03x10 - Creamed

[bunniefuu]

Previously on "Workin' Moms"...

- What do you think?
- Wow, what a beautiful crossery.

Nursery.

Wait, what did I say?

I just filed a sexual harassment suit
against you, bud.

Why would you do that?

Oh, it's all cereal and pico de gallo!

Is that my f*cking g*n? Gimme that!

This is self defence! Go!

Okay, I'm coming.

Stop! I hear you! Ugh!

How 'bout you bang louder next time?

- Why?
- Why?

How can I help you?

- Are you Kate Foster?
- Why?

You need to answer yes or no,
so I can do the next part.

Oh my-oh my God,
are you serving me right now?

- No.
- Fine, I'm Kate Fos...

- You've been served!
- You don't have to say it.

- Served! You've been served.
- Get outta here!

Scram!

Looks like mommy's a predator.

- Hey.
- Oh, hey.

I'm so sorry I'm running late.
Should we just go in and...

Wait, something goin' on? You okay?

Oh yeah uh, just a little
little hiccup of a work thing,

just a little work legal lawsuit.

Kinda-but I'm figuring it out. I got it.

- Are you suing somebody?
- No, I am not.

- Oh, someone's suing you.
- Yeah.

You know, I'm a lawyer, I can help.

You don't wanna be involved
with this, trust me.

Yes, I do! I do.

It's embarrassing.

Hey, no judgment. Come on, tell me.

Okay.

- Sexual harassment?
- You said no judgment!

I'm sorry, I just...

Richard's son? Foreskin Forrest?

Yeah, that's him.

Ugh God, but it doesn't even
make sense why he's doing this.

It was a completely consensual,
healthy-ish relationship.

But he worked for you?

He did work for me, yup.

- Not wise.
- Okay.

Ugh, I guess this is what happens

when ya hook up with a 22-year-old.

Kate,

- he's not 22.
- Well... yeah. Hm.

Oh my God.

Okay um,

I'm gonna get ya outta this. I promise.

I'll try it, but going to a
movie and dinner by myself?

- I'll look like a loser.
- No, you'll look like someone

who's comfortable in his own skin.

- Women like that.
- Okay, yeah, I-I'll do it.

Great. I expect a full report next week.

Hey, um,
so did you take it to the police?

- Sorry?
- The g*n.

Yes, yup. Took it,

filled out all the paperwork
and yup, all that.

Okay.

Wow, that was so brave of you.

I keep replaying the
whole thing in my head,

and I gotta say,

you looked so comfortable
holding that thing.

All clear! There ya go!

What?!

Nice form! Remember,
the stronger your grip,

the more control you're
gonna have over that recoil.

- How's it feel?
- Great. Really great!

Can I ask you a question?

Like how much-how much
do you love Jesus?

I never thought to measure it.

Like, I love Donald Sutherland,

but I'm not gonna wait outside
his hotel when he's in town.

So uh...

it makes you uncomfortable.

Listen, I'm sure Jesus is a solid dude,

but yeah, I'm not gonna lie,

the people who love him
kinda make me squeamish.

I get that.

Look, when I was a kid,

my family was religious,

and I thought it was weird too.

But then, when I couldn't get pregnant,

I started thinking maybe
there's something to praying,

so I started.

And then this happened.

And I can't stop now, Frankie.

Well, that's...
that's more like superstition.

No, it's more than that.

I like the way my faith makes me feel.

I like having a community, a family.

Well, you do have a family.

Right, me, G, Rhodes, Juniper.

I know, she's an acquired taste.

Mhmm.

You know, maybe we should all
spend some more time together,

have a dinner.

Okay.

Just take it easy on the Jesus,
'cause...

I'll try not to speak in tongues.

- Deal.
- Good night.

Good night.

_

- What's up?
- Oh, uh nothing.

Hey, should I call the school?

Am I gonna be late to pick up Charlie?

Don't worry. If Forrest is
as dumb as you say he is,

this won't take long.

Um, you know what? Call your mother,

have her pick up Charlie.

What? Why?

I didn't know he got Ginny Kelly.

Who is-do you know her?

- Everybody knows her. She's...
- The best!

Have a seat, everyone!

