09x12 - The Other Man

[bunniefuu]

FRANKIE: There's a lot of firsts
in people's lives...

first tooth, first birthday, first steps,

first day of school,
and first day of a real job.

[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS]

Whaaaaat are you doing?

I knew you wouldn't let me take
your picture in the morning,

so I thought I'd do it now.

Oh, and since you're up,
will you hold this sign?

- [CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS]
- Ow! Stop!

You're gonna wake Brick up.
His dream world is all he's got.

No, Brick fell asleep on the couch again.

Your dad had on basketball.
Knocked him right out.

So, I know you're, like, a sales
rep for a plumbing company,

but do you drive around
and sell plumbing stuff,

or do you have to call people?

It helps me to brag about your
new job if I know what it is.

I don't know.

I know I'm training
with some guy named Dwayne

for a couple weeks.
He's gonna show me the ropes.

Aww! Look at you all grown up!

[CHUCKLES]

Hey, you want me to rub your
back like when you were little?

No!

Actually, okay.

Oh, ho, ho, ho.

So, we never had a chance

to talk about the New Year's Eve party.

I know you were at your Grandpa's,

but let's just say things happened.

Look, lot of weird stuff
went down on New Year's.

I don't get it. I'll never get it.

I don't want to get it.
Staying out of it.

Okay, okay.

Hey, you want me to make you
a lunch for tomorrow?

Mom, like I told you
the first day of first grade,

get out of my room.

[CHUCKLES] Oh.

♪

PB&J! Crust on, no note.

Well, it's my first day. Maybe a note.

[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS]

Twist right. [GRUNTS]

So, Sean never called
or texted or anything

since New Year's Eve?

No. And why would he?

I mean, the last thing he saw
was me kissing Aidan.

[SIGHS] I don't know.

Maybe Hecks and Donahues just
aren't meant to be together.

Hey, at least you got kissed
on New Year's.

That's one more kiss than I got,

if you don't count the old lady
who thought I was Clay Aiken.

Oh. "BTdubs," Aidan's
nothing to sneeze at.

- He's really cute. Twist left.
- Yeah.

No, no, no, he's totally cute,
and we have fun together.

But, you know, Sean's kiss
was like, "Ahh!"

And Aidan's kiss is like, "Eh."

Listen to me, you are years
too young to settle for "eh."

Until things start sagging,
you hold out for "ah."

[SIGHS] You're right,
you're right. I know.

If I'm not feeling it with
Aidan, I should end things now.

[SIGHS] It's not fair
to string him along.

- Mm.
- [GROANS]

It's just you know how terrible
I am at breaking up with people.

I mean, look at me with Jeremy.

- Mm.
- And this is what's sad...

the guys that want me, I don't want,

and the guy I want disappears
after kissing me.

Well, no one's gonna kiss you

with that little pity-party
you're throwing yourself.

So lace up your big-girl
breakup boots and get 'er done.

Right.

AXL: We just walked out with the account,

and all because I noticed
the owner was a Cub fan.

Dwayne was blown away.

Man, that's great.

On the first day. I can't believe it!

What? Can't believe what?

And then he says he doesn't think

I'm gonna even need the whole
two weeks of training.

Says I could be flying solo by Thursday.

That's my boy.

So, tell me all about it.
Start at the beginning.

Uch. I am fried.
I just told Dad the whole story.

- He'll tell you.
- No, he won't.

Probably not.

Just tell me what Dwayne said.

Look it's all good, all right?

I'm gonna crash.
Thanks for the advice, Dad.

More where that came from.

Yeah, I'm here if you need me.

I-I'm in sales, too.

Today I sold some guy teeth
whitening that he didn't need.

Oh, once, I accidentally sold a c...

[DOOR SLAMS]

♪

Tell him later.

[UPBEAT POP-ROCK MUSIC PLAYS]

♪

Thank you!

[TEPID APPLAUSE]

Thank you. Your smattering of
applause if why we do it.

[CHUCKLES] Hey, come on, guys.

- Oh!
- [GASPS]

- [FEEDBACK]
- Oh. [SIGHS]

Uch. Brad, my stomach is all fluttery...

and not the good kind
like when you realize

you're the only one on the ballot

- for Youth Group Treasurer.
- Mm.

Maybe this isn't the right time
to break up with him.

Or maybe it's the perfect time.

Maybe he just hit his head so hard

he won't remember he likes you.

- Ohh.
- AIDAN: Hey, guys.

