05x16 - Young & Mexico Part 2

[bunniefuu]

Previously on Young and Hungry...

I'm spending the weekend taking
my best friend on a vacation!

Where? Mexico?

Sí!

Sofia...

may I kiss you?

Sofia's gonna miss you so much.

Man, I wish we could just pack you
up in our car and take you with us.

You know, I don't remember
all these border patrol guys

with like g*ns and angry dogs
and stuff when we came in.

What's all that about?

Relax, Gabi, we have nothing to hide.

Unless you're smuggling something.

(CHUCKLES)

(HORNS HONK)

Hi, Officer... "Ho-nez," is it?

Thats "Jones."

Do you have anything to declare?

Just that these searchlights
make your eyes look beautiful.

Gabi, what are you doing?

Getting us home, Sofia. Getting us home.

Go ahead and put the car in park.
I'm searching this vehicle.

(PARKING BRAKE CLICKS)

(WHISPERING) Sofia...

there's something I have to tell you.

Gonna pop the trunk, ma'am?

(HIGH-PITCHED VOICE) You know,
I'm not sure this car has one.

Gabi, what is your problem?

(GASPS)

(WHISPERING) Yeah, see that's...
that's what I had to tell you.

What did you do?

Well, you were just so sad, and I
really wanted to see you happy.

By getting us arrested? (GASPS)

Oh, I see what you've been hiding.

- Oh, my god, we're going to jail.
- Oh.

You can not take
a mango across the border.

It is illegal to bring
this into the U.S.

Uh, we are so sorry, sir.
Please forgive us.

Yes, we feel horrible.

Don't do it again.

You can go, but I'm keeping this.

- Let's go, let's go, let's go.
- Okay, let's get moving.

- (ENGINE REVS)
- Sofia, the car's not moving.

- Why is the car not moving?
- The brake's on.

- Oh.
- No, that's the trunk! (GASPS)

(TRUNK OPENS)

Hold it!

Hola.

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

♪ She in the spotlight ♪

♪ And she turn my head ♪

♪ She run a red light ♪

♪ 'Cause she bad like that ♪

♪ I like that ooh, baby, ooh, baby ♪

♪ Baby, I like that
ooh, baby, ooh, baby ♪

Thank God we didn't go to jail.

I was already planning
on making you my prison bitch.

But...

they let us off with a warning,

Juancarlo got to go home,

and all's well that ends well.

Did it really end well?

Oh, my god.

You just talked to me.

In fact, I kind of think

you even started yelling,

which is good because

you haven't said anything to me

for two hours and you need

to let it out, Sofia.

I can't.

Why? Because you're scared
you're going to yell at me?

Because you're scared
you're going to cry?

I don't know. Look,

when we left the resort,

I thought I was never

gonna see Juancarlo again.

And then in the car,

I turned around

and I saw his face, and...

Oh, my god, it's the crying one.

Ugh. God, we were so close.

Where did it all go wrong?

When you popped the trunk,

and they found him.

Yeah.

But, what if I was to tell you

there was another way
we can get him here.

No, Gabi, no.

No, no, it... it's over.

Okay? It wasn't meant to be.

I have to let it go.

What did you have in mind?

- (PLAYING NOTES)
- (DOOR OPENS, CLOSES)

Oh!

You bought me a piano.

Uh, no,

I donated a million bucks

to the San Francisco Philharmonic,

and they bought me a piano.

Next time you want to give money

to something gay, I'm right here.

Hey!

Guess who's back?

- Yes!
- No!

Oh! Look at you!

You know, since I got
my Lasik eye surgery,

you look more beautiful than ever.

Okay, listen, I need to talk...

Uh! More beautiful than ever?

Your new eyes are very sweet.

But seriously, there's something
I really need to t...

You're scooping me up.

Why are you scooping me up?

Because the thing I need
I kind of have to do upstairs.

Okay, but listen, my downstairs
really wants to go upstairs,

but I actually need to talk to you...

Gabi, I know you have something to say,

but I actually can't see,
hear, or focus on anything

until we do that... upstairs thing.

All right, let's get her done.

All right!

(PLAYING ROMANTIC MELODY)

Oh!

There is nothing sexier
than a man who can make music.

Whoo!

I gotta tell you, Josh,

if you weren't dating Gabi,

hoo, I would give you...

