02x04 - The Holy Hole

[bunniefuu]

ANNIE: Previously,
on "Workin' Moms:"

- You want this, right?
- Yes.

KATE: I went to a job interview.

Oh, I'm sorry, are you married?

No, I don't believe
in marriage. Well, I do,

um, well, I'm engaged, 'cause that's sexy.

- Are you quitting Gaze?
- I was hoping to work at both.

Okay, wow. This feels like deja vu.

Hey, when are we gonna
sex in your new office?

As soon as I get the keys.

Leaving us, then?

It's time I focus on my family.

KATE: So, Nathan wants me to try it,

but I'm like, no way, never.
And really? What's the point?

No one can climax from a**l.

Well, no one can climax
from receiving a**l.

Hello, gay dudes?

You're saying both sides of
that sandwich are gettin' there?

No way! Uh,

who here has climaxed from taking a**l?

- [CLEAR THEIR THROATS]
- I have. Once.

Anne, for real? [SCOFFS]

Man, you think you know someone's butt.

I can't be the only one

who doesn't allow entry through the exit.

[LAUGHS]

Jade?

I totally have done butt stuff.

- You're kidding me!
- Never to climax, though.

I'll take the half-point. Ian?

Ian! I'm in a pit of lions here, man,

come on, give it to me.

Yes, Ian, do tell us
about your a**l explorations,

- and don't hold back.
- Oh. Well, I-well, I guess...

I get nervous about
the whole... poop thing?

Yes! Okay!

Now I know I'm not alone, Alicia,

when I say that the butt is a no-fly zone.

Come on, girl.

Don't even.

I like to keep my husband satisfied.

[IAN AND JADE LAUGH]

All right, fine, I'll try a**l.

This feels like the
right moment to admit that,

as a Catholic, I gave my
rear up to the Mountie,

back in our high school days.

- You were one of those?
- Oh yeah, mhmm.

Any hole but the holy hole.

♪

♪

♪ And you'll be diggin' it ♪

♪ You'll dig it anywhere ♪

♪ 'Cause I got me and I got you ♪

Douchebag.

♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey ♪

♪

♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey ♪

[LOW DRONE OF MAN'S VOICE]

MAN: Breathe them away.

Feeling energized, and refreshed.

One, two, three...

- [KNOCKING]
- MAN: Delivery!

- Sign here.
- All right.

[PEN RASPS]

- Thanks so much.
- Thanks.

[DOOR CREEKS SHUT]

"There's no k*lling a cactus,
so good luck at your practice."

BRAD: Okay, good work today, good progress.

We'll kick that habit in no time.

See you next week.

No f*cking way!

[DOOR SHUTS]

[FIDDLE MUSIC PLAYS]

- Is that uh, Riverdance?
- [LAUGHS]

I'll go talk to them... again!

It's okay, it's a.m., right?

We're all up, anyway.

I bet ya it's a leprechaun convention.

Aunt Frankie, stop!

There's gonna be dancing,

chocolate, and...

- A rainbow?
- A double rainbow.

[ALL LAUGH]

Hey, why don't you go get dressed?

- Aw!
- Aw!

And brush your teeth.

- Uh uh! Nyahh!
- Nyaaah!

[SIGHS] I appreciate how
great you are with her.

- Thanks for letting me crash.
- Of course.

It's not often I get to be
the brother who saves the day.

[SMALL CHUCKLES]

- Ah. Waffle?
- Yeah, sure.

So, how long you staying? No presh.

Uh, I don't know, a couple weeks?

Just until Rhoda and I find a place.

I just miss her so damn much.

I don't know, I don't want
her to, like forget me.

Francis Jean, you need to
stop worrying about Rhoda,

and live a little.

If I had a part-time kid,

- I'd be out every night I could!
- [CHUCKLES WRYLY]

♪

[CHARLIE COOS]

Look at you, dressed for success.

Aw. Thanks, babe.

Yeah, pitchin' a company today,

and there's this new hawk-eyed
girl who's always watching me,

just waiting for some kind
of misstep and then boom,

I'm on my back, and she's
eating my intestines.

