TWINS: Michelle,
Michelle, Michelle.
What is it guys?
We made up a joke, Michelle.
Lay it on me, boys.
Who has four legs and barks?
A dog?
She heard it.
[PLAYING GUITAR]
Very good. Center
ringer. Center ringer, girls.
I told you you could play a hundred
songs if you mastered three chords.
Yeah, you're already
way ahead of AC/DC.
I'm impressed, Gia, you're
pretty good on that bass.
Thanks, I taught myself.
Now I can drown my mom out
when she's sweating to the oldies.
We're having so much
fun playing together...
we're thinking of
starting a band.
Did you hear that?
My little niece
starting her first band.
Following in the
footsteps of Uncle J.
I'm so proud of you.
I was about your age
when I started my first band.
It was me, Little Ed, Big
Ed and Regular-Size Ed.
They didn't have a
lot of names back then.
If you are serious, you can sign up
for our Wake Up, San Francisco...
- Young Talent Search.
- We'd be perfect for that.
- We're young, we're talented.
- Your search is over.
Well, if you get a band together
in a week, we'll give you a sh*t.
A week?
Yeah, well, all you need is a
keyboard player, a drummer...
- and maybe a couple of Eds.
- Oh, I'll give you a couple of Eds.
[SQUEALS]
No, what you need is
what I had in my band.
You need a guiding
force. You need a mentor.
A musical genius, if you will, to kind of
push you guys and inspire and motivate.
You know what I'm saying?
Which Ed was that?
It was me. Huh?
You mean, you wanna
be, like, our manager?
Steph, where would you get a
wacky, nutty, madcap idea like that?
- From you.
- I accept.
Oh, that'd be great.
You know what'd be really
cool? Is if we had an all-girl band.
- Like the Go-Go's.
- That'd be good.
You know, Melissa
Morgan plays the drums.
She'd be perfect,
she has no life.
All we need now is
a keyboard player.
- I don't know anyone.
- Yeah, neither do I.
Well, I know one
keyboard player.
But you guys would have to have
a pretty open mind about this one.
How open?
Well...
[PLAYS CHARGE BUGLE CALL]
Charge.
Well, she may not be Billy Joel, but
she knows how to get a crowd going.
Going where, to
the nearest exit?
Steph, right now
she's all we got.
But you don't know her like I
do. She's rude, crude, and lewd.
That's perfect.
- Let's rock and roll.
- Whoo!
[BAND PLAYING DIFFERENT TUNES]
Hold it. Hold it.
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
Hold it, Ringo. The cymbal.
People, if you're gonna be in a
band and you're gonna play a song...
play the same song.
Now, who can read music?
JESSE: Anyone?
- My father can.
We got a lot of work to do.
Gather around. Gather around.
[TAPPING KEYS]
[BOTH CHUCKLING]
- Hey, honey. D.J.: Hi.
- How's your homework coming?
- I just made $6000.
Doing homework?
All I used to get was a stamp
with a little happy face on it.
Joey, it's not real money.
- She's doing an economics project.
- Wow.
Yeah, we started two weeks
ago with 5000 fictitious dollars.
We choose stocks and
make fictitious investments.
- I'm halfway to a
fictitious Miata. JOEY: Ooh.
So far, everything I've
picked has been a winner.
Hmm. Looks like my
cholesterol chart. Ha-ha.
So Deej, you got
any hot tips for us?
- Well, just between us.
- Yeah.
Today, I invested all
my money in Glamotoys.
Glamotoys?
[WHIMPERS]
Shh. There are spies everywhere.
Yeah, I guess so.
[CHUCKLES]
You know something, Danny, I
think DJ's onto something here.
You and I should invest
some real dollars in Glamotoys.
I don't think so. The
stock market is too risky.
I don't even take a chance
when I play Monopoly.
I just pass Go, I ride the railroad.
If I land on "take a chance," I quit.
Danny, what risk? DJ obviously
knows what she's doing.
Look at all these charts and graphs.
Come on, you and I will be partners.
- Ah, maybe you're right.
- Yeah.
I'm tired of always sitting on the
sidelines, watching other people get rich.
I completely missed
out on the '80s.
Great, I've got some money
stashed away in my belch jar.
Your belch jar?
Yeah, my belch jar. Every
time I belch, I drop a quarter in it.
Let me just say that I am one burrito
away from owning my own condo.
You should own your
own suburb by now.
[BAND PLAYING "THE SIGN"]
[MOUTHING SONG]
Very good.
JESSE: Okay, okay.
So how were we? I
mean, how were they?
We've only been
working for a few days...
but they're all playing the same
song in the same key in the same room.
I think that we found
some contestants...
for Wake Up, San Francisco's
Young Talent Search.
- All right. Great.
- Absolutely.
You guys, you were totally...
You were def, you were fresh,
you were chilling, you were fly.
You kids actually use
any of those hip words still?
Yeah, we do. But I'm gonna stop.
Grownups, out of the room.
We gotta rehearse. Thank you.
- Have fun, you guys.
- All right, let's take it from the top.
Come on, Uncle sl*ve
Driver. Can't we take a break?
