03x08 - Girl's Trip

[bunniefuu]

Frankie: Previously on "Workin' Moms"...

These are my boys.

- Is that the last piece?
- No.

- Give it to me!
- You want it?

Eat it!

We're not back together.

Okay, look, I had zero expectations.

You're the one that showed up here.

I am gonna try and
have a baby on my own.

- Wow.
- I know, right?

My friend is in so much pain.

She can't get pregnant.

Why can't she get pregnant?
Is her vag*na broken?

No it-her eggs are broken.

You need eggs?

I've got eggs.

I understand if you hate me.

Hey, how 'bout this?

I'd really like to not have
to see your face again.

But I'm gonna make that your problem.

♪

One phone call each.

♪

I'm gonna go.

Nathan, yes, Nathan. Hello.

Nathan: Kate, are you okay?

Oh yeah. I'm great. I'm in jail.

I'm high. Not super high,

just like a medium high,

like a baby birch tree high,
like a five-five high.

♪

Well Frankie, you get shotgun

♪ 'cause it's your birthday, ♪

♪ on the day you were born.
It was your birthday. ♪

Kate: Val!

What? I'm excited for our girls trip.

Like the thrilling film. (Chuckles)

I think I'm the Tiffany
Hadish of the group.

- Which one are you?
- The tired one.

So, Jada then.

- Val...
- All right.

(Seatbelt clicks, door opens)

You saddle Lionel with the kids?

No, he's at a Krav Maga competition.

- Excuse me?
- (Scoffs) I know, don't get me started.

A nightmare finding a sitter.

Yeah. Man, truth be told,

it's gonna feel good
to get outta town, you know,

really wrap my head around some stuff.

(Anne's phone buzzes)

God, you are blowin' up over there.

It's just work.

(Anne's phone buzzes)

You gonna get that?

Nope. I'm gonna turn this off.

Hi guys, check it out!

- You're pregnant?
- Holy sh*t, dude!

No, no, no, it's Bianca's!

Who the hell's Bianca?

And why am I touching her piss?

It's my old neighbour. Remember?

Yeah, I was helping her
get pregnant, and now she is.

Uh, uh! So cool!

Ugh! Gross!

How exciting.

Can you imagine,
my three besties locked in a car.

What could be better? Tally ho!

♪

♪

Val: And here we are!
Mi cottage, es su cottage.

This is your cottage? This is gorgeous!

It wasn't always so nice,

but the Mountie's a
real property brother.

Cool! Well, whadda ya wanna do first?

- Kate: Uh, I dunno.
- Swimming?

Val: No, uh that's a no-go.

The lake is very contaminated.

Yeah, part of the reason
the place was so cheap.

Val: I'd stay away from the hills.

Rumor has it the deer are in heat,

and I do not wanna wrestle
another horny deer.

Maybe I'll check my email.
What's your Wi-Fi?

- We don't have one.
- No Wi-Fi?

- Not a lick.
- What do you do here?

Well, I was gonna save it as a surprise,

but twist my rubber arm.

It's Joseph and Jacob's no-no box.

A whole lifetime of items,
confiscated from my boys.

Almost makes me emotional.

Wait, what are these?

Christmas presents after
they ruined all their socks.

You're saying they put their...

- their dongs in here?
- Mhmm.

- Ugh.
- From the sounds of it,

they put some anger in there, too.
Those poor penises.

- You gave those to your kids?
- Mhm.

I had to take them away after
they brought them to school.

So, what are you ladies thinking?

Oh, dice gambling. No.

What else? Ooh, there is this!

- Kate: What the f*ck is that?
- Is that LSD?

The boys were crying into the
mirror when I confiscated it,

so it must be what they call,
"the good sh*t."

Let's-do-that!

Oh!

Not a chance. No.

Yeah, last time I did psychedelics,

I was fired from two jobs. Hard pass.

Oh.

