02x24 - The Indian Show

[bunniefuu]

Ricky, Ricky!

Ricky, guess what?

What, what?

The baby laughed right out loud.

That's nice.

You said the baby laughed right out
loud?

Yes, and it was so cute.

You should've seen it.

And it wasn't an accident.

I made a funny face and he laughed at
it.

Isn't that intelligent?

Oh, honey.

I wish I seen him.

Well, come on, I'll make him do it
again.

You think he will?

Sure he will.

Yeah?
Yeah.

Come on.

Now, you just watch.

Come on, honey.

Hi, there, old man.

Here we go.
Here we go again.

Now, you watch.

All right.

Well, he laughed before.

Maybe that face wasn't funny.

He's a great audience, this kid.

Well, I'll... I'll get him.

Pekinese dog.

Deadpan Ricardo.

Hey, honey, cut that out!

You going to scare the kid to death.

Honey, put your face back where it
belongs.

Oh, great.

Thank you.

Never mind.

That's very funny.

Is that any way for you to act?

Can't you do what mama wants you to
do, huh?

You got a sink to be fixed?

Hey, Rick.

Oh! Oh, hi, Fred.

Just a minute, would you?
Just a minute.

Boy, oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy.

What's so exciting?

All those Indians

you used to have in this country.

The stories about them

would really make your blood cuddle.

"Cuddle"?

Yeah, cuddle.

Oh, "cuddle."

I thought you meant like in that song

"Curdle Up a Little Closer."

Oh.

What are you reading

that kind of stuff for, anyhow?

Well, uh, Lucy wants me to study
American history

so I'll be a good father for the boy.

And you know something?

It gave me a wonderful idea.

Yeah?
Yes, sir.

I'm putting on a show at the club--

an Indian show.

Oh... fine.

Hey, have you got a job for me in it?

Well, you don't look like the Indian
type to me, Fred.

You look more like the plumber type.

Which reminds me, I got a sink in the
kitchen

that needs fixing.

All right, okay, okay.

I'll be right with you.

Hello.

Hello.

Oh, I got it, honey.

Oh.

Hello.

Oh, hi, Jerry.

Yeah, you find the Indians?

Two of them.

Good, yeah.

That's what we need.

Okay, look, Jerry.

I tell you what.

Send them over to my apartment this
afternoon

and I'll look at them, eh?

Okay.

Thank you.

Good-bye, Jerry.

Ug!

Okay, I give up.

What are you supposed to be?

Me a heap good injun.

Me do-em soft moccasin dance for you.

How you likum?

Stinkum.

Look, Fred, they got to be real
Indians.

I'm sorry, old man.

I got a couple of them

coming over here this afternoon.

Coming over here?
Yeah.

Oh, well, listen.

How are you going to keep Lucy out of
the act?

Lucy?

Yeah.

Oh, well, that's all over with.

Lucy's a mother now.

She's perfectly happy just staying at
home

and taking care of the baby.

This I got to see.

Hi, Fred.
Hi, Lucy.

Oh, Lucy.
What?

I was just telling Fred

that since you had the baby

the thought of being in show business

has completely left your mind.

Hasn't it?

Yup, it's gone.

See, she doesn't care anything about
the new show.

New show?

What do I do?

I thought it had left your mind.

Well, it had, but you opened the door

and it flew right back in.

Oh, no.
Ricky, what'll I do?

What'll I do, sing?
No.

Dance?
No.

Tell jokes?
No.

Play my saxophone?
No.

Walk around, look beautiful like a
show girl?

Down, girl.

Down, girl.

Down, girl!

Little mother...

Now, Ricky, it's been a long time

since I even asked you to be in one
of your shows.

Yes, I remember the last time

and you said it was going to be your
swan song.

Well, it's time for that swan

to hit the comeback trail.

That swan's got a little ham in it.

You keep out of this.

Look, I want you to understand this.

You cannot be in this show

or in any other show.

Give me one good reason.

I'll give you one good reason.

You're a mother.

I have just as much talent now

as I had before the baby was born.

That makes two good reasons.

Your public is waiting for you in
there.

Oh.

I guess I better call up and cancel
those auditions, huh?

What's the show about?

Never mind!

Ay-ay-ay.

What's the matter?

What?

What's the matter?

Matter?

Oh, nothing, dear.

I'm just sitting here.

What's new?

I'm going down to the club.

Oh, nothing, nothing.

I'm all right.

Good-bye, dear.

Oh, that's nice.

Oh, are you leaving?

Good-bye.

