01x04 - Alone, I cannot be

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Dickinson". Aired: November 2019 to present.
Emily Dickinson writes using her outsider perspective to explore the constraints of society, gender and family in the 19th century.
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01x04 - Alone, I cannot be

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[INDISTINCTLY READING TO SELF]

[SIGHS]

In the name of the Bee -

And of the Butterfly -

And of the Breeze -

Amen!

[SIGHS]

Found you.

Please go away.

But I just got here.

I'm trying to be alone.

Want a drag?

Fine.

What you reading?

Walden.

By Thoreau. Have you read it?

I couldn't get through it.

I think it's incredible.

A life of absolute
solitude, alone in nature.

[SIGHS] I wanna live like that.

Why?

Because. The wilderness is...

honest.

Trustworthy.

Whereas all other people do is hurt you.

Tell me who hurt you.

Sue.

Oh.

You're still upset about
her moving to Boston?

I don't wanna talk about it.

She wrote Austin a letter and
still hasn't written me back.

Hey, you guys will make up.

George, if you don't mind, I
just need some space right now.

I need to be with my tree.

[EMILY SIGHS]

Looks like I'm not the only
one disturbing your solitude.

...we've got the conditional
line coming right through here.

[EMILY] What are they doing here?

They must be surveyors.

For the railroad.

Construction starts tomorrow, you know.

Of course I know that, but they
can't build the railroad in our woods.

This is private property.

Maybe your dad gave them permission.

Dad. You can't do this.

Excuse me? Do what?

You can't let them tear down our woods.

Is this any way to enter my office?
Whatever happened to a knock?

I'm sorry, but this is an emergency.

They are out there right
now, getting started.

Of course they are.

Tomorrow is the first
day of construction

on the great Amherst
Belchertown Railroad.

You must be excited. I know
my daughters are thrilled.

Now they can buy dresses from the
finest dressmakers in New York.

They've got a regular
case of railroad fever.

- I've certainly got railroad fever.
- The whole town's got railroad fever.

Then the whole town should see a doctor

if they think anyone's gonna
run a train through our woods.

My dear, the train will
run through our woods.

- It's simply the most efficient route.
- "Efficient"?

What is efficient about filling
our peaceful, quiet woods

with noise and smoke and other people?

Emily, I'm afraid you can't
stand in the way of progress.

The papers have already been signed.

Do the papers say they're
allowed to cut down my tree?

"Your tree."

The big oak tree. The one
Great-Grandfather planted.

If it's necessary, then yes.

Dad, please. I'm begging you.

I love that tree.

I need that tree.

It's where I go to think, to listen.

If you let them k*ll that
tree, you're k*lling me.

Do your daughters
speak to you like this?

Most of the time, yes.

Well, I didn't bring her up
to behave like a mad heathen.

Emily, I'm ashamed of you.

"Ashamed of me"?

Why? Because I care more about our

oak tree than dresses from New York?

[AUSTIN] Well, I've also ordered a suit.

Traitor.

Ithamar, I apologize.

No need.

It seems my daughter has
chosen to embarrass me,

but perhaps my son will
make a better impression.

Austin, I have an idea.

As you know,

the groundbreaking ceremony
for the new railroad

will be held tomorrow afternoon.

It will be quite a to-do.
The whole town will be there.

And I think it would be proper

for a member of our family
to make a contribution.

What exactly were you thinking?

I was thinking you might write a poem.

Uh, are you sure you want me to do it?

Of course, my dear boy.

Who else?

William Austin Dickinson,
you are my only son.

And you happen to be a man of
rare intelligence and talent.

I'm sure you will rise to the occasion.

I guess I could give it a sh*t.

There's my boy.

This will be a good
thing for the Dickinsons.

[ITHAMAR] Hear! Hear!

And as soon as that
train is up and running...

I'm sure you won't even
remember that old tree.

[SIGHS]

Oh.

Really, her manners are appalling.

Hey, what happened?
You talk to your father?

I don't have a father. Or a
brother. I don't have anyone.

You have me.

I don't want anyone, George.
I just wanna be by myself.

