05x23 - Relatively Grown Man

[bunniefuu]

DRE: There are moments in your life,
whether you know it or not,

that are life-changing.

And so far, one of the biggest
moments in Junior's life

has been that he took a...

- Gap year.
- Gap year.

- Gap year?
- Gap year.

- Gap year.
- Gap year.

- Gap year.
- Gap year.

- Gap year.
- Gap year?

- Gap year.
- Gap year.

- Gap year.
- Gap year?

I took a gap year.

As his gap year was coming to a close,

Junior had made some real progress.

In just one year, he'd gone from intern

to Josh's assistant

to his greatest accomplishment of all...

getting me as a mentor.

And it didn't stop there,
which is why we took him out

to an old-fashioned
steak dinner to celebrate.

[Glass clinking]

- All right. Uh, everyone.
- Cheers.

Uh, let's raise our glass to Junior.

- Aww!
- Junior.

I am proud of you
and your new summer job...

as a Twitter nerd.

[Laughter]

Well, my official title is

Social Media Marketing Coordinator.

Social Media say what tuh tey?

Oh, I'd be helping to build and maintain

an online presence while...

Junior, that don't help Grandma, baby.

[Chuckles]

Well, anyway, I'd like
to propose a toast

to Mom and Dad.

- Aww.
- Aww.

- I love that.
- Okay.

Thank you, guys, for patiently waiting

during my gap year.

You know, I know it was a slow start.

More like no start.

- [Laughs] Count it!
- Mm-hmm.

[Chuckles] But if this new job
is an indication of anything,

it is that I made the right decision.

So, Mom, Dad...

- I've decided not to go back to college.
- POPS: Uh-oh.

- Boy, what the hell you talking about?
- RUBY: Oh, Lord.

- Excuse me?
- This wasn't a life-changing moment.

It was a life-ending one.

♪♪

Sit your ass down.

Either I heard you wrong

or we're about to get kicked out
of this restaurant.

No. I mean it.

I'm not going back to Howard.

I... I don't understand.

Uh, Junior made you a promise,

and now he's breaking it
in a public place

so you won't make a scene.

Well, I...

am not afraid to make a scene.

Me either.

- You are going to college.
- Baby.

So, let me tell you how we got here.

Like a good summer jams playlist,

it all started with Migos.

My colleagues were pitching
Quavo from Migos

for them to do a tour sponsored
by one of our clients,

as well as a series of commercials.

It... wasn't going great.

We basically are feeling

that Migos would be a perfect match

with one of our... our favorite brands,

which is Boxable.

It's an off-brand UPS.

Tell Quavo about the boxes.

All right... "Boxable.

They drop packages

faster than Migos drops dope tracks."

It seem like a poor fit.

- Mm.
- I was hoping to hear

more of a social-media angle.

Aw, well, we don't want to
bore you with all the details.

[Laughter]

Now, details... I love details.

That's why I handle
the Migos marketing business.

- Hm.
- Takeoff handle the jets.

Skrrt, skrrt!

And Offset, he on the logistics.

Brrt!

Mm, well, you know who else
is also about logistics?

Boxable.

Brrt! [Chuckles]

- Phone call.
- CHARLIE: Joshua!

You're being a culture vulture.

♪♪

So, we understand it's a "no,"

but hopefully we can
still find a project

to work on someday.

Well, why don't you tell them
about your idea?

Uh, y-yeah. Um, it's no big deal,

but you mentioned social media,

and I think the best kind of ad

is one that you don't know is an ad.

So, what would've been cool
is if you guys posted videos

of you sending tickets
to your fans using Boxable.

That way, everybody looks good.

You know, we are looking
for some new drip

to add to our social media.

Why don't you come down
to our concert tomorrow?

- Let's chop it up.
- Yeah. I-I'll be there.

[Chuckles]

- Hey! See?
- [Laughs]

Is... Is... Is that okay?

Did you... Did...
Did I just poach your client?

- And become friends with Quavo?
- Hey!

Am I best friends with Quavo?!

Fool, you are not friends with Quavo.

But you did impress him.

Nothing wrong with taking your sh*t.

Good for you, son.

And Quavo's job offer led us to this.

No... college?

Explain yourself.

Well...

I've been thinking about it for a while.

- It's like I said to Jack, I don't know...
- You told Ja...

