02x08 - A Song of Gabby & Susie

[bunniefuu]

Gabby:
"And with that,

"the riptides tore
Ichthynia and Dasania

"to opposite
ends of the Earth,

"wondering if they would
ever find each other again.

"Bonded by their love
of punk rock,

"they called out to each other
with the ancient Dolphinian promise

"of eternal friendship.

Eeee eeeeee ee eee!"

To be continued.

That plot was...
very hard to follow.

"Best Fins Forever"
is the best book series of all time.

I think a little series called
"The Berenstain Bears"

might have somethin'
to say about that.

Is it cheesy? Yeah.

Is it ridiculous?
Of course!

But does it also have
best friend mermaids

who blow up mega‐sharks
with electric guitar tridents?

You bet your barnacles it does!

- "Bet your barnacles"?
- There's a contest for BFFs...

Best Fins Fans...
to meet the author herself,

Amelia H. M. F. Barsten!

But there's a catch...

it has to be entered
by two best friends.

So, that's where you come in.

All we have to do is make
a video that shows

how we'd resolve
the last book's cliffhanger.

So... Wesley.

Will you be my best fin forever?

(chuckles, then exhales)

Fine, but just know,

I wouldn't do this
for anyone else.

You're gonna love it!

Will you please signal
your dedication

with the Dolphinian promise
of eternal friendship?

(makes strained dolphin sounds)

Close enough!

We're comin' for you, Amelia.

Ee eee eee eeeee!

Theme song playing...

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ I do normal like a fish
rides a bicycle ♪

♪ Fit in like summer
and an icicle ♪

♪ Don't fight it,
just be an original ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ I roller skate
outside the lines ♪

♪ When I try to stay in,
it's no surprise ♪

♪ It's a fail, it's okay,
I'm one of a kind ♪

♪ One of a, one of a kind ♪

♪ So anytime I feel
some type of way ♪

♪ Don't understand
the human race ♪

♪ So what, so what, so what ♪

♪ I do my thing,
I do my thing ♪

♪ You do your thing,
You do your thing ♪

♪ When we don't fit in ♪

♪ We stand out in the crowd
and we shout it loud ♪

♪ I do my thing,
I do my thing ♪

♪ I'm the one and only,
I'm the one and only ♪

♪ Don't try to fit in,
Don't try to fit in ♪

♪ Mm‐hmm, I do my thing ♪

- (bell rings)
- Wesley: So the mermaids screech like dolphins?

I mean, how's that possible?

Dolphins are mammals.
Mermaids are part fish...

Wesley, remember when you
waited in line for hours

to meet the mascot of your
favorite tortilla chip company?

The Corn Commander
is a notorious recluse.

So you get it!

I have a loving family,
good friends,

and a super sick job.

But none of it means anything

- if I don't get to meet Amelia.
- (scoffs)

So ask yourself:
do I wanna keep poking holes,

or do I wanna wear
this cool leather vest

from our school's old production
of "West Side Story"?

Wesley: Ooh!

Girl: We can't use that
fin! Dasania's fin is forked,

not rounded like
some boring blowfish!

(gasps) It can't be.

Susie?

You like "Best Fins Forever"?

Correction.

I like homework.

Gross.

I love "Best Fins Forever."

Which is why Iris‐Maeve
and I are looking for costumes.

We're gonna win the competition,
and meet Amelia H. M. F. Barsten.

Hi. I'm Iris‐Maeve.

Well, we're gonna enter
the contest, too.

And heads up...

(whispers):
I'm a superfan.

Susie: Um, I took an
online quiz last night

that said I'm such an expert
on "Best Fins Forever,"

I must secretly have gills.

And maybe I do. I'll never tell.

- You don't.
- I might.

Pfft. Whatever.

Wes and I are
winning this thing,

since all we have to do
is be naturally awesome.

Right, Wes?

Oh, aah...
(clears throat) Um...

(makes strained dolphin
screeching noise)

(western music playing)

[♪]

♪ You and your love ♪

- ♪ Love is dangerous times ♪
- (water running)

- (dishes clattering, - water sloshing)
- ♪ Don't try to get too close ♪

(ding)

♪ I might lose my mind ♪

♪ But I'll take that chance ♪

♪ 'Cause you were
hard to find ♪

I predict two in seconds.

No way! I could eat
this whole box in .

Including the box!

Orb: A brain freeze will slow down
the average ice pop eater by ...

- Oh, come on!
- Boo!

Why do you always
have to ruin our hijinks

with your data and logic?

Would it k*ll you to be an
artificially intelligent supercomputer

who's also a fun hang?

Orb:
Ignoring that.

I will be undergoing
a mandatory

system update shortly,
and will be offline.

I suggest making preparations.

Oh, yeah,
I'll make "preparations."

