01x11 - The Little Engine That Couldn't/The Llama Incident

[bunniefuu]

♪ Look at that sun Look at that sky ♪

♪ Look at my sweater vest I look so fly ♪

♪ Look at that mailbox Look at that tree ♪

♪ It's about as beautiful as it can be ♪

♪ Whoa ♪

♪ Today is gonna be exceptional ♪

♪ Never boring even for a minute ♪

♪ It's my world And we're all livin' in it ♪

♪ Whoa, whoa ♪

♪ Never boring even for a minute ♪

♪ It's my world And we're all livin' in it ♪

[Diogee barks]

-Hi, Dad. -Hi, honey.

I can't figure out what's wrong with this... [grunts]

-And hello, Milo. -Hi, Mr. Chase!

Dad, we're going to go get some ice cream. You wanna go?

Well, I'd love to, but I gotta take this baby down to the Fire Truck Museum today.

You mean the museum that nobody goes to?

Well, when kids get a load of Denise here, it should really boost attendance!

You know, Dad, the Natural History Museum is right across the street and they have a full size T-Rex.

Who's gonna get excited about an antique red truck?

I can't believe it!

Melissa, this is a 1901 Vandervert Douse Master 4!

This has dozens of unique innovations for fighting fires!

For example, the water t*nk back here has a wind turbine that spins while you're driving, that way when they got there they'd have enough pressure to sh**t the water all the way up to the third story!

Wowee!

There's a pneumatic secondary braking system on the back, the first ever ladder that was actually attached to the top of a truck, and look, the bell has a little string so you can ring it by hand...

I... I guess that's not as impressive as the rest of it, but over here, it has an in-dash radio!

And radios weren't even invented yet!

And this truck also has the distinction of being the first ever to have a Dalmatian as a mascot.

In fact, they had a little place for him to ride right over here and he...

Diogee? How'd you get in there?

-And where'd you get these spots? -I'm impressed, Milo.

How do you know so much about antique fire engines?

Are you kidding? It was a truck like this that saved my grandfather after he accidentally ate all those balloons.

Well, Dad, since Milo's so excited about it, I guess we'll ride down with you.

-Whoa. Whoa. I don't know about Milo. What do you mean?

Well, the museum is filled with breakable antiques...

Come on, Dad, he's such a fan.

It'd mean so much to him!

-Apparently. -Oh...

[clicks tongue] Okay.

-Whaddya say, Milo? -[imitates siren]

Yeah, where's that fire? It's out there, buddy! [imitates siren]

Wait, hey, Mr. Chase, can I drive?

No.

[Dakota] Well, we got the pistachios, now what?

Well, we then have to get them to the safe house, which should be easy once we locate our new vehicle!

It's supposed to be parked right out here somewhere...

Oh, a new vehicle! We're coming up in the world.

It's about time, too, considering what they gave us last time.

I hope it's fast!

I hope it's red! Let's see now...

[beeping]

[groans] Well, it is red.

It's like they're going out of their way to humiliate us!

Oh, come on, it's a tandem!

It's like a bike, riding another bike!

All righty.

So, we wait till traffic clears, look left, then right, then...

Then we look left again, and safely pull out into traffic.

Why is he narrating?

He's laying down a foundation for when I learn...

I'm laying down a foundation for when she learns to drive.

Signaling.

Oh, this is very exciting!

Milo, check out the wind turbine.

[Milo] Wowee! Look at her go!

Pretty impressive, huh?

And we're only going one eighth of a furlong per jiffy.

That's only 17 miles an hour.

Yeah, but back then they thought if you went any faster than 35, your lungs would collapse.

[scoffs] That's ridiculous.

Well, we can really test that theory on this hill!

[all screaming]

Okay, well, I'm gently applying the brake!

[Milo screams] Sorry, Elliot!

Now I am trying to extricate my foot from the floorboards.

Dad, you can stop narrating now.

Maybe we can radio for help.

Hello? Hello?

This is Milo Murphy. We're on a runaway Douse Master 4.

And we just went over Harding Hill!

Jumping bullfrogs, your lungs will collapse!

Hold on, young fellow! I know exactly what to do!

[playing ragtime]

[bell ringing]

Maybe we should try something else.

[ringing]

[music continues]

[honking]

[chirping]

[people screaming]

There you go, all set! Hop on!

[Milo] Oops! Sorry!

It's that kid!

See? See! I was right!

He's done it again, he's ruined our mission!

Oh, no!

Hey, how 'bout if I pull that secondary brake back there?

Wait, Milo. No! Get back here!

[grunts]

Hey, the brake must be working! We're slowing down!

Milo?

Oh, hey, Mr. Chase!

I think my lungs just collapsed.

