03x09 - g*ns 'n' Deception

[bunniefuu]

Previously on "Workin' Moms"...

Take away our clinic,
you take away our tampons!

This is such a brilliant idea.

Oh hey, look alive.

Hi, Priya Rajvath, Source Toronto News.

Wow, this is intense.

I would smash his camera

and his precious fancy photography gear.

Let's explore that fantasy.

You mean these? Don't worry.
I will get rid.

No, come on, you don't have to do that.

Oh. Ah!

Hey Val, how you feelin'?

Stop worrying about me, Kate. I'm fine.

Just a little acid up the butt.

I'm done trippin'.

(Gasps)

Mhmm...

I think I'm gonna drop
Ella off with my mom today.

Oh sh*t, I totally forgot,

I'm supposed to meet the landlord here.

Oh, don't worry,
I'll stick around to make sure

- he doesn't slack on the job.
- Oh really? Thank you!

No problem.

You know, that work
should've been done months ago.

Nothing tugs at my nips
like a lazy landlord!

Mm, I hear ya.

I'll see ya tonight?
Oh, and, for the road?

Oh, thank you.

Val, you're incredible.

Which makes this conversation
a little bit difficult.

Um...

So look, I'm not gonna need you to...

Not another word.

The time has come.

You're ready to handle
the nights on your own.

Yeah.

Or at least try.

Hold on, I've got something
in my purse for the kids.

A memento from my time

as their sweet dreams chaperone.

Oh really? Oh.

- Yeah.
- Wow.

You're welcome. Press the button.

There's a... there is.

(Scratchy recording of Val)
♪ Twinkle Twinkle ♪

♪ Little star ♪

♪ How I wonder what you are ♪

You know what?
The kids are just gonna, um...

they're gonna cherish this.
How do I make it stop?

You don't.

It's continuous.

♪♪♪

- Holy sh*t... oh!
- (Cell phone buzzes)

Oh. Rosie!

Rosie: Kate, you did it.
You saved the clinic.

The campaign was just awesome!

The free bleed, the whole
crotch bombing graffiti thing!

Yeah, I hired this art school
kid who goes by "The Puke"

to hit a couple posters in the subway,

now it's got a life of its own.

You've inspired a league of renegade
menstrual justice warriors!

I, I don't even know what that is,

but I do know that I've counted like,
six fresh crotches this morning,

and I know they're not ours,
'cause The Puke's in Berlin.

Oh, I should've trusted your judgment.

I may have acted a little rashly.

Woman: Order's up!

Rosie: Okay,
I am not bussing that table!

Kate, any chance
I could get my job back?

Oh, thank God, Rosie, because honestly,

you mean so much to...
oh my God, they got Frankie.

That was a lot. There's a lot of gore.

(Cars rumble, horn honks)

♪♪♪

(Sighs heavily)

(Sharply indrawn breath)

- You okay?
- Oh!

I can't handle all this puking.

It's like an ab workout, minus the gym.

Or like a sea cruise minus the sea,

minus the boat,
the all-you-can-eat shrimp.

Oh...

Well, I've prepared a first trimester
breakfast of champions:

chipped ice and a spoon.

This is perfect. Thank you.

I mean, no problem.

Because I actually love you.

- Yeah.
- No, I love you.

(Ice rattles)

Like I'm, I'm in love with you.

What?

Oh wow, you don't feel the same way?

No, no, no, no, no,
I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry!

I know, I know, you wanna be single.

This was such a breach
of our friendship.

Oh, why did I do that?

(Sighs heavily)

♪♪♪

♪ Wait before I wake ♪

God, you're into it?
What? That's the best.

That's the best!

♪ In this place before and ever after ♪

♪ Nobody does it like you ♪

I love you, too.

Come here.

Muah! Mm...

(Sighs contentedly)

There's something I wanna show you.

(Door latch clicks, door creaks open)

Wow!

Um...

that's...

that's a nice touch, yeah.

What do you think?

