03x04 - Evie

[bunniefuu]

[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]

♪ Come the leopard and lace ♪

♪ The faces that tore me ♪

♪ Keep guarding my way ♪

♪ What happened to us? ♪

♪ Torn from the moment ♪

♪ Lost to the sound ♪

♪ I can't feel enough ♪
♪ To feel the weight of us ♪

♪ I can't feel enough ♪

[SNORING]

♪ I can't feel enough ♪

♪ This love ain't mine ♪

♪ This love ain't mine ♪

♪ This love ain't mine ♪

Big day.

[SNORING CONTINUES]

- [SNORTS] What? Is it the baby?
- No, it's you.

Why? What's wrong with me?

You sound like you're about to die.
You keep going...

[IMITATES SNORING]

Yeah, I do sometimes
snore when I'm tired.

No, I've slept next to snoring,
and this is something else.

Maybe it's because of your wriggling.
You don't stop moving.

- Only if I'm awake.
- You wriggled all night.

I've been up all night
thanks to your snoring.

Which was because of your wriggling.
The one followed the other.

I'm the chicken. You're the egg.

- Which came first? Wasn't me.
- Hey.

Look, I think we're just tired.

I might sleep back at
my old place tonight.

It's just...
Well, the mattress here isn't great.

Yes. This mattress is terrible.

Yeah, it's sagging, but also hard...

It's all wrong, isn't it?
And if you were comfortable at night...

Well, I'd be asleep
and you wouldn't...

Not even a snuffle out of me!

That's the problem here.
This m*therf*cker has to go.

What are you thinking?

I was wondering
if you're okay about Abigail.

I think so. Um...

I think we should just be
in the moment today.

I have this habit...

I know your habits.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

So, could we just not think any further
than a cup of tea?

I'd love one.

[CHUCKLES]

[ABIGAIL] I'm not saying
I'm doing it, I just...

If I did have to leave the city,
can I sublet the flat?

Or... is there any chance
you'd let me out of the contract early?

I'd just quite like to know
what the options are.

- [SIGHS] You're awake, you sly bugger.
- Unbelievable. Unbelievable.

You're trying to sneak out

without so much as a thank you note
on the side table.

No, I was just getting up
to look for a pen.

Okay, all right, I'll just pop a review
on TripAdvisor later on.

- Honestly, the sneak out, though?
- Come on. That is a classic.

Surely you have used
that a million times?

I personally do not favor it. It risks
insinuating that shame is at work.

- I'm not ashamed.
- Well, me neither.

But the whole very quiet dressing
and a tiptoe out routine

implies that somebody is trying
to avoid something.

I think it's considerate.

Letting the other person get
their full eight hours of beauty sleep.

No. What you do is this...

Shake the other person awake,
gently, of course.

You pay them one solid compliment
and then leave.

Jonesy. Your thighs
are smooth and fragrant,

but I'm going to leave now
because I have a squash lesson.

- A squash lesson?
- Yeah.

You can't just wander onto
the court with a racket.

- There are techniques to learn.
- Oh, I am sorry,

but the lame excuse for leaving is
so much worse than the sneaking out.

- Really?
- Yeah.

- Are you serious?
- Why not?

Look, the one-night stand
requires darkness, alcohol

and an itch that needs scratching.
But now?

Stop. It is light, and I am hungover,
and that itch

has been well and truly scratched,
my sweet, sweet darling.

No. You're thinking
about this all wrong.

Luke, I just need to...

- Oh! Hello. What are you doing here?
- I had sex with Luke last night.

Oh! Well, how nice.
Sorry, am I intruding?

- No. We're good. We're all done here.
- But are we?

I could come back later
if we're undecided?

- No. It's definitely decided.
- [ANGUS] Luke, do we have consensus?

- [SIGHS] What's up, man?
- Right, well,

Holly's not comfortable on my mattress.
I just wanted to...

The springs on this bad boy
went south a long time ago.

- Wear and tear, baby.
- Curly, could you pass me my pants?

Oh.

I think it's Holly's pregnancy.
Her body's

not responding well to normal bedding.

