03x07 - One Ding-Wonder

[bunniefuu]

[BABY CRYING, DOG BARKING]

♪♪

FAIRBELL: See? I told you
my cousin was a celebrity.

That's him wrestling the dog.

Fairbell, this is just

white-trash hillbillies
fighting, and poorly.

It doesn't make
your cousin Internet-famous.

Okay, "hillbilly" is a hurtful term.

They prefer the term "holler folk."

SHOEMAKER: Well, at least have the
decency to get up out of the trash.

It's a trash fight.

This is what happens
when you let Fairbell drive.

Give me this.

This is that wing-ding kid
I was telling you guys about.

- Oh, yeah.
- Wing-ding!

[LAUGHTER]

What's up, guys? Wing-Ding Kid!

- Smash that like button below...
- Wait a second.

- This kid goes to Smoot.
- He's in my study hall.

All the other kids act like
he's some sort of celebrity.

Check out videos every
Thursday, press "subscribe"

for more awesome wing-dings!

One million views for this garbage!

You see, this is the
problem with the world today.

Who finds that funny?

My favorite part was when
he's all, "Wing-ding!" Remember?

See, you guys are just too old
and out of touch to understand.

It's not about the "wing-ding."

Oh, really? Enlighten us, then.

What is it about? Well, it's, uh...

It's clearly about
a subversion of respect.

- Oh.
- Wherein the winged hot boy

usurps various archetypes.

It's textbook hot-boy usurpation.

- It's textbook.
- Those are words.

- Mm-hmm.
- I hope you have a plastic bag

to put all that dog sh*t in
that just came out of your mouth.

- I'm right about this.
- Hey, kid. Come over here.

Uh, tell us, why do kids
like these "Wing-Ding" videos?

I mean, I guess it's, like, a
subversion of respect, you know?

- Oh!
- But Wing-Ding Kid

is a kind of hot boy for all of us,

a hot boy that usurps archetypes.

- Just get out of here.
- Yeah, go to class.

- Get out of here.
- You nailed it.

Anyway, one thing I can tell you...

I don't have time for this
flash-in-the-pan Internet

BS stuff, okay? That guy...

Yeah, he'll be forgotten faster

than even Fairbell's trashy cousins.

- I promise you.
- Wing-ding!

Holy crud!

Are you serious right now?!
Are you serious?!

♪♪

♪ Quit wasting my time ♪

♪ I ain't here for you ♪

♪ I'm just putting in work ♪

♪ Till my day is through ♪

Ooh, the brown kind!

Fairbell. It buffered.

- Oh. Oh.
- Get in here.

- I'm Uncle Jake.
- Oh, another one?

Uncle Jake spent his entire
advertising budget

- on these things.
- Because I don't think

that you need to be
a g*dd*mn millionaire

to be able to afford
quality ingredients,

unlike some of our competitors,

who use garbage trash
that they found in the alley!

- Jake, where's the fire extinguisher?
- What?

I'm in the middle of doing
a Crazy Uncle Jake's ad.

- It's bad.
- How bad?

Worse than last week.

But hotter. Uncle Jake's Pizza...

Official pizza of the Denver Broncos...

The horses, not the team!
[SMOKE ALARM BEEPING]

Aah!

- Wing-ding!
- Holy crud!

Holy crud!

Holy crud!

What's up, guys?
Wing-Ding Kid smackdown...

"Holy crud"? What is he, a youth pastor?

. million views?

Shoemaker's the most popular
Wing-Ding video to date.

It has nothing to do with Shoemaker.

Wing-Ding Kid has
never dinged a teacher.

This is textbook hot-boy
usurpation escalation.

I like how it started with
the fire at the pizza shop,

but then it was about Holy Crud Guy.

That's just good storytelling.

That was the commercial
before the video.

You know they're entirely
different things, right?

Oh, my gosh, he's here.

- Holy Crud Guy.
- [APPLAUSE]

Thank you! Thank you!

Yes, yes, very impressive

how Shoemaker unknowingly
appeared in a video.

- Bravo.
- I know, right?!

So, get this... I go to my coffee shop

and I get up to the cashier
and the cashier says,

"You're money's no good here."

Yeah, and I figured that Tampa

had just canceled my credit card again.

- Sure.
- But then they gave it to me for free.

- What?
- Yeah! And they wrote this on it.

- [GASPS] What?!
- Holy Crud Guy.

- Lucky!
- [LAUGHS]

Then how cool is that?

