03x06 - Halloween

Episode transcripts for the TV show "8 Simple Rules". Aired: September 17, 2002 - April 15, 2005.*
Watch/Buy Amazon


Series follows middle-class parents Paul and Cate, raising their three children Bridget, Kerry and Rory Hennessy.
Post Reply

03x06 - Halloween

Post by bunniefuu »

Hi, Guys.

Hi, honey.

What in god's name
are you wearing?

Oh, I'm putting together my
costume for the Halloween dance.

Oh, so you're going
as a stripper?

No.

I'm a catholic-school girl.

Oh...

Who strips.

You guys, no one is gonna think
I look like a stripper, okay?

Hey, look,
it's misty,

getting ready for her third and
final dance on the main stage.

Hey.

So, C.J., what are you
going as for Halloween?

You know what?
I don't do Halloween.

It's not that cool.

Really? But Halloween's
everything you love --

pagan rituals, devil worship,
and fudge.

Just drop it --
how about that?

So, mom, how come C.J.
doesn't like Halloween?

Rory,
it's private and painful,

and he really doesn't
want to talk about it.

I think
we should respect that.

Thank you, yeah.

I'm sorry,
it's just so damn funny.

It's not that funny
to me.

- Come on --

quit being such a baby.

It was , and C.J. went
to his first Halloween dance.

Hey... spooky kabuki.

Well, well, well, I must be
an English hunting dog

'cause I
just spotted a fox.

Ooh.

Hey, check it out.
It's the village people!

All I wanted to be
was a dancing cowboy...

...but they had to go
and make it gay.

Oh, my god, how does
a slut like Jenny Jenkins

even get a guy like Pete?

I mean, look at him --

he's like a work of art.

He's like that famous statue,
"the Dave."

Bridget...

Okay, see ya.

We really have to start
the student council meeting.

Can't you start
without me, Max?

No -- because
by some cruel twist of fate,

I am the vice president,
not the president,

and, according to the by-laws,
we can't start without you...

The president.

Did you see that?
He just looked at me.

Yes, he, too, can't believe
you were elected. Let's go.

Good morning,
council people.

Sorry I'm late.

Yes, we were very busy

trying to figure out
if Pete gave us a look.

Oh, he did.
Don't worry.

All right, so I know we are here
to plan the Halloween dance.

Now, I have given this
a lot of thought.

Picture this --

a sunken pirate ship at
the bottom of an evil sea...

Rivers of blood...
Skeletons...

Sword fighting
with legions of soulless men.

Our budget is $ .

Oh, okay. Then
orange and black balloons.

Moving on...

Before we move on,
one little suggestion.

Yeah, it might not be as spooky
as orange and black balloons,

but considering
our budget --

oh, sorry --
official business.

Hello?
Did you just see that?

Did you see
what he was wearing?

Did you see
what she was wearing?

Did you see
what I was wearing?

Okay, so where were we?

Well, Max and I have an idea
about the Halloween dance.

Oh, that reminds me --
I have this great idea.

It is gonna blow you away.

Sorry, one second.

Hello?

You did?
She did?

Did you see
what I was wearing?

Bridget. Hold on. What?

Well, you were gonna
tell us all something

that was gonna
blow us away.

Ooh, right, right, right.

Ashley saw Pete look at me
in the hall.

She thinks
it means something.

Tell me everything now.

I can't believe
she's president.

Oh, thank you.

I can't believe
you two are sisters.

Thank you.

Hey there, halloweenies.

Us? You're the one jumping
the g*n on the costume.

You're two days early.

Oh, it's no costume,
my friend.

I have been hired
as head of security

for the Halloween dance...

Although I did get this
at a costume shop.

Don knotts not available?

That's funny.
That's real fun.

You know,
I've worn the badge before.

You were a mall cop.

For three weeks.

Yeah,
three crime-free weeks.

So, my little friend,

rumor has it
there's a tradition

of freshmen
pulling pranks at the old dance.

Know anything about this?

No, I just know
that pranks are wrong --

dead wrong.

That's real mature,
grandpa. Good one.

Hey, it was the kid's idea.
He's got a devilish streak.

That better be the end of it.
Oh, I'm sure it is.

I think
he was just showing off

when I heard him talking
to his friends

about blowing up the
giant pumpkin at the dance.

Really?

So the hennessy boy's gonna try
to pull a prank on my watch?

Well, let's just say
this Halloween,

he's gonna be in
for a real...Treat.

I guess the little guy just
put 'em all over the house, huh?

No, that was me.
What's on TV?

Kerry, you are never
gonna believe what happened.

Your little
student-council friend, Max?

He's out to get me.
Bridget...

Today
after the council meeting,

that creep went to principal gibb and told
him I wasn't qualified to be president.

By "creep,"
I assume you mean sexy boy-toy.

Why are you here?

What are you doing
in my bathroom?

Trying on scrunchies.

Max and I are making
decorations for the dance.

How dare you go
to the principal about me!

Hey, he likes
to know what's going on,

and I'm fond
of telling him.

And if you don't start
treating this president thing

a little more seriously,
you're out, and I'm in.

Can you believe this?!

