01x05 - Son-In-Law

[bunniefuu]

Why are you breaking up with me?

We've been going
out for like two weeks.

And I've never had a
girlfriend for two weeks.

I believe in dreams.

And last night, I had a dream
that you were with Lindsay.

She was all over you
and you were all over her.

But that was a dream. I
was at the movies last night.

Check. Call Kevin.
No. Call Tyler.

It's too late, Kyle. You
can't take back a dream.

Hey, Bridget. Hey, Kyle.

Kyle!

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

What is going on here?

Uh... It's... it's OK, Papa H.

No, please call
me Mr. Hennessey.

- G to G.
- Pardon me?

Got to go.

Got to go? And he's leaving?
G to G? That's the code?

You say that and he
leaves? Kyle, G to G.

That was so rude! Would I
do that to one of your friends?

My house. Cate!

Cate! You had a daughter
downstairs alone with a boy on a couch!

Cate!

- Dad!
- I'm sorry. Where's your mom?

- She went out.
- Dad, you so embarrassed me!

- You know the rules.
- So does Kerry. Gonna say anything?

Oh, sorry. Hi, I'm Paul
Hennessey, Kerry's dad.

I'm Guy, Kerry's study partner.

- Nice to meet you.
- Amazing.

I'm sitting on a
couch with a boy,

and you go psycho Dad.

She's in bed with him
and you do nothing?

We're on the bed, not in
the bed. Learn a preposition.

We were just studying biology.

That's it. Just...
just bio... I gotta go.

- It was nice meeting everybody.
- Yeah.

Bye.

Bridget, you totally
chased Guy away!

Dad chased Kyle
away, so we're even.

Wait, what kinda name is Guy?

It's French. He's
French Canadian.

- Ew.
- Bridget, one world.

French Canadian?

Sorry, sorry.

Kerry was obviously studying.
I don't have to worry about her.

- What?
- I've done that trick.

You lay books and papers
around just in case you come in.

- Really?
- No.

- What do you mean?
- You don't understand.

You're the good
guy in this scenario.

When the dust
settles, I want credit.

- Why do you think
I'm always good?
- So I'm the bad girl?

What's it called when you're
damned if you do, damned if you don't?

Oh, yes, fatherhood.

Maybe I was laying
books around to fool you.

- It's not hard.
- Is that what you
want me to believe?

Don't worry, Dad. They
weren't messing around.

Wait, this isn't my room.

- What!
- Get out!

- Get out of here!
- Rory!

Kerry, sweetie, take a look
at this. I think you'll like it.

Whatcha reading?

Rule of the Bone
by Russell Banks.

God, he writes with such a
measured rage. What's that?

It's my column on how dogs
start to look like their owners.

I don't know, maybe
now's not the time.

Rory, shouldn't you be in bed?

I can't sleep. I'm
worried 'cause...

'cause Bridget's not home
yet and it's past her curfew.

Well, Rory, son, that's
not worrying, that's tattling.

And I thank you.

OK, there she is now. Bridget
is starting to take advantage.

Her curfew is 11:30.
Not 11:35 or 11:37.

- You know
where this is leading?
- 11:40?

Not on my watch. I'm
gonna have a talk with Kyle.

She broke up with Kyle today.

She broke up with Kyle?

Yeah, she's out with some jock.

So she's done grieving.

Yeah, some basketball
player. I hate them.

White boys thinking
they're all ghetto.

"I'm a baller, holla! Holla
back, brotha, uh-huh."

I hate it when they do that.

- Hi, honey.
- I thought you were Bridget.

Bridget? She's on the
front porch with her date.

It is 11:37 and she's
past her curfew.

Well, by a few minutes.
Can't you be a little flexible?

What's the big deal?

It was a big deal when
we negotiated this.

I wanted 10:30.
You said midnight.

I said 11. But the girls
wanted two holes in each ear.

So we settled on 11:30,
one hole in the ear.

I was there, Paul.
I took the minutes.

