03x12 - Nightmare Monkeys

[bunniefuu]

[Garfield] Your first mistake was k*lling my friend.

That was no mistake, human.

[Garfield] And there's your second mistake, Klamulon.

I suppose other species all look alike to you.

But I'm no human.

I am Lieutenant Tork of the planet Mars.

And you've never encountered anything like me before.

[roaring]

[both groan]

[both screaming]

[groans]

[trumpeting] [yelping]

[screaming]

[trumpets]

[gasps]

Ensign Valiant?

He's dead, Tom.

[beeping]

[bell ringing]

Stuff looks really good, Gar.

That single tear thing? Genius.

Eh. I've had practice.

[theme music playing]

Garfield. Paul. The dailies are spectacular.

I'm so pleased!

Thanks, Gretchen. Yeah, thanks.

[laughs] Everyone said I was a sentimental fool, but I knew pairing you two was the smart move.

You handled casting?

At Goode World Studios, Gretchen Goode handles everything.

I wanted ST Thirty-Sixteen to recapture that Hello, Megan! magic, and that's exactly what you two have done.

Hello, Megan! had magic? It only lasted one season.

Your mother's show was underappreciated, Garfield.

The chemistry, Paul, between you as Conner Manley and Marie Logan as Megan Wheeler was truly special.

Well, it may have been a silly '70s sitcom, but no one can deny we had a fantastic cast.

Lord and Stanyon, Rita Farr, me and Marie.

There was a lot of talent there.

And a lot of love.

And a lot of both here, as well.

It's like watching father and son trekking through space.

[laughs] Well, I am the kid's godfather.

I remember your christening like it was yesterday.

Rita and I stood up for you.

Just before Marie moved you both to Greater Bialya.

Qurac. Qurac. Of course.

And now you're following in Marie's footsteps.

Your mother--

Well, your mother and your godmother Rita would be very proud.

Yeah, I guess. Thanks, Ms. Goode.

Garfield, please. If you don't start calling me Gretchen, you'll make me cry. [chuckles] Noted, Gretchen.

Thank you. Gretchen, a word?

[chuckles] For the producer, manager, and stepfather of my favorite Martian?

As many words as you like, Steven.

Uh, just give me a moment.

Oh, now, Paul, as we were talking about that.

I just want to go over that one more time...

I don't think she's coming back, Mento.

Don't call me Mento.

Will you be at the house tonight?

No, Mento. I have a date.

Thank God. Oh, thank God.

Later, Harvey. Great work today.

Really? Wow! Thanks, Mr. Logan.

[seagulls cawing]

[Wolf snoring]

Okay, M'gann, we're all here. What happened?

I take it your first day at school was a bit atypical?

How would I know??

Maybe every day-- [Megan] I know.

It was very atypical.

And who is this?

Victor Stone is Victor Stone.

You guys really aren't freaked out by how I look?

You picked the right crowd. [Fred] Perhaps.

But is Victor Stone freaked out by how Forager looks?

[yelping]

Hmm. Apparently, Victor Stone is.

[stammering] No, no. I'm sorry.

You've been great. You just... caught me off guard.

Way off guard?

Way off guard.

[clears throat] Uh, still haven't heard what happened.

At school today, Violet Harper opened a Boomtube, as if Violet Harper was a Motherbox.

[all] What? [Violet] Mmm-hmm, it's true.

I didn't know I could do it until I did it.

Then it seemed, well, natural.

But even for a meta-human of your abilities, how is that possible?

Maybe I know.

When we were at Bedlam Central, I spotted a dissected Motherbox.

Of course. That must be the device Baron Bedlam gave to Doctor Ecks.

Simon tried to learn its secrets, but only succeeded in destroying it.

There was a burst of energy, then the machine went dead.

Not just dead. m*rder*d.

Motherboxes are living computers.

That burst of energy?

It was probably Motherbox's soul escaping.

[sighs] Hello, Megan!

Doctor Fate sensed an old soul in Halo's very young body.

And the first time I saw Halo, Vertigo's crew was burying her.

