02x08 - Juice Box

[bunniefuu]

[dramatic music plays]

[Ian] Imagine a world

built just for you.

A world for your exploration.
For your adventure.

Imagine a world built
for you to conquer.

[grunting]

Ladies and gentlemen,
Jacques and Jean-Luc,

may I present to you
my half of our next expansion, Zeus.

[dramatic music continues]

[music ends]

Wow. [chuckles]

- Thank you.
- [Jacques] Very impressive, Ian.

It's as good as anything you've ever done.

- Thank you so much.
- Okay, Poppy, you're up.

[clears throat]
Imagine a world not built for you,

but built by you.

What would you build?

What world would you want to see?

Jacques, Jean-Luc, I'm going to
stay on the dev testing server

and mount builds for each of you on
the East Coast and APAC staging servers.

Poppy, we're not set up for that.
They're not gonna be able to see you.

[Jacques] Uh, but if we are not
in the same session, uh, I--

Oh. Oh, we see you.

Permanent persistent changes

across all servers and instances

with no visible latency.

Players build it,

and it's in the game...

for everyone.

Montreal, Bucharest, Mumbai, Paris,

Shanghai, Singapore.

Destroy it, and it's in the game...

for everyone.

Build it again. It's in the game.

For everyone.

Holy sh*t.

This...

is Hera.

[chuckles]

Yes.

Now, I have invited several
of our testers to join us.

[typing]
[beeping]

Uh, sorry. Just having an issue
managing the load distribution. I just--

[Jacques] Uh, Poppy, we lost you.
Is-- Is this part of the show?

Uh, no, it isn't, but, uh, it's fine.

I-- I can fix it. I just need to--

- Oh, no.
- Whoops.

- What is that? What's happening?
- It's the blue screen of death.

That's bad.

[clicks tongue] She just crashed
all the staging servers.

- That's worse.
- And the dev servers.

[office chatter]

Whoa.

That's a worldwide outage. Yikes.

[Jacques] Uh, uh, sorry, uh, excuse me.
Uh, hello! Poppy?

Uh, are you still there?
Uh, are w-- are we still connected?

Oh, yeah. Hanging up on them.

Yeah, that should solve
the global catastrophic tech event

that just occurred.

Nice work, Pop.

[phones ringing, buzzing]

Sync & corrections by dwigt
Addic ed.com

[elevator bell dings]

[David] Brad.

Hey. Wonder if you'd help me
with something. Uh, my wife--

- Ex-wife.
- Ex-wife.

Uh, she sold our old house and decided
she wanted to move into my condo.

Oh, big news. She's coming back?

Huh? No, no. I'd be moving out.

Well, uh, we put her name on the deed
for tax reasons or something like that.

She explains it better. She decided
we both should be downsizing--

Dear God, David.

No, no. This is actually a good thing.
[clears throat]

See, I've been feeling like the widow's
looking for more of a commitment,

but this lone wolf isn't sure he's ready
to settle down right now. [chuckles]

But, uh, the-- the booty call commute
is-- is k*lling me.

So I got a new apartment in Cerritos

which is halfway between [i]MQ
and Yorba Linda.

Anyway, I was just wondering if
you'd help me move some boxes out there?

Wait, did you just ask me
to help you move?

- I'll buy pizza and beer.
- Oh, God. This is not good.

I know.
I just refinanced that condo too.

No, I'm not talking about you.

You only ask nice people to help you move.

I can't have people thinking that
about me. They take advantage of you.

I'm a nice guy.
No one takes advantage of me.

Your ex-wife literally just
forced you out of your own home

for the second time.

Yeah, that's different.
If anything, that's like domestic abuse.

Oh, God. No.

Oh.

- Hey.
- Hey. [sighs]

- How have you been?
- Great. [chuckles]

Yeah. Just-- Just, uh-- Just chilling.

[inhales] So you're with David now?

What? Uh, no.

- Brad's gonna help me move.
- No, I'm not.

Aw. That's so sweet of you, Brad.

Gonna buy him little pizzas, beer.
We were gonna kinda...

None of that is gonna happen.
That's not a plan.

I'm not gonna help you move.
I would never do that.

- So you two are moving in together?
- Absolutely not.

Well, uh...
[inhales]

- We could move in together.
- Mm-mmm.

Hold on a second. There's actually--

You would not believe
the bachelor pads in Cerritos.

- You can get 'em for a good--
- [Brad] Stop imagining.

