02x07 - Dude Where's My House?

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Gabby Duran & the Unsittables". Aired: October 2019 - present.*
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Gabby finds herself babysitting extraterrestrial children who are hiding out on Earth and vows to protect their secret.
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02x07 - Dude Where's My House?

Post by bunniefuu »

Swift:
Jeremy consumes flaming hot

nacho cheese tortilla chips,

reacting with his
molecular structure

to transform him into
a flaming glob of destruction.

What do you do?

Easy. I neutralize
hot nacho with cool ranch,

thereby restoring
the party chip equilibrium.

I'm no chip scientist, but
that sounds pretty right to me.

Hm... And, in the event
of a power outage?

We drain the Orb's
battery until it dies,

- and then we light candles.
- Orb: I don't like that plan.

- (sighs)
- Gabby: Swifty, relax.

- I told you. Everything's gonna be fine.
- Swift: Oh Gabby,

this is your first overnight
babysitting assignment.

It's a huge step up
in responsibility,

and I need to feel

secure that nothing
is going to go wrong.

And nothing will
go wrong! Now,

get outta here and go
enjoy the Uncle Conference.

Which, I just wanna
double‐check,

- we're still sure is a thing?
- Oh, of course it's a thing.

And I must admit,

I am quite looking forward
to what I can only assume

will be a‐a wide array of

uncle‐centric workshops.

Learning how to say things like,

"Hey there, big guy,"
and give noogies,

and that sort of thing.
Heh, not to mention

the opportunity to, uh, network
with other uncles. (sighs)

Very well, then.
I must be off.

[♪ ♪]

Jeremy, I shall
return to you

a more admirable uncle.

Better equipped
to help guide you

through life's
horrific gauntlet.

(door opens)

I can only hope
that in my absence,

‐ you...
‐ (door slams)

Both:
Heeey!

Theme song playing...

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ I do normal like a fish
rides a bicycle ♪


♪ Fit in like summer
and an icicle ♪


♪ Don't fight it,
just be an original ♪


♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ I roller skate
outside the lines ♪


♪ When I try to stay in,
it's no surprise ♪


♪ It's a fail, it's okay,
I'm one of a kind ♪


♪ One of a, one of a kind ♪

♪ So anytime I feel
some type of way ♪


♪ Don't understand
the human race ♪


♪ So what, so what, so what ♪

♪ I do my thing,
I do my thing ♪


♪ You do your thing,
You do your thing ♪


♪ When we don't fit in ♪

♪ We stand out in the crowd
and we shout it loud ♪


♪ I do my thing,
I do my thing ♪


♪ I'm the one and only,
I'm the one and only ♪


♪ Don't try to fit in,
Don't try to fit in ♪


♪ Mm‐hmm, I do my thing ♪

So, I've been thinking
about it, and Swift is right.

An overnight babysitting job

is a huge step up
in responsibility.

So, I say we play
it safe tonight.

Stay in, watch a movie,

in bed by : . What do you say?

(both laugh)

[♪ ♪]

(laughter)

No, seriously though.
Tonight is gonna be

the most ridiculously epic night
of babysitting ever!

Yeah it is! I'm wearing pairs
of underwear just in case.

- In case of what?
- You don't wanna know.

Okay then... Let's run
through the itinerary.

First up in our epic night,
we're gonna eat

a boatload of Luchachos!

- How much?
- A boatload!

- What happens then?
- Then, we're gonna mess with the Orb.

Watch out, Orb!
We coming for ya!

- Orb: Please don't.
- Sorry, pal.

Third, we use every
toy at our disposal

to build a massive and
painstakingly detailed megacity.

(gasps) I love a megacity!

Which we then
immediately destroy!

(smashing sounds,
people screaming)

Uh, Gabby? This is your part.

We kinda have a
call‐and‐respond thing going here.

Whoa. Change of plans, bud.

(beeping)

We're going to Fly Friday
' s pop‐up shop.

"Buckets of bucket hats?

The most oversized of
oversized overalls"?

Come on! We gotta hurry. These
pop‐up shops are only around

for a limited time before
they disappear forever.

Not unlike the ' s themselves.

But, what about the most
ridiculously epic

night of babysitting ever?

The Luchachos?
The megacity? The boatload?

There'll be plenty of time
for all that stuff later!

Now, let's go.
It's only open until : .

I'm not leaving. I'm already
in my evening wear, Gabby,

and once I emotionally
commit to a wardrobe,

I find it very
difficult to change.

Okay, okay. How about this?

The shop's just down
the street. You stay here,

I'll duck out real quick,
and be back before you know it.

You're the babysitter.
You can't just leave me alone.

