♪ Come and listen to my
story 'bout a man named Jed
♪ A poor mountaineer
barely kept his family fed
♪ And then one day he
was sh**ting at some food
♪ And up through the
ground come a-bubbling crude
♪ Oil, that is ♪
Black gold Texas tea
♪ Well, the first thing you
know old Jed's a millionaire
♪ The kinfolk said "Jed,
move away from there"
♪ Said "California's
the place you oughta be"
♪ So they loaded up the
truck and they moved to Beverly
♪ Hills, that is
♪ Swimming pools Movie stars ♪
The Beverly Hillbillies.
Come back here! Come
back here and do your chores!
I said come here or I'll
send you back to the zoo!
Granny, don't
you hurt my gorilla!
What's all the
yelling about in here?
Granny and that
ape are at it again.
I thought I told you to call
the zoo to come get that thing.
I did. They said they had to
fetch along a bunch of police
and tranquilizer g*ns and stuff.
He is a stout rascal. Come on.
Ah-ha!
- Now I got you.
- [ROARS]
Hush up that bellowing,
you ungrateful goomer.
We took you out of the cage at the zoo,
fetched you home, give you nice clothes,
and now you balk
at doing a few chores.
Get to the kitchen
and mop that floor.
Ah-ha! Now you're gonna get it!
Let me down! Let me
down! Let me down!
- Sounds like she caught him.
- GRANNY: Let me down!
Or he caught her.
Let go or I'll tan the
hair off your hide!
Had enough?
You didn't hurt my
gorilla, did you, Granny?
You fetch him back and I'll fan his tail
till he lights up like a lightning bug.
Now, Granny, you and
that ape best call it a draw.
You kicked him down the cellar
steps. He throwed you through the door.
Keep this up and
somebody's gonna get hurt.
[SIRENS WAIL]
Hey, here comes
three cars, full of police.
Oh, they's fixing
to sh**t my gorilla.
Fetch my shotgun.
I'll hold 'em off.
They's just tranquilizer
g*ns to calm him down.
Can we get them to
take a sh*t at Granny?
- Whose side are you on?
- Listen to me, everybody.
I say we is well rid of
that bad-tempered varmint.
Well, I got to admit he
ain't as much fun as Herby.
Yeah. That first gorilla
Mr. Drysdale sent over was a dandy.
Yeah, I'll say. Why,
he was chopping wood.
- Washing and ironing.
- And looking after my critters.
And digging taters.
He did take to chores real good.
Please, Paw, let's
get Herby back.
- Yeah, let's get him back.
- All right, I'll call Mr. Drysdale.
You heard me, Herby. You're
going back to the Clampetts.
- No, thanks, Mr. Drysdale.
- What do you mean, no, thanks?
Why'd you bring
the gorilla suit?
To show you the
damage from the last visit.
These hands used to be
the same color as that face.
Well, what did that?
- Granny's lye soap.
- Well, don't wash your hands.
- That's from washing clothes.
- Oh, a little shoe polish will fix it.
- Now, come on.
- No, thanks. That suit's too hot.
And Jethro made me
chop two cords of wood,
dig five bushels of
potatoes and hoe a whole...
Tommy, Tommy, boy, that's good for
you. You're putting it on in a few places.
Every place but my wallet.
Oh, I see. Money
talks, eh? Uh...
- How about that?
- You're whispering.
All right.
Here's, um, 200 dollars.
- No, thanks.
- I'll double it for you.
- You will?
- Yes.
Here.
Forget it.
Yeah, you're
right, do it for kicks.
I've had my kicks.
Every time I growled, Granny would
lay those big army boots right here.
Chief, Mr. Clampett and
Elly May are here to see you.
Oh, my gosh. Hide this suit.
Tommy, have a heart.
Jed Clampett has more than
60 million dollars in my bank.
If he finds out that Herby
wasn't a real gorilla, I'll lose it.
