02x23 - Lucy Hires a Maid

[bunniefuu]

Honey, I think that tomorrow...

Please!

I'm sorry, honey, I
didn't mean...

What's the matter with you?

Are you crazy or something?

You want the baby to keep us awake
again tonight?

I'm sorry, dear, I guess I wasn't
thinking.

If I don't get some sleep soon,

I don't know what I'm going to do.

Well, honey, we'll keep our fingers
crossed.

Maybe we won't hear a peep out of him
tonight.

Well, I hope not.

And, honey, listen, if he does wake
up,

I'd certainly appreciate it if you'd
get up and take care of him.

Sure, honey, I will.
Okay.

Come on, let's go to bed.

What?!

Oh, Ricky, I'm simply asking if the
baby wake up

that you get up and take care of him.

Well, honey, I know it's a lot of
hard work taking care of the baby,

but that's what mothers are for.

Oh, and what are fathers for?

Well, the father is the breadwinner.

See, the father is supposed to get
his rest at night

so he can get up fresh in the
morning, go out into the world

and make money for his family.

You wouldn't tell me the rules before
the game started.

The next time we have a baby, I get
to be the father.

Now, don't try to be funny.

I'm not trying to be
funny.

You just don't know how tired I am.

You don't care anything about me.

Oh, honey, I do, honestly I do.

Then will you get up and take care of
him?

Isn't there some kind of a
compromise?

Look, I'll tell you what--

will get up, keep him quiet so the
other one can sleep.

Now, is that fair?

All right, you got a deal.

Okay.

Come on, let's go to bed.

All right, you out-snored me, you big
phony.

Shh, shh, shh.

It's all right, honey, it's all
right.

It's all right, baby.

That's okay, that's okay, honey.

Shh.

Lucy!

Lucy, honey, wake up!

What's the matter? Baby cry?

Don't get up, dear, I'll get him.

Honey, it's morning.

Oh, oh.

Straighten up.

Uh... oh, I can't.

Lower the side of the crib.

Huh? Oh.

What time is it?

It's : .

Oh, I got to get your breakfast.

Hey, honey, wait. Honey!

Honey, please don't...
don't worry about my breakfast.

Come on, you got to get some rest.

All right.

Listen, tonight I'm going to make
sure

you go to bed real early.

Oh, no, we're going to play bridge
with the Mertzes.

Oh, no, no, I'll call that off.

Oh, no, don't do that, that's all the
fun I have.

I'll be all right.

All I need is a little sleep.

All I ask...

Well, are you all set to play...

Honey, I don't seem to be able
to find

the card...

No use trying to play tonight.

No.
She's really bushed, isn't she?

Yes. I guess taking care of the house
and the baby

is a little bit too much for her.

Well, taking care of a little baby's
no easy job.

Well... You know what I was thinking,
Ethel?

What?

I ought to get Lucy a maid.

A maid? Oh, Ricky, that's wonderful.

Well, it's a big expense, but she
can't go on this way.

So you're thinking of getting Lucy a
maid, huh?

Hey, that idea might be a good thing
for us, too.

Why, Fred, are you thinking of
getting me a maid?

Nope. I'm thinking of hiring you out
to the Ricardos.

Lucy, honey...

wake up.

Three, no Tr*mp!

We haven't started playing yet.

Oh, hi.

Hi.
Hi.

And, honey, you know what we just
decided?

I'm going to get you a maid.

Isn't that wonderful, Lucy? A
maid!

I must still be asleep.

I thought you said you were going to
get me a maid.

I did, honey.
You can't go on this way.

You need some help.

Oh, Ricky, you're the most wonderful
husband in the world!

Oh, honey!

Gee, just think, honey,

this is the last breakfast I'll ever
have to serve.

What time is the first maid coming
out?

Well, the agency said she'd be here
about : .

What do you mean, the first maid?

Well, honey, you have to talk to
three or four of them

before you can decide.

Oh, anybody the agency sends out
ought to be all right.

Now, wait a minute, honey.

I don't want you to get started
wrong.

I want you to handle this like a real
businesswoman.

Well...

You got to ask her questions, find
out something about her.

Oh, I don't know.

Honey, why don't you stay around and
interview her?

Well, I can't, honey.

I got to go to rehearsal.

Well, I've never interviewed one
before.

What do I ask her?

Well, you got to ask her, uh...

where she worked before,

why she left,

if she's a good cook, if she knows
how to serve...

if she's got a catcher's mitt.

Well, couldn't I just hire her,

and hope that everything works out
all right?

Now, now, now, wait a minute.

The most important thing in hiring
anybody

is to establish the relationship

right from the start.
Oh.

