02x02 - Agata

[bunniefuu]

You know... the gap
between our encounters

has dropped from three
years to a couple of days.

- At this rate, we'll be married by lunch.
- [chuckles]

Yeah, I've got a vicar
hiding in the bathroom.

[Abigail] Did you
clock my big move there?

[Dylan] I did. I liked it.
You've got a cool flat, you know.

[Abigail sighs] Enjoy it while it lasts.
Lease is up at the end of the month.

- Where are you gonna go?
- I don't know.

Somewhere else round here.

Maybe back to Manchester.

Manchester's, like, four hours away.

Well, you see now, this is awkward,

'cause if you ask me
to stay it's premature,

and if you say nothing,

it'll seem like you're
secretly pleased I'm leaving.

So there's, like, two possible reactions
and both of them are problematic?

Yeah. Pretty glad I'm not you right now.

[Abigail chuckles]

[Dylan] So, why Manchester?

Been here a while and...

I've got friends there
and a few reasons to go.

Any reasons to stay?

Well played. [chuckles] You're
turning it around on to me.

- No, I wasn't. I'm just, you know...
- Luckily for you, I'm late for work.

I'm going that way.

I'm over there.

- Hey, Dylan.
- Yeah?

Do you want me to stay?

I think I do.

[sighs]

- [mouse clicks]
- [line ringing]

- Hey!
- Hi, it's been a while!

Um, now I know, um,

a lot of what I'm about to
say won't make much sense,

but, um, uh, I have to say it,
so I'm just gonna dive in, okay?

[upbeat music playing]

_

[indistinct chatter]

- Dylan! Hola, amigo!
- [Dylan laughs]

[grunting]

Yeah, I know. Sorry.

- Hi, I'm Dylan.
- Hi. Evie.

Welcome to mine and Evie's abode.

[Luke] At least ask
him who he's come as.

Oh, sorry. Uh, Dylan,
who've you come as?

I'm Spartacus.

No, I'm Spartacus! Ha!

- That's not gonna get old, is it?
- [laughs]

We'll only do it once, for every
single person at this party,

and they will all massively love it.

- This is my girlfriend, Agata.
- Hi, Agata.

- Hey.
- Agata, mi casa su casa.

Yeah, she doesn't speak,
uh, Spanish. She's Danish.

- Oh, do you speak Danish?
- Nope.

- Oh, right.
- Right. Does she speak English?

- No.
- [Evie] Mmm.

I'm guessing you guys aren't
big on the old pillow talk then?

Well, you'd be surprised

how much, uh, two people
can say without using words.

Dyl's like me. Dyl's a one-woman guy.

- Evie here doesn't believe in love.
- [Dylan] Really?

Luke told me about, uh, Robbie?

[stutters] Yeah, Robbie's just a friend.

Anyway, drinks?

- Agata?
- Oh, yeah. [chuckles]

Great, the girl speaks
my language. Let's go.

Get it on!

- Ow, that really hurt.
- [Luke] Sorry.

Eh!

All right, are you the letter "A" then?

- I think his "A" is for Angus.
- Come on!

- I'm the Fonz.
- I'm Dylan.

Hi, Angus. God, people are
really struggling with my outfit.

It's the hair. It's too curly.

- Mmm.
- Okay, well, should I be James Dean?

- James Dean had curly hair?
- [Luke and Evie] No.

- Angus, this is Agata.
- Hey, there. I'm James Dean.

- Hello.
- Ooh, bit of an accent there.

Polska? Sverige? Deutsche?

[in German] Yes! I'm from Leipzig.

[in German] A jewel of the East!

Your German is very proficient.

As a teenager I spent many happy summers

hill-walking in Bavaria
with my mother's family.

[in English] You speak Danish?

[in German] Why do they
think you're Danish?

Do they?

- [in English] What are you saying?
- This is sort of rude, Angus.

What you're doing is showing off
in front of Dylan's girlfriend.