Fred, I'm going to go down to the
club

and call Jerry and tell him

to switch the auditions down there.

Hey, I got a great joke you can use.

Yeah?
Yeah.

Do you know the one about the Indian

that had to sleep in the hotel lobby

because he didn't have a reservation?

No.

How does it go?

Never mind, you wouldn't like it.

Hi.

Oh, my...

Don't ever do that!

Are you crazy?

Oh, you startled me.

I was reading this book.

Well, it must be some book.

Let me see it.

Good night!

Blood-Curdling Indian Tales.

Oh, you're reading more sophisticated
stuff these days,

aren't you?

Those were very exciting times.

I-I'm glad I didn't live in them.

Listen-- listen to this.

"Then the silhouettes of the Indians
appeared on the horizon.

"The pioneer men pushed the women and
children

back into the wagons."

Imagine being alone out on the
prairie

thousands of miles away from any
help.

Oh, yeah.
Imagine that.

"The Indians crept closer and closer.

"Fire-tipped arrows pierced the
canvas of the first wagon.

"Women fainted.

"Children screamed.

"The Indians were almost upon them.

"They could see their fiendish faces
hideously painted--

"grotesque in the light of the
leaping flames.

"There was a lull as the last groans
of the dying men faded.

"Suddenly to the ears of the cowering
women and children,

"out of the stillness of the night,

broke the sound of an Indian w*r
cry."

Oh.

It's just the doorbell.

Oh, I was really gone.

I'm telling you, these things can
really...

Ethel!

Ethel!

My baby, my baby!

Oh, Lucy.

My baby! There are wild Indians out
there!

Wild Indians!

Your imagination has run away with
you.

We're surrounded!
We're being att*cked!

Indians! Don't open the door, Ethel.

They'll scalp us.

Lucy...
wait a minute.

I never thought I'd see you cr*ck up.

What do we do?!
What do we do?!

Barricade the door!

Oh, he's a big one.

We better get the...

Help!

Fred! Indians! Look!

Indians!

They tried to scalp us!

Wait a minute, wait a minute!
They tried to scalp us!

What's... What's going...?

They came right in on us.

Are you dames balmy or something?

No!

These guys are actors.

- Actors?
- Actors?!

They're gonna be in Ricky's new
show.

Eww...

They should've gone down to the club.

Why'd you slug 'em?

What?

Why'd you slug 'em?

Why'd we slug 'em?

Uh...

Oh! Oh, oh, I was reading a book
about Indians,

and right in the most exciting part
they came in

and... we just got carried away.

Well, if they're hurt, you might get
put away.

Oh, let's see, then.

Help him up, Fred.

We'll help you up.

Mr. Indian.

There you are.
Come on.
Come on.

There. You okay? You okay?
Atta boy, chief.

Oh, uh, me heap sorry me smackum on
coco.

Huh?

Oh. Oh, you speak English?

Certainly I
speak English!

What are youse trying to do, m*rder
me?

Oh, no. No, I'm terribly sorry.

We thought you were someone else.

Well, ain't this Ricardo's place?

Yes, yes.

Oh, and you're supposed to go down

to the Tropicana club.

Are you all right?

Well... I guess we'll live.

Man, these auditions

are getting tougher every day.

Listen, I'm Mrs. Ricardo

and I promise

that you'll both get the job if...

if, uh, maybe you'll just forget
about this.

Well, okay.

Oh, thank you.

Come on, Herman.

Oh, they were real friendly Indians.

Yeah.

So the show has an Indian theme, huh?

Mm-hmm.

Oh, hey, I played Hiawatha in a
school pageant once.

"By the shores of Gitche Gumee

by the, by the shining-big-sea water,
stood the wigwam of..."

Ethel, will you stay with the baby
while I go to rehearsal?

No, she won't.

Why won't I?

Well, 'cause Ricky just called

and he wants us to come down at the
club.

He's got a job for us in the new
show.

He has?
On, that's wonderful.

I'm sorry, Lucy.

I'll see you later.

Oh, yeah, maybe you will.

Huh?

Well, I might just stroll down to the
club

with the baby this afternoon.

Stroll down?

It's miles down there.

Oh, yeah, I guess you're right.

It's too far.

Well, so long.

Bye.
Bye.

All right, all right, all right, all
right.

That's pretty good for that step.

Now, let's take the whole thing from
the top.

Oh, no.
Oh, wait a minute, Rick.

I couldn't do it again, Ricky.
My back's broke.

I'm too tired.
I've had it.

I couldn't go through with it.

Well, you characters,

you want to be in show business and
you don't want to rehearse.

