02x04 - Plus One Is the Loneliest Number

[bunniefuu]

♪

Good morning, Dad.

Chale has some news.

It's quite exciting.

I think you're gonna like it, Mr.
Gable.

All right, please, Chale, look,

you're married to my daughter now.

You can call me Kevin, okay?

Really? Well, okay,
Kevin, I have some news.

All right, never mind.
I don't like it.

It's very weird. You gotta go back.

You gotta go back.

Fine.

Mr. Gable, you are looking at
Enzo's newest food server.

[LAUGHS EXCITEDLY]

Oh, you got a job.

That's great. I don't
know how exciting it is.

The excitement comes in three waves.

One, I will have money for rent.

I can ride that wave.

Two, I will be able to bring
home all the leftover pizza.

- Uh-huh.
- And three,

I will be able to save
you a seat at the bar

for all sporting events.

I gotta say, I thought this
was gonna take a bad turn.

- Plus, we can hang out more.
- There it is, right there.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

- [DOOR CLOSES]
- Good morning, neighbor.

Drink this. I'm good.

No, you gotta drink this.
It's coffee from Holland.

I already had coffee.

Not like this. This goes
down smooth, silky.

It's like a Sunday walk
in a pair of furry boots.

And then it hits the bloodstream,

and it's like a llama
stomping you in a field.

By the way, I'm so excited
about the new job.

Thank you so much.

Remember, you're not licensed,

so you can't do any
security work, all right?

You got it. Wink, wink.

No, no, no. There's
no winks, all right?

You're like an intern, all right?

It's low pay, all right,
there's no benefits...

why is my heart
pounding out of rhythm?

It's the llama. Whah!

♪ I am not your ordinary guy ♪

So what do I do?

I don't know. Just... I
guess answer the phone.

Is there a manual or something
so I can read about

my work responsibilities?

There are no manuals.

You know what? That's a good idea.

Write a manual.

Oh, okay. Yeah. I'll,
uh, cover everything

from sexual harassment
to casual Fridays.

- Wow, so this is your office?
- Yes.

- It's nice.
- Thank you.

Guys, this is Trent.

Trent, this is my partner, Kevin.

Hey, Trent. Nice to meet you.

Trent, that's a, uh, it's like
a soap opera name, right?

[SPANISH ACCENT] Who was the
last to see Maria alive?

I think it was Trent.

Okay, good bit.

And, uh, this is Rootger.
He manages...

Let's go with human resources.

All right, so thank you.

Thank you for walking
me back to the office.

Wow, a lot of big dudes here.

Kevin looks like he
belongs in the NFL.

[CHUCKLES] I don't know about the NFL,

but I certainly had some
good moments in high school.

Yeah, I bet you did. I
can tell by the frame.

- You never quite lose it.
- You know, you really don't.

You don't ever really lose it.

Trent, you want a cup of coffee?

No, he's gotta get back to the office.
He's a doctor.

Ah, dermatologist. No big deal.

Hey, it was great meeting you guys.

- And I'll call you later.
- Okay. Bye.

[SINGSONGY] Ooh! Someone
has a boyfriend.

[SINGSONGY] Ooh! Someone
has a boyfriend!

Shut up. He is not my boyfriend.

Look, I like Trent, but
he's getting the hook.

I can't get emotionally involved
with somebody right now.

Oh, boy. Here we go.

What? [SCOFFS]

Every jerk you date,
you fall in love with,

and you end up getting hurt.

You finally meet a rock-solid guy

and you're getting set to run away?

[LAUGHS] Rock-solid?

Okay, you're only saying
that because Trent said

you look like you played in the NFL.

- No.
- Yeah.

It... it was nice. It was very nice.

I usually get college. I
don't get the NFL too often.

Did you hear what he said
about the frame, though?

- I did.
- Frame stays where it is.

No, what I'm saying is, like,

you know I have, like, a
supernatural sense for things?

- No, you don't.
- Yes, I do.

Two things people
always ask me about...

relationships and where
to eat late night.

It's my gift.

Okay, look, Trent is a nice guy,

but I'm just not ready
for a relationship.

It doesn't matter if
you're ready, okay?

Love doesn't have a clock, all right?

I don't have time for this.

Okay, you know what I think
you should do, honestly?

Invite Trent to your sister's wedding.

- No.
- Yes.

That is way too big a step.

Or not big enough.
Hey, open your heart.

