01x17 - Never Been Pierced

[bunniefuu]

♪ ♪

"Take thy beak from out my heart,

"and take thy form from off my door.

Quoth the raven..."

"'Nevermore.'"

And we bow humbly.

(applause)

That was beautiful, ladies.

Edgar Allen Poe always gives me chills.

I need a moment. (Deep inhale)

Moment taken!

(bell rings)

Bye, Mrs. Harris. -Bye, girls.

She's so cool.

It's like she's not even a teacher!

I heard that.

Thank you. (Chuckle)

Hi, Sophia.

Hi, Sydney.

Hi, Olive.

Notice anything different about me?

You got your ears pierced!
-Both of them!

Not every girl bails
after just one ear, Olive.

I didn't bail.

I fainted.

Trust me, it's no big deal.

I held my mom's hand,
let out one little whimper,

(whimper) and I was done!

You know what? It's
time I got my ears pierced.

I mean, if Sophia can do it...

Hey! -Sorry.

Olive, you in?

I'm in!

I'm gonna sit in that chair,

and face down that needle, and...

Oh, no. It's happening again.

(theme music playing)

♪ Like father, like daughter,
we don't always agree ♪

♪ But looking at you
is like looking at me ♪

♪ The more things change,
the more they stay the same ♪

♪ Like father, like daughter,
from different times ♪

♪ Taking all the best from
your decade and mine ♪

♪ The more things change ♪

♪ The more they stay the same ♪

♪ The more they stay the same ♪

(rock music playing)

(turns off music) -Whoa!

(laughing) Oh hello, Sydney.

Would you believe that's
how I grade papers? (Laugh)

I get it. Sometimes I Dougie
when I'm doing my homework.

(laughs)

I just forgot my sweater.

I was practicing for the
Portland Air Guitar competition.

The guitar is fake,

but the pressure is real.

Well in that case, mind if
I give you a few pointers?

Bring it on!

First of all, we'll start with the face.
-Okay.

Give me your guitar player's overbite.

Look more pained.

Like you just stubbed
your toe and it really hurts,

but for some weird
reason, you kind of like it.

Yeah! Yeah, I'm feeling it!

So am I!

(rock music playing)

Now, play it over your head!

Play it with your teeth!

But I have gum issues!

It's air guitar!

(music ends)

Woo! -Oh!

That was awesome!

(grunting) Help me up, help me up!

Sure.

Oh my gosh.

You know, I would really
like to win this competition.

You think you could coach me?

I'd love that!

Wow.

The student has become the teacher.

And FYI,

we don't eat free in the cafeteria.

I learned that the hard way.

And that, my chicks,

is The Great Gatsby.

Think of that last line.

"So, we b*at on,

boats against the current."

So, do you think the
boats represent something?

Maxwell?

Yes.

Okay, could you expand on that?

Uh, I think the boats...

are...

us?

(laughs)

You're right!

I woulda lost that bet.

Wonderful, Max. (Laughs)

Learning is happening!

I must take a moment.

(bell rings)

Moment ruined!

So, your assignment
for Great Gatsby is either

a creative presentation,

or an essay. Your choice.

I know what I'm gonna
do. The Charleston!

It's a dance from the ' s.

What are you doing?

I'm gonna write a paper.

English is my thinglish.

You might wanna go with the puppet show.

♪ ♪

Hey, Dad. -Hey, morning, Syd.

Here you go. Pancakes and sausage.

Sorry, Dad. I don't have time.

In that case...

pigs in a blanket!

Thanks.

Oh, and before I forget,

I need you to sign something.

Oh, an autograph from
the coolest dad in the world?

Who should I make it out to?

Lacey's Earrings And More.

I wanna get my ears pierced.

Plus, they're huge fans.

Ah, you're getting your ears pierced?

You know I would love
to go with you, but...

I know. It's okay, Dad.

Thanks. Just can't
stand to see you in pain.

I'd throw my body
in front of the needle,

and then who knows
what might get pierced?

(typing)

So, what do you think?

Do I embody the class and
style of the Jazz Age or what?

You look like a magician.

How dare you!

I'll have you know, this was
my cousin Rusty's best tuxedo.

And now, for the Charleston.

(jazz music playing)

(grunt)

Okay, maybe he was a magician.

