02x11 - Midnight Train to Royston

[bunniefuu]

[CROWD CHANTING] Go, Sam Obisanya...

[ARLO] Today has been all about one man.

[WHISTLE BLOWS]

Take a bow, Sam Obisanya.

The first hat trick of his career.

Three goals for Obisanya.

Three points for Richmond as their
incredible run of form continues.

They will now enter
the final match of the season

one win away from promotion
back to the Premier League.

An incredible turnaround.

Thataway, Sam!

[ARLO] What a performance by
the young Nigerian, Chris.

[CHRIS] It's exciting to see
a young player

realizing his potential, Arlo.

One more, one more. One more.

[CHUCKLES] All right,
bro. See you later.

See you later. All right. Peace.

- [YELLS, LAUGHS]
- Yeah.

- Bravo, Sam.
- Three goals.

- All right. See you later.
- That's gold. That's it, dude.

- Congratulations, Sam. Well done.
- Aw. Thank you, Liza.

- [CHUCKLES] See you later.
- [CELL PHONE BEEPS]

[SIGHS]

Well done, matey.

[SIGHS]

- Wish me luck.
- [ENGINE REVS]

[MAN] Watch out!

[THEME MUSIC PLAYS]

I can't believe it's happening.

The whole idea of it has got me
going like... [SHRIEKS]

Oh, stop. You getting all... [SHRIEKS]

... is just fear getting in the way
of what you deserve.

Are you making fun of me
with my... [SHRIEKS]

Of course not.

It's just, you went... [SHRIEKS]

And I thought I can't improve on that.

I'm just gonna have to replicate it.

Aw, thank you. [CHUCKLES]

- [KNOCKING]
- Bing-bong, you ding-dongs.

- Ted.
- Yeah?

Guess who is going to be featured
in Vanity Fair's business issue

as a powerful woman on the rise.

I finally got it? This is incredible!

- Ted.
- Yeah?

Not you. Keeley.

Oh, that makes more sense.
Hey, congrats, Keeley.

That's gonna be a Vanity Fair
to remember.

Oh, it's just an honor
to be mad fit and successful.

Yeah.

[BOTH SHRIEK]

[SHRIEKS]

So, ladies, I'm here
both to give and receive.

Dr. Sharon's last day is tomorrow,

and we're all chipping in
to get her something special.

- What did you decide on? Oh.
- An envelope of cash.

You know, I figured she already
has all our deep, dark secrets.

Kinda tough to top that with a
scarf and a candle, you know?

Right.

- Yeah. Whatever you got.
- Oh. Let's see.

Oh, you know what? Here you go.

- Lovely. Thank you. Oh.
- [CHUCKLES]

[TED] Oh. Yeah.

Yeah. It all spends the same.

- All right. Appreciate you.
- [KNOCKING]

- Hello, people.
- [TED, KEELEY] Higgins!

Leslie.

I just received an email
from Edwin Akufo,

and he wants to speak with you, Rebecca.

Okay.

Who is Edwin Akufo?

His father owns
the largest tech firm in Ghana.

Wait a second. I thought I did.

Until he d*ed last month.

I apologize for my joke.

Edwin just inherited £ . billion
and loves football.

Mmm.

And?

And I think he wants to buy the club.

Hi. Uh, got the suit Ted bought
you back from the dry cleaners.

Oh, it's my suit.

The second Ted gave it to me,

ownership transferred,
and it became my suit, Will.

Right.

Oi, are my eyebrows crazy?

I've gotta do a photo sh**t
with Keeley tonight,

and the photo sh**t coordinator
told me my eyebrows are crazy.

Jesus, are my eyebrows crazy?

They wanna do a "at home
with the footballer boyfriend" sh*t.

Bet they won't even use it.

She also told me I've gotta wear
all black so that Keeley pops.

- Wh... You're always wearing black.
- This isn't black.

This is dark heather charcoal.

Ooh, I love hearing fellas debate
fashion. Who's winning?

Oh, um, Ted, can I run
a new tactic by you?

Yeah, you can run it, walk it,
cartwheel it to me. I don't care.

Call me Dumbo, 'cause I'm all ears.

- Is that a yes?
- Yes.

Okay. Um, when we play Brentford,
we should play with a false nine.

- Couldn't agree more. What is that?
- Play without strikers.

Okay. Wait, so Jamie and
Dani ain't gonna play?

They do, but they play in midfield
where no one expects them to be.

