03x12 - The Roger and Me

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Lethal w*apon". Aired: September 2016 to February 2019.*
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"Lethal w*apon" is based on the action film series of the same name, in which a slightly unhinged cop is partnered with a veteran detective trying to maintain a low stress level in his life.
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03x12 - The Roger and Me

Post by bunniefuu »


♪ (SIREN WAILING)

MURTAUGH: Stop! LAPD!

Let's get him, partner.

I think I'm getting too old for this.

Suck it up, Avery.

He's getting away.

♪ ♪

(ENGINE REVS)

(TIRES SCREECHING)

He's gonna hit us!

(SHOUTS)

Not today, partner.

(WHOOPS)

(TIRES SCREECH)

I'm not going back to jail.

♪ ♪

(WHOOPS)

- (GRUNTS)
- (MURTAUGH WHOOPS)

Wow.

You just got Roger'd.

MAN: Did you really say that?

Of course.

It's a crucial part of a move
I like to call the Roger.

Things must have been pretty
wild back when you were a cop.

Oh, no, I'm still a cop.

That was... that was,
like, ten years ago.

But you said some about a mullet.

(LAUGHING): Well,

I'm taking creative license.

(BELL RINGS)

That is all the time we have for today.

Let's hear a round of applause
for Detective Murtaugh.

You are

- a natural up here.
- Thank you.

I got a feeling your class is gonna be

a cadet favorite in no time.

My class? No, I'm just a guest lecturer.

Yeah, but you were recommended
for a full-time gig.

I thought you guys just bring in
distinguished detectives to speak.

Oh, no, no, no.

Somebody reached out to us.

Gave us the impression you were retiring.

Who?

It was you?

Avery and I were having lunch.

Avery. Nothing good comes
from having lunch with that man.

He mentioned the guest lecture program,

and I thought you would enjoy it.

I did.

And the kids, they loved my stories,

especially the Roger.

You told them about the Roger?

No.

Not that Roger.

(CHUCKLES)

The professional Roger.

But that's not the point. The point is,

you were conspiring
to put me out to pasture.

(CHUCKLES): Oh, my gosh, Roger.

That is ridiculous. Just the other night,

you were talking about
what you might like to do next.

That was pillow talk.

Well, you got me to thinking, too.

Um, starting my own practice

hasn't been as fulfilling as I hoped.

Well, a job is a job.

The fulfillment comes
in actually doing the job.

Okay, as inspiring as that is...

...I think there could be more for us.

Maybe it's time to think
about our second act.

What are you picturing?

I don't know.

(CHUCKLES) You and me... the lido deck...

cruising the Amalfi Coast.

You're talking about us retiring?

Just slowing down a bit.

You know, taking time for ourselves,

without any cases interfering.

That sounds like a wonderful second act.

Eventually.

- ERICA: You weren't exaggerating.
- COLE: What, the room?

Can't be the first time you
spent the night at a motel.

Well, one that rents by the hour.

Hey, this is a classy place.

Supposed to be temporary.

I thought I was gonna move
back in with my ex,

- but that wasn't meant to be.
- Bzzz!

Ooh. Nice use of the emotional safe word.

Great system, right?

I developed it with my ex
after the first time we...

- Bzzz!
- Oh, good.

Touché.

I like this thing that we're doing.

No complaints here.

Fun, easy. Why make
things all complicated?

What could possibly be
complicated about this?

(KNOCK ON DOOR)

Oh, crap, I lost track of time.

What, is our hour up already?

Oh, boy. It's Maya.

Natalie just dropped her off
on her way out of town.

Oh, okay.

- Hi.
- COLE: Hey, kiddo.

You're early.

Yeah. Uh, who's she?

- Plumber.
- Housekeeping.

Uh, housekeeping plumber.

She's wearing a dress and heels.

High-end service.

One of those weird L.A. things.

But, boy, can she unclog a toilet.

Sure can. And I got to get going,

because the tub in 25
is not gonna snake itself.

♪ ♪

(EXCITED CHATTER, CHEERING)

♪ I'm gonna hunt you down ♪

♪ Yeah, I ain't playing around ♪

♪ I'm-a take your crown ♪

♪ Man better run, gonna hunt you down ♪

Give that to the Swede.

♪ Who's the bravest? ♪

♪ Let me know how far
you want to take this ♪

♪ I've been having dreams of winning ♪

♪ I can see myself in... ♪

I can't see, man.