Hey, guys, question on
the company's manual.

Do we need a policy
on maternity leave?

[LOUD WHISPER] Or has
that ship sailed?

♪

Hi, picking up an order.

Wait. Kendra Gable?

Noreen Thompson?

Wow, I haven't seen you since...

High school graduation.

I was on my way to Harvard
and you were going to, um...

SUNY Plattsburgh.

Right.

But I'm in Columbia
Law School now, yeah.

- This job is just part-time.
- Good for you.

By the way, it's Noreen
Thomas-Brady now.

Yeah, I'm married, too, by the way.

Kendra Gable-Witt.

Fantastic. Rick runs
his own hedge fund.

What's your hubby do?

He's a software developer, yeah.

And a game designer, yeah.

He's just kind of an all
around, like, tech genius.

I keep leaning against the pizza oven

and burning my shoulder.

I tell myself, don't
do it, but apparently,

that's not enough.

I'm Chale.

Oh. This is my friend Noreen.

This is my husband, Chale.
Oh, nice to meet you.

[ENGLISH ACCENT] Oh, you're
from England. [CHUCKLES]

[NORMAL VOICE] We honeymooned
there and then jetted over

to the south of France.

Us, too! [LAUGHS]

Yeah, what... we did London and Paris

and then... Hawaii.

Wow. Weird. I didn't see any
of your posts on Instagram.

Oh, yeah, I've just been so busy.

But I'm gonna post them. This week.

I'll be looking for it.

- Great seeing you.
- You, too.

[CHUCKLES SARCASTICALLY]

So why were you ly...

It's a pizza oven, guy.
It's always hot.

♪

That will be great. Several
months of work, yes.

I'm sure they'd be interested.

That's a very generous offer.

They'll be happy to hear it.

Thank you.

That sounded amazing.
We got another job?

Oh, no, no. I was just
testing out my new headset.

- Eh?
- Good morning.

- Good morning.
- I got my boys some doughnuts.

Ooh, I like the powdery ones.
They get on my face.

Hey. You look good in that shirt.

What?

You look good. In the shirt.
You look good.

Somebody's in a good mood.

Well, I had a really nice
time with Trent last night.

I let down my guard, and
it actually worked.

I am taking him to
my sister's wedding.

- Oh, are you?
- Mm-hmm.

I got a “you're welcome” ready

if you wanna throw me a
“thank you.” [LAUGHS]

Let's not get too cocky, all right?
You got lucky.

Okay, first of all, there's
no such thing as luck,

- there's only truth.
- Oh, really?

- There's only truth?
- Yeah.

- Do you want some truth?
- Yeah.

- Okay. T-shirt?
- Yeah.

Little snug, buddy.

♪

What's this? You ordered without me?

Unspoken rule, guy, come on.
You always wait.

Man, I love you, guy,
but when we say : ,

and : rolls around, I'm
getting into some wings.

But, hey, you can order us
some beers if you want.

Oh, am I allowed to do that?

Don't be like that, dog.

[CHUCKLES] Look at that.
There's Trent.

Who's that?

Vanessa's new boyfriend. Good dude.

He said I looked like I could
play in the NFL, so...

So he's delusional.

No, no, no. He's a good guy, man.

Vanessa was gonna dump him,

but I sprinkled a little wisdom on it,

and I got her back on
the right track, so...

Wow. Vanessa looks different.

What's that?

[STRAINED VOICE] That's not good.

Look, there's no easy
way of saying this.

I saw Trent kissing
another woman, all right?

And I know it... I know
it hurts, all right,

but I have to be honest,
'cause I'm a straight sh**t.

It's just who I am. I've
always been that way.

It feels like you made the
end part all about you.

Hey, guys.

Great, now I gotta wing it.

Hey, always remember.

Always remember what?

I lost it.

Hey, you, uh, you got a sec?

Yeah. Oh! Big news.

You know how my dad's
always giving me crap

about the guys that I date?

Well, when I told him that I am
bringing my doctor boyfriend

to the wedding, he had nothing to say.

Hmm. Yeah, you know...

you know, I'm kind of
doubling back now.

Um, I don't know, maybe
taking Trent to the wedding

is a little too soon.

You have a habit of doing that,

you know, you rush into things kinda.

What? What are you talking about?

What about the love
has no clock thing?

Well, that's another
bad habit of yours.

You take things literally.

Oh. Oh! And the best news.