Sue, you remember Luke?
Brad, this is our drummer.

Well, the sticks probably gave it away.

[CHUCKLES] Luke, this is Brad.

How's it going?

Good. Really good.

Well, we played three whole hours,

so let's go cash in our drink coupon.

- Be right back.
- Okay.

Bye. [CHUCKLES]

- [INHALES SHARPLY]
- You can't break up with him.

Mm?

What? Brad, you were the one who told me

to break it off with Aidan.

Now you're telling me I can't?

Um, hello? Did you not see his friend?

'Cause I did. He is adorable.
Come on, Sue.

You just have to go out
with Aidan a little longer

so I can get to know
this Luke guy a little better.

No, Brad, I couldn't do that to Aidan.

[SCOFFS] Just wouldn't be right.

Please? You owe me.

Oh, I can't believe
there's a hot gay drummer

in Aidan's band.
And you kept it to yourself.

Oh, well, I don't know.

I didn't want to be that kind of
person who was like,

"You're gay, he's gay,
therefore I should set you up."

Why not? Sue, Gumford is not exactly

the Fire Island of Indiana.

It's slim pickings out there.

Sorry. I didn't know the protocol.

Ah, so you're really ready
to start dating?

Of course I am.
It's just tough in college.

All the good gay guys are taken by girls.

- Ah, yeah.
- In New York, it was easier.

But you get outside of New York,

and there's still places that
wouldn't bake me a wedding cake.

That is just not right, Brad.
Everybody deserves cake.

- Thank you.
- Okay.

I'm not gonna break it off
with Aidan just yet,

but I feel like he's just gonna
look at my face

and know that something is up.

Sue, you were the Girl
in the Well at Dollywood,

and you audited two
student-taught improv classes.

Don't let that top-notch
training go to waste.

Yeah. Okay.

- Mm!
- Oh, my God!

[MIKE AND AXL LAUGHING]

Oh, there you guys are.
I was starting to get worried.

Yeah, well, Axl texted and said
that he had a sales call

on Route , and I was right there.

Yeah, and then Dad
texted me back and said,

"Meet me at Goobers.
It's fried fish night."

Who's saying no to that?

Well, I guess you have to
get a chance to say no.

Anyway, I'm glad you guys are
getting each other's texts.

I guess you missed mine where
I said, "Mike, where are you?

Are we getting dinner?
Do you know where Axl is?"

And, Axl, I texted you.
"Axl, where are you?

Are we getting dinner?
Do you know where your dad is?"

Uh, though you probably
didn't hear your phones.

Goobers is loud.
But I'm glad you guys had fun.

Yeah, we did... once we got
out of the parking lot.

Oh, what happened in the parking lot?

- Um...
- Nothing.

It'd take too long to explain.

- I got time.
- Uh, no, he's right.

- You had to be there.
- Yeah, but I wasn't there.

That's why I need you to tell me.

Eh, it's an inside joke.

[SIGHS]

They're all inside jokes to me.

Well, Luke, um, I don't
know if you know this,

but Brad is actually also a performer.

He is an amazing singer/dancer.

Isn't that right, Brad?

Anyway, um, if I can speak for Brad...

which apparently I have to... [LAUGHS]

Brad has an amazing voice.

He is the star of
our no-cut a cappella group.

I mean, it's no cut,
but even if it were cut,

he would make the cut. [LAUGHS]

It's like they think
red pepper is so dangerous

they have to make it impossible to open.

- [GASPS] Aah!
- Oh, my God.

Oh, I'm so sorry, Sue.

No, don't touch it!

Uh, if I just [CLEARS THROAT]
keep my eye closed,

I'll be fine.

[CHUCKLES] No, anyway...
Nope, not working.

- Got to get water involved.
- Go, go, go, go.

- [BREATHING SHARPLY]
- Ohh.

Sue, I'm so sorry.

[WATER RUNNING]

Oh, sh**t. Aidan. We got to go.

We're gonna be late
for our gig at Sig Ep.

I don't know. I should
probably stay here with Sue.

No. No, no, no.

Uh, go. Go, go. You need that $ .

♪

[DOOR OPENS]

[CHUCKLES]

[DOOR CLOSES]

Brad, what is the matter with you?!

What?

You were so boring! Where is Brad?

You were like the shell of Brad
with no Brad inside.

Oh, I'm sorry.
When I get nervous, I shut down.