- Yeah, well, actually...
- No, no, no, I'm sorry.

Poor old Dylan here is very much
in love with this fine young filly

and he's been working very
hard to master the basic Danish.

I can count from one to five.

- [counting in Danish]
- That's good, mate.

[in German] What is he saying?

- [in English] But...
- Seriously.

It's like Dylan's girlfriend
announces she's a scuba instructor

and you whip out an Aqua-Lung.

I have to say, that is
exactly what it feels like.

All right. I've just got
one point to make to you all.

Agata is about as Danish
as this can of lager.

- Mmm.
- [both chuckle]

Well, no, 'cause, um, that's
a Belgian lager, so... [laughs]

That's the point I'm making.

Yeah, but you're not holding a lager
brewed in Denmark, Angus. [laughing]

All right, grab some drinks, guys.

Uh, I'm gonna go make
a quick phone call.

[Jo] Hi, it's Jo. Leave a message.

Hey, honeycakes, um,
just to let you know,

without you this party is like
a martini without an olive.

And you know how daddy
likes his martinis,

served with a... a fat,
juicy green olive. [laughs]

- And erase that.
- [beeps]

Baby doll, hey, if you're
stuck in traffic, uh,

could you drop me a
text-ical, let me know,

'cause it's... obviously it's getting late
and, uh, papa needs some Jo-Jo, yo, yo.

[laughs]

That's not a criticism, by the way. I...

I just took a step back from my words

and realized it sounded like I was
criticizing you for not texting me,

but obviously, we all know it's illegal
to use your phone whilst you're driving,

and... and I do not want to
put you in any danger, Jo.

Love you. Bye-bye.

Nailed it. [sighs]

- [typing]
- [door opens]

- [Luke] Catch you later.
- [indistinct chatter]

Oh, hey, man, I hope you don't
mind me using your computer.

[Luke] No.

- [Dylan] I've typed this into Translate.
- Yeah, is that a phrase in Danish?

She might think you're trying
to make conversation about a car.

Yeah, I want her to know that
I feel this sort of, like,

bigger connection
with her. Like, like...

like two pieces of LEGO that
have just clicked together.

- [chuckles] Nice. LEGO's so Danish.
- And I don't want to freak her out,

but I just feel like we have this
whole, sort of, big future together

and I need to know if
she feels the same vibes.

That's the one, man. Type that.

- The... the whole thing?
- Do it.

Hey. [chuckles lightly]

I like your hair, but aren't
you gonna put a costume on?

[laughs] Ah. Funny, it's a
wig. What have you come as?

We're the Romantics.

Oh, uh, yeah, sorry,
obviously. [chuckles lightly]

Look, I really enjoyed the other
night. Can we do that again?

Uh, yeah.

Um, have your people talk to my people.

I do actually have people now.

Oh, uh, good, yeah, well,

someone to keep my people
company at long last. [laughs]

I got a gallery.

They're gonna exhibit
me in New York next year.

Oh, my God! You're
gonna be, like, a thing.

You should come visit. We'll
have a pad in Williamsburg...

[stuttering] Yeah, I
mean, I'm more of a...

Brooklyn kind of girl myself.

[chuckles] Williamsburg's in Brooklyn.

Uh... yeah, exactly.

Um, you know, Williamsburg, Brooklyn.

That's how we roll, isn't it?

"How we roll." For f*ck's sake.

[automated voice speaking Danish]

- Okay...
- Okay...

So I just need to memorize that.

Yeah, might leave you to it, bud.
I've got a little bit to prepare.

Want to make it a
special night for my gal.

- How's it all going with Jo?
- Yeah!

[stuttering] Yeah, you
know, it's been hard.

Studying in different cities,

her actually wanting to study,
those two things together alone...

But we've got the big love.

And I want to show her
how much that means.

Yeah, I hear you, man.

It's like life is a tent

and love is the big
pole right in the middle.

And everything else is just...

canvas and bits of rope.

That's beautiful, man.

