04x11 - Getting Ready

Complete collection of episode scripts for the TV series, "I Love Lucy". Aired October 1951 - May 1957.*
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Lucy & Ricky Ricardo live in New York, while Ricky tries to succeed in show business -- Lucy who is always trying to help -- usually ends up in some kind of trouble that drives Ricky insane.
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04x11 - Getting Ready

Post by bunniefuu »

("I Love Lucy" theme song playing)

Hi, honey.

Oh, hi there.

How's the baby?

He's fine. We played for a couple of
hours

and then he went to sleep.

Oh, good. Wait till you see what I
got.

Lucy...
What?

You didn't buy more clothes?

Didn't I?

Now, look, honey, I'm only going to
do one part in one picture,

and we're only going to be in
Hollywood one month.

Exactly. We're going to be there a
whole month.

It sounds different when you say it.

Wait till you see the wonderful
bathing suit I got.

Look.

That's real cute.

You like it?
Yeah.

You want to see how it looks?

Now wait just a minute, honey.

Don't wake up little Ricky

just to try a bathing suit on him.

Little Ricky?
This is for me.

What?!

Usted no se puede poner ese traje de
bano

en ningun lugar del mundo!

How dare you say whatever you said!

Look, no wife of mine is gonna be
seen wearing that thing.

All right, I'll take it back.

Okay.

I can't afford to argue with you...

till we get out there.

What's all that?

Travel folders.

Trying to figure out which is the
best way to go.

You know, we've got to save as much
money

as we can on this trip.

Well, movie stars always fly.

I'm not a movie star yet.

Let's not spend the money before we
make it.

I was undecided between the bus and
the train.

Well, I don't know...

It's better for the baby.

It's the quickest.
He'll sleep the whole way.

Well, that's true. Look here.

"Special facilities for the baby.
Family plan.

Your wife and children can fly for
half fare."

Well, I... I guess it'll be better
for the baby.

Why, sure. Well, you'd better make
reservations, too.

Good flights are hard to get on.

Okay, I'll call them.

The bus or the train.

Really, Ricky.

All right, all right!
I was just thinking.

Reservations, please.

I'd like to make reservation

for Los Angeles next Monday.

That's two adults and a child.

Family plan.

Uh, Ricky, you've never been across
the country, have you?

No.

What?

Leaves in the evening, gets there the
next morning?

Well, that will be fine.

Yes, the name is Ricardo.

Just a minute, Ricky.

Listen...

Ricardo. R-i-c...

You know, it'd be a shame to cross
the country

and not really get a chance to see
it, don't you think?

No, no, no.
"C." "C."

"R-I..." You know, on the train,

you can see the country you're
passing through.

This is little Ricky's first chance
to go across

the United States, so don't you think

you ought to get a chance to really
see it?

Don't you think so?
Would you please keep quiet?

No, not you, sir. No.

Would you please hang on a minute?

Now, look, honey, will you keep quiet
so I can talk to the man?

Yeah, well, talk all you want to, but
we're taking the train.

All right.

Well...

What?!

I said we're taking the train.

Would you please hang on a minute?

Look, this may be the baby's only
chance

to cross the United States, and I
think he should see it.

Now, we are taking the train.

Look, mister, I'm afraid that I'm
gonna have...

Oh, you're married, too.

Thanks anyway.

Now, look, Lucy, why don't you make
up your mind

which way you want to go

before you get me involved with all
these people?

First, it's got to be the plane.

Now, it's got to be the train.

Yeah, well, you got to admit it makes
sense.

Now, now, here's the number.
You call them.

You'd better read the bus folder
before I call them.

Oh, don't be silly, the bus.

You sure you want the train?

I'm positive.

All right, the train.

It's a wonderful chance for the baby

to see all of the United States.

I just didn't think of it.
Okay.

That's all. Okay.

Reservations, please.

Look, I'd like to make a reservation

for Los Angeles next Monday

for two adults and a child.

Yes, I'll hang on.