Well, it's a good thing we stopped before we ran into this rail car diner!

Milo, you're like whatever the opposite of a rabbit's foot is.

-A rabbit's head? -A fox's foot?

-A pound of sugar? -No, you're just... [grunts]

Dad! It's just Murphy's Law, he can't help it.

Besides, he just... A pound of sugar, really?

I was just riffing!

Besides, he also just saved us by thinking on his feet.

Actually, I was sitting down when I thought of it, so technically I was thinking on my...

If he wasn't here, we wouldn't need saving! Sitting or otherwise!

All right, be nice, Dad.

Does this Murphy's Law thing have an off switch?

I haven't found one yet!

Look, there they are! They've stopped!

Quickly, Dakota! The game's afoot!

"The game's afoot"? Really?

I don't think anybody says that!

I just said that!

I know, and it's mystifying me!

Oh, we better hurry! It looks like that t*nk's gonna blow!

[screaming]

[screaming]

Oh, this chassis was not made for jet propulsion!

I want to know who he's working for!

Hey, Dad, we're moving!

That's no excuse, you still gotta eat your vegetables.

-Coming through! -Sorry.

-[Cavendish] Pardon! -[Dakota] Excuse me, sorry.

So, you gonna finish that?

Now there's something you don't often see, a wheel of giant corndogs passing you on the street.

Yeah, and we must be going at least five furlongs per jiffy.

Oh, hey, it's you two guys! Uh, the pistachio guys!

How are you?

How we are is none of your concern! Now, tell us!

Who are you working for?

The Black Radish Underground? The Marmoset League?

[woman screaming]

[cats yowling]

Uh-oh. Excuse me!

All right, see ya later.

Don't tell him you'll see him later.

[Dakota] What? I'm just being nice.

[cats screaming]

[residents] Aw!

So he's a rogue time agent out to destroy us by saving kittens?

He can do both!

Oh, hey, a kitty! Hey! He looks kinda like you!

He does not look like me!

[imitates Cavendish]

[both yelling]

[grunting and groaning]

Ow!

Dad! The roof came off!

You still gotta eat your vegetables.

-[daughter] Dad! -[father] Vegetables!

And now we're dragging the top of an old diner.

Well, that was exciting. Are you guys okay?

-Is this a game to you? -A game?

No, I mean how would you keep score?

[yells]

I got you! There you go!

Hey, listen, it's gonna get bumpy up ahead, so I better drop you guys off at Palm Lake Park.

Okay, you take care now!

Don't tell him to take care!

I am just being nice!

There you go! Have a nice afternoon!

[screaming]

That Murphy kid, he saved us.

He's like, he's like a hero!

He's the villain.

-I am the hero. -[imitates Cavendish]

Ah, ah? See?

Mr. Chase, I've got an idea!

If we turn left on Reese, maybe the Natural History Museum steps will slow us down!

And maybe we'll get to see that T-Rex!

At this point, I'm willing to try anything!

[Richard] Well, big surprise. We are not slowing down!

[screaming]

-Cool! -Nice!

Whoa! Awesome! [chuckles]

That sculpture is so cool, it makes me want to visit the fire truck museum!

[boy 1] So are fire trucks the reason dinosaurs went extinct?

[boy 2] Let's find out by going inside and paying admission!

-[boy 3] I wanna pay, too! -[boy 4] Come on!

Hey, we did get to see the T-Rex! [giggles]

-Milo, y'know... -[sad piano music playing]

...just spending the day with you has given me a new appreciation for...

Uh, excuse me, Mr. Chase.

Okay, Gus, we're all set at this end. Thanks a lot.

[sad music stops]

No problem, sonny!

You were saying?

Well, what I was saying is, I think I have a new appreciation for you and your... Condition.

Well said, Dad.

What I mean is, on some level, I think I can relate.

Part of my job is fighting an uncontrollable element. Fire.

All we can do is be prepared, think on our feet, and ride the wave.

Not a wave of fire, because those don't actually exist.

Well, actually, last summer, I...

I'd quit while you're ahead, Milo.

♪ It's my world And we're all livin' in it ♪

[Melissa] Okay, Milo. How about on a scale of one to ten?

[Milo] I would rate this a six.

[Melissa] I would say it's at least a seven or eight.

[Melissa] Wait, is ten the best or the worst?

[Zack] Uh, maybe we could rate this adventure later, you know, if we survive.

-And if we don't? -Then we don't rate it.

For now, can we just figure out the surviving part?

Well, we might be able to llama our way out of this.

Oh, just like the llama incident.

[laughs sarcastically] Okay, that's it.

You guys are always talking about the llama incident.

What is the llama incident?

I don't think we're always talking about it.