- [Plate clatters]
- You knew, Jack?

Explain yourself.

Uh... D... Diane knew, too!

What? He's not my kid.

- Why is nobody explaining themselves?!
- Shh, shh. Shh, shh. Dre.

Guys. Listen, I mean,

people with a four-year college degree

are desperately applying

for the kind of job that I have.

And... And I already know

what I'm gonna be learning
in school, and...

No, you don't. College isn't
just about the academic stuff.

When I was in college, I fell in love,

I learned how to live on my own.

You should try that again sometime.

- I...
- [Chuckles]

Well, if it's about learning,

then I can get a library card
for cheaper,

and if it's about life,
that's what I'm gonna be living.

He's got a point.

You forget who's paying for dinner?

Listen to your parents, boy.

Dad... tell me the last time

you used your Howard education at work.

I use my degree every day.

- Mm-hmm.
- When I'm saving lives.

Every day.

I cannot believe this.

Our son is going to
throw his future away

to manage some hashtags

for the guys in Migos.

- DRE: Okay. Okay.
- POPS: Wait a minute.

Migos is a group of guys?

Well, how many guys is in Drake?

[Plate clatters]

What the hell was he thinking?!

He wasn't thinking.

He's lost his mind!

Dre, this entire year has been a waste!

- Yeah, well, yes, it has.
- And you know what?

- It's your fault!
- Oh. What?

For supporting him!

I miss the old days, Dre,
when you would deal with him

by just chopping him in the throat!

You spent 18 years trying
to get me to support him,

and now that I finally do, you're mad?!

- [Sighing] Okay.
- Make up your mind, woman!

[Sighs] This was not the plan.

The plan was he was gonna go to college,

then he was gonna go to medical
school, and then in 10 years,

someone was gonna call out
"Dr. Johnson,"

and we were both gonna turn around,

and we would laugh
and be like..."[Laughs]

Which one? Do you mean him,
or do you mean me?"

- That was the plan.
- [Sighing] God.

What if he becomes an advertising lifer

with no higher education?

So, Junior, what do you got?

[As Charlie] I, uh, failed
to complete my assignment,

as my computer was compromised

by the possums
squatting in my home office.

Now, if you're wondering

why didn't I just do my work
in my kitchen nook,

simple...

more possums.

Hmm.

That makes sense to me.

Wonderful vest.

- My son, he has that one.
- Hm.

[Chuckles]

- [Gasps]
- [Gasps]

- Eustace.
- Eustace.

♪♪

[Groans]

Who would've thought that dragging him

into Stevens & Lido
would've led to this?

Seriously, what are we gonna do?

- [Sighing] Oh, my God.
- You know what, Bow?

After a dinner like that,

he's gonna expect us
to scream and go crazy.

- Mm-hmm.
- All right?

But he and I have been developing

a new relationship
over the past few months.

I'm gonna talk to him
at work tomorrow...

and not as his angry father,

but as his mentor.

- Fine.
- Mm-hmm.

- You try that, Dre.
- I will.

But if it were up to me,

I would not talk to him as his mother,

but as my foot up his ass!

♪♪

[Sighs]

Damn.

That was sexy.

So, right now...

I'm not your father.

I... am your mentor.

And your mentor uses his degree
in every pitch,

every brainstorm, every client meeting.

The life experiences I got at Howard

inform my work every day.

- Well, that's great.
- Mm-hmm.

But who's to say
my different life experiences

won't bring a different flavor?

I mean, after all,
if we all take the same path,

then the view never changes.

Ohh.

You know who the view never changes for?

Hmm?

My friend Tony from the neighborhood.

He didn't go to college.

And now he's dead.

[Scoffs]

Yeah, but he didn't die
from not going to college.

Excuse me?

Are you some kind
of cause-of-death scientist?

I don't think so.

Because you didn't go to college.

Be smart.

Tracking hashtags
for some hip-hop group?

Where does that lead?

Who knows?

If I do well, there is no telling

how many other artists
will want to work with me.

Exactly, son.

There is no telling.

Uh-huh.

So, you're telling me

you've never wanted
to break out on your own?

Set up your own shop?

I mean, yeah,

eventually, maybe,
when the time is right.

Well, I'd rather take a risk now

than wind up at a job
that I hate for 20 years.

Hey. I never said that.

