03x13 - What's It Gonna Be?

[bunniefuu]

- Don't worry, I'm taking a
very straightforward approach.

- You didn't buy one of those
costumes in a bag, right?

- What kind of mother
do you think I am?

- You've got yourself an
extraordinary

young woman, here.

- If I didn't cover
for you today,

you'd probably be in jail.
- Alice!

- Michael Bolinski.

- f*ck me.

- Kate Foster,
I believe you're up.

- Actually, Mike and I have
decided to join forces.

Mike: Will that be a problem?

- Not if it's good.

(Alarm blares)

- Get back here,
I'm not done with you!

- (Chuckling)

I cannot miss this flight.

- What are you talking about?
Our flights aren't until noon.

- I know, I switched
to an earlier one.

I gotta get home for this
Halloween thing

at my kid's school.

- I didn't know Halloween
was now

a mandatory event for parents.

- It's not, but it is.

There's a whole competition
element,

I had to make a costume,

it's a-God, it's a whole thing.

(Kate's phone buzzes)

- Holy sh*t, indeed.

- What - we get it?

- Oh, the job? No,
this is uh... something else.

- You okay?

- Yeah, uh...

uh, Ella, my daughter,
can sit on her own now.

- Is she not supposed
to be doing that?

- No, she is, she...

she's just kinda young,

she's ahead of the curve.

- Ah, so she takes
after her mom.

- I'm just... I dunno.

I'm kinda bummed I missed it.

- She's gonna keep sitting
though, right?

- Yeah.

- Huh, well you'll catch her
when she's even better at it.

Like, I know for a fact that
I'm better at sitting now

than I was a year ago.
- Is that right.

- Oh yeah,
I'm a professional.

- Shut up.

- Get over here.
- No. No, no, no.

I really have - no,
I gotta go.

Seriously!
- What are you doing?

- Bye! Wooaaa!

- You're safe for now!

(Zipper rasps)

♪♪♪

- Oh my God.

♪♪♪

(Moans)

(Moans)

(Exhales)

(Phone buzzes)

- Nathan, hi.
- Kate, I just walked on in,

and there she was, sitting.

Like she'd been doing it
for months, or years.

It just goes, doesn't it?

Doesn't matter how much
we ignore 'em or f*ck up.

- I know what you mean.

- I'm so sorry I f*cked up,
Kate.

- No.

We don't have to go over
this again.

(Ella coos)

- I'm sorry to all three of you
guys, you deserve more.

- Look, I haven't been, I'm--

I'm not perfect.

- I don't know, I just feel
like I'm realizing

for the first time...

how much damage I've done.

- Nathan, honestly I'm...

I'm over it, I guess,

or at least I just don't wanna
be angry about it anymore.

- Wow, that's uh...

that's really big of you.

- No, it's not, I just have uh,

I dunno, I have some
perspective now.

- I miss you.

Come home to us, okay?

- I'm on my way.

- I love you.

- I love you, too.

(Door clicks open)
- Did you forget something?

You always craft
with hotel amenities?

♪♪♪

(Suitcase wheels rattle)

- I thought you looked familiar.

- Victoria!

- You two really gave me
a run for it,

but I've known Tru Air
a long time.

They're just more familiar
with my work, that's all.

- Oh no, uh tot
congratulations.

- Oh, you really do look
different.

- Do I? I think I'm in need
of a new eye cream.

- No, you look better.
Less guilty.

- Oh, well uh, thanks.

- You know, I tell you what
though, you and Mike,

now that's a team
I'd keep my eye on.

♪♪♪

Lionel: Aha! It's Halloween,

and here is to this
little clown,

I think she's finally gonna
understand

what this holiday is all about.
- Stupid Halloween.

It's just the school's way
of getting us to stop

and perform an elaborate fire
drill of skill and patience.

- Well, I like Halloween.

And you've gotta enjoy these
little steps,

because before you know it,
they're teenagers,

and we're gonna hate 'em.
- Um...

- No. No-no-no,
not you, Alice.

You're one of the good ones.

But I'm getting a real
bad seed vibe

from your sister,
Jayme, over here.

I mean if, we're not careful,

she could wind up
just like Brenna.

- Dad, stop.

- Anyway, enough about
Halloween.

Alice, your mother and I
have been talking, and...

she'd like to tell you
something.

- Alice I...

you know,
I haven't been great--

- Or even good.
- Lionel.

- Alice,

you have been very patient
with me,

and your father and I would
like to reward you

for being so responsible.