You wanna know who's a magician?

Me.

I've turned a blank
sheet of paper into an A.

Ta-da!

What is all the racket?

You're supposed to be
doing your homework.

Hey, Leo.

Doing a magic act at school?

No. I'm Jay Gatsby,

the classiest man of his era.

You're reading The Great Gatsby?

That was my favorite book in school.

I wrote a paper so
good, Mr. Williger wept.

He did have that leaky
eye thing, but he loved it.

I wrote a paper on it, too.

It's called, "Great Gatsby",

Superhero or Supervillain?"

Max, there are no superheroes
in The Great Gatsby.

Unless you're being ironic.

What's ironic mean?

That's what I was afraid of.

Mom, just read my paper.

Maybe you'll learn something.

Come on, Leo. Let's go play some b-ball.

I better go change, first.

Think I feel something
alive in the lining.

And Mom, just put the paper
in the folder in my backpack

when you're done having your mind blown!

"Gatsby thought he was a superhero.

"He had a secret identity
known only to his butler,

"and even had a super car,
the Gat-mobile." Oh, boy.

I should just rewrite
this whole thing. No.

Not that kind of a mother. (Chuckles)

Oh yes, I am.

Yo, bestie! Ready to
get our ears pierced?

Yeah, about that...

You're chickening out?

Not again. Two classes
ago, you were all,

"Bring on that needle, fool!"

Then I saw a maintenance
guy hitting a nail into a wall,

and started to get wobbly.

Well if you're out, then
I guess I'm out, too.

Sorry, Syd.

Don't worry. We'll
get it done eventually.

Let's make a plan right now

to meet at the mall
on our th birthday.

Can't. I have bingo that day.

Hey, Sydney!

I wanted to thank
you for all of your help.

I did my homework last night,

I think I'm getting it.

(imitates guitar)

After school, I'm gonna go to the mall

to look for a costume
for the competition.

Do you wanna join me?

I would love my coach's advice.

Sure. How rock and roll do you wanna go?

Well, I wanna shock the crowd,

but still keep my job.

♪ ♪

What's all this?

It's for Krystal Wind
from our drum circle.

Is Krystal Wind a person
or an air freshener?

Both, really.

I got stuck making her birthday cake.

It's gluten-free,
dairy-free, sugar-free...

It's basically cake-free.

Well, this will brighten your day.

Sydney had me sign her permission slip

to get her ears pierced.

Yay! I've been waiting
years for this moment.

You know, I would take her...

Oh, please. You get light-headed
when you use a stapler.

Besides, she's not expecting
you to. This is our thing.

My mom took me, her mom took her,

and I get to take Sydney!

Well, she's lucky to have you, Mom.

I'm lucky to have her.

As soon as she gets
home, I'm gonna take her.

What are you going?

I'm baking the cake.

I'm just gonna dump
all this junk in the bowl.

No, you... you can't do that.

You have to sift
the salt into the flour.

Baking is a science.

Really? It's so complicated.

Just let me do this.

Well, if you insist.

Wait, you tricked me
into doing this, didn't you?

No, of course not!

But if you need any help,
just wait it out. It'll pass.

♪ ♪

Since you're still not
sure on your air guitar look,

why don't we start with accessories?

Nothing flashy.

Just something that says,

"I'm a rock god, bow down to me."

Hi! I'm Abby, and welcome

to Lacey's Earrings And More,

where you can take the
girl out of the accessories,

but you can't take the
accessories out of the girl.

(chuckles)

That makes no sense at all.

I know!

But, it's our official Lacey
Girl greeting. (Giggle)

And there are cameras.

Hey Abby, what have
you got in rocker
jewelry? -Yeah.

Were you thinking punk, grunge, metal,

folk, glam, new wave, emo,

indie, pop...

Okay, can you speed it
up? I parked at a meter.

What does this look like?

(both imitating guitar)

Metal.

These zipper earrings
might do the trick!
-(Mrs. Harris gasps)

I love those!

Okay, I'll take two pair.

One for me, and one for my coach.

That's so nice of you, but...

actually, I can't wear them.

My ears aren't pierced.

Oh! I can take care of that.

I am fully trained in piercing.

I have been dying to
get my ears pierced.

I even got my permission slip.

(gasp) It's a sigh, Sydney.

