- Morning.
- Hey.
Hey, can you approve this new
design for the campaign poster?
Oh, Ann, you beautiful,
rule-breaking moth.
You know we can't talk
about my campaign in here.
Seriously?
It's a "yes" or "no"
question.
When you're running
for office,
there are, like, a million rules
of what you can and cannot do.
Yes.
And because I work
for the government,
I am not allowed to do
anything campaign-related
inside a government building.
Boss, I need
your Herbie Hancock on this.
Outside.
It's kind of a pain
in the ass.
But it's great exercise...
But it's a pain in the ass.
So Perd Hapley
wants to do Thursday now.
Fine.
Did you finish
the maintenance report?
I did not finish it,
but I will finish it.
So wait,
what was your question again?
The slogan?
Okay,
can I just come out there,
so we can talk
about everything?
No, April, I need to keep
my work separate, okay?
Just think of it
like a fun game.
Parks is inside.
Campaign is outside.
Parks is inside.
Campaign's outside.
Ooh, you know
what would make it more fun?
- What?
- Oh, my God, this.
April.
♪
♪
It's time, Leslie.
You have to take a leave
of absence from the department.
Ron,
that is ridiculous.
- We've talked about this.
- No, you've talked about it,
and I've ignored it,
because it is ridiculous.
Need I remind you
that even if I win the election,
I can still work
at the Parks department.
City council
is a part-time job.
and 50 hours a week
on the campaign.
Well,
I have time to spare.
I'm also volunteering
at "Wheels For Meals On Wheels."
We repair vans
for "Meals On Wheels."
You're a month
behind on everything.
You forgot to file the weekly
Parks Maintenance report.
You do it every week,
and you forgot.
Things are falling
through the cracks.
I'm pretty sure you've worn
that sweater four days in a row.
Or I own four identical
versions of the same sweater.
No, you don't,
there's an old lollipop
that's been stuck to the back
since Tuesday.
That's the style now, Ron.
It's called
"lollipopping."
All the kids
are doing it.
Leslie, you need
to take a sabbatical.
Okay.
You know what, Ron?
I accept your apology,
I will not take a sabbatical,
as we agreed,
and we will never
discuss this again.
Sorry, Ann.
You can't open this gift.
It's for the most beautiful
girl in Pawnee.
Hold up, hold up, hold up.
Hold up, hold up, wait.
That's you.
Wow.
Yeah, and look,
I got one too.
Matching His and Hers.
So I'm "Tommy's girl,"
and you're just "Tom"?
Why not "Ann's man"?
Nobody owns me,
cupcake, not even you.
You can either burn
these hats in a fire,
or you can use
a blowtorch.
How about this option?
- We put the hats on--
- Don't say it.
We take
everything else off.
These Kangol hats
are exactly like the one
Samuel L. Jackson wore
to the Latin Grammys.
- How could she not like them?
- I don't know.
It's like somehow everything
I do with her is wrong.
Dude, seriously,
leave me out of this.
I kind of set up
Tom and Ann,
and now they won't stop
asking me for advice,
which is a really bad move
on their part,
because I really don't care
what happens to them...
Or anyone.
Champion!
Hey, bud.
I missed you.
Thank you so much.
I hope he wasn't a handful.
Not in the slightest.
As the Germans would say,
"er ist ein wunder hund."
- He is a wonder dog.
- Oh.
The dog training course
I took
was conducted entirely
in German,
and so now
I'm fluent in German...
Words relating
to dogs.
April and Andy went away
for the night,
and I looked
after Champion here.
He's a mutt.
Half amazing,
half terrific.
Ich bin ein
three-legged dog.
Well,
I took him to PetSmart.
I got him
various toys,
got him sh*ts, got him groomed,
and gave him plenty of exercise.
He's healthier
than ever.
Wait,
did his leg grow back?
Aw, no, no.
That's okay.
- Andy, if I may--
- Yes.