- Ah!
- (ELIOT SCREAMS)

I thought you were Josh.

I thought you were you.

Gabi!

That was just...

Just the right amount of sex

so you can focus, see, and hear me now?

Yes.

I am all yours.

Tell me about Mexico.

Okay, so you know how
I forgot about Sofia's birthday?

Well, I made it up to her
by introducing her to this guy

named Juancarlo, and she ended
up really, really liking him,

which never happens, because you know
Sofia, she doesn't like anybody.

And he ended up really liking her back,

and she was so sad when we had to leave.

I had no choice but to...

try and smuggle him across the border.

You what now?

You know, the old me would have thought

of a million ways
to lie to you about this,

but then I thought, you know... (SCOFFS)

We're in a relationship now,
we love each other,

you'll totally get this.

You committed a federal crime!

Tried to.

Unfortunately, they found him in
our car, and they sent him back,

but then I thought the only
way to get him here

so that Sofia can be with him

is to get him something called

an "H- B work visa,"

which is where you come in.

Can you get him an "H- B work visa"?

No!

Oh! You're so sweet.
Sofia's gonna be so...

Wait a minute. "No"?
What do you mean, "No"?

Gabi, do you have any idea what it
takes to get someone a work visa,

especially when they tried
sneaking into the country?

I'm talking paperwork, lawyers,
affidavits. What were you thinking?

I wasn't thinking!

I know! See, and that's your
problem, You never think.

Well, you know what your problem is?

That's all you do.

I'm sorry, was that supposed to be mean?

Because that's actually a compliment.

No, it wasn't. Okay?

When you think, you don't feel,

and when you don't feel,
how can you love?

That makes no sense.

What makes no sense is me thinking
that after we fell in love,

you would understand this.

Gabi...

love doesn't mean
you can just do stupid things.

That is exactly what love means!

And if you won't help me,

that means I'm gonna have to
do something stupid

all by myself!

Wow, I can't believe
Josh got us a lawyer so fast.

Mm. Yeah, that's not exactly true.

- Which part?
- All of it.

What?

Okay, don't worry, I have a plan.

(SIGHS) I hate your plans.

Yeah, only when they don't go well.

They never go well.

Sofia, do you want
to see Juancarlo again?

I do.

Okay, then stop thinking and listen.

You drive for Crazy Car, right,

and this area is filled with law firms.

All we have to do is wait for an
immigration lawyer to request a ride,

and then we accept the ride,

and we explain the story to him,

and we convince him to help us.

Are you serious?

Sofia, stop thinking

and feel.

That's kinda genius.

I know, right?

(PING)

(GASPS) Ooh. Hey, you got one.

Read me the name and I'll look him up.

Albert Shin.

Okay, Albert Shin...

divorce lawyer. Ah, don't accept.

But keep this number for Elliot...
we all see that train coming.

- (PING)
- Nick Walker.

Nick Walker...

criminal and immigration law!

Accept! Accept the ride.

- (PING)
- He's feet away. Floor it.

(DOOR CLOSES)

Oh, I didn't realize
this was a shared ride.

Oh, well... it is.

(CHUCKLES LIGHTLY)

And, uh, you should hear the
story our driver just told us.

So heartbreaking and compelling.

That's okay. I prefer silence.

So did I...

until I heard this story.

(SIGHS) Buckle up. It's an
emotional roller coaster.

Tell it, driver.

Okay. So, I went to Mexico last weekend,

and I met the most amazing
man, Juancarlo Rodriguez.

He was selling things on the beach
to pay for his music career.

Sounds like a real winner.

I just couldn't bear
not ever seeing him again,

so we tried to smuggle him into the
country, but he was caught by the law.

Yeah. If only she could
find someone, say,

a lawyer willing to help her
for, I don't know, free.

Please,

you think I've never had
some pathetic girl give me

a sob story about some meaningless fling

in Mexico and beg for free legal help?

(SCOFFS)

Oh, look.

A judgmental, self-absorbed
douche-bag lawyer.

How unexpected.

Can't wait till my
BMW gets out of the shop.

Oh, I forgot obnoxious.

I'll tell you what's obnoxious:

Assuming I would ignore
the thousands of families

torn apart by immigration policies

just so you and some
beach bum can get laid.

(BOTH GASP)

(TIRES SCREECH)

- (CAR HONKING)
- Get out!