You've got to be firm.

Let her know who's working for who.

Oh.
Yeah, don't give her too much time
off.

Make sure she understands

what her hours are and what her
duties are.

Be tough.

Well, I better go.

I'll call you later, see how you made
out.

Okay.
Bye.

Hey...

Oh, Ethel.

I was practicing interviewing the
maid.

Oh.

Ricky said that I should be firm with
her.

Well, what are you going to say?

Well, I... Here, you be the maid.

Now, first, I want to get a look at
you.

Eh.

Now, I want you to understand just
what kind of a job this is.

It's no cinch.

You'll cook and clean, do the laundry
and the ironing

and help take care of the baby.

You'll have Thursdays off and Sunday
afternoons only.

I expect you here at : in the
morning

and you mustn't leave until after
: at night.

Do you understand?

Hey, that was good, you were real
firm.

Well, it's the only way.

You see, you have to establish the
relationship

right from the start.

There she is.

Well, I'll see you later. Now, be
firm.

Yeah.

Good morning, I am from the
employment agency.

Are you Mrs. Ricardo?

Yes.

Uh, there are a few things that I
think that...

First there are some things that I
think we should discuss.

That's right.

Now, I must have Wednesday afternoons
off

and every weekend.

I can't possibly come before : in
the morning,

and I must leave before : at
night.

Oh.

Of course, you have an a*t*matic
dishwasher?

No, we don't.

A dryer?

No.

Uh, but we have a...
we have a garbage disposal

and a washing machine.

Well...

And a television set, -inch screen.

I'll take the job.

Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you.

May I help you off with your coat?

Yes.

Oh, that's a very pretty hat.

Yes. Well, now I'll see what I've
gotten myself into.

Oh, yes, go right ahead.

Just don't wake up the baby.

Baby?!

Well, he's just a little one.

He, he really isn't very much
trouble.

-Who takes care of him?
-I do?

Including his laundry?

Oh, yes, yes, I do everything for
him.

I take full charge of the baby,
always.

Oh, well, that's all right.

Yes.

Where's the kitchen?

In there.

Oh, I forgot, what is your name?

Mrs. Porter.

Oh, and what do I call you?

Mrs. Porter.

Ricardos' residence.

Huh? Just a minute.

Are you in to a Mrs. Mertz?

Ask her which Mrs. Mertz.

Which Mrs. Mertz?

The one you owe two months' rent to.

Hello, Ethel.

Oh, this is Mrs. Mertz' scullery
girl.

I'll ask the downstairs maid to ask
the upstairs maid

if madame can talk to you.

All right, all right.

How you doing?

Well, it isn't exactly

the way I dreamed about it.

What's the matter?

Oh, I'll come down later and tell you
about it.

She's fixing my lunch now.

Fixing your lunch?

That doesn't sound bad.

Well, I think maybe it'll work out
all right.

I'll be down later. Good-bye.

Lunch is ready.

Oh, all right.

Well, you don't want me to bring it
in there, do you?

Oh. Oh, no, of course not.

I'll eat in the kit... uh, in the
breakfast nook.

What's the matter?

Don't you like peanut butter
sandwiches?

Oh, yes. Yes, I like them very much
as a rule, but...

I tell you what, I think I'd rather
have

some of that roast beef that's in the
refrigerator.

That snivelly little leftover?

Why, there was half a roast...

Oh, yeah, that was the one.

Why, it hardly made a good mouthful.

Well, there's a head of lettuce, if I
could...

If I didn't have the salad, I'd have
starved to death.

There's some jelly up in the...

All gone?

Some milk?

All gone?

Well, I've got to eat, too, you know.

Oh, I know, I know.

Yes, of course, surely.

That's the way to eat a peanut butter
sandwich.

That's what's good for you--

a nice, pure

thick peanut butter on dry bread.

Good, huh?

I'll make you another one.

Hi.

Oh, pardon my answering the door

dressed like this, your highness.

If you'll excuse me, I'll go put on a
formal gown.

Oh, shut up.

What's the matter?

Oh, Ethel, let's face it, I'm not the
type to have a maid.

Some people are cut out for champagne
and caviar.

I'm more the beer and pretzel type.

What's the matter?
What happened?

Oh, she walks all over me.

She gets most of the time off, I have
to take care of the baby,

I have to do his laundry,

and she's eating me out of house and
home.

What am I going to do?

That's easy, fire her.

Fire her? Oh, I don't know.

Well, you certainly can't keep her.

You just said you're not the type to
have a maid.

Well, I'm not the type to fire one,
either.

Lucy Ricardo, are you afraid of the
maid?

Afraid? Me?