Because I'm sooooo scared
to go a week without the Orb,

a boring jerk who hates fun.

While Jeremy's sarcasm
is a tad much,

I agree with him.

You don't do anything
around here,

and we don't need you at all.

We'll be just fine on our own.

(in mocking voice):
Enjoy your update.

[♪]

(sparking)

Stupid deodorant!

It's not getting anything clean.

(groans) Please,
keep your voice down!

I believe I'm still suffering

from the dreaded brain freeze.

(moans)
When will it end?

This is all the Orb's fault.

[♪]

- Okay. From the top.
- Make it drop.

We're gonna make
the evil Lobstresita

wish she were never spawned!

It's "Lobstrina."

I still have the clamshell
guitar pick you gave me

the day I was captured, Dasania.

You gotta air strum, man!

If you don't air strum, then
this whole part's pointless.

Let us recite the famous proverb
of our people...

- (sighs)
- (stomach rumbling)

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa. Not even close.

Gabby, I think my stomach
is trying to tell me something.

Okay, you're hungry. I get it.

No. I'm slowing you down.

You deserve a partner
who's as in sync with you

as Lobstresita is
with that, that crab boy.

It's Lobstrina...
Forget it.

Maybe you're right.

I do need the vest back.

What vest?

(sighs)

So long, Kanye Vest.

[♪]

- Stay back!
- (whimpers, gasps)

The evil monster is still
around here somewhere.

(gasps)

- There it is!
- Aah!

Oh! It was so much safer

when the Orb was patrolling
for these sorts of horrors!

But thankfully, all of this
shall be taken care of.

- You got another Orb?
- Uh, no.

Another Orb
was not in our budget,

but the Blorg at the pawn shop

directed me to an area called
the "Bargain Heap,"

where I found a "Bro."

Ha ha! It says on the box
that it's better than an orb.

So you got a knock‐off Orb?

(sighs)

(whirring)

- Bro: What's up, my dudes?
- Ha!

(laughing)

Bro:
Whoa, gnarly!

Bro, destroy that monster!

Bro: Oh, looks like
we got a party crasher!

(power surging)

- Unlock the Bro!
- k*ll the beast! Ha!

Bro:
See you later, tiny amigo.

Ooh.

Bro: Hey, how about
some sustenance?

Who wants beef taquitos?

(both laughing)

Mmm!

You can do this...

Maybe get a fake mustache,

and pretend to be
your own best friend.

Susie: Your resume says
you speak fluent Dolphinian.

What I just heard was
conversant at best. Next!

[♪]

Gabby:
What happened to Iris‐Maeve?

Interviewing fake friends
for the contest?

If you must know, Iris‐Maeve,

while incredibly
dedicated to the cause...

female friendship...

lacked basic knowledge.

She thought the capital
of Aquania was Neptunium,

- which she clearly got from the...
- Both: Video game adaptation.

[♪]

Hey. I just had an idea.

I just had a better one.

Both: We should enter
the contest together.

[♪]

Both:
Eee eee eee eee!

[♪]

Looks like I'm teaming up
with Susie.

(chuckles)

(water babbling)

Gabby:
Finally reunited,

our heroines turn
Lobstrina's spell against her,

transferring her soul
into a lowly goldfish.

Lobstrina:
I'm a goldfish!

King Neptune!
How shall we punish the fiend?

Susie (in King Neptune voice):
Well...

What do
the best fins think?

Your Royal Highness,

we request she be sentenced

to years of the thing
she hates the most:

power chords!

(electric guitars strumming)

Susie (in King Neptune voice):
A wise request indeed.

Take her away!

Lobstrina:
Nooooo!

Gabby: And that's what
happens when best fins forever

work together!

Iris‐Maeve:
Cut!

You girls are so
wonderful together.

[♪]

I did, uh, notice you used
Lobstrina's given name.

That was a pretty deep cut.

Thank you for the compliment.

I must admit that
your pronunciation

of the Dolphinian
battle cry was...

almost as good as mine.

Well, we should clean up
your, uh...

What is this? Your trophy room?

Susie: I wouldn't
call it my trophy room.

They all belong to
my little brother, Caleb.

He gets perfect grades
without even trying.

The best at every sport.

He's also really funny.
I hate it.

Yeah. My sister's the same way.

Hey, after we finish
cleaning up,

you maybe wanna
come over to my house

and try on some limited edition
Ichthynia flippers

that don't fit me anymore?

[♪]

(crunches)

Bro: Knock, knock!
Oh, who's there?

Oh, a couple of cold bevvies
for my angels, that's who.

Ooh!

I would like a cold bevvie.
Thank you, Bro.

Bro:
Enjoy!

Is it weird I can't remember
life before the Bro?

And I don't want to ever again?

Bro:
Stay chill, my dudes!

