dropped out,
and dropped back in,
and made good, so...
Wow, you're an inspiration.
Oh, no, Steve, I'm
not an inspiration.
Maybe a darn good
role model, though.
It's gonna be so cool, gonna
be thousands of people there.
All my old teachers, my
old principal, the mayor.
All these people
who knew me before
when I was a screwup, right.
And they said I'd never make it.
Well, the mayor never said that,
but if he knew me,
he would have said it.
Wait'll they see you now. Yeah.
What are you going
to say in your speech?
I don't know. Probably
something like, uh...
[CLEARS THROAT]
good evening, fellow
graduates and all those
who thought I was a loser.
Na, na, na-na, na!
Well, it should be
easy to memorize.
You know, Jess, you oughta
give it some serious thought
because people are going
to remember that speech
for the rest of their
lives, if it's any good.
Or if your fly's open.
[♪♪♪]
When you learn
how to learn, then...
That, there, then
is when you're really
learning something about lear...
What am I saying? I'm nuts.
[BABBLES]
Yeah, I know how you guys feel.
You've been working
on that puzzle all week,
I've been working
on this speech.
You guys wanna switch?
Okay, let me read this to you.
Come on, guys. Let me, uh...
Let me read this
thing, and I'll...
I'll bounce it off
you, if you will.
You guys give me a little
feedback. Okay, here we go.
"Dear fellow graduates"... Yay!
Yay!
Thank you. Please, hold
your applause till the end.
Ahem. Okay.
"What I'm about to say,
"may be the most important thing
that you'll ever hear."
That's all I got.
What do you think?
[BOTH BLOW RASPBERRIES
I know. It stinks.
Guys, what am I gonna do?
I gotta give this big speech
in a couple hours in front
of thousands of people,
and you know
what? I got nothing.
That's it, son. That's
it... That's the last piece.
Good. Get it in there.
Good boy. All right!
Yay! Yay!
Look at this. The
cape, the suit.
Every kid's favorite
superhero, Elvis.
Elvis! Elvis!
Heh, heh, heh. Elvis!
You guys are so cool.
When you really wanted
to learn something,
You didn't give up.
You just kept
going until you got it.
I'm proud of you
boys. I'm proud of you.
Give daddy a kiss.
Give me a kiss.
Mwah. Mwah.
Thank you, guys.
Hey, wait a minute.
You goobers just gave me
a great idea for my speech.
High-fives. Give me a high-five.
All right, high-five!
I'm here.
Your rug rat wrangler.
Listen, Kimmy, I
really appreciate this,
but fair warning, okay? The
boys are much more active
than the last time
you babysat them,
especially Nicky.
Yesterday he got into
Jesse's sock drawer.
It was so cute. He
mismatched every pair.
There were tube
socks with argyles.
Oh, that's a classic.
Can I get paid up front, please?
Just keep your
eye on them, okay?
Hey, whatever you want.
You're the baby owner.
Thanks.
The boys are upstairs.
Oh, and tell Jesse to hurry up
or he's gonna
miss his graduation.
Okay, I'll tell him.
Hey, hair boy, get
your butt down here!
Hey, Becky? I got
a great new idea
for our Wake Up, San
Francisco anniversary show.
Well, what about my
idea about interviewing
new women senators
from California
and discussing the changing
roles of women in Washington?
That's cute.
How about some guy stuff
for a change, you know?
Like me sparring a few
rounds with George Foreman.
That is, if old
George can handle
my famous one-two
combination. Hoo ha! Hyah!
Danny, the Golden Girls
could handle your
one-two combination.
Joey, we saved this
last brownie for you.
Don't you want it?
No, thank you.
Are you sure?
The man said no.
Actually, girls, I'm
saving my appetite.
You see, next
to the civic center
there's the world's
greatest sandwich shop.
El Bloato's,
home of the sloppy
two-footer. Heh, heh.
Yep, sounds like good eatin'.
Hey, everybody. I
finished my speech.
Oh, great. Let's hear it.
No, no. I will give no
speech before it's time.
I can't wait to
get up there, man.
Spotlight hits me and
I see all those people
who thought I'd
never make it, and I...
Get a picture.
Okay, everybody. Let's roll.
Jesse and Rebecca,
you go with Joey.
Steph and Michelle,
you ride with me.
You're gonna love this trip.
I got a new tape,
I sent away for it,
Great TV Show Themes.
It has my favorite
on it, Bonanza.
[SINGS THEME FROM BONANZA]
Danny, Danny, Danny,
please, please, please.
I... I hate that song.
When I was a kid,
my dentist used to hum
that when he was drilling me.
Every time I hear
it, it kills my teeth.
Sorry. Guess I struck a nerve.
Ha, ha, ha!
Okay, let's roll.
Wait.
Why are we going in two cars?
Because we can't
all fit in one car.
We can all fit in the subway.
It's better for the planet.
