Ladies and gentlemen,
the next city councilor
for the great city of Pawnee
Bobby Newport.
Hey.
Thanks, guy.
Hey, all right.
Hi, I'm Bobby Newport.
You know, we're two days
into this campaign,
and so far it's going great.
In fact, I don't know why
they call it a "cam-pain."
Because up until now
it's been a "cam-pleasure."
All right, hey, why don't
we line up for autographs
and free Bobby bars.
Huh?
Who wants a Bobby bar?
Bobby Newport, heir to
the sweetums candy fortune.
My dad made 'em.
He just entered the race,
and he's already
70 points up in all the polls.
He is attractive
and charming.
And his family employs
half the town,
but so what?
I am a lifelong
government bureaucrat
who's well-versed
in the issues.
And those are the kind
of sexy qualifications
that win elections.
How's it going?
I'm Bobby Newport.
But you probably
knew that already.
Well, Mr. Newport,
we meet at last.
I'm Leslie Knope.
Ah, okeydoke.
So do you want me to sign that
to miss Lope or just Nesney?
What? No.
- Leslie's fine.
- Leslie?
Yeah, miss Knope is
a candidate for city council.
Been calling your office
trying to set up a debate.
Oh, no,
you guys are wrong.
I'm running unopposed.
I'm pretty sure
I'm running unopposed, right?
No, you're not running
unopposed.
You've very opposed by me.
Oh, terrific.
We just told you.
We're gonna be running
for city council.
Great.
Here, have a Bobby bar.
Go ahead,
my dad made 'em.
Okay, folks.
Hey, I'm Bobby Newport.
I think we scared him.
Here, have a Bobby bar.
My dad made 'em.
♪
Hey, Ann,
are you still a nurse
or did they fire you because
you slept with all the doctors?
You wanna try that again?
Hey, Ann,
are you still a nurse?
Because Andy's not
feeling well.
What's wrong, Andy?
Just got a headache.
And I'm seeing double.
And I got a song
stuck in my head,
and my teeth hurt.
Also I'm hungry.
Okay, well, some of
those things are symptoms
and some of them
are just being a person.
- Did you hit your head?
- No.
Oh, yes, technically
I did smash my head area
into the wall area.
Yeah, he was hanging up
his gold record.
Oh, my God,
are you okay?
Yeah, I'm good.
Point is,
I have a gold record.
Well, I can help you
with cuts and bruises
but the other stuff you're gonna
have to see a real doctor.
Hey, smart ass,
we can't afford it.
Hey, smart ass,
yes, you can.
You have insurance.
Neither of your asses
are that smart
because insurance is for
if something bad happens
to your car.
P.S. I haven't had it
in years.
Oh, my God,
we used to live together.
Yeah, you still
got it for me.
I'm Bobby Newport.
My family owns nine square
miles of land in this town.
And isn't my family what this
town's really about?
Vote Bobby Newport
for city council.
That guy is everywhere.
I am not complaining.
Well, we have to find
a way to b*at him.
And luckily Ben
is going to announce
the most amazing campaign
strategy ever thought of
in the entire history
of western democracy.
Go, Ben,
here's your great idea.
We're all ready for it.
And start.
I'm running for office.
I'm surrounded by my friends.
My campaign manager and I
are in love.
This is exactly
how I dreamed it would be
when I was a kid.
Except I wasn't
70 points behind
and my campaign manager
was Mr. Belvedere.
We are David.
Newport is Goliath.
This is our slingshot.
- Yes, we'll write
an inspiring op-ed piece.
- No, the Pawnee-Eagleton
high school basketball game.
Now, in this town it's bigger
than the Super Bowl.
We take all our money, we air
a TV ad right at halftime.
And I think we should make
an att*ck ad
against Bobby Newport.
- Oh!
- That is a great idea!
- Thank you.
- Excellent.
- Yay, it's a good idea.
- All right, great.
So let's get to work.
Ron Swanson.
How are you?
Present.
I have a meeting
at public works,
and I was thinking that maybe
you might wanna sit in.