I'm sure it'll be fine.

Have you spoken to your Mom recently?

You should really keep an eye on her.

- Yeah, I know.
- Statistically,

once one of 'em goes,
it's only a matter of time

- before the other one.
- What are you eating?

- Just some bread.
- I'm making you a sandwich here.

It wasn't even done toasting,
are you really such an animal

you can't wait to eat warm bread?

I could make an open faced one.

I'm making you a breakfast BLT, Nathan.

Crispy, salty, crunchy,

it requires multiple slices of bread!

I swear if you touch that bacon...

Kate, put the Kn*fe down!

What? Oh for god's sake,
I'm not gonna s*ab you.

Embarrassing.

Mommy's cuckoo.

KATE: Hey, I heard that!

♪

[KNOCKING]

You're kidding me.

B-Brad, what are you doing here?

- This is... [CHUCKLES]
- I guess we're neighbours.

This is like grad school all over again.

Well, you've still got it, Anne.

What? Me? No! Shut the f*ck up.

I mean... thanks.

You still doing those
celebrity yoga workouts?

Oh my god, no, I do not
work out... to that... anymore.

Well, that's good, you don't
wanna stay in the same pattern

- when you can progress.
- Totally, yes,

that's why I took my
practice out of my house,

and into this space. This place is amazing.

Yeah, it is.

Uh, it's-sorry, it's just a little messy, I...

It doesn't look messy to me.

Yeah, no, it's not messy at all.

My god, you have not changed at all.

Hmm!

Anyway, I just came
to say hi to the newbie,

but I guess we're...

well beyond that, aren't we?

Hmm. Wow, oh my god.

I love orchids.

Oh yeah, that's right, we had them...

at our wedding, didn't we?

It's funny, you know, they're parasites.

Actually, that's a common misconception.

Anyways, I have another client,

otherwise I would say,
let's grab a drink, or...

Well, I will... see ya around.

Yeah.

You will see me...

all around.

[DOOR CREAKS, CLICKS SHUT]

♪

[WATER RUSHES IN THE SHOWERS]

♪

Oh!

Nice bathing costume. Toke?

[SIGHS] Are you allowed to smoke in here?

You're probably not. I have a prescription.

I come here every week
to take in the sights,

but I haven't seen you here.

Yeah, I'm new. [COUGHS]

Yeah, I'm...

embracing life by any means necessary.

Step one, get those endorphins flowin'.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

[INHALES DEEPLY]

- Frankie, by the way.
- Dorothy.

Listen, I have a massage across town.

Why don't you come by
some time for some ah,

champagne and a soak?

Yeah, all right.

[CLICKS PEN]

Word to the wise,

it can be quite the scene around here.

Girl could get her heart
broken if she's not careful.

My advice,

take it slow.

Hey, this is not your number!

That's my address.

Be there by four.

♪

♪ Strut! Uh-uh! ♪

♪

RICHARD: Okay Lucy, show
us some of that magic.

Yes. All right.

Saxon Field Snowboards,
they are for the kind of guy

who wants to experience the nostalgia

of the early days of boarding,
because he didn't get to.

He's second-generation.

Um, Lucy, I'm sorry to interrupt,

but I've been doing some research,

and the majority of men actually
buying Saxon Field boards,

are actually young Gen X-ers.

They're the kinda guy that
got in at the ground floor

of snowboard culture, and now they're...

taking their kid out on the
slopes for the first time.

- Marketing Mom strikes again.
- Wow!

Well, actually, no, not
all the numbers support that.

Hmm?

Actually, it's true, guys,
because most of the sales

are on bundles of adult
and junior boards together.

Well, that's just it, right,
it's not about some imitator,

some young punk tryin'
to like, shred some gnar,

it's about the OG.

That old guy who's now taking his kid out,

trying to show what he
once was on those slopes.

He's passing on the
legend of his own youth.

- Exactly.
- She's right.

It would be great if you
could join us at the pitch today.

Well, uh...

Can you make it? : ?

Well, uh, I can't.

I'd love to, but look,

just tweak the uh-the
pitch, and the artwork,

and you should be fine.