That's a good idea.
You know what?
We'll take the muni.
It doesn't matter. Let's
take a car, truck, pogo stick.
People, we got to go. I
have a speech to give.
We're out of here.
[HUMS THEME FROM BONANZA]
[HUMS ELGAR'S "POMP
AND CIRCUMSTANCE"]
All right, come on, everybody.
Find a seat.
Next stop, my graduation.
Daddy, you have
a funny mustache.
You know I don't
have a mustache.
You do in that picture.
Ha, ha, ha, ha!
Oh, that's disgraceful.
Come on, Michelle,
let's go sit over here.
Girls, wait a second.
I'll go sit with them.
Thanks.
Excuse me.
Can I get in here?
Excuse me.
Excuse me, sir.
Littering is bad for the Earth.
And what are you,
the planet monitor?
No, but I would like to be.
Michelle, he's not
gonna listen to a kid.
Joey, tell this
guy not to litter.
Yeah, tell him, Joey.
Yeah, tell him, Joey.
Ooh, ooh, ooh!
You're Danny Tanner from
Wake Up, San Francisco.
How did you recognize
him without the mustache?
And you're Rebecca Donaldson.
I must say, you're
even prettier in person.
Oh, thank you.
Actually, I meant Danny.
Oh.
Thank you.
Don't hate me
because I am beautiful.
[TAPPING LOUDLY]
Sorry.
I'm just pumped up, you know?
Get this, I'm graduating
high school tonight.
Can you imagine?
Me. And guess what.
They asked me to
give the big speech.
I mean, when I was a kid,
I ditched so much, they
retired my excuse note.
Thanks for sharing.
Are you nuts?
Steven Seagal could b*at
up Van Damme any day.
I'm telling you, Grandma.
Yeah, I'm watching
the little crumb gobblers.
I got them finger painting.
I don't see what the big
deal is with babysitting.
You give the sawed-off
baloney eaters a project,
then check in on
them every few days.
Aah!
Sorry, Grandma.
[SNORING]
Psst. Joey.
That guy's sleeping on you.
Gee, I didn't notice.
Don't worry. I'll handle this.
Wake up, big guy!
Top o' the morning.
Hey, why are we slowing down?
There's no stop here.
Why are we stopping?
I'm gonna be late
for my graduation.
What's going on here?
Aw, Jess, listen,
uh, don't panic.
I ride these
trains all the time.
The only way we're
gonna be stuck
is if we have some kind
of electrical problem.
MAN [OVER PA]: Uh, ladies and
gentlemen, this is your conductor.
It seems we've got some
kind of electrical problem.
Why don't I go sit
next to the big guy.
I might be a little safer there.
I can't believe it. I've
got 20 minutes to make it.
Jess, just relax.
This kind of stuff
only usually lasts
a couple minutes.
Folks, we're looking at a
fairly significant delay here.
'Course, sometimes there's
a fairly significant delay here.
This is great. Now I'm gonna
miss my whole graduation.
Could this night be any worse?
As long as we're
just sitting here,
I just got a new tape
you might all like.
[THEME FROM BONANZA
PLAYS OVER PA]
[♪♪♪]
Oh, come on, let's go!
Let's get this crate moving,
or I'm gonna start to yell!
Jess, you already are yelling,
and it's not gonna get us
to your graduation sooner.
Neither is this train.
I'm going up front.
Honey, please don't
start any trouble.
Me? Trouble? Come on.
I'm just gonna go up there
and get some answers
in a nice, calm,
orderly fashion.
Hey, you with the conductor hat,
drop that doughnut!
I hear something.
The train's starting.
No, Michelle, that's
my stomach growling.
I'm starving.
Oh, my God, an El Bloato.
Oh.
Corned beef, pastrami,
and pimento loaf.
Ahh.
A triple big meaty.
Oh.
Finally finished.
Hey, Siegfried, where's Roy?
I don't know.
Woof.
Hey, what's going on, Lassie?
Did Timmy fall
in the lake again?
KIMMY: Aah!
Oh, come on, Beck,
what could be more fun
for our anniversary show than
me boxing with George Foreman?
An interview with
two women senators
would be a much stronger piece.
Excuse me, I couldn't
help overhearing,
because I was
listening pretty intently,
and I really like
Danny's boxing idea.
There you have it, Beck.
We should listen to
our fans more often,
you know, we forget
how tuned in they are.
Sorry. I've gotta
take this call.
Ben?
Ben Franklin.
There you go. She tuned
in enough for you, Danny?
Ben? We're fine, and you?
Oh.
Oh. You know, if
you'll excuse us,
I think we're gonna
be, uh, moving along.
I believe some seats
just opened up in reality.
Honey, what did you find out?
It's a $27 fine to hitchhike
in a subway tunnel.
Aw, it's no use.
Graduation's starting right now.
Oh, sweetheart, I'm sorry.