Apparently this Wing-Ding dude

has a way bigger reach

than I thought originally.

I mean, it's been pretty amazing
to see all the people...

I am so sorry.

Maybe you didn't realize this is
the faculty cafeteria, you fu...

Mr. Holy Crud Guy,
can I get a picture with you?

Well, yeah! A fan?
Why didn't you just say so?

Hey, what's-your-face,
hold this real quick.

Fairbell, come take a photo of us.

Come on.

Gi... Take the photo, you moron!

This is bullshit! I can't believe

Wing-Ding Kid picked Shoemaker.
What a wasted opportunity.

If he'd picked me, that video would have

mil views, guaranteed, first day.

Wing-Ding Kid should have chosen me,

but, no, another straight white male.

Go figure. Why does
the Internet hate women?

This was good. This was good.
So you go here?

Yeah, I, uh...

Your... Your class,
fifth period... Brady.

- Don't talk much.
- Oh, there you are!

There you are, Peter!

- Yeah. I see you.
- Oh, that's my little buddy.

That's my little friend. He
doesn't know that kid's name.

Well, thank you for coming out.
That was fun.

Okay, but seriously,
this is the faculty cafeteria,

so get out of here.

Wow! So cool to just connect
with the fans, huh?

Okay, relax, Shoemaker.
That is Wing-Ding Kid's fan.

You're just his latest victim.

Yeah, it could have been anybody.

Jealous much? [CHUCKLES]

Mmm!

Everything tastes better when it's free.

- Tangy.
- Gross.

What are you, my stalker or something?

- Kind of.
- Cool.

Stay on my six. Let everybody see you.

My agent, Lucius, at Forbes,

is fielding a lot of offers
for branded content.

Brandon, there's no
talking in study hall.

We did a call-out to that
"That's What You Think" girl

about going to homecoming with me.

Huge crossover buzz.

- Check out the video.
- That's what you think!

And no cellphone usage, either.

Whoa. Hey. That... That's
not a cellphone, Ms. Logan.

Oh, really? See, that's
the paintbrush for my art.

Ah. But I, you know, wouldn't
expect you to understand that

because you're old and
scared of the Internet.

- [LAUGHTER]
- Okay.

Yeah, oh, I am so old
and scared of the Internet

that I have reached platinum
pen-pal status on thislldo.net.

- What's that?
- It's...

You know, it's nothing. You're right.

I'm afraid of the Internet.

Hey, yo, what up, Wing-Ding Dawg.

Keep their heads ringing, right?

- Straight, pock.
- Death bro?

Okay, I saw the latest video.

. million views. Dude, nice!

But "Holy Crud" guy... Ugh!

Am I right, guys? Weak sauce!

Put me in your next video,

and I guarantee million views
on the first day, straight up.

'Cause you'll wing-ding me,
and I'll be like,

"Dios mio!" and that's
the Latin market...

That, real talk,
you're missing right now.

Well, thanks, Mr. Payton.

- I'll be sure to call you...
- Cool.

As soon as I'm ready
to commit career su1c1de.

[LAUGHTER]

God.

- "Dios mio"?
- That's what you think!

Who would have thought a little
-year-old Internet celeb

would be such a prick?

This is why we need more diverse voices

in our web-prank content.

I pitched him the "Dios mio"
thing. He wouldn't bite.

No, I mean more
diverse voices like mine.

Yeah, well, regardless
whether it's you or me,

someone needs to put this
Wing-Ding Kid in his place.

- Wait a minute.
- Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Totally.

- That kid must get so much pus...
- We make a video!

- We make a video.
- Gross.

Yes, we make a video.

Same page.

- Video.
- Gross.

SHOEMAKER: Now, sometime in late ,

I like to imagine that the folks of

Nanking were probably
saying to themselves...

ALL: Holy crud!

[LAUGHS] Jackpot!

Yeah! Ooh, ooh, "jackpot"...

Will you write that down
in your little leather-bound...

And make sure you get
the exclamation point on it.

Attaboy. Anyway, um...
Oh, God, where was I? Uh...

Oh, we were gonna
watch your video again.

Maybe this time in slow motion.

Yeah, all right! Come on! [LAUGHS]

Now, you... you do know
I ad-libbed all of this?

Yeah, one take.

I'm just not in love with any of these.

I think we're over-thinking this,
you know?

"America's Funniest Home Videos"...

That set the standard.

Guy getting hit in the crotch...
Slam dunk. Every time.

Why does it always have to be a guy?