So, we are going to give
you your phone back.

- Really?
- Yes!

Because we trust you.

- And just think of all the fun
gifs you can do today

at your sister's special
Halloween thing.

(Anne chuckles)

You could do like a cowboy
filter.

Is there a cowboy filter?

- No, and I can't come.

- What? Why?

- It's science fair.

- What? How did I forget
about that?

- Well, I told you about it.
- Of course you did!

No, I-I know.

So, we'll see you at dinner,
then?

- Yep.
- Okay.

Go get science-y.

And enjoy that phone
because you earned it.

- Gotta be a cowboy filter.

I mean, you can only use the
kitty cat filter so many times.

♪♪♪

- How long do I have to stay
like this?

- You may remove your
blindfold!

- Well, they're just my h--

- Oh no. That's way too scary.

- I know, right?

- You can't send her like this!

She's gonna give the other kids
nightmares.

- Oh, come on.

How is this scarier than any of
the monsters in Sesame Street?

There is literally a monster
who lives in a trash can.

- They're gonna send her home.

- I'm gonna send you home!

Come on, she's gonna be fine.
- Hey.

- She's gonna be tame compared
to some of those other freaks

in her class.
- Boo boo.

- Yeah.

- Blood's a nice touch.

- This used to be mine?

♪♪♪

- You make one little bunny
ear,

and then another little bunny--
(Knock on door)

One sec, don't go anywhere.

Coming!

Are you here to pick up
the future winner

of the St. Celine's best
costume contest?

You know, you didn't have
to dress up for this, right?

- Of course I do.

And so do you!

- What's this?
(Door creaks shut)

- I got you an outfit.

We're going as us from prom.

Ugh, doesn't even matter
what I wear.

Everyone hates me.

- That's not true!
- It is.

I mean, no one at work
likes me.

You know that.
And at school,

I am just the mom who locked
her kid in the car.

They're gonna analyze
every move I make.

- Listen, if there's anything
that I learned

about going to all those mommy
and me's,

it was that nobody cares about
what anybody else is doing.

They're just all too
preoccupied with themselves.

But maybe you know,

(Small chuckle)

uh... you could try being a
little nicer to people--

- Wait, are you saying
it's my fault?

- No, you're uh, you're...

you're intimidating, Jenny.

I mean, look at you. I uh...

with great beauty
comes great responsibility.

And yeah, maybe you could just,

be a little nicer to people.

- I get it. Thanks.

♪♪♪

(Indistinct chatter)

- Ladies and gentlemen,

mommies and daddies, welcome.
- Hey buddy.

- It's my great pleasure
to introduce

St. Celine's pre-K class.

What a proud day it is

for me to be hosting our first
Halloween costume contest.

We're gonna get start--
Kate: Sorry!

Sorry!

Oh, cute, cute, cute.

I got Charlie's costume, here.

(Headmaster clears throat)

- There we go.
There we go.

- Sit. Sit down, Mrs. Foster.
Just...have a seat.

- There you go. I'm gonna go.

Headmaster: Anyway, before
the contest, the children...

- God I'm so comfortable.

I look like P.Diddy.

- Ian, ew, gross. Diddy?

He goes by Love now.

(Pumpkin song starts)

- That can't be right.

- Jesus Christ.

I'm sorry about his costume.

- It worked.

- (Chuckles)

- Psst, so you get your
two-off?

- What?

- You know, you check your f*ck
off your bucket list?

- Oh yeah, Mike.

Yeah, it turned out it's more
of like a two-on than two-off.

Like a - I think I may
have like, opened up

a whole can of worms. Like,
I wanted to steal some milk,

and here I am thinkin' about
buying the cow, you know?

- Never understand
your analogies.

(Children crying)

♪ Anyone shout
for pumpkin time ♪

♪ I get so scared
I want to scream ♪

♪ Once a year at Halloween ♪

- Hey, what are you lookin' at?

- Oh, my handyman.

They lost their tech,
and I asked if he'd help out.

- Whoa.
This is love a-knockin'.

- Oh Frankie, I don't know.

- You gotta grab it, man.
By the tendrils.

Headmaster: Big finish!

♪ But first I have
to trick or treat ♪

Headmaster: Let's hear it
for the pre-K class!

(Applause)

Now we'll move on to
the costume contest,

and I, of course, will be
judging the competition.

- Surprise, surprise.
She's really been milking it.

- I'd say. She's about three
sentences from climaxing.

