04x08 - Lucy's Mother in Law

[bunniefuu]

("I Love Lucy" theme song playing)

(band playing Latin swing)

Bim bam boom, bim bam boom

La mula...

Va bailando detras del

Bim bam boom.

(applause)
Bravo! Bravo!

Thank you, my devoted public.

What brings you down here this time
of day?

(gasps)

Hollywood called!
I got the screen test!

No.

Hollywood called, and I didn't get
the screen test?

No, Hollywood didn't call.

It has nothing to do with the screen
test.

Oh. I just happened

to be downtown shopping and I thought
I'd drop by

and bring you a letter that came this
morning.

Oh. It's special delivery.

I thought it might be important.

Well, that's very sweet of you,
honey,

but you could have called me

over the phone and read it to me.

Please, I do not approve of reading
other people's mail.

Oh.

Besides, it was all in Spanish.

Oh, it's from Mother.

Oh, what does she say?

Oh, isn't this wonderful!

What?

"Por fin, voy a poder hacer

"el viaje a los estados unidos

"Si todo sala bien,

"saldre por avion la semana entrante

y si no te es inconveniente

"me gustaria hospedarme

en tu casa por unos cuantos dias."

Isn't it wonderful?!

Wonderful!

What did she say?

I forgot.

Well, she's finally coming to visit
us!

She is?

Yeah.

She is?

What's the matter, honey?

Oh, gee, I-I'm kind of afraid to meet
your mother

after all these years.

Oh, now, don't be silly.

She says she'll be here next week
sometime.

She'll wire us to tell us the exact
time.

Ricky?

Yeah?

Do you think she'll like me?

Oh, honey...

she'll love you just as much as I do.

I hope so.

(chuckling): Sure.

Mr. Ricardo...

Say, Professor...

Permission to audition the act?

Yeah. We're ready anytime you're
ready.

Thank you.
Okay.

Who's that?

Oh, a Professor Buonanova.

He's got a mind-reading act,

and we might use him at the club.

Does he really read people's minds?

So he says.

Presenting Professor Buonanova, mind
reader extraordinaire.

Bravo!

LUCY: (applause) Bravo!

RICKY: Hear, Hear!

Ladies and gentlemen, you are about
to witness

the most amazing mind-reading feat of
the century.

And now I'd like a volunteer from the
audience, please.

Oh, thank you, madam.

Me?

Go ahead.

(laughs)

Now...

what's the date of your birth?

August .

August , what?

August , period.

Oh, won't you tell me the year, too?

He's the mind reader; let him tell
you.

Professor...

I'm thinking of a date.

A date...
A date...

The date is the sixth of August.

Why, Rick...

Oh, you told him when my birthday
was.

No, honey, I just met him.

Go on now, you told him.

Let's try something else.

Tell me something

that no one else could possibly know.

All right.

I know something that even Ricky
doesn't know.

A nickname when I was in grade
school...

I'm thinking of a name, Professor.

A name...

A nickname...

One she used when she was in grade
school.

Th-The name is... Bird Legs!

Why, that's fantastic!

Did you hear that?

Well, honey, push your eyes back into
your head.

He wasn't really reading your mind.

But he knew all those things!

Of course.

I know. They do it, uh...
with electro-knicks.

"Electro-knicks"?

I think he means electronics.

Oh.

Yeah, that's it.
That's what I said.

Yes, we do the act with a shortwave
setup, you see?

Here is the receiver.

And I have the microphone here.

Oh, for heaven's sake.

Then he really heard what I tol...
oh.

Of course.
Isn't that clever?

Well, Professor, that's a wonderful
act.

We'll buy it. You can start tomorrow
night.

Fine. Muchas gracias, Senor Ricardo.

Muy respeto, Gracias. Senora.

Adios.

(chuckles)

Aren't they great?

They sure are.

Ricky?

Yeah?

You really think your mother will
like me?

Of course she will, honey.

She'll love you

from the top of your pretty red head

to the bottom of your skinny bird
legs.

Oh!

Hi.

Hi.

"Carne de puerco con chile vurdy."

What are you doing?

I'm going through this Cuban
cookbook.

You know, according to Ricky,

his mother thinks I'm the best cook

and housekeeper in the whole wide
world.

Oh, brother.

When is she coming?

I don't know; she's gonna wire us
ahead of time.

Well, when do you start the
housecleaning?

Oh, I wasn't going to do anything
special.

The apartment's all clean.

Honey, your mother- in-law is coming!

Stand by for dust inspection.

