01x21 - A Weak First Week

[bunniefuu]

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

(ALARM CLOCK RINGS)

(SLURPING)

(LIGHTSABERS BUZZ)

(expl*si*n)

So, Ren, I found out why

Anita Snyder broke up
with Jordan Bath.

She was thinking ahead, as always.
You know how she loves to project.

She realized that if they got married

she'd have to go through
life as Anita Bath.

(BEEPING)

(GASPS) Hold that thought.

(ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYS)

Aww.

What a great way to start my day.

Ren, did you even hear me?
This is my "A" material.

Uh-huh.

This crush you have
on Bobby Deaver...

-it's just not healthy.
-Technically...

it's not a crush.

My appetite's fine,
I'm sleeping like a baby

and it's not disrupting
my schoolwork.

Oh, look, Bobby's combing
his hair.

This is huge.

Gotcha.

Okay, I'm crushing bad.

Okay, this is good.
Admitting is the first step.

Now, what are you
going to do about it?

For your information, Miss Thing

I'm making my move today.

When? Where?

Details! I need details!

Ruby, just breathe.

I'm planning on meeting him alone
without any distractions.

Ren, please, I'm dying.
How are you going to do it?

I stole his jacket.

Hey, Lou, it is going
to be totally sick.

Party starts at : .

We can just, you know,
kick it till whenever.

Yeah, well, uh, Zach

that sounds like a big,
stinky pile of fun...

(CLEARS THROAT)

...but, uh, there's this documentary

on the history of coleslaw
that I can't miss.

Well...

Whatever.

Zach, what's up, bro?

Dude, I can't wait till your party
tomorrow night.

Wait, you're going?

Yeah. Last year was insane.

This year's going to be better.

My mom is picking up
some major snackage.

-All right.
-Hey, Tawny,

you ever try a jalapeno puff?

No, but I can't wait.

Oh, you are in for a treat.

Too bad you can't make it, dude.

Wait, today's the fifth, right?

Yeah, so that whole
coleslaw documentary

is next week on the tenth...
I can make it.

(BELL RINGING)

Oh, right on.

We're going to have
a DJ and everything

so prepare to get your groove on.
I'm out.

Yeah, me, too. I got to go.

Louis, you know, I don't think
I've ever seen you dance.

Really?

Hm.

Love him or hate him, man
that guy throws one raging party.

It's like a whole nonstop dance jam.

Hm. So, wait. Nonstop...
I have to dance, then, right?

-You don't have to.
-Okay.

Yeah, you could just spend
the whole night

leaning against the loser wall.

Mmm. Bobby Deaver's jacket
even smells cute.

So...

when did you steal it?

I didn't steal it... I borrowed it.

Besides, it was extremely
careless of him to just leave it

on the back of his chair unattended.

Since I am

in charge of the Lost and Found,

I knew he'd have to get it back
from little old me.

Again, I'm dying.

Good luck.

(CLICKS TONGUE)

Okay...

why don't you...

Ah, 'kay.

Here, try this.

I found it in the cafeteria
on the fourth.

It's a little loose.

Well, you know what?
You'll grow into it.

So, bye-bye. There's the door.
See you later. Don't be a stranger.

(EXASPERATED SIGH)

Okay.

Bobby Deaver, please come
to the Lost and Found.

Bobby Deaver, please come
to the Lost and Found.

Bobby Deaver... isn't that
the kid you got the hots for?

Louis, what are you doing here?

Well, Miss Mason called me

"a detriment
to the learning process,"

so I thanked her

and for some reason
she sent me to the office.

Louis...

Ren, relax, it's decaf.

Hey, Ren, I think I should ask you...

to introduce me to this Deaver kid.

I think there's a few things
he needs to know about.

Like what?

That, um, you get carsick

and that sometimes you get corn
in your braces

which is really disgusting

and, uh, that you still sleep
with a stuffed animal.

Well, you just leave
Mr. Pookie out of this.

Sorry, Ren,
I don't think I can do that.

Bobby Deaver,
do not come to the office.

Do not come to the office.

(FUNKY GUITAR PLAYING)

One place you'll never find me
is against the loser wall, man.

I'm thinking of throwing in
some arm movements here and there.

I'm thinking
you're thinking too much.

You know...
Let me see the arms. ***

Some of that. Huh?

Are you even listening to the music?

Yeah. Six, seven, eight!

(MUSIC STOPS)

-Hey! What's up, man?!
-Lou...

as a friend and, uh...
as a concerned citizen

I can't let you do that in public.

You're going to hurt somebody.

But tomorrow night's a big night.
You know that, right?

I'm going to be cutting a rug,
you know?

I'm going to be getting groovy,
putting my big boy pants on.

