02x02 - In His Labyrinth

[bunniefuu]

WOMAN: Previously on Graves:

(SCREAMS)

President Graves, thank
you for this interview.

I, Margaret Graves

am declaring my candidacy
for the United States Senate.

I want this to work.
But this isn't how I do family.

What do you mean, family?

I'm pregnant.

Chuy, I'm out.

The night before the election,
you should be out there,

knocking on doors, pleading
with people to vote for you.

Thanks for coming.

That's the furthest I'd come
for a second date so...

Suddenly, because I'm not
available -f*cking-seven

anymore my girlfriend tells me

- you're not what I signed up for.
- f*ck!

Mom and Dad, Isaiah.
Isaiah, Mom and Dad.

What happened to them?

Car versus truck. Car lost.

That's horrible.

- Hey, bro.
- (g*n BLAST)

Agents Hill and Leary, ma'am, FBI.

We have a couple questions
about Arturo del Rey.

Ta-dah!

That's very intense.

I did this myself. I had these
made. There's your name, baby.

We need to get the big guy back here.

If the president isn't at your side

when you accept the win
over Nash tomorrow night,

it's all anyone's gonna talk about.

I think we should drive
up there and go and get him...

I'll do it. I'll go up there
and I'll bring the President back.

He'll listen to me.

It's been two months.
You never even called.

I'm so sorry, really.

(PEOPLE CHEERING)

("ONLY IN AMERICA" BY JAY
& THE AMERICANS PLAYING)

♪ Only in America ♪

♪ Can a guy from anywhere ♪

♪ Go to sleep a pauper ♪

♪ And wake up a millionaire ♪

♪ Can a kid without a cent ♪

♪ Get a break and maybe ♪

♪ Grow up to be president ♪

♪ Only in America ♪

♪ Land of opportunity ♪

(IN DISTORTED VOICE) My baby.

Oh, my baby.

(IN DISTORTED VOICE) Ma?

♪ Only in America... ♪

(g*n BLAST)

- Mmm.
- (g*n BLAST)

Sir?

Rise and shine, Alice,
we're going hunting.

The sh*t, oh, my God, sir,
I don't think I can do that.

Oh, don't think. That's what this
whole day is about, not thinking.

Not thinking?

The further one gets into the wilderness,
the greater is its lonely freedom.

Roosevelt? Sir, that's really not fair,

quoting Teddy R.
when I'm this vulnerable.

You know, I invaded Panama in ' .

Noriega wasn't as big an assh*le as you.

Now go in and get dressed.

OK, all right, well, I guess
we could go for a few hours

and still have plenty of time to get back
to Mrs. Graves before the polls close.

(SCOFFS) f*ck that.

I'm not going back.

♪ ♪

(PEOPLE CHEERING)

Mrs. Graves? Mrs. Graves?

How do you feel
about the election today?

I feel wonderful.
There's no other way to be.

Today, the people get to have their say.

Thank you.

Mrs. Graves, where's the President?

Olivia and Jeremy, why
aren't they with you?

Oh, they'll be by my side
tonight, trust me.

And no matter what, at least
I know I have four votes, right?

Thank you.

Thank you.

OK, so get out the vote radio
phoners for what? An hour?

Mm-hmm, until the only voice you have
left is for your acceptance speech.

Deep breaths, from the diaphragm.

Nothing from Izaiah.
They better be on their way.

(CROWD CHEERS)

Just look around you, Izaiah.

Nothing in nature is random.

(FLY BUZZES)

Uh, don't sh**t the messenger, sir,

and I couldn't mean
that more, literally.

It is imperative that we get you home

for Mrs. Graves big
acceptance speech tonight.

See, look. Like it or not, the real
world won't just wait for you, sir.

f*ck the real world.

This is what's real.

Us, in the middle of nowhere.

I sure hope you know where you're going.

To find Stonewall Jackson.

What?

An old, angry bastard of an elk.

First time I saw him was years ago.

Seen him a few times since.

But he always disappears.

He always slips away.

So keep up.

(CHUCKLING) And let's get a little lost.

Lost? Sounds perfect.

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

Hey, I love that
you're calling me right now.

Hey, what are you doing?

Being judged.

I swear, Sammy, I cannot wait
until my bump looks like an actual bump

and not just, "Fatty needs
to drop that doughnut."