(Beatboxing)

- ♪ Let's do LSD ♪
- ♪ LSD LSD ♪

♪ We're gonna, gonna do the LSD ♪

♪ Wanna gonna do it! ♪

- ♪ LSD ♪
- ♪ Why no do it! ♪

(Sighs)

♪

Now we wait.

There's gotta be something
else to do around here.

Hey, can I get your read on something?

I don't know what to do about Mike.

Is that the one that's
hooked on your tit milk?

No, the other one.

- Oh, the giant.
- Uh huh.

What's to do?
Do whatever you want, you're single!

Yeah, I guess it's um,

it's more complicated than that.

No, it's not.
If you like him, go for it.

Every new guy puts Nathan
further in the past.

(Sighs)

- He is in the past, right?
- Hmm?

- (Kate's phone buzzes)
- Oh.

Oh, that's weird.

Why am I getting a call from your house?

- Don't.
- Hello?

- Alice: Kate?
- Alice, hi.

Nope, I got this. Thank you. Hi, hello?

(Door creaks open)

Why are you calling me on Kate's phone?

Because you are not
answering your phone,

and neither is dad. Why?

Well, because your father
is crane-kicking

another grown man right now,

and I had to turn my
phone off because you,

and she who cannot be named,
texted me 500 times.

- What do you want?
- Well, Mean Nanny...

Shh! I just said, don't say her name!

- Mean Nanny? Why?
- Shush! Don't!

Why would we come up with code names

if you're not gonna honor the system?

Kate: Anne, I need my phone!

Alice: You're so weird.

Do not call me, and do not text me.

You need help, call the cops!

♪

Frankie: Guys, I found some magazines!

Oh man.

Princess Diana cheated?

You know what? Good for her.

What? Charles was cheating,
I'm glad she got some.

God, the temperature in here
is weird, right?

Anyone else feelin' that?

Like, I'm feelin' very... temperature.

How long do we have
'til this stuff kicks in?

'Til what kicks in?

(Inhale sizzles, popping donuts)

This is a bad start. Oh God.

No, hey. Help her.

My buds and I,

they're gonna take
real good care of you.

Your buds?

(Chuckles)

Ah, must feel so good to get
away from those demon boys.

Oh, they're not so bad.

Sweet baby Jay is still a virgin.

Oh, he's got time!

He should wait! It's good to wait.

I just wanna be with somebody
I can fart in front of.

- Me too!
- Ugh!

- 'Cause that is trust.
- That is trust.

We need to find a way to express this.

Oh!

♪

(Deep inhales and exhales)

- See?
- Oh, it's happening.

It's coming up, the words
are coming, it's happening.

What's happening?

Mean Nanny's at my house right now.

What?

Okay, it's okay, don't worry.

Does-does Lionel know?
And where is Alice?

Oh God, we uh,

I hired her back just for a minute,
just for the weekend.

What the hell, Anne?

Do you need to text her?

No! How?

How could you do that?
How could you hire her back?

Because, she has this way with Alice,

and I really need that right now.

She-I can't just leave her with anybody.

She made a whole class sh*t themselves!

Okay, you know what?
This weekend is ruined anyway.

I am sleeping with Nathan again.

What? Do you think that's a good idea?

Probably not,

but you have lost your right
to weigh-in on that,

and now I'm going on an anger walk.

No! No, Kate!

Kate! You get back here,

we have got to talk about this!

Kate Mirabelle Foster!

Don't you full-name me.
Let's go guys, come on!

(Psychedelic music)

Just think Bianca has a tiny seed

growing in her vag*na garden, right now.

I feel like this
mythical Bianca creature

- is very special to you.
- She is, yeah.

Wow, I mean I just...

I just like her a whole lot.

And it is kinda scary.

But she's my friend,

she's my best friend.

Okay, no need to, to rub it in.

If we never hook up,

then we never-break up. You know?

I don't wanna divorce Bianca.

I wanna be with Bianca!

Yes, you do! You found love!

Oh! (Laughs)

Grab it with both tendrils.