- Dude. [howls] We'd be out together.
- No! Stop howling.

- Pick up babes.
- None of this is gonna happen.

[laughs] I'm sorry.

[continues laughing]
What's...

[cackling]

[laughing continues]

[sighs]

What is so funny?

Nothing.

[grunting]

[typing]

Come on, you little d*ck.

[bleats]

[can rattles]

[gasps, chuckles] Yes! Yes! Yes!

God! I am your God, you goat bitch.

- Hi.
- Oh, hi.

Is that Grouchy Goat?
[chuckles]

I didn't know
you were still working on it.

Yeah, I had to submit a sample
to Berkeley when I applied.

Just trying to make it
less embarrassing.

Yeah, uh...

speaking of embarrassing,
can I tell you something?

What is it?

So you know C.W.'s friend
gave me that book?

Well, I read it, and it's trash.

It's, like, wall-to-wall sex tropes,

male savior complex, voiceless heroine.

C.W.'s friend? That tracks.

Right.

But I cried at the end.
Because I loved the main character.

I mean, I hated him at first,

but then slowly I started to learn more
about him and where he was coming from,

mostly through incredibly
p*rn sex scenes.

By the end, I realized
I'd changed my mind about him.

- That's a good writer.
- Yeah.

I think I wanna be that.

Rache.

- That is so great.
- Yeah?

Yes. You know what you want.

Yeah, I don't know how to do it though.

Well, I don't know how to do this sh*t.

But I'm doing it anyway.

So can you.

- Thanks.
- Mm-hmm.

[goat bleats]

- He's cute.
- He's so janky.

He is janky.
[bleats]

[hawk cries]

You guys made me look like an assh*le
yesterday.

Hera is a complete disaster,
and it is all your fault.

Why isn't it working?

- Because it's--
- Don't say impossible.

The next words out of your mouth
better be helpful.

[sighs]

Aim lower.

Go on.

You can have persistent change
that's not concurrent

or concurrent change
that's not permanent.

- But you've gotta let something go.
- Poppy.

Not now, David.
I'm in the middle of something.

Ian's in the hospital.

[clamors]

- What? The hospital?
- He had a heart att*ck.

What?

[people chattering]

[breathes heavily]

[monitor beeping]
[sighs]

- Oh, hey, Pop.
- Jesus, look at you.

Oh, it's not as bad as it looks.

You had a f*cking heart att*ck.

I'm sorry.
I-- I don't wanna yell at you like this.

I, um...

I-- I-- I got you this.

- "It's a girl"?
- Yeah.

Sorry, it was-- It was all they had
down at the gift shop.

Thanks.

[sighs]

I'm sorry I was mean to you earlier.

- Don't go, okay?
- I won't.

Yeah, okay.

Thanks. Take care.

Well, Poppy says they're monitoring Ian,
but... [sighs] ...he's okay for now.

Oh! [chuckles] Thank the heavens!

But he's as strong as ten men.

Of course he'll pull through.

But if not,

I am fully prepared
with his updated obituary.

You wrote his obituary already?

Years ago upon Ian's request.

It's quite common to have obituaries
prepared for, hmm, well, men of stature.

You know, titans of industry
and heroic figures.

[scoffs] Is Ian a heroic figure?

Yes.

Okay.

Well, uh, can I read it?

Ah. Here.

If I may.

Sure.
[clears throat]

[sniffs, clears throat]

"Ian T. Grimm. World builder, legend

and visionary of the world's
most popular MMORPG, Mythic Quest,

shed his mortal form today.

A born leader and raconteur,

Grimm shunned conventional schooling
early on in his life

to pursue his passion for storytelling,

rocketing to fame
in the video game industry.

Grimm's vast interests
included astronomy,

physics, medieval weaponry
and bodybuilding.

He was also an expert motorcyclist,

often being told,
'You could've gone professional.'

Grimm also had a keen eye for fashion,
designing all his own clothes.

His thunderous presence will be missed."

Okay, well, that was definitely--

"Mr. Grimm leaves behind his peers,

the gaming community,
and the world at large."

Wow. Good job.

"Another seat at the table in Valhalla
has been taken.

A true titan, Ian T. Grimm,
age unknown."

His age is known. He's .

Ian felt pretty strongly about that line.

Of course he did.
He's paranoid about getting old.

You know he takes hair pills? [chuckles]

Anyway. Uh, no, it sounds pretty good.

Huh. You know, I never really thought
about writing my obituary.

Again, it's reserved for men of stature.