Oh, Ethel, you don't think

Ricky's mother is coming all the way
up from Cuba

just to check on my housekeeping?

Why not? Fred's mother comes all the
way

from Indiana once a year just to look
under my rug!

Oh-ho-ho-ho!

Oh, brother,

if I thought she'd stay home,

I'd send her the rug and a box of
dirt.

(laughing)

Oh, I don't think Ricky's mother is
like that.

Honey, a mother-in-law is a
mother-in-law.

Don't take any chances.

You know what she'll do.

She'll open every drawer,

She'll go through all the closets.

She'll go under the bed, over the
transom,

all around the picture frames.

Oh, Ethel...

I'm telling you.

Really? Mm.

FRED: Ethel!

What?

Where's my lunch?

I'm coming.

I got to go.

Don't say I didn't warn you.

Lucy! Lucy!

Lucy, she's here! She's here!

Who's here?!

Ricky's mother. I just saw her
getting out of a cab.

H-H-How do you know it's Ricky's
mother?

She tried to pay the cab driver in
pesos.

And she looks like those pictures you
showed me.

Well, here, help me put this stuff
back in the closet.

(muttering): Oh...

Oh, that's the way it always is.

They tell you they'll let you know
when they're coming,

they never do!

(muttering): Until you find out...

Oh, for heaven's sake!

I didn't expect her for a week!

Oh, it'll always be like this.

All right.

Okay.

Whoa!

Push, you push!
I'll hold it.

Push it.
There it goes.

Clear this up.

(doorbell buzzing)

Oh, my gosh!

Here, take this.

(insistent buzzing)

(door shuts)

(doorbell buzzing)

Lucita?

Yes?

Yo soy la mama de Ricky.

Y tu no puedes ser otra persona que
Lucita.

Ay, Lucita, mi hija.

Que ganas tenia de verte.

Oh, Mother Ricardo, we didn't expect
you so soon.

We didn't get a wire

saying you were arriving or anything.

I... I'm so sorry.

?Como?

I... I was just cleaning up the house

and I... I'm a mess,

and the place is a mess and...

Oh, I wanted everything to be so nice
when you got here.

Yo no hablo Ingles.

What?

No hablo Ingles.

Oh... oh!

Well, uh... uh... uh, me no habla
Spanish.

No Espanol, no Espanol.

?Que se puede hacer?

Huh?

?Que se puede hacer?

Yeah, well, yeah.

?Donde esta mi nieto?

Huh?

Mi nieto.

Oh, oh, yes, I'll hang it up.

No, no, no, no.

El bebe, el bebe.

Oh, oh, the baby.

Oh, oh, little Ricky.

Riquito, Riquito.

Yeah, well, he's sleeping.

Sleeping...
sleeping.

Ay, ique lastima!

Yeah, well, do you want to see him?

Como.

(no audio)

iQue muchacho tan lindo!

Es un encanto.

Se parece a Ricky.

Well, we-we think he's pretty nice.

Thank you very much.

We think he's...

(doorbell buzzing)

Cablegram.

Oh.

It's in Spanish, but I have a feeling
you're arriving today.

Uh...

sit-o.

Sit-o.

I'll, I'll call Ricky.

Ricky?

Um, uh... me telefono Ricky.

Ya se, vas a hablarle a Ricky por
telefono.

Uh, si... si.

Yeah.

Hello, hello, I'd like to speak to
Mr. Ricardo, please.

This is...

Oh.

Well, have you any idea when you
expect him?

Oh, well, no, no message.
Thank you.

Um...

Uh... if you'll excuse me, I'll, I'll
fix my dinner.

Uh... dinner?

Fix dinner?

Eat, dinner?

Ah, comida, comida.

Vas a hacer la comida.

Yeah, well, all right.

?Que vas a preparar?

Wha... what?

Preparar, pre-pa-rar.

Pre-pa-rar.

Preparar.

Preparar.

Pre-pa-rar, oh, prepa, prep, prepare!

Si, si.

Prepare, what am I preparing?

What am I having for dinner?

Si.

Ah, well, I'm having chicken and
rice.

Uh... uh... chicken and rice, how do
you say that in Spanish?

Uh, uh... oh, I, I knew that.

Chicken, chic...?
Chicken.

Uh... chicken.

(clucking)

(clucking)

Ya se, gallina, gallina.

?Gallina?

Si.

Well, I don't think so,

but, anyway, we're having it with
rice.

Rice.

(humming Chinese tune)

Arroz!

Arroz! Arroz con pollo.