Hey, thanks, man.

[in German] ...and the rind of the
cheese was not edible after all!

[both laughing]

[in English] Oh, I'm funny in German!

Cool. Yeah, I just need to, uh,
say this thing, if you don't mind.

No, go ahead.

Agata...

[speaking Danish]

Are you all right? You sound
like you've having a stroke.

No, it's not me, it's
Danish. It's really hard.

She's German.

- Agata's from Germany?
- Deutschland, ja.

- [chuckles] Oh, right!
- [Angus chuckles] Oh, that's a relief!

- [Agata] German!
- She doesn't speak Danish at all!

- She's German.
- German.

- Do you speak German?
- No. [laughs]

Oh, right, so...

nothing about this situation has
fundamentally changed, has it?

No.

Agata, Germany.

Dylan, uh, British.

I'll leave you to it. Sounds like
you've got a lot to catch up on.

Oh!

[in German] Could you
tell him it was nice sex

but I don't want any kind of
relationship including friendship.

I was just trying to find
the toilet in the gallery.

I was really desperate, hopping
up and down and he hugged me.

It was weird, but he's cute.

And then... somehow I am here!

You want me to tell him that?

I can't do this bad dancing
all night. I need a drink.

[in English] What did she say?

Uh, it was a very German sentence.

A lot of comparing things
to beer and engineering.

Doesn't really translate.

- But you understood what she said?
- Yeah, no, but only because

I've spent a lot of time
in die Mittelgebirge.

- This is very frustrating.
- I can only imagine.

[doorbell rings]

Hi, Jo. How are things?

I've arrived. [chuckles]
Hi, Angus. Who are you?

- James Dean.
- Oh.

You look more like the Terminator.

Yeah, I can go with that.

Luke's called me literally times.
So, I just want it on the record that...

I've arrived! I'm here! [chuckles]

I see he got you to dress Roman.

I'm Spartacus.

No! I'm Spartacus! Woof.

Perfect timing, come on in here.

[slow music playing]

- Hey, guys.
- Take a seat, mate.

You mentioned you might
look over my portfolio.

Now could be a good time...

- [music stops]
- [Luke] Listen up!

I've got something pretty
darn exciting to tell you.

Okay...

Now, our first holiday
together took us here.

Hence my costume.

- [Dylan] I'm Spartacus!
- [stutters] Not now, Dylan.

Luke, what are you doing?

[crowd cheering]

- You all ready for this?
- [crowd cheering]

I hope you're getting the
whole history theme now.

So this little, uh, Alpine weekend,
in that heady, unforgettable summer,

was where our love truly
deepened to where it is today,

which is basically, guys, an
extraordinarily deep place.

I'm talking like the
Marianas Trench of loves.

- [crowd] Aw.
- That's nearly seven vertical miles...

and yet, there are still giant
sponges and bacteria down there, folks,

because life, like love...

- always finds a way.
- [crowd] Aw.

- So, tonight, Jo-Jo... [stammers]
- Luke, uh...

[stutters] Uh, Jo-Jo-reno,
tonight, I just want to...

[retches] Sorry, no, I
just... I feel really unwell.

Okay, okay, okay. Hey,
let's get you some fresh air.

Um... [clears throat] That's okay.

Coming through, guys.
This is an emergency.

Coming through. Make way!

[music starts playing]

For f*ck's sake.

[in German] You didn't tell him?

Might have got lost in translation.

[chuckles]

- She doesn't like the way I hold hands?
- She doesn't wanna go out.

No. Are you sure you
understood that right?

We've discussed the history
of the Leipzig potato festival.

We understand each other...

Can you just tell her, like,

I really think if we
could find a way to speak,

that we'd have something special.

[in German] What's that?

He's proving hard to convince.

[in English] Sorry. She didn't
tell me she was gonna do that.

[exhales] This is gonna concentrate
all that blood right up in your core.

I'm not unwell. I faked it.

- Faked it?
- Okay, Luke, I need to talk to you.