Dogs tend to take on
the personalities
- of their owners--
- Mm-hmm.
So if you were to sit
on your couch all day
watching cartoons
and eating nothing but Cheetos,
that's what he would want
to do too.
Who wouldn't?
That sounds like
an amazing day, right?
Okay, well, thanks.
Bye, Champion.
Morning, Leslie.
Jerry, take that shirt off.
You look ridiculous.
Gayle gave me this shirt
yesterday as a birthday present.
Oh, my God,
Jerry.
I can't believe
I forgot your birthday.
Leslie,
it is okay.
I mean, let's face it,
it's a tough one to remember.
My birthday
is February 29th,
so I only get one real birthday,
you know, once every four years.
But it's great
because my wife Gayle
makes such a big deal
out of it.
We go,
we split a huge piece
of cotton candy cheesecake
from Cakey J's
Cheesecake Facility.
And then, well,
we hold hands for a while.
We listen
to some Anita Baker.
She meets up with some friends,
and I turn in early.
This is unacceptable.
Birthdays are important.
I'm so sorry
we forgot yours.
I guess it just slipped
through the cracks.
Yes,
I guess it did.
Anyway,
Happy Birthday to Jerry.
You are a kind
and wonderful soul.
Thank you.
Also I need you to do
some fecal contamination testing
- at the reservoir.
- Now?
Yes, go get a kit
from maintenance,
and I need you to check
the water for bird dung.
Can I at least
grab the gloves?
Jerry, what are you doing
standing here?
- Our water has poop in it.
- Oh, my God.
Now Jerry is turning 64
this year.
- He's only 64?
- 64 divided by 4 is--
- 16.
- 64.
So we're gonna throw him
a Sweet 16 surprise party.
It's gonna be very special.
- The usual, cake and pop?
- No, April, the unusual.
- Fish and pop.
- No.
- Cake and fish.
- No, no fish.
Jerry only gets a real birthday
every four years.
And four years from now,
who knows?
He might be retired...
Or dead.
Let's start a pool.
Who wants retied?
Who wants dead?
- Dead.
- No.
- I got one dead.
- No.
- You need to take that?
- Mm, no.
The campaign can wait, 'cause
this is official Parks business.
Donna,
can we use your lake house?
How did you know
about that?
My family has a lake house
up in the foothills,
but we keep it quiet.
We're not big
on hospitality.
The Meagles
are a cold people.
Can we use your house?
I suppose.
Bring your own towels.
Wow, Donna.
This place
is beautiful.
Yes, it is,
and it will stay that way.
These are the house rules.
No dirty shoes in the house.
Upstairs is Meagle space
only.
And if you listen closely, that
is the bubbling of the hot tub.
You do not have access
to it.
If you follow these rules,
we won't have a problem.
Oh, my God.
- Is that Ginuwine?
- Mm-hmm.
Why do you have
Ginuwine's platinum record
on your wall?
Why do you have a photo of you
with Ginuwine at some place?
Oh, have I never talked
about this before?
Ginuwine's my cousin.
Ginuwine?
The Ginuwine
is your cousin?
How do I not know this?
Who's Ginuwine?
Ginuwine?
Ginuwine is Ginuwine.
He's Ginuwine.
Saying his name over and over
again is not going to help me.
He's an R&B singer.
Pony, Differences.
Do you really not know
who Ginuwine is?
I know that
he's Donna's cousin.
When I'm dating someone,
I have a list
called
my "oh-no-nos."
A woman commits an "oh-no-no,"
it can end the relationship.
Not loving '90s R&B music
is number three
on the "oh-no-nos" list.
Girl doesn't even know
who Ginuwine is.
Hey, boy.
How was the ride?
Oh, hey, you want me
to show you something?
Okay.
Platz.
Steh Auf.
See, it's pretty cool, huh?
Would you like me to teach you?
Uh, whatever.
I mean, anybody can do that.
Toxic.