What a beautiful crossery.

Nursery.

Wait, what did I say?

Uh, I think you said crossery?

Did I?

- Thanks for coming back.
- Well, you called me enough.

I mean, you're worse than my ex.
He's been texting me like crazy.

Okay, about that,
I didn't tell you to smash his stuff.

Okay, we were playing out
some fantasy scenarios,

and look, the point is that

you need to completely
disengage from this person.

- He's a danger to you.
- Yeah, no sh*t.

He's been threatening me,

saying all sorts of crazy stuff.

So, I went over there to talk to him.

- You what?
- And I...

I found something.

Holy sh*t, Georgia,
why did you take that?

I don't know, in case he uses it on me.

I was afraid to take it to the cops
because of what I did to his stuff,

but I can't take it home
because it's a f*cking g*n!

Okay. It's okay, just leave it with me.

Thank you.
You're like, my guardian angel.

(Drawer rattles, thunks shut)

I wish you were my mom.

Well, I'm like, 10 years older than you.

Really? But I'm 20.

Okay, let's,
let's just keep going here, okay?

♪♪♪

(Traffic rumbles)

Excuse me, are you a farm animal?

No grazing at your desk.

And that better not be a personal call!

- (Book thunks)
- Put the book away!

You're late, Gary.

A new barista screwed up my order,

and spelled my name with an "ie."

Well, there's coffee
in the staff kitchen.

Well, not espresso.

The machine's been broken for months.

Uh Jenny, can I speak to you?

Hmm. Ooh, ooh! I have an idea!

Uh, if you love espresso so much,

maybe you should just go take
the stupid barista's job.

Yeah?

So, what's up?

Well, I gotta say,

you've been making a
real impact as manager.

Even better than Laura.

And everybody's just
way more productive.

Hmm, well thank you, Marvin.

Yeah, it's basically
all about communication.

Well, I mean,
the staff kinda hate you, but...

you know, we never had these
kind of numbers before,

so keep it up.

Um... look,

I need to take some time off, so um,

since you've been running
things so smoothly,

I thought that I could get out
of town for a couple of days.

Okay, you're not going to some
gay comic book thing, are you? (Laughs)

Do not use gay as a pejorative, Jenny!

And yes, I am.

So I'm leaving you in charge
for the rest of the week.

You'll handle payroll,
but it's not a big deal.

Oh so...

I'll be the boss?

Yeah.

Oh, do I get to sit in your office?

- Uh, sure.
- Can I fire Gary?

Why?

Uh, well, he's stalking me.

- Is he?
- Yeah, he wishes!

Are you taking this seriously?

Yes! Yes, fine.

(Clears throat) I will
do your boring job.

(Lighter clicks, flame hisses)

(Chair creaks)

- Howdy, Steve.
- Kate!

(Chuckles)

Well, I just got back from Calgary.

Listen, I-met with some folks
from the Stampede,

Stanton's gonna sponsor a chuckwagon
in the derby next year.

- Cool!
- I love it out west.

- Yeah?
- Oh, I love the vibe.

Everyone's wearing cowboy hats,

and I'd like to get that goin' here.

Mhm. So look, so I brought the artwork
with the changes you requested.

Oh, oh yeah.

Hey, I heard you saved
that hooker hospital.

Hooker hospital?
You mean the women's clinic.

Listen,
I've been in business for 40 years.

You think I don't know how,
how charity works?

(Inhales deeply)

Oh, I donate. (Coughs)

I donate money to all kinds of crap,

not because I'm Jesus,

but because I know how to play the game.

Speaking of which,

you familiar with Lotus Flower?

Uh, the yoga pants company.

Right, right.
Jared Percy, CEO of Lotus Flower,

well he, he is downward dog
in a pile of doo-doo

for giving a chubby airline
attendant a hard time.

No, thank you.

You haven't heard the offer yet.

I'm not interested.

I told him that you could help him out.

Well, you sh-shouldn't have.

I shouldn't have?