Oh, nonetheless,
it is a worthy exercise.

Yeah.

Wonder what mine would say.

- If I may?
- Please.

Ah. [sniffs, clears throat]

[mumbles, clears throat]

David Brittlesbee,
executive producer of [i]Mythic Quest--

Uh, respected executive producer.

Respected. Yes, yes, good, good.

It can also be aspirational.

Uh, Mr. Brittlesbee was known
to friends as a--

- What are you known as?
- A nice guy.

A nice guy.

Whose vast interests
span such topics as...

- Uh, oil-free cooking.
- Ah.

And, um, oh, deep cleaning.

[chuckles] "Deep cleaning."

- Really?
- Oh, yeah.

No. Cleaning is therapy for me.
I love to clean my condo. [chuckles]

Although, actually, I can't anymore
'cause my ex-wife lives in it now.

Hmm.

And cleaning his ex-wife's condo.

Oh, n-- no. It-- It's my condo.
She just lives in it.

And you pay for it?

Uh, yeah.

Oh, Christ, man.
You gotta help me out here.

[grunts]

[grunts]

How did this even happen? Stress?

Maybe.

I mean, can you imagine being
so passionate about something,

wanting it to be so good
that your heart literally explodes?

- It's kind of heroic actually.
- There's my guy.

[sighs] You know, Pop,
I am feeling kinda weak.

You should rest.

- Hey, can I ask you something stupid?
- Yeah, sure.

Uh, do-- do you think
you could stay here and just, like,

rub my head and talk to me
until I fall asleep?

[chuckles]

- Oh, are you serious?
- Yeah. [stammers] It's stupid.

You don't have to do that. I'm sorry.

No, no, no. It's-- It's not. It's, um...

Sorry, I'm just a little thrown. I've--

I've never seen you like this before.
You look...

- Courageous.
- No.

- Virile, despite the circumstances.
- No, you look-- [sighs]

You look like a little boy.

[sighs]

Lay back.

- For real?
- Yeah.

- Mr. Grimm.
- Oh, hey, Doc.

Listen, i-if we're gonna have to
do a transplant,

can you make mine a tiger's heart
instead of a pig?

- Uh...
- He's joking.

- [doctor] Ah.
- I am. I am joking.

I know I can't get a tiger's heart.

But I do feel like
I should be able to pick out the pig.

I want to make sure he's an alpha.

You are not gonna need
a new heart from any species.

Your heart is fine.
Um, but you are severely dehydrated.

And it looks like
you haven't eaten in a day or two.

- Which caused the heart att*ck?
- No.

It caused your blood pressure to drop,
which is why you fainted.

- He fainted?
- No. He did-- He didn't. I didn't--

I didn't faint.
'Cause, uh, I don't do fainting, Doc.

Okay. Well, either way, we're gonna
keep you here overnight for observation,

um, but in the meantime,
I can prescribe you this.

And please, Mr. Grimm,
just eat a little more during the day.

Oh! And, uh, I almost forgot.

I was able to fulfill
your prescription for hair pills.

Drink your juice.

Oh, my God!

[smacks lips]

- Okay.
- No!

[bleating]

Dana?
[gasps]

David, I'm-- I'm awake. I'm working.

[chuckles] It's me.

Oh, sh*t.
Your voice sounded so much like David.

Why does everyone always say that?
[clears throat]

Sorry. Where you been?

So, uh... [chuckles]

Well, let me start off by saying
that I'm not a stalker.

[chuckles] Okay. That's a great start.

- Unless you say "but."
- But...

I found this really amazing
writing program,

and it's exactly what I need. I think.

- That's great.
- And it's in Berkeley.

I know it sounds creepy, like
I engineered it, but I totally didn't.

It really is exactly what I need.

And I can afford it.

It also happens to be
in the same city that you're going to.

And-- And at first I thought, like,

"Oh, my God,
this is such a great happy accident."

But then I started to think that maybe
you would think that I would just--

Is this gonna become a habit?

Where you won't shut the f*ck up
unless I kiss you?

[chuckles]
Well, I have a lot to say, so...

[birds twittering]

- May I help you?
- Don't mind me, Brad.

I'm just prepping
for a move I'm gonna make.

A move into your office.

Is that right? What makes you think
you'll be taking it over?

I might as well tell you
since it's already been completed.

After all, I owe it all to Mr. Bakshi.

- You're welcome.
- Not you. Your brother.

- My brother?
- Zack and I have been working together.

