03x18 - Freaky Friday

Episode transcripts for the TV show "8 Simple Rules". Aired: September 17, 2002 - April 15, 2005.*
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Series follows middle-class parents Paul and Cate, raising their three children Bridget, Kerry and Rory Hennessy.
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03x18 - Freaky Friday

Post by bunniefuu »

Gampy, what are you doing?

You're supposed to be
writing down korean w*r stories

to tell my history class.

Don't worry.
I got them all right up here.

Well, that's comforting.

Write them down.

That's a great idea, C.J. --

having grandpa speak
to your class

so you can impress
the school board.

School board?

Yeah.
Didn't you get the memo?

The school board is sending
representatives

to evaluate the faculty
and staff.

My job's on the line?

Writey downy.

No, no, no.
Don't answer that.

Why not?
Who is it?

It's dorky Dwayne macdougal.

Yeah, the guy who tortured me
in chemistry last semester.

Uh, I think you mean tutored.

Same thing.
Shh.

Uh, hi, Bridget. It's Dwayne.
Dwayne macdougal.

Well, not
Dwayne Dwayne macdougal --

Dwayne isn't my middle name,
too.

It's just Dwayne.

Good lord, son.
Keep it together.

I hope he's not calling about
that stupid promise I made.

Remember that promise
you made?

You said if I helped you
pass chemistry,

you'd go to the spring fling
dance with me.

So I guess we're going.

We'll work out the details
at school tomorrow.

Ciao for now!

"Ciao for now"?
I am not going with him.

Wait a minute, Bridget.

Did you promise that boy
you'd go to the dance with him?

Like six months ago.
Whatever.

Well, I don't care
when it was.

He helped you pass chemistry,
so you have to go.

You heard me.

They don't call him dorky
Dwayne macdougal for nothing!

Oh, she doesn't get it.

See, his name is Dwayne
macdougal, but he's dorky,

so they add that
onto his name.

Not that tricky.

You're going.

Oh, my god.
It's him again.

I forgot to tell you.

I upgraded my memory card
on my digital camera.

Now we can take pictures
of us --

or at low res!

Ciao for now!

I'm so ruined.

There's a chance some of them

might not end up
on the Internet.

No.
No. No.

I got a great one
for family movie night.

Oh, boy.

Oh, I love
family movie night.

What'd you get?
Action? Adventure? Horror?

"Freaky Friday."

The mother and daughter
switch places.

Horror.

You said "horror."

'Cause if you guys
switched...

I'd watch it.

Oh, now, come on, care bear.
It'll be fun.

It's lots of crazy girl stuff.

Oh, yeah, good times.

You know,
I think I'd better go down

and write my stories
for C.J.'s class.

I thought you said
you had them all right up here.

I did? Really?
When did I do that?

Who's president, anyway?

Well, where are you going?

Uh, I am gonna go help him
pick out an outfit

for tomorrow's class.

You know, something that says
"korean w*r,"

but is still kind of...
Hip?

Hi, mom.

Hey, Rory, get settled.

It is time for family mov--

what in the world is that?

Oh, it's will's hamster.

His mom said she was sick of
having a filthy rodent

stink up her house.

I'm gonna go show him
his new room.

Rory, you can't bring someone
else's unwanted vermin

into this house
without asking me.

You didn't ask us
when C.J. moved in.

I heard that!

Oh, my god. Oh, my god.
Oh, my god, Marissa!

Okay, I'll call you back.
Bye.

Mom, I just got off the phone
with Marissa.

I gathered that.

Justin Murphy just broke up
with Amber Mitchell.

So?

So Justin broke up
with Amber

so he could take me
to the dance.

You know how long
I've been waiting for this?

Three weeks, mom.
It was like an eternity!

Honey, you should have
thought about that

before you promised
the other boy.

How could I have done that?
It hadn't happened yet.

Look, it's just one dance.

The spring fling is, like,
the most important dance.

What about prom?

Okay.
Prom, then spring fling.

What about homecoming?

Prom, homecoming,
then spring fling.

Are you done
quizzing me now?

Look, Bridget, you promised.

I-I can't let you disappoint
this boy.

I know.
Kerry can go with macdougal.

What?
Yeah!

Even you're a step up
from the girls he usually dates.

He doesn't date.

Well, you're a step
in the right direction.

Come on. Like anyone else is
gonna ask you.

Mom!

Bridget, I am not budging
on this one.

Mom, you can't run
my entire life.

Yes, I can, and I just did.

I can't wait to see you
with Dwayne macdougal.