- I can't see.
- Hey, hey.

Toughen up. You got this guy, huh?

Go out there. You're an animal.

♪ You got no options ♪

♪ We win by any means
necessary, you got it? ♪

♪ I'm gonna hunt you down ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, I ain't playing around ♪

♪ I'm gonna hunt you down ♪

♪ Yeah. ♪

(HEAVY THUD)

MURTAUGH: It was like
a punch in the face.

I mean, one minute
I'm on top of the world.

These cadets are hanging on
to my every word.

And then the next, Trish is telling me

I need to start a second act.

Second act? You're still
in the middle of your first.

I know. That's what I say.

I mean, look at me.

- I'm in my prime.
- SCORSESE: I don't know.

Trish might be onto something.

You should probably listen to her.

Shut up, Scorsese.

This is partner banter.

Mark Hardy, age 41.

d*ed of an aneurysm caused
by blunt force trauma.

You're not joking. Looks like he was on

the losing end of a brutal fight.

And he had livor mortis
pooling in his chest.

So someone moved him
to the gym postmortem.

You said "Hardy,"
as in the name on the gym?

That's my little brother.

This is the first piece of equipment

I ever bought for the gym.

I taught him everything
he knows on that bag.

You were his trainer, too?

Yeah, for a while.

But Mark's career was pretty much over.

He hadn't booked a real
gig in over a year.

Well, he scrapped
with someone last night.

His knuckles are all bruised up.

Yeah. After legit work dried up,

he started working with
this rich-kid investor.

He hooked him up with
this off-book circuit.

"Off-book."

Like an underground type of thing?

Yeah, no rules, no limits.

Dangerous stuff.

Do you know where he was last night

or who he fought?

Mark wouldn't tell me about his fights.

He knew I didn't approve.

Any chance they were
trying to send a message

- by leaving him here?
- I doubt it.

They had to cover their tracks,
leave him somewhere.

I think they were just bringing him home.

Look, I'm sorry.

It's just, Mark's wife, Maria,

she begged him a thousand times
to retire.

Excuse me.

See, Murtaugh?

Maybe he should have
listened to his wife.

TRISH (LAUGHS): Don't get me wrong.

I love my clients. It's just that...

Feels like you're running
in place, right?

Yes. And especially since the D.A.
wants to plead out

every single case; it's so frustrating.

You're fighting the
individual battles, but it's

the institution, it's the
system that's the problem.

Exactly. What am I gonna do?

Hi. I'm meeting Captain Avery.

Huh? Change the whole system myself?

What are you smiling about?

Hold that thought.

AVERY: Perfect timing. Cynthia Hahn,

- meet...
- Trish Murtaugh.

- What a pleasure.
- Oh.

Captain Avery's told me so much.

Oh, I guess I'm at a disadvantage.

Cynthia is a political consultant.

I met her on my city council campaign.

For the record, I told him
that those buttons were

- A-very bad idea...
- AVERY: Mmm...

- AVERY: They were bad.
- ...and I was right.

Oh, so you are running again.

Okay, um, did not bring my checkbook.

Not me. Cynthia's looking for someone

to run for district attorney.

CYNTHIA: Mm-hmm.

Someone who's put in their time

with the public defender's
office, in the private sector,

and for the Innocence Project.

Maybe she has a cop husband
and three photogenic kids.

(LAUGHS) Me?

Avery, is this a joke?

You said she was interested.
She doesn't seem interested.

I said she would be interested.

Will you look at that? I have to run.

Avery... Why don't you two

talk about this over lunch.
Whatever you want, it's on me.

Uh, I am flattered, but...

I don't know anything about politics.

Well, the first rule is never
say no to a free meal.

(CHUCKLES) Avery can still

buy us lunch, even if
he's wasting our time.

But something tells me that he isn't.

SCORSESE: The tox report showed he had

a near-lethal dose
of ketamine in his blood.

And bruising around
the injection point indicates

it wasn't his choice.

Someone gave him a sedative
before a fight?

Must not have wanted him

- to come out alive.
- GUTE: Hey, Murtaugh.

I heard you were at
the Academy yesterday.

My roommate said you're her new teacher.

Yeah. Old guy's being put out to pasture.

No one's being put out to any pastures.

And it was a guest lecture.