One star.

GABI: No. No, no, no! Wait, wait.

This is not a shared ride.
I am her friend.

Shocking.

Listen, we can't offer you money,

but I'm an incredible chef

and, uh, how about we
just talk this whole

thing over tomorrow night over dinner?

You mean, like a date?

(STAMMERING)

Sure, if you take the case.

- Gabi?
- Done.

See you tomorrow. Wear something cute.

Ugh.

(DOOR CLOSES)

Haha! Hahaha!

We did it! (LAUGHS)

Gabi, did it occur to you
that you just accepted a date

with someone when you're
in a relationship with Josh?

No.

It did not.

See, this is where the "not
thinking" is not good.

(ROMANTIC PIANO MUSIC PLAYING)

Elliot, you gotta stop it.

Your piano playing is k*lling me.

Admit it,

you love me tickling the ivories.

Now, how about I tickle the ebonies?

(MUSIC CONTINUES)

I mean it. You gotta stop it.

Stop it. You stop it right now,

or I'm gonna...

(SCREAMING)

We have got to get rid of that piano.

Okay, how should I set the table?

Do you wanna sit
next to him, across from him?

How are we doing this?
Why are we doing this?

Will you relax?

No, Gabi, I cannot relax,

because what if this creep
makes a move on you

or... or Josh finds out
you're on a date?

Okay. Will you stop
thinking of problems?

See, this is the problem with thinking.

- (KNOCKING ON DOOR)
- Ew, it's him.

Okay, be nice. Can you be nice?

Yes, I can be nice.

All right, I'm gonna go freshen up.

- Ugh.
- Nice to see you too, Sofia.

Yeah, that's right. I live here.

I live here with Gabi,
so I'll be in my bedroom.

Have fun.

You lay one hand on her, and I will
be on you so hard your head'll spin.

I'm not gonna touch her.

- Don't.
- I'm not.

Good. Have a good date,

but not too good or I will
break your freaking thumbs.

God, you are mean. I love it.

- What?
- Just like last night

when you, uh, yelled at me
to get out of your car.

I mean, that was... That was hot.

Yeah, so hot that you wouldn't help me

unless my friend went out with you.

Okay.

Full disclosure, I'm not
interested in your friend.

But I knew if I got in good with her,

I could run out the clock until your
relationship with Juancarlo fizzled,

and then end things with Gabi, swoop in,

and pull the old best friend switcheroo.

Ugh!

- You are disgusting.
- I'm a lawyer.

Yeah, a disgusting one.

You know, a decent lawyer
would have just helped out

an immigrant out
of the kindness of his heart,

not blackmail someone
into some sick roommate swap.

- You have no idea...
- Oh, I have plenty of ideas,

and I know exactly
the kind of guy you are.

You don't have a clue, and if
you'd shut up for a minute,

- I'd tell you.
- Excuse me,

did you just tell me to shut up?

Yeah, because I'm trying
to tell you that I was working

all last night trying
to get Juancarlo a visa.

- Why?
- Because I like you.

Oh, my god. Please.

There's gotta be...
something in it for you.

What is wrong with you?

I mean, can't somebody
just do something nice for you?

No. Not a cocky,
manipulative, arrogant...

Hey, I'm...

Little shocked.

Didn't see that coming.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

I'll get it.

- Hey, Gabi, I...
- Josh, hey. In the hall.

What are you doing here?

Feeling.

Feeling?

I thought about what you said... nay,

felt about what you said,

and, Gabi, I did something crazy,

something that a thinking
person would not normally do.

Are you ready?

Uh... n...

- Yes.
- (WHISTLES)

Sorpresa!

What the hell were you thinking?

Juancarlo is here. (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)

And you brought him here.

- Yeah, I did.
- Yeah, he did.

Well, this is an amazing surprise.

Well, Gabi, when you told me
how much Sofia liked him,

- I felt...
- Hm.

...like I had to do something.

Well, I feel, um...

Give me one second.

Can I, uh... Can I talk
to you for a second?

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Um... (CLEARS THROAT)

(WHISPERING) Why are you kissing Nick?

No, no. He was kissing me.

Okay? I have no idea why.

I was yelling at him,
and then there was kissing

out of nowhere, and I did not like
it, Gabi. I did not like it at all.

Hm.

