08x01 - Comet's Excellent Adventure

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Full House". Aired: September 1987 to May 1995.*
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08x01 - Comet's Excellent Adventure

Post by bunniefuu »

It's not in the kitchen.

We have to find it.
It's gonna start soon.

I checked the washer, the dryer, I
even checked the lint trap. Nothing.

- Hey, guys, good
news. ALL: You found it?

Nope, but I found this
bear claw in my slipper.

It's not outside. It
just disappeared.

Well, we checked all the
boys' secret hiding places.

It's official. The
remote is lost.

Fine.

You know, one of us could just walk
over to the TV and hit the power button.

No way.

D.J.: Look, Comet's
got it. JOEY: Good boy.

STEPH: Hey, you found
it. D.J.: Good boy, Comet.

Quick. On, boy.

All right, let's do that funky
thing. Two, three, four...

This is great. You guys
might not recognize it...

but that's "Satisfaction."

Hey, Jess. You might not recognize
it, but we're trying to rehearse here.

Oh, yeah. Sorry. Hey, boys?
Listen to your Uncle Gary.

If you wanna grow up and be good,
strong musicians, you gotta rehearse.

Let's practice that Mick Jagger
thing we've been doing. Let's see it.

You see that? They got
the lip, they got the stance...

You guys don't care.

All right, boys, go play with your Play-Doh
and watch Daddy play some music, okay?

Here we go. One more
time. One, two, three...

BECKY: Jess, honey,
I hate to interrupt...

but which of these swizzle sticks
do you want for the Smash Club?

Sorry, guys. When you own a
club, as I do, every decision is critical.

I mean, even the swizzle
stick is a science kind of thing.

I mean, it's gotta be durable,
stirrable. It's gotta set the right mood.

- Blue ones are cheaper.
- Blue sets the right mood.

When you gonna be in the
right mood to play music, huh?

Right now, right now. Sorry.
Let's do it. A-one, two, three. Huh.

Jess, they need us down at
the radio station right away!

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

- Huh?
- They need us down at...!

They need us down at
the radio station right away.

What? We're the Rush-Hour Renegades.
What happened to the Lunchtime Lunatics?

Oh, they quit. They got in a big
argument with the Morning Maniacs...

over who was gonna fill in
for the Weekend Wackos.

- It's getting crazy down there.
- Yeah, yeah. Sounds like it.

Okay, meet me upstairs.

- I'll be up there in a few minutes.
- Okay.

Hey, guys, I'm sorry, but
I'm gonna have to cut it short.

Jess, we're tired of
cutting it short, man.

What are you talking about?

Listen, this is the hardest
thing we ever had to do.

But the guys and I, we took a vote,
and we voted you out of the band.

What do you mean, out of the band?
We have a big gig next weekend. You got...

- You knuckleheads. Oh. That's funny.
- Jess, I'm not trying to be funny.

Look, you're just not
into the band anymore.

You got all this other
stuff in your life now, man.

You've lost your passion
for the music. I'm sorry.

I haven't lost my passion. You...
You guys are serious about this?

Come on, you guys are like family.
Johnny Low-End, Tony, Gary, Lonny.

It's Lanny.

Lanny, right. Lanny, Lan... The
guy I like to call Lanny. The Lan-Man.

Jess. Hey, man,
I'm sorry. It's over.

Guys...

Does your friends
wanna play anymore?

Not with me.

I had such a wonderful
time with you today, Deej.

Yeah. I had a lot
of fun too, Nelson.

Deej, this guy is
the perfect boyfriend.

I mean, he's so rich, he cashed
a check and the bank bounced.

Hey, Nelson? Thanks for inviting
us today. You're a prince and a half.

The rides, the games, the
shows... You have the best backyard.

So, Nelly boy, what are you
treating us to next weekend?

Well, actually, my
father is throwing...

a end-of-the-summer
soiree on one of our yachts.

It's the little one, but it should
still be fun. Why don't you all come?

KIMMY: Sure. Sounds great.
- Yeah, that'd be fun.

- I'll see you later.
- Okay.

Bye.