Arroz con pollo!
Arroz con pollo!

That's it. Arroz con pollo.

Yeah, well, that's what we're having.

Uh... Ricky, uh...

will be home soon.

Uh... Ricky casa soon.

Soon?

Soon.

Any minute now.

Hi, honey...

Mother!

Mi vida!

When did you get in?

Yo estaba deseosa de verte.

Why didn't you call me?

Well, I tried...

?Cuando llegaste?

Has she seen the baby?

Yeah.

?Tu viste tu nieto ya?

?Estas orgullosa?
Huh?

Oh, oh, isn't this wonderful?

The three of us finally got together.

Yeah.

Come on, sit down, sit down.

Let's, let's, let's get to know each
other good, huh?

Oigame, tu no sabes lo contento que
estoy.

?Cuando llegaras?

Aterrizamos a las dos.

Mande un cable de Havana

pero llego despues que yo.

?El cable llego despues que tu?

(laughing)

El cable llego despues que tu.

(laughing)

Listen.

How do you like...

?Como te gusta...

?Como te gusta mi mujer?

?Como te gusta Lucy?

Dile a Lucy que es exactamente lo que
esperaba.

Mother says that you're just the way
she pictured you.

Well, thank you.
You tell her

She's just like I pictured her, too.

She looks just like you.

Lucy dice que tu y yo nos parecemos.

Gracias.

Mother says, "Thank you."

You are welcome.

Lucy dice, "No hay de que."

Dile a Lucy que mi nieto parece un
angelito.

Aw. She says that little Ricky looks
just like an angel.

Oh... gracias.

Lucy, uh, Lucy says, "Thank you."

You... are... welcome.

Mama dice, "No hay de que."

I got my fingers crossed.

I'm talking to you in Spanish

and talking to mother in English.

You got your wires crossed.

My wires or something crossed.

I don't know what it was.

Hey, what's burning, honey?

My-my dinner.

Your dinner?

What happened?

Oh, for heaven's sake.

RICKY: Uh-oh.
Oh, no, don't tell me...

Oh, no!

Oh, no! Oh...

Look at it!

Ay, que lastima, Lucita!

But that's all right, honey.
We'll eat it anyway.

It's just little charcoal taste,
that's good.

Hi.

Hi.

What are you doing tonight?

Nothing in particular. Why?

Want to run away with me?

Run away?

What's the matter?

Oh, Ethel, I haven't done anything
right

since Ricky's mother came to visit
us.

Oh, honey, you have, too.

I have not.

The day she arrived, the apartment
was a mess,

my hair was up in curlers,

the closet exploded in her face

and I b*rned the dinner.

Yes, I know, hon....

And then the next day, I took her
shopping

and I lost her in the subway.

(sniffling)

But someone turned her in to lost and
found.

Sure.

She must think I'm an awful dope.

I wouldn't be surprised if she had
our marriage annulled.

Nothing that's happened has been your
fault.

Now, you march back in there and
you...

No, I can't.

Why not?

Well, his... his mother

has some friends coming over to see
her tonight

and I offered to press her dress for
her.

Well?

After the annulment, you can come and
live with us.

(wailing)

I didn't mean it, honey.

I was only joking.

Please, don't make jokes.

You're the only English-speaking
friend I've got.

Oh, honey...

I just wish there was some way

that I could walk into that group
tonight

and start speaking Spanish.

Well, you could always give the party
down at the United Nations

and use their earphones and an
interpreter.

Oh, sure.

Oh, honey, you got to get hold of
yourself.

I never saw you so upset.

Hey!
What?

You have given me a tremendous idea!

Oh, honey, I'm sure the United
Nations

has more important things to do.

No, no, there's a new act down at the
club

and they use hidden earphones and a
hidden microphone.

I could, I could borrow the earphones

and somebody could be in the kitchen,

telling me what to say in Spanish!

Don't look at me.
I don't speak Spanish.

No, no, but that professor does!

I'm going to call him and ask him if
he'll help me.

Ricky and his mother went down to
pick up the guests.

They're not back yet. Mm-hmm.

Now, look, can you see that?

No.

Does it show in my ear?

No, no, no.
It's all right.

Can you see the wire?

No, I don't.
Okay. It's fine.

But are you sure Mrs. Mertz will let
me know if my...

if my phone call comes in?

Oh, sure, she'll tell you as soon as
she gets it.

Oh, fine.
What's so important?

Well, it's my daughter.

Tonight I may become an abuelo!

A what?

Abuelo. Grandfather.

And I want to know when it happens.