That's too bad.

I was hoping we could hang out.

I can't. I'm going somewhere.

Where you going?

To Walden.

All the way to Concord? Why?

To find Thoreau.

I think he can help me.

Help you how? Isn't he
just a cranky old hermit?

He is an environmentalist, George.

He loves nature more
than anyone in the world.

Or at least Massachusetts.

If I tell him what they're
about to do to my tree,

I bet he'll do something.

Maybe I can get him to
write a letter of protest.

And people will listen to him
even if they don't listen to me.

Okay, then. I'll go with you.

No. I wanna go by myself.

Come on. You're not allowed to
travel by yourself. It isn't safe.

A lady needs a companion. And...

I feel like taking a day trip.

So much for living a life of solitude.

["CITY OF ANGELS" PLAYING]

[WOMEN CHATTERING]

Hi.

That dress is so glam.

Hi.

[SONG CONTINUES]

Oh, George, come on.

Finally. What took you so long?

I got us so many snacks.

I'm not even hungry.

We have a long journey ahead of us.

We need sustenance.

- Okay, what did you get?
- Peanuts.

Popcorn. Gingerbread.

- Doughnuts.
- Okay.

- Got a stomachache already.
- Ooh!

Also got some taffy.

We already missed a carriage that
was going straight to Northampton.

- Now we have to wait for another one.
- [SIGHS]

It'll be so much more convenient when

the train comes directly to Amherst.

"Convenient." "Efficient."

You know, we don't have
to speed everything up.

Sometimes it's good to slow down.

- Why do you hate technology?
- [SIGHS]

Thoreau says, "We don't ride the
railroad, the railroad rides us."

I have a feeling I'm
not gonna like this guy.

Then why are you coming to Walden?

Because. I like being with you.

Is that...

Lavinia!

I thought you were the weird one.

[WHISTLE BLOWS]

Another letter to Sue?

She can't ignore me forever.

You are really invested
in that friendship.

It is possible she did write
to me, and the letter was lost.

Or maybe Austin stole it.

I wouldn't put it past him.

Or who knows, maybe my
last letter upset her.

Why? What did you say?

Only that she had me chained
up in an insane asylum of love.

If you wrote that to me,
I'd be pretty psyched.

[CHUCKLES] Thanks.

Do you think that Sue and
Austin will still get married?

Not gonna be able to keep writing, am I?

I'd just like to have a conversation.

We're sitting on a train
together, side by side.

It just seems like an opportunity
for, you know, interaction.

- Hm.
- We could share some laughs,

profess our undying love for each other,

discuss how many
children we're gonna have.

- Three boys, two girls?
- [LAUGHS]

Fantasize about growing old together on

the porch that I'm gonna build for us.

You know, just to get to
know each other better.

I hope they don't.

What?

Austin and Sue. I hope
they don't get married.

Because, for Sue...

[SIGHS] I think it
would be like a prison.

Why are you so anti-marriage?

Some people love
being married, you know.

Right. Some people called men.

No, not just men.

If I were a man, I would
definitely want a wife.

Someone to cook for me, clean
for me, raise my children.

All while I got to do exactly
what my heart desired. Hm.

You're so cynical.

Marriage can be comforting.

Cozy.

I just think, wanting
to be alone forever?

That's weird.

- People need each other to survive.
- [CONDUCTOR] Concord, last stop.

Not according to Thoreau.

Mr. and Mrs. George Gould?

- Yes?
- No. We're not married.

Well, this is Concord. End of the line.

[WOMAN] Look at all this
foliage. It's gorgeous.

I'm so glad to be out of the city.

Yeah. Let's go peep some leaves.

Not exactly off the grid around here.

Poetry. Poetry.

The poetry... Okay.

Poetry.

[SIGHS] How do I summon the muse?

Come to me, muse.

What in heaven's name is that?

It's my headdress.

Why would you ever wear such a thing?

I wanna get abducted by Indians.

I beg your pardon?

Okay, so, the thing is,

I was in town today and I saw
Joseph Lyman walking arm in arm

with Eliza Coleman, and
he straight-up ignored me.