Wow, a party on a yacht.

Imagine, me, little Stephanie Tanner,
rubbing elbows with the rich and famous.

I'll party with them,
but do I gotta rub them?

Look, Nelson's a great guy,
but I'm breaking up with him.

ALL: What?

I just don't feel any
chemistry between us.

And if I don't end it now, I'm
just gonna be leading him on.

Well, can't you just lead him on
to the yacht for one more party?

Look, I'm not gonna
stay with a guy...

just because he has an
ATM in his living room.

Sorry, Steph. It looks like you're
back to rubbing poor people.

I mean, I can't believe the
Rippers dumped me like that.

I mean, we're like brothers,
you know? Roger, Gary, Lonny...

Lanny.

You know, it's like they
stabbed me in the heart.

Sweetie, I know that it hurts,
but you gotta get on with your life.

I mean, so you don't have a
band. You still have your music.

You know what?
You're absolutely right.

You know, I'm gonna do that
gig next weekend as a solo artist.

I mean, heck, I'm a
singer-slash-songwriter.

I'll write a song
and slash sing it.

That's it, honey.
That's the right attitude.

Anger-slash-bitterness
isn't gonna get you anywhere.

Right. Got an idea
right now for a new tune.

Comet. Comet.

Comet. Comet, that's our dinner.

[COMET GROWLING]

Comet, I command you
to drop those wieners.

- I'll call the pizza guy.
- That won't be necessary.

Comet is a smart enough dog to know
that if he doesn't drop those hot dogs...

I'm gonna take him back to the groomer that
puts those little pink bows in his hair.

[WHIMPERS]

Okay. Ugh. Why is
Comet so hungry?

Comet, did anybody feed you
today? Let's get you some food.

Jesse, according to the
schedule on my work wheel...

today was your day to feed Comet,
and FYI, tomorrow you walk him.

I'm sorry, but I have too much on my
mind to decode your stupid work wheel.

Jess, for the millionth time...

you simply line up your name,
the day, the week, the month...

lift the little flap, find your chore
number, and look it up on the task table.

What could be easier?

I'll walk Comet tomorrow.

Michelle, you're a little too small to
walk Comet. Comet'll be walking you.

Besides, Uncle Jesse
knows it's his responsibility.

And he is gonna
do it with a smile.

Hey, babe, I don't need
the Rippers anymore.

No, see, this is the beauty. This is
the beauty behind this whole thing.

Your club is gonna be the first to have
Jesse Katsopolis: Alone and Unplugged.

Absolutely. Yeah, I hate it too.

No, no. No, plugged, man.
Plugged. Plugged is the way to go.

In fact, I'm plugged right now.

- Yeah.
- Uncle Jesse, it's time to walk Comet.

Not now. I'm on the
phone, a very important call.

Listen, I know.

I know I promised you a band, and a
band is what you're gonna get, okay?

But, Uncle Jesse, he really needs his
walk. He's sitting with his legs crossed.

Right, I... Honey,
then walk him, all right?

- By myself?
- Yes, whatever. Okay.

Okay.

Hang on, Comet. I'm coming.

Comet, slow down.

What have we been feeding you?

[HORN HONKS TUNE]

Comet, come back!

Simon says, "Come back!"
Michelle says, "Come back!"

Comet, stop!

I'm not allowed
to cross the street.

Hey, Michelle. Michelle,
what are you doing here?

- I lost Comet.
- You what?

I was walking him and
he ran away from me.

You know you're not supposed
to walk him by yourself.

- Uncle Jesse said it was okay.
- He would never say that.

I don't care if you believe me
or not. I just wanna find him.

Michelle, you really messed up
big-time. Which way did he go?

That way. He was chasing
a humongous wiener.

Yeah, right. In a big giant bun.

You saw it too?

Stop it, okay? We have
to find him. Come on.

- Comet!
- Comet. Here, boy.

- Where are you?
- Comet.

So it's definitely
over between us?

There's nothing I can
do to change your mind?

Buy you a nice bridge, perhaps?

Well, it would look great over my bed,
but the traffic would keep me up at night.

