02x04 - Breaking Brad

[bunniefuu]

[Brad] Battle royale.
Did I call it, or did I call it?

[Jo] You called it.

Hey, everybody. I can't stop playing
MQ's battle royale mode.

There's so much blood.

[chuckles]
I've won! Battle royale.

- Mm-hmm.
-Battle royale is so much fun.

I'm gonna buy a hot dog skin.

Wow. Those kids are young.

Oh, yeah. Our average daily user
just got down to nine years old.

So now that we've got the kids,
what are we gonna do with them?

We are gonna bleed 'em dry, of course.

Hey, Brad. I need to talk to you
about a, uh, rather serious matter.

It's, uh,

your birthday!

[laughs]
Let's hear it for the birthday boy.

♪ Happy birthday-- ♪

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
It's not my birthday.

Brad. I know you like to put up walls,

but I have it on pretty good authority
that today is your birthday.

Okay, well,
I don't know who your source is...

[gasps]

...but they're a liar.

Uh, no, actually, they're not a liar.
Because they're your brother!

[yells]
Come on out, Zack.

Happy birthday, bro. [laughs]

[laughs] Look at his face.
Oh, my God, that's priceless.

- Zack e-mailed me a few weeks ago.
- Mmm.

Said you guys hardly see each other,
and he wanted to surprise you.

Naturally, I was on board. [chuckles]

And as, uh, an only child
who always wanted a brother,

I cannot imagine how excited
you are right now. [chuckles]

[Zack chuckles]

Come here, big guy. Come.

Oh, so good to see you. [Zack chuckles]

That is beautiful.

Ooh. [laughs]

What's his angle? What is he planning?

- Sorry, I'm lost.
- Me too. Is this a new hallway?

Is everything okay? You seem frazzled.

I'm not frazzled. I'm plotting.

Of course. Plotting against who?

My brother, Zack.

He's a private equity douche

who swoops in, fattens up companies
and then guts 'em.

- He's a stone-cold k*ller.
[Jo] A k*ller? That guy?

Yes, that guy.

I bet he's here to k*ll my pig.

So typical.

I won't let him. This is my pig.

If anyone's gonna k*ll it,
it's gonna be me.

- Sorry, what pig?
- The company.

Battle royale must have
juiced our numbers enough

to get him interested.

- He smells blood in the water.
- The pig's blood?

- My blood!
- You're bleeding?

[sighs] It's a metaphor, Jo. Keep up.
- I'm trying.

The birthday party is just a cover.
He's here to take my job.

Well, guess what. I know what to do.

[Jo] Oh, sorry, are we walking?

Uh...

What are you doing?

I'm hiding in my office until he leaves.

It's a power play.

- Is it?
- Yes, it is, Jo! Okay?

Do not question me.
Just get rid of him.

Yes, sir. Right away, sir.

[chattering]

[Ian] This doesn't make sense.

Why would Montreal reward Poppy

for putting a cancer into the game
that will eventually k*ll MQ?

They gave her a Porsche.

- They gave her a Porsche?
- Yeah.

Damn. [chuckles]
Battle royale must be bringing in bank.

That's not the point, tester. [sighs]

You don't gift
a high-performance vehicle like that

to a first-time driver, all right?

You give 'em a piece of sh*t like this.

[scoffs]

You're welcome for the ride, dude.

Also, with climate change,

everyone should be driving
an eco-friendly vehicle.

I realize that.
That's why I have three Teslas.

Why do you have three Teslas?

Because I care about the environment.
Follow the conversation.

Pull over here. There she is.

Is she sitting on the hood?

[Rachel] I guess it's nice
you're picking her up.

[Ian] I'm not picking her up.
The little monster can kick rocks.

I'm here for the car.

[car door opens, closes]

Hey!
[yelps]

- Are you out of your mind?
- What? Whoa, what's happening?

You can't sit on that hood
like it's the g*dd*mn General Lee.

- Ooh, you can't say that anymore.
- [together] Shut up.

- How did you know I was here?
- Your tester told my tester.

But that's not the point, Poppy.

You can't leave machinery like this
on the side of the road.

It's disrespectful.

You might want to get the chocolate bars
off the dash. They're melting.

You put chocolate in there?

Okay, fine. You deal with it then.

I can't drive this stupid thing anyway.
You want the keys?

- Yeah.
- Fireball!

I mean, we had one nice moment, Poppy.
One g*dd*mn--

- Ah, here's my chauffeur.
- I am not your chauffeur.

