[♪♪♪]
All right, soldiers, listen up.
Those there are tricycles.
They can be your best friend.
They can be your worst enemy.
Joey, just let them ride.
All right.
Gentlemen, start your engines.
MICHELLE: Did you
guys ever hear of pedals?
It worked for Fred
Flintstone. Yabba-dabba-doo.
Pabba-labba-doo.
[BOTH LAUGH]
I love those guys.
[JESSE FREDERICK'S
"EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK" PLAYING]
♪ Ahh-ahh-ahh-ahhh ♪
♪ Ahhh ♪
♪ Whatever happened
To predictability ♪
♪ The milkman The paperboy ♪
♪ Evenin' TV? ♪
♪ Ahhh ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ There's a heart ♪
♪ There's a heart ♪
♪ A hand to hold on to ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ There's a face ♪
♪ Of somebody who needs you ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ When you're lost out
there And you're all alone ♪
♪ A light is waitin'
To carry you home ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Ahh-ahh-ahh-ahhh ♪
♪ Dooby-doo-baa-ba-daa ♪
[♪♪♪]
JESSE: All right,
Nicky. Way to go!
[TOILET FLUSHES]
Alex, your brother did it.
He went potty.
Jess.
Beck, I got great news. So do I.
No, mine is really
big. Mine is huge.
Bigger than anything
you've ever heard.
Enormous.
Oh, really?
No. I just wanted to go first.
Listen, honey, I got a two-week
tryout as a field reporter
for the afternoon news,
Rebecca Donaldson,
"On The Spot."
Congratulations.
That is big news.
That's even bigger than
Nicky using the baby potty.
Nicky used the potty? Uh-huh
You mean not as a hat?
Nicky, that is big
news. All right.
[GIGGLES]
All right.
JESSE & BECKY: All right.
Oh, honey, you would
have been so proud,
seeing him sit up
there on his little throne.
All he needed was
the sports page.
Oh, honey... They're
growing up so fast.
I'm really gonna miss
having babies around.
Yeah, but you know
what? This is good.
Now you can concentrate
on your career.
I mean, this new gig
came at the perfect time.
I mean, you know the old saying,
things have a way of working out
the way they're
supposed to work out.
And when they work out,
you got just, you know,
step back and say, "hey."
That's not an old saying.
Give it time.
Potty.
BECKY: Potty?
Yeah?
Honey, it's an encore.
JESSE: Alex, grab a
crayon and take notes, son.
Let's go watch your brother.
Hey, Steph. Where's Michelle?
Oh, she's still out
back with Scruffy.
It was really nice of you
to watch the Davis' dog,
while they're on vacations.
Uh, Dad, Scruffy is
not your typical dog.
[OINKS]
That... That... That
would be a pig.
That's... Y-you did not
say that Scruffy was a pig.
You didn't ask.
Comet, meet Scruffy.
[GRUNTS]
[WHINING]
I'm with Comet.
You... You cannot
keep a pig in this house.
Pigs are dirty,
and they're stinky.
[OINKS]
Dirty and stinky, huh?
[OINKS]
Yeah, well, he says
you're no prize either.
DANNY: Oh, good. I'm
sure Jesse'll agree with me.
Do you wanna live in the
same house with this pig?
Uh, it's been six years.
I'm kind of getting used to him.
Not him, him!
[SCREAMS] [OINKS]
Uncle Jesse, how
can you say that?
He's adorable.
Wanna feed him?
I'd... I'd love to, but I'm, uh,
I'm fresh out of slop.
He drinks from a bottle.
Well, all right.
I'll give it a whirl.
There you go. Hey,
ah, ah, oh... Hey...
Look at this.
[LAUGHS]
He's uh... He's really
kind of cute in a...
hideous sort of way.
Please, Dad. We promised
to watch him for a few days.
Please.
Please, Dad. Please.
He's so cute. Please.
Okay, okay.
But he better not go
wee-wee-wee all over my house.