Is that something that can happen?

Sounds like something
that might happen.

Hmm. Anyway, a new mattress
is what's called for.

Right, I'm off. Luke, very well done
for last night, five stars.

But my father just d*ed.

My God, Jonesy, I'm so sorry...

No, he's not really dead, but I do have
a squash lesson to get to. So, goodbye.

Hey, you know
who has a really terrific mattress?

Bloody hell.

- Sorry.
- Hi. Sorry.

It's fine. It's just...

Sorry. Can I just clarify?
Have the two of you been having sex?

You're good friends,
and there's a chance

there's a perfectly normal explanation

for both of you being
naked in bed together.

- No, we've had...
- Yeah. We...

No need to be shy. We've all been there.

Well, not Luke. But you and I did.

So is this a Luke and Jonesy
sort of thing or something else?

- A what?
- A sex friends arrangement?

- No. No.
- No.

- Oh...
- [EVIE CHUCKLES SOFTLY]

Wow! Bloody hell! Well done!

[CHUCKLES]

Was there something?

Yes. Well remembered. The mattress.

I want to see if your
mattress is any good.

- It's very pleasant.
- May I?

[WHOOPS] Yes. Ooh.
That is a very nice bounce.

Can I just take down the details?

Okay.

- It's for Holly.
- [LUKE] Angus!

- [ANGUS] In here.
- [LUKE] Seriously, I was about

one minute off persuading Jonesy to...
No f*cking way!

- Way.
- Definitely way.

Oh, my God, are you seeing this?

Yes. Not even a
you-and-Jonesy sort of thing.

Sorry, what is a Luke
and Jonesy sort of...

This is huge. Or is it huge?
I mean, you guys together?

You love each other?

Yeah, that sort of sums it for me.

- [SCREAMS] I'm really naked under here.
- Don't you worry about that, poppet.

Angus, get in here, bud.

Ooh! Four of us on the mattress,
I still feel very supported by it.

Wow... I actually feel very emotional.

- [ANGUS] It came as a shock to me, too.
- Guys.

- Do you want some space?
- Well...

You do, don't you?
You'd like some space.

You'd like some
old-fashioned alone time?

- It's fine, you can hang out.
- Can I?

Ah! See, there was a little bit
of hesitation there. Was there?

Did Angus interrupt you guys having sex?

Angus, did you interrupt
them having sex?

We were drinking tea. It's fine.

You know what? For now, do your thing.

Come on,
we're third and fourth wheeling.

It's fine. You can stay.

Do you need me to? I love you guys,
and I will do that for you.

Were we feeling
some sort of awkward silence?

Because I will fill that sh*t
with conversation all day long. Easy.

It's not that we need you to stay.
It's more that you can, if you want to.

Why don't we all just get up?

Okay, cool. Me and
Angus will go first.

Yeah!

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

- Does that mean we have to get up now?
- I think we've sort of promised to.

Hmm. Was Luke all right?
I thought he went a bit...

Yeah, that whole
"we're third wheels" thing.

Yeah. Maybe we should just invite
him out instead of, like, dating?

- We're going to date?
- Aren't we?

I don't know. Have we skipped all that?

- I probably need to get up anyway.
- Big plans?

I need to get my stuff from Abigail's.

I left some things
there, and she texted.

Of course, that's fine.

It could probably wait.

More tea?

I'll make it.

I am now going to walk across the room,
naked, in daylight,

and I think it's okay if you look.

Might as well get it over with.

[LAUGHS]

Same day delivery?

That's wonderful.

Yes, I will pay the extra £ .

One thousand hand-stitched
pocket springs.

- Is it really expensive?
- No, it's fine.

You, my love, are gonna sleep
like a dead woman.

Yeah, it's one, two, six, eight, nine...

Hey. So, um, nothing's going to change.

We just wanted you to know that.

And we should all go out tomorrow.
Together.

Sounds great.

So, it's so weird, man.

A week ago, I was telling Abigail
that I love her,

and I thought I did,
but now I don't, and I'm with Evie.

It's not weird, dude. It's Dylan .
I mean, it's classic edition Dylan.