And Eliza doesn't even have ringlets.

And what I'm thinking is

maybe I could just get
kidnapped by Indians,

and then the chief would
have a really handsome son,

and I could marry him and
then be an Indian princess.

And then who would be
laughing then, Joseph, huh?

Aw, what makes you think
the Indians would want you?

Oh, Mother.

Oh.

[EMILY] Wow. This place is so...

- [CHATTERING]
- [JAUNTY MUSIC PLAYING]

crowded.

It does seem... populated.

This is not how he
described it in the book.

Yeah.

It's way more fun than I expected.

I didn't come here to have fun.

I came here to have a
conversation with Thoreau.

And I'm starting to think
that he doesn't even live here.

Are you looking for Henry?

Excuse me?

David Henry, actually. He switched it.

Well, of course he lives here.
His cabin's right over there.

As a matter of fact, I'm his mother.

- His mother?
- Yes, indeed.

We are very proud of
our Henry around here.

You must be fans of his.

And I imagine you wanna
get that book signed.

No, no. I don't want to intrude
on him just for that. I...

Oh, no. Henry is always
game to sign a book.

Now, come with me and I'll
take you over there to meet him.

Really? Right now?

Of course.

I have to pick up his laundry anyway.

His... laundry?

Oh, this feels wrong.

We're disturbing his sacred
solitude. We shouldn't have come.

Emily, relax.

We're here to save the tree. Remember?

Yes, right, the tree.

Oh, he'll understand, I know he will.

[MAN CHANTING] Om.

I go to the water.

I go to the well.

The pure, sacred water of the Ganges is

intermingled with the water of Walden.

Om.

- Don't. You really don't have to.
- Oh, it's fine. He's just doing his yoga.

Who knocks? Oh, Mother, it's you.

- Henry, it's laundry day.
- Is it?

Oh. I lose track of time out here

in my extreme solitude.

Well, I've come to get your dirty clothes.

And these two would like to meet you.

Ah, more cheap society.

I hope we're not disturbing you...

Hang on a minute.


There you go.

Is this everything?

A man only needs one
set of clothes, you know.

Despite the endless dictates of fashion.

- And what about your checkered trousers?
- They're in the bag.

All right, then. I'll
bring them back tomorrow.

Oh, well, then wait. Take my shirt.

You're going to entertain
your guests half-naked?

These are not my guests because
I didn't even invite them.

Oh, don't be rude, Henry.

I'm so sorry, Mr. Thoreau.
You must want us to leave.

Well, actually...

I was hoping I could interview you.

Interview me?

For what paper?

Um... I'm the editor of the
Amherst College Literary Journal.

[EMILY CLEARS THROAT]

Many of the students at our
school are great admirers of yours.

Would it be possible to
ask you a few questions?

Don't, George, he wants us to leave...

Yeah. I can make time for that.

Why don't you both come in?

Oh.

I hope you're not hungry...

because all I have is beans.

[GEORGE] So, my main question is...

Don't you ever get lonely?

Ha. Never.

Really?

I find it wholesome to be alone
the greater part of the time.

To be in company, even with the best,

is soon wearisome and dissipating.

I love to be alone.

I never found a companion that
was as companionable as solitude.

I feel the same exact way. That's
why your book has inspired me so...

I'd rather sit on a pumpkin
and have it all to myself

than be crowded on a velvet cushion.

Write that down.

I know just what you mean.

You see, I have a place
I like to go to be alone.

Just like you. The
woods behind our house.

But now they're going to
build the railroad through it.

They're going to cut
down my favorite tree.

Is this part of the interview?

I came here to ask for your help.

Oh, I hope you don't think I'm
gonna donate to some charity.

Oh, no.

No. I was thinking you might...

write a letter.

- A letter?
- Mm.

About what?

You see, people will listen to
you. Your voice is important.

And I think if you could
write about our woods

as well as you wrote about Walden,
I just think people would hear it.

And then my tree could be saved.

What do I care about your tree?

What do you mean?

I thought you...

you said you loved the woods.

I love my woods. I'm not
much interested in yours.