Bedlam wasn't in the business of ditching powerful meta-humans, so they must've legit thought she was dead.

Maybe Gabrielle Daou did die.

But the Motherbox's soul-energy, or whatever you wanna call it, merged with Gabrielle's body and resurrected it as...

As me. I told you I wasn't Gabrielle.

You did. Over and over.

I'm sorry I didn't understand.

The trauma must've wiped their combined minds clean.

She'd get flashes of Gabrielle's residual memories, flashes of the Motherbox's knowledge...

Everything else she'd have to learn anew.

It doesn't upset you that Gabrielle is dead?

Strangely, no.

I suppose it's because you are the only you I've ever known.

[chuckles] Besides, I have grown accustomed to such strangeness.

Yeah, well, newbie to strangeness here.

What does all this have to do with me?

[Perdita] Oh, I'm so sorry I'm running late, Gar.

The trade conference was endless.

No worries, Perdita. The club will still be there.

[Perdita] Oh, you're a doll. I'll be right out.

Looking like a princess, I'll bet.

[sighs] Or a queen.

Hey, Goode Goggles. They as cool as everyone says?

[Perdita] I only just received them as a gift.

I haven't even tried them yet.

Mind if I check 'em out, Your Majesty?

[Perdita] You are not allowed to call me that, or it's off with your head. [chuckles]

Oh, big talk. The goggles?

[Perdita] Be my guest. Cool. Thanks.

[Goode Goggles beeping]

Space Trek? Hey, maybe I can play myself.

More Klamulons! Fire at will, Lieutenant! [dramatic music playing]

[Garfield] Ha! I am playing myself!

Yeah! Got 'im! That's right! Tork rocks!

This is actually pretty crash.

I'm already on level two.

But, Violet, you've never been able to heal anyone but yourself.

Well, she healed me. That's why I--

Actually I don't believe I did heal you, Victor.

I think I only made adjustments to your internal technology.

More proof she's a living Motherbox.

Whatever. Look, I just wanna get back to my actual life.

I'm this close to a college scholarship, and maybe even a career in pro football.

Sol need one of you freaks to get this tech off me.

We're trying to figure this out.

And now, he'll tell you to be patient.

Yeah, patient is not gonna cut it.

You can talk about all these Mother and Fatherboxes later--

Whoa, whoa, whoa! Who said anything about a Fatherbox?

[Sphere beeping] Whoa! What's this now?

Sphere? [Victor] What's going on?

Super-Cycle, what are you doing?

[Super-Cycle beeps]

[distorted] You dare thr*aten me!?

[groans] Both of you! Stop!

Fool! You seek to intervene?

Then suffer for it! [Violet] No!

[casting spell in alien language]

[Victor groans]

Sorry. Sorry.

Conner! I'm fine.

Super-Cycle, stand down!

[Super-Cycle beeping]

[shushes] It's all right now.

I swear, that wasn't me attacking.

No. It was the tech within you taking control.

But I have cleansed you again.

Yeah, well, clearly, a Halo-cleanse is only a temporary solution.

For the time being, you two had better stick close to each other.

Understood. I will stick close.

What about his father? Shouldn't we bring Vic back to him?

My father did this to me!

All the more reason. Look, I'm 18.

You can kick me out, but you can't make me go back!

No one's kicking anyone out. [sighs]

[Megan, telepathically] Guess we're adopting another stray.

[dramatic music playing over Goode Goggles]

I'm ready. Just a sec. I'm at the final level.

[Goode Goggles beeping]

I need to go to Encino now.

I thought you said the club's in Hollywood.

I need to go to Encino now.

[Monkey laughing]

[Perdita gasps]

[Kid Flash] He's dead, Tom.

Hmm.

Crash.

Those words you spoke when you were cleansing Vic, what do they mean?

I don't understand. What words?

[Megan, telepathically] I'm not kicking anyone out.

I know these are extraordinary circumstances, and I know with Superman in space, you've been wanting to step up and do more.

[Conner, telepathically] But you're frustrated. I get it.

My one mission with d*ck turned into this never-ending thing.