Tendrils.

Oh-Gay!

Oh God.

I thought you were at a labia seminar?

It was a labor seminar,
and I was lying to you,

so you would leave me alone
and for once in my life

I could have a little fun.

What are you doing here?

We need one of the bedrooms.

Jacob's finally gonna
get his bean snapped.

Grow up, Joe.

Um, Val, this situation's
kinda bummin' me out.

And I really think I should go tell her.

You should.

I'll get my keys.

Oh, I don't...

I don't think either of us should drive.

(Giggling)

You're right.

♪

This is exciting.

What are you gonna say to her,
when you see her?

Oh yeah, maybe like I don't know...

Bianca we're all made of dirt.

Maybe something more specific?

Right, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, I gotta,
I gotta get this right.

What if she doesn't feel the same way?

I'd be lost!

I know what you mean.

I'm lost right now.

What?

Really? Really?

(Laughing)

(Wind gusts)

Ah... no, it's right this way.

Val!

Back to the cottage for a map.

- And we forgot to bring snacks!
- Wow geez!

♪

Val!

♪

(Birds chirping)

Oh my God. Oh my God.

(Distorted breathing sounds)

Okay.

Oh! Oh! Oh!

You're a reindeer.

(Breathing loud)

Reindeer: Hi.

Say that again?

- Hi.
- Dad?

Yes?

(Exhales in disbelieve)

Oh my God, you're a Patronus!

What the hell is that?

I just wanted to swing by
and make sure you're okay.

Your life seems a little
more complicated these days.

You mean with Nathan.

I know you want me to forgive him.

I just-I don't think I can.

Well, look, honey, it's up to you.

Marriage is just a choice. Every day.

I love you, kid.

I love you.

- Anne: Kate!
- Anne?

Kate, where are you?

Anne, I should...

go.

(Birds chirping)

Now I must have a map
around here somewhere.

Is everything in here breathing?

It is.

It's as if it's an entirely new
room I've never seen before.

(Door squeaks open)

George, call the police!

Oh, this is not my cottage.

Kate: Anne!

Anne: Kate, where are you?

Anne!

Anne: Follow the sound of my voice.

Oh. Anne.

Oh, hey.

You shouldn't have run off like that.

I don't know where we are.

Neither do I.

Jesus, I'm freezing.

Yeah, your shirt b*rned pretty quickly.

- Well, I hope you're happy.
- I'm not happy,

because apparently you think it's okay
to bring that woman into your house.

- (Scoffs)
- But meanwhile,

if I sleep with my husband,
the father of my children,

- I'm the bad guy.
- He hurt you!

And so did she, Anne!

And now, so did you! Selfish!

(Gasps) Rude!

You sleeping with him
is a big emotional risk.

You don't think I am not
judging myself enough already?

- Stop it!
- You stop it!

I can't!

But I can be a good mother,
and I can be a good friend.

If you wanna be a good friend, Anne,

you gotta have my back
no matter what I decide.

- I do!
- Do you?

'Cause I might go back
to Nathan, you know.

Well... after my one-off.

Huh?

My one-my one-off. You know?

- Oh, the giant!
- Yeah.

- (Laughing)
- (Police siren wails)

- No!
- Oh.

There's no breathalyzer for LSD,
so just act cool.

(Tires rumble on gravel)

Hey.

Are you all together?

Kate, Anne! My very best friends!

What are the chances?

Reunited and it feels so good.

Mhm.

You ladies should get in.

- Watch your heads, please.
- (Door opens)

- Kate: Oh God.
- Val: Run!

- What? No!
- Run!

- Come on!
- Officer: Val!

You know you ain't
gonna go nowhere, girl!

- Let's go, froggy feet!
- Has she done this before?

Mhm.

Val! Honey!

Come on back. Come on back,

- it's all right!
- She's very fast.

Yeah.

She's comin' back, it's gonna be fine.

What is this? Are we in trouble?

