03x09 - The Lady and the Vamp - The Walking Head Cold

Episode Transcripts for the TV show "Inspector Gadget". Aired January 2015 - May 2018.*
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When Dr. Claw returns, Inspector Gadget is brought out of retirement to defeat him again, now with Penny and Brain's open participation.
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03x09 - The Lady and the Vamp - The Walking Head Cold

Post by bunniefuu »

[siren wailing]

♪ Inspector Gadget, Inspector Gadget ♪

♪ Inspector Gadget, Inspector Gadget ♪

♪ Go, go, Gadget, go ♪

♪ Go, go, Gadget, go ♪

♪ Go, go, Gadget, go ♪

♪ Go, go get 'em Gadget! ♪

♪ Inspector Gadget, Inspector Gadget ♪

♪ Go, go, Gadget, go ♪

♪ Go, go get 'em Gadget ♪

♪ Inspector Gadget ♪

Stay back, you breathtaking beast.

I can't. My hunger is too strong.

But I'd suck my own blood
before hurting you.

Because... love!

[sighs] Dracula is so romantic!

I mean, I'm watching this
predictable tripe for, uh, research?

- [groans]
- [giggles]

Spilled popcorn? Allow me.
Go go Gadget Cushion Grabbers!

[whirring]

- Chief Quimby!
- Gadget.

This is no time for sitting around.
You have a mission.

We have reason to believe
MAD is headed to Transylvania.


Transylvania? I've always dreamed
of buying a vacation home there.

Dr. Claw is searching
for the secret of immortality


rumored to be hidden in Dracula's tomb.

If he finds it,
MAD will operate... forever.


Your mission... find the tomb and stop MAD.

This message will self-destruct.

Vampires!

I mean, this will be important
for that vampire research

I mentioned earlier. [chuckles]

Well, get to it, Gadget.

- Were you paying attention?
- On it, Chief.

To Transylvania,
to find the secret of immortality,

which is obviously
a figurative way of saying:

"Making unforgettable memories
at a new vacation home."

[beeps]

[groans]

No. I don't want your blood.

- All I want is... your heart!
- [gags]

I have so many feels right now.

I thought vampires were supposed
to suck blood, not just plain suck.

- It sucks just fine!
- [purrs]

Besides, it's research
for MAD's newest plan! [clears throat]

- Uh, you know vampires aren't real.
- Vampires are real.

They live forever, and so does their love!

Once I have the secret
of their immortality,

I'll outlive all my foes.

Now go and bring me eternal life!

Ugh! Now I know vampires aren't real.

'Cause if something could live forever,
they'd find time to clean.

- [thunderclap]
- [screams]

Why have you come, little boy?

[stammers] Who are you?

I am the Countess Disembowlstein,

protector of Dracula's tomb.

[gasps] And you must be... lunch!

Yeah? Then eat this!

Huh?

- [screams]
- [doorbell rings]

[chuckles] Popular lady.

So I'll just be going.

You will be going... down!

[screams]

Eat carefully, Night Terror.

Uh, what's a Night Terror?

Wait and find out. [laughs]

[growling]

[doorbell rings]

- [lightning crashes]
- [screams]

This place gives me the shivers.

Yes, shivers... of excitement!

I only hope this vacation home's
got a hot tub to soak them away.

Brain, don't be so eager.

If she knows we're interested,
she'll jack up the price.

- Hello, you must be...?
- Countess Disembowlstein.

Countess must be Transylvanian
for real estate agent.

Hello, Real Estate Agent Disembowlofsoup!

Disembowlstein!

[whimpering]

What brings you here?

We're just an unconventional family

who may be in the market
for a vacation rental.

Of course, come in and stay alive.

Stay forever.

If the price is right.

- See, Brain? That's how you bargain.
- [whimpers]

Okay, let's talk business.

Who was the previous tenant?

The previous tenant was the undying evil,
Count Dracula!

And did he install a hot tub?

Hold your questions until your end.

I mean... [clears throat]

The end of the tour
of your final resting place.

I could finally get some rest
in this place.

Good selling point.

Brain, you keep an eye on Uncle Gadget.
I'm gonna find the tomb.

[groans]

- [man crying]
- What is that?

- [man crying]
- It's coming from right... under me.

- [gasps] Talon?
- Huh?