In other words, this whole
thing is money in your pocket.
Tommy, would I send you back
to the Clampetts just for money?
Mr. Drysdale, for money you'd
send Custer back to the Indians.
[KNOCKING]
JED: Mr. Drysdale?
Just a minute, Mr. Clampett.
Come in.
Come in.
Mr. Drysd... Oh, I'm sorry.
- I didn't know you had company.
- It's quite all right, Mr. Clampett.
I want you and your lovely daughter
to meet this wonderful gentleman,
Mr. Thomas F. Kelly.
F for faithful. Never
betrays a friend.
Howdy, Mr. Kelly. I'm
pleased to shake your hand.
- This here's my daughter, Elly May.
- Howdy.
- Hi.
- Where's Miss Jane?
Where did she go?
Oh, there she is.
OK, take your coffee break.
Well, I didn't see
her slip out there.
Awfully thin girl.
Mr. Kelly, sorry to
bust in on you like this.
- Are you a banker?
- No, I'm a gorilla.
He means he's in
the gorilla business.
- This is the man who owns Herby.
- Do tell.
Where is he, Mr. Kelly?
I'm afraid Herby's retired.
- Oh, gee.
- That's too bad.
But we can wake him up.
He's retired,
sleeping, right in here.
Wake up, Herby!
There's somebody
here to see you.
Get ready and come
out, you sweet old gorilla!
- Just a minute, Mr. Drysdale.
- Oh, now, Tommy, relax.
He wants Herby to
get his beauty sleep.
As I recollect, looked
like he could use some.
- We haven't made a deal.
- We will, we will.
Greatest guy in the world,
one of nature's noblemen,
Thomas F. Kelly.
F for fair. Wouldn't think
of overcharging a friend.
- [DOOR HANDLE RATTLES]
- Oh, I forgot, I locked it.
- Herby.
- Hi, Herby.
Hello, Herby boy.
Paw, Herby's just wasted
away to skin and bone.
Does appear his hide
has some slack in it.
Been pining away for you folks.
- You're coming with us, Herby.
- Is it all right?
- Sure, take her home.
- Her?
Oh, I mean Elly,
with the gorilla.
Come on, Herby.
We'll take you home and fatten you
up on some of Granny's possum soup.
Mr. Drysdale and I have some business
to conclude before Herby can leave here.
We'll conclude it, just as sure as
this man's name is Thomas F. Kelly.
F for fabulous. Do
anything for a friend.
Fine.
Oh, say, that mean gorilla
we fetched home from the zoo
kind of tore up
Herby's working clothes.
If he comes, I'll see
that he gets clothes.
Good, good, because Granny
just can't abide a bare ape.
And they won't be work
clothes and you'll buy 'em.
Listen, Tommy, I don't need you.
I'll buy my own costume
and put Miss Hathaway in it.
You make a great gorilla.
Gee, chief, that's the nicest
thing you've ever said to me.
I wouldn't wear one of these if it
got me a proposal from Tarzan!
Et tu, Hathaway?
Are two of my dearest friends going
to desert me in my hour of need?
Like you said,
banker, money talks,
but this time let's
hear it loud and clear.
- How's that?
- Keep talking.
Thomas F. Kelly.
F for fink, F for finagler,
F for flimflammer.
- How would you like F for fist?
- OK, but that's all you get.
I need the rest of this
to buy your clothes.
Now, let's go.
Boy, that gorilla really flung
Granny through them doors.
He did for a fact.
She must have carried ten feet on
the fly and another five on the bounce.
I'm surprised there
weren't no bones broke.
Would have been if
she'd have caught him.
[SCREECHES]
- Is Herby here yet?
- Well, no, not yet, Elly.
Well, Granny wants to
see you in the kitchen, Paw.
All right. You come out
here and give Jethro a hand.
I'll give him four hands.
Maybelle's got two.
Fine.
Elly, that little old
monkey ain't no help.