The same thing happens to me

when I get around my improv coach.

He was David James Elliott's
stunt double on "JAG."

Yeah, that "JAG."

Okay, well, I have practically
lost % of the vision

in one of my eyes, so if you're
not gonna start bringing it

and get this thing going with Luke,

I am going to tell Aidan the truth.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Just give me a little more time.

[SIGHS] Have I told you
you're the most amazing person

and I would be lost without you?

- Yeah, save it for Luke.
- Okay.

♪

[TELEVISION PLAYS]

And with that,
they are now up by points.

Hey. Whatcha doing?

'Cause I was thinking

we could finally start
"The Walking Dead."

Oh, yeah. Sorry.

I'm already about seven
episodes in with Axl.

What?

I have been waiting for you.

We've been talking about
watching this for months.

I know, but you and I
could never figure out

- how to make the thing come on.
- [SIGHS]

And then Axl came and fiddled with it,

and, next thing we know,
we were watching it.

I can't believe you didn't come get me.

Well, sorry.
We didn't know where you were.

- We couldn't find you.
- [SCOFFS] Really?

'Cause the house is like five feet wide.

Okay, we didn't try.

But, hey, now you don't
have to worry about me.

Just watch it whenever you feel like it.

[SIGHS]

So, Mike and Axl had
found each other again,

and I was genuinely happy for them...

until I wasn't.

[DOOR CLOSES] I was like, "That's a
really hairy armadillo, my friend."

[CHUCKLES]
He didn't even know what to say.

Ooh, Taco Jason's. What'd you get me?

Uh...

Seriously?

W... You weren't with us.
We didn't think.

It was really just a last-minute thing.

It's : , and you didn't
bother to check in.

You just went to Taco Jason's

and got something for yourselves.

[MUFFLED] We didn't
know you'd want anything.

[SIGHS] Okay. Fine.

Let's just clear up any confusion.

In the future, if you are
ever out somewhere

getting food at dinnertime,
I would like to be included.

And while we're at it,
if I am ever drowning

in the ocean, please pull me out.

And if you ever step over what
appears to be my dead body,

please take my pulse.

Want some of my burrito?

No, I don't want the burrito!
It's too spicy.

I like the Quesadilla Gringo,

which I would have ordered if
anybody had bothered to call me.

♪

So, I was the understudy for Snoopy.

I didn't get the lead.

But then, the guy who got it got busted

for stealing a can of SlimFast
at the drugstore.

So he's being arraigned,
and guess who got the part.

If you're gonna guess me, you'd be right.

Oh. Oh, hey, Brad, why don't
I take the cup of coffee

and you take my nice relaxing
cup of chamomile tea.

Ooh, I love chamomile tea!
Actually, I love all teas.

Chamomile. Chamomile.
That's a weird word, isn't it?

My grandma always drinks chamomile.

[CHUCKLES] Do you have
a grandma? I love my grandma.

- I also think she really...
- Look out.

- [GASPS]
- Dude, watch it!

Can you believe that?

[GASPS] Oh, oh.

Ohh.

[GASPING]

[MUFFLED] Ugh. So, he took
me to the emergency room

because my nose wouldn't stop bleeding.

And then, when we were leaving,
he shut the door on my hand.

- Oh, my God.
- Yeah, it's getting bad, Brad.

What's the deal with Luke?
Are you making any progress?

'Cause I got to break up
with Aidan before he kills me.

I'm trying. I just get
so nervous around him.

I got to find my sweet spot...
somewhere between total shutdown

and blathering on about proper
tap-shoe maintenance.

- Why didn't you stop me?
- I tried!

Okay, look, Brad, if you would
just be yourself,

I know he would love you.

Oh, I know, I know!

I just can't tell
if he's being nice to me

'cause I'm your friend
or 'cause he's interested.

I just need a few more days
to suss him out.

I may not have a few more days!

We are going to a fondue
restaurant tomorrow.

That is fire and pokey forks.

Ugh!

You hungry? Let's go grab some dinner.

What? Hold on. Me and you?

Just the two of us?

Yeah. Where you want to go?

Oh. Um, I would love a burger.

And there's a new place
Hole Lotta Burger,

but they spell it H-O-L-E

because there's a hole in the middle

and they fill it with cheese.

Get it? The "hole" has two meanings.

I get it. Let's go. Let's do it.

Grab your purse. You're paying.

Okay, just got to get out of these scrubs

and put on a fresh layer
of deodorant, and I'm ready.