Okay, Trent teaches salsa
dancing, and my dad

and his third wife think
they're such great dancers.

We are gonna smoke them
on the dance floor.

- Smoke 'em?
- Yeah.

I-I gotta tell you, that
sounds a little revenge-y.

It's not a... not a good look on you.

Okay, it's a great look on me.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have
some dance shoes to buy online.

[SIGHS]

♪

All right, guys. Feel
that warm Hawaiian breeze

and give me a hearty “mahalo,” too.

Mahalo!

Ma... oh, mahalo.

Guys, this is ridiculous.

Why are we even doing this?

Yes, we are creating a
honeymoon through the magic

- of digital editing.
- Yes.

And then, we post it on Instagram

and stick it in Noreen's face.

- That's what I'm talkin' about.
- What's with this guy?

Plus, we didn't have a real honeymoon.

So this is the next best thing.

But it's not! It's fake.
It's ridiculous.

Oh, really? Okay. Well, look at this.

My dating profile.

I've been all over the world.

This is me in Buckingham Palace.

- Wow.
- Mm-hmm.

And I took a couple
laps in Tour de France.

Yeah, yeah, that actually looks good.

Right?

All right, so what's up? Fill me in.

Just, uh, it's a little
surveillance, you know.

Got the call this morning,
so let's do this.

You know what? I think
Trent lives around here.

Hmm? Oh, that's kind of weird.

And the people that hired us.
The Favre Corporation.

That's funny. [CHUCKLES]

Like Brett Favre, the football player.

I guess, you know.

When you think about
it, it's a pretty...

pretty common name, Favre.

Is it? I mean, how many
Favres do you know?

You kidding me?

There's Chuck Favre.

I played Little League
with a Frank Favre.

And, uh, second grade I had a
wicked crush on Sally Favre.

Okay, stop saying Favre.

So what's the gig exactly?

Uh, I don't know. Just supposed
to watch this guy and see... oh.

Look at this. We got some movement.

Okay. Got a female, mid- s, blonde,

and a male...

Hmm. That's Trent.

What...

Okay, what's going on?

[SIGHS] I wanted to tell
you, all right? I...

I saw him last night with
that girl at Enzo's.

So? Maybe it's his
sister or something.

[SIGHS]

- Okay, not his sister.
- Not his sister.

[SIGHS]

Hey, is, uh, Vanessa here?

Yeah, in her office. The
mood is not good today.

No doughnuts.

I'm a little bit frightened.

Oh, boy.

Hey, did you, uh,

did you get my texts?

Yes, I got all of them.
I get it. You're sorry.

I also got your sad face emojis.

I bought the app. They're unlimited.

Did you get the one
with the smiling poop?

Got the smiling poop.

I was looking for a sad poop,
but they didn't have it.

They, uh, they just don't make it.

They don't make it, so...

If you don't mind, I have
a wedding to get to,

where I'm gonna be ridiculed.

So thank you.

Come on, it's gonna be fine.

No, you don't know my dad.

Nothing I do is ever good enough.

I show up to the wedding
without this guy

that I've been going on and on about,

he's gonna have a field day.

“Oh, Vanessa lost another one, eh?
Single again.”

Maybe not. I don't think...

Maybe he'll see it as a
sign of strength, you know?

He's probably gonna
respect you for it.

[GLASS CLINKS]

It warms my heart to see
my baby girl so happy.

And Vanessa, too. She met
herself a nice doctor.

So I hear. [CHUCKLES]

I'm only kidding, sweetheart.
You know I love you.

In fact, I can't wait
for your wedding day.

I think I could live to be or .

- What do you think, Tony?
- You could do it, Pops.

[LAUGHS]

To Stephanie and Tony, my best.

- Cento anni.
- ALL: Cento anni.

You know it's all in fun, right?

Yeah, no. I know, Dad.

I'm sorry that the guy
couldn't make it, you know.

But you gotta learn, when
you get attracted to

these types of guys...

Oh, hey. I'm sorry I am late.
Traffic was crazy.

Hi, I'm Trent. Nice to meet you.

Vincent Cellucci.

So, uh, you're the doctor
I've been hearing about.

Well, dermatologist. I,
uh, specialize in moles.

[CHUCKLES]

But those moles, they
bought me a boat.

[LAUGHS] I call it the S.S. Skin Tag.

That's funny.

It's just dermo humor, you know?

Okay, this is ridiculous.

