01x09 - We're Going to the Zoo/School Dance

[bunniefuu]

♪ Look at that sun Look at that sky ♪

♪ Look at my sweater vest I look so fly ♪

♪ Look at that mailbox Look at that tree ♪

♪ It's about as beautiful as it can be ♪

♪ Whoa ♪

♪ Today is gonna be exceptional ♪

♪ Never boring even for a minute ♪

♪ It's my world And we're all livin' in it ♪

♪ Whoa, whoa ♪

♪ Never boring even for a minute ♪

♪ It's my world And we're all livin' in it ♪

The school needs these for the Clothing Donation Drive by tomorrow.

So, we've got to make some tough decisions.

Hey, where's Melissa today?

She said she had to study.

Out, boy! Those are all clean.

-Well, not anymore. -Hmm. Remind me.

What happened to these platypus pajamas?

[screams]

Hot chocolate.

No, I mean, why are they teal?

Aren't platypuses brown?

Someone's idea of "artsy."

Diogee, out!

[dog whimpers]

I better store them someplace safe until tomorrow.

Away from Diogee.

Oh, yeah. It's Diogee that causes all the problems around here.

Mom, I'm storing the giveaways in your closet to keep them away from Diogee.

[Brigette] Tuna casserole. But not until six!

[panting]

Did you know that "donation" comes from the Latin word "donare" meaning "to give"?

Nobody cares, Jim.

Here you go, sir.

Sorry, clothes only.

Suitcase donations are on Tuesdays.

[screams] You didn't!

Didn't what? Give away Mom's collection of rock concert T-shirts!

Uh-oh. Her shirts must've fallen in by mistake.

We got to get them back now, guys!

Those T-shirts are important to Mom.

How do you know that?

These T-shirts are so important to me.

I don't believe that was a real conversation.

Oh, right. You're guys.

You don't talk about your feelings.

Well, not our feelings about clothes.

Well, we've got to get them back, because Mom and Dad are going to an '80s party and she's planning on wearing her vintage swag, tonight!

In one hour!

She hasn't worn them in years, and we lost them one hour before she needs them?

What are the odds?

Even money.

Yep, even money.

[doorbell tinkles]

Mr. Drako, what are you doing here?

I volunteer on weekends.

You can find the coolest stuff.

Look, a black cape, like I'm a superhero that's evil. [laughs evilly]

Um, Mr. Drako, I accidentally donated some of my mom's favorite T-shirts.

Do you think we could get them back?

Hmm...

Flea infested underwear, flea infested socks, flea infested mattress. Oh, here we go! T-shirts!

Oh, I'm sorry, Milo. We ran out of space for the vintage T-shirts.

So, I sent them on to the mulching center.

Mulching center?

Yes, they're mulched and shredded, and the material is used to make replicas of vintage T-shirts.

You look like you're about to scream.

Well, if you do, please take it outside.

-[doorbell tinkles] -[all scream]

Yeah, they were about to scream.

-Dakota, enter the password. -All right.

-[beeping] -P-A-S-S-W-O-R-D.

The password is "password"?

No, it's "drowssap" backwards.

-"Drowssap"? -Drowssap.

-It's my mother's maiden name. -Ah.

And it's backwards, so, you know, no one will guess it.

-No one will guess that. -Yeah, security.

-Well done... -[beeping]

Dakota, Cavendish.

Here are today's pistachio protecting coordinates.

[machine printing]

I have complete confidence in your abilities.

Don't bungle this assignment like every other one.

Best of luck.

Yes! The zoo!

We get to see actual live animals and...

Dreadfully happy for you.

Happy for "us"!

♪ We're going to the zoo ♪ We're going to the zoo ♪

♪ And then we're Gonna see some animals ♪ Come on. Join in. You know you want it.

♪ We're going to the zoo We're going to the zoo ♪

♪ And then we're gonna See some animals ♪

-It's going to be a very long day. -Yeah, hopefully.

[all panting]

It's the donation trailer!

[air hissing]

Oh, the back tire?

That's my favorite tire!

Stash your bike. Here comes the bus!

No problem. We follow the truck to the mulching center, grab the shirts and we're gold!

[scoffs] Piece of cake.

Easy-peasy.

-No sweat. -In the bag.

-Done deal. -The crow flies in square circles.

What? I thought we were just saying things.

[tires screeching]

Stop the bus!

[tires screeching]

[Milo] No time to lose!

Too low. A little higher, please.

[all panting]

[Zack] I'm not used to running after things.

I'm used to things running after us!

