Washington, D.C.
Take a deep breath, Andy.
I mean, you can practically
smell the bills becoming laws.
Yeah.
You can taste the sweet
sugar of bureaucracy at work.
That building looks like a boob.
- Yeah, well, it's not.
- Oh, yeah, I know.
- It's the White House.
- No. It's the Capitol.
My amazing lover, Ben Wyatt, is here
working on a congressional campaign.
And he took April
with him as his intern.
I'm here to visit, but
I am also here to work,
because I have a very important meeting
where I am going to try
to get federal funding
so we can clean up the Pawnee river.
It's a bit of a fixer-upper.
Romantic reunions, government meetings,
self-guided
museum tours--
I mean, am I living
the dream? I don't know.
Did I also just walk past a food truck
and buy myself a waffle sundae? Yes.
Now take out your guidebook.
Oh, I didn't bring a guidebook.
- Oh, I brought you one.
- You did?
- Yeah.
- Thank you.
Now throw it away, 'cause
Leslie Knope is your guidebook.
I
didn't--
I didn't mean literally.
There were some notes in it.
Okay, grab the book, and
let's hit the National Mall.
There's a mall? That's awesome.
I need to get some flip-flops.
Why are we having a
conference-room meeting?
Leslie's gone.
Ron has taken initiative,
and he is leading the meeting.
He's not joking.
I wanted to let you all
know that I will be throwing
the annual Parks Department
employee-appreciation barbecue.
You're going to throw the Leslie Knope
Employment Enjoyment Summerslam
Grill Jam Fun-splosion?
That's right.
You are gonna oversee the
Popsicle-eating contest,
the slip'n'slide-athon,
the watermelon carving,
the gazpacho-off,
and star in a one-woman show
about parks rules and regulations?
"Parks and Dolls."
♪ I got your park right here,
its name is Ramsett Park. ♪
♪ and its gates are open
from dawn till dark. ♪
I am not doing any of
that, which is the point.
Every summer Leslie throws a barbecue
to thank the Parks
and Maintenance staff.
It's horrifying.
Barbecues should
be about one thing--
good, shared meat.
There will be no froofy desserts.
There will be no
giant-soap-bubble g*ns.
There will be no adult men in costumes.
And most of all,
there will be no bleeping vegetables.
Well, Ron, can we at
least have corn on the cob?
No.
"In this temple,
"As in the hearts of the people
for whom he saved the Union,
the memory of Abraham
Lincoln is enshrined forever."
Andy, what are you doing?
Have you ever seen any of
the National Treasure movies?
Everything in this city is a clue.
Nothing in that movie is accurate.
Aha! A clue!
Check it out.
I think that's just gum.
How do I know this isn't a treasure map
just waiting to be unfurled?
- Because it's gum.
- That's gum.
Yeah.
So you can see that the color changes
about 1/3 of the way up,
and it's when construction
was actually
halted on the monu--
Leslie, this is a really cool penis,
but Ben and April are meeting us
at the Smithsonian in 10 minutes.
Let's talk on the way.
1776, a nation was born.
Which nation?
I offered Ron a job last month,
and he turned me down.
And it literally broke my heart.
But now I see that this
is truly where he belongs.
Way to be, Ron!
You're really getting it done, man!
He can't hear me.
Okay, let's begin the barbecue.
Oh, hey, little guy.
What are you doing? Oh, no.
Everyone, meet your meat.
No!
Why are you doing this to us?
Well, in my opinion, not enough people
have looked their dinner in the eyes
and considered the circle of life.
This is your dinner. His name is Tom.
Burn.
Seriously?
I understand that it's hilarious,
but that is his given, Christian name.
Tom is very smart and incredibly loyal.
He's basically a dog.
A dog we're going to
cook, chew, and swallow.
Dude, there's kids around here.
Good point.
Which one of you youngsters
wants to help me drain
the blood from this animal?
If you do a good job,
I'll give you the bladder.
You can blow it up for a fun play ball.
Hey, Ron.