(Grunts)

Kate, Kate, Kate.

You know what,
I introduced you to MOOD as an ally,

and you have benefitted
from my endorsement,

so I think you owe me one.

I don't. I don't owe you anything.

I'm sorry, truly, but I'm...
a businesswoman.

I, I'm not a friend of MOOD.

Ha, right! Yeah, genius businesswoman.

You've got one real client,
and it's Stanton,

so you can't afford to disappoint me.

Yeah.

You're right.

But I'm going to anyway.

I quit.

Uh, what?

Bitch!

Don't validate her parking!

(Door opens)

Oh hi, uh, you're not Kate.

Oh, I wish!

Valerie Szalinsky.
You must be the landlord.

And you're late.

Is she subletting this place to you?

Oh, I happen to be Kate Foster's BFF.

And I won't see the
dignity of a hardworking,

single mother compromised
by a slum lord like yourself.

Whoa, slum lord? Now, hold on a second.

Oh, I would hold on, if I had the time,

but I don't, too many things to fix!

Now try to keep up.

(Door creaks, slams shut)

(Tools rattle)

Ah. Ah.

(Tools rattle)

(Clanking)

That should about do it.

Oh! Hold on a second, there.

Are you sure you tightened

- all the appropriate nuts?
- (Water splashes)

Yep, no more leak.

- Just looking out for my friend.
- Oh!

Thank you.

Well, she's lucky to have you.

Well, I'm sure your wife

appreciates all your handiwork at home?

(Chuckles) Never been married.

- Oh.
- Never found the right fit.

Well, take your time.

Otherwise you might wake up
one day and wonder

what happened to your partner,
and your sock drawer.

Sock drawer?

He left me, and he took all my socks.

Oh, well, if you don't mind me saying,

you must be crazy to have left you.

(Laughs) Oh, you've got big hands.

Oh, yeah.

You wouldn't wanna
share a popcorn with me.

Well, I wouldn't make any assumptions.

(Chuckles) I am pretty good on the keys.

A musician, huh.

What else do you do?

Landlord, and general contractor.

If you ever need anything fixed...

gimme a call.

Hmm. Mel Boyd.

(Chuckles)

(Door creaks, slams)

(Sniffs deeply, exhales)

(Birds chirp, traffic rumbles)

(Papers rustle)

I want Anne Carlson.

Okay, do you have an appointment?

No. Just tell me where she is.

That bitch told my ex
to destroy my f*cking life.

$20 grand worth of
photography equipment!

No! Hey! Carlson knows
what she did to me,

because she told her to f*cking do it!

Now I know that Georgia was here today,

so where is she?!

- Calm down, or I'll...
- Leave her alone!

- Iris, go!
- What the f*ck?

- Are you Dr. Carlson?
- You will leave Georgia alone,

and you will never set
foot in this place again,

or I will report you and
this g*n to the authorities!

Is that my f*cking g*n? Gimme that!

This is self-defense!

Go!

Uh huh.

(Panting heavily)

(Shaky sigh)

(Grunts)

♪ Push me off the deep end ♪

♪ Just to see how I swim ♪

♪♪♪

♪ Keep my head above water ♪

♪ Oh, would I give in ♪

- Mike: Kate?
- Kate: Oh, hi.

Hi, I got your call. Is everything okay?

I just dumped Steve Malk,

and told him MOOD could kiss my ass.

(Laughs) You actually said that?

Yeah, granted
he was wearing a cowboy hat.

The whole thing felt
very high-noon, wild west.

Aren't they your only
source of income right now?

Mhm. But it felt so good
to work for that clinic,

- you know?
- Mhmm.

I wanna find more clients
that I believe in.

Speaking of, do you have any leads

that don't directly conflict with...

(Clears throat)

You're looking for a handout.

(Scoffs)

You know, you can be a real assh*le.

(Sighs)

Ah...

- I'm not an assh*le.
- Yeah?

- No.
- You sure about that?

Positive.

Then prove it,

assh*le.