Well, do you want to hang out later?
Because I don't have work until tonight.

And I could just come
meet you somewhere.

Oh, I'm actually headed home.

Phoenix is coming over.
We're talking all things umbra.

You OK?

Yeah. No. I don't know.
My aunt just d*ed.

Oh, my God.

Sammy, I'm so sorry.
Were you guys close?

No, I mean, we haven't talked
in like ten years,

but I just got this big envelope
full of sh*t

from some lawyers
that she wanted to send me.

Why don't you just come over then?

I mean, I could use
the company, to be honest.

Pregnant party of one
is already getting very old.

Yeah, but is Isaiah gonna be there?

Because I haven't seen
you since that night

and I don't really feel
like an awkward run-in.

No, he's in Taos,
picking up Daddy from day camp.

OK, well, I will see you
in a little bit.

OK. Bye.

(BLUESY ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

JEREMY(SOBBING): What the f*ck!

He's crying. Again.

JEREMY: f*ck.

I mean, you didn't even
give me a f*cking chance.

- (CELL PHONE RINGS)
- We f*cking connected, you know.

I thought she cared about me
and I guess she just didn't

'cause she's so stupid.

Your phone's ringing.

(SIGHS) f*ck. Hello.

(CHUCKLING) Sounds like somebody's night
was a hell of a lot better than mine.

Hey, Doug.

Whoa, bud, you sound like your dog d*ed.

Did you k*ll a dog?

What? No. f*ck, Doug, no.

I will bury bodies for you.

(SIGHS) Hey, man, can this wait?

I'm kind of going
through some sh*t right now.

Listen, my angry acolyte,

guess who's show just went
from weekly to nightly?

Spoiler alert. It's you.

Wait, what? Are you serious?

As serious as the infection you're
gonna have in three to seven days.

We're sh**ting a promo
with you to announce

our new lineup with Laura Wolf,

who we just signed, a huge f*cking get.

There's a plane to LA
in an hour, be on it.

(TURNS OFF PHONE)

I gotta go.

"Dr. Timothy McCall."

I chose him very carefully
for you, doll.

Yeah, and your secret shame, Olivia,
fits rather neatly into my wheelhouse.

You know, I was doing alternative facts
long before they were alternative.

Mm. Oh, that's nice.
He was a real pediatrician.

He was just days away from his
Doctors Without Borders mission

when he met you, Olivia,

on a stopover in Albuquerque

and following a carnal
and passionate weekend,

you fell hopelessly in love.

Your subsequent pregnancy
being really the only evidence

of that blissful weekend.

But he was lost in Afghanistan.

Dr. Timothy McCall, driven
by love, felt compelled to leave

to be back with you
and your unborn child.

And it was there, on his last day,

that Dr. McCall tragically d*ed

just after stepping on a landmine
in Jalalabad.

Jalala-sad.

(SOBS QUIETLY)
It breaks my heart every time.

Uh...

- I...
- Mm.

Yeah.

(CHUCKLES) Right?

- Look, I...
- You can call him Tim.

Call him Tim.

- Or Timmy.
- Nope.

No, I can't do this. Sorry, Mom.

(MARGARET CHUCKLES)

Oh, my goodness.

Just have to give her
a minute. She's a process.

(SNIFFS)

Your friends are here.

Thank God.

- You would not believe.
- What? What's going on?

They're trying to turn my life
into an ABC Afterschool Special.

Oh, God, I loved those.

Rosanna Arquette's performance in

Mom and Dad Can't Hear Me
literally changed my life.

That means
"Mommy needs more cigarettes."

- I'm kind of obsessed with you.
- I know.

Olivia, honey, I need you
to work with me... here.

- I didn't know you had guests.
- Well, you know Sammy.

Yes, we met at the hospital.

Hi. How you doing, Mrs. Graves?

OK, um, Mom,

promise you won't say anything
until I'm finished.

OK, Olivia, oh, my God,
I can't deal with this now.

For Christ's sake, it's my election.

Maggie, please.

I'm asking for a safe space to be heard.

Can you receive that?

What's wrong with you?

Respectfully, I am rejecting your birth
plan and I am considering...

a home birth, right here,

naturally, no meds, no hospitals.

Just a midwife and nature.

Like women have been doing
since the dawn of the uterus.