A-and keep him off of the couch.
I haven't had it swine-guarded.
Aw, this reminds me
of when I used to feed
Nicky and Alex their bottle.
[SLURPING]
They used to make that
same little slurpy noise.
He loves you, Uncle Jesse.
Well, I'm... I'm actually
kind of fond of him too.
Ah. it's so cute, you
know, when he looks at me
with those big brown
eyes and that... wet snout.
I kind of feel something.
Hot pig breath?
No.
No, I feel like holding
a baby in my arms
and feeding him again, you know.
Ah, Becky and I were
just talking about, uh,
how fast the boys
are growing up.
Yeah, you know Jess,
I kind of miss having
babies around the house too.
Well, maybe you don't
have to miss them anymore.
What are you saying?
We could have more kids.
You think we could?
The time is perfect.
All right, let's do it.
[♪♪♪]
BECKY: Jess, what's going on?
Hold on. One second.
♪ Baby, baby, baby ♪
♪ Baby, baby... ♪
Right this way.
Katsopolis, table for two,
smoking, nonsmoking,
something by the hamper, perhaps.
Honey, this is so romantic.
Yes, well, when you're dealing
with a guy like me, you know...
It's really nothing,
just something I slaved
over for the last four hours.
Thank you. There you go.
[GASPS] Oooh.
Notice something special
about the menu today?
Oh, let's see, uh,
baby ribs, Uh-huh.
Baby shrimp, Mm-hmm.
Baby corn.
Uh-huh.
Jess, this is the same
dinner I made for you
when I told you I was pregnant.
Exactly.
What are you saying?
What I'm saying is... I'm
saying, let's have another baby.
When?
Now. I mean not now,
nine months from now.
But this morning you said
that this would be a good time
for me to concentrate
on my career.
Yes, but this morning you said
you miss having babies around.
Jess, where is this coming from?
Oh, honey, come on.
There's nothing like
holding a baby in your arms,
and feeding him
and having their big eyes
looking up at you, and, uh,
wet snout and...
little corkscrew tail
spinning around like that.
Honey. Huh?
I think all that mousse
is seeping into your brain.
BOY: Mamma Oh, that's Nicky.
Hm.
NICKY: Daddy.
My man. Honey.
What's the matter, pal?
Come here, sweetie.
Oh, come here, baby.
Uh, you know what, Jess. Mm.
He has a little fever.
Oh, sweetie, it's
okay. It's okay.
Mommy's gonna cancel her
assignment and stay with you
till you're all better.
No, no, she isn't.
Mommy's gonna go to work.
Look, look, I'll take
care of the boys.
You do the career thing,
and I'll do the parent thing.
[SCOFFS] And what
about your radio thing?
Oh, that.
You see Jesse? There you are.
You wanna have another
baby? Our lives are...
Are too busy already.
Well, honey, look, I have a
recording studio downstairs,
the station does
remotes all the time,
I'll do the show from here
and that way I can
take care of the boys.
Oh, yeah, and if
we sell cotton candy,
we can turn this
place into a carnival.
Honey, I am serious. Look,
this is the perfect opportunity
to prove to you that we
can have another baby.
Now, if I can do the show
and take care of two kids,
one of them being sick,
I'm telling you, we
can handle anything.
You think so?
Yes, I know...
Honey, look, in life,
there are no problems,
there are just solutions
waiting to be found.
[NICKY SIGHS]
Hallmark card?
Fortune cookie.
[CHUCKLES]
[♪♪♪]
[OINKS]
Don't get your tail in a
knot, pal, it's not a pork roast.
Oh, good. You're
gonna take out that pig?
He doesn't like to
be called "that pig."
Yeah, Dad. You don't
call Michelle "that human."
So from now on,
please call him Scruffy.
Alex, say hi to Scruffy.
Piggy.
[GIGGLES]
Why do I even bother?
All right, Alex is all yours...
Thank you.