Bam.

Not everybody dances, man.

Look, tomorrow night at Zach's party
it's the real deal, you know?

It's not some... some bar mitzvah.

It's not some kid's
birthday party, you know?

This is a party for no good reason
and I will be dancing.

And plus, you don't want
Tawny and Zach dancing together.

No, that wouldn't be
too comfy, Twitty.

So, you got one day to learn to dance.

Yeah.

One day.

Dancing is about confidence

and after just two hours with me

you will acquire the confidence

to walk on any dance floor with
that look in your eye that says

"I'm here to boogie."

You'll learn the tango.

You'll learn the rumba.

You'll learn my favorite,
the cha, cha, cha-cha-cha.

Cha, cha, cha-cha-cha.

All right, everybody, partner up.
Here we go.

Wait. Um, excuse me.

Um, your ad said we'd learn
the latest dances.

Well, that's right.

When I opened this place in '
these were the latest dances.

It's rumba time.

Uh, you know, the math
doesn't quite add up, so...

I'm just going to get my refund
and boogie on home, okay?

Don't worry, boychick.
I'm making you my special project.

(REN SCREAMING)

No, this is great

because I missed my chance
with Bobby yesterday.

I know, you're dying.

(GIGGLING) All right.
I'll see you tonight.

Yes!

Guess what?

Ruby and I are going to Zach's party

and Robert aka "call-me-Bobby" Deaver
is going to be there

and I can't think
of a better way to say

"Hi. Glad to meet you."

All right, what am I going
to do with my hair?

Zach Estrada's party?

Yeah. I know we said
we'd go to a movie

but, I mean, this is beyond. It's just...

Oh, no, this is great.

This is perfect, because I promised
to drive Louis there at : , so...

What did you say?

Louis is going to Zach's party.

Aw...

This is...

this is just great. (FRUSTRATED GROAN)

Ren, you and Louis
are just a year apart.

You go to the same school.

You are going to have to accept
the fact that you are going

to be in social situations together.

But not this one.
Any one but this one.

Oh, honey, it's just a party.
How bad can it be?

Okay, Bobby, up next

in the Ren Stevens
Festival of Humiliation.

(LAUGHS)

I took this one by myself.
It's called "Ren Eats a Bad Clam."

See how she just
lights up the screen?

Aw...

Why is this happening to me?

What... what do you mean?

What? For your information

the Rumba is a dance that never
goes out of style, bro.

Oh, yeah?

Tw... Twitty?

Alan?

Alan had to go bye-bye.

Can... can I

have a little privacy, please?
Just a little bit?

This isn't a social call.

It appears that both of us'll be
going to Zach Estrada's party.

How did you swing an invite?

It's très exclusive.

None of your beeswax.

We'll both be there,

so I took the time
to make up this agreement.

-Agreement, huh?
-Mm-hmm.

"Anti-embarrassment pact"?

Ren, I don't have time
for this stuff.

I have problems of my own.

People still do the rumba, right?

Yeah. Whatever.

Read it.

It's to ensure that both of us

will have a pleasant
and humiliation-free evening.

It's pretty standard.

You know, two-room buffer

and I'm definitely going
to have to sign off on your wardrobe.

And there's a no-talking provision.

What does that mean?

You are not to talk to me.

Ren, you can't just walk in my room

and force me to sign
some lame document.

What's the deal?
Is "Booby" Deaver going to be there?

Now you're in violation of Article B,
which means

-you're not supposed to mention...
-I don't care. I'm not signing this.

-Oh... really?
-Yeah.

Louis...

who is the hardest working

brightest, most signal-minded
person on this Earth?

You.

You. So?

Now, imagine, if I devoted
all my time and energy

not to schoolwork
or the betterment of society

but to making your life
as miserable, pathetic

and inconsequential
as I possibly could,

which I'll do if you don't sign this.

-Borrow your pen?
-Of course.

Press hard,
'cause the top copy's yours.

(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)

TWITTY: Hey, man.

Glad you didn't wuss out.
What's the game plan?

The game plan is, I'm kind of hoping
for somebody who'll want to rumba.

Mmm, a rumba.

Let me know. I'm waiting.

Oh.

Hey, Lou, you know,

I was just teasing you
about your dancing.

You know, you should go out there

-and have some fun, man.
-Yeah.

I... I got to go.

Louis, are you okay?

Yeah, Monique, I'm fine.

Are you sure? You don't look so good.
Maybe you should go lie down.

No, I'm fine.

(RAPID KNOCKING ON DOOR)

I wasn't done
with the secret knock yet.

-It could have been anyone.
-What is he doing?

It's perfect...
Bobby's down the hall.

