02x08 - Slip 'N' Fall

[bunniefuu]

Okay, guys, glasses up.

To the whole Monkey Fist team.

Goody, Mott, welcome aboard.

We had a great month,
we got new accounts,

and Kevin and I just
wanted to thank you.

- Hear, hear.
- Monkey Fist.

Hold up, hold up.

You know, three months ago,

when I got the original
vision for the com...

Oh, boy. Here we go.

Yeah, it's... it's
called a toast, okay?

Okay.

You know, when I came up with the idea

for the name Monkey Fist,

I had no idea the meaning
it would have today.

Much like a fist,

which is comprised of
five fingers, all right,

I want you to look around this table

and see how many people we have here.

Whoa!

Right? That's right.

Five of us, five fingers in a fist.

That's because we're a team, okay?

I mean, obviously, I would be the thumb

'cause I kind of hold
us together, right?

Yes, and also 'cause you're
the shortest and the fattest.

[LAUGHS]

Come on.

All right.

- Continuing, okay?
- All righty.

Now, look, we have one goal
together, and that is to be

the best security company in
the Greater Massapequa area.

Much like the fist of a chimp,

we are small, but we are mighty.

- And what we...
- Food's here.

Okay, uh... we're small.

Go, Monkeys. You guys are great.
Let's eat.

Actually, if you guys want to help,

there's a -foot hero and
a sheet cake in the car.

- Gotcha.
- On it.

Thank you, guys. Thank you.

Oh. I'm gonna grab my
camera for social media.

But we're not on social media.

Yet.

- Oh!
- Oh!

Oh! I almost forgot...

My world-famous three-cheese fondue.

[GOOD] It's so "Gouda," you
"ricotta" try it. [GOTTA]

Painful.

- It's not painful.
- Yeah, it is.

All right, here we go.

Whew! That thing is hot!

Mr. Gable, potholders if it's hot.

No, no, no. I don't need potholders.

Get away from me, buddy. Okay.

All right.

Oh! I should have taken the potholders!

I don't have it!

Ugh!

- I'll go and get some rags.
- Yeah.

Oh, careful, Rootger.

Oh, yeah. Say "Cheese."

[GROANS]

- Rootger! You all right?
- Yeah, I'm fine.

Here, come on, buddy.

Hey, what happened? Are you all right?

- It's nothing.
- No, it's totally my fault.

- Oh, it's okay.
- Are you all right?

You know what, Chale, do me a favor.

Let's get him to the doctor
and get him checked out.

Oh, that's not necessary.
I just dented my melon.

Even still, let's just get him there.

- I want to get himchecked out.
- Okay. You're a good friend, Gable.

- Yeah. All right, buddy.
- [GROANS]

That is totally my fault.

[SIGHS HEAVILY]

Man.

You're thinking about dipping
the bread in that, aren't ya?

No, I'm not. I'm just...

Just do it already!

♪ I am not your ordinary guy ♪

[SPORTING EVENT PLAYS ON TELEVISION]

Hey. How's he doing?

No broken bones.

Knew it. The guy's made of brick.

The doctor said he might
want to get an MRI tomorrow,

but otherwise, he is fine.

Well, I'm glad he's okay,

'cause that could have
been a nasty lawsuit.

No, Rootger's part of
the Monkey Fist family.

KENDRA: Well, legally speaking,

he's an employee who got hurt at work,

and you're totally liable.

He would never sue us.

Plus, we have insurance.

Um...

No, no. We have insurance?

Um, okay, in the chaos of moving in

and starting up the business...

Oh, no, no, no, no.

In the chaos,

I-I may have forgotten to
purchase liability insurance.

I started the paperwork,

and then I started dating
Carlos from State Farm,

and we broke up, and
then it got awkward,

and we were thinking about
getting back together...

Anyway, we do not have
insurance, so sue me!

♪

Okay, I'm only a
second-year law student.

I'm not a lawyer yet.

Yeah, but you know your stuff.

Okay, well, the previous
owner had years

to ask you to move the fence,

so, technically, under the
laws of adverse possession,

the property is yours.

- Ohh!
- What?!

[BOTH LAUGH]

Okay, I'm still not a lawyer yet,

but, according to the
State of New York,

that -inch strip of
land now belongs to you.

[LAUGHS]

Kendra, I love you. You
totally made my day.

Thanks for the advice.

Ooh! Did you see that?

He just left you $ .

I know. He didn't have to do that.

Well, you did just save
him an expensive trip

to a real lawyer.

Sorry.

You know, it's like you
woke up under a money tree

and someone's putting
$ leaves in your lap.