Why can't a woman get hit in the crotch?

Because that's not funny.

There's no stakes there, Abbey.

Fine. I'll just do a talking-head video

where I thoughtfully
and inclusively screech

my views into the camera.

Hey, I am all for you being
the star of this thing, okay,

but your head is not

what Japanese businessmen
want to see. It's just not.

Loren, for the last
time, I'm not doing that.

Okay, fine.

Then we're out of ideas
for a viral video.

Are you happy?

God, this code is so hard to cr*ck.

Well, what was that bullshit
you were talking about earlier?

Oh, well, listen,
usurpation is not a given.

It's part of the ephemeral
nature of the Internet

that has to be organic
to the original hot boy.

- And that's...
- We just need to find someone

who thinks on the level
of an average Internet moron.

- Yeah. Oh, my God.
- Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Yes! Totally!
Fairbell can help us make a video!

You could probably
just take your top off!

We don't even need the piss cam!

No, y-your thing. What you said.

- Yeah.
- Fairbell.

[CHUCKLES]

You think it's about a shirtless
guy putting on deodorant,

but, plot twist,

it's about a goat
falling asleep just standing up.

Fairbell, can you please,

please stop watching
animal videos and tell us

Wing-Ding became so popular?

Duh! He's hilarious! "Wing-ding!"

Just sounds funny.

It's like a doorbell or something,

like a catchy, funny doorbell.

And so the key is a catchphrase?

No, it's like a short saying

that you repeat over and over again

so it gets stuck in people's heads.

That's what you should do.
Like, "Ding-dong!"

Or like, "Dong-ding!"
Even better. "Wing-ping!"

Or, "Wong-ping!" Hmm?

Or, "Ping-ping!" Or, "Ting-ting!"

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

I mean, probably not.

We should probably just
do what Fairbell says.

Really? It's so stupid.

I'm beginning to think that's the point.

I hope you're writing these down.

[LAUGHS]

"Ding-king!" "Ting-ring!"

Ooh! Obviously not that one.

[SHOUTING]

Whoa!

Hot off the CafePress. That's right!

All the unlicensed "Holy Crud" merch

your little hearts could desire, huh?

Yeah. Let me show you what I got here.

All right, first up... Cruds MacKenzie.

Huh? No one? Come on, you don't...

You remember the old
beer advertisements?

That's for you, super fan.

All right, now, now, now,
now, now, check this one out.

Cruddy Holly! That's a fun
little play on words,

and this one isn't gonna
crash and burn like he did.

All right, music lover, that's yours.

All right, my favorite.
Probably the pinnacle for me.

Check this bad boy out.

"This Crud's For You."

No? Nothing?

The old beer advertis...
Anyway, it's lit. Trust me.

Okay, now, let's talk prices.

- I am going to be asking $ a pop.
- [CELLPHONE CHIMES]

Now, you're saying to yourself,
"That is a bit pricey."

BRANDON: Wing-ding!
Wing-ding! Wing-ding!

But I had to pay some
thieving open-mic comics

to write those puns,
which cost a bit more than I...

Okay, well, all right.
I'm losing a few of you.

Well, ah, ah, ah, twist my arm.

All right, $ for the t-shirts now.

I will come down on the price

because you guys liked me
when I was dog sh*t,

and I don't forget that kind of s...

Hey, hey! Wait, wait, wait!
Where are you going?

The Wing-Ding Kid
just posted a new video.

He "wing-dinged"
City Comptroller Theresa Ortega.

- She's, like, famous.
- Well, what am I?

Dog sh*t?

Hey, hey, hey!

I'm gonna need $ for that shirt.

- You said $ .
- No, I never said that.

I was just gonna swim
in it anyway, so...

[SAD MUSIC PLAYS]

Ohh.

Gadzooks!

Ooh.

BRANDON: Wing-ding!

Okay, okay, all right,
there he is. There he is.

Let's go over the plan one more time.

I run up there. I poke Steven
in the belly button, yell,

"Ding-dong!" and, Abbey, you just film.

Oh. Awesome. So I just get
shoved out of the way

so another sausage video gets made.

We've been over this. There's
a lack of female directors, too.

Come on!

Fairbell, you remember
your part of the plan?

I got it. I got it.

No direct eye contact
because you get stage fright.

Exactly. Thank you very much.

All right, then we just upload
this sucker and just sit back

and wait for the endorsement
deals to come in.

I bet we get movie offers.