Yeah, she said you spent the whole time

bragging about some kung fu

flying kick you did years ago.

She is referring to the Roger,

my signature move.

Signature move?

Yeah.

I've been here, like, ten years,
and I have never seen it.

You want me to do it here, now,
in the morgue?

See, I told her you could never
get your leg up that high.

Is there another reason why
you are bothering me right...?

Yes, sir. Parker Adams.

Bankrolled our vic's career
for the past year.

Surprise. He's got a half-million-dollar

life insurance policy on Mark Hardy.

Sounds like motive. All right,
Cole and I will go talk to him.

Hey, while you're out there,

if it's the right time
and place, and you feel like

breaking out that move...

You know, like, if you still can do it.

Oh, I can still do it, all right.

You trust me.

COLE: So you just throw your
badge, and then you kick 'em?

No, you Philistine.

It's a multi-step process.

First, you toss,

and then you just take two steps.

You plant and pivot.

Kee-yah!

- Like a pirouette.
- Not a pirouette.

Like a... like a pivot.

Like a manly pivot.

Anyway, you come in flying foot first.

I can't wait to see it in action.

LAPD. We're looking for Parker Adams.

- This way.
- (PHONE RINGING)

♪ ♪

It's Maya's school.
Natalie's out of town.

Mind if we hang back for a sec?

Yeah, I got this.
Sure you want to go in alone?

I think I can handle a trust
fund kid alone for two minutes.

Detective Cole.

Hello, Mr. Cole. This is Miss Dowd.

Dowd? I feel like
I should know that name.

I'm the vice principal.

You get e-mails from me once a week.

Oh, right.

I love your e-mails.

Is everything okay with Maya?

Great vintage.

Better be for five K a bottle.

I'd offer you a glass, Detective,

but, uh, you're on the job.

Gee, investing in MMA fighters
must be lucrative.

Sometimes. Pick the right guy.

What kind of guy was Mark Hardy?

Ah. Yeah, terrible thing
that happened. Devastating.

Yeah, I can see you're
really broken up about it.

Well, it was more of a
professional relationship.

I mean, tragic, but I really
don't know anything about it.

If you don't mind, we're
in the middle of something.

Mind seeing the officer out?

Come on, man, let's go.

You assaulting an officer?

DOWD: Unfortunately, Maya has
been suspended for two days.

During her debate practice
today, she started a fight.

Maya?

You sure you got the right kid?

Maya's a good kid.

We just don't know
what's gotten into her.

(GRUNTING, CLATTERING)

dr*gs.

- Excuse me?
- Got to go.

(SHOUTING)

(YELLS)

(GROANS)

(GRUNTING)

Was that the Roger?

I pictured it differently in my head.

Need a hand?

I'm fine. I don't need help.

Okay.

DOWD: Mr. Cole,

do you have any idea where Maya

might have picked up
such aggressive behavior?

Well, I hate to say it, but
her mom's got quite a temper.

Well, I'm still waiting
for Tommy's parents to arrive.

Wait, that was Tommy in the hallway?

He's huge. Maya b*at him
in a fight? That's awesome.

That is not the administration's
perspective, Mr. Cole.

Right. Yeah.

Fighting is bad.

You definitely had to
suspend her for that one.

I'll tell her no more fighting,

get her back here in a couple days.

Maybe I should talk with Dr. Flynn.

No. No, no, no, no, no.

I can handle this, okay?
I know my daughter.

- She's a great kid.
- I agree.

In my experience, when a kid
like Maya starts acting out,

it's because something
might be going on at home.

Yeah.

Her mom's getting married.
Maybe that's it.

You could try listening to Maya,

having an open and honest dialogue.

Open and honest.

Yeah, okay. I can do that.

MURTAUGH: We found quite the array

of illicit dr*gs in your house, Parker.

So you better start spilling.

Here's the thing.

You searched my house without a warrant,

you broke a priceless antique vase,

and you smashed your foot
through my wall.

Well, that was, uh, part
of a sophisticated move that...

Pretty sure the sophisticated
lawyer I have on retainer's

gonna have me out of here in no time.

You seem very confident for a man

with a half-a-million-dollar
motive to k*ll Mark Hardy.

(LAUGHS SOFTLY)

The life insurance policy?

(QUIETLY): The life insurance.

Did you even read the fine print?

Did you forget your reading glasses?

I can read it.

Well, it says that the policy is void

if there are dr*gs found in his system.