- Yeah, you definitely can't say that.
- Oh, shut up!

Ah, yeah.

I'm not % sure,
but I think that's pretty dicey.

It's fine. I don't mean it like that.
I'm gonna sit in the front. It's not--

- It doesn't matter where you sit.
- It doesn't matter.

No, no. I mean,
I'm a woman of color, so I can't--

I can't get canceled, can I?
Can I? Can I get canceled?

I don't think I can get canceled.
I think...

I think I'm good. I'm good.

I'm good.

Okay, you know what? It's super dicey,

so... I'm just gonna let
the women of color figure this out.

- I'ma back away.
- Yeah, that's us, right?

The women of color.

You got my,
uh, chicken nuggets in the car?

- Mm-hmm.
- Great.

Okay. [chuckles]
[chuckles]

So that's why you had
to get up so early?

Yeah. Gotta work twice as hard
to get half as far.

- Twice as hard as what?
- Never mind.

Where the f*ck's
my sweet and sour sauce?

[screams] They're in the cup holder!

[sighs]

- I gotta go.
- Oh, okay. Yeah. Bye.

Hey, tester. See you back at the office.

Don't try and keep up.

Okay, here we go.

Huh.

It's a GT .

Been a minute on the stick.

No problem. I put the man in manual.
[sighs]

And I can say that 'cause I'm alone.
All right.

[engine starts]
[rap music starts]

[engine revs, screeches]

[gears grinding]
[tires screeching]

[revving repeatedly]

Oh... my... God.

[door opens, closes]

[sighs]

- Hi.
- I can drive stick.

It's just that she's got, like,
chocolate or something

stuck in the clutch.

Mm-hmm.

Do you wanna...

This model is not... suited for m--

Okay.

I kinda feel like... maybe I-- There's--
I have...

- I don't know. Maybe...
- If--

Maybe you don't know how to...

I-- My legs are probably too strong,
and I'm putting too much...

Yeah, that's probably it.

Do you wanna...

[chuckles] Here you go.

What's that about?

[David] Oh, our creative directors
are going through a divorce of sorts.

- It's kinda messy.
- Oh. That must be hard on you.

It is.
[chuckles]

Thank you for recognizing that.

Strong shoulders.
[chuckles]

Oh. There she is.

I saved a piece of cake for you.
Where's the birthday boy?

I was hoping he would show me around
before I take him to lunch.

Mr. Bakshi doesn't eat lunch.
He says lunch is for losers.

Uh-oh. He's not watching
his calories again, is he?

He's always been insecure
about his weight.

- Really?
- Mmm.

He is not insecure about anything.

He's just too busy to focus on lunch
or anything else besides work.

He doesn't look busy.

It's okay. Maybe this was a bad idea.

No, you planned a special day
for your brother

because you know your brother
like only a brother could,

and this is the thanks he gives you?

I'll say it. He doesn't deserve you.

Well, it's not about the birthday.
I mean, this goes way back.

He's probably still mad about Kate.

Oh, right. Feud over a woman.

No, I read about this kind of thing.
[chuckles]

No way.
He wouldn't fall apart over some cooze.

Would he?

Oh, trouble in paradise?

Your new mentor
not everything you thought he'd be?

He is.
He's actually the best I've ever had.

[Zack chuckles]

That-[chuckles]
That supposed to hurt me?

'Cause it just makes me laugh.

You're not laughing.

I'm laughing.
[both chuckle]

What is happening?

Whatever, Brad's not coming out,
so Zack should leave, now.

No. Not before I give him a tour.

You may have lost a brother in Brad,

but you've gained one in me.

Get a room.

[sighs]

- Mission accomplished. He's gone.
- Nice.

See? My power play worked.

Of course it did. It always does.

- He wanted to take you to lunch.
- [chuckles] Lunch is for losers.

- Yeah, that's what I said. [chuckles]
- Hey.

He's David's problem now. [chuckles]

[chuckles]

Wait, what?

Oh, David's taking him
on a tour of the building.

Where?

I don't know.
I thought it probably made--

You thought you would let him
cozy up to our executive producer

so he could personally campaign
for my job?

I failed you.

- Brad, I can fix this.
- You've done enough.

No.

I can fix it!

Not gonna k*ll my pig.

Not gonna take my job.
Not gonna k*ll my pig.

Not gonna take my job.
Not gonna k*ll my pig.

Not gonna take my job.
Not gonna k*ll my pig. Not gonna--

Hey, what's up? [inhales deeply]

Well, guys, we did it.