Merkel.
- Merkel.
- What is "Merkel"?
She's the Chancellor
of Germany.
Not only more jobs
but better jobs.
I just did a phone interview
while simultaneously
decorating this house
for Jerry's surprise party.
Totally multitasking,
totally on top of all of it.
Crow for dinner tonight,
Mr. Swanson?
Okay,
we are locked and loaded.
Music is ready.
Slideshow is prepped.
- April, when does Jerry arrive?
- How would I know?
Who was supposed
to invite Jerry?
Guys, someone was supposed
to invite Jerry.
It's his surp--
Crap, it was me.
I forgot to invite Jerry.
You need to take
a sabbatical.
I'm not taking
a sabbatical.
Is this because I forgot
to invite Jerry
- to his own birthday party?
- It did seem like an oversight.
I have a prediction, Ron.
By the end of the night,
you are going to take
a bite of Jerry's cake,
which incidentally, we need
to pick up on the way home,
and you are gonna say,
"sabbatical, schmabbatical.
Leslie can do it all.
She's the best, and I'm stupid."
That does sound
like me.
Hey.
Here's a fun game.
Let's talk minimum acceptable
thread count for sheets.
- Ooh, that does sound fun.
- Stop me when I hit it.
1,000...
800...
700...
600?
Ann, I'm at 600.
Are you really not stopping me?
I have
those cotton t-shirt sheets.
Huh?
It's always
the most beautiful ladies
who hurt you the worst.
She's never seen
a single Paul Walker movie?
That's a huge "oh-no-no."
She also "doesn't care"
about Blu-ray?
- She's a monster.
- April, this is serious.
I might have to break up
with Ann.
Yeah, well,
then break up with her.
But she's my dream girl.
Then don't break up
with her.
Except she hates
everything I like.
I own more pairs of Uggs
than she does.
I was getting kind of sick
of listening
to Tom and Ann talk
about their relationship,
but then I remembered
that alcohol existed.
Thank you, alcohol.
Jerry?
Jerry.
Where the hell could he be?
Maybe someone else
had a surprise party
and actually remembered
to invite him.
Jerry?
Jerry.
Jerry?
Jerry!
Come on in.
- Oh, God.
- Leslie.
Hello, Jerry.
Jerry,
why did you call us in here?
Well, because I thought
you were Gayle.
What are you doing
in my bathroom?
Yes, Leslie, what are we
doing in Jerry's bathroom?
There is
a Parks emergency
that only you
can help us solve,
so we need you
to get out of the tub.
Let's get going.
O-okay, jes--w--
I gotta get dressed.
- No, there's no time.
- There's time, Jerry.
Get dressed.
Okay, well,
what is the big emergency?
Oh, did we lose more seniors
in the woods?
No, it's a sinkhole,
right?
Crap on a catapult.
They screwed up
my campaign signs.
Now I gotta deal
with this.
Okay,
but what about the sinkhole?
Don't worry, Leslie will deal
with this and the sinkhole.
Right, Leslie?
Yes, Ron.
I will, Ron.
And I shall do it
with aplomb.
What the hell
is wrong with Tom?
Don't know.
It's like I'm dating
some idiotic game show host.
He is driving me crazy
with these stupid questions.
Well, soon it won't matter.
Why?
What did he tell you?
Nothing.
Wait, is he gonna
break up with me?
I don't know.
I'm--
No, no, no, no, no, no.
No.
That's not how this ends,
okay?
I break up with him.
I think I will celebrate
with a drink.
Quit pulling.
Fine, I'll let you
off the leash.
- Andy.
- What the [Bleep], dude?
Where did you come from?
I think that Champion
should stay on his leash.
There's unfamiliar terrain
and strange smells.
No, leashes are just
for dogs that bite people.
That's not true.
Chris,
Champion's my dog, okay?
He's not going anywhere.
Sometimes you just have
to let a dog be a dog.
He'll be all right.