I'll probably get my own signature IPA

out of the whole deal.
And the best part is Wing-Ding Kid

will just disappear
into our rear-view mirror.

- I mean, this formula's golden.
- Right?

A couple of teachers joking
around in school, being goofs.

It's like they're worse
than the kids they teach.

I would watch like a hundred
episodes if that was a show.

I'm gonna be so much
better than Shoemaker.

I mean, um, I'll be
the first woman to, uh,

shatter the pixilated Internet scene.

Do you want a third cr*ck
at that, or are you good here?

Just go ding-dong Steven.

- Okay.
- Ding-dong!

[LAUGHS]

This is Abbey Ribitowitz Logan...

Can you move?

Bup, bup, go, go, go, go, go,
go, go, go, go, go, go, go,

go, go, go, go, go, go!

Okay, perfect.

This is Abbey Ribitowitz Logan
coming at you live.

That's right. I'm a woman.

So sorry. Deal with it.

Thanks a lot. Before that, I'm
gonna break it down for you haters.

- We've got a...
- Hey, Sweens.

Can I help you with something, Loren?

Um, no. I'm... I'm good. I'm cool.

Women can be funny.
We can be as funny as dogs.

- We can be as funny as cats.
- Yeah, you're acting weird.

- What are you up to?
- Nothing.

Anyway, ding-dong!

- Oh!
- Aah!

'Cause dat's what I think, girl!

- Oh, my God! Come on!
- sh*t!

Oh, God, you broke my nose!

Run!

Go, go, go!

Do you think we're still gonna go viral?

Why would you try to
touch my belly button?

I thought we could maybe be
friends or something, you know?

That's the way you make friends? Jesus.

Oh, that right there... sick.

That was... That was
straight fire right there.

That... Man, that's
b*mb tits right there.

- Okay.
- What?

Hey, listen, I really appreciate

you taking the time to sit down with me,

- Wing-Ding Kid.
- Hey, let's just make it quick, okay?

I got a Skype call with
YouTube Orange in five minutes.

- Whoa, what's that?
- Nobody knows.

Look, what can I do you
for, Holy Crud Guy?

Yeah, I wanted to talk
to you about, you know,

this idea I had of maybe you
and I collabo-ing again? Huh?

You know, seeing as how I'm your
most popular vid to date,

I don't... You are not anymore, dude.

I winged the ding out of City
Comptroller Theresa Ortega.

Yeah, that... that video's
through the stratosphere.

Well, that's not a big deal

because we're about to blow this
into the ether, all right?!

Check this out. I've been
working on some ideas.

So you come up...
Classic wing-ding. "Wing-ding!"

And then I'm like, "Ooh, gadzooks!"

You know? Something I can hold.

Or like, "Oh, what the geez?!"
You know? Something like that.

Something that you can put on a t-shirt.

See, I think that our audience
is in... in desperate...

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Did you say, "our audience"?

It's... It's my audience.

Well, Holy Crud Guy helped.

Do you think you're
some sort of influencer?

- Yeah, I guess.
- [CHUCKLES]

Is this... Is this merch? This is merch.

- Yeah, I made some shirts, and I-I...
- Dude, you are so sad.

Guys, he made merch.

[LAUGHTER]

"Crud Bundy."

Where's that?

"Where's"... No, David Faustino.

"Married With Children"? Oh, my God.

You kids do not get
my timely references.

I probably shouldn't have spent
$ on all these shirts.

New idea. Peep this, G!

You wear them in your newest video!

I wouldn't even swim in those.

Look, face it, bro.

Holy Crud Guy...
You're a one-ding wonder.

- Be gone.
- [CELLPHONE RINGS, BEEPS]

Lucius, baby! How's it going?

- Yo, Dingy, baby, who's that?
- Oh, no, he's nobody.

I'm thinking we go out into the streets

- and dress up...
- [SAD MUSIC PLAYS]

Who knew Steven was such a badass?

Um, not me.

- My turn.
- It's not your turn.

- You're not even a real doctor.
- Oh, yeah?

Well, Quinn said if we're
gonna split the paycheck,

I got to start pulling my weight.

- Okay. Just...
- Please.

Can you not be in my shadow?

Well, lose some weight,
and the shadow shrinks.

- Ah, Jesus! Go easy!
- I think, girl!

[GROANS] There it is.

- I-sh*t!
- Oh, come on.

You completely missed the punch, Abbey.

That's pathetic.

No wonder there's no women
directors on the Internet.

