01x15 - Fake News

[bunniefuu]

Gabby, what is that?

(buzzing)

Gabby:
It's a Praxian Fairy.

They're not dangerous,
just very, very naughty.

Now, if we don't move,
maybe it won't...

Now!
(grunts)

Liv, catch it!

(blows raspberry)

Hey, girls.

Hey, Mom!
Shouldn't you be at work?

Yeah, but the station
gave me the day off.

It turns out there's
nothing interesting

to report on in this town.

Oh.

♪♪

(chittering)

Dina:
Where's the coffee creamer?

I put it in there yesterday.

(Gabby grunting)

There it is.

Here you go!

Oh.

You would think
something newsworthy

would be going on
in a town this size.

(rattling)

You would think, but guess not!

(sighs)

We should start that.

(dishwasher powers on)

Open it.

(angry chittering)

(both groan)

(theme song playing)

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ I do normal like
a fish rides a bicycle ♪

♪ Fit in like summer
and an icicle ♪

♪ Don't fight it,
just be an original ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ I roller skate
outside the lines ♪

♪ When I try to stay in,
it's no surprise ♪

♪ It's a fail, it's okay,
I'm one of a kind ♪

♪ One of a, one of a kind ♪

♪ So anytime I feel
some type of way ♪

♪ Don't understand
the human race ♪

♪ So what, so what, so what ♪

♪ I do my thing,
I do my thing ♪

♪ You do your thing,
You do your thing ♪

♪ When we don't fit in ♪

♪ We stand out in the crowd
and we shout it loud ♪

♪ I do my thing,
I do my thing ♪

♪ I'm the one and only,
I'm the one and only ♪

♪ Don't try to fit in,
Don't try to fit in ♪

♪ Mm-hmm, I do my thing ♪

(beeps, stops)

Yeah!

Yeah, let's do this.

I made your favorite:

Breakfast pie!

Olivia: It's breakfast,
in the shape of pi.

You're certainly must be
in a good mood today.

I am in a good mood.

You know, I've been thinking:

Life is pretty good here
in Havensburg.

I know a lot of that
is the whole

babysitting aliens thing,

but aside from that,

I really feel like
I'm hitting my stride here.

Ugh!

Word of advice, girls:

Don't grow up to be reporters.

Mom? Are you okay?

Yeah. I just
was up all night

trying to scare up
a newsworthy story:

Combed the internet,

loaded a neighborhood
watch app on my phone,

listened to
the police scanner... nada.

Well, don't worry. I'm sure
you'll find something soon.

Yeah. I hope so.

In the meantime,
I'm off to report

on such hard-hitting pieces

as "Local Man Expands
Bird Bath Collection."

Paul's expanding
his bird bath collection?

How is this not big news
to you guys?

Wesley: So...

in conclusion,

while I have been
informally helping Gabby

on many of her
babysitting assignments,

I think the time has come
for me to take on a more...

formal role
within the organization.

I was thinking something
along the lines of...

Senior Executive Liaison
to Intergalactic Affairs.

Absolutely not.

How about
Chief Associate Director

of Extraterrestrial Activity?

Unh-unh.

Lead Coordinator

of... Hyper-Dimensional
Accounts?

(blows raspberry)

Space Pope?

Wesley, none of these
positions actually exist!

Besides, Gabby
already provides me

with all the assistance I need.

Sir. I'm just asking to be
involved in alien business

in an official capacity.

That's all.

You really aren't going to leave

until I give you
something, are you?

I brought snacks.

(clattering)

Oh, man!

(sighs)

- Sorry.
- Tell you what.

I'll give you
a trial assignment.

And if you do well,

I'll consider giving you
a more formal role,

or, uh, whatever it is
you're after.

Awesome!
What do you need?

I have a storage unit.

And it's been rather a long time

since I've cleaned it,

and there's a bit
of a mold problem.

Alien mold.

Whoa!

I need you to clean it out.

But be warned:

This Narullian Death Mold is
filled with psychotic spores.

If you breathe any of it,

it'll infect your brain,

removing any hint of empathy,

turning you into
a remorseless k*lling machine.

So you'll need to wear a
protective suit while you clean.

I formally accept this mission.

Please don't do that.

Gabby! We've got a Double
D situation on our hands!

A dog doctor?
(chuckles)

I knew it was only
a matter of time.

Seems like dogs get smarter
every year, you know?

No! Mom's in
the Dina Dumps!

What? No.

She's only
a little down, is all.

If Mom was in the Dina Dumps,
she'd be eating a ton of...

She's already eaten
seven microwave burritos.

She's in the Dina Dumps.

That ratty pink bathrobe?

You mean the Fortress
of Softitude?

She's been wearing it all day.

Then it must be bad.

I'll go see if I can
figure out what's going on.

Aye, Mami. I don't know.

I uprooted my family
and moved them

to Havensburg for my career.

Pero nothing ever happens
in this town.