Well...

You agree with this?

Face it, Bridget, you care more
about boys and phone calls

than you do
about the dance.

Traitor
and traitor number two!

I have candy apples.

Max, out!

Oh, I was just leaving,

but only because I have
a clarinet lesson.

Candy apple?

Thank you,
Mrs. Hennessy.

I'll save it
till after my lesson.

It makes my Reed sticky.

So what's this all about?

These two don't think i'm
capable of being president.

She's not. She's an
unfocused scatterbrain.

S-scatterbrain?
Oh, you just wait.

You just wait
till Saturday night

when I throw the best Halloween
party this school has ever seen!

The dance is Friday night.

I know.

No, no, wait!

You, on the ladder,

point the orange light
towards the stage.

Pumpkin people,
I want him facing out.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

I asked for twice as many
severed limbs.

This is
all they sent us.

Well, cut them in half.

So, am I focused enough
for you Max,

or should we
call the principal?

I must say
it's pretty impressive.

Yeah, good luck
keeping that up.

Hey, hey, hey,
Pete.

Bite me, dweeb.

We're like brothers.

Yeah, like that's
gonna throw me off.

Uh, hey, Bridget.
Hi, Pete. Mmm.

Listen, um,

I don't know
what you're doing for the dance,

but i'm
going to be there alone.

Jenny and I broke up.

You did?!
I mean I'm so sorry.

Um, w-w-well, great.

Then I'll
probably see you there.

Well, like I said,
creepy friend and sister,

I have everything
under complete control --

oh!

Aah!

Ohh!

That light looks perfect now.

When you're ready to go, I can
give you a ride to the dance.

Mom, I have a problem.

What's wrong?

This really hot guy
likes me.

I hate it
when that happens.

It's just, I'm really trying
to focus on running this dance,

and I know he's
going to be there tonight,

and I know
it's going to mess me up.

Well, don't let it.

Just do your job, and then
deal with him on Monday.

No, I can't. He broke up
with slutty Jenny Jenkins,

and now he's available.

But Jenny told Alexia, who told
Haley, who told Ashley --

"nose job" Ashley,
not "pimple" Ashley --

who told me that
she really wants him back.

Really?

And when
did you hear all this?

During my algebra final.

The one
you got a "d" on?

That teacher is
so out to get me.

I just, I can't let
all this Pete stuff distract me.

Kerry and Max already think
I'm a complete scatterbrain.

Bridget...
When you wanna be,

you are the most focused
person in the world.

I've been shopping with you
the day after Thanksgiving.

You're like a laser --

you hit the shoes
and then the coats,

then you hit
the tops and the purses --

mom.

The coats come last

'cause you don't want
to drag 'em around all day,

and then you start
with purses and shoes

so you can
match them together.

You see what I'm saying?

Just look at tonight like
one giant trip to the mall,

except Pete is a coat --

he comes last.

Oh, but, mom, I'm cold.

So cold.

Pshhhhh!

Pshhhhhh.

Who are you
going to pepper-spray?


I think
the question is,

"who am I not
going to pepper spray?"


So, mom, what's
your costume going to be?

Well, since I have to be there
as the school nurse,

I thought I'd go
as Florence nightingale.

The mom from
"the Brady bunch"?

Yeah.

Hey, everybody, look --
it's the hamburglar.

I'm part of a chain g*ng.

I know, by day.

But at night,
you steal hamburgers.

Dad, are you going to
be okay here by yourself?

I'm going to put a big bowl
of candy out on the porch

with a note
that says "take one,"

and then I'm going to watch
"the great escape."

I prefer
"the dirty dozen."

That's a chick flick.

Not the one I rented.

Rory, let's go.
I don't want to be late.

Oh, I'll be right there.
Uh, I'll meet you there.

Well, now,
that's suspicious.

I'll say.

What is?

The bag.

Oh.

Why would a kid
take a bag to a dance?

Well, well, well.

Lookee here --
he gots himself a cherry b*mb.

Oh,
that little merry prankster

is going to try to blow up
the giant pumpkin.

When he gets down here,
he's so busted.

Now, wait, wait, wait.

If you really
want to teach him a lesson,

we'll catch him red-handed.

And then you
publicly humiliate him.

You know, that kind of thing
sticks with a kid forever.

Well, you know
how that is.

Well, I'm outta here.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

You're not going anywhere,
young man.

What do you mean?

Without your
little black bag.

Who smells bacon?

You do -- that's right, 'cause
Johnny law is in the house.

Idiot.

All right, I'm officer C.J.,
head of security.

It has come to my attention
that a student...Or students

or possibly a combination of the
two is planning a prank tonight.

So keep your eyes out for
anything out of the ordinary...

...especially anyone
in a disguise.

Suddenly,
having my mom here

isn't the most embarrassing
part of the night.

Hey, kerry! Hi!


Hey, it's going pretty well,
don't you think?

Yeah, except you've got
no one on the punch bowl.

Well, I'll just add it
to my list of duties.

Anything else, zero?

It's Zorro.

Yeah, really original,
by the way.

Hey, there.

Hey, Pete!
Love your costume!

Thanks.