Champion!
He'll come back.
So as you can imagine,
we would never have ordered
a sign with all
this complicated nonsense
because, you know,
we're not insane.
See right here
on the order form?
- It says, "http://--"
- Mm-hmm.
- "www.knope2012--"
- I can read the sign.
- It does.
- ".com/imagescmyk/--"
- well, but this isn't what--
- "page/carnpaignlqty100123--"
You don't need to read
the whole thing.
- "9u/09230023--"
- Mm-hmm.
"099twposter--"
- it does say that.
- ".jpeg."
Jpeg.
Yes, Walter, it does say that.
You're right, but using basic
logic and human intelligence,
one can surmise
that this is a link to an image.
This isn't what we wanted
printed on the signs.
Whatever's on the order form
I print.
In this case, it was a long
string of letters and numbers.
Can I just sh--show you
something here? There you go.
That's highly
against protocol.
Well, here, look.
That's a good sign.
You should've used that.
You told April
you were breaking up with me?
Ann, we consistently disagree
on "who wore it best."
You still use
an iPad one.
You read books
all the time.
Okay, how about
my "oh-no-nos" for you?
You make me see terrible movies,
and then you talk through them.
"You put 20" rims
on your volkswagen golf,
and you insist on being
introduced
as "the brown Gosling."
Everything you just said
makes me like me more.
I can't take it any more, okay?
I'm breaking you up.
You guys are done.
- Fine with me.
- Fine, fine.
- Oh, April.
- I'm drunk.
You made me drunk,
you made me drunk, and you--
- No, no. Give it a rest.
- I need it.
- Okay.
- Fine.
Let's get you to bed.
You know, why are you guys
even fighting anyway?
It's so stupid.
"I hate Ann
because of this stupid reason."
"And I hate Tom
for this stupid reason."
Who cares?
- You want some help?
- No, I got it.
Well, we did everything, Ron.
We got new signs.
We put them
in people's yards.
We got Jerry for the surprise--
sinkhole emergency.
And, uh,
we briefly ran out of gas,
and then we walked
to the gas station.
We got more gas,
and now we're all good.
Yep, you truly are
attempting to do it all.
Thank you.
We didn't get to the drug
store for my liver medication.
Well, you should've
thought about that
before we dragged you
out of the bath, Jerry.
Yeah.
Okay, wait a second.
This is clearly not
a sinkhole problem.
What's going on?
Jerry, as soon as
we open this door,
everything
will become clear.
Surprise!
Oh, what the [Bleep]?
Surprise.
Where the hell is everybody?
Well, it got so late.
We just weren't sure
you were still coming.
Everybody's either in bed
or out looking for Champion.
Oh, yeah.
Champion ran away.
- Wake everybody up.
- Leslie.
No, I am not gonna let this
fall apart.
We are gonna throw Jerry
an amazing Sweet 16
surprise party
no matter how agonizing it is
for all of us.
That's the spirit.
- Champion.
- Champion!
Champion, come here, boy.
I have an organic,
gluten-free soy bone for you.
Champion!
Chris, there's something
I have to tell you.
- I ate one of your soy bones.
- Really?
Yeah,
it was really good.
I was gonna give it
to Champion,
but it just--
it looked so yummy.
The point is,
I'm a terrible dog owner.
And I think,
if we find Champion,
you should keep him.
Andy, if it wasn't
for you and April,
Champion would still be back
at the pound.
You gave him a home.
That's amazing.
And he's your dog.
If you just call out his name,
he will come to you.
What--no, he won't
'cause I've been trying it,
and it didn't work.
I think
he likes your music.
Why don't you sing
to him?
Really?
I don't have my guitar.
- I usually--
- Come on.
I feel naked without it, okay.
♪ Champion, you're lost ♪
♪ and soon
you'll be found ♪
♪ I rescued you
from the pound,
♪ something something ♪
♪ oh man ♪
♪ on the ground ♪
♪ get on out of here ♪
Champion!
