03x06 - Blood Thief

[bunniefuu]

Focus your energy.

Hold it...

Let it circulate through every nerve

and channel.

Now push that power outwards...

towards the Book.

That's it! Well done, Vladdy!

Keep going.

At last we'll see how you lead us into the future.

Two fingers? That's it?!

If you were any good at your job,

this pile of bones would have given up weeks ago.

Vladdy would be commanding a glorious vampire army

and I would be out of this stinking breather-hole

and in a luxury castle in Surrey.

Surrey?

Just a little pad I've had my eye on for a while.

And if it wasn't for this buffoon,

I'd be picking out a portcullis by now.

Do better.

Or you'll answer to me.

I'm sorry.

He's right. You should have opened the Book by now.

You've got the raw power, I can sense it. Something's distracting you.

What?

No, he didn't. He said "kismet".

Oh, er...global warming.

Yeah, you know. All the little polar bears and penguins and...

..er...

..ice...

All right, let's take a break.

We'll do vertical flying at eight.

Hi.

Hi.

- Homework?
- Yeah. Romeo and Juliet.

Pretty stupid story, right?

One guy gets the wrong message at the wrong time

and they both end up dead...

So, I was thinking, if you'd like,

maybe you and me could...

go into town?

Not like on a date or anything! Unless...unless you want to.

Are you asking me out?

No!

Yeah.

Yeah!

I'll meet you by the gates at eight o'clock.

OK!

Cool.

Er... Catch you later.

Where are you going?

Hunting.

Can I come?

Well, I suppose it might be educational.

Master, the last of The Duchess of Cambridge .

I'm going on a night hunt!

Master. You're taking this... pup hunting?

Why not? Man's best friend and all that.

If he's your best friend, what am I?

A filthy, infected pustule I can't seem to get rid of.

Thank you!

Soy blood?!

Vintage blood replaced by this tasteless, synthetic goo!

Right! Assemble everyone.

I will worm out this cowardly maggot and crush them.

So when are we going hun...?

Cancelled.

..ting?

You are all suspects. Well, except for Renfield, obviously,

- because he's a filthy little breather.
- Thank you very much!

And Wolfie, as he's too young to drink blood. You two may go.

Might I suggest that you put a guard on the blood cellar?

Good idea. Wolfie, guard the blood cellar. Don't let anyone in.

Or you'll be out on your ear.

But Master, all that pup does is bark and scratch himself.

And yet he's be more useful to me than you've ever been.

But I can prove myself, Master. I'll catch the blood thief.

Stop whingeing!

Help Wolfie prepare for his guard duties.

- Yes, Master.
- Yes, Master.

RENFIELD MUTTERS

So...

..which of you was it?

You know I don't touch the stuff. I only drink soy substitute.

- Me too.
- Right(!) I've seen you drink blood! He drinks it by the gallon.

- When could I have stolen it? I'm always training Vlad.
- ENOUGH!

You're all grounded until the culprit owns up.

But I've got a...

The only thing you've got to do is open the Book

so we can all get out of here! When will you do that?

Too tight. Do it again.

You don't need it! You're just a guard dog.

No, I'm a proper security guard. Dad said so.

- He's not your dad, and he never will be.
- At least he trusts ME.

I'm the only one he can rely on!

WOLFIE LAUGHS

Oops!

No prints...

Smart.

But not smart enough...

Where do you want to go tonight?

We can't, can we? We're grounded.

- It's OK. Bertrand will cover for us.
- Cover for you?

Erin and I are going out tonight.

You're skipping training and you want me to lie to your father?

If that's OK?

Yeah. Don't worry. I'll take care of the Count.

Thanks. Really appreciate it.

DOG GROWLS

Go, Wolfie. Good boy.

A little look...

Aha! There's a footprint!

It's a clue.

Good boy, Wolfie.

Stupid dog!

I know what's distracting Vlad.

Get rid of it!

It isn't an "it".

It's Erin.

That half-breed still has her fangs into my Vladdy?

They're going on a...date. Tonight.

Excellent. Ambush them and get rid of her. Job done.

With respect, this problem may require more...finesse.

Subtlety...is for breathers.

I don't think so.

You're Vlad's father, and his Regent.

- Why don't you show him where his true duty lies?
- Because...

I don't want him to hate me.

Look, we need a clever plan.

We have to make it look like an accident

and frame somebody else.

But who?

Because I'm worth it.

Soy blood? It doesn't seem very "you".

Duchess of Cambridge ' . An unmistakeable vintage.

It's just soy blood.

I thought that if anyone dared to taste forbidden blood, it'd be you.

I've had plenty forbidden blood.

I can always spot a bad girl.

You've never met a girl as bad as me.

Prove it. You can take me to dinner. In the blood cellar. Eight o'clock.

Oh, bother!

Soon, my beloved. Soon we will be together.

Erin. Did you get the message?

No.

- Oh. It's about meeting Vlad. Can you meet on the balcony instead?
- OK.

Thanks.

My pleasure.

FLY BUZZES

Wicked!

Shoes...

Bother!

Gloves!

Come to Daddy!

RENFIELD CHUCKLES

Vlad?

Sunrise, and then you're toast.

HUMS TO HIMSELF

Play dead.

HE WHIMPERS

- Isn't he supposed to be guarding this place?
- I can handle Wolfie.

- Seems to me you can handle almost anything.
- But can you handle this?

Genghis Fireblood Tepes .

Just one.

Oh, when your father finds out about this...

Your turn.

Come on. What are you?

A mad, bad vampire, or just some stuffy tutor?

I take my responsibilities to your brother seriously.

Playing nursemaid?

Oh. It's not as simple as that.

What do you mean?

