Hey, good Jell-O, huh, guys?
Be careful, though.
It's still moving.
It's alive.
It wiggles all the way down.
It wiggles all the way down?
Look, Mama.
All right, Watusi.
BECKY: He's silly, huh?
I met the most amazing
woman in the park today.
Well, actually, I didn't
really meet her, I, uh...
I crashed into her.
And she's amazing because
she didn't have you arrested?
Well, yeah.
Uh, her name is Yvette
and all she speaks is French.
I have a date with her tomorrow
night and from what I can understand...
I think she's bringing a
friend named Marie along.
Two babes in one night?
You devil.
I know, it's great. It's like a double
date and the other guy's got the flu.
Well, you better brush
up on the old Français.
Oh, I will. I'll study
my old French tapes.
[IN FRENCH ACCENT] The
complete works of Pepé Le Pew.
[SINGING] / met the lady in
the park / show my tushy to you
Goal.
All right. That ties the score.
I'm impressed. You're getting
good enough to make this fun.
You want fun?
Get ready to lose.
- One. Two.
- One. Two.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
Uh, that's Gia. Gotta go.
What about our game?
Uh, tie goes to the oldest.
Just wait until I'm the oldest.
- Hey, Steph.
- Hey, Gia.
- Oh, hey, Mrs. Mahan.
- Hi.
Mrs. Mahan?
Hey, Mr. Tanner. You
remember my mom, Claire.
Claire. Claire, Claire, Claire.
Of course, who
could forget Claire.
What's your name again?
Thank you for
letting Gia stay over.
Gia, we are gonna have such a cool
time. I rented a Keanu Reeves movie.
Cool. Which one?
Who cares, he
takes off his shirt.
I'll take that.
You know, I just
had kind of a...
A wacky, nutty idea.
You... You like coffee?
Well, you know, Danny,
I work in a coffee shop...
so I make coffee and I serve
coffee and I drink coffee...
and I think you could say I have
coffee coming out of my ears.
If you can make cream come
out your nose, we're in business.
Can... Can I get you a cup?
Sure, why not?
Cool. Let's... Let's go.
- Okay.
- Okay.
Did my dad and your
mom just go on a date?
No, they're just
going out for coffee.
At their age, that's a date.
It's gonna be so much fun...
Hello.
Uncle Jesse, we were just...
Kissing on the couch?
Basically, yeah.
Take a breath and check
this out. Look at this.
"Can Jesse Katsopolis
make a comeback?
Hot Daddy and the Monkey Puppets
scheduled to appear at the Smash Club."
- Can you believe this?
- Did they mention me?
Yeah, they mention
all the Monkey Puppets.
I can't believe this.
Can I make a comeback? I
didn't know I went away, you know?
A guy switches bands and all
of a sudden he's a has-been?
What am I saying?
We're gonna be great.
Unless, of course, we bite.
We're not gonna
bite. We're terrific.
The band sounds great.
What if the band's not ready?
See, that's the problem.
If the band's not ready...
I gotta stop talking to myself.
Talking to myself's okay.
Answering myself, that's the problem.
I'm just gonna go in the kitchen
and, basically, leave myself alone.
- Oh, were you finished?
- What do you mean?
I just didn't know if
you read as fast as I do.
- Are you saying I'm a slow reader?
- No.
Some people read fast
and other people read faster.
Well, I'm sorry I don't
read as faster as you.
Did I say something wrong?
No, but I know
what you're thinking.
Well, would you like to tell
me, because I'm really not sure.
Yeah, you think just because you're
gonna go to college and I didn't...
- that I'm not as smart as you.
- I don't think that at all.
I... I'm sorry, I didn't realize you were
so insecure about this college thing.
I am not insecure.
Maybe you're just
a little too secure.
Oh, that makes a lot of sense.
Well, I'm sorry I never
took logic in college.
Just forget it. I
gotta go rehearse.
Fine. I have something to read.
And I'm gonna do it really fast.
Whoa. Check this out.
Teased hair, leather
jacket, black lipstick.
What would your mom say
if you left the house like that?
Nothing. She'd be unconscious.
Hey, could I see?
Uh, Michelle, this
isn't really for you.
Why don't you go read
one of your baby books?
Why don't you just go?
[DANNY SINGING]
Hey, you guys are still awake?
So, what did you two
crazy kids do tonight?
Actually, it was
very interesting.
Claire and I were sitting in a coffee shop
sharing a piece of lemon meringue pie.
It was perfect too, because
Claire loves the lemon part...
and you know me and meringue.
There was this
poster on the wall...
for this monster truck
and tractor-pull show.
- So to make a long story short...
- Too late for that.
It's amazing, Gia, your mom
is so crazy and spontaneous...
she talked me into going.
So are you and my
mom, like, dating?
Well, I wouldn't
exactly call it dating.
We went out for coffee...
and I am gonna take her to
the Smash Club tomorrow night.