As a result of an inappropriate
sexual relationship in the workplace,

Mr. Greenwood is seeking damages

for emotional distress
amounting to $50,000.

The purpose of this cross-examination

is to find possible solutions
to avoid going to trial.

Ms. Kelly, you may begin.

Ms. Foster, am I correct
that the requirements

of Mr. Greenwood's job were that he be

of complete service to you,

outside the confines of the office

and beyond the hours of 9 to 5?

Well, assistance, not service.

And Ms. Foster, do you think
you created an environment

in which Mr. Greenwood
may have found it difficult

to discern which needs
were professional,

and which were... carnal?

I mean, you would have
to be a complete moron

- to not know the difference.
- You're a moron!

On the evening the
relationship was consummated,

Mr. Greenwood claims
he came to your residence

under the pretense
of a work-related call.

My client has no memory
of this phone call.

- None.
- Yes, you do.

You said it was your birthday,
so I couldn't like,

- not come over.
- Mhmm.

And so, from this point on,

young Mr. Greenwood here, had no choice,

but to assume that sexual favors

were a condition of his job description.

Unless you have a transcript
of this phone call,

- you have no legs to stand on.
- No legs. Legless.

Ms. Foster, what is
the official workplace romance

and sexual harassment policy
at Kate Foster Public Relations?

Well, we um, we have been...

really... it's just not typed...
We don't have one.

Because that would
have completely upended

- your entire plan.
- Oh, let me guess,

pearls over here,
thinks I just run a PR firm

to enlist young male assistants
for sexual servitude.

- Kate, stop talking.
- I knew it.

You fed me your breast milk
so I would get addicted.

- Mhmm.
- May I call recess, please?

Yeah, that sounds good.

No, no, no, no. No, no, no.

How dare she? How dare she?
In our house?

I don't think so. No, no, no, no! No!

- Nothing! Hmm?
- What? Hmm?

The air conditioning is working
really great down here.

- What? Who cares?
- What is that?

This? Great question, Anne.

I will tell you what it is not.

It is not a USB key.

I know that, because I tried
plugging it into my computer.

Okay, so what is it then? God!

It's a snake! A snake! And it's Alice's!

What is a snake... oh.

Is that-is that like a junior vibrator?

What? No! Ugh! It's like a vape thing,

like a cigarette for smoking!

It's like a Gameboy,

if a Gameboy had a baby with a cigarette

and left it in our daughter's
underwear drawer.

What are you doing in
her underwear drawer?

I was looking for a thong,
which I also found,

but that's not the point.

What are we gonna do about this?
Hmm? Hmm?

How does it even work? Whadda ya do?

Do you just like...

- Mhm. Mhm.
- Wow.

- I need water. I need water.
- Lionel...

Tastes like mango.

Holy sh*t.
Are we getting creamed right now?

- More like breast milked.
- I'm sorry.

- Kate...
- I know, I know.

Look, if-if you're
too uncomfortable with this,

I can do this on my own.

I'm not going anywhere.

Look, the only way
we're gonna get outta this

is if we can prove that you...
you were in an adult,

consensual relationship with a person
above the age of majority,

whose job security
wasn't being threatened.

And, you can do that?

Provided I don't vomit first, yes.

- I need to see your phone.
- What?

Photos, texts, videos,

whatever he sent you, I gotta see it.

Are you sure?

That's your only ticket outta this.

- Just...
- Okay. Oh.

I know. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Where were some of the places

that you coerced Mr.
Greenwood into servitude,

and forced breastfeeding?

Leading. Please rephrase.

Where'd ya bang?

Um, my apartment,

his house, well, his father's house.

- Your car once.
- Right,

not the most practical
location on account of the...

well, the car seats for the children.

- Still pretty cool, though.
- Sure.

Yes, thank you.
But that wasn't all, was it?

There was the office, the closet,

the restaurant bathroom,
the noodle place,

somebody else's car, the alleyway...

Jesus, an alley?

We never had sex in an alleyway,
I don't even...

- Second base counts.
- It does.

Okay, Forrest, that is it
for the locations, though.

Objection!
I finger-blasted you at the gym!

- Remember that?
- Holy sh*t.

I think that's enough

- of this line of questioning.
- Indeed.