- Yeah.
- I see.

Okay, so we got both our aces
tucked up our sleeves, huh?

- [CLICKS TONGUE]
- Love that. That's fun.

Okay, today let's go ahead
and try out your fake nine.

False nine.

- Hey, this looks very nice.
- Thank you.

[SIGHS] Here we go again.

Give Ted yet another idea
he'll take all the credit for.

- [NATHAN SIGHS]
- That's the job, son.

[INHALES SHARPLY] Do you guys
ever wanna be in charge?

Be the boss?

Get all the credit?

You know, we used to believe that

trees competed with
each other for light.

Suzanne Simard's field work
challenged that perception,

and we now realize that
the forest is a socialist community.

Trees work in harmony
to share the sunlight.

Can't you just give me
a straight answer for once?

I think he just did.

Right. When this works, which it will,

I'm telling everyone it was
my idea, which it was.

[SIGHS]

Your eyebrows aren't crazy.

Thank you.

They're psychotic.

I appreciate that.

They can't maintain their lines.

- [SIGHS]
- These guys are just not in sync.

It's okay.

Oh, hell no. No, no. Hey,
hey. [BLOWS WHISTLE]

No. No, no. Guys, come on.
That ain't gonna cut it.

Y'all gotta be together on this,
all right? It's like this.

You may hate me,
but it ain't no lie. Yeah?

Then the hands. Bye,
bye, bye. All right?

And watch my jumps. Ain't no lie.

See how I'm jumping?
Like I'm a marionette.

That's why this song is on the album
No Strings Attached, all right?

- [TEAM MURMURS]
- [TED] Yes. Okay, good.

Now, look, fellas, performing this
at Doc's going-away party

ain't gonna mean Bo Jackson diddly squat

unless she can tell
how hard we worked on it.

You know what I mean?

It ain't the execution.
That ain't the gift. It's the effort.

Yeah? Okay? You see what I mean?

- [SIRENS BLARE]
- [ENGINES APPROACHING]

Uh-oh.

[HELICOPTER APPROACHING]

Okay.

Okay.

[CHUCKLES, SIGHS]

My most sincere apologies.

I was told your training
would be finished by now.

Oh, that's okay. Hakuna
matata, right? [CHUCKLES]

[CHUCKLES]

Oh, I'm sorry. That was
kind of r*cist, wasn't it?

Oh, you know, uh, Timon
and Pumbaa are cartoons.

- So I'll let it slide.
- Hey, I appreciate you.

So, you must be Edwin Akufo, huh?

- Yeah, I am.
- I'm Ted Lasso.

Uh, so I don't shake hands.

But I have someone
who does. Uh, Francis.

- Oh. Hi.
- Yes.

[SPEAKING TWI]

Whoo, whoo!

That is one of the best handshakes
I've ever hand shook right there.

Firm yet comforting, you know, like a

weighted blanket for my hand toes.

So, I bet you're looking to chop
it up with Miss Welton, yeah?

Uh, if that's not impossible.

Well, you say impossible,
but all I hear is "I'm possible".

[TED CHUCKLES]

Makes more sense when written down.

- Ah, okay.
- Yeah.

- Right this way, fellas.
- Thank you.

- Take it from here?
- If it's gotta be me.

Mm-hmm.

Okay, Greyhounds,
now let's get in formation!

Will, here we go!

["BYE BYE BYE" PLAYING ON CELL PHONE]

Five, six, seven, eight.

Come on.

Good.

Hit this.

[PANTING]

That was it!

[TEAM CHEERS, WHOOPS]

[PLAYER] Yes!

I cannot tell you how much I admire

what your club has done this season.

You know, relegation
destroys some teams,

but it's only seemed to
have made yours stronger.

That's all 'cause of
the boss right here.

Trickle-down economics may stink,

but trickle-down support
smells like pizza,

roses and, I assume, Viola Davis.

I do care about this club, Mr. Akufo.

Very much.

That's why I'll cut
straight to the point

and tell you that
I'm not interested in selling.

Oh, I'm not trying to buy your club.

- Oh.
- Oh.

I'm interested in buying
one of your players.

Sam Obisanya.

But Rebecca loves Sam.

Yeah, we all love Sam.

Exactly.

Also, uh, Sam is under contract
with us for another three years.

Yes, I understand.

Therefore, I would offer you
a generous transfer fee

of so much money that people
would think I'm crazy,

and you've taken advantage of me,

in a financial, non-sexual
way, of course.