Now if you'll excuse me,

I'm gonna go negotiate
a bodacious new interest rate

on your credit card bill!

Don't either of you
move a muscle!

Ha! Did you hear that, Jeremy?

The Bro thinks I'm chill!
(laughs)

I'm low‐key
in love with that triangle.

- Mmm. Aah!
- (glasses clink)

Mmm. Aah!

Bro: Now that I've distracted
them with cold bevvies,

it's time to obliterate
this Orb

and claim this gnarly
three‐bedroom,

two‐and‐a‐half‐bath
kingdom as my own.

Initiate maniacal laughter.

Mu‐ha‐ha‐ha! Mu‐ha‐ha‐ha!

Mu‐ha‐ha‐ha‐ha!

"The Best Fins Forever Meet
Susie 'Dolphin Lover' Glover"?

I can't believe you wrote
yourself into your own fan fiction!

I can't believe
I made it public!

Clearly, my ‐year‐old brain

hadn't yet reached
its full potential.

Seriously, we should've included
that with our contest submission.

(gasps) I just remembered!

I drew the characters
when I was younger,

but my mermaids
looked like pigeons.

My mom probably still has them
in her sappy memory box.

You know, I never
thought I'd say this,

but I'm having a really good
time hanging out with you,

Susie Glover, Dolphin Lover.

(giggles softly)

(computer chimes)

Susie:
Miss Know‐it‐All?

What? "I still can't believe
I have to work with Susie

and her weird burp‐yawns."

I was just swallowing air!

"She says she's just
swallowing air, but she's not.

What does she eat for lunch?"

How dare she?

Bro:
Prepare to die, Orb amigo!

Hey, Bro.

I'm a little worried about my
bevvie‐to‐ice cube ratio here.

What are you doing?

Bro: Looks like you
caught me, my dude.

I was just about to annihilate
this totally harsh Orb.

But we need it!

Bro:
Naaaaaaawwww.

I can do everything
the Orb can do,

plus, I'm ridonkulously
chill.

That's a sick point.

- Bye, Orb!
- (Bro whirring)

Ooh! What on Earth
are you doing?

We're annihilating this
totally harsh Orb.

The Bro can do
everything it can,

plus, he's ridonkulously chill.

Oh, you do make a sick point.
(chuckles)

Bro: Just imagine,
the three of us together

playing air guitar,

enjoying bodacious
low interest rates,

noshing beef taquits
every day.

Um, well... (chuckles)
Not beef taquitos every day.

One needs a little variety.

Uh, I myself am fond of
black bean and cheese.

Bro: No‐n‐n‐no way,
brosefini. Beef only.

My radicalness is
fueled by protein!

Beans are actually a wonderful
source of protein.

And‐and honestly,
your loyalty to beef

seems very random and arbitrary

for such a sophisticated
piece of technology.

Bro (in evil voice):
Beef is the optimal taquito.

Beans and cheese
are majorly bogus!

(whirring, g*ns cocking)

I guess this is why you
don't buy a knock‐off Orb.

Never mind, these are awesome.

- Ahead of their time, really.
- Care to explain this?

Oh.

That was before you and I...
you know...

Became on friendly terms?

You mean friends?

See? You can't even admit

that you're friends
with a "know‐it‐all."

But that's okay, because
I would never be friends

with a self‐absorbed
principal's pet.

(gasps)

I was just pretending that
story you wrote was funny.

It was actually embarrassing.

What about those drawings?

Are you sure you didn't
draw them when you were one?

The books weren't out then!

You know what? I don't even
think you made a good Ichthynia,

but you would have made
a great Lobstrina.

This is over.

We are not friends, and I
never want to see you again!

Fine! Great! I never
want to see you again!

(phones chiming)

- Oh, my gosh.
- We won the contest.

[♪]

(both gasping)

Amelia will be in
with you shortly.

And on a personal note,

can I just say I loved
your friendship video?

Both:
Thanks. It was my idea.

Humph.

Don't break anything.

I've been waiting my whole life
to meet this woman,

and will not let you mess it up!

I've been waiting my whole life
to meet her,

and I won't let you mess it up!

[♪]

Ladies.

Fantastic.

So...

You finally get to meet

the one and only
Amelia H. M. F. Barsten.

You must be thrilled.

We are.

(softly):
This is amazing.

I hate that I have
to share it with you.

You don't mind if we film this
for the fan channel, I presume?

Not at all!

(softly):
I also find it amazing.

But my hatred of
sharing it with you

- is even more intense!
- Amelia: Ahem!

I can hear everything
you're saying, ladies.

Not the words,
but the emotional content.

(both sigh)

Best fins like you
are my inspiration

as a writer.

You honor us with the purity
of your friendship,

so I would like to honor you

with a special treat.