What are you talking about?

Do you know how many people
want cheap legal advice? Tons.

[CHUCKLES]

Well, this is a restaurant.
It's not a law firm.

I read an article once about this guy

who was giving cheap legal advice

at a hot dog stand in California.

Lines around the block.

Around the block!

♪

Hey.

Hey, so, I called the
insurance company.

We are covered.

Great.

Starting now.

Okay, so if somebody slips in
hot cheese today, we're good.

Okay, I will give you that.
I deserve it.

I am just worried about
his whole suing us.

He's not gonna sue us. Believe me.

I know him, all right?

Really? Okay. How well?

Very well. I know him very well.

He's my neighbor, all right?

He's... Dutch.

Lot of stuff, lot of stuff.

- Yeah.
- Yeah?

What's his last name?

You know, I don't like to pry
into his personal affairs, okay?

Believe me... he's gonna be fine.

We're gonna be fine.

He's gonna come through
that door any minute

with a box of doughnuts,
healthy as a horse, okay?

- ROOTGER: Hello, hello.
- There he is, all right?

What'd I say, huh?

Hey, b...

Sorry I'm late. I had
an MRI this morning.

Not good.

I brought doughnuts.

I was half right.

♪

- What is... What is he doing?
- [CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS]

Oh, he's taking pictures for Facebook.

Facebook? Pfft.

That's exactly where he fell.

He is documenting the scene.

No, he's not.

Wait a second.

He's taking pictures of the Crock-Pot.

You think that's for, like,
a lawsuit or something?

No, no, he's just taking a
picture of the Crock-Pot

'cause he wants one just like it.

Yes, it's for the lawsuit.

Rootger? Honey?

W-Why are you taking a
picture of the Crock-Pot?

Is it a suspect?

[LAUGHS]

I told you, it's for
Facebook... social media.

Who puts pictures of a
Crock-Pot on Facebook?

Actually, I did once. I made chili.

Got over likes. I mean...

One guy said he hated it,
but he was a jealous idiot.

Blocked his ass.

Okay, enough about the...

Hey, if he did come after us,

would it just be, like,
a business thing

or could it affect my personal wealth?

He could go after your
stock options and assets.

If I were you, I would move your yacht

into international waters immediately.

Okay, fine.

How about this?

We just... we tell him

we're gonna do, like,
an employee review

and we call him in here
and get him to talk.

- Yes. Good idea.
- All right?

Yes. Good, okay.

- Uh, Rootger?
- Rootger.

Rootger, uh, could we just
see you one second, please?

- It's very difficult.
- Yeah.

- [GROANS]
- Yeah... okay.

First off, we want to just thank
you for your service here.

Yes, thank you very much.

And what we're doing now

is we're basically
just gonna do, like...

what we do... it's our six-week
employee review, you know?

Oh. In Holland, it's
usually six months.

Oh! Well, welcome to America, buddy.

[CHUCKLES]

- Lot of red tape.
- Yeah.

So, um, how would you describe

your experience here at Monkey Fist?

Excellent. I like
working here very much.

Mm-hmm. But is there anything
that, uh, bothers you?

Oh, there's this one thing,

but, you know, I don't
want to upset anyone.

No, Rootger, look,
this is a safe place.

You can say whatever you want, okay?

Okay, I wish when we order lunch,

you would consider vegetarian options.

No! No way! No! No!

- Then I'm hungry again by : .
- Okay. All right.

- And it doesn't fulfill me.
- Can we focus? Focus, focus.

- Focus.
- But I'm hungry.

Mm.

Okay.

So, Rootger,

is there anything else that
you want to talk about?

No, everything's great.

I mean, except for that hideous
fall I took yesterday.

Okay, well, "hideous" is
a strong word, you know.

I mean, I see it more of, like,
a "Whoops! I fell. My bad."

Yes, I guess what we
really want to know is,

where do you see yourself
in the near future?

That's a good question.

Oh, funny you say that.

Lately, I've been thinking,

"What does the future hold
for Rootger Vanderkamp?"

"Vanderkamp."

Nice.

And, uh, and what's the answer?

Well, I want to work hard

and take advantage of every
opportunity that comes my way.

Oh, yeah. "Take advantage." Okay.

Well, okay, I think we got
everything that we needed.

Great.

[GROANING]

This might be easier.

Did you hear that?

Vegetarian? It's not happening.

♪

I can't take people's money.

I mean, I'm not even a lawyer yet.

Oh, the sign says that...

In the fine print.

And, darling, it's not about the money.

It is about giving a
voice to the voiceless.

As long as they buy pizza.