(beeping)

[♪ ♪]

- Buckets of bucket hats...
- (beeping)

I'll be back in minutes.

Twenty tops.

You won't even know I'm gone!

- Besides, the Orb can watch you.
- (whirring)

Orb:
Not going to happen.

See? You'll be fine!

You told your dad I know
about aliens, right?

- Yes, Wesley.
- And you told him

I'm Senior Executive Liaison
to Intergalactic Affairs?

- I did.
- Okay.

- He was not impressed.
- Oh...

- Hey!
- It's gonna be awkward!

And he's gonna judge me,
and honestly,

that cheese I ate earlier is
really upsetting my stomach.

Wesley, relax.
It's just a dinner.

But what if your dad hates me?

What if he hates my pants?
What if he hates my shirt?

Oh! I told my mom
I don't have

the right torso
for button‐downs!

Look at me.

I like you,
so he'll like you.

Come on.

Let's do our calming exercise.

What?

(inhale) Breathe in for four.

[♪ ♪]

(exhale)

Out for four.
No need to cause an uproar.

Both:
In for three, out for three.

My fears are tiny as a flea.

In for two, out for two.

I am calm, and so are you.

(sighs)

Ready?

(heavy breathing)

Oh, and my dad's really
into his new wig,

so make you sure
you compliment...

- (door opens)
- Sky's Dad: Wesley.

I am pleased you join us.

[♪ ♪]

[♪ ♪]

Hoo! Look at this haul!

And Jeremy said I shouldn't
leave him alone. (laughs)

Now then, time to get back to

the most ridiculously
epic night of babysitting...

(creak)

So, I...
kinda lost the house.

- (drops bags)
- (gasps)

[♪ ♪]

[♪ ♪]

What do you mean
you lost the house?!

After you left,
Jimbuk came over and bet me

that I couldn't do
sit‐ups in a row,

and you know how
strong my core is,

so I had to challenge him.

I... choked under pressure.

So, he just took
the house with him?!

Don't be naive. He
shrunk it first, then took it.

He... shrunk... it?

(ringtone playing)

This is not good.

(ringtone continues)

(beep)

Swifty! How are things?

Swift (on phone): Gabby,
I called the house phone,


and no one answered!
Is everything okay?


Everything's fine. Jeremy's
fine. The house is fine,

and totally still here.

We must've been having
so much normal fun,

we couldn't hear the phone.

Swift: Well, I was
just calling to check in,


but it sounds like
everything's fine.


Super fine! Anyway, gotta
go. Enjoy the conference!

(beep)

This is not my fault!

So the house wasn't taken while
you were out buying overalls?

[♪ ♪]

Let's just go find Jimbuk.

(Sky clears throat)

I love your wig,
Mister... Sky's Dad.

You can tell this is a wig?

No! No, no! I mean, if it
were, it'd be really nice,

but it's totally
not, so...

Is it warm in here,
or do I just

wanna die a little
on the inside?

Wes brought sparkling
cider with him.

You have to try it.
It's so apply!

[♪ ♪]

You're gonna love it. It's from
my grandpa's apple orchard.

You gotta be careful with these.

I once saw a rogue cider top
knock a guy out cold.

(squeaking)

- Luckily for us...
- (pop)

- I'm a pro.
- (laughs)

(gurgling, splashing)

(hissing)

(laughs) I think it stopped.

- Oh! Oh!
- (spraying)

Oh no! Oh, sorry!

Oh! Ah.

(cider dripping)

(panting)

Oh...

I'm so sorry about that!
Th‐that was...

(long farting noise)

- (creak, smash)
- Ah!

- (gasps)
- Ow...

[♪ ♪]

Did your flatulence
just break my chair?

(panting)

[♪ ♪]

Okay, we're here. So,

- where's Jimbuk?
- I don't know.

Jimbuk:
Speak of the Jimbuk...

and he shall appear.

[♪ ♪]

Okay, knock it off,
and give us the house back.

- Sorry, Abby.
- Gabby.

Agree to disagree.
I won that house

fair and square,
thanks to our mutual friend

Jeremy's soft‐as‐butter core.

Don't you ever talk
about my core like that!

- Hold me back, Gabby.
- What do you want for it?

I prepared a list of items

that I am willing to trade for.

A milkshake of lost souls...

- Oh...
- the ashes of a phoenix yet to rise...

a Derek who looks like an Eric.

Okay, enough of this!

If you don't give us
the house right now...

- (steam hissing)
- Jimbuk: And the Jimbuk is gone!

(coughing)

Jimbuk: Oh!

Nuh!

Okay, so you may have

ruined dinner before it started,

but you can still finish strong.

You can go out there
and show everyone

that you cannot be rattled!

(loud whisper): You are a
survivor! You are unbreakable!