If MAD wanted to find Dracula's Tomb,

they should've sent MAD Cat,
not scaredy-cat!

Scared? Hah! Me?

You're the one scared
of being trapped in this dungeon.

Except I'm not trapped
in the dungeon... [screams]

[grunts]

- [groans] Thanks a lot!
- [growling]

[stammers] What was that?

The Countess said it's the "Night Terror".

I don't know what that is,
but I'm gonna go out on a limb

and assume it's the worst thing ever!

I'm outta here,
and totally not 'cause I'm scared.

Me, too! Same non-reason.

I want to show you a room
that will make your head roll.

Wowzers!

You didn't tell me this vacation home
has its own gym.

[shrieks]

And a massage table?

This will definitely help
with my stiff neck.

Yes! You won't feel your neck at all.

Because you will be a stiff.

- [shrieks]
- And it doubles as a bench press?

You're right, Brain,
I'm getting overexcited.

The gym's adequate,
but I'm still not sold. On with the tour.

I... ouch! Can't see... ouch!

...a thing! Ouch!

- I can, and the view is great!
- Ouch!

Yeah? Keep laughing.

I want the Night Terror to home in on it.

- [gasps]
- [growls]

Scared?

No, but you're about to be.

And for the record,
I'm not running in terror.

I just need some cardio.

[shrieks]

I need cardio too!

Prepare to be severed...
I mean, served.

[whimpers]

Pointing out the place's flaws.

- Good thinking, Brain!
- [groans]

This dining room could use a lot of work.

Go go Gadget Carpentry Set!

[gasps]

[grunts]

No more fun and games.

You're right. We should get down
to business soon!

Huh?

[Talon] Last one to Dracula's tomb
is a hot meal for the Night Terror!

A spineless wuss like you's
never gonna b*at me to...

Dracula!

[growls]

[Talon] The Night Terror!

[both] Not scared!

Finally, the hot tub!

Wowzers! It sure is roomy!

[growls]

- [whimpers]
- Lunch is served, Dracula, my love!

[grunts]

[screams]

- [growls]
- You know, Pen, fair is fair.

You did b*at me to the tomb
so you should... get eaten first!

You chicken!

Better to be a chicken
than get eaten like one.

[grunts]

[gasps, screams]

[sighs]

- It's just a statue.
- [growling]

But that isn't!

[screams]

- [panting]
- Aww. Wait, Night Terror's a dog?

You were afraid of a little-wittie doggy?

Hey! I wasn't scared. I'm just allergic.

Ah-choo! Ah-choo!

I'm not afraid of anything, Penny.

- Especially not...
- [Countess screams]

[grunts]

[stammers] Vampires!

[shrieks]

Uncle Gadget?

[grunts] This room
will be the last thing you will see!

I couldn't agree more. I've seen enough.

And we'll take the place.

Go go Gadget Checkbook!

Who has awoken me? [coughs]

Wait. So vampires are real real?

And not nearly as hunky
as pop culture has led me to believe.

Young girly,
I was quite a looker in my day.

- [hisses]
- [shrieking]

Previous Tenant Dracula still lives here?

I have a no roommate policy,
Real Estate Agent Dismeowcatthundersounds.

Looks like we'll have
to find a vacation home elsewhere.

Go go Gadget Real Estate Guide!

Nice work, Gadget.

MAD won't dare return
to Dracula's castle again.

And neither will we. It's too bad.

Real Estate Agent Disembowlstein
was so bad at her job.

I believe that's Disembowlsteen.

[thunderclap]

But no matter.

How about we celebrate

with a showing of
Dracutela III - Two Fangs, One Heart?

On me.

I've had enough of vampires for a while.

Besides, there's a new werewolf series
with this super cute...

Uh, for research, Brain.

[clears throat] For research.

No vampires. No vampires.

Exactly.

Who needs to watch vampire movies
when I've got something better...

- watching Talon cower!
- [whimpering]

- Oh, this is so good.
- [snickers]

[laughing]

[wolf howling]

Oh, I am so sorry I allowed those fools
to disturb your slumber, my love.

You need your sleep,
you beautiful vampire.

At least they didn't discover
the secret to our immortality.

Beet juice!

[Dracula laughing]

[Dr. Claw] I'm sick of being foiled by HQ.

- It's time to foil HQ... with sick!
- [whimpers]

You're destroying HQ
with a tiny amount of liquid? Brilliant.