I'll be glad when
Herby gets back.
That scamp could
really put out the work.
Now, listen here,
Jethro, Herby's my gorilla
and you ain't gonna work him up
to a frazzle like you done before.
But that's the law of nature.
Us smart ones makes
the dumb ones do the work.
Well, if'n you're so smart, you'd know
that that board would look a heap neater
if you nailed it on the inside.
You didn't have to tell me that.
I'd have figured it out for myself.
See? I got it up here.
- You wanna see me, Granny?
- Yeah, Jed.
D'you reckon that gorillas
like hoecakes and sorghum?
Well, I don't hardly see how
they could help it. Why do you ask?
Well, Elly says that Herby
has thinned down a lot,
and I thought I'd
try and fatten him up
with some hoecakes and sorghum
and my special purée of possum.
Take it kind of easy on
that rich food, Granny.
Them gorillas seems to
suffer a heap from heartburn.
Yeah, even that ornery one that
we fetched home from the zoo,
he went around thumping hisself.
They is a gassy bunch.
Speaking of that
varmint from the zoo,
he ripped and tore Herby's
good clothes to ribbons.
I been trying to piece 'em together
with your old pants and Elly's.
- I don't know if I'm able to.
- ELLY: Paw! Granny!
What happened to Jethro?
He whomped hisself
on the head with the a*.
Again?
Elly, honey, you step outside.
I think if I peel off Jethro's pants
and sew them onto what I got...
Granny, I plumb
forgot to tell you,
Mr. Drysdale said he was gonna get Herby
some clothes before he fetched him over.
Oh, fine.
I hope they're good stout work clothes.
I got a lot of chores for him to do.
This is ridiculous.
The Clampetts are expecting
a gorilla, not King Farouk.
That did it.
Step out here, I'll wipe up the
ground with you, you miserable...
Chief, chief, you paid 300 dollars
for those clothes he's wearing.
And I've got another 300 in that basket
of gourmet food and vintage champagne.
Now, in all fairness, you
did agree to Mr. Kelly's terms.
He's to have special
food and special treatment,
and he's only to stay as
long as he enjoys himself.
You've got me over a
barrel now, Kelly, but...
And that's another thing, chief.
In front of the Clampetts,
remember to call him Herby.
How did he get that stupid name?
It seems that Jethro did
some research on the gorilla.
Because he eats only vegetation he's
called herbivorous, so to them he's...
- Herby.
- Herby. That's right.
Herby Bivorous.
Oh, hi, Mr. Drysdale, Miss Jane.
Did you bring...
- Is this Herby?
- That's him.
Doggies, he is
dressed fit to k*ll.
- Remember that.
- [GROWLS]
Everybody, Herby's here!
Mr. Clampett, what
happened to the door?
Oh, Granny and that gorilla
from the zoo had a little ruckus.
Say, Herby, that could be your
first job, helping me to fix the door.
- What's this?
- Oh.
That's a list of things Mr. Kelly...
Herby doesn't like to do.
Where's Herby?
Herby, don't you look grand!
Why, you ain't skinny no more.
He does appear to have fleshed out
some since we seen him at the office.
Well, you see, Herby just
had a tremendous meal.
Well, if it's grass and leaves
again, he ain't fat, he's just bilious.
- Granny.
- Well, you wait and see.
We'll be up all night with him walking
the floor, while he thumps himself.
Herby, Granny's got
a special treat for you,
hoecakes, sorghum
and puréed possum.
Herby's on a special diet.
Mr. Kelly sent along
a hamper of food.
- Oh, let me give you a hand.
- Who's Mr. Kelly?
He's the man who owns Herby.
Ain't my victuals good
enough for his duded-up ape?
Oh, yes, too good.
You see, Herby's not used
to such rich, delicious food.
Well, he'll need something to stick to
his ribs when he's done with his chores.
Don't you shake your head at me.
I still got that hickory stick.
Now, Granny, don't
go squabbling right off.