He just finished talking
to Marty Tuttle

about his brother's four-by

and now he's moving into the kitchen
to get a pretzel.

Your hair looks great.

Really? Really?
It's not too much?

Oh, nonsense. It's perfect.

I'm proud of you.

All right, I'm going in.

Ow.

Ow... ooh...

Hi. Hi.

Listen, Ren, I know
under Article Four

I'm not supposed
to talk to you tonight

but I thought you should know

you have a tree
growing out of your head.

-Go!
-It's scary.

(GROANS)

Louis.

Zach was right,
these jalapeno puffs are great.

Yeah.

(SIGHS) So, where you been?

Um, working the rooms a little.

Everywhere.

(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)

Oh, I love this song.

Yeah, it's a catchy... melody, yeah.

You know, I heard the drummer d*ed
in a tragic shaving accident.

You're right about these things.
These put cashews to shame.

So, Louis, do you feel
like dancing with me?

I haven't really, um...

loosened up yet.

I stretch, you know.

I don't want to pull anything.

(GROANS) You know?

Hey, Tawny, care to dance?

Yeah, sure.

Have fun.

Did you guys try the...

(NEON BUZZING)

Have a nice night.

Maybe we're just not meant to be
and maybe I'm jinxed.

Look, Ren, we're still in the game.

Bobby didn't even see you.

-Are you sure?
-Yes.

-Ow.
-Sorry.

This would be a lot easier

if I had a little pair
of scissors or something.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

Today, please.

Sorry, Monique. Ocupado.

Here's a tweezers. Woop!

Are you okay?

I am jinxed.

Ren, stop it. You're not jinxed.

Oh, yeah, I am.

No. I told you
we're going to get you cleaned up

and you're going
to march back out there

-and give it another sh*t.
-No, we're not.

Yes, you are.

-No, we're not.
-Yes, you are.

-No, we're not!
-Why not?!

My foot is stuck in the toilet!

Yeah, Tawny and Zach
look pretty good together.

Puffs?

No.

I'm out of here.

Uh, so you're saying

that if you flush the toilet
the water's just going to...

blow my foot out?

I'm saying it's like
giving your foot the Heimlich.

(GROANS)

Trust me.

(BOTH SCREAMING)

(EXASPERATED GROAN)

Monique, look, there's
a bathroom downstairs.

We're having
some plumbing issues in here.

We're having plumbing issues
out here, too.

Louis!

(LAUGHING)
Your foot.

LOUIS: I thought
I was having a lousy night.

RUBY: Louis, please,
we need your help.

My help.

Well, there must be something

in here somewhere about help,
right, Ren?

Louis, stop it.

I was wrong.

I know I was crazy this week.

But it's really hard to like someone
and not have them know how you feel.

I know that you
can't relate to this now

but someday you will.

Yeah, well, you'd be surprised.

Listen, Ren, I know
it's not in the contract

but I'm going to get you out of here.

Ruby, you put this shampoo
on her foot, okay?

Let it soak for three minutes

and then you pull her foot out
and it will slide out like butter.

I'm pretty sure.

But she can't just waltz
through the party like this.

She looks like a soggy rodent.

Which, fortunately, is in this year.

I'll... I'll create a diversion.

A diversion?

Um... all you have
to worry about is, uh...

getting out of here without
Mr. Wonderful seeing you.

(RUMBA MUSIC PLAYING)

Dude, that's my mom.

Okay, on three.

One, two, three!

Oh! My shoe.

(GRUNTS)

It's not coming out.

-Come on, we don't have time.
-But my shoe! I...

I should call my dad.

(APPLAUSE)

Whoo!

Hey, Ren!

I'm Bobby.

Hi, I'm Stevens.

This was in the bathroom.
I thought it might be yours.

Oh, well... you...

(LAUGHS)

Uh...

Well, let me help you there.

Perfect fit.

(GIGGLING)

You know, I've wanted to say
hi to you for the longest time.

Really?

So, hi.

Hi.

So, I guess I better
get back to the party.

Yeah.

-So, bye.
-Bye.

Ooh...

(SQUEALING)

BOBBY: Oh, Ren...

I know you're in charge
of that Lost and Found thing.

Mm-hmm.

I'm missing a red jacket,
so if you see it...

I'll let you know.

Bye.

-(DOOR OPENS)
-(REN SIGHS)

Honey, what happened?
You're all wet.

Oh, well, I got my foot stuck
in a toilet

and it exploded in my face.

Oh, that must have been awful.

It's the best night of my life.

Oh, good.

Sounds like fun.

Where's Louis?

Oh, I guess he's still at the party.

(RUMBA MUSIC PLAYING)

Dad, you really might want to
cut your business trip short.

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)