- -while I do the show.
And, uh, Nicky's upstairs
sleeping like a baby.
Is his nose still
all stuffed up?
[CONGESTED SNORING]
I'll take that as a yes. Huh.
Where's Joey? We're
on the air in five minutes.
[CHUCKLES] He
went out rollerblading.
Oh. What, did the Doughnut
Dive open up a skate-thru window?
[GIGGLES] No. He
says he's working out.
Work out. If he's not
back in five minutes,
he's gonna be out of
work. Give me a kiss. Okay.
Not you. I know.
Be a good boy. See you later.
Now, Alex, today
is your lucky day
because you are going to
learn how to use a baster.
[BLOWS RASPBERRIES]
[LAUGHS]
Okay, you're all set
to broadcast, chief.
All right, thanks, commodore.
Thank you.
DANNY: Careful. Be
careful, buddy. Take it easy.
Ow, ow, ow, ow. Take it slowly.
Careful, careful.
[GROANS]
Oh, man.
What happened to you?
I was rollerblading,
and I had a little mishap.
"A little mishap"? You told me
you tripped over a garden hose,
fell into an open dumpster,
and then rolled down Nob Hill.
That's a very common accident.
I'll be fine.
I just need to lie down
for a minute... Oof.
Or six days.
Dad, Scruffy got
loose in the house.
Boy, those little
piglets can really move.
Do you have any idea what cloven
hooves can do to a hardwood floor? Here.
You're supposed to
be watching Alex for me.
I'm sorry. I'll be right back.
I got a pig in the house.
Here, son. Color.
Hey, roller boy, get up.
We got five seconds
until we're on the air.
Jess, I can't move anything
below my eyebrows.
[ELECTRONIC BEEPS OVER SPEAKER]
MAN [OVER SPEAKER]:
Rush-Hour Renegades.
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYS
OVER SPEAKER] Comin' at ya!
That's right. It's the
Rush-Hour Renegades
coming at ya live
from our house,
and uh, we got a great show
planned for you, right, Joseph?
Ohh.
Okay, but first, a word
from one of our sponsors.
It is, uh, Vic's Vision Center.
Hey, listen. If you're driving
and you need glasses,
pull over.
[GRUNTS]
Boy, we are sailing now.
NICKY [OVER MONITOR]: Daddy!
Oh, Nicky's up.
All right, son.
I'll be right there.
Joseph, trusted partner,
old buddy of mine,
useless lump, get off your butt.
Jess, I can't even feel my butt.
Daddy!
All right, I'm coming, son.
Je... Jess, the
commercial's almost over.
[SIGHS]
I'll put on some music.
ALEX: Look, Daddy?
Son, son, son, don't
play with daddy's things.
Let go.
Come on. I'm supposed
to be doing a radio show,
I got a partner who's in
pain, your brother's sick,
and I'm trying to prove
we can have another kid.
NICKY [OVER MONITOR]: Daddy!
And it's... It's just...
It's not working.
[♪♪♪]
JESSE: Nicky.
Scruffy! JESSE: Daddy's coming!
Can you watch Alex
for one second? Sure.
Thanks. Danny, listen, there's
a song playing downstairs,
when it's over put in
another cart, will ya?
Another cart, no
problem. Thank you.
I'm coming!
STEPH & MICHELLE: Scruffy.
What the heck's a cart?
[SQUEALING]
Hey, you, don't... Sit!
Hey, I found the pig.
MICHELLE: He has a name!
[SIGHS]
I'm coming.
What's the matter, pal?
[SNIFFS]
Oh, come here.
Oh, your nose is running.
Here, here.
Here, give it your best sh*t.
[BLOWS NOSE]
Well, son, you got a
heck of a honk there.
All right, come on.
Let's, uh... Let's listen
to Daddy's radio show,
while you drift back
to dreamland, okay?
Here we go.
Yes, we'll show Mommy we
could have another baby, huh?