For what? For living? Please!

No, for the illegal substances.

- Oh. You mean these?
- Stop it.

(Birds chirping)

I have nothing to hide.

What? What are you...?

Oh come on, you don't have to do that.

There is no way they're
gonna do a cavity search.

It's such a small station.

Probably don't even have
the gloves. There we...

there we... go.

Whew!

(Footsteps thud)

One phone call each.

♪

I know. Where are you? Go home.

I need you to get rid of,
of the Mean Nanny.

Lionel: What? Me and some of the guys

- were gonna take a sauna.
- No. Go home right now, okay.

It was a horrible mistake.

You tell her she can never
come back. Okay?

Even if Alice is standing
in the middle of the road

staring down a cop car
with her shirt on fire.

Lionel: Everything okay over there?

Uh huh. The police officer
gave me her shirt.

Lionel: What? Officer? What?

I love you.

- Fire the witch.
- (Receiver slams)

(Small laugh)

I love you.

I'm... in love with you.

I think I've always
been in love with you,

but I'm just not...

(Laughs) Oh.

I'm just so glad we got-we
got to know each other first.

(Man in Russian) I don't understand.

(Continues speaking in Russian)

Oh. Oh no. Um, no...

hey, can I uh, I think I screwed up.

Can I get a do-over real quick?

Jay, come on, your mom
really needs your help here.

Come on! I almost k*lled all
the prostitutes on this level.

Is there anyone there who can help?

Kate: Nathan...

Nathan: Kate, do you need help?

Uh no, Val fixed it with her butt.

But if we're gonna,
like move forward together,

like in any-any direction,

- we've gotta start being honest.
- Okay.

I slept with Forrest.

Nathan: Who?

He's uncircumcised,
which was interesting.

So much fabric.

The sex was good though.

I thought it would be weirder,
but it wasn't,

except for the foreskin which,
no offense to anyone,

was a bit weird.

Nathan: Right, well,
thank you for your honesty.

Can't say I like hearing it,

but I don't really have much
of a leg to stand on, so.

And Mike, he's like all business,

no time for extra.

And I can't exactly imagine
him in a turtleneck.

He would be too restricted. Hello?

Your ride's here. Ladies!

- (Cheering and giggling)
- Thank God!

Where do you think we're going?

- Val: Best day ever!
- Kate: I hope we're going

somewhere where there is snacks.

(Engine cuts out)

(Doors open and slam)

Thanks for picking us up.
It was so nice of you.

Well, Jake and Joe had a beer
each and fell asleep, so...

Should we do something for her?

I got this.

Valerie, come here, girl.

♪

♪

♪

♪

Thanks for taking care of me.

- I owe you a shirt.
- (Chuckles)

Hey look, I um...

I did end up meeting up with Renya.

What? When? How?

What did you...?

We had a drink,

and I went in thinking I was
gonna be all tough on her

and I just ended up
feeling really bad for her.

Yeah, you can't look too
closely at the people you hate.

You just end up feeling sorry for them

- and their shitty lives.
- Uh huh.

I thought she was this
like wild temptress.

She's just a sad kid!

Empathy can really
ruin a good rage boner.

Well, that being said,

I'd be happy never
seeing her face again.

You won't. I promise.

Well, last night was pretty wild!

All: (Chuckling)

I actually had a lot of fun.

We should get on the road soon, though.

I miss my little poisoner.

I miss my dummies, too.

I don't miss my boys.

They're serpents,
always shedding their skin.

And they're stupid.

Well, bummer for you, guys,
but Rhoda's a genius.

- Hey, happy birthday, Frank!
- Oh Yeah! Happy birthday!

(Mugs clink)

♪ Gonna get myself a new bed ♪

♪ When I think about it in my head ♪

♪ It goes on and on ♪

♪ I think all the things
I was doing wrong, never ♪

♪ I think about all I
say and I wanna own ♪

♪ Oh I think about how
I wanna be like you ♪