All right. Whose suitcase?
Oh, this is Herby's. He brought
along some sports clothes.
Sport clothes?
Yes. Bermuda shorts
and other casual attire.
He's quite fond
of fun and games.
By the way, Granny, can
Herby have a room of his own?
Ah!
Would you like to go swimming
in the cement pond, Herby?
Do you know how to swim?
Well, you might learn
how if you watch me.
Would you like that?
You seen anything of Herby?
Ain't he upstairs in
his private boudoir?
I'm looking for him to do a
little painting on the front door.
You ain't gonna get no
work out of that playboy ape.
Did you get a good look
at the duds he's wearing?
They wasn't
exactly work clothes.
He looks like a hairy
Diamond Jim Brady.
Granny, Mr. Drysdale said Herby's gonna
have his lunch out by the cement pond.
And that's another
thing that riles me,
him bringing his own victuals, like
my cooking wasn't good enough.
Granny, maybe it's
special gorilla food.
Yeah, like leaves
and roots and stuff.
You mean he'd rather eat
leaves than my purée of possum?
Well, I reckon so.
- Why, that big ornery no-good...
- Now, Granny, Granny.
I hefted that fancy basket of
victuals that Mr. Kelly sent along,
and, take my word
for it, it ain't leaves.
Thomas F. Kelly. F for
freeloader. Look at this.
Caviar, broiled snails,
pickled mushrooms,
aged Camembert cheese,
chilled crab, vintage champagne.
There's no use getting upset.
You've only yourself to blame for this.
Yes, you're right. I should
have left you in the gorilla suit.
I'm not big enough.
You would be after
this 300-dollar snack.
- Look at that Kelly.
- Herby.
Herby Schmerby. It's disgusting.
[MUSIC ON RADIO]
See that, Herby?
That's sweet. So are you.
You want me to swim some more?
Don't look, chief. It'll
only aggravate you.
This is too much.
[MUSIC ON RADIO]
I wonder what the sentence
would be for murdering a gorilla.
Now, now, chief,
there's a man in that suit.
[MUSIC STOPS]
Luncheon is served, Herbert.
Howdy, Paw.
Elly May, I don't want you drinking
none of that gassed-up cider.
I think you'd best
go in the house.
Herby and me was
fixing to have victuals.
Granny has got your
lunch in the kitchen.
Well, I'd rather eat here.
Granny ain't in the mood for
no more turndowns. Now, scoot.
- Do like I say.
- Yes, sir, Paw.
Herby, let me give you a
little advice, man to monkey.
You done pushed Granny
about as far as she'll push.
Any more and she will turn your
hide as pink as them rompers.
Goodbye, Granny.
I'll see you later.
- Ain't you hungry?
- Starving.
The sight of all that delicious
food has made me ravenous.
Yeah, there ain't nothing
tastier than purée of possum.
- Sit down. Have some.
- Now, now, wait a minute.
I didn't mean... No, I...
Oh, we got plenty. I cooked
up purt near three gallons.
Figured the gorilla for a whole
gallon, but he's got his own victuals.
Well, you see, that's just it.
I promised Herby I would
eat with him out by the pool.
Are you saying you'd rather
eat with that ape than me?
Oh, no, no, of course not.
Are you saying that his
victuals is better than mine?
Granny, there's nothing in the world
like your purée of possum, believe me.
Sit down. You can
have the ape's gallon.
Oh, Elly, I'm going
out to find Jed.
Here, you dish up Mr. Drysdale a
great big heaping helping of possum,
and make sure he
gets plenty of giblets.
Yes, ma'am.
Maybe you'll get the left
hind foot. [CHUCKLES]
That's good luck.
Jed, come in and set to
the table with Mr. Drysdale.
We'll let that stuck-up
gorilla eat by himself.
Now, Granny, before you go to
bad-mouthing Herby anymore,
there's something
you ought to know.