We've been rehearsing forever.
Look at this, my blisters
are getting blisters.
- I realize that. GIRLS:
Come on, please?
If you wanna be a good band, you
gotta rehearse until you get it perfect.
How can someone so
mean have such great hair?
Huh. Heh.
All right, what the
heck. Take five.
- All right, let's hit the mall.
- Yeah.
We can pick out cool
outfits to wear for the contest.
No, guys. I said five.
That's five minutes.
[GIRLS CHATTERING]
All right, take 10, you said
nice things about my hair.
Well, let's just call it lunch.
Let's just have a little lunch.
[GIRLS CHATTERING]
I know, and those rings are
gonna look really great with it.
Okay, everybody.
Let's work on our look.
It should be
vulnerable, yet tough.
Tougher.
Come on, Tanner. Can't
you get any tougher than that?
Not without spraining my face.
[SIGHS]
Let's work on our hair.
We better go. It
could be contagious.
We're practicing how to
pose for our album cover.
Sorry, we thought
you had cooties.
Actually, we're here because we may
be of some assistance to your ensemble.
Look, unless you're here
to help the band, get lost.
Kimmy, stay with me on this.
Derek and Lisa
are great singers.
If you let them in the band,
you'd definitely win the contest.
Excuse me when I say:
[LAUGHING]
I was afraid of this.
The risk of humiliation
has borne bitter fruit.
Michelle, b*at it. I
gotta work with the band.
You can start on
their personalities.
All right, troops, break's
over. Let's hit the studio.
Uncle Jesse, we've already
got the music part down.
Now, we need to
work on our look.
You already got the look:
four girls who need to rehearse.
I'm not gonna be on the side
of that stage calling out chords.
Oh, like we can't
remember three chords?
A, E...
I, O, U.
Come on, what's the big deal? Dad
and Aunt Becky said we were great.
- They said we were great.
- Of course.
They're family. I'm
gonna tell you the truth.
Truth is you just
wanna boss us around.
You guys made a million
mistakes. Let's hit the studio.
- Name one.
- All right, let's start with you.
You missed chord changes,
you were flat on the first verse...
your guitar playing
slowed the song down...
I said one.
I mean, give us a
break, Uncle Jesse.
- It sounded okay.
- Okay? Okay's not gonna cut it.
You guys aren't ready to
perform in front of people.
What you gotta do is practice until
you can play this stuff in your sleep.
- Any other complaints?
- You have a bad attitude.
Well, that's because
you're a bad manager.
Steph, I don't really need this.
Well, we don't need you.
Really? So you
guys are f*ring me?
We can't fire you, you quit.
Kimmy, I'll handle this.
Stephanie, I'm sorry I got
involved in your little band.
Not as sorry as we are.
Yeah. Pack it up,
Uncle Hair Boy.
You know, Kimmy, I think I
won't miss you most of all.
That's it. Tanner's
got the look.
[GIRLS CHUCKLE]
Hey. How did our stock do?
I'm checking right now, partner.
Glamo, Glamo, Glam... Oh.
What "oh"? What happened?
It's down six points.
That's awful.
- Well, it could've been a lot worse.
- How?
I could've invested as
much money as you did.
Hey, do you have the business
section? I wanna see how Glamo did.
You want the obituaries.
It's down six points.
Whoa. Good thing no
one lost any real money.
- Right. Good thing.
- Yeah. Good thing.
So you think you guys are ready?
[TUNING]
Yeah, we practiced all day.
Good. You were working
on the chord changes, huh?
No, we practiced
our choreography.
Steph, that's the last
thing you need to practice.
It was. Hair, nails,
choreography.
Huh. You had a full day.
I know what you're thinking, Uncle
Jesse. But we're gonna show you.
We're gonna be great out here.
And you're gonna be sorry
about the way you treated us.
I hope that happens.
Greetings, music lovers.
Gibbler, you're late.
Sorry, I was picking
up my new keyboard.
I got my two lackeys
lugging it in right now.
Be careful, doofoids,
that thing's expensive.
Wow, abusive and inconsiderate.
You're gonna make
someone a great first wife.
Kimmy, since you have
no means of support...
and no hope of getting any, where
did you get the money to get this?
Wise investing.
Deej, I've been following
that Glamo stock.
- I made a bundle.
- What are you talking about?
- It went down six points yesterday.
- That's when I bought it.
At its all-time low. It
went up 20 points today.
So I sold it and
made a tidy little profit.
Yes, yes, yes, yes!
[SINGING GOOFY TUNE]
I've never seen you
so happy for Kimmy.
You still haven't. Joey
and I bought that stock.
We're gonna make a bundle.
Danny. Danny, the jig is up.
I hate to burst your bundle,
but I sold that stock this morning.
This morning it was
at its all-time low.
Exit, stage righty-then.
I am shocked.
I never thought you guys
would cheat off my homework.
Hey, Danny. It's
almost showtime.
Ready to light up that stage?
Now?
I am so depressed.
I can't be expected to go out there and
perform right now like some trained seal.