You're not going to slaughter
that pig here, are you?
Not to worry. I have a permit.
This just says, "I can do what I want."
I am the director of
the Parks Department,
and this is a park.
It's not a Parks thing.
It's against, like, three
laws and a dozen health codes.
Fine.
Barbecue is postponed
until I can go pick up some
meat from the Food 'n' Stuff.
Let's go, Tom.
No, pig Tom.
So I want to see the
history of the girl scouts
and then Lincoln's pocket watch
and the First Ladies exhibit
and everything-- I
want to see everything.
Andy, get down from there.
Hey, Leslie. Is this the train
from Back to the Future III?
- Get down from there.
- I think it is.
Hey, buddy.
Come on down from there for me, please.
Sir, you protect our nation's history,
and you're a hero.
Yeah, a hero with something to hide,
like probably a treasure map.
Oh, hey. It's so good to see you.
It's so great to see you too.
Yeah.
Yikes.
Okay, uh, guys, let's motor.
Guys. Guys.
Let's go get some astronaut
ice cream or something.
We were thinking
about maybe just--
uh, we-- maybe we
were gonna go back to--
We're gonna have sex.
Okay. You look great, April.
Sorry, hon. I actually have to go too.
Oh, really? I thought maybe
we could sightsee together.
I know. I have, like, 1,000 meetings.
But I just wanted to come wish you luck
before your presentation.
Oh, but you know what you should see
while you're here is
George Washington's fare--
Farewell address candle stand.
That was the first
thing I was going to see.
God, I love you so much.
Come to my office as
soon as you're done, okay?
Okay.
And it was nice to see you again.
Are you talking to my butt?
- Yes.
- Okay.
Where is Swanson?
Man, I'm hungry. My legs are tired.
It feels like I just exercised.
Just sit on the ground.
No, Jerry.
It's dirty, and I'm
wearing my summer linens.
God, you're such a baby.
Look, I brought a picnic
blanket from your house.
That's not a picnic blanket.
That's a Merino wool
throw for my Eames chair!
Uh-oh. Do I sense trouble
in the Haverford-Perkins household?
No such luck, Donna.
Ann and Tom, aka Haverkins,
are stronger than ever.
Everyone said it wouldn't last.
And it didn't.
Shocking that our drunken
plan to move in together
wasn't a success.
- Let's move in together.
- Totally.
No take-backs when we
sober up, though, partner.
No take-backs, partner.
After the first day, we realized
we had made a huge mistake.
Huge.
However, everyone was
being so smug about it,
saying there's no way it would last,
so we're pretending
to still be together.
That way, no one gets the
satisfaction of being right,
even though they are, but still.
More importantly, I bet Donna $1,000
that we'd be together for another month.
I can't stress this enough.
If she finds out that we broke up,
I'll go bankrupt.
Oh, my God. Food. Food.
Yes, I am returned.
No. Not so fast, Shirley.
I just have to thaw the meat,
season it, and grill it up.
So it's going to be a few hours.
No, Ron.
My tummy's rumbling. It's scary.
Tommy's got the tum-rums.
Ron, Chris Traeger
feelings update--
I'm now feeling that your guests
are getting a little antsy.
Fine. I'll skip a few
steps and speed things up.
There you go.
Is there at least something to drink?
There's beer in the cooler.
What about for the children?
You can get water from
that water fountain
and use it to water down the beer.
Why don't you just give the kids water?
I suppose you could do that.
Now, would everyone please back off
and just let me cook in peace?
These people are soft.
They're grill virgins.
But by the time this day is over,
they'll have been taken by the grill
and delicately and
tenderly shown the ways
of flavorful meat love.
Mmm...
The first time is so beautiful.
Ben and I are a power couple,
like the Roosevelts or the Clintons.
I've got a big meeting here.
Ben is off running a
congressional campaign.
I mean, the only way
we could be more awesome
is if we had our own
signature dance move.
Oh, wait. We do.
Three, four.