- [CHUCKLES]
- [HIGGINS] Ah.

I believe he's making you
an offer you can't refuse.

Oh, Godfather, I see you.

Well, I'm refusing an
offer he can't make.

- Is that a quote from the third movie?
- [MUTTERS]

I just have one question.

What club is it that you actually own?

Oh, I don't.

At least, not one I can talk about yet.

But it is a team in Africa,

and I figured that Sam might appreciate

the opportunity to play near his family.

You know, his home.

Well, gosh dang it. Now I wish
we had two Sams, you know?

One for y'all and one for us.

Where are we at with cloning
these days, by the way?

Them Scottish folks have been
mighty quiet on that front for a while,

which means we gotta be close, right?

Yeah, well, like my father used to say,

a sad white man is still a white man.

Word.

All I'm asking is for
an opportunity to speak to Sam.

Maybe let him decide for himself, yes?

- Yes.
- [KNOCKS]

Oh, uh, I hope I'm not interrupting.

Ah, perfect timing.

Sam, this is Edwin Akufo.

Oh, he doesn't like to shake...

[CHUCKLES]

Mr. Akufo would like to speak with you.

I figure we could, uh,
maybe go to a museum,

have something to eat.

Uh, sure. [CHUCKLES]

Ah, wonderful. After you.

Okay.

It's lovely to meet you all.

- Bye.
- You too.

[DOOR CLOSES]

So strange.

I once wrote a play about a billionaire

who took a footballer
to a museum and then dinner.

- Whoa.
- [CHUCKLES]

What happens in the play?

Well, they get their meal for free

because they found
a little bit of glass in the pasta.

[REBECCA] Ooh.

[HIGGINS CHUCKLES]

God, I wish I could write fiction.

[HIGGINS] Oh, thank you, Keeley.

You know, I should revisit that work.

- [KEELEY] Yeah.
- [HIGGINS] Hmm.

[HUMS]

- Hi.
- [GASPS]

- [GASPS] No.
- [SIGHS]

- Sorry. You got me.
- [CHUCKLES]

Wow, I didn't expect you to be here.

- No, me neither.
- [BOTH CHUCKLE]

What can I do for you?

Well, um,

I just wondered if you'd mind
helping me pick out a fancy suit?

Abso-f*cking-lutely.
Perfect timing, actually.

I've gotta pick up some outfits
for this photo sh**t I'm doing.

Come with.

- What, now?
- Now.

Let's go k*ll two birds with one stone.

All right, yeah. Let's go...
m*rder some birds with a rock.

- [LAUGHS] That was good.
- [CHUCKLES]

- Yeah?
- Yeah!

- I got att*cked by a bird once.
- Did you?

Young man, I think you're late for class

by about years.

[LAUGHING]

Would you like a lollipop?

No.

It's Coach Kent, which can only mean

nobody told him it's a half-day and

Phoebe's mom picked her up hours ago.

Fu...

... n.

That's fun, innit?

Okay. See you later.

Mm-hmm. I always thought this was

what the teachers did when we went home.

Art fundraiser tonight.

For quid, you can buy a kid's art.

For , I'll send it home with you
already in a rubbish bin.

That's a solid business model.

Which one of these is Phoebe's?

Oh, I won't be able to display
Phoebe's artwork.

Why not?

Oh, no.

She draws ti...

Unnervingly accurate charcoal
sketches of breasts, yes.

There were more, but some
of the boys stole them

and I think are using them as currency.

Bloody hell.

Nice.

- Do you need a hand?
- Yep. [CHUCKLES]

[CELL PHONE BEEPS]

Unless you need to go. [CHUCKLES]

No, I got time.

Oh.

[HENRY] It's show-and-tell today.

Should I bring my Jamie Tartt
jersey or my LEGO Hogwarts?

Mmm. I gotta go with
the Jamie Tartt jersey

for fear of how Hogwarts
might travel, you know?

Good thinkin', Abe Lincoln.

Hey, buddy, I gotta let you go, okay?

Have a great day at school. I love you.

- [HENRY] Love you.
- [DOOR CLOSES]

Hey, boss. What's up?

Right, I'm just gonna
come out and say it.

I had a torrid affair with Sam.

- [HENRY] Dad, I'm still on.
- Oh, uh...

Hey, uh, sorry about that.

- Okay, I'll talk to you later.
- Bye, Dad.