Well, of course you do.

Congratulations.
Don't worry. Thank you.

She'll call you.

Now, you watch through here, listen
to what they say

and tell me what to say in Spanish.

Don't worry.

Go slowly.
Go slowly. Oh, yes.

Want to try it once? Yeah.

Okay, say something.

Muy bien, gracias.

Muy bien, gracias.

Hey, that's perfect.

(Ricky and others chattering)

They're coming!

Here they come! Duck down!

La casa es aqui.
aqui estamos. Pasen.

Denme los abrigos, por favor.

Tenga, muchisimas gracias.

Sientense, sientense.

Muchas gracias.
Muchas gracias.

?Y su senora esta?

Ella debe estar en casa de unos
amigos de nosotros

que viven al lado, senora, los
Mertzes.

Si, pero ella...

Si, ella viene pronto.

Si, pero estamos deseando de verla.

Ay, ay, el bebe.

Encantada con el bebe.

Ah, hiya, honey! Hi.

Where have you been?

Well, I-I was out taking a Spanish
lesson.

Spanish lesson!

Uh-huh. I want to be able

to talk to your mother and her
friends.

Well, honey, that's awfully sweet,

but I don't think you can learn in
one lesson.

Well, I don't know.

I learn pretty fast, you know.

Well, I want you to meet our friends.

Quiero que conocen con mi senora,

el Senor y Senora Ollas.

Mi senora, Lucy.

Mucho gusto saludarla, Senora
Ricardo.

Say, "Mucho gusto."

Mucho gusto.

Mucho gusto, Senora.

Mucho gusto.

Hey, you did learn something.

iQue pronto aprendio, hijo!

Yeah.

(chuckling)

Honey...

I think that's wonderful.

Yo se una que otra palabra.

Yo se una que otra palabra.

Esto es increible, hijo.

Esta tarde no hablabas una palabra en
Espanol.

Y ahora lo hablas perfectamente.

She says that it's amazing how soon
you learned.

Say, "Gracias."

Gracias.

You mean to tell me that

you understood everything that Mother
said?

Si.

Si.

Tell him to speak in Spanish.

Habla en Espanol.

Uh... habla en Espanol.

Uh...

?Tu entendiste todo lo que mama te
dijo?

Si.

Si.

?Le ha dado mucho gusto conocer

al fin despues de tantos anos a su
suegra?

He says it must be wonderful to meet
your mother-in-law.

Uh... si. Si.

Digame, ?cuantos anos tienen de
casados?

He also wants to know how long you've
been married.

Nod your head, so I will know.

Ten years?

Twelve?

Years?

Trece anos.

Trece anos.

SENOR OLLAS (chuckling): Oh.

(whispering:)
Professor, it's a boy!

It's a boy!

A boy!

Lucy...

?Si?

Tu sabes perfectamente bien

que tu no hablas una palabra de
Espanol.

?Que cuento te trae tu?

Uh...

(nervous chuckle)

Buenas nochas, amigos.

Uh, buenos no...

The professor had to go away.

Eww...

Stall. I'll think up something to do.

Uh...

Oh, uh... uh...

?Felipe Morris-a, Senora?

Si.

Light-o?

?Felipe Morris-a, Senor ?

Muchas gracias.

?Felipe Morris-a, mamacita?

Si, gracias, Lucita.

Light-o?

Lucy, I'd like a cigarette.

All right, dear.

You come right in here.

Look, I don't get this.

You don't speak Spanish.

Well, the professor was here, but he
had to go away.

Oh...

She was only doing this

so your mother would like her better.
Adios.

Now, what... what are you trying to
do?

Well, I... I...
I just wanted...

?Que estas haciendo, Ricky?

Mama, Lucy estaba conectada aqui con
este microfono

y el Profesor Buonanova le estaba
traduciendo todo

para ella poder hablar con ustedes
alla.

Que graciosa es tu mujer.

Imaginate, meterse en tanto lio

ino mas para divertirme a mi!

Well, now I've heard everything.

What?

She think that you're just wonderful

to go through all this trouble just
to please her.

Oh, gracias, mamacita!

Mi Lucita!

LUCY: Oh, gracias!

ANNOUNCER: The part of Ricky's mother
was played by Mary Emery.

The professor and his assistant were
Virginia Barbour

and Fortunio Bonanova.

The guests were Pilar Arcos and
Rudolfo Hoyos.

Bennett Green was the messenger.

ANNOUNCER: I Love Lucy is a Desilu
Production.

Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz

will be back next week at this same
time.