Now please say hello to Phoenix.

He's my birth companion.

It is an honor.

I hope you'll allow me
to call you Nani, Ma.

That's the Hindi term for grandmother.

No, darling, never do that.

As you wish.

(RECEDING FOOTSTEPS)

(SIGHS) Well, that went well.

So, Mr. President, I prepared
for you today a simple scramble

with the most beautiful ***
mushrooms from around the cabin.

We also have some lightly
grilled root vegetables

with just a touch of char for texture.

Hmm.

Ahh. I'm good.

OK, your loss then.

So, sir, this book you're writing,

what is the purpose?

(DEEP GUTTURAL EXHALE)

Answers.

Who I am.

Who I became.

How can someone start life
being open to the world

only to grow up and destroy it?

Everything I get near turns to sh*t.

Disappearing felt like a public service.

I came to write a book.

Give me that.

I just can't remember who I was before.

I've barely written a damn word.

(EATING LOUDLY)

OK, this is really f*cking delicious.

- It's the mushrooms.
- Mmm.

WOMAN ON TV: As our body

- does the work nature intends...
- (QUIET MOOD MUSIC PLAYING)

the cervix widens

providing passage of the miracle.

And here we go.

We're crowning.

(WOMAN MOANS)

Oh, my God.

Why isn't she screaming?

Well, because she's experiencing
the most joyous thing a woman can do.

Oh, yeah, said the guy with no vag*na.

I encourage a quiet birth.

Wherein the room remains silent
for the duration of the labor

so as to introduce the child
into a chaos-free world.

What's happening to that
woman's hoohah, that's chaos.

Shh.

(WOMAN ON TV MOANS)

And the mother bears down

into the warm, temperature-controlled
water of the birthing pool.

And the child slides
through the birth canal

into a world they will
one day make a better place.

OK, all right, smoke break.

No. No, it's not the video.
The video's f*cking awesome.

I'm just gonna... We'll watch it
again when I get back.

(BABY CRIES ON TV)

Isn't it fun?

(DRAMATIC NEWS MUSIC PLAYING)

MAN: Graves, Wolf, spinning the truth,

now five nights a week.

(SNORTING)

Oh, yeah.

- (SNORTS)
- Let me tell you something.

This network better not be

- a pile of P-O-O-P.
- Mm-hmm.

Not with the sh*t-ton of money
they're paying me.

Why did you spell "poop"
but then say "sh*t"?

- I have no f*cking idea.
- (CHUCKLES)

I hardly even know
where the hell we are.

(CHUCKLES)

- (SOBBING)
- Jesus Christ, Graves.

This sad sh*t is sucking
the snow right out of my nose!

Regroup. Help me help you.

Martin Treadwell
tried to k*ll your father.

Not that I don't get
where he's coming from.

But why the hell didn't you try to get
him out of that f*cking nuthouse?

I don't f*cking know!

I don't know! g*dd*mn it!

OK, um,

OK, Laura, you've gotta listen
to me, OK? Just listen to me.

'Cause I am like five feet away
from a major f*cking free fall right now.

I just gotta get some of this
sh*t straight in my head.

Um... I mean, the world's
gone to sh*t, you know!

You get that, right? 'Cause Tasha didn't
seem to f*cking get that, you know?

'Cause she made it all about me
being f*cking different now.

So now, not only am I a shitty boyfriend,
I'm also a shitty f*cking person.

How f*cking shitty is that?!

Full disclosure, I don't give a sh*t.

I've had hot flashes that lasted
longer than this relationship.

Forget the girl! You've got
bigger things happening!

- Right. Yeah.
- Focus on you. Shake sh*t up!

f*ck yeah. You know, you're right.
This is like a blessing, actually.

There you go.

I'm like acquitted.
Zero baggage, zero fucks.

I give two shits now,
one for me and the other one...

- I'm f*cking saving for me!
- Amen!

Whoo!

(EXHALES DEEPLY) Whoo.

MARGARET: I'm really not OK now.

Isaiah's not answering his voicemail.

- He's not answering any of my texts.
- That's no good.

Olivia, I don't know what she's trying
to do to me with this home birth.

- Home birth.
- And Jeremy, who the hell knows

where he is.

Richard's gone. All on my election
day, of all the f*cking days.

Oh, my God, stop that!