Uh, Ricky?

What?

Oh, that's good.

Yeah, I'll pick them up tomorrow.

How much would they be?

Uh, could I speak to you, dear?

In a minute.

No, now, dear.

Will you please hang on a minute?

Well, listen.

"Get the most out of your
cross-country trip.

"Don't fly over it

"or whoosh through it at or
miles an hour

"without stopping.

"On the bus, you make frequent stops.

"You can get out, see the scenery,

"meet the people in various parts of
the country.

You and your fellow passengers are
one big happy family."

One big happy family.

Isn't that nice?

Look, mister, I'll have to call you
back on this.

Yes, thank you very much.

I was only thinking of the baby.

Look, Lucy, this whole thing was my
fault.

I...

Your fault?

Yeah.

It was something that I said that
started this whole thing.

What'd you say?

I do.

Now, look, I'll carry you and little
Ricky

across country piggyback

if you'll just make up your mind
which way you want to go.

Now, once and for all, what is it
gonna be?

Plane, train or bus?

Have you decided?

Yes.

Well?
We'll go by car.

Good. I'll call...

By car?

Yeah.

We don't even own a car.

Well, we'll get one.

I don't know why didn't think of this
before.

That way, we can really see the
country.

Stop where we want to as long as we
want to.

We can see the Grand Canyon, Pike's
Peak, Yosemite. Huh?

You know, you'll have to get a car

when you get out there anyway.

You absolutely need a car in Southern
California.

You do, huh?
Yeah.

I've been reading up on it.

There's a car for every ?
people in California.

Now, you and I and little Ricky,
that's ? people.

When we get to the border, without a
car,

they won't let us in.

Well, you know something?

I think you've got something there
someplace.

We probably can get a convertible
here

a lot cheaper than out there.

A Cadillac convertible!

Who said nothing about a Cadillac
convertible!

I mean, maybe if we can get a used
car,

we maybe can afford it,

but don't get your heart set

on a Cadillac convertible kind of a
deal.

No. No, I won't give it another
thought.

Good.

Cadillac convertible!

Oh, hi. Come on in.

Hi.
Hi.

Hi, Fred.
Hi, Ethel.

Oh, Ethel, wait till you see

the wonderful bathing suit I got.

ok, honey, isn't this just absolutely
dreamy?

Very nice.

What's eating her?

She's been moping around the house
like a sick cat

just 'cause you two are leaving.

Aw, honey, don't feel like that.

We're only gonna be gone a month.

No, you won't.

Ricky will be a big star

and they'll give him a long-term
contract

and you'll get a house and stay out
there.

We'll never see you again.

Oh, honey, of course you will.

Even if we do stay out there,

you'll come visit us.

Oh, no, we won't.

It's too far.

Besides, you'll make all new friends.

They'll be rich and famous.

You won't have any time for us.

Yes, we will, honey.

Now, look, Ethel, I promise you,

no matter how big a star we become,

and even after we win the Oscar,

you'll still be our dearest

and closest friends.

We'll never forget you, honey.

We'll never forget you either.

Look at those two, will you?

Two sentimental idiots.

Well, I can't help it

when I think I may never see my
little godson again.

Oh, no...

Now, cut it out.

Yeah, cut it out, will you?

When you see all those fancy people,

we'll look kind of dowdy and plain to
you.

No, honey.

You won't want to see us anymore.

Hey, hey!

Why don't you come along with us?

You mean, us?

Go to California?

Yeah. Why not?

Oh, wonderful!

Sure, that would be great.

Hey, hey, hold it.

We can't afford a trip like that.

Oh, why not, Fred.

We never go anyplace.

I haven't been out of this town for
years.

Now, just a minute.

You forget that lovely trip you took
to Minnesota.

Oh, that was a lot of fun.

I went to Mayo Brothers to have my
gallstones taken out.

You can yak all you want to.

You know as well as I do

that we can't afford this trip.

Those tickets cost money.

Oh, no, no, Fred!

