02x08 - The First Thanksgiving

[bunniefuu]

- Morning.
- Good morning.

Happy thanksgiving, dad.

Oh, well, you're in a good mood.

Why wouldn't I be?

I have a lot to be thankful for.

Uh, dad?

What the hell are you doing?

I thought I'd start
thanksgiving dinner.

I've always wanted to
take a s*ab at cooking.

- Where do you keep the, uh...
- Turkeys?

Aprons.

And the turkey.

Dad, I really
appreciate the gesture,

But are you sure you want to
start something that you've, well...

Never done before?

I didn't hear any complaining

About me babysitting
the kids last night.

Babysitting? You watched tv.

Are any of them missing?
Any broken bones?

You're welcome.

Dad, here, sit down.

Why don't you start
slowly, by just helping, uh...

Oh, I got it.

Here's a can.

Here's a can opener.

- I'm on it.
- Okay.

Hey, gramps, want to
watch the game with me?

I can't, rory. I'm
busy opening a can.

There, it's done.

After all that, I may
have to take a little break.

- Mom, are those grocery bags?
- From the grocery store?

Please tell me you're not planning
on cooking thanksgiving dinner.

You said we were gonna go to
a restaurant for a quick meal.

Yes, because it didn't seem
right this year, remember?

I know I said that a
couple of days ago.

But then last night
I couldn't sleep,

And suddenly I knew why.

I know exactly how you feel. I
get up two or three times a night.

Thank you, dad. But
what I meant was,

I suddenly realized that I
could blow off thanksgiving, or

I could choose to enjoy the day.

Sometimes it's four or five.

If I drink anything after 3:00 in
the afternoon, I'm a racehorse.

Dad, just go open
some more cans.

Can we revisit the
blow-off-thanksgiving thing?

We kind of made a choice to go
to a party after the restaurant.

- On thanksgiving?
- Technically it's an
after-thanksgiving party.

See, the burgess family
eats real real early,

And amanda's older brother's
coming home from college

And he's bringing a bunch of friends home
'cause they can't go home for the holidays

And amanda gets to bring a few friends
too, you know, 'cause it makes it even,

So, mom, it's a major coup
that kerry even got invited.

And even though you think
it's just 'cause I'm her big sister,

I have to say I think kerry
finally made it on her own merits.

Yay, kerry!

Yay, me!

As proud of you as
I am, give me a break.

Mom, we already made
plans with kyle and luke.

I'm sorry, but... Who's luke?

Oh, my safety bad-boy.

See, damien's out of town and I just
don't want to be alone on the holidays.

Aww... Still no.

Look, I put a lot
of effort into this.

I even have some
surprises planned.

We're gonna have a fun
thanksgiving... Just family.

Aw, damn!

Spilled it everywhere.

In theory.

Whatever.

Oh, the doorbell.

Gee, I wonder who that
could be on thanksgiving,

Don't you, rory?

Oh, I don't know, mom.
The thanksgiving bunny?

Hi, tommy. What
are you doing here?

Would you like to come in?

Oh, I don't have time
to come in now, cate,

Because I'm heading down to
the stadium to see the lions game...

If only I had someone to take,

Some boy... I can't do it, cate!

Come on, kid, you coming or not?

You got tickets
to the lions game?

Oh man, thanks, mom!

- Tommy, thanks.
- Aw, you're welcome. That'll be $200.

What am I saying?
It's thanksgiving. $150.

Fine. On me, but he
buys his own beer.

Oh!

That's gonna be
blue in the morning.

How much to take my dad?

Hey, girls, listen.

I sent rory to the football game

Because I wanted
him to be happy.

And I want you to be happy too,

- So...
- So you're gonna let us go to the party?

Thank you, mom! Thank you!

Well, no, but you can invite
kyle and safety bad-boy

To have dinner with us.

And guess who else
is joining us. Grandma.

This just... Keeps
getting better.

Thank you, mom.

- Happy thanksgiving.
- Gobble gobble.

Gobble gobble?

- Are you out of your mind?
- No no, here's the plan...

We got the guys in the house.

At the perfect moment,
when mom's in a good mood,

Luke will turn on his charm.

She'll gaze into his
soulful puppy dog eyes,

And then she'll be mesmerized,

And we are so at that par-tay!

Please stop before
you say "girlfriend!"

- This plan is...
- Is all we've got.

Word.

Come on! Third and goal.

Please, god, it's
third and goal.

Lions vs. The packers. Hah!

Were you expecting the
lion vs. The christians?

Come on, guys. I'm
trying to watch the game.

There's no game going on.

All I see are fireworks

And a giant scoreboard
telling us when to cheer.

I mean... What the
hell was that?

- I'm gonna go get myself a...
- Don't forget your diet.