Hey, Joey, how do you
get on the air with this thing?
You push the red button.
But I don't think
you should, okay?
[IN A DEEP VOICE] Hey,
you're listening to Danny the T
filling in for Jesse the
K and Joey the H-ya
which stands for horizontal
which is exactly what
he's doing right now.
Ha, ha!
Hey, hey, I'm on the radio!
And look at that,
I'm getting a cardiovascular
workout at the same time.
And one, and two...
Hey, Joey, this is fun, uh.
You guys get paid for this?
Huh. Until today.
Put some music on.
And, uh, how exactly would I
do that, my laid-back buddy?
Start the bottom right cartridge
and push the third
fader from the left.
Quickly.
Got it.
Uh, Dad, what's going on?
We're doing a radio show.
[GIGGLES]
Sorry. Uncle Jesse's
upstairs with Nicky,
and, uh, Joey's
in a little pain.
Oh, is it your back?
Yes, and my hand.
Kimmy's standing on it. Gibbler!
What a whiner.
Well, Dad, we didn't know
you were gonna be here.
We wanted to use the
studio to record a rap
that Kimmy wrote for the
wrestling team's pep rally.
Great. Let's hear what you got.
On the radio? I don't
know, we're pretty bad.
Oh, don't worry about it.
We're not on the air.
Nobody can hear you.
Besides, I kind of like
that skip-hop music.
Dad, don't you mean hip-hop?
Oh, yeah. I-I like it all.
All right, guys. Ready?
Hit it!
[WRESTLERS IMITATE BEATBOX]
♪ Yo half nelson, full
nelson, pin, and reversal ♪
♪ Gonna do it all 'Cause
this ain't no rehearsal ♪
♪ Headlocks, scissor
holds, Gut busters too ♪
♪ And if it takes An eye gouge ♪
♪ That's what we'll do ♪
[WRESTLERS IMITATING
BEATBOX OVER RADIO]
KIMMY: Hey, who's
spitting on me?
STEVE: Nobody's spitting on you.
[ALL SHOUTING
INDISTINCTLY OVER RADIO]
[TURNS RADIO OFF]
Here. Here you go, son.
There you go.
You go back to sleep
while I go downstairs
and k*ll your Uncle Danny.
[GRUNTS]
Hey, we gotta stop
meeting like this.
Here, let me, uh...
Here. Come here.
Let me, uh...
[GRUNTS] Whoa, okay.
I know how you feel.
I don't like anyone
touching my hair either.
Um, all right, here you go.
Here you have it. There we
go, right in the little pigpen.
There you go. Okay, stay.
What are you talking about?
The problem is your voice.
The problem is your lyrics.
Problem is, you're both right.
Excuse me?
[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
Hold it! Hold it!
What's going on here?
[NORMAL VOICE]
Jess, is something wrong?
Yes. You're on the air.
Hey, this is Jesse Katsopolis.
And if you're still
out there listening
God bless you.
All right, uh, the good news
is I'm back at the controls,
Joey's doing fine.
Oh.
And the best part
is... Scruffy's back!
Scruffy's back.
Well, the fun never stops.
We'll be right back right
after these messages.
Jess, I'm sorry. Joey told me
to hit the the third
fader from the left.
It's the third fader
from the right.
You know, from down here,
you really lose all
sense of direction.
[GRUNTS]
[OINKS]
All right. Quiet, everybody.
The commercial's almost over.
[GRUNTS]
I said quiet, Kimmy.
Hey, that's not my grunt.
All right. We are back with
the Rush-Hour Renegades,
and we're gonna finally get
to some of those comedy bits
we've been promising you.
[GRUNTS]
[GRUNTS]
Grab that porker!
[ALL SHOUTING]
And they're off.
Coming around the first turn
it's Scruffy by a snout.
If anyone out there
has a tranquilizer g*n...
DANNY: Get him! Get him!
[SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]
Or a really big kaiser
roll, please give me a call.