Right, Lucy?

Oh yes. We got it.

But I have to pick my kid up, so...

[LOUD ELECTRONIC MUSIC PLAYS]

Ah-ah!
Ah-ah-ah!

♪

Almost got it. Mm! Mm!

I can't even - where is the b*at?

Unhhh!

♪

Huh-oh!

[SQUEALS]

INSTRUCTOR: Come on, ladies!

♪ Jump, jump, jump on
it jump on it and ride ♪

INSTRUCTOR: Arms up, and
reach! Reach for the gold!

♪ Jump, jump, jump on it ♪

♪ Jump on it and ride ♪

♪ She's a sexy lady ♪

INSTRUCTOR: And breathe. Now back to rest.

[ALL CLAPPING]

Please, your back muscles are
straight out of a comic book, lady.

So hot! Lovin' it!

[SPLASHING]

♪ She's gonna satisfy ya ♪

♪ And keep you comin' for more. Yeah. ♪

♪ She keeps her energy
burnin' inside you ♪

[WATER RUSHES, WOMEN CHATTER]

[WATER RUSHES]

Uh...

Hi?

♪

[GASPS]

♪ I'm feelin' lucky ♪

♪
L-l-l-l-lucky ♪

♪
L-l-l-lucky ♪

[GASPS] Ah!

Do I know... you? Ohh!

[GASPS] Oh! [LAUGHS]

Oh, wow, Kate, you're very prompt.

Everyone, this is Kate,

she's our new creative consultant.

Kate, this is Mams and Juliana.

Oh, okay.

- Hi.
- Hey, hey, man.

- Yeah, I love your vibe.
- Oh, thanks, man,

lovin' your whole... thang.

It's so much fun, like
a carnival-oh? Okay.

I'm gonna have to, I'm going
to need these two for...

Yeah, oh, see, now why
doesn't my hair do that?

This chick is brave.

Actually Kate, Juliana
identifies as non-binary.

Oh, so you don't swim?
Hey, no shame in that, man.

Actually, I don't identify
as either a male or female.

Badass. Very cool.

I didn't know we were
allowed. That's right on.

Freeing.

So, Kate, tell us your story.

Oh! Uh, well, I'm uh, single.

Sangle, ready to mangle.

Uh, engaged though, so that's uh,

no kids, though, no strings to strangle.

Uh, just focusing on m-e, these days.

I find relationships to
be extremely beneficial.

- Stress-reducing.
- They extend life expectancy.

- As do kids.
- Do they?

I mean, who wants kids?

Get in the way. I find
them stress-inducing.

And privates-damaging,

you know, for all that biking we're doing.

Sorry I'm late, guys,
I had to get some air.

- No worries.
- You look great.

- Hi, I'm Elle.
- Hey.

Elle's been an amazing
source of creativity for us

since becoming pregnant.

Huh.

Really deep work today, Angela.

And before you go, I
just want to say thank you

for being my first
patient at my new location.

Does that mean I get a discount? [SOBS]

What? No!

It's great to see your sense
of humour returning, though.

Take care.

[DOOR CLICKS SHUT]

[SIGHS HEAVILY]

_

[PLASTIC RUSTLES]

[SIGHS]

[BRAD'S VOICE DRONES QUIETLY]

Just relax. You are powerful.

Confident, courageous.

You are beautiful inside, and out.

You are wonderful, you are perfect.

[FORK SCRAPES]

Lionel, what are you doing?

I was hungry.

You're gonna cut your mouth again.

This means less dishes!

How was your first day at
work? Did you get my cactus?

I did, thank you.

Really thoughtful. A handsome plant.

Uh, and it was great. The-the
space is really amazing.

How can you eat that room temperature?

Oh, it's the only thing my
teeth can handle right now.

So sensitive, I think I'm
circling root-canal territory.

Ugh.

I still can't believe
this is where you live.

This place is ridiculous,

It's like straight out of
"American Psycho!" [LAUGHS]

Thank you.

I'm in real estate, so I
kinda know a thing or two.