Why would you think that?
They are working on
a number of fascinating,
big-budget projects...
I'm very busy here.
That I am being forced
to brutally cut entirely.
I can make room
in my schedule.
Wonderful.
As you know, I'm not a big fan
of delivering bad news.
Chris, it would be
my absolute pleasure.
Have you considered cutting
the entire fire department?
I've personally put out
several local fires
at no cost
to the taxpayer.
Look to the left.
The right.
Whatever.
Are you
the kind of doctor
who gets hooked
on his own dr*gs?
I bet you are.
So, Andy,
tell me what happened.
I was reading
an encyclopedia,
and I tripped
or "fell over"
and hit my head
or brain helmet.
Yeah, he sneezed and smacked
his head against the wall.
That sounds about right.
Well, if it's a concussion
it's extremely mild,
so I wouldn't worry about it.
Anything else bothering you?
- Nope.
- Okay.
Well, I mean, yeah,
I've got a weird rash
in my knee pit area.
And my tongue,
on this side,
doesn't taste
anything anymore.
Sometimes when I walk
my ankles make, like,
a weird rattlesnake sound.
What else?
Things that are far away
from my eyes are fuzzy.
I once ate a Twix
with the wrapper on it,
and I've never seen
the wrapper come out.
Also I've swallowed
every piece of gum
that I've chewed
for the past 25 years.
- Andy!
- I don't know.
I broke my thumb
on the way over here.
Just fix me.
Well, I can help you
with the thumb.
And I'll have to give you
referrals for specialists
for the other thousand things.
Wow, thanks for nothing,
Dr. Harris.
You're welcome.
Hey, I'm Bobby Newport.
I'm a regular guy.
I like dogs.
I'm here with my persian
greyhound raclette,
who was given to me
by my buddy,
the pretender to the crown
of Alsace-Lorraine.
Vote Bobby Newport
for city council.
Hey, um,
between you and me,
I think that Donna is having
a problem with going negative
in the ad.
- Nah-uh,
I always go negative.
Even if I like the guy
I go negative.
Keeps 'em interested.
Thanks, Donna.
Well, I didn't want
to tell you this,
but Ann is having
a hard time with it.
She's kind of freaking out
right now.
Oh, my God,
this magic marker
smells like cherries.
Hey, here's a question,
do you like the idea?
It's... who...
Do you like it?
Look, you have a vision
of how your campaign should go.
I am your chief strategist,
so I'm sure
we can work it out.
Why don't you just tell me
what you're thinking.
I hate negative ads,
and I would never do one
in a million years.
Thank you, John,
for coming in.
The public works department
is wonderful,
and you are the best idea man
in the business.
We're cancelling all of
your ongoing projects.
What?
What about
the Pawnee river dam?
Dam's dead.
Have a nice day.
Where will
all the water go?
Wherever it's headed now.
The important thing is the dam
is never happening
and your dream
has been crushed.
- We're very sorry.
- I am not.
Good meeting.
It's not a negative ad.
We're stating facts about him,
and, yeah,
they happen to be negative
because he's a bonehead.
Well, I wanted
to run an ad
that highlights
the good things about me,
not the bad things
about somebody else.
Tom, you are our
communications director.
Weigh in here.
Leslie,
I love your idea.
I also love your idea.
Two great ideas,
two great people.
I don't know
which idea's better,
but I do know I'll end up
on the winning side.
When I bet on horses,
I never lose.
Why?
I bet on all the horses.
How 'bout we do this,
we split up into teams,
we each make a demo version
of our ad.
Whichever one we like better
we use.
Great idea!
As long as Leslie
thinks so as well.
Sure, I'll pick Ann
and Donna for my team.
You can take Jerry.
What?
Well, you wanted
to go negative.
You got the biggest negative
in the world, buddy.
Okay everybody
I need big smiles from you
We're making
a positive ad here.
So just think of this
as Christmas and your birthday
and the first day of school
all rolled up into one.
Positive is always
better than negative.
Barack Obama said,
"yes we can,"
and now he's president.