You see,
Zack realizes that I'm a true shark.

I told him about us going mobile,

and he advised me to buy
a bunch of shares in the company

before it's announced
and raises the company's profitability.

So I scraped up a bunch of money from
my "family back home" and did just that,

making me not only powerful
but soon to be very wealthy.

Wow. You really are a shark.

- You're also a felon. [claps]
- Huh?

You used non-public information to
buy shares of a publicly-traded company.

That's insider trading.

What? No, that's...

Zack told me to!

Yeah, yeah, he used you.

He doesn't care about you making money.

You know what he does care about?

An employee getting arrested for
insider trading

which will t*nk the stock,
so he can swoop in

and buy the shares at a bargain.

But, I mean, you already knew that,
right? 'Cause you're a shark, right?

f*ck.

f*ck! f*ck! f*ck! f*ck! f*ck!

- Hey, Jo.
- f*ck you!

[blades clink]

[shouting]
[Ian] What are you doing? Whoa, whoa.

What are you doing?

You're lucky you're already
in the hospital!

You're unhinged! Jesus Christ,
these are monitoring my vitals.

Oh, I'm sorry. Well,
if you have another medical emergency,

maybe you can just take a pull
from your juice box!

Jesus Christ!

I can't believe that
I rushed all the way down here for this!

Oh, my God.
Th-- This is about your body. Isn't it?

Yeah,
I b-- I bet you haven't eaten anything

because you need to stay three days
out of taking your bloody shirt off.

No. No, that's not what this is about.

Yes, it is.
You've dehydrated yourself on purpose

so that you can have more vasculars
or some other weird sh*t.

Poppy, that's insane.

I'm already vascular enough.
I don't need to limit my caloric intake.

Oh, my God! Bye.

Wait, wait, wait!

What did you think of my expansion?

What?

Zeus. What did you think?

Who cares what I think of it?

You love it. Montreal loves it.
All the staff love it.

Do you love it?

I think it's derivative,
unimaginative and lazy.

It's sh*t.

It is sh*t.

[sighs] You're the only other person
that knows that.

I've been faking my way through it
like a con man.

I mean, we all know you're a con man,

but you used to also be
a creative director.

What about you?

You're the one that put
battle royale into the game

and made MQ some sort of
kiddie experience just to get a win.

A win over who?

Me.

But at least I can admit
when I'm actually scared.

You couldn't even be honest with me
when it mattered most.

What? About your expansion?

I was kind of busy with my own thing.

No, not about the expansion.
The other night with Carol.

I told you my biggest fear.

A fear that got me
put in the f*cking hospital.

And all you told me was some bullshit.

It's not bullshit.
I am afraid to sing in front of people.

[sighs]

You see a little boy over here.
I see a scared little girl over there.

One that can't even admit to herself
or her best friend that-- [sniffs]

You know what? f*ck it.
I'm exhausted. You just go.

Are you-- Are you crying?

You know, maybe my estrogen levels
are spiked, and I... [sighs]

Yeah.

Just... Just go, man.

Just-- Just go. Just leave me alone.

I just wanna be alone, okay?

[sighs]

[breathes shakily]

[sobs, sniffs]

[whispers] Shh. It's-- It's okay.

- [crying] I'm sorry.
- It's okay.

I'm sorry.

It's okay.

It's okay.

[sings in Tagalog]

[sniffs]

Not that song though. Okay?

Something different. Like in-- in English.

It's a song my dad used to sing to me.
It's-- It's a lullaby. So...

If I don't understand it, it doesn't
have the impact that I want it to.

All right, well, it's, um...

♪ Why are there so many ♪

Yeah, that's good. That's good.
Do that one. [sniffs]

♪ Songs about rainbows ♪

♪ And what's on the other side? ♪

[song plays]
[man singing]

[Poppy, man] ♪ Rainbows are visions
But only illusions ♪

♪ And rainbows have nothing to hide ♪

[Poppy, man] ♪ So we've been told ♪

♪ And some choose to believe it ♪

♪ I know they're wrong, wait and see ♪

♪ Someday we'll find it
The rainbow connection ♪

♪ The lovers, the dreamers and me ♪

♪ Who said that every wish ♪

♪ Would be heard and answered ♪

♪ When wished on the morning star? ♪

♪ Somebody thought of that ♪

♪ And someone believed it ♪

♪ Look what it's done so far ♪

♪ What's so amazing ♪

♪ That keeps us stargazing ♪

♪ And what do you think we might see? ♪