09x20 - Great Heckspectations

[bunniefuu]

Whoa, easy there, girl.
Save some for the rest of us.

I think Taco Jason's
is under new management.

There's something different
about their tacos.

I think they're skimping
on the mayonnaise. Here, try it.

Oh, wait. I know what it is.

It's not fake cheese anymore.
I liked the fake cheese.

It made the fake beef
taste like real beef.

[CHUCKLES]

♪

What do you mean you got your
driver's license?!

Well, you guys weren't around,
so I asked Sue to take me.

- I passed!
- Yeah, we saw that.

Brick, that is not okay!

If your parents say no to something,

that doesn't mean you go get
your sister to do it!

I really thought you'd be fine with this.

I mean, didn't I prove my trustworthiness

when I stole back our car
from the Glossners?

I'm sorry, but there are steps

to getting your driver's license.

We gotta put you on our insurance,

make sure the car is tuned up,
alert the neighbors...

What did you think
you were gonna do, Brick,

secretly drive around
for the next years

without us noticing?

Sorry, pal. You're grounded.

Two weeks.

That means no library,
no seeing Cindy after school,

no... I don't know what else you do.

Oh, well. At least it gets me
out of prom this weekend.

Wait, what? Prom?

I thought that was just
for juniors and seniors.

No, 'cause of budget cuts,

there's only one dance a year
now, so everybody gets to go.

Well, you have to go to prom.

I don't care about prom.

Well, you should.
It's a major life event.

You don't want to miss that.

I mean, prom at the same time

you actually have a girlfriend?

What are the odds of that
ever happening again?

- But I'm punished.
- Well, now you're unpunished.

He has to go to prom, Mike.

You're sending very conflicting messages.

What's not to get?
You're grounded until Saturday

and then you will go to prom, mister.

♪

I smell like unlimited baked beans

and my feet are k*lling me.

Rough day at the Cattle Prod?

They had a special... four steaks for $ .

I had a party of eight people,

so I ended up carrying a tray
with steaks on it.

Well, after I slipped on
that puddle of Thousand Island.

Well, allow me to be
the first to welcome you

to the world of poorness

and its never-ending string
of crappy jobs.

It's just having a job makes you so busy.

I can't do anything I want to do anymore,

like gold-dust facials,
or closing my eyes

and ordering things off Amazon
just to see what I get.

I mean, I didn't even take Sue
out for her st birthday.

Oh, don't sweat that.
I didn't take her out either.

[LAUGHS]

But you still got her something, right?

No.

Axl, she's your sister.

You have to do something.

It doesn't have to be big, it
just has to come from the heart.

♪

So... what's the plan for tomorrow?

What do you mean?

For prom! How are you gonna ask Cindy?

Oh. I was gonna say, "Cindy,
do you want to go to prom?"

[SIGHS] Wrong.

Look, I'm on Facebook all day at work

so I can see what everybody
else's kids are doing.

You can't just ask her,
you gotta do a promposal.

You know, normally I enjoy
a good portmanteau,

but I gotta say, that one
just feels a little forced.

No, it's fun! You gotta be creative,

like filling Cindy's locker
with something.

Shrimp?

I was thinking more like roses.

Oh, I saw this one where
this guy got all his friends

to lie down on an empty football field

and they spelled out "prom"
with their bodies,

and they video'd the whole thing
with a drone

and then they showed it on
the scoreboard at halftime.

I wish I could've just been punished.

[SIGHS]

FRANKIE: Lexie's little talk
got through to Axl

in a way that, funny enough,
mine never do.

And he decided he should do
something nice for Sue.

Hey, just so you know,

it's not like I completely
forgot your birthday.

I got you a present.

You did?!

Oh... yeah.

Well, I don't have it now.

So I'll give it to you
next time I see you.

[GASPS] Well, happy birthday
to me two months ago.

[SQUEALS]

- Bye.
- Bye.

- Bye.
- Bye.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
What are you doing?

Oh, this? Well, you told me
I have to do a promposal,

so I'm going as Bernie the Bookmark.

I'm gonna wait till lunch
so there's a big crowd,

then I'm gonna ask Cindy to
"save a place" for me at prom.

It'll be a new "chapter"
in our relationship.

Pretty good, huh?

Brick, a promposal has to be elegant.

Something the girl will remember
for the rest of her life.

[MARCHING BAND DRUMS PLAYING STEADY b*at]

♪

[DRUM ROLL]

[THWACK!]

[THWACK!]

[THWACK!]

[THWACK! THWACK!]