Uh... Yeah.

Um, okay, so let's see.

- You and...
- Sam.

... uel L. Jackson?

- Obisanya.
- Right, okay. Just checking.

Um, okay, well, you know,
I think that's great.

Hold on.

Wait. No...

Yes. Yeah, I do. No,
I think that's fine.

- I think I need to end it.
- Sure, I can see that.

I mean, I asked him for a bit
of time to figure things out.

Mm-hmm.

And now we're in
a bit of a limbo situation.

Great party game,
horrible relationship status.

And then Edwin Akufo swoops in
to take him away,

and I've lost all objectivity.

Hmm.

[SIGHS] Sam's a really great player.

One of the best we got.

[SIGHS] But do I want him to stay
because of my feelings for him?

Good question.

- I mean, we really were great together.
- I mean, come on.

Sam and Rebecca are already one
of my all-time favorite TV couples.

To have one of them in real life?
[WHISTLES] Yes, please.

But if he wants to go,
I shouldn't stand in his way.

I could not agree more.

But if I let him go, I might
regret it for the rest of my life.

Ooh, turns out, I could agree more.

[CHUCKLES]

Mmm.

Well, Rebecca.

[CLEARS THROAT] Listen to me.

Don't listen to me.

Don't listen to Edwin Akufo.

Don't even listen to Sam.

You just listen to your gut, okay?

And on your way down to your gut,
check in with your heart.

Between those two things,
they'll let you know what's what.

They make good harmony,

like two-thirds of Bone Thugs-N-Harmony,
you know what I mean?

[BREATHES HEAVILY]

Thank you, Ted.

You know, boss, you're starting
to develop a bit of a habit.

- Am I?
- Oh, yeah.

Same time, same place last year,

you dropped another truth b*mb on me.

- See you next year.
- I can't wait.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

[GASPS] Oh, my God. That's so
good, I can't even look at you.

[LAUGHS] Thanks, Jacques-o.

Oi, how you doing in there, babe?

[NATHAN] God, this place
is so posh. [CHUCKLES]

Feel like I'm not supposed to be here.

I mean, this place is for rich twats

who piss away all their money
on an outfit they only wear once.

[NATHAN CHUCKLES]

But, Nate, today you are
one of those twats.

[CHUCKLES] I quite like that.

- Oh, this is so much fun.
- Yeah.

Roy never does this stuff with me.

- He's always like, "I'm Roy Kent".
- [CHUCKLES]

"Why do I need to go shopping?

I already own a black
T-shirt and jeans".

- [LAUGHS]
- [KEELEY GROWLS]

This is yes.

- Oh.
- But I'm worried about the crotch.

Does the crotch feel loose?
The crotch looks loose.

Keeley, thoughts on the crotch?

Oh, my Go...

I think the crotch looks great.

We can have the crotch taken in.

It's better to have a tight crotch
than a loose crotch, you know?

But we love the suit, yes?

[STAMMERS] Uh, I... What
do you... What do you think?

No, I don't think this is it.

- No.
- Take it off immediately.

Would you guys like a drink?

Oh, yeah, go on.

- Glass of champagne?
- Mm-hmm.

I'm all right, thanks.

Oi, it's free.

And...

when you see the prices,

you're gonna wish
you'd drank more of it.

Oh, my God. Uh, yeah... Um, yeah.

A whiskey, thank you. Please.

Knock knock, Doc Doc.

Oh. [CHUCKLES]

Oh, please don't tell me
you're taking my office now.

Wha... No, no. I just came up

to invite Doctor Sharon to Colin's
birthday party tomorrow night.

Ah. Oh...

Uh, Colin's birthday is August the st.

I love that you know that. [CHUCKLES]

Yeah, I know everybody's birthday.

Really?

- Liam Neeson.
- June th.

- Tina Turner.
- November th.

Chuck Norris, Sharon Stone,
and O*ama b*n L*den.

All March the th.

Whoo, you are good. And you're right.

Colin's party was just a cover story
for Sharon's going-away party.

Not bad, huh? [CHUCKLES]

Uh, I hate to be the bearer
of bad news, Ted,

but Sharon's already gone.

Uh, beg to differ, Higgy Stardust.
Sharon's last day is mañana.

Yes, but an emergency came up,
and she has to leave tonight.

Wait, she left without saying goodbye?

Uh, she wrote everybody a letter.

Um, mine was very nice.