There's gotta be
something devious on here.

Show yourself.

Okay, you have got to stop
creepin' on Alice's Insta.

What? All parents do it,
it'd be irresponsible not to.

Hmm.

Sorry I'm late, rehearsal ran long.

Um, hi?

I don't know, are you?

That's not mine.

Really, 'cause we found it
in your drawer.

It's Brenna's,
she asked me to hold on to it.

Mhmm. Why?

Her parents always go through her stuff.

She said she wishes
she had parents like mine

who respect her privacy and trust her.

- Really, she said that?
- Yeah!

So, you're not smoking the snake?

Brenna's smoking the snake?

Stop saying smoking the snake.

- It sounds like something else.
- No! I don't. It's gross.

I don't even know how she does it.

You mean, without coughing.

Well no, she doesn't really cough.

- What? What is she, a whale?
- Lionel!

So, is there anything else
in your underwear drawer

that you would like to admit to?

Get outta my underwear drawer!

Like maybe what is a
thong doing in there?

- Dad! Ew!
- Is that Brenna's too?

Does she wear it when
she's puffin' on the snake?

- Lionel, gross.
- No, it's mine, okay?

- What's the big deal?
- What? Dammnit!

We told Brenna's parents
you didn't have one.

Why are you talking to Brenna's parents

- about my underwear?
- Because we are grown-ups,

- and we will do what we want!
- Yeah,

and you can forget about
getting your phone back, too.

Yeah, and you can tell Brenna

she's not gettin' this back, either.

- Where are you taking it?
- It's safer with me.

- Okay, dinner is served!
- Okay.

Okay.

Uh, before we start to eat,
I'd like to say a quick prayer.

Oh!

- You're saying a prayer?
- Yeah.

Oh.

Thank you, God, for this food.

For rest, and home, and all things good.

Amen.

Thank you for loved ones far and near,

for fertile eggs.

You thanking Him for that?

- It's my egg, bro.
- Thank you for Juniper,

and Frankie, and Rhoda, and Giselle.

And all these gifts
we are about to receive

from thy gracious bounty,

through Christ our Lord. Amen.

Okay, I'm eating
before she starts up again.

Salad?

Sure.

I'd like to paint a
different kind of picture

of this relationship,

one where a heartbroken
and misguided young man

files a lawsuit against my client,

punishing her for making her decision

to end a consensual
and legal relationship.

What's goin' on here?

Well, that's-that's us in bed.

Can you describe for me,
the emotional distress in this picture?

I guess that moment was pretty chill.

- Pretty chill, huh?
- Yeah.

Look at her, she's pretty cute.

I know she's cute,
I don't need to look at a picture.

Mr. Foster, I think
this is a conflict of interest.

What about this?

That's Charlie, he's my bud. Wanna see?

Ugh, no.

So, you spent some time
with my children?

- My client's children?
- Yeah.

Mr. Greenwood,
these photos don't read as though

you're being forced to do anything.

They show a young man
enchanted with a life that wasn't his.

You were hurt,
and now you're seeking revenge,

but it's not too late to end this.

And if you ever cared
about my client, you would.

- I do care about her.
- Then tell the truth!

The truth is, Ms. Foster exploited

Mr. Greenwood's feelings
for her benefit.

Really? It seems to me
that he got dumped

'cause she wasn't that into him.

No, she was! She was into me a lot!

And I was into her!

Look, Kate,
you still have feelings for me.

- Just admit it, please.
- Forrest, come on.

- So, you are punishing her?
- Don't answer that.

I guess I am.

Forest, you're right,
okay, and I'm sorry.

I was selfish, and you deserve
better than how I treated you.

- Hey, I'm sorry.
- Thanks.

I'm sorry for all this.

Where is the little sh*t, in here?

Dad, what are you doing in here?

- Sir, this is a private meeting.
- It's fine, I'm his father.

You outta your mind? Hmm?

Did I drop you on your head
when you were a child, or somethin'?

Here's what's gonna happen.

You are gonna drop
this lawsuit right now,

or I am gonna drop all your
stuff on the front lawn.

- Got it?
- Try it.

- Mom will m*rder you.
- I beg your pardon?