Dad, isn't there
something we can do?
Yes, there is, honey.
Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm sorry to bother you, but,
uh, my brother-in-law here
just missed his high-school
graduation ceremony,
and he's feeling really low.
And we're all on
a subway together,
so, you know, it's
even lower than low.
But, you know,
sometimes in life,
we get a chance
to lift the spirits
of a fellow human being.
And this is one of those times.
What do you say
right here, right now,
we all pitch in
and throw this guy
the best darn
graduation ceremony
this town's ever seen, huh?
That's the spirit.
Danny, sit down.
Before I was depressed.
Now I'm depressed
and embarrassed.
Oh, sweetheart
I know that you're disappointed
because you're
missing your graduation,
but you're still gonna
get your diploma.
Come on, honey.
Don't you understand?
Now they're calling my
name to come on that stage
and give that important speech
You know what? I'm not there.
All my teachers and
principals are saying,
"Yeah, he messed up again.
That's the Katsopolis
we know, a bum."
Uncle Jesse, I'm
sorry you're sad.
That's okay, shorty.
I guess I'm just not the
graduating type, huh?
Dude, I hear you.
School's a waste.
That's why I dropped out.
Smartest move I ever made.
You got any spare change?
Oh, yeah, you're doing good.
It's better than being in school
reading books by a
bunch of dead guys.
Some of those
books are cool, man.
You ever read Shakespeare?
I don't know. Who wrote it?
Go back to school
as fast as you can.
Run if you have to.
Hey, I didn't jump the
turnstile to listen to this.
You know, I know who you are,
and I know where you're going.
Know where that
is? That's nowhere.
What am I supposed to do?
School is hard, dude.
"School is hard, dude."
Life is hard, man. I mean...
Am I right? Is life hard?
You better believe it.
Listen to this man, and
nobody's gonna do it for you, right?
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Scoot over.
See, it's like I was
gonna say in my speech.
You know, I had this
whole thing worked out
about once you start
something, ya gotta stick to it.
My kids are so cool.
They've been playing
with this Elvis puzzle all
week. They couldn't get it.
Keep trying, they keep
trying. Guess what.
Today they get it.
They get the last piece.
Elvis' left sideburn.
They were so
proud of themselves.
Don't you want to
know what that feels like,
don't you wanna be
proud about something?
Guess that would
be nice for a change.
Listen, pal, I mean, I know
where you're coming from.
I was just like you.
Dropped out of school,
rode my Harley,
gigged with a band.
I thought I was so cool.
But when I was alone
and I looked in that mirror,
something was wrong.
I mean, true, my
hair looked great,
but something was missing.
I didn't feel right inside.
You know what was missing?
My diploma.
The last piece of the puzzle.
The left sideburn, if you will.
Yeah, but I can't go back now.
I've been out for two weeks.
I was out for 11
years. I went back.
Listen, if I can do
it, you can do it.
You think so?
What do you think
I been talking ab...
People, can he go
back? Can he go?
Let's hear it.
ALL: Yeah!
See that? Listen you've
got a subway full of people
who really, really
care about you.
Now, come on. You gonna go back?
Yes or no? Tell me.
Don't give up, man.
WOMAN: Say yes. Come on.
All right. I'm gonna do it.
All right!
Before long, you'll be wearing
that cap and gown and marching
down that aisle just like I
was supposed to do tonight.
[PLAYING ELGAR'S "POMP
AND CIRCUMSTANCE"]
Well, they're playing
your song, Jess.
You ready to graduate?
Here?
Hey. Here's as good
as anyplace else.
Ain't going anywhere.
Here, honey. Don't forget this.
Okay.
Ladies and gentlemen,
welcome to our
commencement ceremony.
This milestone comes
but once in a lifetime.
And it is my great honor
to present the graduates
in alphabetical order.
Jesse Katsopolis.
Thank you! Thank you!
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
I'm sorry, sweetie. I
don't have a diploma.
Uh, do you mind?
Uh, sure, go ahead.
I'm getting all misty.
Look at that. The
Canucks traded their goalie.
Read it later.
Your diploma, Mr. Graduate.
Thank you.
Are you still sad you
missed your real graduation?
Naw, munchkin. That's all right.
You know,
graduating is not about
impressing a bunch of
people and getting a diploma.
It's about, uh... It's
about learning something
and sharing it with
the people you love.
And a subway full of strangers.
Maybe those 2,000
people didn't hear you,
but I know another
young guy that sure did.
Oh!
Either the train's moving,
or Joey's stomach
is out of control.
Well, Jess, you're a
high-school graduate.
What are you gonna do now?
I'm going to El Bloato's.
All right!
[PLAYS THEME FROM BONANZA]
♪ Ahh-ahh-ahh-ahhh ♪
[♪♪♪]
♪ Ahh-ahh-ahh-ahhh ♪
♪ Dooby-doo-baa-ba-daa ♪