I've been working really hard recently,

it's because medicine is my
future and it's demanding.

And then the other week Jenny asked me,
what does Luke want to do with his life?

- And, well, I...
- Travel with you, you know.

Kids at , get into swinging at .

Die in your old-lady arms. I
thought everyone knew that about me.

- What's this about, Jo-Jo?
- All of those things involve me.

The having kids. The...

- swinging, much appreciated.
- Welcome.

I feel every time I take up a hobby...

Hey, hey, hey! Let's
be absolutely clear.

I'd wanted to take up Irish
dancing for a long time.

You were the spark that lit that fire.

Some weeks I feel like the only
thing that's truly mine is my period!

Hey, you know I'd go halfsies with
you on that bad boy if I could.

I want to try new things.

So we'll... we'll try chess.

You know, we'll hand roll some sushi.

I just... I need... [sighs]

I'm sorry.

Sorry for what?

Oh, God.

For what?

[sniffles]

- [in German] What is your costume?
- The Terminator.

[in English] Apparently,
they've got a lot in common.

- Eh!
- [both laugh]

- How's it going with your guy?
- I haven't got a guy.

It's going badly.

Do you think Luke's okay?

No, no, no. This isn't
how it's supposed to go.

- I'm gonna go now.
- No, listen, I can change, okay?

Just tell me how to
change and I'll do it.

But that's exactly my point.

I just want to get things right, Jo-Jo!

- I want to try new things.
- That's great!

That's okay, so you can try new things

and I'll... sit and watch you.

Please, please, please,
please don't leave me.

[door opens]

[door closes]

- [knocking on door]
- [Evie] Luke, it's me and Dylan.

[Dylan] We just saw Jo leaving.

- Is everything...
- [Luke groaning]

[Luke continues groaning]

Yeah, man, me and Agata have also
hit a bit of a rocky patch, so...

[Luke banging head and groaning]

Nice, Dylan. Like Luke's
three-year relationship

is exactly the same as your...
I mean, how long was it?

- It's heartbreak.
- [Luke grunting]

[panting] Yeah.

- Do you want to talk...
- No talking.

[inhales deeply]

[sobbing]

- You're obviously unhappy.
- I'm happy.

I'm very happy to be putting
this on and taking it for a ride.

Why don't we just put the
suit aside and we'll talk?

Or we could drink really heavily?

Guys! We're having a party... okay?

[stutters] I'm gonna get back in
the game. That's what I want to do.

But first, I need to
remove my lederhosen.

And I should warn you that there
is no other costume beneath it.

_

[in German] Would you like
to come to my youth hostel?

I fly home tomorrow.

I think Dylan really did like you.

[in English] Goodbye, Angus.

[sighs]

[upbeat music playing]

[all cheering]

So we were in the gallery, and
she's looking at this painting,

and we're, like, obviously
feeling the same thing.

But you couldn't talk to each other.

[scoffs] Yeah, but what do
words really mean, anyway?

Oh, that's just stupid now.

Sorry, sorry, that's
a bit harsh. [scoffs]

It's not like I'm some
kind of relationships guru.

That, right there... is my big romance.

Hands up someone else's skirt.

Did he ask you if you
were okay about that?

Or did he just start...
possibly having sex

with that girl on that
chair at your house party?

He's a d*ck.

Is there, uh... is there
room on that broom for two?

I'm not sure witches give
lifts to guys in suits.

So are you a good witch or a bad witch?

I don't know. Three out of five?

- You tell me.
- [Luke chuckles]

Like... like a rating thing. Yes,
I see what you did there. [chuckles]

[clears throat]

[stutters] Just... I'll be
back in a sec, just, uh...

Okay...

[exhales]

[indistinct chatter]

I was just, uh... just checking the bar.

We're actually all out of newts and
bats. Would you settle for a vodka?

- Uh, fine for now. Hmm.
- Hmm.