Says that, I think,
right here, clear as...

Look, I don't even know
why you're hassling me.

I mean, Mark's brother was
the one sleeping with his wife.

Frank? The trainer?

You got it.

(GRUNTS)

Did you just groan, old man?

No.

Maybe I should take a
policy out on you, huh?

COLE: You better get used to
this. You keep down this path,

you will find yourself in a
whole lot of bullpens like this.

Or you can tell me why you shoved Tommy.

Because he told the entire debate team

that I couldn't argue family values

because I don't have a real family.

Oh.

That's not very nice.

But you didn't have to shove him.

Come on. Talk to me.

We can have an open
and honest dialogue about this.

Your plumber is here.

Why don't you go have an open
and honest dialogue with her?

Her name is Erica.
She's not really my plumber.

Duh.

(QUIETLY): Okay.

Um...

This is Erica. She's actually my girlf...

No. Coworker.

Lady. Woman. Uh... I don't know.

Dad, just stop. I'm embarrassed for you.

Okay.

It's nice to meet you, officially.

Don't get too attached.

He's not the kind of guy
that sticks around.

Maya.

He'll probably just get you pregnant

and then abandon you for 12 years.

(LAUGHS): Oh. Ooh, I hope not.

Maya Ann Flynn, that's enough.

Go to the conference room now.

Wow.

Just for the record,
I didn't abandon her.

It was more of...

(STAMMERS) That was too much.

I... It's okay. I get it. Kids are a lot.

We're gonna keep this thing
light, though, right?

Mm-hmm.

Just pretend none of this happened?

Yeah, we're good.

Yeah, I'll-I'll see you later?

Yeah.

Maya just totally sunk me with Erica.

Why would she do that?

You've been back less than a year.

Kid's still trying to figure
out if she can trust you.

And then you lied about the plumber.

I know.

Erica and I are just trying
to keep things uncomplicated.

Well, that ship might have sailed.

You're so insightful, Roger.

Not just insightful, but wise.

There's our guy.

Wise as in...

old and wise?

No. What's going on?

That punk kid really got into my head.

Got me thinking maybe Trish is right.

No.

You're in the best shape of your life.

Your reflexes are as sharp as a tack.

Come on, let's go. Let's go!

Let's go. Frank, Frank!

Got to run, Roger. Follow me.

Where's the money, Frank?

The Swede's money, where is it?

Hey, guys, what money
are we talking about?

Drive! Go, go! Now!

(SIREN WAILING)

(TIRES SCREECHING)

Where's the Swede's money?

(GRUNTING)

(TIRES SCREECHING)

Come on, Frank, let's go.

(THUDDING)

Oh, my God, wha-what have I done?

(PANTING)

Look at those reflexes.

So sharp.

Frank?

GUTE: So, what'd the guys
in the van want with you?

The big blond guy's the Swede.
Heard a rumor

that Mark tried to rip him off...
50 grand.

GUTE: Why'd Mark need that kind of dough?

FRANK: Well, why'd Mark do anything?

He's chasing fame and fortune,
like always.

And if it's true, I guess
he tried to take a shortcut.

And what's the Swede's deal?

How'd Mark get involved with him?

Oh, he used to be a brawler himself.

Known for fighting dirty.

Now he runs the off-book circuit.

He preys on, like, old,
washed-up fighters

with nowhere to go.

GUTE: Do you have any idea
where we can find him?

No. I told the other guys I did
my best to stay out of all that.

So your brother got caught up,
but you got out. Why?

I woke up one day
not as sharp as I used to be.

And I thought to myself,
"What am I doing here,

chasing a past glory
that'll never come back?"

(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)

Hey. What are you still doing here?

That rich kid you picked up...

his lawyer is a real pain in the ass.

Right. Sorry about that.

I'm also sorry about... you know.

We're not gonna talk about it because...

you know, we don't talk about
those kinds of things, but, uh,

I'm in way over my head with Maya.

Okay.

Well, we're not talking about it,

but, hypothetically,

I may also have been a 12-year-old girl,

- so I...
- (ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)

Wait. Hold on.

Here's the thing.

I don't even know what
she's talking about.

I thought everything was going
great these past six months.

Sure, but you can't erase 12 years

of a person's childhood in six months.

But you see me. I'm here now.

I see a fun, casual guy

who lives in a motel, nothing
too serious tying him down.