Fool! It's a weaponized
Head Cold Zombie Virus.

It will transform the HQ agents
into mindless snotbags.

Speaking of snotbags,
what's with MAD Cat?

[whimpers]

She looks slightly more disgusting
than usual.

I let her incubate the super-virus,

in her nose.

Glad you're finally putting
that evil medical degree to use.

Yes.

Soon everyone, and especially Mother,

will see I'm the most evil
health professional in the world.

[sneezes]

Gesundheit.

Now go to HQ, release the virus,
and turn those mindless zombies

into even more mindless zombies.

Whoa! Um, shouldn't I take
some precautions? A hazmat suit?

Ah, you'll be fine.
Trust me, I'm a doctor.

[cackling]

Uh, Brain, that's Pain-Power-Piquant
Pepper Paste.

It registers two million
on the Ouchy Tongue scale.

- [groans]
- [bell clanging]

[clears throat]

- [whimpers]
- Stop being stubborn.

- Wash it down.
- [Gadget] Penny!

- [whimpers]
- You know better than to share drinks,

especially with germ-ridden dogs
like Brain.

[grumbles]

It's cold and flu season,
and everyone needs to be on their guard.

Go go Gadget Homespun Disinfectant.

[shrieks]

Now that the table's
officially germ free, what's for lunch?

[Quimby, high-pitched]
A serious helping of mission.

Hiya, Lunch Lady Deloris!

[in normal voice]
Gadget, it's me. Chief Quimby.

Deloris called in sick.

I'm taking her place
until her replacement arrives.

We believe MAD has developed
a virus that causes congestion,


brain fog, and acute zombification.

Our intel indicates
it spreads like the common cold.


Your mission, sterilize MAD's plan
before it contaminates us all.


This message will self-destruct.

That's horrible... and gross.
Like really, really horribly gross.

Not to worry, Chief.
I know every home remedy in the book,

specifically this book...
Ol' Aunt Gadget's Ye Olde Home Remedies!

No sneeze, sniffle, snort, or hork
can stop Inspector Gadget

from keeping HQ as healthy as I am.

We might need something
a little more modern

when it comes to biological warfare,
Uncle Gadget.

Nonsense, Penny.

Every cure we need
from dog pox to bicycle face

is in Ol' Auntie Gadget's book.

That may be,

but why don't you go
to Von Slicksten's lab

for a virus briefing.

On it, Chief.

Oops, almost forgot.
Go go Gadget Wet Wipe!

Don't worry, Chief, it can't hurt you now.

- It's germ free.
- [beeps]


[groans]

So, how do you want me
to get this virus into HQ?

The vents? The water supply?
The mailbox?

[Dr. Claw] Infect yourself
and start licking.

Gross! I am not doing that.

MAD Cat would.

If you can come up
with a better way, do it, but do it now!


HQ's lunch lady.

[chuckling]

[muffled screams]

Today's lunch special
is the end of the world

with a side of zombification.

Ah, why bother with all this
scientific jumbo-mumbo?

Ol' Auntie Gadget's remedies
are proven to work.

I've been wearing
her anti-pox pendant for years

and have never caught the Black Death.
Not even once!

That's actually thanks
to the cutting edge technology,

and scientists like me.

Discovering a viral vaccine has been
a dream of mine since I was a little girl.

To think,
I could be just like Marie Curie.

You know she constantly suffered
from severe radiation poisoning?

Science!

According to Ol' Auntie Gadget,

the best cure for any cold-like virus
is orange juice,

chicken soup and hopping on one foot
with your eyes closed

while reciting the alphabet
with a dog on your head!

- [whimpers]
- A, B... see?

I'm healthy as a horse.

- [thuds]
- [glass shatters]

It's fine, Penny.

I'm so close to a cure,
I don't need half this kit.

'Cause I'm pretty sure
the last ingredient is...

- [feedback squeal]
- [high-pitched] Attention all agents!

We are now serving burritos
in the lunch room! [chuckles]

[normal voice] That'll serve 'em!
[high-pitched] I mean...

I will serve them.

Meaning, the burritos,
because I am the lunch lady.

[cackles] Burritos!

No!

- They might not leave any for me.
- But professor, the cure!

Burritos!

- [groans]
- Ha!