- No. No, it's...
- It's essence de Dylan.

- Just don't f*ck it up.
- We won't.

She won't. But you might.

What? Why me?

- Come on.
- Come on what?

I've seen you fall in love
a dozen times. Maybe more.

I've never seen you in a relationship
longer than four months.

That's what I'm saying.

This time it matters.

- If you mess this up...
- Or if she does...

It'll break the three of us apart.

There's no getting around it.

Whether we like it or not,
we are a love triangle

with me a non-sexual participant.

Listen, I can handle a couple plus moi.

But moi plus two people who won't
talk to each other... f*ck.

And that is all
on your shoulders now, Dylan.

Hence... don't f*ck it up.

This is meant to be
our honeymoon period.

Then what are you doing in here?
Go back to bed!

- I came here to reassure you.
- Consider me reassured.

Now I'm completely thrown.

You're not having second
thoughts already?

No! I just want it all to be simple!
I mean, you know, at least for a week.

Don't we at least get that?

You know what, forget what I said, okay?
You guys are going to be great.

I'm genuinely happy for you.

If one of my friends finds happiness,
it's a great day.

My two best friends finding it
on the same day?

Break out the champagne.

Just don't f*ck it up.

Look, the most exciting thing is
it ushers in an era of double-dating.

Dates are often the two of you trying
to think of things

you might possibly have in common,

and now I'll have
two proper friends there,

and it'll still count as a date.
So everyone wins.

We can even walk home together.

The only thing I'll have to do on my own
is the sex.

[GROANS]

That is one hell of a mattress.
Come and have a bounce.

Sorry, I really should have...

That's okay. There's no rush.

[CHUCKLES]

- Did you check the bathroom?
- Yeah, yeah.

This is probably it.
If I find anything else...

Yeah, don't worry about it.

- I'll just send it on.
- Whatever's easiest.

- It's like some Cold w*r exchange.
- [LAUGHS]

Meet at the border, swap assets
and then...

- Thank you. And...
- Don't.

I was just gonna ask if you're okay.

I know you were. I'll be fine.

Got socks, pants,
couple of T-shirts, slightly soiled.

You are good to go, my friend.

Are you with her?

I know it's not my place to ask,
but I just wondered.

You can see why I would.

You don't have to say.

Yeah, I think we're gonna be together.

That's good.

I'm really... I'm...

[EVIE] You don't think
he'll change his mind?

I think, um, he'll have a wobble...

at some point in his late s
and only for an afternoon.

And then you'll die in each other's arms
two weeks later.

Yeah. End-stage chlamydia,
never fully cured.

[BOTH LAUGH]

But he has been gone quite a long time.

Did he pack a bag before he left?

Did he express a desire
to run away with the circus?

- Mm-hmm.
- One last quick shag with Abigail?

- Hey, that's close to the bone.
- Sorry.

No, I think you'll be fine.

It all just all looks so uphill.

There's this idea
of where I'm meant to end up.

And I don't even necessarily know
if I want children,

but somehow there's still this picture
in my head...

and it's a cottage...

with a dozen kids running around,

and I'm fatter and contented
with books published.

And I'm loved.

And then on days like today,
it just feels exhausting,

the prospect of slogging my way there,
from here.

[SIGHS]

Sorry.

No, I do... I understand some of that.
I felt that way for a long time.

But not today.

I don't know how I feel today.

[CELL PHONE VIBRATING]

You should get that.

[SIGHS] She'll be
wondering where you are.

- No, it's...
- Trust me, you should get it.

Anyway, you can go.

I can stay.

I don't want you to.

I'd like us to be friends.
When you feel like...

If that's something that you want.

We live in the same city,
and you're really great.

All right.

♪ Breaking down ♪
♪ Your days getting longer ♪

♪ There's a yellow glass dragon ♪
♪ Who's chasing you around ♪

♪ Sit your head on a silver jet stream ♪

♪ While the smoke is rising over ♪
♪ Your thoughts and your dreams ♪

Okay. Off you go.