You know, I hear that he
slow-dances with his pillow.

Ciao for now!

I can't believe
you're doing this.

You have no idea what it's like
to be a teenager.

And you have no idea
what it's like to be a mother,

trying to teach your children
about commitment and compassion,

trying to teach them right
from wrong.

Wrong -- blah!

This is the worst day
of my whole life!

Well, what about
"freaky Friday"?

I don't need anyone to have
family movie night.

I'll just have family movie
night all by myself.

Why am I sleeping on the couch?

And why am I, like,
wearing mom's clothes?

And why do they fit?

Oh, my god. Oh, my god.
Oh, my god!

I'm my mother!

Mom!

I mean --

I mean, me!

Come on, Bridget, get up.
We're gonna be late for school!

Why am I in Bridget's bed?

Uh, 'cause you're Bridget.

No, it's me.
It's mom.

Oh, my god.
I'm in Bridget's body.

What is going on?
This cannot be happening.

Bridget, cut it out.

No, kerry, it's me!
It's mom!

Oh, please.
Are you drunk?

No, I'm n--
are you saying Bridget drinks?

If she does and you knew,
you are so grounded, missy.

What the...

What the hell am I doing
in C.J.'s cot?

Oh, good lord.
My back is gonna k*ll me.

My back feels great.

It's a miracle.

Hey, gampy,
keep it down, huh?

Oh, and what is wrong
with my back?

Aah!
Aah!

What's going on?

We switched bodies.

You've got my body.

And you have my body.
What's the dealio?

I got the hairy arms,
I got your knobby knees,

and I got your...

Don't hear you complaining now,
Sonny boy.

Oh, this is not good.
This is not good.

You're starting to scare me.
You're not mom.

Yes, I am, care bear.

Oh, really?
Then prove it.

The square root of nine
is three.

Mom?

Mom, what did you do?

I was watching "freaky Friday,"
and then I fell asleep.

And then I woke up
in your body.

And I woke up in your body.

Well, whatever's happening here,
it has to be temporary, right?

It'd better.

Justin Murphy will never
ask me out in this.

You better be talking about
the clothes.

Okay, if this is some elaborate
joke that I'm not in on --

shut it, you little pinhead!

Do not talk to your sister
that way.

I think I'm just gonna
go back to bed.

Well, how long am I
gonna be like this?

How did the movie end?

I don't remember.
I fell asleep.

You know I can't stay awake
when we start movies after : .

Well, what are we
gonna do, mom?

What are we gonna do?!
Oh!

Bridget, you need to
just calm down.

Okay, look, today is
my evaluation at school.

First thing we're gonna do
is get ready to go.

Are you high?

I'm not going to school
like this.

You are going to school,
young lady.

I might be in your body, but i'm
still in charge here, missy.

Then I'll just be
the world's suckiest nurse

and get you fired today.

Then I'll just make out
with dorky Dwayne macdougal

in front of the entire school.

You heard me.

This switch could be really fun
after all.

All right.
Truce.

That's what I thought.
I will prep you on the way.

Don't you need to wake up Rory?

I'm Bridget.
I'm mom.

Like I didn't have enough
to talk about in therapy.

Come on, Rory. Wake up!
It's time for school!

God, mom. How do you walk around
with these things?

Rory, wake up.

Mom, something's not right.

And my water's empty.

With this bag of bones
how doyou call a body?

It's all yours now, C.J.
you can keep it.

Whoo!
I feel fantastic!

I feel like a gymnast!

Well, knock it off.
We gots to get to school.

Oh, ho.
I'm not staying inside today.

I'm going out for once.

I'm playing golf, tennis.

Might even throw
the old medicine ball around.

Whoa, dog.
I'm a teacher.

The school board's expecting
that body --

me body --
to be in class today.

Hmm.
Tough dart, son.

This body's gonna be tap-dancing
down main street.

Hey, old man, if you don't
show up, I'm gonna lose my job.

Please, gampy,
help a player out.

All right.
I'll go to school with you.

Aw, dude, you rock!

You the man!

Race you up the stairs
to breakfast!

There's a total buzz k*ll.

Okay, Bridget,
just remember,

when the lady from
the school board gets here,

you have got to convince her
you're a qualified nurse.

Okay, mom.
God.

Would you get rid of the gum,
please?

Fine.

But if you're gonna be me,

you should unbutton a few
buttons and show some thong.

I wish I could stay
for this.

I am not doing any of that.

You're not walking around
like some sort of hussy.