Oh. His little crush on the half-fang.

- As if that's going anywhere.
- Yeah, you're right.

She's still hung up on her old breather boyfriend.

Typical half-fang. Can't ever quite let go of the past.

- Does Vlad know?
- No. Could get messy.
- How messy?

She's going to meet the ex. Tonight.

Vlad is at the school gates now waiting for her. She stood him up.

Fantastic.

Mmm, what a great evening. Dinner and a show.

Ah!

Hmm.

ELECTRICAL CRACKLING

AIR WHOOSHES

Hey. You expecting someone?

- No. What do you want?
- Nothing.

- Just wanted to hang out with you. What's wrong with that?
- Everything.

- Go away.
- Moody!

Hanging around the school gates on a Friday night? Fun way to spend it(!)

- Shut up.
- What's biting your neck?
- Nothing!

You're angry, defensive, paranoid.

Anyone would think you'd been stood up.

- What have you done to Erin?
- Haven't done anything to Erin.

But you know something.

Seeing as you asked so nicely, I suppose you know that she's gone.

To see her breather ex.

Those half-fangs - can't ever quite let go of the breather thing.

It's all for the best. She would have dumped you soon enough anyway.

Thanks, Ingrid.

My pleasure.

SHE SIGHS

SHE WHIMPERS

SHE RATTLES DOOR

- AIR WHOOSHES Is it done?
- Almost.

- What good is "almost"?
- As we speak, she's trapped on a balcony,

she can't fly, and at sunrise, she's toast.

- Distraction removed.
- Vlad?
- Believes she's gone. He's training.
- Yes.

Nail varnish?

Nail varnish!

HE CACKLES

Gotcha.

Thieves lack intelligence...style...

..and guts.

- Why are you looking at me?
- Because you are the blood thief.

No, I'm not. Think about it. Where's Erin? Why isn't she here?

She's obviously guilty.

- - Exhibit A.
- Thank you very much.

Under forensic examination, particles of your nail varnish were evident

in the soy blood that was swapped for my vintage Duchess of Cambridge ' .

Well, that figures. Erin borrowed my nail varnish.

Then you won't mind me examining your hand.

- Exhibit B.
- Thank you very much.

Oh, what a surprise, it fits! Pack your bag and go.

- You can't throw me out.
- I should have done it weeks ago.

- Your infection's cleared up. Why are you here?!
- I have reasons.

- Not any more. Get out now.
- But the country is crawling with slayers.

- What if they catch me?
- Then I'll lend them a stake!

They'll want to take me alive. They know I'm the Chosen One's sister.

Then they'll use me to find all of you.

HE MOUTHS You wouldn't say a thing.

- Would you?
- Daddy, I'll draw them a map.

THUNDERCLAP Agh! All right, you can stay.

I don't want to have to look at that stupid girl face.

- I'm enrolling you in school.
- School? I'm .

- Slayers or school - make your mind up!
- Fine, I'll go to school.

Think of all the breathers I can corrupt.

See you.

Keep an eye on him. He mustn't be alone till sunrise. Got it?

Why did I ask her out? What was I thinking?

You weren't thinking. You were feeling.

And feelings have no place in your future.

- Now...let the power fall into you.
- Who is this ex?

- She never mentioned an ex.
- Let the strength flow.

Why didn't she tell me herself?

- You must banish all thoughts of Erin and focus.
- I can't!

This is doing my head in.

She must have known I'd rather hear it from her.

- What are you doing here? It's almost dawn.
- He's gone to find her.

- Vladimir!
- Vlad, get inside!

- Vlad? Vlad!
- Erin?
- Someone locked me out.

- Oh, what a shame. So you better come in now, Vlad. Dawn's breaking.

Vlad, go, please. It's too dangerous.

- - The sun, Vladimir, you won't make it.
- Ah!

VLAD PANTS

- I'm on fire.
- I'll say!
- No, really.
- Oh!

HE GRUNTS IN PAIN

- Thanks.
- No, thank you. That was brave.

- And stupid - you could have d*ed.
- So could you.

- I'm not a vampire.
- As soon as the sun hit you, everyone would have known.

Dad and Bertrand would have got you.

- What were you doing out there anyway?
- Meeting you.

I was waiting at the gates.

Yeah, but Bertrand told me to meet you on the balcony.

Why didn't you come to look for me?

- Ingrid said you'd gone to see your ex-boyfriend.
- What ex-boyfriend?

- Then someone locked you out.
- Someone was trying to get rid of me.

Bertrand or Ingrid.

How could you let this happen?

You promised me the girl would be gone.

It's not my fault your son can't control his emotions.

Don't you ever have a day off?

- I train to make sure I don't.
- Hmm. Looks good on you.

FOOTSTEPS APPROACH

Why did you tell Erin to meet me on the balcony?

- I was passing on a message.
- From who?
- Ingrid.

I don't know what you're talking about.

You don't remember telling me Erin had gone with her ex?

Yes, but I was just messing with you.

- It was Bertrand that told me.
- No, I didn't.

Now, why would you say that?

Can't you see what's right in front of you?

It's Bertrand, he's the one pulling the strings around here.

You need to stop lying to get yourself out of trouble.

- I'm sorry you got dragged into this.
- No problem.

But we've wasted a lot of time.

- It's imperative for you to open the Praedictum Impaver.
- I know.

- You keep telling me.
- Yeah, but you don't listen!

Time's running out. There are other forces at work.

The clan leaders are waiting. They have expectations.

Don't disappoint them. If the leaders turn against you,

there'll be no mercy for you or anyone you care about.

All right! I'll do it.

From now on, my priority will be opening that book.

- Good.
- Starting tomorrow. Today, we're going to hang out.