Ben says,
"no we shouldn't,"
and now he's working
for his girlfriend.
Guys, I need
double the smiles, okay?
Let's take it back again.
And action.
And this is going great.
We're really positive.
I think we're getting
good stuff, right?
What's the...
Oh, come on.
Leslie, I think Bobby
Newport's bus was in that sh*t.
Do you think?
E, h, 4, m.
Potato shape.
Coffee mug shape.
Smudge, smudge,
middle finger, smudge.
The rest are all smudges.
Oh, my God,
you drove us here.
We made, like, 100 million
doctors' appointments
for ourselves in one week.
After this we won't
have to go to the doctor
for, like, ten years,
because we're smart.
Well, you definitely
need glasses.
No, he's not
getting glasses.
I like his face
the way it is.
If you get glasses,
I'll divorce you.
Well, you heard her, doc.
Too handsome for glasses,
no offense.
I gotta admit,
his hair game's on point.
Gotta find out
what kind of product
he puts up in his "herr."
Hey, how's
Leslie's ad going?
It's very good.
But yours is also very good.
- You ready for
the voice-over?
Yeah.
Bobby Newport's never
had a real job
in his life.
You gotta give it
more attitude.
It's gotta scare people.
Bobby Newport...
Yeah, okay.
All right.
Bobby Newport's never had
a real job in his life.
- Bobby Newport's never had
a real job in his life.
Bobby Newport.
Bobby Newport.
Bobby Newport.
Bobby Newport.
Bobby Newport.
Bobby Newport.
- Bobby.
- Bobby.
Bobby.
Newport.
All right, now we're just
wasting time, Jerry.
Ron Swanson!
I want to thank you for being
so ruthless and cruel
in the meeting
the other day.
You'll have to be
more specific.
With the public works
department about the dam.
Ah.
What do you say
I take you to lunch
and then we can talk
about all the projects
that you want
to get accomplished.
That won't be necessary.
I don't have any projects.
I hate projects.
What a pill.
We should order.
And then we can talk shop.
What are you gonna have?
I'm thinking something
raw and cucumber-based.
A cucumber.
I don't know what happened.
I declined
his invitation.
He started laughing.
And the next thing I knew,
we were at lunch.
Did he drug me?
Hi, I'm Bobby Newport.
My dad is friends
with John Cougar Mellencamp.
That's pretty cool.
What is this guy
running for,
president of being on every
channel all the time?
Reminder, Leslie,
we have less than an hour
to get the ad
to the station.
Ann, you're beautiful
and you're organized.
So in order
not to bias anyone,
these are the two ads
that Ben and I made.
I'm just gonna
pick one randomly,
and we'll play
that one first.
Oh, yay,
the awesome one.
Hi, I'm Leslie Knope.
I'm pro-parks,
pro-public safety,
and I'm pro-clean water.
I'm also pro-environmental
regulation,
and I'm very,
very pro-local propositions
45, 86, and 102f.
But most of all,
I'm pro-Pawnee.
Here are some other things
that I'm pro.
As you can see,
I'm in favor
of a lot of things,
like hot dogs.
Right, Charlie?
I'm Leslie Knope,
and I approve
this message.
Yes.
I love it.
Fantastic.
Do we even want
to screen yours?
Uh, yeah,
that was awful.
What do you mean?
Name one thing
that was wrong with it.
Okay, you never
even mentioned
you were running
for office.
You literally never said
the words "city council."
I did... it's implied.
I didn't... we can just
put it in.
Okay.
Leslie is so good
at so many things
and so bad at that.
Bobby Newport's been handed
everything on a silver platter.
His cushy job at his dad's
candy company,
handed to him.
His 60-foot boat,
Bobby's boat,
handed to him
when he was 12.
Leslie Knope is running
for city council too,
and she's earned everything
she's ever gotten.
She has.
Bobby Newport wants you
to just hand him
this election.
Don't.
I won't.
- Yes.
- Yes, yes.
I love it.
Now, people,
this is an ad.
- It's succinct, it's punchy.