♪♪♪

(Both chuckle)

♪♪♪

Headmaster: As you know,

our big Hallows Eve celebration

is just around the corner,
and every year, we ask...

Mrs. Foster, perhaps you'd like
to be in charge of attendance,

and by that, I mean your own.

Fair enough.

Once again, Hallows Eve celebration

is just around the corner,
and every year

we ask our parents just to help make it

special and memorable for our toddlers.

Our toddlers won't even
remember this event.

(Children laugh and holler)

(Traffic rumbles)

(Loud engine roars)

(Engine shuts off)

- Hey.
- Hey.

- Thanks for dropping her off.
- Yeah, no problem.

- Can I talk to you for a second?
- Uh, sure.

Alice, do you wanna
just give us a minute?

So, any incidents to report?
Suspicious diarrhea?

Shoplifting? Catch 'em doing body sh*ts?

Uh, no this is a little awkward.

Okay.

We found a thong in
Brenna's underwear drawer.

A thong? Wow, she's 12,

you might wanna have a little check-in
about age-appropriate underwear.

Well, we think she got it from Alice.

(Laughs) Alice, come on in, honey.

Alice doesn't own a thong,
and if she did,

she wouldn't share it with a friend,
because that's super gross.

- What the hell, mom?
- See?

Full transparency, full butt.

Okay. Well uh,
we'll just talk to Brenna about it.

Great, fantastic!

It's 2019, you can't just
pull someone's pants down!

- (Knocking)
- Jenny: Ian!

(Knocking)

(Waking) Oh.

(Floorboards creak)

Oh boy.

Hi.

Oh my God. What happened?

- Drove over my foot.
- What?

Yeah. Huh!

They gave me the painkillers
in the emergency room at the hospital.

Oh! I can't feel any pain.

Like in my foot,

or in my emotions.

Which is good, considering

my life is screwed.

Oh, don't be so dramatic.

Well, I can't work with a busted foot,

and I can't claim worker's comp either,

because it was off-hours.

And then there's the other car.

I thought I was broke before,

but now I'm pretty much dead.

Ah...

you look good.

Thanks.

I'm higher status at work now,

so I have to dress like it.

Oh boy. I gotta take another pill.

I can feel feelings again.

(Pills rattle)

Look, this new position at work

means I'm basically
in charge of everything,

including payroll,

so technically, I have hiring power.

So you can get me a job?

No, Ian, not actually,

but I can get you paid until
you're back on both feet again.

No one will even notice.

Well, normally you know
how I feel about lying,

but right now,

all I feel is this...

full-body hum.

Okay, I'm ordering food
and looking after you both.

Eleanor: So are you coming, or what?

Yeah, thanks, mom,
I'll be there in about 20

if you wanna have Ella ready to go.

Tick, tock.

- Man: Oh! Ohhh...
- f*ck!

- Eleanor: Kate?
- Call you back, mom.

(Man groaning)

Oh my God. What happened?

What is it... Forest?!

Oh my God! Oh my God, what happened?

I found you. I was...

I was looking all over
the place for you.

The office,
the cereal restaurant, I got you!

Okay.

You should keep your voice down,
what's goin' on?

- You thought I was stupid.
- What? No!

I know what happened now.

You manipulated me
with your sex and breasts,

and basically forced me to quit my job.

That is not true, and you know it!

What is going on? Why are you so drunk?

I'm celebrating.

I just filed a sexual harassment suit
against your butt. (Retches)

Why would you do that?

Oh! It's all cereal and pico de gallo!

Get outta here! Shoo! Go!

Hi. I think there's a salmonella.

Bad romaine.

Son of a bitch!

(Skateboard thuds)

(Traffic rumbles)

Lionel: Okay,
everyone clear your plates!

Alice? Alice?! Alice!

Oh! Just...

Hey, careful with that!

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

(Vent closes)

♪♪♪

(Door shuts)

Hey, just so you know,
the rest of the pork chops

are in the fridge.