Yeah, what conversations would that even fit into?

A lot.

I would've had extras but you know, the llama incident.

Last time he came, there was a llama stampede.

My t-shirt launcher is still filled with knockout gas from the llama incident.

I've seen you walk a tightrope over stampeding llamas.

Llama incident.

Llama incident.

[both alternating] Lla. Ma. In. Ci. Dent.

[both] Llama incident.

Well, we might be able to llama our way out of this.

Oh, just like the llama incident.

Oh, I hadn't realized we talk about it so much.

Looks like we're gonna have to let him into the llama club, Milo.

All right, then. Sit back, relax and get ready to hear the llama story.

Actually, don't sit back because you'll fall to your doom.

It was last fall.

Melissa was stuck on a tightrope over the football field.

Milo, I can't do this much longer. What's the plan?

Not sure yet but I'm working on it.

Why are there all these llamas at the football game?

[groans]

[Milo] And that was the llama incident.

Hold on. How did the llamas wind up at the football game?

Okay, let me back up.

Back at the turn of the century...

-[Zack] Really? It starts in 1900? -[Milo] No, this century.

[Milo] The year 2000.

[Zack] Oh, okay. Go on.

[Milo] A man named Edwin Garner came into a large inheritance.

[Melissa] But the inheritance wasn't money.

What are these llamas doing here?

[in Boston accent] I told you, Uncle Irwin left me the llama farm.

Just not the farm part.

[Zack] Stop. Stop there.

Why does he have such a thick Boston accent?

-Oh, he was originally from Boston. -Oh, okay.

But I think you backtracked too far. Jump ahead.

Oh, okay. So, Garner bought a little theater in town, a little 99-seat place, Equity Waiver.

Anyway, 15 years later he had a whole string of them, and there was an avant garde play festival using Garner's llamas in the cast.

[Melissa] There were shows like Hello Dolly Llama, Annie Get Your Llama, Death of A Sales Llama.

Some of the titles were better than others.

[Milo] " Llamalet, it's Hamlet but with Llamas."

Well, I guess that quote says it all.

I always confuse camels and llamas.

Are llamas furry? Or is their skin like a briefcase?

Furry. Neither is like a briefcase.

I wonder what I'm thinking of.

-A briefcase? -That's it.

[Melissa] So, we're at Garner's theater, and all things considered, the play was going pretty well.

Hamlet had just asked for forgiveness but Laertes wasn't having any part of it.

I think.

And I thought it was hard to understand Shakespeare in human.

[Melissa] That's right around where Murphy's Law kicked in.

[llamas gasp]

[Milo] My backpack.

Stop that llama!

♪ Llama, llama Llama, llama, llama ♪

♪ Llama, llama Llama, llama, llama ♪

♪ Llama, llama Llama, llama, llama ♪

♪ Llama, llama Llama, llama, llama ♪

♪ Llama, llama, llama ♪

♪ Llama, llama, llama ♪

♪ Llama, llama, llama Llama, llama, llama llama, llama, llama ♪

♪ Here's a llama, there's a llama And another llama over there ♪

♪ We've got llamas to spare ♪

♪ There's a baby llama, and a papa And a mama llama in a llama mini-drama ♪

♪ Better beware ♪

♪ Como se llama, llama? What's the trauma? ♪

♪ Oh, llama, you're the b*mb-a and You're blowing up you're everywhere ♪

♪ Formal looking llama Is he on his way to prom-a? ♪

♪ It's hard to remain calm-a When you're overrun by llamas ♪

♪ Llama, llama, llama llama, llama, Llama LLAMA, llama, llama ♪

♪ Hey llama, you're the b*mb-a And you're blowing up you're everywhere ♪

♪ Llama, llama, llama ♪

[screaming]

♪ Llama, llama, llama ♪

♪ Llama, llama, llama ♪

♪ Llama, llama, llama Llama, llama, llama llama, llama, llama ♪

-[polar bear roaring] -[Melissa shrieking]

[Milo] And I got my backpack back.

Hold on, hold on, hold on. What's with the polar bear?

And how did you get from the glacier to the football game?

Well, we couldn't just leave those llamas on the iceberg.

So, I used my t-shirt cannon to sh**t knockout gas at the polar bear, which we used to frighten the llamas in a southerly direction.

From there, it was a simple matter of a dog sled, seaplane and public bus system back to town.

Okay, mission accomplished.

We just have to get these quadruped thespians back to their respective theaters.

But they seemed confused and unmotivated.

How do you motivate a llama?

Well, we could lure them with pistachios.

Pistachios?

Didn't you know that llamas love pistachios?

You're asking me?

I thought they had skin like a briefcase.

[Dakota] Who knew pistachio gelatin was so heavy?