Maya probably sees the same thing.

You want me to be more serious?

I don't.

I like what we have
because it's not serious.

I think it works for us, because frankly,

this thing has an expiration date.

Right.

But a father-daughter relationship,

hypothetically, that's forever.

I know that.

I'm not going anywhere.

But does she know that?

Hey, where'd you go?

Thought you were gonna bust my balls

about my technique.

You had it under control.

Yeah, you better believe it.
Frank's alibi cleared;

he was at the wife's house all night.

Any luck tracking down the Swede?

Yeah. Got a name: Sven Olsen.

Put a BOLO out. Big dude like that,

somebody's got to spot him soon, right?

Let me know when the BOLO hits.

You staying out here?

Just trying to stay sharp.

♪ ♪

(CHUCKLES)

- (FRONT DOOR OPENS)
- Oh, my goodness.

(DOOR CLOSES)

All right, baby, I'm in.

That's great, baby.

That's great.

In... in for what?

You, me, the lido deck.

Sipping prosecco under the stars.

Doing the one Roger
that I can still pull off.

(LAUGHS) As much as I appreciate this,

where is this coming from?

Did something happen?

I went to the sh**ting range after work.

Whoa, look at you.

That's a perfect sh*t.

No. I missed two.

Roger, come on.

This is still pretty damn good.

Well, you got to be perfect
to do this job.

I can't afford to make mistakes.

And today, I made a few big ones.

Okay, so you had a bad day.

- It happens.
- (WINE POURING)

You just got to get back on the wagon.

What happened to the lido deck?

Honey.

The lido deck will still be there.

But like you said,

way down the road.

Four to eight years,

to be exact.

Why four to eight years exactly?

Because it is the term length for...


(WHISPERING): the district attorney.

(CHUCKLES)

(LAUGHING): I know. Honey, listen.

- It just, it's... Yes!
- District attorney?

The opportunity just fell in my lap.

- Avery thought that I could run.
- Avery.

What-what happened to no more lunches?

Okay. Honey, I know it's crazy,
I mean, politics, but...

this might be my chance to
finally make a real difference.

- (LAUGHING): Right.
- What?

So, all this talk about
slowing down applies to me,

not you.

Teaching and politics,

- they're both exciting new chapters.
- No.

One's an exciting new chapter.

The other is an obituary.

I can't believe this.

Neither can I.

I get a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity,

and you find a way to make it
about your existential crisis.

Really.

And-and where are you going?

I'm going to do the Trish.

Alone?

(DISTANT SIRENS WAILING)

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

- Maria, you okay?
- (SNIFFLING)

- What happened?
- That big guy, the Swede.

He was waiting for me when I got home.

Son of a bitch.

He came after me, too.

He kept asking me about
some money Mark stole.

Gave me 24 hours to bring it to him.

But I don't know about any money, Frank.

Mark stashed it here.

Did the Swede tell you
where he's gonna be?

Yeah, somewhere in Chinatown.

But we got to go to the cops, Frank.

I can't do that.

What are you gonna do?

I'm gonna put an end to this thing.

Hey.

If you're wondering why
I'm still here, plumber,

I got suspended.

You mean housekeeping plumber, right?

I'm sorry about that whole thing.

Not my proudest moment.

What'd you do to get suspended?

Shoved a kid in debate club.

Yeah, highly suspendable move.

You know... (SIGHS)

I got suspended quite a bit

- when I was your age.
- You?

Oh, yeah.

My parents got divorced, and, well...

my dad had a plumber, too.

Only, she was also my former babysitter.

So let me guess.

You grew to love her or something?

Is that supposed to be the lesson here?

Definitely not.

I hated her with the
passion of 1,000 suns

until the day my dad
finally divorced her, too.

Oh.

I was angry at the world.

My dad tried so hard
to get through to me,

but I just wanted to make him suffer.

It was... it sucked.

Yeah, that sucks.

If you need to hate me, I get it.

But I kind of hope
you'll find a better way

to deal with it than I did.

Because you seem like a
much smarter kid than I was.

AVERY: Gute said you
called in "old" this morning?

I said I had a cold.

And that I'd be working from home today.

Good, because I didn't know how

to fill out the paperwork
on the other one.

I'm trying to track down any mention

of the Swede in our files.

And obsessing over target practice?

Let me guess. You and Trish had lunch.