- It's mean.
It's depressing.
It's awful.
"I am Ben Wyatt, and I want
to destroy Leslie's dreams."
Okay, if you're allergic
to any food,
we'll know
in a few days.
I think
based on the redness
I might be allergic
to getting stabbed by needles.
We have already been to, like,
five different doctors.
- I got my ankles microwaved.
- X-rayed.
They took my blood away
to use for science.
Cholesterol tests.
April had
her sinuses removed?
Looked at.
Some guy looked
at my wiener, touched it.
That was weird.
And that guy
wasn't even a doctor.
That...
What?
Now I think it is time
for us to take a vote.
So who's in favor
of Ben's ad?
Traitors!
Ann, I painted
your garage pink.
I did not ask you
to do that.
Leslie, look,
I want you to win,
and Ben's ad
is just better.
Our friendship is over.
No, it's not.
It's not over.
It's never over.
BFF.
I love you forever.
You know what, it seems like
we're kind of evenly split.
I think we should
keep debating.
We're not split.
It's unanimous.
- We air my ad.
- But I...
This is just... it's just not
the way I dreamed it would be.
This is
the right call, okay?
I promise.
Okay.
I'm going to air
a negative ad.
It's out of my hands now.
But you know what,
I'm actually feeling
very zen about this.
- Are you Ben Wyatt?
- Yeah.
Okay, I need that DVD
in the control room.
- Aah!
- Oh, my God.
I am Leslie Knope, and
I do not approve this message.
What are you doing?
What are you...
Ah.
Alright, the good news is,
there's only two pieces
of bad news.
The bad news is,
none of our ads aired
and we cannot get
our money back.
Oh, God.
There was probably
a better way
for you to tell us that.
You both really blew this.
But I can't wait to hear
your new ideas.
I love 'em already.
Ooh, I'm hungry.
Tommy needs a mango.
See ya.
I'm really sorry
I tackled you.
It's just, I'd rather run
the fake campaign ads
that I made
when I was ten
than become negative
and cynical.
Look, I really don't wanna
crush your childhood dreams,
but I bet in your dreams
you weren't losing an election
by 70 points.
You need to get tougher,
Leslie.
You just have to.
You need to get tougher.
You were pretty easy
to take down.
Thanks.
Ron Swanson!
Just the man
I wanted to see.
I'm going to be going
to a seminar
on the art of
the japanese tea ceremony...
Or "chakai" at the Pawnee
community college,
and I thought you might like
to come with me.
Why?
I know how much
you value silence.
A fair point.
But we did just
have lunch last week,
so I feel like we've spent
enough social time together
for the foreseeable...Ever.
All right, well,
if you change your mind,
you know where to find me.
- Donna Meagle!
- Chris Traeger!
For some godforsaken reason
that man is suddenly determined
to hang on with me.
You mean hang out?
What is wrong with him?
I don't know, he's got you
doing Ben's job,
eating lunch with him
like Ben used to.
Maybe he just misses
his little buddy.
Ow.
Let's get you home
and get me some ice cream.
Here's your bill.
Whoa, yeah,
won't be needing that.
I've got
the free medicine card.
Uh, there's a $500 deductible
for dental procedures.
Oh, I think you're wrong.
We have the insurance thing.
- I believe we're covered.
- It's still $500.
Let's see here.
Oh, because,
you know what...
Let's go!
Dine and dash.
Out of the way!
Yeah!
Whoo-hoo-hoo!
Ah!
Ah, call an ambulance!
A different ambulance than
the one I ran into.
This is city council
candidate Leslie Knope
when she was ten years old.
Hi, I'm Leslie Knope.
I love Pawnee.
And I want to make it
even better.
Better schools,
safer streets,
and a more progressive tax
on residential properties.
This is city council
candidate Bobby Newport today.
People keep asking me:
Bobby, what are you gonna do
once you get into office?
Um, I'm pretty sure
I'll figure it out.
Leslie Knope had better
ideas when she was ten
than Bobby Newport has now.
They do have
one thing in common.
Both: I like dogs.