Yeah, yeah, all you got to do is

sprinkle a little legal
knowledge to your fellow man

and rake in your tips.

All right, fine! But
just keep it low-key.

Absolutely.

Mwah!

All right, who's up?

All right, pal, you got
two minutes, okay?

- When you hear this...
- [BELL DINGS]

session's over, all right?

You move down the line,

you collect your slice from
the pale-lookin' Brit.

♪

All right. So, what did
you guys find out?

Rootger seeing a lawyer?

Well, we followed him all morning.

Yep, male subject observed

entering a medical
facility at hours.

Mott, just give it to me in
regular talk, all right?

You're not in court.

All right, you want to
do it the boring way.

After that, he ate breakfast
at a Dutch restaurant.

There was a sign outside that said

[Wouldn't you] "Wooden Shoe
Rather Be Eating Stroop Waffles?"

[CHUCKLES]

What? I didn't get it, either.

"Wooden shoe"... wooden shoes
are famous in Holland.

Oh!

[LAUGHTER]

That's funny!

Okay, okay. Can we focus?

Sorry.

Okay, uh, then he went
to an electronics store,

shopping for TVs.

Oh! He's already spending your money.

Then we tracked him to
this place in Mineola.

"Roger Dantley, Esquire."

Esquire.

That's a men's magazine.

Seriously?

"Esquire" means "lawyer."

Yes, but Esquire is
also a men's magazine.

♪

Good luck with the inheritance.

And I'm really sorry
about your stepmom.

[BELL DINGS]

Okay, move it along. Enjoy your slice.

Hey, whatever you guys
are doing, keep it up.

This is the best lunch
hour I've had in years!

Hey, babe, I don't know
if I can keep doing this.

I'm really tired.

What are you talking about?
You're doing great!

And these people need you.

Plus, look at the chedda.

Well, yeah, that's great, but, I mean,

between waiting tables and
giving advice, I'm exhausted.

I don't even know what I'm
saying half the time.

Oh, it doesn't matter, so
long as it sounds legal-ish.

[CHUCKLES]

Take a break.

Whoa. Where's she going?

She's just a bit tired.

Is she gonna be a problem?

'Cause I'll tell you,
there are law students

getting off of buses
every day in this town.

♪

Okay, okay, remember,
we stick to the plan.

Yeah, the plan is you
should've bought insurance.

Yes, and the other plan is not
to dump cheese on the floor.

Okay, we know the plan, all right?

We butter him up, we get him
to admit he hired a lawyer,

and then we sweet-talk him
into not suing us, okay?

- Yep. Let's go.
- All right, come on.

Hey, there he is! Looking good!

Yeah, See? I told you he'd be working.

This guy never stops.

- Oh, no, he's an animal.
- Yeah. Yeah.

Actually, I stop at : every day.

Yes, but up until then
animal, right?

Yeah.

[BOTH LAUGH]

Nonstop. He's an animal.

Anyway, um, Rootger, we have something

that we would like to give to you.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Look at that right there.

What is this?

[GASPS]

A gold little monkey on a ribbon!

That's for your extraordinary bravery.

And, more importantly, loyalty.

Ohh!

We call it the Order of the Monkey.

And you're the first recipient.

I don't even have one of those.

Oh, wow.

Here, let me pin it on you.

Okay. Yeah, do it up.

- There we go.
- Look at that.

Wow!

Oh, guys, I'm so honored.

If I could lift my arms, I
would hug the both of you.

Oh. [LAUGHS]

Okay, he's not letting that go, is he?

Mm.

Yeah, a funny thing happened today.

I saw somebody who
looked just like you.

- Where was that?
- Was that Mineola?

Mineola... yes! Mineola.

Were you in Mineola?

Mineola? No.

You sure?

Yeah, I'm sure. I know
where I was today.

And it was not Mineola.

I hate Mineola.

Hmm. Really?

Why would anybody hate Mineola?
I mean, right?

There's good things there.

There's, like, delis,
ice cream shops...

they got lawyers.

I-I don't know what
you're talking about.

I-I should go back to work.

Wow, he lied right to our face.

He is definitely suing us.

He made a mockery of the
Order of the Monkey.

Really?

I'm worried about Rootger.

Well, yeah. Did you hear
his head hit the floor?

Sounded like a burrito
hit the side of a van.

Not that. I'm talking about
all the legal stuff.

Uh, just so you know, you
have seconds left.

But you know what? You're family.

I can reset the timer.

So, what do I do?

Well, if you can get him to
sign a liability waiver,

then you're pretty much indemnified.

- That's a good thing, right?
- Yes. Yeah.