Yeah, see? See, like that.

[all scream]

Come on! Jump on.

We've got to stop it before it hits the river.

[Sara] Wait. How are we supposed to stop it now?

[Milo] In retrospect, I hadn't thought this through.

They've got to be in here somewhere.

[Milo] The wheel!

If we hit the water, grab the swag and swim for shore.

I'm too mesmerized by the thought of my own senseless demise!

That's the spirit! Hold on!

[all screaming]

Ah...

[all screaming]

Oh, thank goodness. We landed on this much larger ski jump!

[all screaming]

-[Sara] Whoa! -[Milo and Zack grunt]

[monkeys screeching]

How did this get worse?

Wow. Those monkeys really know their vintage T-shirts.

After them, guys!

[monkeys continue screeching]

Too slow.

Too slow.

[all gasp]

♪ We're going to the zoo We're going to the zoo ♪ Well, when in Rome...

If we were in Rome, we would not be riding on the back of an ostrich!

Unless we were at a zoo in Rome that had a flightless birds collection.

[screams] I'll get my net.

Whoa! Milo!

I'm okay. Reach into my backpack.

There's a knockout gas g*n from the llama incident.

♪ We're going to the zoo ♪

[roars]

♪ And then we're Gonna see some animals ♪

♪ We're going to the zoo We're going to the zoo ♪

♪ And then we're gonna See some animals ♪

♪ And they have some animals ♪ Hey, when's it my turn with the telescope?

-I want to see some animals... -I'm not looking at animals you dolty snack-hound.

I'm looking for the boy who's been thwarting our mission time and time again.

The enemy agent.

Er, you know, that was just a theory.

I don't know that he's an actual agent.

Of course he is!

Who else could undermine our every effort with such precision?

A soccer mom, a slight wind, -a potted plant maybe... -Oh, yes, go ahead.

-Mock me. -I am.

But when I figure out how to thwart the boy who's been sent to thwart us, I am going to double reverse thwart him back.

I bet we don't even see him this time.

Five American dollars says we do.

Forget that. If I win, you'll stuff your pants full of pistachios and dance to the zoo song. I will accompany.

And in the reverse, if I win?

Sure. As if I wouldn't do that anyway.

Yeah, that's true.

Giraffe stampede!

-[people screaming] -What the deuce is going on?

[screaming]

Dakota, save the pistachios!

Thanks, everybody, for coming.

To be sure we stay together, please remember to wear your red sash.

[people shouting indistinctly]

[screams]

I'm okay. [grunts]

[monkeys screeching]

[straining]

They're getting away!

Diogee, get out of that otter pen!

He just loves otters.

What can we do?

♪ We're going to the zoo ♪

♪ And then we're Gonna see some animals ♪

♪ We're going to the zoo We're going to the zoo ♪

[screams]

[monkeys screeching]

Wow. Who knew that giraffes like pistachios?

How do we get the T-shirts from the monkeys?

I think I got it covered.

[monkeys screeching]

Banana cologne!

Let's get these back to Mom. We have 10 minutes left!

The pistachios! They're gone! It was him!

-I didn't see... -Where is he?

-Where is he? -[choking]

♪ Strangled at the zoo Strangled at the zoo ♪

[Cavendish] It's him! The pistachio spoiler!

Oh, my gosh! You're right!

Well, looks like you won the bet.

Mom, Mom, we're home!

Mom, we got your T-shirts.

I was looking everywhere for these.

I was gonna give them to you guys to donate.

But I thought you loved these shirts.

Yeah, but I'm not 22 anymore.

Besides, I just got this replica of a vintage T-shirt for the party tonight.

Made from recycled old shirts, except it's new.

♪ We're going to the zoo ♪

♪ We're going to the zoo ♪

♪ And then we're gonna See some animals ♪ Oh, oh. Oh, hey, hey.

There's squirrels in my pants.

There's squirrels in my pants.

♪ Squirrels in my pants ♪ And pistachios.

Obviously, there's also pistachios in there.

Probably what attracted the squirrels.

[Cavendish] Why the bureau would ever decide to put us in this dingy strip mall is beyond me.

Have they even issued last month's check?

I haven't seen one. Just keep an eye out for the landlord.

Hey! Rent!

You two owe me rent. Get back here!

Hey, I see you two. Hey, rent!

[door knock]

I didn't fight the five wars to take this from you two.

I better see rent by Tuesday.

[both] Yes, Mr. Phillips.

That guy really scares me.

Well, I guess we better check in.