I'd duck!

- St. Celine's winner

of the Halloween Costume
Contest is...

- Shh, shh, this is us!

- It's Zoe.

- Whatever, just act surprised.

- Rhoda Coyne-Bois!

(Cheering and applause)

(Cheering and applause)

- And now,

the most out-of-this world
costume goes to...

- Wait is, is everybody
getting an award?

- f*ck me!

- Tyler and Thomas!

(Cheering and applause)

♪♪♪

- What? Pyjamas?

God, phoning it in.

- And next, the student
who understands

the meaning of making
a statement,

Zoe Matthews.
- Ah!

(Squeals) Woo!
- That's my girl.

- For her interpretation
of Malala.

- Wait...
she's Red Riding Hood.

- What? Just go with it!

- And now, for the
silliest-willy award,

Jayme Carlson!

(Cheering and applause)

- What, is that me?

(Cheering and applause)

- Yay, Jayme!

- Charlie Foster?
Charlie Foster,

there is one here for you, too.

The best...

homemade costume!

- Best homemade costume?

- That's great, right?

(Applause)

♪♪♪

(Music cuts, weird sounds,
mic feedback)

Headmaster: What is happening?

(Moaning, grunting)

(Music scratches)

(All laugh)

Kate: Hey.
- Hey,

if it isn't the mom
of the most homemade costume.

- Oh, I'm sorry, it doesn't
have the same ring

as silliest-willy award.

- Dude, at least we didn't
bring the kid awarded

most likely to haunt
my f*cking dreams!

- Hey, Rhoda won,
fair and square.

Ian: Ladies.

Jenny, go!
- Ian! Ugh.

- Hi guys.

- Hey.
- Hey, what's up, Jenny?

- How you been? How's work?

- Great, actually.
I got promoted,

and I'm really digging
the new responsibility.

- Nice.
- H-how's Ian?

- He actually works for me, now.

He's a business boy.

- A business...
- Boy?

- Pretty sure that's
not a thing.

- Uh-uh.
- It is.

- Anyway, uh...

I would love to catch up
sometime

if you guys wanna
have a playdate?

- That's really nice.
Thanks, Jenny.

- Sure, yeah.
- That'd be great.

- See? I'm nice.

Great uh,

so I'll see you around.

- Bye, Jen.

- Okay, I gotta go.
I promised my kid ice cream.

- Hmm.

- And by kid, I mean Lionel.
- (Laughs)

- Bye!
- Bye, girl.

- See ya.
- Bye!

- Hey.
- Kate,

what can I do for you?

- I just...

I wanted to thank you.

In fact,

I got you something.

It's a massage.

- Oh. Oh, well...
this is very generous,

especially since you
and all the other parents,

they already got me
a gift card?

- We did? We did.

Yep, we got you a Halloween
gift. Of course we did.

- But honestly,

a massage sounds better
than dinner theatre.

How am I supposed
to focus on my food?

(Chuckles) Oh.

- Come here.
- Oh!

What's happening?

- I just thought you
might need a hug.

- You know, even though
I didn't win a prize today,

I still think
I deserve an ice cream.

- Hmm.

- Because I'm the silliest
willy in this family.

I mean, Jayme? Pfft!
She's not even that silly.

- Mhmm.
- Dr. Carlson!

- Sandy? Hi!

- There's someone
I want you to meet!

- (Chuckles)

- Uh, this is my partner,
Fatima.

- (Gasp) You have a girlfriend?

- A woman friend.

- I'm really happy for you,
guys.

- You've done such wonderful
things for him.

- Uh, I'm right here, Fatima.

- Oh. (Chuckles)

- Okay uh, we're gonna go.

- Take care, lovebirds!

- Seems like a happy customer.

- Yeah well, antidepressants,
turns out they work!

- (Chuckles) Yeah.

(Low hum of chatter)

- Mango!

- Daddy's not allowed
at the counter

because Daddy abuses
the three-sample rule.

Brenna: They got watermelon.
- Hey, Brenna!

Do your parents know that
you're skipping out

on the science fair right now?

- Our school science fair
isn't until February.

- Alice did the volcano
last year?

It sucked.

Seriously?

She walks all over you guys.

- Hey, watch your mouth!
- I'm sorry.

But I'm glad we're not allowed
to hang out anymore.

'Cause she was starting
to do things... I dunno.

- What are you even
talking about?

- You know, you should check
out her finsta sometime,

and you'll learn a lot.