[INTRO MUSIC PLAYS]
Hi, everybody. I'm Danny Tanner.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
And I'm Rebecca Donaldson.
Welcome to Wake Up, San
Francisco's Young Talent Search.
Actually, the search is over because
all the young talent is right here.
Oh, gee, Becky, thank
you. You are too kind.
I was talking about
the kids backstage.
- So let's get them out here.
- Oh.
Ha-ha. Our first
contestant is Jennifer Robin.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
Excuse me, I work alone.
Okay.
[PLAYING VIOLIN]
[CAMERA CLICKS]
[SINGING "LA BAMBA"]
[HULA MUSIC PLAYING]
[PLAYING BLUES TUNE]
[TAP-DANCING TO A LIVELY TUNE]
[PLAYING COUNTRY TUNE]
[IRISH DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]
[PLAYING "WHEN
SAINTS GO MARCHING IN"]
We're next.
You guys are gonna do great.
Uh-oh. It's my stomach.
Mother made pork
pasta salad for lunch.
And I thought it
tasted a bit off.
I think you just
have stage fright.
How do you know?
You're not my therapist.
[MUSIC ENDS, CROWD APPLAUDS]
Next up, the musical
stylings of Lisa and Derek.
Thank you very much.
Come on, Derek.
I need a Tums the
size of a hockey puck.
Derek, don't
worry. You'll be fine.
You're gonna blow
the roof off this place.
If you don't blow chunks first.
[PLAYING "DON'T GO
BREAKING MY HEART"]
[SINGING]
[JOEY MOUTHS LINE]
[HITTING HIGH NOTE]
[GLASSES BREAK]
[LOUD CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
DANNY: Derek and Lisa.
Derek and Lisa.
And Joey.
That's a tough act to follow.
But somebody's gotta do it.
So let's give it up for our
final contestants, Girl Talk.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
Uncle Jesse, you
think they're ready?
How do I know? What, I look
like their manager or something?
[PLAYING "THE SIGN"]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
[SINGING]
[FEEDBACK]
[RESUMES SINGING]
[PLAYING AND
SINGING OUT OF SYNC]
Cut, cut, cut.
[CYMBALS CLANG]
Sorry, slight technical
problem. Heh.
[CROWD MURMURING]
- You're supposed to stay with me.
- We would...
- if we knew what you were playing.
- Well, guys, let's just...
- start from where we left off.
- We all left off in different places.
Let's just pick it up, okay?
On three. One, two, three.
[PLAYING AND
SINGING OUT OF SYNC]
We bite.
Hope I can get my
money back on this outfit.
Wait, guys, come on.
[PLAYS CHARGE BUGLE CALL]
Tough crowd.
Well, that was a
really, really good try.
[CHUCKLES]
Let's give it up for Girl Talk.
All right.
Thank you.
And the winners are Lisa
Leeper and Derek S. Boyd.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
Thank you, thank you. We owe it
all to our manager, Michelle Tanner.
[CHUCKLES AND APPLAUSE]
[SIGHS]
Hi, Steph.
Listen, we need to talk.
Why bother? I know
what you're gonna say.
You missed your chord
changes. Your singing was flat.
You have no business being out
there. You made a total fool of yourself.
Keep going, I'm not finished.
It's not funny, Uncle Jesse.
You know, I hope you're happy.
Because this was the most
humiliating night of my life.
Just leave me alone.
Steph, who are you
really angry at here?
Myself.
For not listening to you.
Now we're getting somewhere.
And you, for picking on me.
Picking? I prefer
to call it motivating.
Call it what you want,
you made me feel terrible.
Well, I guess I was
a little hard on you.
I'm sorry. It's just that...
What happened tonight
was what I was afraid of.
You going up there on stage for
your first time and being humiliated.
The same thing happened to me.
I'll bet you didn't
b*mb like we did.
Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho.
It was our sixth-grade
talent show, right?
It was me, the three
Eds, you know those guys.
And all we were concerned
about was our hair.
So we're back before the show, greasing
up, getting all greasy, ready to go.
I can't hold on to my drumsticks,
my hands are so greasy.
So I'm getting ready
to do "Wipeout."
Phew. The stick goes
flying, I wipe out Little Ed.
Are you making that up
to make me feel better?
No.
But does it?
Kind of.
I guess we should've
practiced a little more.
I guess you should've
practiced a lot more.
Listen, Steph, you can't
succeed at anything in life...
whether it be a
band, or school...
or whatever you're doing at the time,
without working hard and having discipline.
Yeah, guess there's more to being
in a band than just looking great.
Although we did look great.
Yeah, you looked
very, very good.
But you did pay some
major dues tonight.
Really? Like what?
You won't have to go through
your first performance again.
Luckily, neither
will the audience.
Listen, I hope I didn't
turn you off to music.
Because you do have
some natural talent.
Thanks, Uncle Jesse.
That really means a lot to me.
'Kay.
Well, listen. I'm happy to
help you anytime you want.
But not as your
manager, as your uncle.
How much percentage
does an uncle get?
[IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE] Eeeh.
[CHUCKLES]
Proud of you.
Let's go out and see
what happening out there.