Okay, I'll drop it. It's been dropped.

I am sorry about this, Kate,

but this is what happens
when you sleep with children.

- My sympathies are limited.
- Yep, lesson learned.

Where are you even
getting the money to pay

- for this lawyer?
- Oh no, if I don't win,

- I don't have to pay her.
- That's incorrect.

Oh, dammnit.

So, do you make my daughter pray?

Oh no, would that
make you uncomfortable?

Very much.

- May I ask why?
- Uh, Bianca...

Well, for one, religion is the cause

of every w*r in the world, and two,

we are at a table full of gay women.

You guys are all gay, too?

Also, I take issue in thanking
God for modern science.

I mean, God didn't put a baby
in you, Juniper did.

- Yeah, you're welcome, bro.
- Right.

You know you send
your daughter to a school

with the word "Saint" in its name.

All the best schools
have Saint in the name.

Giselle... you know, we just...

Don't pretend that you
believe in this stuff, too.

Well, I-I believe
in being kind to each other.

I don't think there's
some sort of sky king

watching over my masturbation habits.

- Imagine?
- Imagine?

I don't want my daughter around this.

Around what?

You know what they do at church?
They sing.

And love each other. And what about you?

You put her in soccer which is violent,
and she hates it.

Thank you for dinner.

We'll talk later.

This is stupid,
we don't have to do this.

Yes, we do. We said, you see something,

you say something. We made a pact.

- Fine, but I am not talking.
- That's totally fine.

Me and Marcus
have a really good thing going.

- Hello?
- Hey, Marcus, buddy! What's up?

- Uh sorry, who's this?
- It's Lionel...

Carlson.

- Alice's Dad.
- Hey, Lionel, how are ya?

Just chill, chillin',
just bein' all chill.

You know how it is.
Anyways, I was just callin'

to talk to you about the
whole parenting pact thing,

looks like we owe you
a bit of an apology.

We actually found a thong
in Alice's drawer, too.

Well uh, thanks for being honest.

I guess no one gets to claim
better parenting on this one.

We also found your kid's snake.

Well, who's that? Anne?
Wait, what snake?

Brenna's a snake smoker.

Apparently, she's got
quite a reputation at school

- for smokin' snake.
- Excuse me?

No, it's a vape pen. It's a vape pen!

We found it when we found
the thong, in Alice's drawer.

She says it's Brenna's.

Okay, but it was
in your daughter's room.

Sorry, are you calling Alice a liar?

Wait, how about we all just
get together for dinner?

Yeah, let's do dinner!

Clear the air, have some chats.

This whole parenting pact's
really great and everything,

but I think we could
really use some time live.

That's a great idea, Lionel.

It'll also give you
an opportunity to come

and get Brenna's snake because
we don't want it in the house.

Really lookin' forward
to this dinner, guys!

Well, thank you, God,
that dinner is over.

You didn't have my back
at all in there tonight.

Well, I told you to tread lightly

with the religion stuff.
I mean, I love you,

- but I-I'm still adjusting.
- Adjusting?

Yeah, you kinda Trojan horse'd
Jesus into our relationship.

Oh, and does being Christian
make me harder to love?

- It's still just me!
- I know that.

- No, I do know that.
- And you know what?

You have weird things, too.

Like, you write a thank you
letter to every house you sell,

not even the client,
the, the actual house.

But I support you.

- Why can't you support me?
- I do, I do support you.

But no-you're right.

You're right,
we all have our weird things

and from now on, I support you,

and all of your holy spirits.

There's just one...

one holy spirit.

One holy spirit.

- I love you.
- Love you, too.

Ugh! I mean, you were good in there.

Thank God Richard showed up, though.

I texted him as soon
as I saw Ginny Kelly.

- Seriously?
- Yeah.

- You did? Genius!
- Yeah.

Thanks for taking care of me today.

It's my pleasure.

I like protecting you.

Mhmm.

Well, I guess this means we're even?

Well, no, but you did good today.

Hey, how 'bout I take you to dinner?

Don't you have plans?

Not anymore.

Come on, let's go!

Okay.

Think you're gonna be able
to keep anything down?

It's touch and go.

There was like a lot of
exaggerating going on in there.