I can't believe it!
Look, it's 11:38.

- You were always in by curfew?
- Always!

- Really, Mom?
- No way.

I just don't like to bring
my exes up to your father.

He's all, "Was he cuter than
me, was he cuter than me?"

I'm just too tired.

- Was who cuter than me?
- No one, honey. No one.

Thank God that we have one
kid we don't have to worry about.

There you go again! You
don't have to worry about me

just 'cause I'm not Miss
Blonde Bobble Head?

"Like, oh, my God,
my name's Bridget.

I can't believe how much
my head shakes when I talk."

That's... that's really mean.

Really, really mean.

Maybe I'm sneakier about my
boyfriends. Ever think of that?

You are too young. We
have rules about that.

- Well, ooh-la-la.
- Is that French?

Dad, I'm getting real worried.

Bridget still
hasn't come in yet.

Enough, you already
have the job. Upstairs.

Daddy! Don't you knock?

Bridget, time to come in!

Honey, wipe your
feet, take off the boy.

Hi. Paul "Hit-man" Hennessey.

You might have seen
some of my fights.

I didn't catch your name,
don't really care to. Good night.

Travis Smith.

Travis Smith? You're
the basketball player?

- Yeah.
- He's a baller.

- Holla.
- Holla back, brotha.

Uh-huh.

- No flirting.
- No problem.

Cate, you didn't tell me Bridget
was going out with The Rainman.

The Rainman. Wow.

Who's The Rainman?

Travis. He rains
down three-pointers.

This guy is the best
guard in the state.

He's the son of Steve Smith.

"Canned Heat"
Smith. Ring any bells?

- No.
- Ace pitcher
for the Detroit Tigers.

What, you live under a rock?

No, but I'm willing to move.

The Smiths are
Michigan sports royalty.

- Smith is a big name
in Michigan.
- I think I've heard of it.

Hey, can I get
you kids anything?

Un, Daddy, I was kinda hoping
Travis could take me out for a bite?

Da...!

- Can we, please?
- No.

- Sure.
- Ha, ha. Wait a minute.

Weren't you just discussing
your precious 11:30 rule?

Can't you be a little flexible?
This is a special occasion.

It's not every day my daughter goes
out with the state's leading scorer.

Yeah, lead...

OK, it's 1am. Why
are you still up?

I couldn't wait to hear
all about your date.

Well, there's not much
to it. We went to the...

Shut up.

I am so angry at Dad.

He thinks of me as some
sort of virgin spinster,

like Miss Havisham.

Great Expectations?

Charles Dickens?

A book.

Hardee's was closed so we
went to get ice cream at The Parlor.

Dad didn't even wait up for
me. So cool. How are my abs?

Perfect.

- So you like this Guy guy?
- He's like a friend.

- Not like you and Travis.
- Travis? No, he's OK.

I went out with him
because Lindsay liked him.

When she gave me this top
back it was all stretched out

and had a stain from a party she
wasn't going to because I wasn't invited.

Nice try, Linds.

Wow. So, OK, you're not
going out with him again?

Oh, I'm going out with
him again. Dad loves him.

He lets me stay out as late as I want.
It is a whole other world past 11:30.

Hardee's is closed, but
there are other places.

- Isn't that like using someone?
- Uh, yeah.

Little sister, you have much to learn.
Why Dad thinks you're the book girl.

OK, well, from now on
I am Madame Bovary.

Another book girl.

I'm gonna act like you in
front of Dad and freak him out.

Ohhh!

That's good.

Hennessy!

Tommy, hey. Listen,
I gotta go. Sorry.

There something
on your mind, Tom?

Do you see fear in my eyes?

- No.
- Because it's hate!

- What's wrong?
- What's wrong?

Your little girl, Barbarella,
broke my son's heart.

My baby boy,
Kyle, is devastated.

Found somebody better,
she says? Nobody's better.

- Not in this life, buddy.
- She is starting
to see Travis Smith.