We put a lot of late nights and
a lot of long hours into battle royale.

But this...

This is what makes it all worth it.

Dana. [snapping fingers]

[screeching]
[chuckles]

He tr-- He tries here, and he nearly
gets it, and it's like "Whoop."

He can't. [chuckles]
[revving]

So good.

Thank you for recording this, Dana.
Great idea. [chuckles]

No, this was your idea.

My idea was to get back to work.

For the past two weeks,
I have been your driver,

your food delivery service
and your cheerleader.

When are you gonna teach me to code?

How do you know that
I'm not teaching you to code right now?

You just don't understand my methods
'cause I'm like Mr. Miyagi.

- Who?
- Mr. Miyagi. Karate Kid.

Wait, you don't know Karate Kid?
Unacceptable!

Who's got candy?

- Poppy. Pop-star. Pop goes the weasel.
- What do you want, Brad?

- Hey, you like me, right?
- No.

- But I got you battle royale.
- Yeah,

through intimidation
and devious manipulation.

Okay, but you like me
more than a stranger, right?

I'm the devil you know.

Uh, another devil might be
a thousand times worse.

- Trust me, this guy is.
- What are you on about?

It's my brother, Zack.
He's gonna be here any second.

- I need to know you're on team Brad.
- I'm not. Again, I do not like you.

Fine. Okay, I'll--

I'll give you a cut of
whatever I make on the skin dump.

What the f*ck?

Avatar skins, keep up.

They will turn battle royale
into a cash cow.

Montreal will be super happy.
Ian will be super pissed.

I'm in. What do you need me to do?

Great. Zack's gonna be here
any minute.

He's gonna try and charm you.
Don't give him an inch.

Be mean to him.
You can be mean, right?

Obviously.

Okay, why don't you go get me my lunch?

And-- And while you're at it,
you can wax off that stank face.

That's gonna make sense
once you see the movie, Karate Kid.

Great, keep that bitchy energy.

[Zack laughs] Stop it.

All right, last but not least
is the programmers' den.

Oh! Hey! There's the birthday boy.

- Where have you been, Motu?
- Motu?

It's a nickname.
Not mine. Shut up. Whatever.

Why are you still here?

Uh, well, David took me to meet
the art team. Lovely bunch of guys.

Yeah, none of them could believe
that Zack was your brother.

[chuckles]
'Cause he's not a total sourpuss

- like, uh, someone we know. [chuckles]
- Oh.

Oh, and-and David had them whip up
this amazing drawing of me.

- What?
- Yeah. Look at that. Isn't that great?

Yeah, had 'em whip up
one of me too. Huh?

- Look at that. Brothers in arms, huh?
- Eh? Hey, brothers in arms!

- Uh-way-bo-bo.
- Uh-wop-bop-bop. [laughs]

- We came up with a thing. Pretty cool.
- Stop it.

Uh, well, anyway... So, um,
this is our top-notch programming team.

- Mmm.
- And this here is, uh--

- Zack, right?
- Mm-hmm.

I gotta tell you,
you look like a bloody drongo, mate.

- Uh, I'm so sorry?
- A drongo. It's an insult.

In Australia.
It doesn't really play here.

Poppy is our socially inept
co-creative director.

Wait, wait, wait. Poppy Li?
The genius behind battle roya--

I'm sorry. It's--
I'm honored to meet you.

[chuckles] A genius? I wouldn't--
It's kind of a genius idea.

I mean,
it brought in . million players.

It was my idea.

I tricked her into it because she's
too stupid to know what's good for her.

- You are the devil!
- Okay, here's an idea.

Why don't we take a break?

Why don't we go out into the courtyard

where I have a special surprise
for Brad?

- Oh.
- You have a surprise? I love surprises.

[laughs] Right?
[all talking at once]

Here's a special idea. How about
we take your special little surprise

and we roll it into a special little ball

and then we cram it
into your special little butt?

[chuckles]
Why don't we do that?

[clears throat] Yeah. Mm-hmm.

Yep.

[squeals] Yep!

[sighs] Brothers.

[Rachel] Maybe I'm overthinking it,

but do you think Dana
seemed annoyed at me?

I don't know. I talked to her yesterday,
and she said she's fine.

She said she was just tired,
but, like... [sighs]

I just feel like
she's pulling away lately.

I mean, not pulling away,
more like pulling toward something else.

[sighs]

I mean, she--
She has big dreams, which I love.

I really support that.
I just wish that she would--

Am I in hell?

I think I may actually be in hell.