[monitor beeping]

[woman via monitor] Your upper level management representative will be right with you.

Your time is not terribly important to us.

Ugh, it's Cooperdink and Hampshire.

It's Cavendish and Dakota, sir.

Sure it is.

Is it winter there?

No, not today.

But I went back six months to see a movie I missed.

Ooh, which one?

None of your business, part two...

The shut-upening.

Your mission is the pistachio farm.

Drive support stakes into the ground near each plant.

There's a map and some stakes in your locker.

Gretchen! The map and stakes.

Just a sec.

You were supposed to do it yesterday.

I am doing it yesterday.

[thudding]

What about this Milo Murphy, sir?

Have you found out what agency he's working for?

There is no other agency.

I told you, he's just a middle-schooler.

Yes, but he's thwarted our pistachio mission, repeatedly.

He's definitely working for someone.

Unless, you have some evidence, stick to your mission!

Hmm, evidence.

Now, if you will excuse me, I have to go back to 20 seconds ago.

[imitates rewind]

Ugh, it's Cooperdink and Hampshire. [laughs]

That never ceases to be amusing, sir.

-[monitor beeps] -I'm Hampshire, right?

'Cause that hat and goggles definitely say Cooperdink.

The important thing is that we now have permission to collect evidence on Milo Murphy.

-Is that what you got from that? -Yes, that's what I got from it.

I must have been in a different meeting.

[upbeat music playing]

[indistinct chattering]

"Niagara Falls" is the theme?

Well, the place looks great.

Thanks, Milo. Amanda, headed up the decoration committee.

And the refreshment committee, and the entertainment committee, and the committee to supervise all committees.

Now, you get to have fun.

I've got someone covering that for me.

[Amanda] Thanks, Lydia.

You're having so much fun!

When I see that everything is going smoothly, I will have fun.

If I waited for things to go smoothly to have fun, I'd be...

Milo, please try to keep your distance from the decorations, food, stage, ice sculptures, and, um, basically, anything that could fall to pieces.

[feedback]

You mean like, you'll be doing in three, two...

[screams]

[exclaims]

I just happened to have some punch bowl sealant.

Thanks, but just keep back from everything.

-[music continues playing] -[indistinct chattering]

[vocalizing]

[grunting]

[sighs]

-[camera shutter clicks] -[humming]

[both grunt]

-[boy screaming] -Whoa!

Hey, hey!

So you think this kid's doing some undercover agent stuff at a middle-school dance?

Is that your theory?

What better cover is there? No one, but an idiot would suspect it.

I didn't say it.

And plus, we're carrying around wooden stakes at a party, and not the kind of party where wooden stakes would be appropriate.

And what sort of party would that be?

If we were at one, I'm assuming we would know.

Ooh, devilled eggs.

Amanda, wanna come dance with us?

[Amanda] Can't. Now the sculpture's under the heating vent.

I'll help. I've got liquid nitrogen.

Of course, you do. And, no, thank you.

-Ow! -You had a wart. Let's dance!

-[electricity crackling] -[feedback]

Uh, oops, sorry, guys. I blew an amp. It will just be a second.

Perhaps, we should ask someone about this Murphy.

Why don't we ask Murphy about Murphy?

'Cause that's just what he would be expecting.

That's what anybody would be expecting.

Are you guys teachers or parents?

-Parents. -Teachers.

-Parents. -Teachers.

We're teachers' parents.

Gregory Teacher. He's in the sixth grade.

-Smooth. -Thank you.

Maybe we should put these to the coat check, what do you think?

[gasps]

Mmm.

-What a peculiar child. -Yeah, he's a weirdo.

-Are you sure you've got it? -We can handle it.

Now, where is Milo?

Hot chocolate waterfall.

[exclaims]

Vampire Hunters!

Look, they brought wooden stakes.

"Wooden stakes"? Yeah, look.

[exclaims]

Wait, someone got in the way, I couldn't see.

[sighs]

[exclaims]

Wooden stakes. I didn't think it was that kinda party.

I'm serious!

Why would vampire hunters be here, ladling punch?

What if it's not punch? What if it's blood?

-You're right! It is blood. -Really?

-No! -Hi, kids.

I'd like to check my poncho.

Poncho? It's not raining.

Well, I couldn't tell when I left the house.

My place gets so little natural light, it's like a dark box that I sleep in.

This is what I was afraid of. They're after Mr. Draco.

If he's really a vampire, those wooden stakes will k*ll him.

But if he's not a vampire, those wooden stakes will k*ll him.