We're getting a car and driving out.

Oh, you're buying a car, huh?
Yeah.

And the whole back seat is empty,

so you might as well come along.

How about it, Fred?

Well, it does seem like a cheap way
to go.

California, here we come!

Hooray!

That's great, Fred.

It'll practically be for nothing.

We'll each pay for half of the gas...

Pay for half the gas?!

New York, here we stay.

Well, I thought as long as you're
going,

you'll want to pay for half of the
expenses.

Well, I don't see why.

You're going anyway.

Well, when the front seat goes, the
back seat has to follow.

Well, I just thought...

Don't think I'm gonna pay for half
your trip.

Well, how do you like that?

All right now, fellas, don't lose
your tempers.

Oh, it's no use, Lucy.

I knew it was too good to last.

The only way I'll get a trip

is to stay right here in New York

and hope for another gallstone.

Gee, Ethel, I sure feel sorry for
you,

being married to such a pinch penny.

Well, you're not exactly married to
the horn of plenty.

What do you mean by that?

Well, for once, I think Fred is
right.

Why should you stick us for half your
gasoline?

Stick you? Well!

Now I know who holds the penny

while Fred pinches it!

That does it.

Yeah, we wouldn't go now if you
begged us!

Don't worry.
Come on, Fred.

Yeah, get out of our back seat.

Gladly.

How do you like that?
We got to go anyway.

We got to buy-- pay for the gas
anyhow.

Huh! Huh, huh!

Hey, hey, wait a minute.

Ricky?

Ricky, we are going anyway.

Hmm?

We do have to pay for the gas anyhow

and the back seat is empty.

How do you like that?

I think it's finally happened.

What has?

Well, I think that this time

I'm a tighter skate than Fred.

Huh?

My flint is skinnier than his.

Does that mean that you want them to
go?

Sure.

Oh! Oh, boy!

You'll really take us, Ricky?

Will you pay for half of the oil?

No, but I'll furnish all the water.

Oh, California, here we come.

Hi, girl.

Hi. Hi.

How's the baby?

Mrs. Trumbull took him over to the
park for a walk.

Did you buy a car?

No. No.

We looked at a hundred of them

and drove them all around the block.

If we'd been driving in a straight
line,

we'd be in California by now.

Oh, what a shame.

And all those ads in the paper
sounded so good, too.

Yeah, they sounded good, but you
should've seen them.

I slid in and out of so many car
seats, my pants are shiny.

Aw, Ricky.

Well, don't give up.

Fred may be able to help you.

Fred?
Yeah.

He's got a friend who's in the used
car business.

Now he tells us.

He never thought about it until after
you left.

RICKY: Oh, good. I'll call him.

Fred!

He and this guy are real pals.

They used to be in vaudeville
together,

so he ought to give you a good deal.

Fred!!

Oh, I'm sorry.

I didn't see you come in.

Listen, Lucy and Ricky didn't find a
car.

I can't hear you. My head's still
ringing.

Now what?

Lucy and Ricky didn't find a car.

They want to talk to your friend.

Yeah, listen, Fred.
Who is this fellow?

Well, it's Al Hergershimer.

He's got a lot over in Brooklyn.

You think he'll give us a good deal?

Sure. He says since it's me,

I can have any car on the lot at
wholesale price.

Hey, that sounds wonderful.

Yeah, we'd better go see him right
now.

No, no, no, no, no. I'd better go
over there alone, Rick.

Why?
Well, he probably has read

the paper about him becoming a movie
star.

Oh, The price will go up right away.

Yeah.

All right, you'd better go alone.

Now, you sure you know what we want?

A Cadillac convertible.

Yeah.

Good transportation at a reasonable
price.

Don't worry, just leave it to me.

Okay, now, look.
Take a good look at the tires.

It's a long trip to California.

Yeah, Fred, get a pretty color, will
ya?

Yeah.

And get a nice, big, roomy back seat.

Okay, now, wish me luck.

Okay. Okay.

Bye. So long.