- Stop following me.
- It's exhausting, isn't it?

All of this overthinking.
It's exhausting.

You're gonna win this thing.
You're gonna win this thing.

And you're gonna need to take
all the white noise that is your family

and reframe it, can you reframe it?

Just make your point.

Point, home births are good.

Point, they're very
relatable to low-income voters

who don't have health insurance.

Point, they're real, they're human.

Look, I'm not trying
to malign your family,

but this senate run is gonna
require a perspective shift

that I'm not sure you're ready
or willing to pull into focus.

So can you... can you just
take your lens and just...

(WHISPERING) adjust it with me.

What your lens is not seeing is
that my family is not a family.

We are an institution.

I feel like you didn't adjust your lens.

WOMAN: Excuse me.

Mrs. Graves.

OK, OK, what the hell are you doing?

Well, I'm skirtling, sir.

Small quick footsteps to mimic animal
footsteps masking those of a human.

I usually only use this technique
when I'm bird watching,

but, you know, in this case,
I don't want to spook your elk.

(INSECTS BUZZING)

Oh, damn it.

(INDISTINCT MUTTERING)

These bugs are everywhere.

f*cking mosquitoes.

Oh, yes, mosquito repellent.

Lay it on me. Thank you so much.

I'm getting eaten up alive.

My God! What the hell is that?!

Female deer urine.

Female what?

Deer urine.

Attracts the males.

That is certainly, absolutely
an ask first type of thing.

(GAGGING)

OK.

This is the day, Stonewall.

This is the day.

Mrs. Graves... Sir, she's gonna be
so upset. She really needs you.

RICHARD: Trust me, Isaiah.

Maggie's fine.

Enrique Ramirez, AKA Chuy,

Ramirez is an associate
of the Del Rey Cartel.

We arrested him last night
crossing the border

and believe he was involved
in the m*rder of Arturo Del Rey.

Do you know Enrique, Miss Graves?

Nope. I've never seen this man.

He's not talking. Hasn't said
a word since we picked him up.

Last thing, the photos we found
of you and Mr. Del Rey,

on the cell phone we seized,
the ones you said were taken here

- on this property.
- Uh-huh.

Just to ask again, are you sure
you've never seen him anywhere else?

I'm sure.

So listen, folks,
y'all have come into my home

to question my daughter
without her lawyer,

questions she's already answered.

I'm beginning to think that this
is a fishing expedition

to malign my family.

So f*ck off.

What she said.

You know...

coming out here's

helped me heal.

When I got sh*t...

it was my therapy.

Which, of course, makes no sense.

The bigness of it...

makes all the things
that happen to you in life...

feel small.

(ANIMAL SCREECHING)

Oh, my God.

- Stonewall. Stonewall Jackson.
- Oh, my God, sir.

I've never seen anything
like it in my life.

Shh.

He's beautiful. The majesty.

I mean, I can't think of another word
to describe it, he's majestic.

Shut the f*ck up.
You're gonna scare him away.

Well, don't... don't sh**t him, sir.

He looks healthy. He's still strong.

No, he's so beautiful, sir. Please,
don't. You can't... You can't do that.

RICHARD: He's outlived
his natural lifespan.

You can't sh**t
a living thing like that.

(CHUCKLING)

The old boy is still alive and kicking.

I'm so glad.

What, this whole hunting thing,
you weren't ever gonna sh**t...?

No. Good Lord, kid.

I just like coming out here
and seeing him every once in a while.

That's funny.

I do, uh, I do feel, you know,

I don't know, I feel a little
relieved, a little lighter.

(CHUCKLING) A lot lighter.

Why are you still here, Isaiah?

With me in this f*cking job?

Why wouldn't I be?

(CHUCKLING) Well, I can
think of a million reasons.

How do you still not understand
that you're my example, sir?

Did you stop being the President when
you got sh*t? No, you didn't.

And I totally understand why now.

Busy is what I need, sir. Busy is good.

Just don't get me lost, sir.

I know what that feels like now.

Just keep me busy.

OK, kid. Let's get the hell out of here.

- Really? Home?
- Sure.

Bags are packed,
it's Maggie's big night.

All right, yes, sir.

- (g*n BLAST)
- (ELK HOWLS)

(THUD)

Oh, Stonewall.