Yes!

Lucy, you go right up there and fire
her.

Come on, now, who's the boss?

You or her?

I am.

Who gives the orders?

I do.

Well, are you going to let someone,

a stranger, someone you pay money to,
boss you around?

I should say not!

Well, what are you going to do about
it?

I'm going to go right up there

and tell her she's through right now.

I'll show her who's the boss.

She's got a lot of nerve.

Mrs. Porter.

Yes?

May I see you for a moment?

Mrs. Porter, there's something I'd
like to say to you.

Well?

Uh, could I have glass of water,
please?

Thank you.

Mrs. Porter!

Well?

Could I have some more water, please?

Well, you haven't finished that.

Oh.

I guess I'm kind of thirsty from all
that peanut butter.

Oh, hi, honey.

How's my lady of leisure?

All rested up, huh?

No.

Why, what's the matter?

I don't like having a maid.

I'm just not cut out for it, Ricky.

I feel like I'm working for her.

That's worse than doing all the work
myself.

Well, we only got her

because we thought it was going to be
good for you.

If you don't like her, we'll let her
go.

We'll fire her, huh?

Sure.

Good. I'll go down and see Ethel,

and after you fire her, call me.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

This is your project-- you hire her,
you fire her.

Oh, I tried to and I couldn't.

Well, why not?

I got waterlogged.

Huh?

You'll do it for me, won't you,
Ricky?

Honey, I haven't even met her.

Well, that's perfect.
I'll introduce you.

I'll say, "Mrs. Porter, this is my
husband."

You say, "How do you do?
You're fired."

Now don't be silly.

I told you I want you to run this
house like a business.

Well, if you're afraid...

Me? Afraid?

Why, I could go in there right now
and fire her just like that.

Well, go ahead.

I will, I'll tell her, go right in
there now.

That's telling her.

Well, I was waiting for you to
introduce me.

Oh, sure.

Besides, if we don't lower our
voices,

nobody will have to tell her-- she'll
hear us.

Hey... hey, that's it.

What?
Um...

It's too bad,

but I think we're going to have to
let Mrs. Porter go!

Did you say we have to let Mrs.
Porter go?!

Yes, I'm going to let her go right
after dinner!

It just isn't working out.

Well, I guess you have to let Mrs.
Porter go, then.

Yes. Um, I'm going to let her go,

but I'm going to give her a good
recommendation

and a week's pay.
A whole week.

A good recommendation.

A week's pay.

A good recommendation!

Mrs. Porter, what are you doing here?

I went out to empty some trash and
the back door locked me out.

I knocked, but with all that yelling,
nobody could hear me.

You must have had some fight.

Hi.

Hi.

What's the matter?

Oh, I can't stand it upstairs with
that maid,

and I haven't got the nerve to fire
her.

Well, somebody's got to fire her.

Yeah.

Ethel, will you...

No!

Guess there's not much chance that
she'll quit, huh?

With an easy job like that, why
should she quit?

Yeah.

Hey, wait a minute-- what if she
didn't have such an easy job?

What if she had to work her head off
cleaning up all the time?

Yeah.

How can we make my apartment look
like a pigpen?

Oh, that's easy-- let Fred stay there
for a while.

No, come on, now, help me, what can
we do?

Well, let's see...
I could have Fred

bring up a lot of junk from the
basement.

Tell him to bring up everything
that's messy.

Okay.
Let's see, then we have to wait

until Mrs. Porter goes marketing,

and then we'll mess the place up.

And after she gets it all cleaned up,

we'll say we get it that dirty every
day.

That ought to do it.

That ought to do it, yes, sir.

Oh, hurry up. Come on!

How does it look?

Oh, boy, that's beginning to look
good.

How you doing in the kitchen?

Oh, fine.

I made a paste out of peanut butter

and mustard and molasses

and I smeared it over everything out
there.

Oh, this I got to see.

Come on and look at it.

I really did a fine job, wait till
you see it.

Oh, no, oh... oh, Ethel.

Isn't that great?

Oh, I wouldn't believe it if I didn't
see it.

Oh, look at that.

Oh!

Well, let's see now.

We forget anything?

Well, we could always throw a dead
horse in the corner.

Hey, hey!
What?

I found these old feather pillows.
Here.

What are they for?
What are they for?

Why, to spread the feathers around,
of course.

How do you go about doing that?

Well, there's only one way.

Oh!

Hey, what's going on here?

Hey, are you crazy or something?

What are you doing?

It's a scheme to make Mrs. Porter
quit.

Oh, no.

What's the matter?

Well, I felt sorry for you,

so I called her up an hour ago and I
fired her.