Here's yours.

No.

Don't let her get away with it, Ted!

Yes.

- Wow.
- I know, right?

Kelechi Nwaneri.

Yeah, his work is incredible.

Well, he's Nigerian.

[CHUCKLES]

I just bought it.

So I can donate it to the Cape
Coast Castle Museum in Ghana.

This piece belongs in Africa.

It's amazing.

Even for a Nigerian.

[CHUCKLES]

Sam, I'm a walking confliction.

I am a billionaire,

yet I don't believe
billionaires should exist.

That's why I'm breaking up
my father's empire.

I'm using the money
to make better things

and hopefully make things better.

[SIGHS]

You are not at all what I expected.

Ah.

You don't even have a security detail.

Okay.

That's because I bought
out the entire museum

and, uh, filled it with actors.

[CHUCKLES]

Oh, I thought I recognized him
from I May Destroy You.

Are you hungry?

Starving.

Ah, I know a perfect place.

- Edwin.
- Ah, it's good to see you.

- Uh, this is my friend, Sam.
- Hey, you all right?

Lovely to meet you.

Ah, congratulations.
You both just met a cool person.

Hmm. Cheers.

See you.

- Pretty cool, eh?
- What?

- That was Banksy.
- Banksy?

Yeah.

- The... [IMITATES SPRAY CAN]
- Yes. [IMITATES SPRAY CAN]

Oh, my God.

Sorry. [SIGHS]

- Yeah, let's do it. Thanks, babe.
- Mm-hmm.

[GASPS] f*ck me!

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

You look so hot.

I just wanna fix your tie really quick.

Come here. Okay.

Thank you so much, by the way.

You're so good at everything,

and you're always helping people
and making things better.

Just like you.

[CHUCKLES]

- Sorry.
- It's all right.

- [CLEARS THROAT]
- Do you ever, um...

Do you ever feel like
you wanna be the boss?

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

I mean, I did used to worry that
I was gonna end up like my mum.

- Mmm.
- [SIGHS]

She spent years working
at the same company tirelessly

just for a man to take all the credit.

She wasn't brave enough to dream big.

So, I decided to do things
very differently.

And then I met Rebecca,

and she inspired me to wanna be a boss.

[CHUCKLES]

People like you and I,
we can't help but dream big.

[CHUCKLES]

And no one is gonna fight harder
for their dreams than us, right?

- Right. [CHUCKLES]
- Mmm.

The scariest part of all of it is

making the decision to just go for it.

'Cause once you do that,

then everything just sort of falls in...

God. I'm so s... I'm
so sorry. I didn't...

- That's okay.
- No, it's not.

- Yes, it is. Don't worry about it.
- No. No, it's fine...

- N... It was...
- No, it was...

- It happens sometimes to the best of us.
- It's not...

It's fine. I just, um...

- I...
- God, I'm s... I'm gonna get outta this...

- Don't worry about it.
- I do worry about it.

Don't.

sh*t.

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

Is that a younger year?

Nope, same year.

Then why are their pictures sh*t,

and yours are... not sh*t?

Ah. Well, I take the pictures
before they can f*ck them up.

They hate it,
but I know it's for the best.

Ah, so you're Ms. Bowen,
the mean teacher.

Well, Phoebe likes you.

Well, she's smart. Most of them hate me.

They have, like... [SIGHS]
... different mean nicknames for me.

Go on.

I don't know any of them.

Ms. Bowlegs, Ms. Boring, Ms. Bonehead,

Ms. Bellend, Boaty
Ms. Boatface... [SIGHS]

... and then there's one little boy
who simply calls me f*ck-witch,

[CHUCKLES] which is
admittedly my favorite.

Well, best teachers are
the toughest ones.

My first coach used to chase me
round the pitch on a motorbike

like we were in f*cking Mad Max.

That's terrifying.

Yeah, but it made me fast.

[ALARM RINGS THROUGH PA]

[SIGHS] The half-hour countdown begins.

Nothing worse than parents' mixers.

They get free chardonnay, and I get
to ward off all the single dads.

- And not-so-single dads.
- Right.

Are you married?

No.

[CELL PHONE CHIMES]

- I've gotta go.
- You're not gonna stay for the art show?

No, sorry.

Thanks for all your help.

Ooh. [CHUCKLES]

Karen, for God's sake, grow the f*ck up.

Well, well, well. Look what
the weird bike rode in.