But, you know,
technically, I wouldn't say...
Hey, I'm dating.
Hey. Well, good night, girls.
Night, Dad.
[SINGING]
Whoa, this is serious.
My mom and your dad?
Steph, this is so cool.
Yeah, I mean, what if they
really hit it off and get married.
How great would that be?
- We'd be sisters.
- Yes.
Then we could share the
same room, stay up late.
Put our beds together
and share secrets.
- I know. It's gonna be so...
- Wait a second. This is my room too.
Don't worry, little Michelle,
we'll find a place for you.
It's a big house.
Hey, you wanna sneak
down for a midnight snack, sis?
You read my mind, sis.
It's gonna be like this all the time if
my dad and your mom get married.
- It's so cool.
- It's so fun.
What are you gonna wear
to the Smash Club tonight?
I don't know, but I'm thinking
about my sunflower dress.
Little Michelle, she
was talking to me.
In that case...
speak slowly and
don't use big words.
I'm not sure what
I'm gonna wear.
But all I know, it's gonna
be something totally hot.
- Me too.
- Bad move, Steph.
We wanna get our folks together.
The last thing my mom wants
in her life is another kid like me.
Michelle, I think that your
sunflower dress is gonna look terrific.
Thanks, but I'm thinking
about a whole new look.
Why don't you sing your part.
[SINGING]
Right.
Good. All right.
Good. That was perfect, excellent.
Let's try it again. This time do it better.
Jess, relax. Come on,
we've been doing this all day.
We're gonna be fine tonight.
We got nothing to worry about.
Maybe you don't, you're
not making a comeback.
All you're doing is making
a, "Hi, I'm a Monkey Puppet."
- Hey, Deej.
- Hi, Uncle Jesse.
Wild guess. You
guys aren't talking.
Why say something if everything I say
gets twisted into something I didn't say?
Are you saying I'm twisted?
See?
So you guys are talking,
you're just not making any sense.
I don't know what to do.
She thinks I'm insecure...
- because I didn't go to college.
- Well, are you?
Yeah, I guess I am.
Oh, man, I really
blew up at her.
- Maybe I should just apologize, huh?
- Yeah, that's good.
Do that but, Viper,
listen to the...
Listen to the doctor of
love over here, okay?
Apologize, very good.
Next thing you gotta do is show
her that you have a sense of humor.
Okay, now, buy her a...
Like, get her a silly gift or something
to show her that you care, okay?
That, my friend, is the very thing
that women can't get enough of, okay?
That's the thing that
women love, you see?
Honey, I'm sorry, I
missed part of that.
What's the thing that women
love and can't get enough of?
Yeah, right, like
I'm gonna tell you.
Take it again.
[SINGING]
Will that be the hip
or unhip section?
Definitely unhip.
Kimmy, could you take my order?
Sure, what would you like?
Another waitress.
Can you order me a root
beer? I'll be right back.
- Why won't you tell us what's in the bag?
- You'll see.
[SPEAKING IN FRENCH]
I believe the Eiffel
Tower is that way.
I'm supposed to meet
Yvette and Marie here.
Seen anyone who looks French?
No. Including you.
- Hi.
- Hey, Dad.
So where you guys been?
We went by the bridge
to watch the fog roll in.
That sounds romantic.
Not really. After about 10
minutes, I couldn't even see Claire.
They are so lame.
As long as they're
lame together.
Hi. I'm D.J. I'll
be your waitress.
Oh, hi. I'm Danny.
I'll be your father.
And this is your father's friend,
Claire. This is my oldest daughter, D.J.
- Hi, nice meeting you.
- My pleasure.
Now I know why my
dad smells so nice tonight.
Oh, gee, thanks.
It's my own special
blend of cologne.
I combine Hai Karate
with baby powder.
I call it Hi, Baby.
- Bye, Dad.
- Bye, baby.
Your kids are great. I
can't wait to meet Michelle.
She's here somewhere.
While I go look for her...
- I'll rustle us up a couple cappuccinos.
- Okay.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Come here. I got
something for you.
You didn't have to do that.
Well, maybe I was
a little oversensitive.
So I got something to
show you how I really feel.
- That's how you feel?
- Yeah.
See, I'm totally secure.
I'm happy for you.
- Don't you think it's funny?
- What's the funny part?
That you're stupid or that
I'm dating someone stupid?
All of it.
Do you have to analyze
everything to death?
That shirt's not funny.
Why do I bother?
Oh, Yvette.
[SPEAKING IN FRENCH]
Ooh, Marie. Ooh, la, la.
Joey?
[SPEAKS IN FRENCH]
Oh, well, nice to
meet you, Jacques.
If you'll excuse me, I've
gotta go speak to Marie.
You're talking to him.
Mari means husband.
Even I know that,
and I got a D in French.
[SPEAKS IN FRENCH]
Husband.