I don't care if she's starting to
see... Travis Smith, The Rainman?

- Yeah!
- Our Bridget
is dating The Rainman?

It's getting serious. He
was even over at the house.

Oh, yeah.

- Hey, Papa H.
- Oh, shut up.

Kyle.

- Why isn't Kyle in school?
- There's no school.

- It's Take Your Kid
to Work Day.
- No, it's not.

- No, it's not!
- Dad!

So Kyle's really upset?

Throwing up, crying,
sleeping under the bed.

Never mind that now. Are
you kidding me? That's so great.

See if your daughter can
make him commit to Michigan.

- Take us to the Final Four.
- I'll do my best.

- I'm talking about her best.
- Hey!

- You follow?
- That's my baby girl.

- Well...
- My baby girl who's
dating Travis Smith!

That's what I'm saying.

- Can I sit in the cart?
- No! Now go get the popcorn.

- Hi, Kerry.
- Guy, what are you doing here?

- You told me to meet you here.
- Nice try, Madame Ovary.

- What?
- It's a book, Dad.

Guy, let's get out
of here. Come on.

Harmless.

- Travis!
- Travis is here? Oh, my God.

What is with you? You've got a
man crush on Bridget's boyfriend.

No, it's his father. I
mean, he's with his father.

Mr. and Mrs.
Hennessy, this is my dad.

- Steve Smith.
- No, I'm Steve Smith.

No, I meant I'm Paul.

- You used to cover the Tigers.
- For a couple of years.

A few seasons in the sun.

Now he writes the column
where Peanuts used to be.

- Excuse me. Is this your wife?
- Yes. Cate, Steve Smith.

- Hi.
- Mr. Canned Heat.

Stop it.

Sounds to me like we've got a little
hein' and shein' going on in aisle three,

if you catch my drift.

That's just my little girl
Kerry with her study buddy.

- Study buddy?
- I didn't do anything.

I gotta go.

So cute.

- Nice meeting you.
- Nice meeting you.

Bridget is a great girl.

- You got a hell of a son.
- Yeah, boys are great.

That's my little fella over
there sitting in the cart.

- The one that's stuck?
- He'll be fine.

- See you around?
- An honor to meet you.

Just an honor.

- Take care.
- You too. Bye-bye.

Daddy, could Travis
and I hang out tonight?

No, it's family movie night.

Well, she could
miss it just once.

Paul, it's also a school night.

- Oh, I forgot
it's a school night.
- Please?

Oh, hell, she doesn't
study. Go have a good time.

Details, please?

Uh, last night? Three
parties. Stayed out till 12:30.

Tonight, we'll go to the
dance and an after party.

I'm pushing for
2am. A personal best.

What about you? Details, please?

I'm going to the dance too.

No, I mean, what's with
you and this Guy guy?

Our father has to be the
dumbest man that ever lived.

Then why is he always
on my case when I get a C?

I am practically throwing
myself all over Guy and he's, like,

"Cute, so cute. Aren't
they cute, Cate?"

Hmm. Maybe Guy's the problem.
Maybe you need another prop.

That is so mean.

Oh, good afternoon,
Your Highness.

Is this breakfast or lunch?

- Did you have a good time
with Travis?
- Yes, Daddy.

- I had a good time too.
- No you didn't,
you were with us.

Hello? Steve!

- Is Travis here?
- No.

He wants to talk to me. Yeah.

Uh... just a sec.

- Tonight?
- No.

Yeah, we'd be happy to.

Cool. OK, see
you later, partner.

So, I guess that date
we've been planning

is now dinner with
Canned and Mrs. Heat?

Oh, I wish. No.

He wanted us to help chaperone
the school dance tonight.

- What could I say?
- How about no?

Paul, this is my first
Saturday night off in weeks.

I don't wanna chaperone a dance.

You're gonna
chaperone the dance?

We have to. Travis' dad is
in charge of the booster club.

- No.
- No.

Maybe it's time for me to
give a little something back.

Oh, bull.