I'm Leslie Knope. I have
a 3:00 with Mr. Jepson.
What's this in reference to?
I'm here to present my application
for the Federal Riverbed
Preservation Grant.
Oh. Most people just mail
their applications in.
I'm not most people.
Mr. Jepson actually had
to step out for the day.
You can just add your
proposal to that pile there.
Oh, uh, I'm sorry.
I was told I would have a
face-to-face meeting with him
so I could make my case for my town.
Does he have office hours?
He's unavailable for
the rest of the week.
But you can just add the proposal.
- He'll get to it.
- Oh...
Okay.
It's kind of a special application.
Uh, you know, there's a-a CD inside
that, uh, plays the
sound of a babbling river,
and I was going to play that
while I gave my presentation.
I was also going to show a DVD
that had some images of
frolicking river otters.
You know what? I-I'll
make sure he reads it.
What city is it for?
Pawnee.
Is that Pawnee, Illinois, Indiana, Iowa,
Kansas, Missouri, Nebraska, Oklahoma,
or Texas?
- Indiana.
- Okay.
This is amazing.
Look at this.
This whole place is your office.
Nope. This is my office.
Ben, you're fired. It's my office now.
Boom. You heard the boss.
Scram, Wyatt.
- Hey.
- Hey. How'd it go?
Um, I think okay.
- Yeah?
- Okay, I think.
Well, I have a surprise for you.
Uh, there's a swanky D.C.
Cocktail party at the Hay-Adams,
and I got us all on the list.
Wow, look at you. You're a big sh*t.
Hey, uh, Benjamin, how
fancy is this party tonight?
I mean, is this, like, a
shorts or a pants kind of gala?
- Pants.
- Great.
Could we just real quick
stop at the nearest place
that has free pants?
I know that Ron doesn't
want us to eat anything
before the meat, but I
smuggled in some candy.
Oh, thank God. I'm starving.
Raisins?
It's nature's candy.
Now, they're basically grapes.
So remember to pace yourself.
I can't even follow my own advice.
It's too delicious.
Oh, my God.
Did you put glitter in
the laundry detergent?
Oh, yeah.
I'm experimenting with some
new entrepreneurial ideas.
That one's called "Sparkle Suds."
Dress loud.
Will you stop putting
glitter in everything?
This morning you put
glitter in the butter.
"Disco Dairy." Spread the party.
No, that's not a good
idea. That's terrible.
Well, the target demographic
isn't angry, middle-aged nurses.
- Oh--shh, stop
it--hey. - Wait--
Hey.
I'm going to get in line for some food.
Y'all want anything?
- We're good. We're really good.
- Nope.
Just spending a little
time with my baby girl.
Ew.
Get off me.
There's so much free
food at this party, honey.
I love politics. Look,
I made a shrimp claw.
I'm really proud of you, babe.
Now put your used plate in my purse.
I almost have a complete set.
Really? Oh, my God. You're so smart.
They say it will pass, but
we'll only get $400 million
instead of $900 million.
Kate works at the Pentagon and
Lacey works for Eric Cantor.
What do you do, Leslie?
I was just recently
elected. I'm a councilwoman.
Local government is so important.
My grandma's on the
city council in her town.
Gives her a reason to leave the house.
Oh.
Where did you say you were from?
It's called Pawnee.
Pawnee, Missouri?
Oh, my-- that
is so random.
I've been there--
totally cute.
Pawnee, Indiana.
Pawnee, Missouri, is a total craphole.
Ben and I both did some
amazing things today.
He scored a victory for the
congressional campaign he's working on.
And I was mistaken for Beverly D'Angelo
by a Japanese tourist.
So, pretty big day for both of us.
Ron, can I have a burger? I'm hungry.
For the last time, no burgers yet.
I've got ribs, and I've got beef cheek.
Ron, where are my vegan soy patties?
Oh, I gave them to the
kids. They love them.
They're skipping them across the pond.
Donna, I got to go to the boys' room.
- Can I have a ride in your car?
- Absolutely not.