A carrot. I'm gonna
go get myself a carrot

Before they stop
selling them at the half.

- Got it?
- Got it.

I was at the stadium all
the time with your father.

Yeah, me too.

You're the man of the house now.

I am?

It's not just a saying.

All those women in your house
and no one to keep an eye on them.

And your sisters? Come on.

See, your dad knew that there
were a lot of creepy guys out there

That are just gonna
pounce on them like wolves.

Wow. I never
thought of it like that.

Well, not everyone is
sensitive like you and me.

Hey, look at the jugs on her.

Oh, mom, it's so good
to have you here.

Oh, guess who sat
next to me on the plane.

An indian!

I mean, what are the
odds on thanksgiving

That I would be sitting
next to an indian?

Gram, it's "native american."

Oh god, you sound just like him.

That was a great story. How
about you finish your coffee?

Mom, let's get
dinner going, huh?

I'm just very hungry.

Hey, dad, guess who
decided to join us?

Jim. Hi, kiddo.

Hey, gram.

What kind of charade is this?

- What are you talking about?
- This.

Oh, just because
it's thanksgiving

You think you can get your
mother and me to reconcile?

No I don't.

Oh.

Good.

So, rory, how was the game?

Okay.

You're cooking?

Don't act so surprised.

Like you've never seen
me in the kitchen before.

I haven't,

In all the years
we were married.

No wait, let me be fair.

No. Never.

Cate, let me help. That's
what I came here for.

Oh sure, you fly
in here one day,

It's easy to look like a hero.

Where were you this morning
when I was opening cans?

- He opened cans?
- All right, you two,
look.

If you want to help,
come help me set the table.

Come on, dad.

- God, they should
be here by now.
- Who should?

Kerry, were you
talking to someone?

No, I didn't hear anybody.

Must be the wind.

Yeah, blowing through
your empty head.

Everything you say to me goes
in one ear and out the other.

- Hey.
- So, you must be luke.

Yeah. Is bridget here?

So I see you got a motorcycle.

Yeah.

Bet you get a lot
of ladies with it.

I do all right.

So, is bridget here?

Oh, right. I have a message for
you from your precious bridget:

"Thanks for the mono."

Mono? I don't have mono.

Oh. Well, then her message is,

"Sorry I gave you mono."

Oh, man. Now I gotta
make a lot of calls.

Child's play.

I didn't know you
made a pumpkin pie.

Actually, dad made that.

Your dad?

Yeah. Actually, mom,
ever since you separated,

He's been doing a lot of things
that are really uncharacteristic,

Like doing laundry and
not smoking in the bathtub.

That's nice.

He's seeing someone, isn't he?

No!

Why, mom? Do you care?

No. Of course I don't care.

Has he been whistling?

Because that's a sure
sign he's getting some.

Just so you know, I
will never be old enough

For us to have
this conversation.

Hey, rory, you're
gonna build a fire. Great.

It's a little cold in here.

- Yeah.
- Attaboy.

You sure you opened the flue?

Yes, grandpa, I'm sure.

I watched my dad
make fires all the time.

You're using a starter log, huh?

That's sort of
cheating, isn't it?

Yeah, well, fire's come a
long way since your day.

You know what else
we had in my day?

A leather strap and a woodshed.

So luke's not here yet?

He hasn't shown up. I don't
know what happened to him.

Now we're gonna be
stuck here all night.

Our plan has gone awry.

Awry?

Yeah. I know big words too.

- You make the fire.
- No, you make it.

- No, you make it!
- Oh n...

All right, I'll make it.

Fine.

Oh, uh, kerry?

Honey, would you go get
your grandpa a nice sweater?

- Hey.
- Hey, kyle. What are
you doing here?

Oh, kerry called me and invited
me over for a little turkey.

And then when luke gets here we're
gonna sneak out over to amanda's party.

How awesome is that?

Pretty awesome.

Want to go toss the football?

Sure.

Go long.

Longer. Longer!

Wow, I didn't think
that was possible.

Hey, have you seen kyle?

Yeah, he's about two
blocks away, waving his arms.

- What?
- I threw him out.

Rory hennessy, I
am gonna k*ll you!

What did he do to you?

Shannon told jenna who told
courtney from first period...

Not courtney from gym class,

Because shannon and courtney
from gym class hate each other

Because shannon
innocently pointed out

That courtney's boobs are
two totally different sizes

In front of someone...

In front of someone
who blabs... Well, me...

That you told luke
that I had mono?

What's this about mono?

This little slug threw
both of our boyfriends out

Even though they
were officially invited!

They were gonna sneak out.

Can somebody please
tell me what happened?

Oh. Well, jenna told
shannon who told courtney...

Mom!

- We have to fix this now.
- Oh no no no.