Yeah, mom. You don't want to
ruin Bridget's bad reputation.

Well, at least I'm still
a virgin.

Mrs. Whitley!

I beg your pardon.

Um, I-I didn't expect you
so soon.

I mean,
neither did nurse hennessy.

Is that how you normally speak
to the students?

Don't wig out.
It's just a joke.

Well, everyone at the school
board enjoys a good virgin joke.

But talking to a student
that way is inappropriate.

Actually, you know, the kids --
I mean, we kids --

enjoy when she speaks
our language.

It's...the b*mb.

Da b*mb,
and nobody says that anymore.

Don't mind me.
Just go about your day.

I'm not here.

Well, you're in for
quite a treat.

Even though you're not here.

...because Mrs. Hennessy is
an excellent nurse,

very professional,
very by-the-book.

Oh, and, uh...

Well, I was, um...
I was just, uh,

like, giving her a checkup.

Ooh, right.
Um, okay.

Let's see here.

Oh, my god.
What's wrong?

Gross!

What is that thing
hanging back there?

She always quizzes me

ever since I told her
I wanted to be a nurse.

That thing is the uvula.

Way up here?

Yes.
Where it's supposed to be.

I think I've seen enough.

Don't you want to see me do
the arm-band thing

and the rubber pssh,
pssh, pssh?

What I would really like
is to speak to you alone.

Oh, alone?

But I think I should --

uh, run along to class.

Isn't she hot?

Wouldn't she make
a great model?

So tell me
about your training.

Oh, well, sure.

Uh, horseback riding,
tennis, or tap?

Nursing.

Oh.

Right.

Hey, Rory.

Um, I was just wondering

if you wanted to go to
the spring fling dance with me.

Never mind.

Get away from me!

Hey, Bridget.

Mrs. Hennes--
Bridget, yes, I am.

Yes. Hi.

And you are?

It's me -- Dwayne.

Macdougal.

Oh! Dwayne.

You're dorky dw--
Dwayne, hi.

So nice to see you.

I just wanted to know
if you got my messages.

Yes.
Yes, I did.

A-and I have every intention
of honoring my commitment

to go to the spring fling
with you.

Really?

Seriously?

Yes.

That is all I committed to,
isn't it?

Yeah.

Then it's a date.

Man, wait till I tell
the quantum physics club.

They're gonna go
critical mass!

Uh, Dwayne, Dwayne.

Um, I want to give you
a little tip about my sister.


She loves being kissed
in public.

Thanks.

So, nurse hennessy,
how did it go?

Do you still have a job?

I totally kicked butt.

She totally did.

I've never met a nurse who's
so connected to her students.

It's like she's one of them.

Duhr.

Delightful.

I'm giving nurse hennessy
a top rating.

You so owe me.

Oh, and thanks
for the makeup tips.

I can't believe this.
We are pulling this off.

I know, so relax.

Open up a few buttons.

Oh, stop.
I'm not opening buttons.

Nurse hennessy, please report
to the gym immediately.

It's about your son, Rory.

What did that little twerp
do now?

So what's wrong?

He won't get off
the treadmill.

For god's sake, son,ents
tuck your shirt in.

Chill, grandpa.

Well, his pants are hanging off
his hips.

Hey, I'm Mr. Barnes,
the cool teacher,

not crabby mcshirt Tucker.

Let's just get
the class started.

Fine.

Okay, class, as promised,

I have my...
Grandfather here

to tell you about
the korean w*r.

So without further ado,
w*r hero sergeant Jim egan.

Right, right. Uh, w*r.
The korean w*r.

Well, technically,
it was not even a w*r.

It was a police action.

You know, I remember once,
I was part of a police action.

Luckily, uh, before the police
could take action,

I threw the bag out the window.

Well, well.
Who's this vision of loveliness?

Agnes whitley.
School board, district .

I'm not here.

Well, someone's pulling
on my heartstrings.

Hey, dude, what's going on?
What are you doing?

She's beautiful.

I know she's a little young
for me, but hubba hubba.

Hey, grandpa,
keep it in my pants.

Listen,
you just keep talking.

I'm gonna get me a date
with an angel.

Uh, the point is,
w*r is a very serious matter.

This may not be the time
or the place.

But, uh,
I find you intoxicating.

Excuse me?

Mr. Barnes, you do understand
that I am here to evaluate you.

Well, perhaps you'd like to
evaluate me over dinner.

You wanted to see me,
Mrs. Hennessy?

Oh.
Hi, Justin.