Okay, if you, uh... (WHISPERING)
If you didn't like it,

why'd you linger?

Uh, I didn't linger.

There was a pause of confusion

followed by a wave of repulsion.

Um, I only ask because on the
other side of that door...

(WHISPERING) is Juancarlo.

What?

I couldn't wait any longer.

Juancarlo.

My Florida Gator.

Uh, who's this guy?

BOTH: Uh...

Nick Walker. I'm a lawyer.

I was here working to get you a visa,

but I see that's already taken care of,

and I couldn't be happier.

Bienvenidos a los Estados Unidos.

Okay, thank you, Nick,
for your services.

I... I shall walk you out now.

Oh, so I didn't really need
to walk you out,

I just wanted to let you know
that that kiss meant nothing.

So, goodbye.

Please.

You didn't like that kiss at all?

What did I just say?

No, I did not like that kiss.

I liked Juancarlo's kiss.

I give you three days.

You'll be crawling back to me.

Ugh, you're disgusting.

Three days.

One day.

Juancarlo's been here one day,

and I'm already ready to
smuggle him back to Mexico.

One day.

I have been here one day, and it is
not the same Sofia that I remember.

What changed?

Everything.

He sounds and looks
so different in America.

Do you know he has
a horrible singing voice?

He had that in Mexico.

In Mexico, she was fun and sexy.

Here she is serious, uptight,
and covered in clothes.

Sofia, do you think maybe the reason
you're not into Juancarlo anymore

is because maybe you
might be into someone else?

Okay, I'll admit it.

I miss my mom.

(ROMANTIC PIANO MUSIC PLAYING)

Oh, no.

Elliot, you have got
to stop playing that damn piano.

Why?

(SIGHS) Because I...

finally realized why
I had a sex dream about you.

(MUSIC STOPS)

I'm stopping.

Ah! It wasn't about you.

I mean, I did have
your face on there, but...

It was...

It was about Coleman.

I remind you of your six-foot-two,

beautiful black ex-husband?

I get that.

He used to play that song
every time we had a fight.

And as soon as he played it...
Oh, we'd make up

and make sweet love.

(SIGHS) Can you believe it's been
years since I heard that song?

(SIGHS)

Ten years and he's remarried,
moved on, and...

(SIGHS) I'm sitting here all alone.

Did it occur to you

that maybe the reason the music
is having such an effect on you

is because you're
finally ready to move on

and make beautiful music
with somebody else?

Not me.

But someone a lot better than Coleman.

It didn't occur to me until just now.

Well, it's true.

Thanks, Elliot.

And don't worry
about the dream, Yolanda.

The only big black thing
I'll be touching is that piano.

And we're back.

I don't understand why I couldn't just

break up with Juancarlo
in the apartment.

Why did I have to come
to Josh's to do it?

Because it's much better here.

You know, you just do it,
and you walk out.

Can't walk out of your own place.

Plus, if you break something,
it won't be ours.

You're right. God, you're so right.

(ELEVATOR DINGS)

Oh, and next year,
feel free to forget my birthday.

Hey, Josh.

He's in the office.

(GROANS)

Hey, Juancarlo.

Josh said you might be in here.

No, no, please don't turn around.

If I see your face, I might not be
able to say what I have to say.

Um...

okay.

The time we had in Mexico,

it was magic,

and you're, like, one of the most
amazing people I've ever met.

And...

you made me open up and feel
something that I haven't felt in...

a really long time. Um...

But honestly, I did not
expect you to show up here,

and... between the time I last saw you

and when you came, uh...

Granted, it was a very small window...

I... kind of maybe met someone else.

And for whatever reason,

I have not been able
to stop thinking about him.

One day.

Not three.

One.

I... I actually wasn't
talking about you.

I was talking about someone else.
It was another guy that I...

This guy that I met at the BART system.

He's a doctor, not a lawyer.
I hate lawyer...

- Huh.
- We did it.

(WHISPERS) Yeah, we did.

It's kind of quiet. What do you
think's happening in there?

This.

(ROMANTIC PIANO MUSIC PLAYING)

(ROMANTIC PIANO MUSIC PLAYING)

I've been waiting for you.

Oh, my damn.

Admit it.

You're entangled in my passionate web

of rhythm and melody.

I am.

Take me, Yolanda.

Ah! Ah! Ah!

Ah!

We gotta get rid of that piano.