♪ You get up ♪

♪ Get up, you get up ♪

♪ You get up ♪

- [ANGUS] Well?
- [HOLLY] Yeah.

Really comfy. Very supportive.

Do you want to put it through its paces?

No, we don't have to. Um...

Maybe just a smattering of oral
and see where we end up?

Or just a bloody good night's sleep.
At last.

I'm not sure it's the mattress.

No, it is. It definitely is.

Poor sleep wreaks havoc
on your cortisol levels.

- It turns people into monsters.
- But I worry that...

Have a night's sleep.
Just sleep it all off.

You think that's the reason
why we've been bickering?

I'm sure of it.

And I'm sorry I put you through a bad
mattress for so long. I'm an idiot.

I love you.

Just shut your eyes and go to sleep.

Okay.

Yeah. Go on. Go off to sleep.
I'm gonna watch you do it.

Just drift off.

Get yourself ten wonderful hours
of undisturbed rest.

Healing, soothing rest,
all taking place on a mattress made

of , hand-stitched pocket springs.

- Angus!
- All right.

[LUKE] Yeah, I'm in town anyway,
so it's really no trouble.

Which bar are you in? Yeah, I know it.
I know it well. [CHUCKLES]

Seriously, this bar that I'm
currently in is really quiet anyway,

so I'll come and find you. Happy to.

Hi, stranger.

Hi. Sorry that took...

- Was it okay?
- Yeah.

Obviously not easy, but fine.

Are you coming to bed?

Definitely. Let me just, um...

- Are you sure everything's all right?
- Of course.

You're just acting a bit...

What?

I don't know. Was everything all right?

What are you asking?

Nothing. I'm just
asking if you're okay.

I've answered that question twice
in the last minute.

Yeah, and each time
your answer is total bollocks.

You say you're fine,
it's like you're biting my head off.

Because you won't let me be fine.

How am I meant to convince you?
What do I do? What am I meant to say?

You're meant to say that you're not
okay. Pretending that everything's okay

is how we got into this mess
in the first place.

- What mess?
- Less than a day.

- What?
- Arguing! Dylan, if it was me,

I wouldn't be okay.
When it was me, I wasn't okay.

It wasn't okay. It was awful.

I feel terrible.

It's good that it's not easy.

Only a psychopath would break up
with someone and not care about them

and not think about them a minute later.

I feel so guilty. I feel toxic with it.

And I don't want to feel sad today.
I want to kiss you.

We can. And we will.

But there is a cost to it.

[SIGHS]

- Morning.
- So, here we are again.

So it would appear. Yeah.

It was really nice of you
to return that £ note to me.

Yes, it was just lying there
on the carpet.

I couldn't very well hang onto that
in good faith.

Yeah, after I dropped it there.

That's right. That's
where you dropped it.

Onto the carpet. Which you...
You definitely did do that,

but it could happen to anyone,
wouldn't you think?

I can't approve,
but I do like that you were underhand.

And clearly you needed cheering up
or you wouldn't have tracked me down

with such a half-assed excuse.

The pity f*ck. Yes.
Very generous of you.

[CHUCKLES] No, no. I think
there was give and take on both sides.

Now, will you be a gentleman
and hunt down my underwear,

which I have genuinely dropped
onto your carpet?

Oh! Um...

Do you maybe want to hang
out for a little bit?

No.

Hmm.

Where shall we go tonight?

I don't know, man.
Maybe get something to eat?

- Why don't we go get curry?
- [LAUGHS]

One day in and you're already risking
curry farts? That smacks of confidence.

Dyl, do her feet sweat?

- Luke.
- They do get quite warm.

- Morning, all.
- How's the new mattress?

- Yeah, very comfortable.
- Holly happy with it?

Well, good and bad news on that front.
Um...

She loves the mattress,
but she wants us to take a break.

She's sort of left me.

If I'm honest about it,
I do feel amazingly gutted.

♪ Blue, they were the eyes of shame ♪

♪ And I would like to stay ♪

♪ Take me in ♪

♪ Throw down ♪
♪ Like you're a fire-breathing fiend ♪

♪ Because I need your birth ♪

♪ Keep on fighting ♪