- Ohh.
- Why is everybody calling me

an otter in the comments?
What is an otter?

BOTH: It's a small, hairy gay man.

Don't even sweat the comments.
They don't even make sense.

Look, they call me the "retread."

Damn auto-correct.

You haven't read the worst comment.

- It's from Wing-Ding Kid.
- Where?

Like, he's all, "Check out these knees!"

How does this comment have likes

when the video only has views?

Uh, 'cause your idea sucked.

I should never have stopped
my biting social commentary

to film your stupid punch.

We can't b*at him
with a cheap knock-off.

We need an even cheaper direct rip-off.

We need to wing-ding Wing-Ding Kid.

- Yes!
- Yes! Exactly!

But no one knows when
he's gonna wing-ding.

So you lure him out into the open

with a wing-ding opportunity

- that he can't resist... twins.
- That he can't resist - twins.

- Why are you finishing my sentences?
- You were running out of steam.

- Oh, I'm not running out of steam.
- You were running out of steam.

I'm ramping up the steam.

I thought you were gonna fall
asleep in the middle of that.

No one gives a sh*t about twins,
you guys.

Oh, yeah? Tell that to the
Menendez brothers.

- Okay, they were not twins.
- And that was their problem.

But the Greenes are onto something.

To catch viral-video flies,
you need celebrity honey.

I mean, think about it.
Wing-Ding Kid dinged a teacher,

then a city comptroller.

ABBEY: The dings are getting
more high-profile.

- He's dinging up.
- Exactly.

Hi, I'm Uncle Jake
from Uncle Jake's Pizza.

Contrary to what you may have heard,

I'm doing just fine.

You can't ding any higher
than a local celeb.

Oh, let's get Holy Crud Guy.

No! My cousin Uncle Jake.

- Is it gas?
- I think that's gas.

It's gas! There's a leak!
Okay, run! Everybody run!

- Oh, God, not him.
- Yeah. It's decided.

[CAR HORN HONKING]

There he is. Aw, yeah!
Thanks for doing this, Jake.

- Hell, yeah, cuz. We fam.
- Yeah, we are.

Wait, you... You got Nana's Caddy?

Yeah, who else was she gonna give it to?

- All right, what are we doing?
- All right, it's pretty simple.

I just need you
to stand out in the open,

hand out pizza cash,
promote the biz. That's it.

And then some kid's just gonna come up

and try and f*ck
me like a bird, like in cloaca.

- Exactly. Exactly.
- It's called wing-dinging.

By the way, I'm a huge
fan of your videos,

especially the one where
you get really b*rned,

and then all of a sudden,
it's about an elephant

and a dog becoming unlikely friends.

[CHUCKLES]

- Is that guy retreaded?
- He's a little retreaded.

Just think of yourself as bait, Jake.

The bait. Oh, so, like,
"To Catch a Predator,"

but I'm the sweet, sweet child
butt that everyone's after.

Uh, yeah, but do you
have to phrase it like that?

- I mean, I'd prefer to.
- All right, and then when

Wing-Ding Kid tries to wing-ding you,

I run out and wing-ding him.

A hot-boy status usurpation
by an elder hot boy.

I never know what you're
talking about, cousin.

[SAD MUSIC PLAYS]

Serves me right.

Flew too close to the sun.

It's all so fleeting.

Just look at these
Holy Crud Guy comments.

"He looks like Matchbox 's
fat older brother."

[LAUGHS] That's kind of funny.

Why would you do this to yourself?

You shut your mouth, Brady.
I need to see this.

Hmm. Look at this one.

"Aw, look what they scraped off of

Kat Von D's tattoo parlor floor."

Nice!

JAKE: Who doesn't want pizza,
huh? $ off.

The guy from Uncle Jake's
is giving out free pizza cash.

Yes, there you go!
Uncle Jake's Pizzeria.

Mr. Shoemaker, can we go?

Since when do you need
my permission to leave?

Right. Duh. Come on, guys.

Onto the next star that burns so bright.

Onto the next eagle
that soars on wings of crud.

Celebrities.

Celebrity.

That's it.

[CHUCKLES]

Pizza cash.

Uncle Jake-eria's Pizza.

Uncle Jake's Pizzeria. Pizza cash!

- Where's Wing-Ding Kid?
- Don't worry. He'll show.

- It's a real promotion.
- It's Holy Crud Guy!

- Oh, my God.
- Here you go. Pizza cash.

Get out of here with that shirt.