She said you were upset because
you didn't sh**t a perfect 12.

No, I'm upset because it
clearly shows that I'm too old

- to be in the field.
- Come on, Roger.

Meanwhile, Trish is off to start

a whole new adventure.

These are some of the targets

from your file over the years.

Take a gander.

- Well, that can't be.
- Yeah.

They're worse
than what you did yesterday.

Way worse.

You're a better sh*t now
than you were ten years ago.

But everything's been off.

You had a bad day.

You're not a bad cop.

The only thing I worry about
is your memory.

So you're saying I can
still do the Roger?

Roger...

You could never do the Roger.

And this business with the mullet?

- It's bad memory.
- No, it was a mullet.

- No, it was not.
- It used to get in my mouth

when you'd do this.

That was my bangs.

COLE: You will complete
every last bit of homework

in addition to the bonus assignments

from your teachers.

Suspension is not a holiday.

Sorry I got suspended.

I was just really mad.

Why?

'Cause you gave up on Mom.

You came back so we could be a family,

and now we can't.

So, you're probably
gonna leave again, right?

That's what you're worried about?

Well, why would you stay?

I know that...

I was gone for too long.

But you were always on my mind.

You, Maya.

You are the reason why I came back.

You know that, right?

Yeah. I know.

It's just... sometimes I'm not sure.

I know that I have a lot to
learn about being a dad.

(CHUCKLES) Like...

not lying about plumbers, for one thing.

Yeah, that was pretty lame.

You need to know that,

no matter what else I do in this world,

I will never give up on you.

So, now that we both agree
that this is all your fault,

uh, does that still mean
I have to do all this homework?

Nice try.

Get to work.

- You're the cop that picked up Frank?
- That's right.

- Is everything okay?
- I need your help.

Frank's about to do
something really stupid.

♪ We don't ever fall out
over money, that's loyalty ♪

♪ That product moving fast ♪

♪ Keep it coming, that's loyalty ♪

♪ No one got left behind ♪

♪ I brought 'em with me, that's loyalty ♪

♪ And if it's ever a problem... ♪

I want to see the Swede.

No one by that name around here.

Tell him I got what he wants.

♪ Loyalty, I'm talking loyalty... ♪

Let him in.

Follow me.

♪ Ain't nothing free,
I do it for you for a fee ♪

♪ Started with a li'l buzz,
now them know it's me ♪

♪ Young black intelligent kings,
no slaves, we owner-free ♪

♪ It ain't where you started from ♪

♪ It's about where you gonna be... ♪

You got my money, Frank?

Don't ever lay a hand on Maria again.

It's over.

♪ Keep my back to these haters... ♪

Not quite.

(GRUNTING)

(g*n CLICKS)

No. Don't k*ll him.

Got a better idea.

You want to fight? Let's fight.

GUTE: Don't take your coat off.

BOLO came back on the Swede.
I got an address

somewhere in Chinatown. Come on.

Where's Cole?

Heard he took off
looking for Frank Hardy.

He could be headed
to the same place we are.

He went alone?

Yeah, I guess no one else was here.

MAN: Good one tonight.

♪ Blindfolded in the dark... ♪

Whoa, whoa.

Private party.

♪ My own mistakes... ♪

Hey. I said private...

♪ Tell me to believe in faith,
tell me leave it all to God ♪

♪ Dreaming got me wide awake ♪

♪ Staring in the black night ♪

♪ What if I was destined
to be something great? ♪

♪ A legend in my past life ♪

♪ When I write, I feel the fire
flowing through the graphite ♪

♪ Racing like a supercar
ripping through the fast life ♪

♪ If you b*at what I b*at... ♪

You ready, Frank?

The hell?

You have the same chance
your brother had.

Good.

I didn't miss the fight.

(SHOUTING)

Come on, Frank. Let's go.

Come on, buddy.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

(HEART THUMPING)

Where do you think you're going?

(MUFFLED, DISTORTED CHEERING)

Four on one? That doesn't seem fair.

AUDIENCE: Oh!

Come on!

(AUDIENCE SHOUTING)

(SCATTERED APPLAUSE)

AUDIENCE: Oh!

(AUDIENCE SHOUTING)

(MUFFLED, DISTORTED CHEERING)

(GROANING)

(SIRENS WAILING)

OFFICER: Go, go!

Move! The door!