So long.

Good transportation at a reasonable
price.

Yeah, well, sure.

Sure, we're just gonna take our time
driving out

and see the country.

Oh, isn't it wonderful?
I can hardly believe it myself.

Hey, would you like me to give a
message

to any of the g*ng out there?

You know, Clark or Cary or Van or
Marlon?

Oh, all right.

Tell Bill Holden that Marion Van
Vlack

saw Sabrina five times!

Well, he'll be delighted.


Lucy, Lucy, hang up. Yeah,
what?

I got something to tell you.
Oh.

I'll call you back, dear. Bye-bye.

What?
Fred just called me.

Yeah, what is it?

Well, wake up Ricky.
I want him to hear this, too.

Okay. Honey, honey, honey.

Huh? No, no, no.

No, Mr. Zanuck, no.

My price is a million dollars, Mr.
Zanuck.

Now, yes or no?
Make up your mind.

Shake him again.

Well, I kind of hate to wake him up
until he's made the deal.

Oh, Ricky!
Ricky, wake up!

What?! Wake up, Ricky!

Come on, Huh? come on.

What's the matter?
Yeah.

Fred just called me.

He's bought a car and he's on his way
home with it.

Bought it?!
What?!

Without showing it to us?

Well, he couldn't get you on the
phone

and he said there were two guys

were waiting just to snap it up.

What is it?
What kind is it?

It's a Cadillac.

A Cadillac!
What color?

Blue.

Oh, that'll be wonderful with my
hair!

Is it a convertible?

I don't know,

but he said it was just like
brand-new,

that paint's in good shape, the tires
are fine

and the top works perfectly.

The top. That means it's a
convertible.

Oh, sure.

A blue Cadillac convertible!

Oh, boy!

Eh, how-how-how much did it cost?

$ .

$ ?

For a Cadillac?

Oh, no, that...

Oh, that must be the down payment or
something.

Oh, well, maybe so.

I was so excited, I don't really
know.

Well, let's go downstairs and wait
for him, huh?

I'll get my coat Okay. and meet
you...

I wonder how much he really paid for
this.

Gee, I hope the baby gets back in
time to see it.

Oh, boy, a blue Cadillac convertible!

I wonder what's keeping him.

Gee, our first car.

I can hardly wait to see it.

I hope he got a good car.

It's a long trip to California.

Oh, it will be a good one.

I told you, this is a good friend of
Fred's.

That's good. Hey, here comes a
blue car.

And it's a Cadillac.

And isn't that Fred driving?

I don't think so.

Oh, it's a beauty and it's almost
brand-new.

Sure, that's Fred.

No.

Of course it is.

It's our car, and it's Fred driving.

Then how come it turned the corner?

Oh.

Oh...

Here comes a blue car!

Yeah.

Oh, that isn't a Cadillac, is it,
Ricky?

I don't think so.
I hope not.

That car must be seven or eight years
old.

We'll never get to California.

Well, what do you think of it?

Fred Mertz, this better be some kind
of a joke.

Joke?

This is a very fine car.

It is a Cadillac.

It is?

Yeah, it's a Cadillac all right.

And it is a convertible.

The top goes up and down.

Well, the doors work fine.

Fred, you really didn't pay bucks

for this hunk of junk?

Now, just for your information,

two other guys wanted to buy this
car.

Where were they from?
The Smithsonian Institute?

So, it isn't brand-new,

but it's better than one of those
flimsy jobs

off the assembly line.

They don't make them like this
anymore.

I can understand why.

Now, put that back.

Does this one come off, too?

You dropped something.

It's falling apart right in front of
our eyes.

Well, maybe the body does need a
little tightening,

but that engine is sound as a dollar.

Yeah? That's about all it's worth,
too.

I tell you, this car's in good shape,

and it drives beautifully.

Now jump in and I'll take you for a
spin.

Well, what have we got to lose?

Our lives, that's what.

Come on, get in, get in.

RICKY: All right, go on.

Get in.