- Mm-hmm.
- (sauce squirts)

(sighs) Sometimes I think
the whole thing was a mistake

and we would be better off
back in Miami.

Mm-hmm.

Are you sure
that's what Mom said?

Liv, I'm telling you
exactly what I heard.

She said there's no exciting
news to report on in Havensburg,

so moving here was a mistake.

But I like living in Havensburg!

Do you know how clean
the tap water is here?

Like, really clean.

And if we move somewhere else,
there won't be any aliens

and then I'm going to have to go
back to babysitting boring, old you.

- No offense.
- None taken.

Wait...

If Mom wants to move because
the news here is so boring,

we just have to find some way
to make really exciting news

so she'll wanna stay.
Right?

Right! Let's brainstorm
some ideas! I'll take notes.

Ugh!

Fairy goop.

Gross!

Too bad Mom can't report this.

It'd be the story
of the century.

Liv, you're a genius!

Mom can't report
on aliens, per se,

but we could use alien stuff
to make stories

that she could report on, right?

I guess.

Although that really raises
some ethical questions.

Nope. Don't have time
for that.

Get ready, little sis.

'Cause you and me are about
to make some headlines.

No. No.

Gabby:
Okay, so here's the deal...

We've got to make some
cool news happen in this town

or my mom could potentially
move us somewhere else.

You don't really think
she'd do that, do you?

Quite frankly, we don't know
what that woman is capable of.

The good news is, we have some
of the best and brightest minds

in the galaxy here to come up
with ideas for news stories.

So, let's brainstorm.
All right, what do we got?

I find the most powerful humans
I can and I rip off...

- Nope.
- You didn't let me finish.

- Don't need to.
- Their fingers.

Doesn't change things.

I don't know,

this finger-ripping idea
sounds pretty legit.

I say we do that.

I could have you
seven fingers by noon.

Should we say our goodbyes now

or later?

- Gabby: Sky?
- I just wanna say, for the record,

you cannot ever
move away from me.

Like, ever.

Don't worry.
No one's moving anywhere.

We're gonna figure this out.

Good.
Because before you,

my best friend
was a stuffed owl,

and I am not going back to that

because he was so mean.

Okay. Good to know.

Okay, Wesley.

Stay smart, stay clean.

And don't let the alien mold
turn you into a k*lling machine.

Let's do this.

♪♪

Oh! Oh!

Break time.

(scoffs)

I'm in West Havensburg,

where area residents are alarmed

by a pothole

some are saying has become
a serious thr*at.

Oh, tell me, sir.

Just how dangerous
is this pothole?

When did they start letting
women do the news?

Okay, then.

Are you getting this?

Exploding fire hydrants.

They are a thr*at
to Havensburg's safety.

What is the cause of them?

Is our water system safe
or is it a ticking time b*mb?

(all laughing)

Fish Lou, makin' it rain!

In a bizarre turn of events,

the statue of
our beloved town founder,

Ezekiel Burg, appears to have

all of its fingers removed.

A prank gone wrong?

Or a chilling warning
of v*olence to come?

For Local , I'm Dina Duran,
and that's what's shaking.

♪♪

I'm reporting outside
the Luchachos Taqueria...

- where a Kodiak bear
- (bear roaring)

has somehow found
his way inside.

(laughing)

I don't know if you
can see this at home,

but the bear appears
to be eating nachos!

(growls)

(roars)

Too close, too close!

For Local , I'm Dina Duran

and that's what's shaking!

(all laughing)

I was the bear!

And those nachos were delicious!

Nice work, guys.

Well, Wes,

you did it.

You completed
your first assignment.

Senior Executive Liaison
to Intergalactic Affairs,

here I come.

Oops. Missed a spot.

(rips)

(air hissing)

(breathing heavily)

(screaming)

(faint screaming)

Is that a bee?

(screaming continues)

The Narullian Death Mold!
I breathed it in!

(screams)
Narullian Death Mold!

(both scream)

Wait a minute.

There's no such thing
as Narullian Death Mold.

Sure there is.

Swift told me if I breathed
in any of the alien mold

in his storage unit,
I'd become a psychotic k*ller.

I'm pretty sure he lied to you.

Are you really going psycho?

Yeah!

No.

Why would Swift lie to me?

All I wanted was to prove to him

that I can handle alien stuff.

Probably just because
he just wants someone

to clean out his storage unit.

He's been trying to get me
to do it for weeks.

So he doesn't take me seriously?

That kinda hurts my feelings.

Yeah, Principal's the worst.

You know,
he has me in his phone as "Don't Answer."

Hey... how would you like
to help me get him back?

Sure, why not.

I've been helping Gabby
with her thing,

but I could
very easily switch gears.

Good.

Because it looks like the spider

is about to catch himself
some spider food.

That sounded kinda stupid.

Yeah, I know.

I'm just not a sinister guy.
It's not in me.

Ooh! People like
car chases, right?

What if I stole a car?

I'm not good at driving
or stealing,

but I think
it could make some news.