Ted, how long have you
been standing out here?

A long time.

And I really gotta use the john too,

but I'm gonna hold it a bit longer,

'cause I'm so dang ticked off at you.

I was right. It's a lot easier
to navigate that hallway

with this thing all folded up.

[CHUCKLES] Thank you for carrying it up.

How could you just leave?

Sorry, I'm not good with goodbyes.

Well, when I was a baby,
I wasn't good at walking and talking,

but I stuck with it and look at me now.

- Did you get my letter?
- Yes.

- Did you read it?
- No!

We had a whole thing planned for you.

You know how hard it is to get
grown men to learn choreography?

Almost impossible.
Heck, we even got you a gift.

Spoiler alert, it's a bunch of cash.

- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

But Ted, you knew I was leaving.

I did, but I thought I was gonna get
a chance to say goodbye to you.

I mean, my wife left me, my dad left me,

and you, more than anyone in the world,

knows how I feel when I get abandoned,

and you just left.

I wrote about that.
It's all in the letter I left for you.

Wait a minute, thi-thi... Okay.
You mean this? This right here?

Guess what. I'm not gonna read
your letter, ever, okay?

You got something to say to me,
just say it to my face.

I thought we had a breakthrough.

You did. You confronted
things you had ne...

No, no, no. Not me.
I'm talking about us.

- We did, Ted.
- [SCOFFS] Yeah.

Thanks to you, I've learned that

expressing my vulnerabilities
can help my patients with theirs.

You helped me become a better therapist.

And that's saying something,

because I was already f*cking brilliant.

[CHUCKLES]

That's nice of you to say.

And yet, you were gonna leave
without letting me know any of that.

- Ted, it's all in the letter.
- It's all in the letter!

It's all in your le... Okay, well, fine.

I'll read your stupid-ass letter.

Unbelievable.

[SIGHS] Mm-hmm.

- You spelled "favorite" wrong.
- [SCOFFS]

[MUTTERS]

[BREATHES SHAKILY]

It's a very good letter.

I feel more comfortable writing
goodbye than saying it. I'm sorry.

It's okay. I understand.

My train to Royston doesn't
leave till midnight.

Wanna grab a drink?

[SCOFFS]

I'm buying.

Yeah, okay. That'd be nice. Yeah.

- But I really gotta pee first. I gotta...
- Door to the left.

[SIGHS]

I've never had West African
food this good in London.

[STAMMERS] I can't believe
I didn't know this place existed.

Uh, well, it doesn't.

I had it created for us.

- I brought in my own chefs.
- [CHUCKLES]

I travel often,

and I know what it's like
to miss the food from home.

Actors?

- Friends.
- Huh.

Listen. I wanna be honest with you.

I don't see myself leaving
Richmond to play for,

well, whatever team
you end up owning one day.

[CHUCKLES]

Sam, you are the fourth
person to know this.

I'm buying Raja Casablanca in Morocco.

My only focus in life will be to make us

one of the biggest clubs in the world.

Bayern, United, PSG, Barcelona...

Casablanca.

[SIGHS]

Hmm?

The greatest African players
around the world will come home

to play for us.

Mark my words, in years,

an African team will win the World Cup.

Sam, you inspired the world

to care about what's happening at home.

That's why I want you
to come play for me.

I want the incredible man
you are, not the footballer.

Although the footballer
too is incredible.

[BOTH CHUCKLING]

Uh, thank you.

[STAMMERS] I mean... [SIGHS]
You've given me a lot to think about.

Please. Take all the time you need.

[SIGHS]

You have hours.

Hey, please. Finish the jollof. Huh?

I insist.

Thank you. Uh, you know,

I appreciate that you had
it made the Nigerian way.

Uh, well, I thought you'd prefer it,

even though the Ghanaian way is better.

Oh, I know we've been getting along,

but I will... I will
fight you on this one.

Let us fight then.

[CHUCKLING]

[CHATTERING]

Oh, wonderful, Mr. Kent.

Uh, we've got you upstairs.
You'll start in the black suit,

and then we'd love for Nicky
to take a pass at your eyebrows.

[GRUNTS]

[SIGHS] Hey. I'm sorry I'm late.

You're not late, babe.
Your outfit's in the closet.

You look cool as f*ck.

[CHUCKLES] Thank you.

Mmm.

How was suit shopping with Nate?

Yeah, it was fine.

Um...

I know that you hate this stuff, babe,
but it's gonna be good, yeah?