Um, come on in.

Uh, so...

Have you asked anyone
to the spring fling yet?

N-no.

Well, then,
your choice is obvious.

You have to ask
the hottest girl in school.

Tiffany Jacobson?

What?
That slut?

Uh, I mean no.
Bridget hennessy.

But I thought Bridget was going
with macdorkal.

I have no idea why, but --

well, high school is full
of rumors.

And it's a big, fat lie
and so not happening.

Really?
Yeah.

In fact,
Bridget is totally into you.

She is?
Yeah.

She likes your hair and...
Your eyes and...

Your muscular arms.

She thinks you're
a total hottie.

First of all, Mr. Barnes,
I don't jitterbug.

And if I did,
it wouldn't be with you.

But I'm a great dancer.
I won a trophy in .

Lame.

And they way you look in your
basketball uniform and...

Well, you're so sweaty and...

Oh, what the hell?
Let's make out.

Mrs. Hennessy!
I will not make out with you!

Mrs. Hennessy!

What were you doing
with that young man?

Well, nothing,
thanks to you.

What?

I mean, look,
I-I know what this looks like,

but -- but it's really not
what it looks like.

I want the truth,
and I want it now.

All right.

You see,
I'm in my mom's body,

and my mom is in my body,
and -- and we switched.

I-I know it sounds
really weird.

Am I, like,
totally busted?

I'm going to need
a urine sample.

Kerry, where's your brother?

After you got him off the
treadmill, he scampered away.

When did he get so fast?

Bridget,
your mom is crazy.

Oh, what did she do?

I can't even talk about it.

Are we going to the dance
together or not?

And if we are,
you're picking me up.

There is no way I'm going
to your house.

Oh, good.
You're talking.

So, did you ask her yet?

Stay away from me.

What did you do?

Hey, baby.

I'll pick you up at :
on Friday.

What did you do?

Ew! God!

That's the first of many.

What are you doing?

I thought you were going
with me.

I thought you were going with me.
Which one is it?

What is that?

Rory hennessy.

He got up in the air ducts.
We can't get him down.

Have you seen Mrs. Whitley?

The hef here
practically jumped her.

You hit on Mrs. Whitley?

I'm your grandfather.
And how could I resist?

She looks like Ava gardner.

You guys switched, too?
Everyone switched but me?

Who's Ava gardner?

I called the school board.

You're all fired.

You can't fire me. I support this family.
Dude, that's harsh.

Mrs. Whitley,
that's so not fair!

You want to talk about fair?

I didn't get to switch
with anyone.

Catey, tell her
what a good dancer I am.

I lose my job,
I can't pay my rent.

You're keeping your promise, right?
I thought you're going with me.

Mom, I can't go to the dance
with dorky macdougal!

It's 'cause i'm
the middle child.

Back up, everybody.
Grandpa's gonna do a backflip.

Mom, how come I didn't get to
switch with anyone?

Mom? Mom? Mom!

Mom? Mom? Mom!

Leave me alone. Leave me alone!
This is too much!

Mom, are you okay?

Oh.

Yeah...i am.

I'm -- I'm me.

I'm -- I'm okay.
I...

Oh, I just had
the most bizarre dream.

You and I switched bodies.

A-and then grandpa switched
with C.J.

Oh, I'm just so glad
it was just a dream.

Rory?

I'm looking for the hamster.
He got out.

Well, who did I switch with?

No one.

Figures.

Gotcha.

You must be hungry.

I'll get you some food.

Listen, Bridget,

I forgot how weird and
complicated high school can be.

A-and you were right.

I can't tell you
how to live your life.

Look, mom, I've been thinking
about this whole Dwayne thing --

if you don't want to go out
with Dwayne, I-I don't like it.

But you were right.
It's your decision.

What? You're not making her go?
This is so warped.

I mean, the rules are always
bent for Bridget.

God, I hate my life!

Don't anybody talk to me!

Oh, it's so good to be back!

And the funny thing is she's mad
over nothing,

'cause I've decided to go
to the dance with Dwayne.

What?

Yeah, you were right.

A promise is a promise,
and I don't want to be mean.

Let's face it --
one date with this geek,

it'll probably make
his entire life.

Honey, that is so
the right thing to do.

You know,
that dream really threw me.

The really weird part
was that Rory switched places

with his hamster.

What?
Yeah.

And Rory did everything
the hamster does,

and the hamster did everything
Rory does.

Wow.
Yeah.

Oh, my god.
What is he doing?

I think he's hamsterbating.
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