♪

♪

Cynthia Violet Hornberger,

would you do me the honor
of accompanying me to prom?

♪

No.

ALL: Aww.

[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]

- Whoa!
- Dad, you went too far!

I know, I know. It's... rrgh!

I'm not used to this stupid
remote your mom got.

The buttons are tiny
and there's too many of 'em.

- Oh, Axl! Hi!
- [DOOR CLOSES]

I came home after my class,
so now you've seen me...

Yeah.

You said you were
gonna give me my present

the next time you see me,
and as you can see, here I am.

Oh, right.

Right. Well, it's not
really so much a thing

as it is more of an experience.

[GASPS] An experience!

But it's pretty involved, so I'm
still working out the details.

[GASPS] Details!

[SQUEALS]

♪

[DOOR OPENS]

♪

[DOOR CLOSES]

♪

♪

Sooo? How'd we do?

Not good. She said "no."

[GULPS]

What?

I don't understand,
it was such a good idea.

Was it, Mom? Was it?

I mean, is she going with somebody else?

Did she say why? I don't get it.

You look so good in that tux.

You can't even tell a dead guy
was almost buried in it.

I was going to ask for an explanation,

but after I gave the drummers
and the flag girls

their bucks, Cindy was gone.

It's fine, I didn't really want
to go to prom anyway.

Ah, dames.

I'm over 'em.

No, Brick, you can't give up.
You gotta try.

Remember that one time in gym class

you didn't want to climb
the rope and I made you do it?

What happened?

My hands slipped and I b*rned
my privates on the way down.

But you got to stay in bed
for a week and read.

That was a good week.

See? Moms know stuff.
Now go get your girl.

♪

♪

[WHISPERING] Axl.

Hi, Axl. Axl.

- Axl.
- [SNORTS]

[NORMAL VOICE] Hi. Good morning.

Okay, so I'm super excited
about my birthday experience,

but I have a few questions...

What do I need to wear?
Are there water elements?

Do I need to wear a bathing suit
under my clothes?

Are there fluffy animals to pet?

Also, do I need to bring my chigger spray

in case we're gonna
roll through the grass?

Uh... there's still
a few things to sort out.

I'm gonna make a few phone calls.

But it's definitely happening
this Saturday.

[GASPS] Saturday is great.

What time? : ? : ? : ? : ?

: ?
- Stop!

It's at : ? I love : .

Okay, I don't really think
I should say much more

'cause I don't want to spoil it.

That is a great idea.

I can't believe I have to wait
till Saturday.

But it's okay. The longer things
take, the better they are!

[SQUEAKS]

[EXHALES DEEPLY]

♪

Okay, what's the current status of prom?

Because if Cindy doesn't want to go,

my hairdresser has a niece who will.

She's slightly odd,
she got kicked by a donkey.

But it won't affect her dancing.

Actually, it's hard
to get her to stop dancing.

No need.

After much negotiation, Cindy
has agreed to go with me.

Really? That's great!
What made her change her mind?

An old pal o' mine
named Bernie the Bookmark.

Seriously?

Never bet against Bernie.

Okay. Well, this is good.

So you'll come over here,
take pictures...

Oh, you know what you should do?

Invite your old social-skills group over

and we'll host a pre-prom party.

Oh, that'd be fun! You haven't
seen them for a while.

Prom is not just
for the cool kids, you know.

It's for everybody.

That statement could not be less true,

but I admire your optimism.

♪

Ohh!

I'm ready!

You're a little late, but that's okay.

What's with the basketball?

[GASPS] Is it part of
the birthday extravaganza?

Is it a clue?
Are we getting ready to bounce?

[CHUCKLES] No. No. The ball
is just to throw you off.

[LAUGHS] Is today Saturday?

[CHUCKLES] Very funny, Axl.

Can I just say, I never expected
anything like this from you.

This is so much better
than any old present.

The fact that you'd want to do
this means so much to me.

Okay, I am ready to experience
my experience.

Well, I don't want you to guess
where we're going, so...

[CLEARS THROAT]

Oh! Ah-ha-ha... ahh!

- Yeah.
- It's starting!

Ha-ha!

- Ahh!
- All right.

- Ohh!
- Okay.

Okay, I don't even know where we are.

Are we still in the house?

Whoa!

♪

Mike, you're not Frankensteining

the old remote back to life.

- Just call it.
- I'm not givin' up, Frankie.

This is the best friend I ever
had, I'm not letting it go.

Nice to know where I stand.

You're a close third, second
if you hold the light still.