Come on, let's hurry up and get out
of here

before we have to ride the engine
bareback.

Well... okay, here we go.

Just needs a little tune-up, that's
all.

Fred Mertz, you go right back to
Brooklyn

and get the money you paid for this
time b*mb.

Well, maybe it isn't everything he
said it was.

I'm sorry, Ricky. I hope I can get
your money back.

My money?!

Well, naturally, I didn't want to buy
a car.

Well, I didn't tell you to buy this
thing.

How about that, Ethel?

Don't come crying to me.

Anybody who's dumb enough to pay $
for this thing

deserves to lose the money.

Now, you go back to Brooklyn, and
don't you come home

until you've got our money in your
pocket.

Okay.

Have you got cents for the subway?

Gee, I felt sorry for Fred.

He looked so disappointed.

Yeah.

I wish there was some way that I
could help him, Ethel.

Oh, it serves him right.

Maybe it'll teach him a lesson.

You think they'll give him his money
back?

Well, if they don't, maybe he can
sell it to somebody.

Who?

Where are you going to find another
Fred?

Well, there must be somebody that
wants an old car like that.

Maybe a museum or something.

Well, maybe a television company or a
moving picture outfit

or something like that might be able
to use it...

Hey!

Hey!

How about calling Fred's used car pal

and telling him that we're a
television studio

and that we need a car like that?

And that we'll pay maybe as much
as... $ .

Oh, he'd buy it back from Fred in a
jiffy.

What's that guy's name?

Uh, Hergershimer.

I got the number.

Fred gave it to me in case I had to
call him.

Uh, Nevins - .

Lucy, I got to hand it to you.

You got a wonderful sneaky mind.

Well, thank you very much.

Hey, you let me...
better let me talk to him.

Where are you supposed to be from?

The Cuban Television Network?

Yeah. CBS.

The Cuban Broadcasting System.

(Ethel laughing) Oh...

Hello. Hello.

Um... I know this is no use.

I've made about a hundred phone
calls,

but, uh, we need a certain type of
automobile

for a television sketch that we're
doing.

Uh, yes, we need a... a Cadillac
touring car.

Uh, we don't have much money,

but, uh, we could pay $ .

Oh. Oh, you don't have one right
there,

but you know where you could get one?

Oh, that's wonderful.
Just a minute.

Oh, that's wonderful, Mr. O'Brien!

He knows where he can get one, Mr.
O'Brien!

(with Irish accent): Faith and
Begorra, that is good news!

Uh, yeah, would you, would you call
me back on that?

Uh, my name is McGillicuddy.

Uh, yes, I'm with the... (mumbling)

Television Company.

Yes, the telephone number is Murray
Hill - - - - ...

Yes.

Yes, will you call me right back?

Thank you.

He bit!

LUCY AND ETHEL: Hi, Fred.

Thought I was pretty dumb, huh?

Thought I couldn't make a decent
deal, huh?

ETHEL: What happened, Fred?

RICKY: What happened, Fred?

Well, I'll tell you what happened.

I no sooner walked on his lot,

then he wanted to buy the car back.

Well, you sold it back to him.

Just a minute. Just a minute.

He offered me $ .

Before I could say yes or no, he said
,

. He was so anxious, I got
suspicious.

But you sold it back to him.

Now, just a minute.
Let me tell you, will you?

When he got as high as $ ,

I said that's good enough for me.

So you sold it to him and made a
hundred dollars profit.

Why, you sly old dog.

Did you, Fred?

When he said $ , I said to him,

"Now, look, Al, I know you.

Come clean with me."

So, he admitted that

some television company was after the
car

and had offered $ .

They left their telephone number with
them,

so that gave us $ profit.

We decided to split.

Oh, so he gave you the $ .

Well, not exactly. I gave him another
hundred

and he gave me the telephone number.

("I Love Lucy" theme song playing)

ANNOUNCER: I Love Lucy is a Desilu
Production.

Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz

will be back next week at this same
time.
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