The universe is trying
to tell you something.

Seriously? You think so?

Yeah!

Okay! Let's do it. -Yes!

I'm so excited. Take a seat.

Oh boy!

I'm here.

In the piercing chair.

Where things get pierced!

Is this a vibrating chair or is it me?

Here, honey. Take my hand.
-(Sydney sighs)

Imagine

you're floating on sun-dappled waters.

There's a balmy breeze...

It's not working.

Imagine you're wearing
fabulous earrings.

Now it's working.

Don't worry. You're in good hands.

I've done this twice before. -What?

(click)

That wasn't painful at all!

Speak for yourself.

Okay, ready? -(Click)

(whimper) -All done!

Voila!

Look at me, I'm officially pierced!

This is so beautiful.

I feel like a healer.

Except I put holes in people,

which is kind of the opposite.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪ Mom.

You won't believe it.

I got a C-on my Great Gatsby paper.

What? That's crazy.

That paper was brilliant.

It felt like someone with at least

a high school education wrote it.

Maybe even a couple months of college.

That's what I was thinking!

Well, what did the teacher say?

"Not up to your usual standards...

And klich."

What's "klich?"

Cliché?

She said it was cliché?

It means "unoriginal."

I had a feeling it was
something not nice.

But she's totally wrong, Max.

I'm gonna have a talk
with that Mrs. Harris.

Wow, Mom.

Never seen you defend
me like this before.

That's because I believe in this paper.

Oh, and you.

Olive, I did it!

I got my ears pierced!

Yes, both.

Come over and check them out.

Bye.

Grandma! Guess what?

I already know.

Your dad told me about
the permission slip.

I can't wait to take you
to get your ears pierced!

Huh?

I have been looking forward
to this moment for years.

My mom took me,

and I get to take my little noodle!

I'm just gonna grab
my purse, and we'll go.

What? Now?

Oh yeah. If you think about it too much,

you'll never get 'em done.

I don't think you'll
have to worry about that.

(knocking)

Hey, Olive.

Let me see those earrings...

Shh! My grandma will hear you!

She wants to take me to
get my ears pierced now.

You already got them pierced.

I know.

It turns out, she's been waiting
for this moment for years.

But you didn't know that. -I should've.

If she finds out I already
got my ears pierced,

it's gonna break her heart.

What are you gonna do?

I don't know.

Okay, Syd, ready to go? Oh hey, Olive.

Can Olive come with us?

Why?

Whaaat?

Of course! Who wouldn't want

their bestie along for this big moment?

Come on, girls!

(opens door)

Wait, still haven't seen them.

(shrieks)

Hi.

Can I talk to you, Mrs. Harris?

Oh, of course, Ms. Reynolds.

Hey, I like what you've
done with your hair.

(chuckles) Thank you.

I just thought I would try a little...

How could you give Max a C-?

Well because D's are just mean.

D? You must be joking!

That paper was
well-written and insightful.

It was at least an A-.

B+.

B, and that's my final offer.

I'm sorry, Ms. Reynolds.

I mean, usually Max's papers are full of

imagination and creativity,

but this paper had none of that.

I hate to say this, but...

it was boring.

Boring?

I might be a lot of things,
lady, but I'm not boring.

Don't you mean Max?

Yes.

Who else would I be talking about?

Ms. Reynolds, is there something

you'd like to share with the class?

(mumbling) I wrote the paper.

Oh? Hmm? Little louder, Ms. Reynolds.

Fine.

I wrote the paper.

Yeah, I'm starting to get that feeling.

It's just that Max is
doing so well in your class,

and it's really building his confidence.

So, when I saw that Max
was comparing Gatsby

to a superhero, I panicked.

You're a good mom, Ms. Reynolds.

Tell Max to turn in his own paper.

I look forward to reading it. (Chuckles)

Gatsby as a superhero?

How original!

I like to think that he
gets that from his mother.

I don't... -Come on! Throw me a bone!

♪ ♪

Welcome to Lacey's Earrings And More,

where you can... Hey, you're back.

Yes, I'm back. Listen,

my grandma's gonna be here any second,

and it turns out, she's always wanted

to take me to get my ears pierced.

Oh. I see why you had me skip the intro.

I need you to pretend that

you're piercing my
ears for the first time.