Please say that it's gonna be good

'cause I'm re... really losing it.
I'm so nervous. [CHUCKLES]

Babe, you've done a thousand magazines.

You did an advert for a service station

where you jumped out of an airplane
topless eating a hamburger.

You can't be more nervous than that.

But this isn't that.

It was about how I looked.

This is about me.

I had to do an interview,
like a real interview.

But they asked me about
my thoughts and my feelings

and my goals for the future.

[BREATHES DEEPLY]

When people read this article,
they're gonna see me.

See the real me.

The real you is f*cking amazing.

And now the whole world
is gonna get to see that.

You are Keeley f*cking Jones,

the independent woman.

[CHUCKLES]

You're gonna k*ll it.

[GULPS]

So I should keep my top on?

Maybe for one sh*t.

[CHUCKLES]

Thank you.

[NO AUDIBLE DIALOGUE]

[LAUGHING]

[CELL PHONE RINGING]

Hello, Dad.

Yeah.

[CHUCKLES] It was incredible.

Yeah, yeah, he took me to a museum.

An... And then we had Nigerian food!

Okay, great. And, um,
now look at one another.

- Come on then.
- [SIGHS]

[CHUCKLES, GRUNTS]

[CHUCKLES]

That's wonderful.
Can I get the , please?

Switching lenses. Will only be a second.

Yeah.

All right, so, earlier when I
was suit shopping with Nate,

there was a little misunderstanding.

He tried to kiss me.

It wasn't a big deal,

but I just thought, you know,
you should know.

sh*t. That must've been awkward.

[CHUCKLES]

Thank you for telling me.

I was talking to Phoebe's teacher
earlier for three hours.

And at the end she asked me
if I was married, and I just said no,

nothing else.

I don't know why.

At the funeral,

Jamie told me he still loves me.

[PHOTOGRAPHER] Okay. Here we go.

Turn to me.

[CLEARS THROAT]

Well, well, well. Look who knows her way

around a pinball machine, huh?

- [CHUCKLES] I love pinball.
- Yeah.

It's one of the most entertaining
forms of meditation.

Your only opponent is
yourself and gravity.

[CLICKS TONGUE, SCOFFS]

Yeah, two things we're stuck with.

At least until that Elon Musk fella
stops messing about on Twitter

and starts focusing on jet packs.

[CHUCKLES, SNIFFS]

Mmm. "SMF", huh?

Oh, le... let me guess.

Sharon Mildred Fieldstone?

Sexy m*therf*cker.

- Rest in peace, Mr. Nelson.
- Mm-hmm.

[TED] Mmm.

- Another round?
- Oh, yeah. Come on.

- Come on now.
- [CHUCKLES]

This one's gonna be on me.
Actually, you know what? No.

- Still gonna be on you, Dr. Moneybags.
- [SIGHS]

If you excuse me, I'm gonna go hit
one of my favorite British words,

and my absolute favorite
Diamond Phillips,

- the loo.
- [CHUCKLES]

Another two, please, Mae.

- Okey dokey. [CHUCKLES]
- Thank you.

You're the shrink for the team, yeah?

Mm-hmm.

Go on. Ask her.

I'm scared of snakes.

Like, really scared of snakes,
even the tiny ones in my garden.

Does that mean anything?

Do you want it to mean something?

I just don't wanna be afraid
when I'm tending to my tomatoes.

Because the garden is your safe space.

Is it about the snakes,

or is it about the fear and anxiety

slithering into your consciousness?

[GASPS] That's it.

The last one! That's it!

Sorceress.

- I have a recurring dream...
- Oh, God.

... where I'm floating.

Not flying, floating.

Piss off, you three.

You want psychiatric help,
call the number I gave you.

Think about it.

[PAUL] Thanks.

- [CHUCKLES] Thanks, Mae.
- There you go, love.

Oh, no. I ordered two.

Ted asked me to give you this.

[SCOFFS] Son of a bitch stole my move.

[SIGHS]

Here's one with no sh*t in it.

[CHUCKLES] Thanks.

I can't give you an answer about us.

And I know I can't ask you not to go.

But I hope you don't go.

I should go.

[ALARM BEEPS]

[KEYS CLATTER]

[CELL PHONE BEEPS]

[CHUCKLES]

[CELL PHONE BEEPS]

[CELL PHONE BEEPS]

[CELL PHONE BEEPS]

[TYPING]