This barbecue stinks.
I'm saying it. It stinks.
Do you have any plates or anything?
I mean, how are we
supposed to eat these rumps?
Ron, if no one takes me to the bathroom,
I'm just going to have
to go in the trees.
All right. Forget it.
You have ruined a
perfectly good barbecue
with your demands and chatter.
Enjoy the rest of your evening.
Does anybody feel like
they can't breathe?
- I think I need some fresh air.
- We're outside.
God, these
women--
they're so smart and
accomplished and pretty.
And they're tall.
Why are they all so tall?
It's like C-Span and
Neiman Marcus had kids
or something.
Hey, so there's a couple more
people I want you to meet.
Great. I can't wait to meet,
like, five more tall women.
Excuse me, Senators?
Ben Wyatt, from Congressman
Murray's campaign.
Ben, I remember you
from the Kennedy Center.
- That's right.
- Yeah.
I wanted to introduce
my friend Leslie Knope--
Senators Barbara Boxer and Olympia Snow.
- A pleasure to meet you.
- How do you do?
So, Leslie, what do you do?
I am a city councilwoman
from Pawnee, Indiana.
But you've probably never heard of us.
We're small and unimportant.
- I'm sure that's not true.
- But it is.
We've got tons of problems.
We're overrun with
raccoons and obese toddlers.
Anyway, I'm probably boring you.
I just wanted to say that
you are my role models,
and, uh, you are
incredibly amazing women,
and it is an honor to meet you,
and I really respect
your grace under pressure,
and thank you for your time.
Excuse me, Senators.
Uh, Leslie?
Hello?
- What's going on?
- Nothing.
I'm just tired, okay?
I saw 24 historical sights in a day,
and it's 120 degrees
out with 200% humidity,
'cause this is a stupid swamp town.
Okay, that would make anyone cranky.
- I'm not cranky.
- Okay.
I thought you'd enjoy
meeting numbers 4 and 26
on Leslie's list of amazing women.
I do. I did.
You're the most amazing boyfriend ever.
And if you don't get out of here soon,
I'm going to punch you in the face.
Journal needs a quote for the profile.
It's fine. Just go.
I'll see you at your apartment later.
This is Ben Wyatt.
Excuse me. I just need
to get my coat here.
Could you give me a minute here, please?
Are you--
are you okay?
Can I get you anything?
I-I would like you to just leave
and give me a little
privacy here, please.
All right.
I'm sorry. I hope everything's okay.
Nosy people have no
respect for personal space.
Ann... what the hell?
I put glitter in all your
moisturizers and lotions.
I'm calling it "Sparkle Skin", by Annie.
Twinkle, twinkle, big star.
Ann! That is an amazing idea,
and I will buy it from you,
but never do that again.
That was really expensive moisturizer.
Yeah, well, you ruined
all of my clothes.
Well, then, I did you a huge
favor, 'cause they stink.
- Are you serious?
- Yes.
Oh, hello, lovers.
- Oh.
- Tom!
You're amazing! Kiss me more!
- Uh-huh. - All
right. Enough of this.
Y'all broke up a long
time ago, didn't you?
No. We're stronger than ever, so...
It's all right.
I'ma let y'all have this one.
As someone who has lied a lot
about various aspects of
a myriad of relationships,
I respect the effort you've gone to.
Let's call off the bet.
Thanks, Donna.
No problem.
- I guess that's it.
- Yep.
The end of a relationship.
And the beginning of a partnership.
Let's talk "Sparkle Skin."
Do we know anyone
in product development over at Sephora?
Good-bye, Tom.
Here's a picture of me and April
making out in her apartment.
- Oh.
- Here's a picture of us
making out in Ben's office.
This is a picture-- oh,
this is us making out--
I don't know where that is,
but you can tell that
she's sucking on my lip.
Traveling.
Making out-- are
you okay, boss?
No. Not really.
I know I should be focusing
on this river cleanup,
but all I keep thinking about
is Ben laughing in a helicopter
with Hot Rebecca.