Champion, hey!
Oh, buddy,
you came back.
You came back
to my voice.
Dog whistle.
- April, wake up.
- Jerry's here.
April.
- April.
- Hey.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Why is your arm around her?
I broke you up.
Well, we got back together
again 'cause of what you said.
What do you mean?
I didn't say anything.
Yeah, when we were
carrying you to bed,
you correctly pointed out that
we were arguing about stuff
that was stupid,
and so we talked it out.
And I apologized,
and he apologized.
And now everything's
great.
- Thanks.
- No.
I'm drunk.
Don't listen to me, no.
- See you out there.
- No.
- Whoa, thanks, guys.
This is really--
this is really great.
Okay, I want
everyone to go around
and tell
their favorite Jerry story.
A positive one.
Who's first?
Jerry,
today is your birthday,
but it's about
much more than that.
It's also about Ann and I
getting back together
and being the hottest couple
in Pawnee.
I'd also like
to announce
our official relationship
mash-up name.
It's "Tan."
To Tan.
I would like
to announce that
the name Tan
is officially over.
To the end of Tan.
- Haverkins it is.
- Okay, Donna?
I would like to address
the fact that rule number seven
says, "no pets," and yet
there is a three-legged animal
- in my living room.
- Okay, Ron.
Jerry's work
is often adequate.
I'll go.
Jerry has a wife
and three beautiful daughters--
a full life--
and that's amazing.
April and Andy have Champion,
and that's amazing.
I have a stepbrother
who lives in London
and 2.8% body fat.
Guys... guys...
What do I do?
I mean, she's asleep.
You probably should just
sit there and not move.
She's really tired.
Just a few hours.
Few hours?
Is this all the eggs
we have?
Yes.
What are you making?
Eggs.
- Leslie.
- Surprise!
Oh, God.
What happened?
Well, you slept
with Jerry last night.
No, I was planning Jerry's
morning surprise party.
Morning surprise parties
are always the best.
- Let's get going.
- I made some coffee.
Let's go
for a walk.
I now officially insist
that you take a sabbatical.
- No, no.
- Let me finish.
I used to work
in a sheet metal factory,
but then a job came along
at the tannery.
The hours were better,
and I would get paid.
Also I'd have the chance
to work with leather
both before
and after it was on the cow,
which had always been
a dream of mine.
I didn't want to give up
my sheet metal job,
so I tried to do both jobs
and finish middle school.
How old were you?
11.
The point is,
I was so tired,
I tried to puncture
an eight-gauge aluminum foil
with a leather awl.
- Wow.
- I learned a lesson.
Never half-ass
two things.
Whole-ass one thing.
So if you want
to win that seat--
Which I do.
Then commit yourself 100%.
Take a sabbatical.
I will cut back
to 10 hours a week.
Deal.
- 15.
- 10.
Deal.
Ugh, I can't believe
I got them back together.
Now they're always gonna want
to come talk to me about stuff.
Eh, that's a good thing,
babe.
They want to talk to you because
you're important to them.
Yes, but I hate them.
I know you do,
sweetheart.
Oh, hey, uh,
by the way,
I think that Chris is lonely,
so I told him he could borrow
Champion whenever.
- Andy, he's kissing me.
- Aww.
Jerry,
I wanted to say I'm sorry
that I screwed up
your birthday party.
- Oh, that's okay.
- But we all pitched in.
And we are sending
you and Gayle to a B&B
in your favorite place
in the world.
Muncie?
Amazingly, yes.
Muncie, Indiana.
Thank you, guys.
It was really expensive.
- Oh, campaign.
- Take it.
Excuse me.
If the Bread and Breakfast...
This is Leslie.
04x16 - Sweet Sixteen
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Public officials in an Indiana town pursue a series of projects to make their city a better town.
Public officials in an Indiana town pursue a series of projects to make their city a better town.