Meet you in the car.

Hey. Look who just got home.

Let's go! I'm starving!

But, Axl, you're in my seat.

Mom, don't make a big deal.

The seat belt works better
up here, and I'm young.

Let's just go.

[SIGHS] Fine. Fine.

[CLEARS THROAT] I'm starving, too.

Just get a burger in my mouth,
and I will be happy.

No! I had a burger for lunch.

I want Chinese.

He had a burger for lunch.

Wait a minute.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

I thought we agreed on burgers?

You lost the popular vote, Mom,
two to one. Get over it.

I'm sorry. Was I talking to you?

No, I was talking to my husband.
Are you my husband?

[WHISPERING LOUDLY] Mike,

I thought it was gonna be
me and you and burgers.

He's the one horning in here.

Yeah, Frankie, he lost an account today.

- He feels bad.
- Well, how would I know that?

I... Nobody ever tells me anything.

You guys come home from work

and get in your little
clubhouse, and I'm invisible.

Dad says he wants Chinese.

Yeah, oh, did he? Did you say that, Mike?

'Cause five minutes ago,

you couldn't wait
to try the new burger place.

But all of a sudden,
your little backup singer

says you'd rather have Chinese so...

Oh, my God! There she goes again!

The great ruiner, ruining
everything fun in her path.

Mom, Dad and I have had tough days.

We want egg rolls. Just let it happen!

[SIGHS] Hey, Axl. Come on.

What if we got you an order
of those dumplings you like?

I don't want dumplings! I want a burger!

That's why I am going
to Hole Lotta Burger...

not because the name is clever
and makes me laugh,

but because that was the plan.

You stick with the plan!

- Frankie...
- No, I've had it.

I don't need you guys.
I don't need any of this.

Have fun on your date.

♪

[SIGHS]

Hey! Look who's here! It's Brick.

See? I've got Brick,
and we're very close.

- Hey, buddy!
- [CHUCKLES]

So while you and Axl are
"bro-ing" around out there,

Brick and I will be out, too,

having fun and making
our own inside jokes.

He's my backup singer,

and we're gonna go out to dinner
and have ice cream...

Uh, I have a lot of homework.

[SIGHS] So you guys go
and do whatever you want.

And while you're slurping
your Don's Oriental noodles

like "Lady and the Tramp,"
just know that Brick and I

will be at the new burger place,

enjoying a "Down the Rabbit Hole."

I don't even know what that is,

but I'm very excited to find out!

I'd rather have Chinese.

Brick.

- All right!
- [APPLAUSE]

Okay, Brad.

I am only just now starting
to get vision back in my eye,

and I would like to keep it, so
you better ask Luke out tonight.

I know. I got this.

The problem before
was I hadn't rehearsed,

didn't give myself business,
some kind of space work.

So I'm gonna casually
suggest a game of pool.

Then I'll joke that,
if I make the next sh*t,

- Luke has to go out with me.
- Oho!

That's good. And you're sure
you can make the sh*t?

Oh, yeah. I'm a pool shark.

That's the one thing my dad
and I do together...

that and awkward silences.

Hey, babe.

[CHUCKLES]

Or Sue. [CHUCKLES] I also go by just Sue.

I mean, I answer to both, but,
uh, I answer to "Sue" more.

Right.

Oh, look! A pool table.

How about, uh, me and Sue against...

oh, right, you and Aidan?

Cool. I'll break.

[GASPS] Oh!

- Oh.
- Oh, my God.

S-Sue, I-I really didn't...

- Ohh!
- Oh, my God.

I'm so sorry. H-Help!

Can I get some help here?

Aah! [PANTING]

Oh.

Mom, I'm tired.

We've been driving around for an hour.

Can we just go home?

No.

Then are we going to get ice cream?

You said something about ice cream.

No, I just said that to make
your dad and Axl

feel like they're missing something.

I don't think that's going to happen.

I'm pretty low on the totem pole.

- [SIGHS]
- So then what are we doing?

I don't know, Brick.

All I know is we have to have
fun, lots and lots of fun,

and then rub their noses in it.

Come on, there's got to be something

that you can share with me
that we can bond over,

you know, like an anecdote or a secret

that you wouldn't tell anybody else...

preferably something
we can be laughing about

when we walk back through that door.

I got a B-plus on my geometry test.

[SIGHS] Yawn. Come on, "wow" me, Brick.

- I was reading a book about...
- Don't even.