Got it.

Sorry we're late, but for some reason,

Olive wanted to stop to
try to make a duck laugh.

We're here to get my
granddaughter's ears pierced.

How exciting.

(nervous laugh)

So, what happens next?

I have never done this before.

Well, we're gonna have you sit in

this chair.

And I'm going to swab and
mark your unpierced ear.

(laughs) Now, this might hurt a little.

I'm scared.

Will you hold my hand, Grandma?

Of course. I'm here for you, Noodle.

Thank you, Grandma.

I couldn't do this without you.

Okay, ready?

Sydney!

What are you doing here?

Hi, Mrs. Harris.

We're here getting
Sydney's ears pierced.

Another piercing?

You rebel! (Imitates guitar)

Another piercing?

Sydney, you already
got your ears pierced.

Yeah.

This afternoon with Mrs. Harris.

Hey, Abby, I need to
make an exchange. Um...

Oo! Oh, I just love those...

doodads way over
there. Let's go! Come on!

Grandma, I didn't mean
to. We were just shopping,

and then I saw these
earrings, and suddenly

these happened. I'm sorry.

Let's go home.

Olive.

Did I just mess things up?

You promise not to fail me? -Yes.

Big time.

♪ ♪

Mom, did you talk to Mrs. Harris?

Yes.

She thinks you didn't write that paper.

What? Mom, I didn't cheat this time!

This time?

Or any time?

I don't get it.

Why would she think
someone else wrote my paper?

Because someone did.

Who?

Meh...

Meat?

How could meat write my paper?

No.

Me. I wrote your paper.

Why would you do that?

Because I was being a
silly, overprotective mother.

I was afraid that if
you got a bad grade,

you'd stop believing in yourself.

But I should've believed in you.

I'm sorry, Max.

It's okay.

The important thing is that
you learned your lesson.

Now, go to your room!

Don't push it.

Listen, Max, your teacher said

you can hand in your original paper.

And if you want,

I'd be happy to take another look at it.

Why would I want help from a C-student?

♪ ♪

(strumming)

You okay? You didn't
come down for dinner.

I wanted to keep a low profile.

I guess you heard what happened?

Yeah, I did.

So, let me see them.

Wow. They're beautiful.

I just wish I could enjoy them.

I really hurt Grandma's feelings.

The car ride home was so awkward,

she didn't say a single word.

Oof, the silent car ride home.

I've had a few of those.

All I remember is how I
could hear myself blink.

Olive couldn't handle it.

She started singing camp songs.

"John Jacob Jingleheimer
Schmidt" did not help the mood.

You're singing it in your
head right now, aren't you?

Unfortunately, yes.

I didn't know this meant
so much to Grandma,

and I don't know how
to make it up to her.

I'm all out of ears.

You think she'd settle for a nose ring?

No!

Hey, Syd. Can I talk to you?

Well...

you two probably have...

♪ John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt... ♪

Grandma, I feel awful
about trying to convince you

I was having my ears pierced.

I'm so sorry.

I'm afraid I can't accept your apology.

Until you accept mine.

What?

I'm so sorry for reacting the way I did.

Especially the silent car ride home.

That's not the Grandma I wanna be.

If it were,

I'd be eating dinner at :
and wearing sensible shoes.

But I hurt your feelings.

That's not your fault.

How were you supposed
to know I wanted to go?

I never told you.

I wish you had.

Me, too.

I guess I was hoping we'd
share the same moments

that you would've shared with
your mom, if she were here.

We have.

Like when I got my braces on.

When I got my braces off.

When you coached the soccer team,

even after I quit three weeks in.

Luckily, I was suspended after five.

Okay!

So we have no future misunderstandings,

this is what I call dibs on.

Taking you to get your driver's license,

dropping you off at college,

and jumping out of a plane with you

on your first skydive.

Yeah, we're good for the first two.

No skydiving?

It took me this long
to get my ears pierced.

Oh, speaking of ears
pierced, let me see.

Oo! (Laughing)

Hey, Mom. Guess who got an A?

You did?

Close. It was me!

That's great, Leo.

Max, did you get your grade?

Yep. I got a B+!

I'm so proud of you!

Yeah, and you know what B stands for?

What? -Better than my mom!

♪ ♪

Oh, yeah!