I do not care about your love life,
tester.

Okay, dude, for the last time,
I have a name.

And you wanna burden me with it?

By the way, do you think that
the other one is in the car with Poppy

talking about you? No.

She's talking about work
and how she can get ahead,

which is what you should be doing.

Yeah, you're right. You're right.

So are you sure
you didn't notice a weird vibe?

- I don't f*cking care!
- Okay, dude. What is your problem?

It's not my fault that Poppy's
doing better than you, okay?

Maybe you should try
working a little harder,

instead of sitting around
and longing for the days

when straight white men
ruled the world.

Oh, sure, sure. Yeah, yeah.

Blame your lack of ambition
on the patriarchy.

Do you honestly think that I've
had more opportunities in this business

simply because
I'm a straight white man?

- Yes!
- Yes!

Of course I have. It's undeniable.

Wait, really?

- I kind of thought you'd--
- Shut, shut, shut, shut up.

Shut up. Shut up. I'm talking.

Look. When I started, I was a tester.

I found myself one day in an elevator
with my boss for three floors.

I was alone. I pitched him,
I don't know, ideas.

I think he maybe liked one of them.

But he knew my name. Then eventually,
six months later, I got promoted.

Well, as a woman, I don't have access
to the same kinds of opportunities.

Yeah, no, totally. Women don't have
the same opportunities.

[bracelets rattling]

This is one. This is it.
This is the opportunity.

This is the one
that a woman is in, that you are.

You are the woman. This is
the opportunity. This is the elevator.

Except it's a car,
and I'm trapped in it with you, alone,

and you're in the driver's seat,
the woman.

You can pitch some ideas. Go ahead. Go.

- I'm in an elevator?
- What do you want, Rachel?

What do you want?

[sighs]

Helping women is exhausting.

[groans]

[sighs]

Stupid. So stupid. Such a p*ssy.

Hmm.

You're fat too.
Ah, you gotta lose weight. [groans]

No more mochaccinos, you fat fatty.

[sighs]

There you are.
I've been looking everywhere for you.

- [clicks tongue] What is it?
- Something... bad.

[chattering]
[David] I don't know his work,

- but I'm just...
- Me neither, but it's cool.

- Hey, what's happening in here?
- [David] Uh, that is what's happenin'.

- Zack!
- Oh! [chuckles] Hey, brother!

- Hey, Snoop Doggy Dogg.
- What's poppin', Bert?

It's Brad, but that's fine.

What's, uh, the dealio?

Oh, uh, this was my special surprise.

I asked him to perform a private concert
for you in the courtyard,

'cause I know you're such a big fan.

- Plus, he sort of owed me.
- Mmm.

Can you believe this m*therf*cker
bought me a farm in Humboldt County?

- [laughs] I bought him a farm!
- You bought him a farm.

And since you weren't interested,
we just pivoted.

Great!

Yeah, Zack had a great idea to do
an in-game concert

- and sell Snoop-skins to the players.
- All right, all right. Ah.

You ready, Snoop?

I stay ready.
That's why I ain't gotta get ready.

He's gonna sing. He's gonna sing.
[squeals]

- [Brad] Oh, he's gonna sing.
- Uh-huh.

[music starts]
Check me out one time, y'all.

♪ Mmm, let me tell you somethin' ♪

♪ It's everybody's favorite Crip cousin
Snoop Dogg ♪

♪ Inductin' these woop hoes
Since RuPauls ♪

♪ I'm good on both sides
Like switch hitters ♪

[continues indistinctly]

- I didn't know you were a Snoop fan.
- I'm not. It's also not my birthday.

- Get me a f*cking mochaccino.
- Yep. You bet.

[Jo] Get out of my way!

♪ If it ain't what I'm talkin'
Then why we talkin', homey? ♪

♪ If it ain't what I'm talkin'
Then why we talkin', homey? ♪

[car idling]

This is the longest
you've ever shut up.

I'm thinking, okay? You asked me
an important question, so I'm thinking.

- And I have to watch the road.
- There is no more road!

- All right, that's it. I'm getting out.
- Wait. Wait! Just wait for a second!

I want a seat at the table.

Okay. Great.

- Which table?
- What?

What do you wanna do?
You wanna be a creative director?

A lead programmer? A writer?
Art director? What do you want?

- Yes.
- Yes, what?

Yes, I wanna do
the-- the stuff you just said.

- It's not a yes or no question.
- I know, okay?

You're putting me on the spot.
This is hard for me.