For a better Pawnee,
vote Knope for city council.
Well, we already have
a thousand views.
Yeah, but no calls
from reporters,
no interview requests.
I don't care.
I'm proud of it.
You sure?
It is accurate about
my opponent, it does not take...
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
hold that thought.
Ron Swanson!
What a pleasant surprise.
And who's this?
This is a great friend
of mine.
He is a fellow
who works in the building...
- ...and he is named Dennis.
- Kyle.
He strongly enjoys
japanese culture,
and I thought he might
wanna go with you
to the thing.
- The tea ceremony.
- Yes.
You're a brother
japanophile?
I was eating rice,
and Ron made me come up here.
But sure,
that sounds fun.
Arigato.
Ron, a moment.
All right, pal, level with me.
What's going on?
Well, you seemed like
you wanted a friend.
No, no, no, no.
I'm not lonely.
I have me.
And 4,000 Facebook friends
and a hot girlfriend.
I wanted to spend time
with you,
because I have to replace Ben
as assistant city manager
and I was giving you
a tryout of sorts.
Now, I'll mull my options
for the next few months,
but I'd love you
to keep an open mind.
Kyle-San!
Arigato!
Mr. Newport, hello.
Hi.
Leslie Knope.
Ben Wyatt.
- Yeah, hi.
- Good to see you.
Nice to see you.
You guys want anything?
This is a restaurant,
so they have food and stuff.
- I'll take a milkshake.
- We're good.
No, we're good.
What can we do for you?
Yes, um, why'd you guys
post that video of me, man?
I mean, that didn't
make me feel good.
It was... it was mean.
You guys are mean.
Well, we used your own ad,
so I don't think
it was mean.
All right, let me
lay it out for you.
My friends keep sending me
links to that video
and they just
make fun of me.
So just stop running, okay?
Just... that... stop.
Stop running the ad?
No, stop running
the campaign.
What?
Just quit.
It would be so cool of you
if you just quit.
Then I can win the election,
and I'll have a big party,
and I'll put you both
on the guest list,
plus one.
I'm gonna have a man
who does magic.
He's really good.
Not, like, cheesy magic.
Like, good magic.
We're not gonna quit
the campaign.
Why would we do that?
Because I want it.
Come on, give me it.
Give me it.
Give me it.
Come on, give me it.
Just give me the election.
I'm sorry, please.
Please.
Well, Leslie, he does make
a compelling argument.
Come on, ugh!
Come on, guy.
- Bobby.
- Ah, it's not padded!
Can I ask you a question?
Why are you even
running for office?
You know what,
I need something to do
to get my dad off my back.
This seemed easy.
What about you,
why are you doing it?
Who's your dad?
I'm running for office because
I want to improve the lives
of the people that I love
in the city that's
the greatest city in the world.
What?
What does that even mean?
Hey, I've got an idea.
How 'bout you quit running,
then I win,
but then I let you do
all the work.
I'm not going anywhere,
and we are gonna debate soon,
and I need to warn you,
I know my stuff.
So you should toughen up.
Why are you guys smiling?
I feel bad.
Hey, quick question.
That little girl
from your video.
Oh, my God, she's so cute.
Do you think you can
talk to her
and let her do an ad for me?
That girl is me
as a ten-year-old.
How'd you do that?
Maybe you should see
one of the other doctors.
No.
No more doctors.
They're a bunch
of scam artists.
They reel you in
with the free stuff.
Next thing you know, bam,
you run into an ambulance.
Every time.
Let's just go home
and care for each other.
We could buy a sewing kit.
You could sew up my lip
underneath a bridge somewhere.
Mmm, so romantic.
- Ugh!
- Oh, sorry, I forgot.
Let's go.
All right.
Do you think sewing kits
are covered by insurance?
Or groceries
or, like, Xbox games?
What is insurance?
I don't know.
Who cares?
04x12 - Campaign Ad
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Public officials in an Indiana town pursue a series of projects to make their city a better town.
Public officials in an Indiana town pursue a series of projects to make their city a better town.