[Megan, telepathically] A very needy and complicated never-ending thing.

Conner, since we've been engaged, we've hardly spent any time together, let alone alone time. [Conner, telepathically] You're right.

We had a system. The Watchtower was for missions, and Happy Harbor was our own Fortress of Solitude, where we could just be us.

But it's okay. I know what we need.

[Megan, telepathically] Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Date night! A secret base!

[both] What? [Wolf whines]

The Reach-- I mean, the Klamulons are attacking!

I got this, Captain!

[screams]

She's dead, Tork.

[groans]

He's dead, Tork.

[groans]

He's dead, Tork.

[yelps]

Wow, we're losing everyone.

It's a good thing they were already dead. [chuckles]

So who's next? You or me?

[Kid Flash on screen] Artemis is so gonna k*ll me for this. [grunts]

Just tell them, okay?

[sighs] Guess it's me.

[Artemis on screen] Where's Wally?

No, no.

[sobbing]

[groans]

[Monkey chittering] [chuckles] Monkey!

[chittering continues]

Ooh! I gotta catch him!

Tired of this show already?

Well, let's see what else is on.

♪♪ Go! D-O-O-M P-A-T-R-O-L Doom Patrol Go! ♪♪

[chittering]

[giggles] Monkey! Hey, bro, where'd ya go?

[Perdita echoing] Gar! Garfield! What's wrong?

Garfield, stop this. You're scaring me.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Your pulse. It's so faint...

[groans] Garfield!

[announcer] And now, back to Doom Patrol Go!

Now, who was I looking for?

An elephant never forgets, so now I'll have to remember.

Remember me? Rita.

I mean, Elasti-Girl!

That is correct!

Now, let me introduce you to the rest of the Doom Patrol.

Chief, Robotman, Negative Woman.

Welcome to the Team, Beast Boy!

Booyah! Whatever.

And my husband, Steve Dayton, also known as the Magnificent Mento.

Charmed. I'm sure.

Garfield, it broke my heart when I heard about Marie.

[all] Sorry your mom d*ed.

[Elasti-Girl] She was my best friend, and I miss her terribly. [sniffles]

I could never take her place, but I'm really going to try and be a good mom to you.

[sniffles] Thanks, Rita.

Now wait here, all right?

We all have to go on a mission and die!

No!

Booyah ska-doo!

Doom Patrol, Go!

♪♪ Go! D-O-O-M P-A-T-R-O-L Doom Patrol Go! ♪♪

[Negative Woman] ♪♪ We are called The Doom-Doom Patrol-trol! ♪♪

♪♪ We'll go off And die on a mission ♪♪

♪♪ 'Cause that's just How we roll ♪♪

♪♪ Not sure What else you could expect ♪♪

♪♪ When there's doom Right in our name! ♪♪

♪♪ Had to figure We were obsessed ♪♪

♪♪ With playin' The Doom card game! ♪♪

♪♪ No point shedding tears now, Dear Garfield ♪♪

♪♪ No searchin' for loopholes ♪♪

[all] ♪♪ Just wave goodbye To your second mom ♪♪

♪♪ And avoid all Doom Patrols ♪♪

Elasti-Girl-- Rita, please!

I lost one mom! I can't lose you, too!

Okay, Patrol! Spell it out!

[all] ♪♪ D-I-E D-I-E D-I-E Let's die! ♪♪

[Robotman chuckles] Yeah! We're not gonna make it.

No, no, no.

I can't watch this. I gotta get outta here.

It's okay, Gar.

Now that both your moms are dead, you can come live with your big sister.

Hey, yeah!

[stammers] 'Cause I'm your brother from another mother and another planet.

Where you going, Mento?

Hello, Garfield. I'm chickening out.

How else could I hide in shame for years, then resurface, claim dubious parental rights, take you away from Miss Martian, and exploit your meta-powers [echoing] to make me rich?

Wow. He's a jerk.

Noted.

[in Wally's voice] You didn't have to go with Mento.

M'gann was totally willing to fight for you.

That's true.