You're not going anywhere. We're
gonna have dinner in a few minutes.

Fix what?

The girls are scamming us, cate.

What did you just call me?

Jim, don't just sit there. Help.

Money money, who wants money?

Oh, no no no, dad.
We don't do that here.

- We'll just hook up with
them after we eat turkey.
- Hook up with who?

Wait a minute. Shouldn't we
be smelling turkey right now?

Cate: oh, god. Oh! Oh!

This thing is nowhere near done!

All right, we're not having dinner
for another couple of hours.

We don't have a couple of hours!

Oh, yes you do. Family meeting!

What? Forget you and
your stupid family meetings!

All right. Now that is enough.

All I wanted was a nice
charlie brown thanksgiving.

Is that too much to ask?

Don't worry, cate.
I'll handle the girls.

What?

Back me up on this.

All right, everybody
out of here.

I need to talk to rory.

Did you see how
they speak to me?

Sit.

All right, what is going on
with you and your sisters?

- Come on.
- I was trying
to protect them.

Well, that's sweet.

I was afraid they were gonna
turn into big fat whores.

Okay, not so sweet.

How come?

Well, at the football game

- Tommy said I was
the man of the house.
- So?

When dad used to cover the
tigers' away games when I was little,

He'd always say, "while I'm gone,
ror, you're the man of the house."

But he'd always come back.

And I'm just afraid if
I don't fill his shoes

The girls are gonna
turn into big fat...

I know I know.

I know.

Honey, your job is
to be a 14-year-old kid

And kind of a pain in the ass.

I can do that.

You're great at that.

Don't take on
this responsibility.

You're the son. I'm the parent.

I'll handle the girls.

So, as a parent
who has it handled,

You do realize that while we were
having this touchy-feely mother-son moment

The girls snuck out
to amanda's party.

Right!

Whoa, mama h in the house.

We'll just be in the other room
having a non-alcoholic beverage.

Thanks a lot, guys.

I can't believe that you girls would
pull a stunt like this on thanksgiving.

I have been in that kitchen
all day preparing dinner.

Your grandma
flew in from florida

And your grandpa
even made a pie.

I told you you weren't
going to this party.

We know, mom, but
don't you understand,

This is the first
thanksgiving...

I don't care that this
is the first thanks...

All right, look.

I'm gonna let you
in on a little secret.

I've been doing my best today,

But this is no
picnic for me either.

The truth is, I don't
know what I'm doing.

I'm just making this
up as I go along.

And something just tells
me that the right thing to do

Is for us to have
dinner in our home

At our dining room
table with our family,

Even if this is the first
thanksgiving without your father.

That was really nice, mom.

But what I was gonna say was

This is the first thanksgiving

That I actually got
invited to amanda's party,

And I really want to be here.

Yeah, me too.

But, mom, what you said
was really beautiful.

Yeah.

Oh.

Mom, why are you laughing?

Mom, you're losing it

In front of our college friends.

All I wanted was to have a
normal hennessy thanksgiving.

And I just realized I got it.

With my teenage daughters
trying to ditch me to go to a party,

What could be more normal?

I'm so glad we could
make it so special.

Well, bye.

Oh, no. You're grounded.

Now get your things. Let's go.

And hurry up or
I'll embarrass you.

Bridget, kerry, sorry
I ruined your plans.

Ow! Ow! Ow!

Dance, monkey, dance! Dance!

Girls, let go of him!

How much product do you use?

Everybody help me
get into the dining room.

What?

Dad, you're whistling.

I'm happy.

Eww!

Your mother wants to know
if you guys are ready to eat.

Since it's only 8:00
at night, I wasn't sure.

- Dad?
- Yeah, what, honey?

It's gonna get easier, right?

That's what I'm hoping.

Yeah.

I just want to get all these
"firsts" over as fast as possible.

You've got a lot of firsts
to look forward to...

First graduation, first
wedding, first grandchild,

Provided that comes
after the first wedding.

You know, dad, you turned
out to be a pretty great guy.

Here comes your
mother. Say that again.

I hope everyone's
worked up an appetite.

This just looks wonderful.

Thanks for going
to all this trouble.

Oh, honey, it was no trouble.

In fact, your father
actually helped me.

- He opened a few cans.
- I'm working on myself.

I'll say.

Well, this could turn out to be a
pretty good thanksgiving after all.

Grandma's touching
grandpa's cheek. Barf.

Anyone ever heard
of atkins in this family?

Did you know the human
body has 27' of intestines?

I plan to fill
every inch of them.

- Why...
- Gross!

Um...

Dad, here you go.

Rory, would you do the honors?

- Aren't you finished?
- I'm the man of the house.

Oh, man of the house!

Rory!

You missed a
little on this side.

- Rory!
- Mom, stop him!