We could tell Principal Milder that vampire hunters have...

Never mind. I'm hearing it as I'm saying it.

If they want Draco, they'll have to go through us.

He maybe a vampire, which I still maintain he's not, but he's our vampire, which I still maintain he's not.

Oof!

-You might not want to... -[electricity crackling]

-[crowd gasping] -[Amanda] No!

...use a 10-watt power-strip for a 50-watt line.

[indistinct whispering]

On the bright side, you don't have to see the wreckage.

Milo is that you?

I can't see through the haze of my own demise.

Yep. I'm going to look for the fuse box.

No, no, no. You'll just make it worse. [voice breaking]

[sighs] Never mind.

I guess everything can go wrong already has.

-[dishes clattering] -I stand corrected.

♪ I'm not despairing ♪

♪ But maybe we can start repairing ♪

♪ With a little tender love and caring ♪

♪ That would really hit the spot ♪

♪ 'Cause you know I'm not pretending ♪

♪ And I'm not in need of mending ♪

♪ If I'm not broken then I'm bending ♪

♪ And I'm feeling brittle And need a little TLC ♪

-♪ Just need a little TLC ♪ -♪ I need a little TLC ♪

-♪ Just need a little TLC ♪ -♪ Just a little TLC ♪

♪ I'm feeling brittle And I need a little TLC ♪ There he is...

He's up to something. Let's go.

-[thuds] -[beeping]

Hey, you drop something.

My temporal transporter. I hope I didn't send anything back in time.

That would be disastrous.

And lights!

[all cheer]

Oh, my. Wow.

It's all been fixed.

And it looks so much better.

[all gasp]

Oh, we have learned some very important information about him.

Yeah, he can operate a fuse box. Big whoop.

[chatter]

Who did this and how?

I don't know, but whoever it was lost their loafer.

I've got to find out whose shoe this is and thank him.

-Anybody have eyes on the vampire hunters? -Over there.

Hold your ranks, everybody, here they come.

Pardon me, we're headed this way.

Oh, no, you're not.

We know what you're up to.

Really? 'Cause I barely know.

And we're not letting you get to him.

The one you seek has powers unimaginable.

Continue this pursuit and perish.

Ah! A-ha! I knew it.

Powers unimaginable. Did you hear that, Dakota? Did you hear?

-Yes, I heard it. I heard it. -Yes! Vindicated.

Fine, can we go now?

-Door's that way. -Thanks.

Ah! There's Mr. Draco. I can't watch.

-Excuse me. -Uh, no, excuse me.

Chad, get off of me.

Did you see those guys? Weird outfits, huh?

Now, who's got my cape?

Hey, where'd the band go?

Hey, guys, I have an idea.

♪ Come on baby ♪

♪ Sometimes it looks Like there is no solution ♪

♪ You wish you had a Stronger constitution ♪ Amanda, come dance!

Can't. I have to find out whose shoe this is.

Whoever it is, fixed all of this. He's my hero.

Well, that's obvious.

♪ Do what you're gonna do ♪

♪ There's gotta be something That will get you through ♪ Milo?

♪ But don't you let it Break you too, oh, yeah ♪ Oh, there's my shoe.

-Thanks. -No, thank you, Milo.

Wanna dance?

I'd love to, but I'm playing accordion right now.

-Maybe later? -Oh, all right.

Yeah, sure.

♪ Come on baby ♪

-♪ Just roll with it ♪ -♪ Just roll with it ♪ Take five. I'm having fun for me now.

♪ You gotta know to let you Go in case you roll with it ♪ Ugh, so, you did not complete the mission you were assigned and instead you went to a middle-school dance.

That's not precisely what I said...

But it's basically what we did.

[sighs] Ignoring for the moment, this direct violation of your orders, do you have anything of note to report?

Yeah, get a load of this.

There's this one teacher at the school who looks exactly...

Tell me if I'm right. Like a "vampire".

-Right. Yes. -He does.

I may have a picture in my...

Do you want to explain where these kids came from?

Uh, are we still getting paid for this gig?

♪ It's my world and we're all livin' in it ♪

♪ We're all livin' in it ♪

♪ Go, Milo Go, Milo, go ♪

♪ Oh, thanks, everybody That is so motivational ♪

♪ Go, Milo Go, Milo, go ♪

♪ Whoa ♪

♪ Whoa ♪

♪ I'm not sitting here Watching the world turn ♪

♪ You know I'd rather spin it ♪

♪ Go, Milo Go, Milo, go ♪

♪ It's my world and We're all livin' in it ♪