- What is-what is that?
- Finsta.

- English, please!
- A fake account

so your parents can't see
what you're doing.

♪♪♪

- What?

♪♪♪

- Well, how is she even
posting this?

I had her phone!
- You know,

I really shouldn't be
showing you this.

- Shh!

♪♪♪

- Yeah, she just posted
that one.

- Oh God!

- I'm sorry.

(Lionel coughs)
- Sorry.

♪♪♪

I know it was a big deal,

and you're probably
disappointed.

- You do not have to apologize.

The only criteria was
not to make a lasagna.

- (Kate chuckles)

- And you nailed that.

I'm sorry I put so much
pressure on you.

- No, I get it.

Like you didn't want me
to look like an ass clown

in front of the other moms.

I know I'm not exactly
Betty Draper.

- Whew, thank God for that.
- Yeah?

- Yeah!

- 'Cause it's not too late
to pull the rip-cord

on this thing, you know,
find yourself an easy,

breezy homemaker,

who returns Tupperware
after it's lent to her.

- I don't want that.

I mean, maybe I did, I dunno.

Not anymore.

I just want you.

- Really?

- Really.

- Okay, then let's do this.

No more secrets.

- No more secrets. Deal.

(Chuckles)

- Now let's go eat a bucket
of chicken.

(Chuckle)

Alice: (Laughs) And then
I added baking soda

and the whole thing erupted.
- (Laughs)

Did the teachers go nuts?
I bet they went nuts.

Who doesn't love a volcano?

- Most people from Pompei.

- Anne, please, your daughter
just won the science fair.

How are you not more
excited about this?

- You won the science fair?

- Well, not won, I guess,
but I placed third.

- Where's the medal?

I left it in my locker.
- Who won first?

- Jerry Coleman.
- And second?

- Candice Vashir.

(Dishes clatter)
- How's that for company?

Woo! I am so proud of you,
sweetie.

♪♪♪

My little girl.

Or should I say,
my little teenager.

- Thanks, Daddy.
- (Chuckles)

- (Sighs)

- Uh, I think I'll get
a quarter chicken.

- Hmm.
- Wait, they have wings.

This changes everything.
- (Chuckles)

What's my big boy want?
You want some chicken fings?

- Ooh, chick fings,
maybe all around, huh?

(Kate's phone buzzes)

- I-I have to make a call.

- Oh go ahead, it'll give me a
chance to get a hold of myself.

They have chicken and waffles!

There goes my entire plan.

(Phone rings)

(Door slams shut)

(Phone buzzes)

- Hello?
- We got Tru Air?

- Hell yeah, we did.

(Chuckles) It's ours!

I tried calling you earlier.

- Wait, but Victoria--
- Went nuts?

Yeah, they told her
like an hour ago.

She flipped out on them.
- Wow.

- Yeah, job's ours.

Contingent on us working
together, of course.

But I told them that wasn't
gonna be a problem.

Are you okay?

- Yeah, I guess
I'm just shocked.

I mean, last night was--
- Yeah.

Yeah, listen about that,

I've got a proposition for you.

- Kate, what do you want?

I don't wanna pick for ya.

- Just uh, just gimme a sec!

- I'm on my way to Cabo
right now,

and I want you to come meet me.
- Wait, what?

You mean for work?

- Well, I mean, I guess we
could get some work done.

(Chuckles) I was thinking
it would be more for us.

Take advantage of the perks
of the job.

- Oh my God.

- Come meet me, Kate.

- Kate, what about a family
pack?

It comes with a Bundt cake.

- Kinda fun, right?

- Too much? No Bundt cake?

Okay, I-I'll figure it out.

- Hello?

Kate, you there?

- Yeah, no I am. I am.

- What, do you not want this,
too?

- I just--

I don't know that I can
give you what you need.

- Listen, I don't need
to be taken care of.

I'm good.

But I do think that we would
be good together.

And I'd like to see you happy.

I can definitely do better
than your current situation.

- Are you pitching me
right now?

- Yeah, you gonna tell me
it's not a good pitch?

- No.

- So what's it gonna be?

Nathan: Kate, what's it gonna
be? Come on!

- Oh, I uh, I, I don't know.

- Kate, come meet me.

- I'll get you anything
you want!

- What do you wanna do?

- Chick fings?

♪ A little pain ♪

♪ Is good for you ♪

- What's it gonna be?

- I want um...

♪ A girl's gotta do,
gotta do ♪

♪ What a girl's gotta do ♪