(STRAINED GRUNTING)

(MUFFLED, DISTORTED VOICES)

COLE: I will never...

give up on you.

(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)

MAN: Hey, he's got a Kn*fe!

WOMAN: Oh, my God,
he's gonna k*ll that guy.

MAN: Let's get out of here.

(FRANTIC CHATTER)

(SHOUTS)

(GRUNTS)

(WHOOPING)

(GROANS)

You okay, partner?

Was that the Roger?

Close enough.

COLE: I was a goner for sure.

And I look up, and I see
this bare-chested god

flying to my rescue.

(YELLS)

You've just been Roger'd.

(FANFARE PLAYING)

AVERY: Hold on. What?
Where did the flag come from?

Yeah, and at no point was he shirtless.

Oh, look, all I'm saying,
it was the most incredible thing

I've ever witnessed in my life.

So, you really pulled off the Roger?

Hey.

The man saw what the man saw.

(CLICKS TONGUE)

Wait, so how high were you?

(SCHOOL BELL RINGS)

Just unlock my door.
People can see us, Dad.

You have to promise.

Fine. I promise not
to hurt anyone physically.

Go on.

Or verbally.

(SIGHS)

I promise to be my best,

most delightful, wonderful,

joyful self.

That's my girl. Bring it in.

- Seriously? Dad...
- Come on, bring it in.

Come on. Bring it.

Fine.

- I love you.
- I love you, too.

Okay, your mom's gonna pick you up.

Right, I'm just a phone
call away if you need me.

Or I could just hang out
in the parking lot.

Don't be a creeper.

And besides, don't you have
better things to do?

Actually, I do.

Thinking of looking for an apartment.

Slowly.

Cool.

Maybe you should call
your plumber. She can help.

Erica?

Yeah. She's not so bad.

- Bye, Dad.
- Bye.

CYNTHIA: With polling, research,

ad buys, and you're gonna have to hire

at least two full-time staffers.

I did not realize
how expensive this all was.

That's what super PACs are for.

I want to make real change,

and I am willing to sacrifice
for that change.

I love a candidate with morals.
It is so refreshing.

(LAUGHS) Oh.

Oh, sorry. Excuse me.

Oh, the detective husband.

Oh, yes.

You are gonna look fantastic

next to a podium in those police blues.

The broad shoulders,

- the g*n... America.
- (CELL PHONE RINGING)

- (LAUGHS)
- Public's gonna eat it up.

- Excuse me.
- I like her.

Good, 'cause you might
be seeing a lot of her.

So this means that you're running?

Honey, no. This is
an exploratory meeting.

I wouldn't make a decision like
that without talking to you.

What, you think I'm gonna let
you pass up the opportunity

to be the best D.A.
this city's ever seen?

So you're okay with this
being our second act?

Of course. Who needs a lido deck
when we got Sacramento?

- What?
- And it's not stopping at D.A.

Oh, hell no. Third act:
Governor Murtaugh.

(LAUGHS)

FOURTH ACT: President Murtaugh.

(LAUGHS): Okay. Wait.

FIFTH ACT: Pope Murtaugh.

Stop. One act at a time, please.

Mm.

You sure?

Absolutely.

Mm. Thank you.

- Mm.
- I love you.

♪ Pick me apart ♪

♪ And look inside... ♪

ERICA: I think I got everything
we need for tonight.

Tequila, beer,

- ice cream...
- And a DVD of the classic film

Every Which Way But Loose?

Right. Clint Eastwood and a monkey.

He's an orangutan.

And his performance will make you weep.

I can't take you seriously
when you say stuff like that.

Well, it's a good thing
that we're not serious.

Hate to break it to you, Cole,
but we may have accidentally

gotten a little serious.

Because you gave me advice
about my daughter?

And you followed it.
You know what that means?

No more fun for us.

Just very important, serious
adult conversations from now on.

Good luck with that.

Me?

(SCOFFS) I am very adult.

You're the one
who's weeping over a monkey.

He's an orangutan.

Right. What's that?

♪ The old me won't work... ♪

Oh, yeah.

- Very adult.
- Mm-hmm.

♪ Oh, oh, oh, I'm your passenger... ♪

Uh-uh. Mm. No...

♪ I'm your passenger... ♪

Okay. Okay, okay.

(LAUGHS) No, stop. Stop.

I just bought this dress, for you.

It looks pretty.
Your burgers are burning.
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