You know, I could have sworn

I saw you about to propose
to some girl earlier

in very short lederhosen.

Yeah, that was actually... that was...

that was my mate Steve
dressed as my German twin.

Spooky resemblance.

If anyone's spooky around here, it's
you, my spooky, spooky little witch.

Here, wait a second.

- [sighs]
- Hmm.

That's better.

Hail Satan!

How's that broomstick looking now?

Now I'd... now I'd let you hop on.

Do you think they're really doing it?

Maybe the problem isn't us. It's
just bad luck and bad people.

You have to stay open to
real, true love if you find it,

'cause otherwise your soul
could just like wither and...

What was that?

Just shut up.

_

- [sniffs]
- What are you doing?

Sorry, no, yeah. It's just... You
just smell different, that's all.

- Different to what?
- No one.

- Well, okay, someone.
- Right.

Maybe just keep these
thoughts in your head.

Okay, that makes sense
actually, when you say it.

You smell very nice.

Just not like her, that's all. It's new.

[chuckling] What did I just say?

Gotcha, yeah, I remember.

Yeah, that's right.

Hmm.

[sniffs]

- Are you still sniffing me?
- No!

Look, I am really tired,

so can you please just behave like
I don't need to worry about you?

Yeah. Yeah, of course. Yeah, sorry.

[Zoe chuckles]

[muffled sobbing]

[exhales deeply]

Enough.

[birds chirping]

[chuckles] What?

Last night was amazing.

Mmm-hmm. [chuckles]

Ten out of ten. No fouls, no mishaps.

Uh... [chuckles] it's
a bit early for that.

Really? Last night we were, um...

Yeah, I know, I was there. [grunts]

Is this going weird?

Maybe a bit.

You're just... you're just taking
a perfectly nice one-night stand

and making it mean something.

[stutters] I'm hopeful,
that's all, you know.

If, uh... if something
like last night happens,

then I wake up hopeful that it'll
turn into something good, you know.

[inhales] Doesn't everyone want that?

I wake up hungry and a bit
hungover and needing a shower.

Look, you're nice, Dylan,
and it was great, but I'm...

I'm not the girl for, um,
bluebirds bursting into song.

So, why don't we just have a cup of tea
and maybe not really mention this again?

Yeah, yeah, I like... I like tea.

Oh, come on!

Less than hours ago

some German girl that you couldn't talk
to was the love of your life. [laughing]

[sighs]

Okay, last night was great. It's just...

the morning is supposed
to feel a bit weird.

Okay.

We've got Luke in common, so we
need to get on. So, let's just...

- Move on.
- Yep.

So, I'm gonna put some
clothes on as a first step.

Yep, and I'm just gonna
not look at you to really...

[inhales sharply] bed in to
knowing that this ever happened.

Ah, good, you're getting the hang of it.

_

I don't know, for me, it's not
really about chlamydia, um...

I can see for anyone I
might have given it to,

it is mostly about chlamydia.

Um, I guess I was hoping that
you'd all give me answers.

Um, you see, I met someone.

And I know you don't speak
any English, so, um...

I just, you know... I just
needed someone to confess to.

My English is better now. I
lived in London five years.

Oh. Oh, sh*t!

What I think about your
situation, I think it is good.

- You found someone you like?
- Yeah.

It could be great, I just, uh...

I have no faith in my judgment anymore.

Well, good luck.

I've got to go work now.

[stutters] All right,
thanks for the talk.

- Say hi to Angus for me.
- [call disconnects]

Morning, roomies.

Divorce papers. I'm very
nearly not married anymore.

You'll move on. We'll help.

Is it time for that? Already?

Yeah.

Yeah, it is time to move on.

It is. It needs to happen.

Hmm.

[Angus sighs]

- So, Angus...
- [Angus] Mmm.

I've just been on the old Internet
with Agata, all the way from Germany.

- No? Really?
- [Dylan] Who says hello. Yeah.

[all cheer]

[indistinct chatter]

[whimsical music playing]