[♪ ♪]

See? Just avoided
a major disaster.

Things are looking up already.

(sighs)

(sighs)

- (sighs)
- (cracking)

- Oh... (gasps)
- (shattering)

- (water rushing)
- (whimpering)

- (spraying)
- (grunting)

Why?! How?!

- (knocking)
- Sky: Are you okay in there?

Uh, I'm fine!

Are you sure? Because...

Help me before your dad...

[♪ ♪]

Oh no.

Young male,

you have soiled my kitchen with
your carbonated Earth drink,

ravaged my chair
with your flatulence,

and now you have
destroyed my toilet!

Probably with some sort
of tomahawk dookie.

You have brought so much
dishonor upon my house

that I'm afraid I have
no other choice.

(beeping)

Wesley,

I challenge you
to a mind duel.

[♪ ♪]

This night's getting
really outta hand.

(classical music playing)

(slurping)

Now then, where were we?

(girly voice):
I love you, Jimbuk.

(normal): Of course you do,
Abby. And who could blame you?

[♪ ♪]

- (gasps)
- (thud)

What are you... Ah!

- (smacking)
- (Jimbuk yelling)

Grab the house and run!

I really don't think we
need to resort to v*olence.

Jeremy, make her stop!
This wasn't part of the plan!

- Ow!
- What are you talking about? What... plan?

He's lying!

Explain yourself now.

It was his idea
to shrink the house

and make me steal it!

Traitor! I told you
not to say anything!

I'm just an innocent party!

(both grunting)

[♪ ♪]

This was your idea?

You gave the house to Jimbuk
and told him to shrink it?

Yeah! 'Cause you ditched me!

I stepped away for minutes!

That might as well be eight
years with my attention span.

Stop! Stop!
Everybody, just calm down!

- (sighs)
- Now, before anyone does anything rash,

I need to retrieve my figurines.

Whoa!

(slow motion yelling)

[♪ ♪]

[♪ ♪]

This wouldn't have happened
if you didn't ditch me.

No, this wouldn't have happened
if you didn't tell Jimbuk

to shrink the house
and bring it back

to his creepy bachelor pad.

Actually, I live
with my grandmother.

Gabby: Oh, Swift's
gonna k*ll us!

How could you possibly
think this was a good idea?

This isn't my fault!

You only have time
for me when we're on

some crazy
alien adventure.

I thought that
if I made one up,

we could finally have some
quality time together.

[♪ ♪]

Do you really think that?

I like hanging out
with you, Gabby,

but I just wish you
like hanging out with me

as much as you like
bucket hats.

Of course, I like
hanging out with you.

You're hilarious.

You don't care what
people think about you.

You're one of the coolest kids,

alien or human,
that I've ever met,

and if you don't know that,

then that's my fault.
And I'm sorry.

But, hey. I'm gonna
make this up to you.

‐ We can still have...
‐ (muffled ringtone)


(beep)

- Swifty!
- Swift (on phone): Gabby, there has

- been a misunderstanding.
- (jungle noises)

Turns out,
the Uncle Convention

is not for human uncles.

Rather,
UNCLE is an acronym for

the United Network of Cheetah
and Leopard Enthusiasts.

Hm. Who would've thought?

- Needless to say, I am quite disappointed...
- (enthusiasts growling)

And will be
returning home early.

[♪ ♪]

Well, you're
already there,

so you might as well stay!

You know what they say,
never turn down an opportunity

to learn about the big cats.

- Literally nobody has ever said that, Gabby.
- (growling)

I shall return in
a couple of hours.

- (hissing)
- Goodbye!

[♪ ♪]

So, change of plans.
Swift is on his way home,

and we need to have that house

fixed and fully‐sized
when he gets there.

- (groaning)
- So, here's what we're gonna do.

First, we're gonna eat
a boatload of Luchachos!

Then, we're gonna rebuild
Swift's house like

it's a massive and
painstakingly detailed megacity...

- Which we immediately destroy!
- Absolutely not.

But once the house is
fixed and normal‐sized,

- we're gonna mess with the Orb!
- We're gonna mess with the Orb!

So, what do you say,
Jer‐Bear? You ready to have

the most ridiculously epic
night of babysitting ever?

Let's do it!

Yes! Let's all do it!

You're... not a part
of this, Jimbuk.

[♪ ♪]

(heavy breathing)

So, explain to me again
why I'm in a weird helmet

- getting ready to fight your dad?
- I told you.

You broke the toilet,
you do the mind duel.

It's how our people work.

(panting)
I'm still not following.

The rules of the mind duel
are simple.

Each competitor is to imagine
the most fearsome thing

they can think of, and
their thoughts go to battle

on the astral plane.
Understand?