I'm so sorry, sir!
Oh, my God! I'm so sorry!

Clean sh*t.

Hell of an aim.

Never knew what hit him.

(SOBS)

WOMAN: The polls getting ready to close,

former First Lady Margaret Graves

leads by a considerable margin

over the wildcard Thomas Nash.

- Hey, Bill.
- Hey. (SIGHS)

(SNIFFS)

(GROANS) When was
the last time you showered?

Any particular reason
you crawled up my ass

seconds after I walk in the door?

- Hormones.
- (SIGHS)

Jesus, Jeremy, you're f*cking high!

What? (SNIFFS)

- Where's Tasha? (GASPS)
- Don't.

Jer. Oh, God, you finally
blew it, didn't you?

Did she dump your ass? Did she?

Need I remind you
there's only one Graves kid

sitting here with a Mexican
bastard in her belly?

- (GASPS)
- Too soon?

- Sorry.
- God.

- Jeremy? Oh, sweetheart.
- Mom.

(CHUCKLES)

The polls are about to close
and I'm up but...

- you just never know till it's over.
- Yep.

Oh, Olivia, would you please
reconsider this home birth craziness.

Why is everything that I do
for myself considered crazy?

Home what?

Your sister wants to have a medieval
birth on my new Berber carpet.

- Are you hungry, sweetheart?
- Oh, yeah, a little.

OK, done.

Signed. Decided.

I'm terrified to have this baby, Mom,

but making the decision to have
it here is the best I have felt

about anything for months.

I just...

I need to do something
that seems impossible.

Well, this certainly qualifies.

By the way, Tasha dumped Jeremy.

Also, he's high. Cocaine is my guess.

- (GASPS)
- So please, worry about him for once.

Don't.

NEWSCASTER ON TV:
For tonight's election news,

decision night in America.

With percent
of the precincts reporting

in what can only be described
as a crushing landslide,

Margaret Graves is projected to win

the Republican
party's nomination for Senate.

She'll face Democratic incumbent
Jerry North in the General Election.

(WHISPERING) Oh, my God.

I f*cking won.

(CHUCKLES)

Oh, my God.

Maggie. (CHUCKLING)

Congratulations, dear.

Richard.

Oh, my God, you look like Santa
Clause just got out of prison.

I... I... I wouldn't come too near.

I haven't had a bath since
Isaiah pretended he was sh*t.

- What?
- Richard.

Now listen, honey. Tell me
everything that's been going on, OK?

Well, your son is saying the
most unspeakable things on TV

and he's high on God knows what.

Olivia has decided
she wants to give birth

in our living room in a blow-up pool.

Ramona quit. I just won the
Republican primary election.

And...

I missed you.

Missed you too.

I'd have never done this
to you, Richard, left you to stand alone.

You should've been here.

I know that, Mags.

I'm sorry.

I know.

Ramona quit?

(GROANS)

Speak to our children
and get cleaned up.

- You smell like a urinal, my God.
- Yes, ma'am.

I want all of you beside me tonight.

It's deer urine, by the way.

It's not... well, his.

_

(VIOLIN MUSIC PLAYING ON VIDEO)

Our little Samantha. Amazing.

She's wonderful.

(CHUCKLES QUIETLY)

Mom.

(SOBS QUIETLY)

Is that you?

(CHUCKLES) Yeah.

(CHUCKLES)

("YOU COULD HAVE BEEN A LADY"
BY APRIL WINE PLAYING)

(CHEERING)

(CHANTING)

♪ Could have been all right
Could have been here tonight ♪

♪ Could have been sweet As wine ♪

♪ Could have been a lady ♪

♪ Could have been all right ♪

♪ Could have been here Tonight ♪

♪ Could have been sweet As wine ♪

♪ Could have been a lady ♪

Hello, Santa Fe.

I hope you're ready.

Because she's back!

(CHEERING)

From the great state of New Mexico,

Margaret Graves!

(APPLAUSE)

♪ They all want you ♪

♪ I'd be surprised if you
Realize where you're going to ♪

♪ Could've been all right ♪

♪ Could've been here tonight ♪

Thank you, New Mexico!

(SIGHS)

You vote? Yeah, me neither.

(SNIFFS)

♪ Could've been here tonight ♪

♪ Could've been sweet as wine ♪

♪ Could've been a lady ♪