I'm gonna go ahead
and not write that down.

Hey, Gabby,

do you mind watching
Olivia for the night?

I've been on such
a hot streak at work,

me and some friends
are going out

on the town to celebrate.

No problem.
You deserve it.

Thanks, mija.

You know, I'm in
such a good mood,

you get one too.

You know, that bear story
we did went national.

Looks like everything's
coming up Dina!

Sky, what's up?

Umm...

your mom's not going
to celebrate with her friends.

She's got an interview...

for a job in Pittsburgh!

Thank you for meeting me
on such short notice, Dina.

No, thank you.

It's not every day
I get an interview

with a big-time
Pittsburgh producer.

Oh, thank you.

(scoffs)

Celebrating with friends,
indeed.

That's definitely
a job interview!

We've gotta ruin this thing.

Have bears in Havensburg.

Oh! What if we
start a rumor

that Mom fudged
the margins on her resume

to keep it all on one page?

That... can be Plan B.

No, we need something
more immediate.

Some kind of clever,
elaborate plan

to sabotage this...

(both gasp)

You know, some people
call Pittsburgh

(garbled):
The Paris of...

(Dina screams)

(both gasp)

(everyone screaming)

What did you do?
Why are you even here?

The man collapsed in his soup.

Is this not newsworthy?

We're done with that!

Now let's get out of here
before anyone sees us!

Jeremy!

(gasps)

(mumbling)

What's this?

No.

What's going on here?

Principal, I'm so glad
you're here!

It's Wesley.
He's a psycho!

Eh... psycho?
Well, how?

(rattling)

Initial scans detected
Narullian Death Mold

infecting his neuronal pathways.

(chuckles nervously)

Narullian Death Mold?

Eh, that's impossible!
There's no such thing.

I mean...
I don't think there is.

I'm fairly certain
I just made that up.

Didn't I?

I don't know, but he had
a crazy look in his eyes.

I think he went down
to the comms room.

Do you think this is going
to hurt Mom's career?

Having an interviewer
pass out face-first

into a bowl of cold gazpacho?

Nah, I'm sure
it happens all the time!

How did I let this happen?

I was just trying to help
so Mom was happy

and we didn't have to move.

It's not just your fault.

I should've known better, too.

I am eight and a half.

(door opens)

- Hey, girls.
- Hey, Mom.

Were you pacing?

Nope! Uh, so, how was
the celebration thing?

It was... odd.

I mean, everything was
going great at first,

- but then...
- We know about Pittsburgh!

Please don't make us move!

What?

Wait, how do you know
about Pittsburgh?

We can't say, but we just do.

And we don't want
to leave Havensburg.

Oh!

Girls...

I was never going
to take that job.

I only did the interview
so I could get a raise

at my job here.

That's why I didn't
say anything.

I know how hard it was
for you girls to leave Miami.

I'm not going to do that
to you again.

Okay?

Come here.

I love you.

And besides,

why would I ever
leave Havensburg?

There are some crazy things
happening right here!

Like today at the restaurant.

I think the food
might've been poisoned.

Whoa! That sounds...

(chuckles) like it's probably
exactly what happened.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

I gotta look into this...

find their food suppliers,

look into the employees...

I'm gonna get to work.

Ooh! So I guess
we're not moving after all!

Oh. I know!

How about we celebrate
with a glass

of clean, clean tap water?

Pour us some cold ones, sis.

Wesley?

Ahh!

Wesley!

Wesley-woo!

Oh, what's become of you?

Wesley!

Wesley: (on screen) Cleaning
mold all day makes Wesley cray cray.

Cray cray!

Ahh! Ahh!

- (sinister laughter)
- Cray cray.

Uh, why don't we
just turn the lights on

and have a talk?

Uh, there's no need
t-to do anything d-drastic.

(Swift gasping)

Oh, mummy, you know
I'm scared of the dark.

I did what you asked, Swift.

I cleaned the mold.
Oh, I cleaned it all up.

Right, right.
Well, that's very good.

You wouldn't lie to me,
would you, Swift?

About Narullian Death Mold?
About psychotic spores?

I'm not some kind
of joke to you, am I?

Why, that's preposterous!

I take you
very seriously, Wesley.

Very serious indeed.

So what's my title?

Umm... well, uh...

Oh, ohh,
it's Deputy... Admin...

(whispers) Senior Executive
Liaison to Intergalactic Affairs.

Yes, that!
That's the one.

(chuckles nervously)
You've got the job!

You got the job!

Cool! Thanks, buddy!

(breathing heavily)

Ahh!

Wesley: Next time,

on Gabby Duran
and the Unsittables...

- (both scream)
- Gabby: It was an accident.

So, uh, why does this
feel so weird?

Because we kissed!

I just wish we could forget
it ever happened.

It's a mind-wipe.

Ready. This tech
is pretty glitchy.

(screaming)

- (crows)
- What just happened?

(theme music playing)

Man:
Gorgeous!