I was 14. I didn't have a choice.

Oh, really?

Well, no point in stickin' with her, then.

M'gann!

Might as well channel surf.

♪♪ Hello, Megan! ♪♪

Megan, Conner!

Please, I don't know what to do.

Stop! Are you kidding me?

This green kid needs a hospital!

That green kid is my brother. I know what he needs.

[Sam grunts] Hey, put us down!

Thanks, guys. We appreciate your service, but we got this.

Oh, and we'll return the gurney later.

I'm sorry. I called you and 9-1-1.

I wasn't sure what he needed...

You did the right thing. Gar's in a psychic fugue state.

I have to help him find his way out.

You're my anchor. Always.

Then I'm going in.

[door opens]

[studio audience cheering and clapping]

Mom! Rita! You're both here!

You know this kid? Do I know him?

Um, no. Never seen him before.

[studio audience laughing]

Sure you have the right house, kid?

Yeah, see, uh--

[Marie] Sure you're even born yet?

[studio audience laughing]

Come on, bestie.

Don't you think you've forgotten something important?

Hello, Megan!

I totally forgot I have all this fresh honey!

[Garfield gasping] [studio audience laughing]

[knocking on door]

I'll get it.

[studio audience cheering and clapping]

Uh-oh. Hey, Megan, Queen Bee wants her honey back!

[studio audience] Ooh! No, you can't have her back!

[Marie gasps] [studio audience] Aww!

Sorry. You weren't in this episode.

[studio audience laughing]

She's right. So let's watch an episode you were in.

Mom?

Mom, where are you? [brakes screeching]

Mom!

[crashes]

[wheel squeaking]

[sobbing]

[mimics chewing]

Stop.

Stop! I'm done. Change the channel.

Nothing else on.

Then shut it off.

Okey-doke.

What? What is it?

I can't hear his heartbeat.

You're not giving up, are you?

[gasps] I would not have picked you as my Beast Boy, if I thought you were a quitter.

What you talkin' 'bout, Monkey?

[studio audience laughing]

You didn't pick me.

I got a Martian blood transfusion.

Martian Blood?

Okay, sure, that helped. But face it, kid, you were chosen by the magical, mystical Monkey God, moi.

Why do you think you can only change into animals?

And do the words "Conservation of Mass" mean anything to you at all?

Might even be my magic that intervened and messed up those goggles to keep you from being brainwashed for Goode.

Uh, noted.

Face it! You're Beast Boy because I made you Beast Boy.

I just needed a little help.

From M'gann? From you.

I made you Beast Boy. But you made yourself a hero.

So, tell me, has that really changed?

Wait, wait, wait. Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

If you're the Monkey God, why do you sound like Wally West?

Hey, don't blame me. Your mind chose this voice.

My mind? So, are you real or is this all in my head?

Don't know, kid. Why not ask her?

Mom?

Nah. That's not my mom.

That's my beautiful sister, M'gann.

Garfield, I found you!

But you didn't really need me.

You solved it yourself, didn't you?

I think so.

See, I've always thought it would be cool to be on TV like Mom.

And for a while, it did make me feel close to her again.

Ugh. Or maybe it just distracted me, let me push away the ghosts of her and Rita and Wally and everyone else I've lost.

But I can see now I was chasing a dream or running from a nightmare or just feeling the mode.

I'm ready to get back to reality now.

Ready to get back to the life.

Are you all right? I was so worried.

I'm crash.

Feeling more aster than I have for a while, actually.

Hmm?

Sorry, my English. What is "aster"?

I'll explain later.

I figured out a lot in there, starting with this.

At Goode World Studios, Gretchen Goode handles everything.

Meaning, my boss is one of the bad guys.

Debrief later, but first, thanks for sticking by me, Your Majesty.

[giggles] I warned you what would happen if you called me that.

Big talk.

[Megan sighs]

[Megan, telepathically] Now, this is as close to date night as I'm gonna get, isn't it?

[Conner, telepathically] All the kids are doing it.

[Megan chuckles]

[theme music playing] [beeping]

[beeps]