- Weirdo.
- Hey, there, Cousin Uncle Jake.

Hey, there, Loren's sad friend.

- What's up?
- Can I bend your ear for a sec?

- Yeah, I'm listening. Pizza cash.
- Check this out.

Listen, I got some real prime merch

I'm willing to give you
a great price on.

Check these out.

Oh, my gosh, he's trying
to get Jake to sell his merch.

- It's so sad.
- Shoemaker is Wing-Ding Kid repellent.

I got to get him out of there.

- But mostly that.
- Shoemaker, man, get out of here.

We're working on something
that doesn't concern you.

Actually, we're working on something

that doesn't concern you.

Cuz, reign in that bronco, okay?

He's giving me a great deal on merch,

and I can re-purpose this stuff,

use it for napkins or even those, uh...

Those shirts that the rappers
twirl around all the time.

- North Cackalacky!
- Whoo!

- No, no!
- Let it go, Shoemaker.

- North Cackalacky!
- Face it, you're washed up.

Time for somebody else to have a turn.

You know, I'm sorry that
the Internet doesn't love you

and they think that
you're an otter, okay?

Your jealousy stinks.

Now, why don't you get out of here
and go back to your dam, otter?

Otters don't live in dams.
You know that.

Here, why don't you use a napkin
to dry your otter tears?

Stop saying "otter"!

You pick that up!

Why don't you make me pick that up?!

Oh, I'll gladly make you.

You want to do something
about it, Shoemaker?!

Hey, get off my cousin!

Take your damn hands off of him!

North Cackalacky!

Let's go help him. He's a celebrity.

- Fairbell, wait.
- No!

Wait!

Trash fight! He's famous.

Hey, stop it! Ow!

- Ohh!
- Ooh!

Well...?

out of ?

No, see, that's not funny.
There's no stakes.

Now, if you had kicked
Jake in the d*ck...

Ohh! Fuddruckers!

That's... Ohh!

Aah!

Guys, your wing-ding bait is here!

BOTH: Twins!

- Get off me!
- Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Easy with the hard fighting, all right?

I don't know how to
treat serious injuries.

- Aha! So you're a fraud.
- I'm not a fraud.

- You can't treat serious injuries?
- I'm not a fraud. You're a fraud.

- Get that finger out of my face.
- Oh, I'll put this finger in.

I'll put this finger in.

- Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Really, really.

- Take that, huh?
- Ohh! God! Ohh!

[LAUGHTER]

[ALL GRUNTING, GROANING]

Wing-ding!

[CHEERING]

- Damn it!
- He got us!

Yes!

- Wing-ding!
- [LAUGHS]

"Epic fail, sad loser, fat teacher fight

- gets 'wing-dinged.'"
- Oh, my God.

Well, I guess that would explain
my coffee this morning.

[CHUCKLES]

And they spit in it.
You know, I can always tell.

Silver lining... The most popular

"Wing-Ding" video of all time.

A couple kids in my third-period
study hall recognized me.

- Hey!
- Ow!

Sorry.

A win for women everywhere.
God damn it!

Well, I proved what I set out
to prove all along,

which is that I could be
a big Internet celebrity,

but I'm just not desperate

enough to need that kind of fame.

Chalk up another win
for the good guys, huh?

- Ow!
- Hey, do you think that

they could link this video
to the Holy Crud Guy e-store?

I don't think that's gonna help.

My favorite part was when
the retreaded gym teacher

jumped into it.

That guy was hilarious.
Let's watch it again.

- No.
- Come on!

- No. Come on, man.
- times for luck.

- That's what they say.
- One more time.

That's what they say.

Hey! It's me!

Another commercial? Jake, come on.

You may know me as "Fuddruckers" Guy.

And I'm Wing-Ding Kid.

And you should check out
our new collaboration...

The new Uncle Jake's extra-large

- Wing-Ding Pizza.
- Wing ding!

With bone-in chicken wings
baked into the crust.

- See that?
- Yeah, just don't swallow the bones.

Seriously, that disclaimer
makes us exempt

from any bullshit you try to bring.

- Wing-dings!
- Fuddruckers!

- Wing-di-i-ings!
- Fuddruckers!

You don't have to go further.

- It's my ad.
- Yeah, but my name is...-

Just take your bucks and
get the f*ck out of here.

- It's $ .
- No, it's not.

ANNOUNCER: Uncle Jake's Pizzeria.

Not affiliated with Fuddruckers
USA or any of its subsidiaries.

Wind-breaking fucker.