Who knew pistachio gelatin existed?

I could've sworn I had some pistachios in here, somewhere.

[bird chirping]

Hey, I found them. Oh, that works, too.

Milo, what do I do?

[all grunting curiously]

If I were you, I'd probably run.

-So, then you went to the football game? -Let's see.

Hamlet, ballet, graduation, beauty salon, cargo ship, glacier, bus, pistachio gelatin, -giant spool of wire... -[Zack] Giant spool of wire?

Oh, right. Got ahead of myself.

So, Melissa ran as fast as she could, but the llamas were closing in.

She ran right into the football stadium.

Hey!

[Milo] With the llamas hot on her heels.

She's with me!

So, who are the llamas with?

Hut! Hey!

Take this!

[Melissa yells]

Your hooves are hard and leathery like a briefcase.

♪ One thing I can promise I've been all across this nation ♪

♪ Never seen so many llamas So here's my punctuation ♪

♪ Llama, comma Llama, comma ♪

♪ Llama, comma Llama, comma llama, comma ♪

♪ Llama, Oxford comma and llama ♪ Yeah!

-[whooping] -♪ Llama,llama, llama ♪

That's right, bring it up here. Now, tie it to the railing.

There you go, one drum of cable.

No, I said one drum for Mabel.

She left hers at home.

Oh, I get it. Drum of cable, drum for Mabel.

Boy, is my face red. I mean, they sound a lot alike and then they rhyme and all, but why would I think you need a big drum of cable up here?

And it was a lot of effort getting it up these stairs.

[Milo] This went on for several hours.

-[rapid tapping] -And... Wait, what's that noise?

Shoo! Stop that.

Go away, woodpecker.

Maybe we can distract him.

What do woodpeckers like to eat?

-Uh, branches. -Pistachio trees.

Yes, but the pistacia vera is a very sturdy wood.

That should give me enough time to tell you about the seat belts.

[tapping continues]

-Keep going. -Anyway, Melissa was getting pretty tired of running from llamas.

Milo, a little help here. I'm about to be llama chow.

I've got it, seat belts.

Whatever you're doing, do it better.

Melissa, grab the seat belt.

Milo, this isn't working.

[exclaims]

Whoa!

Oops, sorry. I didn't mean to throw it that high.

I was just startled by all these llamas.

Milo, I can't do this much longer. What's the plan?

Not sure yet but I'm working on it.

Why are there all these llamas at the football game?

[Milo] And that's basically it. The llama story. The end.

The end? What do you mean?

She's about to fall into stampeding llamas.

That's how we started.

Oh, well, you know she got down because she's right here.

By that logic, the only stories you would ever wanna hear would be told by dead people.

-Just tell me how she got down. -Okay.

[barks]

Melissa! I just remembered that Diogee is one quarter llama dog.

What does that even mean?

He herds llamas like a sheep dog herds sheep.

I've never seen him do that.

Oh, yeah. It just doesn't come up very often.

[speaking Spanish]

[Zack] Wait, wait, wait. Since when do you know Spanish?

Well...

[speaking Spanish]

[speaking Spanish]

Okay, okay, but how does Diogee know Spanish?

Well...

[speaking Spanish]

[barks]

-Just finish the llama story. -Okay.

[speaking Spanish]

[Diogee barking]

Good boy.

Now, jump.

No, I meant Melissa, but you're right, that was ambiguous.

Melissa, jump!

Are you sure?

Trust me.

[exclaims]

Oh, they're so soft.

They're not like a briefcase at all.

I know, right?

-[blows whistle] -[whooping]

And that was the llama incident.

Wow, no wonder you guys made a big deal about that story.

Yeah, it was legendary.

[tapping]

Guys, I got it. Seatbelts, pistachios, Diogee, llamas, woodpeckers.

I know how we can get down.

-Hurry, the branch is about to... -[all scream]

-[Milo] Hey, Mort, how's it going? -Not great.

I just got this job and I already dropped three of these flesh colored bags of red paint.

Hope you're having a better day than me.

We sure are. A few minutes ago, we were falling from a cliff.

Whoa, how did you survive?

Oh, you mean the woodpecker incident.

♪ Woodpecker, woodpecker, woodpecker, Woodpecker, woodpecker, woodpecker ♪

♪ We're all livin' in it ♪

♪ Go, Milo Go, Milo, go ♪

♪ Oh, thanks, everybody That is so motivational ♪

♪ Go, Milo Go, Milo, go ♪

♪ Whoa ♪

♪ I'm not sitting here Watching the world turn ♪

♪ You know I'd rather spin it ♪

♪ Go, Milo Go, Milo, go ♪

♪ It's my world And we're all livin' in it ♪