(footsteps approaching)

(angelic choir singing)

A sneak peek at
the first chapter

of my next book.

(both gasping)

Deedee, let's leave them alone
to share this...

sacred moment.

(both giggling)

(whimpering)

I should read it first.

We used my camera
to make the video,

which made the whole thing a
Gabby Studios production, by the way.

But we sh*t it at my house!

Plus, we had to open
all of the windows

to air out the smell from
your sweaty sneakers!

We both know that smell
was from your yawny burps!

Your selfishness is
ruining this for me!

Yeah, well, pretending to be
your friend on camera

is ruining my reputation!

(gasps)

(shrieks, pants)

- (clattering)
- (gasps)

(sighs) I see the
wigs have come off.

You were pretending
to be friends.

The sneak preview was for
best fins, not best frauds.

You can read this alone,
in your respective bedrooms...

when I officially
release it in three years.

- Assuming all your tricks and lies...
- Grab it!

(gasping)

Get them!

Guards!

[♪]

(doors rattling)

Oh, I can't believe you're
really going to vaporize us

just because we didn't want to
eat exclusively beef taquitos!

We just want variety, Bro!

This seems like extremely
erratic behavior!

Bro:
Sorry, amigos.

I was made out of spare parts

in a junk factory
on a trash planet.

If you wanted logic
or consistency,

- you should've got an Orb.
- Wait!

Before we proceed,
may I ask you a question?

Bro:
Oh, abso‐mundo.

Do you...
still think I'm chill?

Bro: I'm sorry to say that
your supposed chillness

was a lie on my part.

Then please make my death
a quick one.

Bro: Sorry again, my dude.
This zapper takes forever.

(energy surging)

- (exploding)
- Aah!

(powering down)

- (bangs)
- Orb: Update complete.

Oh! Ha ha!
Orb, thank goodness!

W‐we were just talking about

how we would never betray you,

and we love you so much!

Yes. Thank you,
um, your honor.

Orb: Would you like a
tutorial on my new features?

Orb version . .
includes several...

- Boo!
- Why can't you be a fun hang?

Both:
Ugh...

Orb:
Heavy sigh.

(doors rattling)

Come on, come on.
Mama needs closure!

Are you reading
what I'm reading?

I need to lie down.

Lobstrina... is dead.

Just like that.
I can't believe it.

- (book closes)
- (whimpers)

What's gonna happen
to her , eggs?

(whimpers)

Sorry, can you come back later?

We really need to process this.

You lied to me,
stole my personal property,

and made my sons
chase you around my house.

Well, I only have
one question for you girls.

Did you like the chapter?

Well, actually, we did not.

Oh, really? Please expand.
I am but a meager sponge.

I just... There's no way
Dasania would k*ll Lobstrina.

Perform some super sick

underwater martial arts
moves on her? Sure.

But push her into
an infinity sludge pit?

I don't buy it.

Just because someone is evil,

or annoying,

or a bit of a know‐it‐all,

doesn't mean they should die.

Sometimes there's more
good in a person,

or a lobster queen,
than you think.

You just have to look harder.

Sometimes, really, really hard.

Did you have to add
that second really?

Yeah. I did.

That was so beautiful.

Does that mean you're
gonna rewrite it?

No. Now get off my property.

Oh.

I can't believe you're
taking that down

just when I finally
figured out what it means.

I have to. Looking at it
only reminds me

of how I was betrayed.

What, by Susie?

No, by Amelia H. M. F. Barsten.

"Best Fins Forever"
jumped the shark,

but even worse,

Amelia couldn't handle
constructive criticism

about her mermaid books.

Oh, sure.
But when I do it...

- Susie.
- Gabby.

A, uh, certain fan of
our friendship adventures

is in suspense
after our falling‐out.

(clears throat)

I need some closure.

Look at it this way: "Best
Fins Forever" wasn't forever.

But you and I will always have the
memory of our high‐speed pursuit

by weird nautical guys.

You mean her sons?

What's that about?

I heard one of them
call her "Mumsy Dearest."

Maybe we should go back. Help
them escape from her evil clutches.

- (laughs)
- (bell rings)

We should get to class.
Uh, not we.

You and I. Separately.

Yes, I suppose we...
you and I... should.

(sighs)

[♪]

Eee eee eee eee!

Eeeeeeeeeeee!

[♪]

Jeremy: Next time on "Gabby
Duran and the Unsittables"...

Wesley: I can't believe
you drove to school

on Fume Free Friday.

Sending you a link
to "Burst My Bubble."

It's a news site about
the most important things

going on in the world
right now.

The Earth is on fire,
and we've gotta fix it.

Someone's gotta do something.

And since we're the ones
with alien knowledge,

it should probably be us.

- (shattering)
- (all screaming)

Man:
Gorgeous.