Whoa. Harsh.

[KNOCK AT DOOR]

Sister, what are you doing here?

Hello, Henry, I've
brought you some cookies.

Ah, you must be bone-tired
after trekking all the way here.

It's really not that far.
We live just a mile away.

Our dad owns a pencil factory.

Yes, you are brave...

to make such a long
journey into the wilderness.

Well, anyway, there you go.

Peanut butter, your favorite. [CHUCKLES]

I see you have company.

I'm his sister. I live just down the...

Your home is far away. And
you must return there now.

Good luck on your arduous
slog back to civilization.

Where were we?

We were talking about solitude.

Ah, yes.

You see, solitude suits me.

I am no more lonely than
the loon that laughs so loud.

Or than Walden Pond itself.

What company has that
lonely lake, I pray?

- [CHATTERING OUTSIDE]
- It seems the lake has plenty of company.

- [GEORGE CHUCKLES]
- Excuse me?

The pond is full of people.

They're everywhere.

You didn't say that in your book.

The people may be there,
but I have no use for them.

Right. Except for when
your mom does your laundry.

- Don't put that in the article.
- Why not?

It's the truth, isn't it? Great
writers should tell the truth.

Are you lecturing me on writing
now? What do you know about it?

She happens to be a poet.

Really? Anything I would've read?

No. None of it has been published.

Oh, I see.

I don't think you do.

You publish your books, which
are full of misinformation,

and yet people read them.

They admire you, they interview you.

Whereas everything I write
I have to keep to myself.

Try writing something and
not showing it to anyone,

then you'll know what
real loneliness feels like.

- I think this interview is over.
- I wish we hadn't come.

- I wish you hadn't either.
- You're a d*ck.

Never meet your heroes.

[BAND PLAYING UPBEAT MUSIC]

[WOMAN] So, I heard whisperings
the poem is about me.

- [MUSIC ENDS]
- [APPLAUSE]

Ladies and gentlemen, I would
now like to introduce my son...

William Austin Dickinson,

who has composed a piece of verse
in tribute to this grand event.

[SQUEALS] Yeah.

Uh... [CHUCKLES]

Yeah. So...

I wrote a poem.

"The wheels of destiny
Have run their course

Amherst is getting the iron horse

Yes, Amherst gets a train at last

We used to go slow,
but now we'll go fast

Through woods and hills
The train will romp

We'll build it a bridge
To get over the swamp

- [JANE SCOFFS]
- The train will carry all the people

- Red-skinned savages and Negroes
- [MURMURING]

So, I can't wait to ride the train
And after that I'll ride it again

Again"

[MAN CLEARS THROAT]

- Good rhyme at the end there.
- [APPLAUSE]

[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]

I held my legs together when
he was trying to be born.

Mom, what are you talking about?

Because I was scared and
your father wasn't home.

So I held my legs together a bit
too long to keep him in there.

I think now that may
have been a mistake.

Writing poetry is hard.

Maybe I should have asked
you to cut the ribbon instead.

Or maybe you should
have just asked Emily.

I thought I'd find you here.

I never mean to hurt you, Emily.

People hurt each other all
the time just by proximity.

I'd say it's the greatest
danger of civilization.

It will cost a little extra.

And the ride won't be as fast.

But...

[SIGHS]

I will have them lay the tracks
around the old fellow here.

Hey, Dad,

you know what I love about trees?

Huh, what?

The root system.

Under the earth.

It's just as big as the tree.

It's like... a mirror image but hidden.

So, right now, you and I, we're
actually between two trees.

One tree we can see...

and the other upside down.

Invisible.

Like a secret.

[EDWARD CHUCKLES]

["GIVE IT AWAY" PLAYING]

Ah, Mr. String Bean, how was your day?

[CHANGES VOICE] Hey, Henry, you're
the only authentic living human

that lives life to the marrow.

Well, thank you. But
I already know that.

That woman was wrong about you.

Well, thank you very much, Mr. Cup.

She said that you were a phony.

But she's the phony.

I know that. But you know women...

Oh, my friend!
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