This is, like,
the best dance we've ever had.

You know, I've been
getting a lot of that.

You wanna dance?
Oh, I would love to!

Um, no, sorry I can't.
I can't leave my post.

That's too bad.

Actually, Pete, wait.
You know what?

I can't dance out there,
but I can sure dance back here.

Ooh!

Oh, for crying out loud!

They're just starting
to dig the tunnel.

All: Trick or treat!

Didn't you read the sign?
The candy's in the bowl.

What bowl?

Well, it was right there.

Well,
it's not anymore.

What else you got?

I got half a movie to watch.
See ya.

That's not fair!

Don't get mad at me.

Your little cronies
didn't honor the honor system.

What's a crony?

I told you there's no candy!

You're gonna have to be
a lot faster than that

to catch
sergeant Jim egan.

All right,
that was pretty fast.

Oh, well, look at you!
Where are you going?

Gonna have
a glass of punch with Pete

because I've
got everything covered.

Well, not everything.

The fire marshal's here --

it's too many kids
and he's thinking about

shutting this thing down.

Fine, I'll go talk to him.

Jenny Jenkins!

What a slut!

Who goes out of the house
dressed like that?!

Word has it
she's here to get Pete back.

Quite the dilemma.

Take that, you little punks!

Teach you to mess with
a veteran of a foreign w*r.

w*r?
Korea was a police action.

Oh, now it's on!

You know, when I catch you,
you're going to need this.

Bridget, I just saw
the fire marshal.

Is there a problem?

Oh, some kids
were trying to sneak in,

but I got rid of 'em,
and everything's fine now.

You are just
handling everything.

It's great, honey.

You threw
a wonderful party,

and you were afraid that
you wouldn't be able to do it.

Well, I should feel good,
but I don't.

I lost Pete.

Oh, I'm sorry.

But, listen, there's
gonna be a thousand boys,

but tonight
is your victory.

I just wish
you could take it in.

You know what?
Maybe you're right.

Maybe this is the beginning
of a more serious Bridget,

you know, a Bridget who doesn't
get distracted by anything.

A Bridget
who could give a damn

if Pete went back
to Jenny Jenkins.

Pete didn't
go back to Jenny Jenkins.

She went home alone,
and he came back inside.

See ya!

Hey, where you going?

To do what I've wanted to do
all night long.

Five bucks to
get into a high school dance?

You'd think
Johnny Mathis was performing.

Dad,
what are you doing here?

Well, I got into
a little donnybrook

with a couple
of neighborhood kids.

They stole the candy
and threw eggs at me.

Oh, no. I'm sorry.

It's all right. I got one
of 'em tied up in the garage.

Kinda tough to see
in this fog, little man.

Need a light?

I've been waiting
to do this all night.

Oh, Bridget!

Oh, my god!
I had no idea!

Although,
I did kind of...Sense it.

What are you doing?
I thought you hated her!

Hey, hey,
lighten up, kerry.

Why do you always have to
be so mean to your sister?

What?

Oh, my god.
Kerry...

You're kissing him?

I broke up with Jenny
for you.

A very bad move.

Yep,
caught him red-handed.

Good work, C.J.

Now's your chance
to really teach him a lesson.

Oh, I'm way ahead
of you.

Keep him here
for a second.

Rory,
this is for your own good.

What's up, Detroit?!
Motor city!

All right,
I'll tell you what's up.

I'd like to announce that,
thanks to me,

the giant pumpkin is safe,
and this dance is prank-free.

You know, funk and wagnall's
defines "hero"..

Look!
It's the village people!

Hey. Hey!

Grandpa?

Yeah.

So, did you
have a good time?

I-it was interesting.

Oh, come on!

You've got to admit,
Bridget did a great job.

It wasn't the embarrassing,
disorganized train wreck

I'd hoped it would be.

Did you really
want her to fail?

More than anything.

Kerry,
she's your sister,

and no matter what
is happening out there,

in here, we're family.

And family sticks together.

I know, I know.

I guess I'm just tired of things
always working out for her

because she's Bridget.

You can't be mad at her
for being herself.

Can I be a little mad?

We're all a little mad.

Hey.

Hey.

Just so you know,

Max told me this is the
best dance he'd ever been to,

and that I showed great
leadership qualities,

and he's
coming here this weekend

to rake leaves
and wash the car.

You were right --

Max is a jerk
and so am I.

Oh, well, I wasn't
exactly perfect, either.

If it wasn't
for you pushing me,

I probably would have
screwed things up.

If it's any consolation,
I was punished.

I kissed Max.

Not good?

Have you ever had
a really bad piece of Sushi

you couldn't wait
to get out of your mouth?

Ewww.
Yeah, this was worse.

I actually feel bad
for his clarinet.

Bridge, I'm sorry.

I can't believe I went
against you, my own sister.

It's just...

It drives me nuts that
things always work out for you,

and, magically, you always
seem to get what you want.

No, not tonight.

I didn't get
what I wanted most -- Pete.

Well, the night's
not over yet.

And there he is,
right on schedule.

God, for one night
I would just love to be you.

But not tonight.

Come on, let's look.

Bridget!
Post Reply