Who's Hot Rebecca?
She's just this jealousy
amalgam I created.
I combined all of the
giant, dark-haired,
smartphone power
goddesses into one woman
called Hot Rebecca.
- Ah.
- I mean, Ben's life is filled
with senators and
briefings and Super PACs.
I can't even get a meeting
with some bureaucrat.
I don't even know what a bureaucrat is.
Everything's going to
be fine with you and Ben,
because if I know Ben,
he, too, is an amalgam.
- No.
- Yeah.
Point is, you're
better than Hot Rebecca.
You're kickass Leslie.
Long-distance relationships
are never easy,
but you never, ever give up on stuff.
Thanks.
- That's what makes you...
- Nope.
An amalgam. Nailed it.
Ron, a word?
Are you aware of what's going
on out in your department?
I am.
My department is pouting
because I didn't put on a puppet show
based on the funniest
email chain of the year.
I would have liked to
have seen that show.
My nomination was
Jerry accidentally forwards
his bank statement to everyone.
Classic...
And depressing.
The point of a barbecue is not to do
hokey, office joke
theater. The point is--
The point of the barbecue
was to thank the department.
It was an
employee-appreciation barbecue.
Ron, I gave you the chance
to become assistant city manager.
And you chose to stay
here, which is fine.
But if you're going
to lead the department,
you occasionally have
to lead the department.
And I say that as one of
your closest colleagues
and dearest friends...
But also as your boss.
I went to our nation's
capital this weekend
in order to apply for a federal grant
to clean up our city's river.
But things move pretty
slow in Washington,
and I'm not going to wait around.
Now, I was recently reminded by someone
that I'm not the type of person
to shy away from hard work.
What?
Did I--
Do you need something from me right now?
No, no, no. Never mind.
Point is, I'm going to clean
up this river by myself.
Every Saturday from
8:00 a.m. to 10:00 a.m.,
I will be here.
Those are my office hours.
If you want to come and talk to me
or ask me questions or raise an issue,
this is where I'll be.
Let's get to work, Pawnee.
Oh, my God.
The smell is so much worse
when you get up close.
Yeah. Oh, look, a handgun.
I call it.
- Holy--
- Whoa!
Everyone, get in here now!
Your work is appreciated.
Eat some corn.
- Wow. Thank you, Ron.
- Thanks, boss.
- Thanks, Ron.
- Thanks, Ron.
Also, here's Tom.
Aah!
It actually smells really delicious.
It really does.
Give me some of Tommy's ribs.
- Oh, heck, yeah.
- Sorry, Tom.
Oh, my God. That's good.
I mean, if I'd known it didn't go well
with the guy
from Interior, I--
No, no, no. You did nothing wrong.
I'm so happy for you
and how much everyone loves
you and how great you're doing.
I just freaked out. I'm sorry.
Long distance sucks.
It does. But we can do this, right?
Yeah, definitely.
Can you come visit next month?
We can take a proper tour of the sights.
There's only one sight
I want to see right now.
All right, I mean,
this is getting weird,
but, uh, there it is.
I meant the Jefferson Memorial,
you perv.
Right. Sorry.
Sorry, I-I
don't, uh--
I'm--I'm
just--
Wait. No, you didn't.
No, I didn't.
- Spin it around and back it on up.
- All right.
The White House-- America's
most whitest house--
most notably is where Sinbad lived
in the film First Kid.
Sinbad, wow.
The other tour guide never
said anything about that.
Do you know why it's
called the Oval Office?
No.
Because of a man--
Oval Redenbacher...
- What?
- Popcorn inventor.
He used to hang out
with John F. Kennedy.
Excuse me. Attention, everyone.
This tour guide
is the most amazing tour
guide there ever was.
Please, step up.
$200 cash up front.
05x01 - Ms. Knope Goes to Washington
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Public officials in an Indiana town pursue a series of projects to make their city a better town.
Public officials in an Indiana town pursue a series of projects to make their city a better town.