That Mr. Kelly that owns him
has gotta take a lot of the blame.
What do you mean? He
buys him fancy clothes.
Yeah, but he sure
skimps on the victuals.
You wouldn't believe what
he's got that poor ape eating.
What?
Snails, toadstools, spiders.
- No.
- Yeah.
- Spiders?
- Great big red ones.
And he was sitting there cracking
their bones trying to get at the marrow.
That's terrible.
But where he really saved
money was on the cheese.
- Bad, was it?
- Spoiled rotten.
If Herby hadn't had
the wind at his back,
he'd never have
got it up to his mouth.
I hate to see an
animal mistreated.
Me too.
Granny, I got a notion. Why
don't we buy Herby from Mr. Kelly?
By dingies, I like that.
We'll get him into
some good work clothes
and make a self-respecting
ape out of him.
- Ah-ha! I caught you.
- Oh.
- I was just...
- Don't deny it.
You were sneaking
back for seconds.
- Yes, yes, that's it.
- Granny'll fetch it.
- Come sit down. I wanna talk to you.
- What about?
Well, could you bring
that Mr. Kelly over?
Mr. Kelly?
Yeah, I wanna talk to
him about buying Herby.
I don't think he'd sell. He's
really wrapped up in that gorilla.
You just get him
here. I'll talk to him.
That's going to
take a little thought.
Here, you can eat
while you're thinking.
By doggies, she gave you
seconds, thirds and fourths.
The left hind foot
is in this batch.
Thanks. I'm gonna need it.
COMMENTATOR: from their own 34.
Leeds has flanked to the
right, Boyle's split to the left.
There's the
snap. It's holding...
Listen, Kelly,
we've got a problem.
Don't shush me, fatso.
While you were gorging
yourself on caviar and crab,
I had to choke down your
gallon of possum purée.
Well, at least I can
get rid of the taste.
What's the big problem?
The problem is Jed Clampett
wants to talk to Tom Kelly.
No problem. I take off the suit.
He wants to talk to
you about buying Herby.
Oh.
Still no problem. I
take it off, you put it on.
Clampett makes me an offer.
- I turn him down.
- Great.
Then you put me in
the car, take me away,
and we'll be through with this
whole miserable business forever.
Oh, Tommy, baby, I love you.
Come on. We can change in my
garage next door and you take my car.
Look at that, Uncle Jed.
We're doing all the work,
and that lazy, good-for-nothing ape
is strutting around like a movie star.
Things is gonna change,
Jethro. I'm fixing to buy that rascal.
Herby?
Quick as he's ours, we'll
break him of them bad habits.
Well, here's Mr. Kelly now.
- Howdy.
- Hello, Mr. Clampett.
Mr. Drysdale said
you wanted to see me.
That's right. This
here is Granny.
- Howdy.
- My nephew, Jethro.
- Howdy.
- Of course, you know Herby.
Sure.
I wouldn't hug him
if he fed me spiders.
Well, Mr. Kelly, I'll
come right to the point.
We'd like to buy Herby.
Oh, Mr. Clampett, I couldn't
sell this wonderful animal.
Besides, gorillas
are very expensive.
How expensive?
Oh, I'd have to charge you
10,000 dollars for this fine animal.
I'll pay it.
- 10,000?
- Cash on the barrel head.
If there's more than that
there, just keep the change.
Sold.
- Well, Herby, you got a good home.
- And good victuals.
Yeah, and chores to
do. Here, get to work.
Hey, come back here!
Well, there's the first bad habit
to break him of, chasing cars.
♪ Well, now it's time to say
goodbye to Jed and all his kin
♪ They would like to thank
you folks for kindly dropping in
♪ You're all invited back
next week to this locality
♪ To have a heaping
helping of their hospitality
♪ Hillbilly, that is
♪ Set a spell Take
your shoes off ♪
Y'all come back now, you hear?
ELLY: This has been a
Filmways presentation.