Oh, husband.
Quelle surprise.
Please, would you
like to be seated?
Le sit. Le chair. Le sit.
Le table.
Oh, le bummed.
[SPEAKS IN FRENCH]
Oh, you're children.
Oh, boy. You two
certainly have been busy.
So you must be the babe
who's hitting on my old man.
Got a smoke?
No, I'm sorry, I quit.
Too bad. I'm trying to start.
Where's pops?
Pops went to go get
some cappuccino.
Where were you,
Madonna's garage sale?
You're Danny's little Michelle?
Who were you expecting,
Little Miss Muffet?
Move it or lose it.
Is my root beer here yet?
I like to suck it back...
before all the foam's gone.
Hey, kid, what happened to you?
You look great.
[BURPS]
- Michelle?
- So, Pops...
what have you been
telling blondie about me?
First, Michelle,
it isn't Halloween.
Second, you're not an MTV
VJ. So tell me what's going on.
Hey, I'm just being myself.
Bad to the bone.
I've seen your x-rays.
You don't have bad bone in
your body. Out of the booth.
I want you out of these clothes right now
and I want all that makeup off your face.
Then I want you back here...
- and we're gonna talk about this.
- Maybe we will, maybe we won't.
Maybe we will?
Viper, what are you doing?
Why aren't you getting ready?
We're on in 10 minutes. Come
on, this is make-it-or-break-it time.
I'm sorry, Jess. I'm
too depressed to play.
I gave D.J. a goofy gift like
you told me and she hated it.
You're young, you got good
hair, you'll bounce back. Come on.
I'm sorry, Jess.
I just can't play
when I feel like this.
You just can't play
when you feel like...
The fact that my career is on
the line has no effect on you?
Yeah, I feel really
bad about that.
- And that makes it hurt even worse.
- Stay here, stay here.
D.J. Deej. Come here.
Listen, I need
you to talk to Viper.
No, I don't know what to say.
We're just too different.
Haven't you heard
of opposites attract?
Look at your Aunt Becky and me.
In some ways we
couldn't be more different.
We're constantly having these
fights about television, right.
Over sports or Melrose Place.
And once in a while I have to give
in and watch a football game with her.
Go talk to him, please.
I need him on stage.
Just... Just talk. There
you go. That's good.
Talk. I'm not hearing.
I'm not hearing talking.
You guys, you have
something very special here.
See, a relationship is like a...
Well, it's like a little
flower, if you will.
It needs water.
It needs care in
order for it to grow.
But fighting is like...
It's like a hail
storm that kind of...
That kind of pounds
your flower down.
Down flower, down flower.
But with love and
understanding...
your flower can grow.
It could stand tall...
and stretch its petals...
and kiss the sun.
What do you say? Can
you kiss and make up?
I'm sorry.
I acted like a jerk.
Come here, my little flower.
Let's not have
another hail storm.
Yeah. They bought it.
Okay, everyone
out of the garden.
You back to work. You on stage.
Let's go.
You guys keep this up, you're
gonna need a bigger wallet.
ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen,
Hot Daddy and the Monkey Puppets.
Okay, Michelle.
You wanna tell me what that
rebel-without-a-hall-pass act was about?
I don't want you
to marry Claire.
Who told you I was
gonna marry Claire?
- They did.
- Girls.
- Yeah, Dad?
- Did you tell Michelle...
- I was gonna marry Claire?
- No, not really.
We just thought it
would be cool if you did.
Well, I don't think it's cool.
You'll have Claire.
Stephanie and Gia
have each other.
I'm out in the cold.
Sweetheart, nobody's gonna
leave you out in the cold.
They already did.
- Uh, Gia, I'll meet you back at the table.
- Okay.
Michelle, I'm sorry.
I guess I have been
kind of ignoring you.
I mean, I did think it would be
cool to have Gia as a sister...
but I didn't think it'd be
uncool to have you as a sister.
- Really?
- Yeah.
There's stuff I can do with you
that I could never do with Gia.
Like what?
Like b*ating you at knock
hockey a hundred times in a row.
Hey, I'm gonna b*at
you one of these days.
Yeah, right. Name
the time and the place.
Tomorrow morning,
10:00, our living room.
I know right where
that is. I'll be there.
So I guess we're
still sisters, huh?
Dad, if you wanna
marry Claire, you can.
Michelle, it's our second date.
If I ever decide to marry
Claire or anybody else...
I promise, nobody's
coming into this family...
unless we love them and
they love all of us, all right?
Love you.
All right, break's
over. How you doing?
I guess I'm back.
It's time to take you there.
This is the Michelle
I was expecting.
Yeah, I clean up nice.
It's nice to meet the real you.
- Can I sit down?
- Nope.
- Michelle, that's rude.
- Well, how can she dance with you...
if she's sitting down?
Oh, you see, I...
I see what you're
getting at. Very wise.
Shall we?