[GROANS]

Come on, buddy, stay with me.

Stay with me.

Okay, I can't say it enough...

this is the most wonderful thing
you've ever done for me.

It's such an amazing feeling
to just let go

and trust in another human being.

And to have that other
human being be your brother?

You know, I feel like this
has brought us even closer,

if that's even possible. What is this?

[GASPS] Are we at an amusement park?

Tell me this is a giant teacup!

No, that would've been good, though.

Ooh, we're moving again!

This is thrilling!

All right, this next part
is gonna be intense,

so just have a seat for a moment
and catch your breath.

Ooh, okay. [SQUEALS]

Stay.

Okay.

Ooh. Oh, what is this?

Is this for me? [CHUCKLES] Ooh.

Mmm, cookie dough!

My third-favorite flavor!
How did you know?

Here, Axl, want some?

♪

Okay. Axl, don't hog it all.

Oh!

All right, we don't want to
wreck your appetite

- for what's next.
- Ooh.

[WHISPERING] What's next?

♪

[GASPS] Here he is! Are you excited?

Yes. I'm right in the middle
of the rising action,

where the protagonist
is experiencing great...

[SIGHS] How 'bout experiencing prom?

[DOORBELL RINGS]

That's my cue.

♪

Cindy? Wow!

Hello, Mrs. Heck.

My mother says never go
to someone's house empty-handed,

so here.

♪

Cindy, you look gorgeous.

I wanted to wear my hat,
but my mom said no.

My ears are freezing.

Hm. Here's your flower in a box.

Brick, you have to pin it on her.

Oh. Sorry.

♪

♪

♪

[DOORBELL RINGS]

♪

Hey, Mrs. Heck.

Hey.

It's Zach.

It is? Oh, wow... hi!

And... And Henry and Scott...
is that you?

Wow, you guys have done some growing.

[CHUCKLES] Come on in.

Hey, Brick, how's it going?

Hi. Hi. Good to see ya.

Hi, Mrs. Heck. I just wanted to
thank you for having us over.

- I really appreciate it.
- Oh, this?

Oh, I just wanted y'all to have a place

where your posse could hang. [CHUCKLES]

Are you hungry? I got some licorice

'cause I know you only eat red food.

[LAUGHS] You're right.
I totally used to do that!

I can't believe you remembered.

No, trust me, I eat everything now.

[DOOR OPENS]
- AXL: All right...

Where are we now?

[SNIFFS] Smells musty.
[GASPS] Are we in a cave?

[GASPS] This feels expensive!

Are we in a fancy hotel lobby?

[GASPS] I hear people.

Is this a surprise party?
Is it a disco theme?

Oh, it's a surprise, all right.

Hey, Zach, I got a tiny saucer
of goldfish

and you can eat it right out of the dish.

[CHUCKLES] Oh, my God.

I don't do that crazy cat stuff anymore.

Oh.

I think we all outgrew our little quirks.

Oh.

Hey, guys, gather 'round!

Did you know bell peppers were
four cents a pound in ?!

♪

[EXHALES SHARPLY] Sue...

I can think of no better place

for your big birthday extravaganza...

Mm-hmm.

...than where it all begins and ends...

So that is why,

from the bottom of my heart,

I give you...

[SIGHS] ...your room.

Seriously?! You've got nothing?!

You had nothing?!
How could you do this to me?!

Why would you lead me on like this?!

On my st birthday!

For your st birthday,
I got you a monogrammed tie clip

and an hour in a flight simulator

and you got nothing!

Okay, okay, okay, I'll take you
to the flight simulator!

You just need to loan me some
cash and I'll pay you back!

I don't want to go to a flight simulator.

I just want a present!

From!

My!

Brother!

Okay, I'm sorry,

but you have incredibly
unrealistic expectations!

I don't know what you like!

That's right, Axl,
you don't know what I like!

Because you've never taken
the time to find out!

But I know everything you like!

And you want to know why?
Because I adore you!

I adore you!

When we were little, Mom told me

that I even learned how to walk early

just so I could follow you around!

Okay, look, I'm sorry!

Okay? I'm sorry I was born first!

But I can't do anything about
it. It's just the way it is!

Younger kids always look up
to their older siblings.

Maybe you just need me in a way
that I don't need you?

[EXHALES]

So that's it?!

It's just a one-way adore street?!

I'm sorry, I tried!

I really tried!

You didn't, Axl.

Aside from the ice cream, you didn't.

You really didn't.

Just go.