That means that he gives
up his right to sue you.

Okay, good. How do I get one of those?

Oh, well, there's templates online.

I can just print one out for you.

Okay.

FYI.

The printing is not normally
included with the slice.

But you are not normal.

All right, so, if I get the paper,

then how do I get him to sign it?

Okay, well, see, that's the hard part,

because legally, he doesn't have to.

But we advise

using clear lines of
communication when possible.

Yeah, I'm gonna bribe him.

Okay, I didn't hear that.

Yeah.

♪

You're very kind, but what is this for?

Well, the Order of the Monkey
medal always comes with a prize.

It's either a, uh, TV or a...
mini bike.

Oh, I love mini bikes.

Okay, but you got a TV.

- Oh, this is wonderful.
- Yeah.

- Yeah, thank you very much.
- You're welcome.

You know what we should probably do?

You know, maybe we should
sign those Monkey Fist papers

now that we're here.

Oh! Um, good idea.

I hope I brought them.

[CHUCKLES]

- Oh. I did.
- Oh, good. Yeah.

- I'll sign mineright now.
- Okay.

Yeah, hey, and I'll witness for you,

and then I'll sign mine, and
then you can witness for me.

- Absolutely!
- There you go.

Here we are. Here we go.

- Okay.
- Yeah.

And then I'll witness.

And then I'll do mine,
and then you witness.

- Okay. Here we go.
- Yeah.

What is this?

Oh, this is just a, uh,
liability release form,

just... for Monkey Fist
standard stuff.

Yeah.

Just gonna need your Soc
and your sig right there.

Uh-huh. I mean, mine was
almost fun to sign.

Yeah.

- I don't think I can.
- Why not?

Well, I need my lawyer
to go over this first.

I-I thought you didn't have a lawyer.

I didn't, but now...

You know what? I'm being rude.
Let me go get us some tea.

[GROANS]

Did you see that? Soon
as he saw that form,

he started sweating like
a possum on the beach.

What do we do now?

What we do now is we
take the gloves off.

- You start filming me.
- Filming what?

Those stairs and me coming down them.

What if I was to fall
down those stairs?

Yes.

He has a slip-and-fall on
us, we have one on him.

- What's up? Double, double.
- "What's up?"

That's right, sister.

Here we go.

Oh.

I got us some tea, but also if
you want a nice, cold beer,

I have that, too.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

I don't want to impair
myself, you know.

[CHUCKLES]

I'm completely free of alcohol.

Mmm!

This cheese is... interesting.

Yeah, it's nagelkaas.

You either love it or you hate it.

Well, I love it.

Anyway, I tried some, boy, and
it got me in the wrong way.

You know what it is? I'm
lactose-intolerant.

And, like, it had a thing.

And, uh, I just need a bathroom...

Like, a private bathroom.

It's running through me.

Okay. Go upstairs on the right.

Thanks. Yeah.

[WHISPERS] Showtime.

Oh, you sure have a...
crapload of these things.

Hummels. Yes.

My tante and I have been
collecting them for years.

They mean the world to us.

Much like you and Kevin.

Oh.

You've been very kind to me.

Thank you, Rootger.

Yeah, I mean, look...
The medal, now the TV.

I need to tell you something.

What?

The other day, when you asked me

if I was seeing a lawyer...

I lied.

Truth is, I am.

You did see me in Mineola.

Oh, and I love Mineola.

I knew it.

It's an immigration lawyer, you know.

I'm having some issues
with my citizenship.

And I was afraid you would fire me.

Wait. Wait.

So you're... not gonna sue us?

Sue you?

[CHUCKLES] You're my friends.

You hired me in my darkest hour.

Ohh!

You help me to fly.

Ohh! Rootger!

Honey, that is so sweet.

KEVIN: Okay, coming down.

Oh! No, no, no! Kevin, wait!

[GLASS SHATTERS]

♪

Okay, guys, we had a
strange couple days...

You know, we lost a few hummels,

but we learned a lot about
trusting each other.

So... to trust!

- ALL: Trust!
- All right.

And to say "Thank you" for
sponsoring my citizenship,

I bought nagelkaas for everyone.

Oh, no. Not that crappy cheese?

No, no, that one in
my house was expired.

You know, that's why it
tasted like duck feet.

Oh! Okay.

Goody, do me a favor...
Just grab the cheese.

- All right, you got it.
- Okay.

Oh! [GRUNTS]

[GLASS SHATTERS, THUD] Ooh!

He hit his head on the microwave.

- D-Do we have insurance?
- Yeah, we're covered.

Yes!