- I've never felt... better.
- [thuds]

Brain, stay with Uncle Gadget

and get ready to start
the HQ lockdown sequence

in case MAD breaks in.

I'm gonna get Von Slick back here
and find out what the last ingredient is.

[whimpers]

Burritos! Come and get 'em!

Extra hot, with a side of cold.

- [Von Slickstein] Do not eat that!
- [gasps]

I call dibsies on this one. [chuckles]

- [sneezes]
- [sneezes]

Yes!

[sneezes]

- [growls]
- And they call me the sicko. Ha!

- [shrieks]
- Talon.

I knew something was making me ill.

Well, you're about to feel a lot worse.

- [growls]
- [gasps]

[computer voice]
Lockdown button accessed.

You know what ol' Auntie Gadget said.

To get rid of the dizzies,
dance with your eyes closed.

- [thuds]
- [glass shatters]

Huh?

[gasps]

[muffled screams]

[growls]

Time to jet!

Ow! [groans]

Ouch!

[growls]

I know you all want a piece of me,
but this is ridiculous.

And gross. [grunts]

- [grunts]
- [screams]

[grunts]

Gee, Penny. I didn't know you cared.

Save it. I only spared you
so there'd be one less zombie.

[chuckles] Admit it, you couldn't stand
to see this face turn into... that.

- [growls]
- [shrieks]

[grunts]

I need to get back to the lab
and find the last ingredient for the cure!

Ooh! Maybe it'll be published
in an academic journal.

Whatever, nerd! Just unlock the door!

Don't be green with envy, Penny.

You'll be a viral sensation. [laughs]

- Get it?
- [grunts]

[Gadget] Wowzers!

I warned them
it was cold and flu season.

- There's only one thing left to do.
- [grunts]

Bust out some of Ol' Auntie Gadget's
home remedies and let our patients in.

- [whimpers]
- [banging on door]

[barking]

[whimpers]

Okay, Brain.
If you insist, you can be my nurse.

Gadget's Homespun
Cold and Flu Clinic is open.

What ails you?

[growls]

Go go Gadget Examination Table.

Wowzers! You sound terrible.

Let's take a look.
Go go Gadget Tongue Depressor.

Hmm, your mouth looks
exactly what I imagined

the inside of a ceiling would look like.

- [growls]
- [whimpers]

- I'm stuck in HQ. It's on lockdown.
- [Dr. Claw] That's terrible!

I know! Save me!

Save you? No! Figure a way out!

Then infect yourself and spread the germs.

- [screams]
- [screams]

Ow! Ugh, you're running the wrong way!

How silly of me. After you.

[shrieks] Okay.
Show me how to get out of here.

Yeah, right. No one's getting out
until I find the cure.

[screams]

- [growls]
- Hate to leave you in the cold!

- What do you think you're doing?
- [screams]

[shudders] I don't know what's worse,
zombie germs or yours!

[growling]

Well, I think I've seen enough.

Wowzers! All these agents
are under the weather?

It's an epidemic!

- [whimpers]
- No, Brain.

It's my duty as a self-certified
health care worker

to treat everyone, no matter how ill.

Go go Gadget Stethoscope!

Welcome to my clinic,
Penny and Penny's friend.

Are you feeling sick too?

Distract the zombies.
I'm gonna find the cure.

[growls]

It's no use.

The last ingredient could be anything.
I feel sick.

In that case, I'm gone. Toodles!

[shrieks] There's gotta be a way.

[Gadget] Don't worry, Penny's friend.

Ol' Auntie Gadget's already got
the best cure for a cold.

Orange juice, chicken soup,

and hopping on one foot
with your eyes closed

while reciting the alphabet

- with a dog on your head.
- [whimpers]

Let me show you how it's done.
A-B-C-D-E-F-G...

[grumbles]

Science triumphs once again...

[sighs]

The vitamin C in the oranges
and the amino acids from the chicken stock

must fight off the virus.

Ol' Auntie Gadget's homespun cures work.

And I have just the way
to spread it around.

[grunts]

You know what they say...
starve a fever, feed a zombie.

Uh-oh!

I'm sick of this scene!

You saved the day again, Gadget.

It's what healthcare providers do, Chief.

[sighs]

[Dr. Claw] You've failed me again, Talon.

Time to take your medicine.

Next time, Gadget! Next...!

[screaming and moaning]
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