I'm giving you exactly what you're
always asking for, which is to be heard.

But you don't have anything to say
because you don't know what you want.

I do know what I want!

I don't know what I want.

Well, maybe you should try working
a little harder to figure your sh*t out,

instead of spending all your time
sitting around longing for the days

when you could blame
all of your problems

on straight white guys.

- Wait. How am I gonna get my car?
- I don't care!

No!

Hey! [humming] Huh?

Oh, that was awesome, man.

God. Room still has
such an energy to it. [chuckles]

Also a weed smell to this room.
We probably need to air that out.

[Zack murmurs]

David, I need a moment alone
with my brother.

Hey, we're, uh, all brothers here, huh?

- Get the f*ck out.
- Yeah. Yeah, right.

Oh, and hey, brother. Don't forget
to send me the Brené Brown links, right?

- No, I will. She'll change your life.
- [Zack] Ah!

See ya, love you. All right, bye.

[stammers, chuckles]
[door opens]

[door closes]

Hey, brother. Enjoy the concert?

Why are you doing this?
You don't wanna work here.

[chuckles] Oh, you're right about that.

This place is a gold mine.
But it's peaked.

It's time
to strip her down and sell it off

before the inevitable nosedive.

- No. It's not time.
- Of course it is.

The saddest thing is that you know it

but are too scared
to do anything about it.

Because you're soft.

So, I will step in
and do what needs to be done.

Just like I did with Kate.

[smacks lips]

Leave her out of this.

You have all these folks convinced
that you're some badass cutthroat.

But all I see is a scared little boy.

A p*ssy. Just like Papa always said.

Don't do this.

Don't take it away from me.

Beg me.

[scoffs]

Beg me not to take it from you.

Beg me not to k*ll your game.

Please. Bhai-ya.

Please don't k*ll my game.

[chuckles softly]

We'll see.

Happy birthday.

- It's not my birthday.
- I know.

[door closes]

[sighs]

[chattering]
[elevator bell dings]

Uh...

You have two minutes. Ask me.

Who's Kate?

When we were boys in -H, we were
given a piglet to raise for slaughter.

But Brad grew attached.
He named it Kate.

Treated it like a pet.

And when it was time to k*ll
the fat sow, he couldn't do it.

Do you know what you do with a pig
that dies a natural death?

Nothing. The meat's useless.

Exactly. What a waste.

So I did it for him,
because that's what needed to be done.

Brad's balls just never dropped.

But I think yours have.

[elevator bell dings]

I'll be in touch.

[chattering]

[music plays]
♪ Mmm, let me tell you somethin' ♪

♪ It's everybody's favorite Crip cousin
Snoop Dogg ♪

[music stops]

Snoop! Ah, Mr. Dogg. Hi, I'm a huge fan.

Aw, thanks, little girl.

I'm not a little girl.
I'm actually an adult woman.

[Ian] Yo, what's up, Snoop?

Ian, what's good, man?
When you releasing that new expansion?

When you release that new album.
[chuckles]

- Hey, I'll see you at GGL.
- Fo' sho'.

[chuckles]

I have a Porsche.

♪ If it ain't what I'm talkin'
Then why we talkin', homey? ♪

♪ If it ain't what I'm talkin'
Then why we talkin', homey? ♪

♪ If it ain't what I'm talkin'
Then why we talkin', homey? ♪

♪ 'Cause I done changed so many lives
With my vibes ♪

♪ I make sure my Crips
And my 'Rus all survive ♪

♪ Long Beach throwin' up C's
In my stores ♪

♪ Hollywood star
Twin Towers with the boys ♪

♪ I'm switchin' b*tches
Like I switch cars ♪

♪ Li'l homeys on go
With the licks for us ♪

♪ I'm walkin' in the church
Smellin' like a lit forest ♪

♪ It's all good
'Cause a real one kept the sh*t goin' ♪

♪ If it ain't what I'm talkin'
Then why we talkin', homey? ♪

♪ If it ain't what I'm talkin'
Then why we talkin', homey? ♪

♪ If it ain't what I'm talkin'
Then why we talkin', homey? ♪

♪ So turn it up a little in the middle ♪

♪ It's the S to the N, double-O, P
D, O, double-G, that's me ♪

♪ Kickin' it for ya ♪

♪ Never, ever need no lawyer
'Cause I dropped it for ya ♪

♪ And bring it right back on time ♪

♪ And I'ma hit you with a quick li'l rhyme
Dime ♪

♪ What you talkin' 'bout? ♪