- [LATIN MUSIC PLAYING]
- I'm not doing this. No. Dad...

That's my song!

Katarina, get those legs over here.

It's salsa time.

♪

What are you doing here?

I'm helping you out. Come on.
Let's tear it up.

No! You don't dance salsa.

I just learned for four
hours on YouTube, okay?

Believe me. I am caliente.

♪

Ooh. Yeah.

Come on.

♪

Ooh!

Don't overdo it, slick.

♪

♪

Ooh.

♪

♪

Huh, look at those two.

♪

They're dipping. Everybody's dipping.

- Don't do it. Don't do it.
- No, we gotta dip.

- I don't want you to do it.
- No, trust me.

- I do not trust you.
- I can do it. I know what I'm doing.

- Don't do it!
- Hey, look at me.

♪

- [THUDS]
- [GROANS]

♪

[GASPING]

♪

Wow. That looks great.

Then I was gonna do one
with me photobombing

and I was treading water next to you.

But I just looked like a
big piece of driftwood.

Oh, look. We're already
racking up likes.

Oh, and one's from Noreen.

“Love the pics. Amazing honeymoon.”

Oh, she is hating this.
We b*at Noreen Thompson.

But we didn't actually go
on an amazing honeymoon.

So isn't this kind
of a hollow victory?

Not hollow. It's mahalo! [CHUCKLES]

Oh, Polynesian humor. My favorite.

Oh, look, we got another like.

Who's Amelia Chamberlain?

Amelia Chamberlain?

We went to university together.

She dumped me after I bought
her all of her textbooks.

She's liking our photos.
Oh, here we go.

“Looking good, Chale.”

Oh! Yeah, take that, slag.

♪

You know in some cultures,
it's considered good luck

for the sister of the bride
to spill a little blood

on the dance floor.

How's it looking back there?

It's not that bad, I gotta tell ya.

I mean, I wouldn't... I wouldn't
take a nap for a while,

but, uh...

I'm sorry, okay? I tried.

It's just, your center of
gravity, it just, like,

it was... it's a lot
lower than you think.

- Is it?
- Yeah.

Okay. So just to recap,

I don't have a boyfriend.

I made a fool of
myself at the wedding,

which is on video, by the way.

I might need stitches.

And I have to listen to my dad
tell me I'm gonna be alone

the rest of my life.

You're tracking things real
well, which is a good sign.

Okay. Well, your work is done here.

[SIGHS]

Don't feel too bad.

[SIGHS] It's not your fault.

It never works out with Vanessa.

- Yeah, I guess not.
- [CHUCKLES]

You wanna know why? Can't rely on her.

And I'm not just talking
about dating either.

Look, I have a very
successful business.

Very successful.

I wanted my daughters to take over.

Stephanie over there, she's my CFO.

She's killin' it.

Vanessa, she turned me down.

[SIGHS] It was like a gut punch.

Take my advice, Trent,
you're better off.

Vanessa seems like a great catch,

but she's unreliable.

Unreliable?

I'm sorry, I gotta
respectfully disagree.

I mean, she was a cop for years.

Word on the street was
she was real good.

I heard her partner
was, like, superhuman.

I think his name was Kevin.
I'm not sure, I wasn't there.

I mean, I heard he could
play for the NFL. Possibly.

But the point is, if I
had to pick one person

to rely on in this world,
it would be Vanessa.

Yeah, I mean, you know
what the sad thing is?

What?

That you don't know that.

[SIGHS] Oh, boy.

What was that about?

That Trent guy.

You finally picked a good one.

- What?
- [EXHALES SHARPLY]

That's a good man.

I'm happy for you, sweetheart.

[LATIN MUSIC RESUMES PLAYING]

♪

What are you doing?

I was grabbing a
strawberry and then...

saw the chocolate
thing and I was like,

that's interesting.

So what'd you say to my dad?

Nothing, it was just
it was guy talk.

Did you really watch
four hours of video

learning how to salsa dance for me?

I clicked on a squirrel
on a skateboard

and that led me to salsa dancing.

That's all it was.

Thank you.

Look, it's what friends do.

Yeah.

You know what else friends do?

They get paper towels
'cause I'm kind of bleeding

down my back right now.

[INHALES DEEPLY]

Okay, it's just...

They said they're taking
this away in minutes,

and that...

- Once it's gone, it's gone.
- Wow.

All right, fine, fine.