[GRUNTS]
Okay, pal, you're mine.
[SQUEALING]
Okay, I hope you all enjoyed
that little bit. It's called...
get the pig outta here!
It's outta here.
It's outta here.
I'm going to take him to
an animal shelter or a home
for the wayward hog
or something. Come on.
[CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY]
Okay, I think we had
enough laughs for a day.
Let's just play a
little more music.
You could never get
enough of that stuff.
I think it's going pretty well.
Shut up.
MICHELLE [SCREAMING]: Fire!
Fire?
Fire?
Whoa! Be careful!
It's okay, everyone.
It was just the roast.
[SLAMS OVEN DOOR]
Who likes theirs well-done?
Dad, if Scruffy
hadn't come to get us,
the whole house could
have b*rned down.
You're my hero.
Uh, Scruffy, here.
Have a grape, buddy.
I want to apologize for
that "wayward hog" cr*ck.
That was way
out of line. Really.
You really came
through for us, bud.
From now on, my
house is your pigpen.
[PANTING]
Where's the fire?
It was the roast. It's
out. Everything's fine.
Oh, yeah. Everything's fine.
I'm having a terrific day.
I think we should do more
shows from the house.
Zip it.
How are you feeling, Joey?
Not bad for a human snack tray.
Dad, can we play
with Scruffy now?
Oh, maybe later,
honey. We're bonding.
If Dad adopts him,
he sleeps in your room.
Huh, quiet, quiet. She's on.
Oh, look, Scruffy.
It's Aunt Becky.
BECKY [OVER TV]:
Here's a twist on the old
cab-driver-helps-a-passenger-
give-birth story.
Bobo, a mime on
his way to perform
at a children's birthday party,
was in a cab when his
driver Jenna Sandstrom
suddenly went into labor.
Bobo remained calm,
helped Jenna pull over
to the side of the road,
and without saying a
word, delivered her baby.
And now, making his
first television appearance
is 6-pound 8-ounce
Bobo Sandstrom,
named after his silent savior.
Oh, yes. Sweetie.
Oh, Bobo, I know you're
too little to realize this,
but someday you'll understand
just how miraculous
your entrance into
the world really was.
I'm Rebecca
Donaldson on the spot
with Jenna Sandstrom,
San Francisco's
newest little bundle of joy,
and Bobo... who's in a box.
[♪♪♪]
Good night, boys.
[SIGHS]
Hi, honey.
Hey, Beck.
Great report today, sweetheart.
That was terrific.
Thanks.
How was your day?
Oh, my day? My day was great.
Oh, it... It was just...
Just out of this world.
It was, uh... It was a
day from hell, basically.
Huh, Beck, maybe you're right.
I mean, with this
new job of yours...
I don't know, maybe we
shouldn't have another baby.
I can't take care of
three kids and Joey.
Honey, I'm not
gonna take the job.
Why not?
Well, I already have a job.
I have two jobs.
I have my show,
and I have family.
Come on, Becky. You
were so good today.
Y-you gotta go for it.
Well, that's what I thought
when I left the house
this morning but...
You know, then when
I was at the hospital
and I held little
Bobo in my arms...
The baby, not the mime. Yeah.
I realized how much I
missed holding my own babies.
What are you saying?
You saying you
wanna have a baby?
Yes.
I don't believe this.
We want the same
thing at the same time?
I think so.
That's great because you
know what, sweetheart,
we make beautiful
babies together.
Heck, we make 'em two at a time.
I love you so much.
Now, just outta curiosity, um,
when would you like to start?
Now works for me. Me too.
[LAUGHS]
Jess? Yeah.
[CHUCKLING] Your nose is wet.
[GRUNTS]
Scruffy! Scruffy!
♪ Ahh-ahh-ahh-ahhh ♪
[♪♪♪]
♪ Ahh-ahh-ahh-ahhh ♪
♪ Dooby-doo-baa-ba-daa ♪