[EXHALES]

♪

[EXHALES]

♪

[SIGHS]

♪

[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS]

Well, better get going.

Thanks again for having us,
Mr. and Mrs. Heck.

It was great seeing you again.

Yeah, very cool of you.

Well, milady.

My dead Aunt Edie's car awaits.

[EXHALES]

Brick, wait.

♪

Just... have a good time.

♪

Bye.

I'm worried. And that should
tell you something...

that the thing I'm most worried
about is not Brick driving.

What are you talking about?

Oh, my God.

I forced him. I forced him to go to prom,

and now the weird kids
aren't weird anymore.

He's gonna be out there
on his own with no nerd posse

and who knows what's gonna happen?

Should we get in the car and follow him?

- Frankie, our son...
- [EXHALES]

...who has a driver's license,
is heading to prom

with someone who he can
legitimately call his girlfriend.

Did you ever in your life
think that was gonna happen?

- [EXHALES]
- I think he's doing fine.

But did you see how good Cindy looked?

Somebody at that dance
is gonna swoop in there

and snatch her up
and Brick'll be too busy

reading the "Maximum Occupancy"
sign to notice.

Is he still doing that?

Oh, yeah. He was doing it
last week at Joe's Subs.

If two more people came in,
he was gonna make us leave.

- [LAUGHS]
- Honey, what happened?

Those kids tonight were so normal.

No yelling, no purring...

Did Brick miss the social-skills class

where everyone in the group got fixed?

Eh, who's to say
who's fixed and who isn't?

I'm saying it. They're fixed, he's not.

Okay [CLEARS THROAT] here's the thing...

[EXHALES]

...if you could trade Brick

for some kid that never made us
worry, would you?

I wouldn't.

'Cause then we wouldn't have the kid

who made us take all the leaves
that we raked in the yard

and release them back into the wild.

I mean, who thinks like that?

I'll never forget it.

So, yeah, he's weird,

but I'd take him over some
"normal" kid any day.

♪

[SIGHS]

I just want him to be happy.

Me too.

[SIGHS]

♪

♪

How many guys do you know

with their own key to the public library?

Wow. This is so much better
than going to prom.

I don't get why parents
think it's so important.

I guess they're afraid we're
gonna miss out on stuff.

So we tell 'em we're going
and it makes 'em happy.

It's a big moment in their lives.

I mean, what are we missing out on?

Look around.

Fluorescent lights,
the Dewey Decimal System...

This really is the perfect night.

Yep, I've got everything
I love here... books...

and you.

♪

You hungry?

I hid some chips in the botany section.

I could eat.

Then could we look at fashion
through the ages?

'Cause sometimes, Brick,
I am just a girl.

I've noticed.

♪

[SIGHS]

Oh, good morning. How's it going?

Why did you have to have me second?

What?

What are you talking about?

It's just, 'cause Axl was born first,

he's never gonna feel
the same way about me

that I do about him.

[SCOFFS] Are you kidding me?

When we told him he was
gonna have a little sister,

he was so excited.

He used to talk to you in my tummy.

- Really?
- Mm-hmm.

And then when you got here,
you were like his little doll.

He dragged you everywhere.

He would play with you and watch over you

and make sure I was feeding you.

Wherever we went, he told people
he was your "big bwuvah."

Reeeeeally?

Yep.

And when you got a little older,

he used to sleep in the bed
with you every night.

It got to the point where you
two were keeping each other up,

so we finally made him
go back to his own bed.

Ooh, he was not happy. He threw a fit.

The only way we got him to do it

is if he left Woofy Dog with you
to protect you.

Wait, what do you mean,
leave me Woofy Dog?

Well, Woofy Dog was his.

Woofy Dog was Axl's?

Yes. Didn't I tell you this story?

No. This is huge news!

You told the story about how
I was afraid of a knothole

in the wood paneling like
a thousand times,

but this you keep from me?

I can't believe Woofy Dog was Axl's.

And he gave him to me.

[GASPS] He does adore me!

[GASPS] My big bwuvah does adore me!

He just doesn't remember!

Hey, you got in late.

Yeah. : .

So... I guess you had a good time?

I did.

I really did.

I had a wonderful, normal time.

[SIGHS]

The truth is,
you can't fix your weird kid.

You can't fix the fact that
you weren't born first.

But at least you can fix the old remote.

[TELEVISION CLICKS ON]

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

It's alive!

[AS DR. FRANKENSTEIN]
Frankie, it's alive!

[NORMAL VOICE] Welcome back, buddy.

♪

♪