Oh, my feet.
Why don't you get a whip?

All right, okay, you go over the
table and rest for awhile.

I'll try the other number.

Pepin, you go take a smoke.
Go ahead.

All right, let's try the, uh...
"The Waters of the Minnetonka."

Is that the number?
That's right, all right.

I want to try the moon effect, too,

so get ready with the light, boys.

Juanita, you ready?

Okay, Rick.

Marco, ready?

Here we go.

I'll give you two, huh?

One, two.

Moon

Dear

How near?

You're

So

Di-vine.

Sun

Sun

Dear

Dear

No

No

Fear

Fear

In heart

Of mine.

Sky is blue

For you

Look down

In love

Waves bright

Give light

As love

May do.

Hear

Hear

Thou

Thou

My

My

Vow

Vow

To live

To-night!

Oh, that was wonderful.

That's great, Rick.

That's great.

You like it, huh?

Good.

All right.

Listen, take it easy going down
there.

I love those repeats, that was
very...

That's my favorite...
my favorite part.

Watch it now. This is kind of tricky

getting out of here, you know.

Your voice sounds wonderful,
Juanita.

Thank you.

That's nice.
That's nice, boys.

Nice and soft like that.

Now, listen, we've got a lot of work
to do

because we've got to open this thing
tomorrow afternoon.

Tomorrow afternoon?

That's right.

Whoever heard of nightclub opening in
the afternoon?

Well, the place is sold for a
benefit--

a women's club benefit.

Besides, it'll give us a good chance

to break in the act.

Gee, Ricky, that's the only time I've
got

to spend with my baby.

Well, honey, you'll make some
extra money.

You can buy the kid

a defense bond, all right?

Okay.
All right.

Now, let's see.

What kind of an act can I get to fill
in

while I change my costume

for that peace pipe number?

Well...

"By the shores of Gitche Gumee,

"by the shining big-sea-water,

"stood the wigwam of Nokomis

"daughter of the moon, Nokomis.

"Bright before it beats the water,

"beats the clear and sunny water,

"beats the shining big-sea-water.

"Dark before it loomed the forest,

"loomed the black and gloomy pine
trees,

"loomed the fir with cones upon them.

"There the wrinkled old Nokomis

nursed the little Hiawatha."

As I was saying

what kind of an act can I get...?

Now, Ricky.

Look, you know what my answer is

and I don't want to hear another word
about it.

But, honey, you didn't even give me a
chance

to show you what I can really do.

Well, why don't you leave your name
and address

with the secretary.

Come on, let's check our costume.
Let's go.

We got a lot of work.
Let's get moving here.

Juanita.

Juanita, it sure is a shame you can't
spend

any time with your baby tomorrow
afternoon.

I-I know just how you feel

now that we have a child.
Uh-huh.

Wouldn't it be wonderful

if we could figure out some way that
the show could go on

and you could still spend time with
your baby?

It would be terrific.

Well, now, if we just put our heads
together,

I'm sure that we're going to be able
to figure out...

Ug!

A medicine man I met

Said don't get yourself in a sweat

When things go wrong just shrug
and say...

It must've been something I et.

Hey, if your temper is getting
in the top hat

All you got to do is just stop and

Pass that peace pipe and bury that
tomahawk.

Like those Choctaws, Cherokees
and Chippewas do.

If you're feeling mad as a wet hen

Mad as you can possibly get

Then pass that peace pipe, bury
that tomahawk

Like those Choctaws, Cherokees and
Chippewas do.

Don't be cranky

Give yourself a little restraint

Fold that hanky

And wash off all that w*r paint

And if you find yourself in a fury

Be your own judge, don't land in no
jury

Pass that peace pipe and bury that
tomahawk

Like those Seminoles, chewchews,
babalus do

Like those Choctaws, Cherokees and
Chippewas do.

Ug!

Whoo, whoo, whoo!

Whoo, whoo, whoo!

Whoo, whoo, whoo!

How!

Whoo, whoo, whoo!

Gracias, gracias.

Thank you very much, ladies.

And now we'd like to give you our
version

of one of the most beautiful Indian
numbers ever written--

"The Waters of the Minnetonka."

Moon

Dear

How near

You're so...

Di-vine.

Come here

I...

Uh-uh.

In...

Heart

Of mine.

Sky is blue

Sky is blue

For you

For you

Look down

Look down

In love

In love

Waves bright

Waves bright

In love

In love

And sun

The moon

Hear

Hear

Thou

Thou

My

My

Vow

Vow

To...

Live...

Who's taking care of the baby?

To-night!