I'm guessing this place
is worth, what, like . ?

- Maybe Four?
- [SIGHS]

A lady never discusses
price points, Frankie.

Actually, I'm kind of in
between places right now,

staying with my brother,

but he's on the wagon,
which is-which is good.

He's got a daughter though,

Greta, oh my god, she's the best!

I've been dying to do
something all afternoon.

Okay.

- Ohhhh!
- Oh. Oh!

- Oh, what a mane.
- Oh! [LAUGHS]

Ohh... ooh.

Would you mind if I washed it?

Oh! Sure, yeah, yeah, yeah.

- All right.
- Okay.

How did you even...

- I love it!
- I thought you would.

You should consider adding
coconut oil to your diet.

Cool, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Hey, this was really fun.

- [CHUCKLES]
- Hmm...

Mm!

I'll go make us a drink.

Okay.

[SIGHS DEEPLY]

Mmm!

♪ L'amor ♪

♪ L'amor ♪

♪ L'amor ♪

Okay, moving on to kitty litter.

So, the client is wondering
why no one is buying,

and they cannot figure out why.

[ELECTRONIC MUSIC PLAYS IN BACKGROUND]

I think the price is too low.

- Too low?
- Yeah...

the demographic this brand is targeting

doesn't pride themselves
on discount shopping.

They want the best for their cat, right?

By upping the price point,

I think you're upping the incentive.

Yeah, I never pay less
than bones for socks.

Yeah, it's true!

I bought Sailor the most
ridiculous three-tier stroller.

I want the best for her.

By considering the ego of the client,

and what's most important to them,

you're actually benefitting both parties.

I think it's very intuitive, Kate.

Yeah, way to go, Kate!

- Mams, can you get started on that write
- up, please?

That's a wrap, guys.

Hey uh, I've got a few pitches
I need some fresh eyes on.

- Come by my office later?
- You got it!

Awesome.

♪ Threw some chords together ♪

♪ The combination
D-E-F ♪

♪ It's who I am, it's what I do ♪

♪ And I was gonna lay it down for you ♪

♪ I tried to focus my attention ♪

♪ But I feel
so A-D-D ♪

♪ I need some help, some inspiration ♪

♪ But it's not comin' easily ♪

♪ Whoa, tryin' to find the magic ♪

♪ Ohhhh! Tryin' to write a classic ♪

♪ Ohhhh! Don't you
know, don't you know, ♪

♪ Don't you know. Whoaaa! ♪

♪ Waste bin full of paper ♪

♪ Clever rhymes, see ya later ♪

♪ These words are my own ♪

♪ From my heart flow ♪

♪ I love you, I love you,
I love you, I love you ♪

♪ There's no other way to bet... ♪

[HANDLE CRANKS]

[CELL PHONE RINGS, LIGHTER SNIKS]

KATE: Hey, hey, it's
Kate, leave a message.

Hey, dude, where are you?

I was going through
some of our old pictures.

I can't believe how
dumb we were. [CHUCKLES]

Do you remember when... [COUGHS] when we...

[COUGHS]

You know what, I gotta
go. [COUGHS] Call me back.

[COUGHS] Ugh!

[STREETCAR RUMBLES]

♪

Hey, should I go floss?

NATHAN: I can't make
that decision for ya.

Hmm. Could you bring the floss to me?

Gross.

What? What the hell is this?

Oh, yeah, I made the switch.

- They give me more support.
- More support?!

Christ, what are we, ?
You can't just make a change

without checking in with each other!

Kate, I changed underpants,
not a mortgage plan.

Don't say underpants! Ugh! Christ!

Look at these things! Ugh!

It's not a big mortgage plan.
I'm just old and decrepit.

I think I'll sh*t myself

in these highly-supportive
underpants!

How's this, Nathan? Hmm?

You see what I'm dealin'
with? You like this?

- Is this what you want? Huh?
- Oh god, come on, Kate.

Are you ready to f*ck now, Nathan?

You ready to f*ck it out?

I'm gonna f*ck you to
death in these underpants,

and then I'm gonna bury you in them.

Kate!

[GASPS]