I'll always remember the
fun we had this summer.

So will I. I still
have the receipts.

D.J., don't do it.

Kimmy, you're
too late. It's over.

Oh, but, Deej, look at
him. He's cute, he's sweet...

his haircut cost
more than my house.

Kimmy, I'm not gonna stay with
someone just because they have money.

You are so selfish.

- D.J.
- D.J., D.J.

- Deej, Comet's lost.
- What? What happened?

Uncle Jesse said I can walk him,
and he ran after a giant hot dog.

Would you give up that
stupid hot dog story?

I told you a million
times, it's true.

Look, I don't care if he
was chasing a fruit cup.

Why would he chase a
fruit cup? He likes hot dogs.

Whatever. Let's go find him.

Why don't you take my limo? You
can cover more ground that way.

Thanks, Nelson.

- Bye.
- Good-bye.

Here. Phone, fax, beeper.
I'm freeway-close. Call anytime.

Let's go.

MICHELLE: Hurry, hurry.
STEPH: Come on, move it.

Joseph, this is so cool.

I should've thought of this
one-man-band idea long ago.

Who needs those Rippers?
Plug that thing in for me.

Away, get away.
Don't touch that.

All right, everything's
set. Now, watch this.

First of all, we start
off with the drums.

- We got prerecorded drums. Listen.
- Beautiful.

- I like it.
- You like?

- Yeah.
- Now we add a little bass.

- Right?
- Oh, yeah.

Add a little guitar, like this.

Rock 'n' roll, Jess. Go. Yeah.

Wow, you're smoking now, Jess.

Dynamite finish!

Do you see what you've
done now? I should've known it.

The first rule of physics:
Idiots and electronics don't mix.

That's the first rule?

Get out. Get out. I
don't need you anymore.

[PHONE RINGS]

- Uh, could you answer that for me?
- Sure, buddy.

- Thank you. I always liked you.
- Oh, you're my friend.

- Tanner residence.
MICHELLE: Joey, it's me.

- Oh, hello, Michelle.
- Don't get mad. We've got a big problem.

- What's wrong, honey?
- Comet ran away.

We can't find him anywhere.

- Oh, no, Michelle, how did this happen?
- Uncle Jesse said to walk him.

What?


Jesse, did you give Michelle
permission to walk Comet by herself?

Course not. I remember
exactly what happened.

I was on the phone, kind of
busy, she was bugging me.

She said, "Can I
walk Comet?" And I...

I'm an idiot. Ah!

MICHELLE: Stop.
Stop the car. There it is.

D.J.: Come on, guys. Let's go.

Where there's a wiener,
there's a hungry dog.

Comet's gotta be
around here somewhere.

STEPH: Comet!
- Here, boy!

Michelle, I'm really
sorry I didn't believe you.

That's okay. Once I lied to
you, and you did believe me.

Hey, twerp, are you sure
that's the car you saw?

No, Kimmy, there's millions of
giant hot dogs driving around.

Well, that's gonna make
our job even tougher.

- Comet!
- Here, boy.

- Here, boy. Over here.
- Over here.

- I've got something.
- Hey.

- Got food for you.
- Here, boy!

- Hey, boy.
- Comet.

JOEY: Hey, Jess, pull over.

- Why are we at Coit Tower?
- I take Comet for walks up here.

Maybe he came back. I'm
just trying to think like a dog.

The last time you did
that, you bit the mailman.

He was teasing me.

We don't have time
for this, biscuit-brain.

Every second, the dog's
getting further away...

and Michelle's gonna
hate me more and more.

Oh, well, compared to Danny,
Michelle's gonna be a love fest.

Danny, that's right.

He's down at the Wharf
doing a remote with Becky.

What are we gonna tell him?

We're not gonna tell him
anything. You're gonna tell him.

Daddy, look. Up there.

Yeah, I know, boys.
It's a giant tower.

If we wanna find Comet, we're gonna
have to look for a giant fire hydrant.

NICKY: Dada. ALEX: Dada.

I'm Rebecca Donaldson.

And I guess that would
make me Danny Tanner.