Am I being kidnapped and used as a pawn?

'Cause I'm really confused
about what's happening here.

[SIGHS]

I'm sorry, Brick.

[SIGHS]

It's just that your dad and Axl

are like two little peas in a pod,

and, well, I don't know.

Lately, I've just been feeling

like there's no room for me
in that pod, like I'm out.

You know, I'm...
I'm invisible to the family.

Oh. I know.

No, no, no. This is different.

Is it?

They didn't bring me food
from Taco Jason's either.

But I sucked it up, had a bowl
of mayonnaise, and went to bed.

Mom, can I give you some advice?

As a person who's been
shoved aside and ignored

most of his life,

I realized it's important
not to dwell on the negative.

If I let stuff get me down,

like having only one friend

or everybody missing all my birthdays

or having no one show up to
my parent-teacher conferences

or everybody rolling their eye...

Okay, I got it, Brick.

I don't take it personally.

The truth is, if you go through life

expecting other people
to make things good for you,

you're gonna be disappointed.

And the only person you can
depend on is yourself.

And I guess I'm lucky
'cause I like myself.

So whenever I'm with myself, I'm happy.

I've never once let myself down.

[SIGHS]

I have.

All right. Well, that's
something to work on.

Now, let's say we go get you that burger.

♪

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

Oh, my God. Sue, how are you?

Or more importantly, how am I?
Thanks for asking. I'm great.

- Oh, really?
- Oh, better than great.

After we carried you to the car,

the crisis had sort of bonded us.

So I asked Luke if he wanted to
grab a drink, and he said yes.

- Ooh!
- Ha! So we went down the street

to Eskimo Joe's, and we talked for hours.

[GASPS] Oh, my God! Brad!

Oh, that is so great.
Oh, I'm so happy for you.

Luke seems like a really nice guy.

Oh, he is. And I was able to be
myself and everything.

So, anyway, you are finally
free to cut Aidan loose.

Actually, I'm not so sure about that.

Wait. What?

Yeah, I don't know. He kissed me tonight,

and I have to say,
it wasn't so much "eh."

It was more like "ahh."

And that's not the head injury talking?

No, no, the thing is, I realized
Aidan is just like me.

He tries really hard like me.
He's klutzy like me.

- Mm.
- Maybe this is

like one of those romantic-comedy movies

when I am pining away
after the unobtainable guy

when the perfect guy is right
under my nose the whole time.

[SIGHS] I-I feel like
I should give Aidan a chance.

Wow.

[CHUCKLES] I'm dating Luke,
you're dating Aidan.

This is the beginning
of "Bruke" and "Saidan."

Ooh. [GASPS] That's too much like Satan.

I'll work on it.

"Aidue."

Oh. Ooh. That's good.

Ahh!

Mmm! Okay.

That was pretty good,

but I still want to try
the holey burger place.

Yeah. Maybe, next time,
we don't drive around so long

that when we get there it's closed.

Mm.

Oh, yeah, right over here.

What's this?

I got you a little something.

You got me a piece of birthday cake?

No, I got you seven...

[CHUCKLES] one for every
birthday I've missed.

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

♪ Happy birthday, dear Brick ♪

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

[APPLAUSE, LAUGHTER]

[BLOWING]

You know, Brick, I may have
blown some birthdays,

but you're never ignored in my heart.

I know.

All right.

Do I have to have the carrot cake?

I'm not a fan.

No. We'll just eat the frosting off it

and take it home to your dad and Axl.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

- Ooh. I want...
- Let's see.

- Try that one?
- Yes.

- I'll try this one.
- All right. It's colorful.

Axl, come on! Let's go!
Game starts in minutes.

Sorry, Dad. Lexie just called,

and she's back from Colorado. See ya!

[TELEVISION PLAYING]

Here.

- Okay.
- [SIGHS]

This is "Outlander."

I'm pretty deep into it,
but I think you can catch up.

That's Claire,
and she's a World w*r II nurse

who magically falls through stones
into -something England.

How can she fall through stones?

They're not porous.

Some women do a fairy dance,
and it just happens.

Just watch it. You'll like it.

There's battle scenes,
and men fight with swords.

You know, it's silly to get jealous

of people in your family.

So they love each other more one week.

You know, the next week,

they're just gonna do something
to piss each other off.

But the point is, I played it cool,

and now I have my husband back.

♪

Do you have to sit so close?
There's a whole big couch here.