Maybe I care about children, while
you just want dinner and a movie.

- Yeah!
- Yeah!

You at the dance is
an invasion of privacy.

I'm not gonna bother
you and Travis.

You won't know I'm there.

I want you guys to have fun.

I don't want you
at the dance, either.

Why? What's going down?

If you're there,
my social status.

OK, stop walking so loud!

I am just as unhappy
about being here as you are.

Why don't you dance with
one of your little friends?

My little friends? Where is Guy?

Hi Mr. H, Mrs. H.

Poor Kyle. He looks so sad.

Yeah. There's Bridget and
Travis! Hey, guys! How are ya?

Listen, I haven't seen your
dad around. I hope he's not sick.

Man crush.

He never comes to these things.
He gets people to volunteer.

So now that Steve has stood you
up, can we please go to a restaurant?

I thought he'd be here.

You're, like, nine.

Oh, you know what, honey,
you are right. I'm sorry.

I know what that feels like.

I remember when I met
Dr. Christian Barnard.

The heart guy? Was
he cuter than me?

No. But I was in total
awe, so I know what it's like.

Just don't let your intoxication

get in the way
of your parenting.

- Like I'd let that happen.
- Well, don't be so sure.

Bridget is not
above playing you.

I think I'm a little
more savvy that that.

Have you noticed
how many times lately

Bridget has asked
you for something

starting with the word "Daddy"?

Daddy?

Can Travis and I
go to a party after?

What time will you be home?

- I don't know. Late.
- Well...

- Please, Daddy?
- No.

Thanks... I said me and
Travis, The Rainman.

I heard what you said.

Your curfew's still 11:30. Guess
what, cupcake? Daddy's back.

Oh, my God, Cate.
Look over there.

Come on, dance with me.

No, I am not gonna
embarrass our daughter.

OK, fine. I'll do it myself.

- This was our date night.
- Mine too.

- Wow, you are a great dancer.
- Thanks.

- What are you doing?
- What?

Well, I just thought that how
cool it is being study partners,

maybe we could
go to the next level.

Guy, I like you,

but I just like you as a friend.

But the way you were
dancing with me...

Awww... Forget it.

Dad, stop spying on me!

I wasn't spying.

OK, maybe I was spying at
first, but then I got into the music.

- It's... Are you OK?
- No.

He's a nice guy and
I hurt his feelings.

I led him on.

I don't want to be a girl
like that. I hate girls like that.

- I share a room with...
- I know, I know.

So why did you do it?
Just to get a rise out of me?

- Yes!
- Why?

Because I'm tired of you
looking at me like I'm a little girl.

Well, after watching you dance, I'm
sure I won't being doing that again.

Good.

It's nice to be treated like
an adult once in a while.

I'll try to remember that.

Honey, please don't
ask me to apologize

for wanting to keep
you my little girl.

- Hey, you wanna dance?
- Yeah.

Not with you.

- You wanna dance?
- No.

Hey, what's that over there?

- Bridget and Travis broke up.
- What?

Yeah. She didn't
like him that much.

She loved the free
ride you were giving her.

Where is Bridget?
I wanna talk to her.

She was a little upset,
so I let her go home with...

Kyle!

Last night, I had a dream
that we were both in your truck,

but I couldn't see you because I was
wearing my Kate Spade sunglasses,

which makes it hard for me to
see because the tint is too dark.

- I had the same dream.
- Oh, my God!

Daddy, didn't we
talk about knocking?

Who said you could
be alone with a boy?

She did.

Hi, Kyle. Paul, you locked
Kerry and me in the car again.

- Kyle, why don't you G to G?
- What?

- Leave!
- Dad!

- I'll see you in your dreams.
- Hey,

you stay out of her dreams.

You know what, no
boys allowed after 11:30,

and it is exactly...

11:30.

You are so mean! You
owe me an apology.

No, I don't.

Not my hair. God, I
spent all day on my hair.

Now it's gonna
smell like my father.