And this is a special, afternoon
edition of Wake Up, San Francisco.

So I guess it's more like How
Was Lunch, San Francisco?

We're live at Aquatic Park, near
Fisherman's Wharf, for a special report...

on one of San Francisco's most
unique and entertaining assets:

- Its street performers.
JESSE: Hey, Danny.

Sorry. Listen, Danny,
we have a problem.

- Cut.
- Danny, we can't cut.

We're live at Aquatic Park.

Uncut.

Listen, before I say
anything, I want you to know...

this whole thing was my fault.

I hate stories
that start like that.

Uh, well...

why don't we have a nice, long look
over here at Rollo, the Human Mannequin?

Maybe he'll move. Let's watch.

This better be important. The Bay
Area is waiting for a man to blink.

I know. Listen, I, uh... I let
Michelle walk Comet by herself...

and he ran away.

What? Little girl, big dog?
What's the matter with you?

I know, I totally blew it.
I'm completely irresponsible.

I'm totally negligent. I...

What are you smiling at?

He's smiling because
we're still live at Aquatic Park.

Yes, that's right, Rebecca, and as
much as we all love watching Rollo age...

I would like to make a plea...

to the viewers who haven't switched
over to Uncle Kenny's Cartoon Carnival.

I've just been notified that our
family dog, Comet, is missing.

Dad. Dad, Comet is missing.

I've just been notified again.

He was chasing a giant hot dog.
At first, I didn't believe Michelle...

but it's okay, because I owed her from
a time she lied, and I did believe her.

Well, you never know what's gonna
happen here, live, at Aquatic Park.

We're live?

Oh, I hate this dress.

Hi, I'm Kimmy Gibbler.

I like long walks on the beach,
sunsets and men covered with gravy.

Folks, if you find
a golden retriever...

light brown, medium build,
he's got a black, wet nose that...

Well, it feels kind
of cold and tingly...

when he, you know, presses
it up against your bare feet.

Sometimes he'll stick his tongue
right between your toes and...

Joey, that's a little more than
we need to know. Thank you.

Folks, if you've ever lost your
dog, you know how we feel.

He answers to the
name of Comet...

although if he really answered to that,
he would've come when we called him.

His name's on his dog tag.
Our phone number's on it.

Please call, 24 hours
a day, we'll be there.

Michelle, honey, is there
anything you'd like to add, sweetie?

Comet, if you're lost, remember:

We live on Gerard Street, right
next to your favorite hydrant.

Gee, boy. I hope you're not
out there scared and alone...

because we love
you and miss you...

and we want you to come home
as soon as you can, okay, boy?

- Hey, shorty, how you doing?
- I miss Comet.

Yeah, we all do.

Remember how he used to
chew on his rubber pork chop?

[SQUEAKS]

It's not the same
without slobber.

Why did you let me walk Comet
alone? What were you thinking?

Well, that's the problem,
Michelle. I wasn't thinking.

You know, I was so hurt
by this Rippers thing...

that all I could think about was showing
them up, proving I didn't need them.

And I didn't listen to them. They
were absolutely right, you know?

I did kind of lose my
passion for the music.

And then what happened,
right? I let you walk Comet.

You could've been pulled out
in the streets, could've been hurt.

Uncle Jesse, I'm okay. I'm
just worried about Comet.

I know. We all are.

I'm really sorry, shorty.

It's okay, Uncle Jesse.

- What if Comet never comes home?
- Oh, Comet's gonna come home.

I'm gonna plaster these
posters all over the city...

and I'm gonna go out and look for
him, night and day, until he comes back.

[TOY SQUEAKING]

I miss him so much, I
can still hear his pork chop.

Hm. So can I.

- I can see him too.
- Me too. Comet, you came back.

Good boy. Good b... Hey,
everybody, Comet's back! Good boy.

DANNY: Guys, Comet's
back. STEPH: Comet.

- Comet. Hey.
- Comet.

- Hi, baby.
- Hey, boy.

We really missed you, boy.

Comet, I wish you could talk. I'd
sure love to know what you did all day.
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