- I have a few questions...
- If you win,

you may continue to
court my daughter.

But if I win, I will extract
the bones from your body

and use them to repair
my porcelain throne.

- Is that negotiable?
- No.

Battle will commence
in three minutes.

(panting) I don't know
how this happened so fast!

One minute, I'm trying to
impress my girlfriend's dad,

and the next, I'm battling
him for my life?!

The mind duel is by far my
planet's safest form of battle.

You really have nothing
to worry about, Wesley.

You're not the one who may or
may not be turned into a bone toilet!

(hyperventilating)

I think... I need...
to do our breathing...

(gasping) Help!

Both: Breathe in
for four, out for four.

No need to cause an uproar.

In for three, out for three.

My fears are tiny as a flea.

In for two, out for two...

- I am calm, and so are you.
- Sky: I am calm, and so am I.

(panting)

What did you just say?

It is time, Wesley.

[♪ ♪]

[♪ ♪]

♪ One, two, three, go! ♪

(inaudible)

(inaudible)

(crunch)

♪ Work it, work it, work it ♪

♪ W‐w‐w‐w‐w‐work it ♪

♪ Work it, work work work
work work work work it ♪


♪ Work it, work it ♪

♪ Work it, w‐w‐work it ♪

♪ Work it, work work ♪

[♪ ♪]

Okay. Hit it.

(beeping, powering up)

(powering down)

Jimbuk said it
might take a while.

(car approaching)

That's Swift!
Fix this! I'll stall.

- Swift: Thank you.
- (powering down)

Swifty! Welcome back!

Home! Which is here!
(nervous laugh)

- Come on, come on!
- (beeping, whirring)

Tell me all about your trip.

Ooh. Are those from
the cheetahs and leopards?

No, Gabby. There were
no actual cheetahs

or leopards there.
Their enthusiasts,

however, are a strange and...

intense people.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

- I just have to get inside the house...
- Uh,

what is the difference between
a cheetah and a leopard?

Is it a...

species thing
or a semantics thing? I...

We will have plenty
of time to discuss

fauna tomorrow.
Right now,

- all I want to do is relax and forget...
- (beeping)

- Everything that just happened as it was...
- (whirring)

Very traumatic.

(sighs)

(sighs)

(sighs)

[♪ ♪]

(heavy breathing)

Home sweet home.

(sighs)

(both sigh)

(door shuts)

Go Wesley!

Wait. No. Go Dad!

I'm so conflicted...

[♪ ♪]

(whirring, beeping)

(beeping)

(zapping)

[♪ ♪]

(echoing):
Prepare yourself.

(crumbling, rumbling)

(heavy breathing)

(zapping)

(roaring)

(flames crackling)

(gasping)

(roaring continues)

Choose your fighter, Wesley!

(whimpering)

(nervous laugh)

(zapping)

(creature growling)

I chose an alien
telepath dad

because someone
like that could, say,

create an incredibly
realistic simulation

of a dinner going
terribly wrong,

when, in reality,

it was all in that
person's head.

(sighs)

[♪ ♪]

(whirring)

How did you figure out
that this entire evening

has been a...
brain simulation?

Well, Sky's been
acting weird all night.

She hates my grandpa's
apple cider,

she always laughs at my
involuntary bodily functions,

and she got our
calming exercise wrong.

It didn't even rhyme!

It appears you know
my daughter very well.

You obviously care
about her a great deal.

I do, sir. Very much.

Please don't tell
Sky about this.

I promised her
I wouldn't do anything...

weird.

(laughs)

Whatever you say,
Mister... Sky's Dad.

(snap)

[♪ ♪]

(nervous laugh)

Sir. Good to see you.

Sky:
Wow.

That calming exercise
really worked.

Yeah. I guess it did.

(laughs)

Sorry again that
I bailed on you.

And just so you know,

I really do like
spending time with you.

Thanks, Gabby. Today
really did turn out to be

the most ridiculously epic
night of babysitting ever.

(whirring)

Orb (high‐pitched):
Please help me.

[♪ ♪]

Fly swatter?
Or vacuum cleaner?

- Both.
- Orb: Ah...

Wesley: Next time on "Gabby
Duran and the Unsittables"...


- You got another Orb?
- Bro: What's up, my dudes?

"Best Fins Forever" is the
best book series of all time.

There's a contest for BFFs,
Best Fins Fans,


to meet the author herself,

Amelia H. M. F. Barston.

Susie? You like
Best Fins Forever?

We're gonna win the competition.

Wes and I are winning this thing

since all we have to do
is be naturally awesome.


(whirring)

- (gasps)
- (screams)

(shattering)

[♪ ♪]

Man:
Gorgeous!
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