You don't know
what you're talking about,

and you don't know what you're doing.

I know what I'm doing.

I'm betting on myself.

Don't be mad at me because I'm dunking

while you're sh**ting
granny free throws.

[Chuckles]

Granny free throws, huh?

♪♪

Okay.

Ah.

Here you go.

Wait. What are you doing?

Well, you said some stuff, so...

I packed some stuff.

Mom, are you okay with this?

You made your decision.

♪♪

Take care of yourself out there.

[Sighs]

♪♪

So, uh...

can I get a charger?

No!

[Chuckles]

Congratulations, Dre!

You kicked your first child
out the house.

- Mnh.
- There will be many more,

but you'll never forget your first.

Oh, by the way...

you're running low on Scotch.

You know what?

How about we go to the store
and get them some more?

Come on.

You know what?

You really did know how
to kick a kid out of the house.

- Sure did.
- [Laughs] Yeah.

[Laughs]

This really is the best thing for him.

- [Door closes]
- [Sighs]

- We can't keep enabling his delusions.
- Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

He needs tough love. You know?

Let him fail... and fail hard...
and then boom!

He will come to his senses.

- Okay, hold on.
- This, I know.

All right, I didn't kick him out
because I wanted him to fail.

It happened because he disrespected me.

- Granny sh*ts!
- Okay.

You know, maybe I did
make some compromises,

but we had a big family,
and we needed security,

and I never gave up on my dreams, Bow.
You know that.

You know I always wanted
to open up my own agency,

but it was just hard for me
to find the space.

- Mm-hmm.
- Hell, how can I wow clients

with an office
next to a Curves in Tarzana?!

You know, Stevens & Lido,

- they gave me opportunities.
- Mm-hmm.

- They gave me vacation days.
- Mm-hmm.

[Gasps] Oh, my God.

- Is he right about me?
- Okay. Okay. Okay.

Dre, babe, settle down. It's okay.

Okay, look.

- For real.
- Mm-hmm.

How much further would I be

if I went out on my own
and took bigger risks

when I was Junior's age?

Andre...

I know that he struck a nerve.

♪♪

But instead of obsessing
about what could've been,

you just need to
ask yourself the question...

are you happy with what you have now?

- Of course.
- Okay.

I love my life.

Could I have more shoes? Yeah.

[Sighs]

- Hey, but I have you.
- Yes.

- And great kids.
- Mm-hmm.

Well, most of them are great.

You wouldn't have all of this

if you had done one thing differently.

Every choice you have made
has been intentional.

And I know that because I've
been right here next to you!

You're right.

I'm proud of the life that we chose.

Yes. You should be.

- Mm-hmm.
- Mm-hmm.

- And guess what.
- What?

You're gonna tell our son

when he comes crawling back in here

in two days.

- Mm.
- Tops!

Actually, it's gonna be one day

if you didn't pack his Zyrtec.

Did you pack it, Dre?

- No.
- Ha ha!

Wow, these Russian bots
are really after Migos.

- Hey there.
- ZION: Hey!

Oh, I remember this.

An open door's a lot cheaper than AC.

Plus, I don't even have AC.

But I'm Zion. You must be Pop-Pop.

Oh, just Pops. [Chuckles]

More than one "Pop" in the name,

I'm a step away from being in a diaper.

Okay. I'm... gonna go
do something else now.

[Chuckles] Okay.

[Chuckles]

Shacking up with an older woman?

Now, that, I can understand.

She's just a friend. Okay?
I'm crashing on the couch.

"Just a friend." [Laughs]

You kids, boy.

Here. Here's your allergy pills.

Don't want you to die on us while
you're out here on your own.

If you're coming to convince me
to go back to college,

it is not happening.

I got no business telling anybody

what they should be doing
with their lives.

I live in my son's guest house

and I got a credit card
with Jack's name on it.

Came to talk to you about
what you said to your dad.

- He told you?
- Hell yeah, he told me.

If you'd have said that to me,

I'd have sh*t you.

Well... sh*t at you.

But I'd have come close enough
to make you wonder

whether or not I missed on purpose.

Learned that from your Grandma.

I wasn't trying to be disrespectful.

You don't understand
what kind of sacrifices

he's made for you, Junior.

I couldn't do what he did for two kids,

let alone five.

I was just trying

to make him understand
where I'm coming from.

Well, maybe it's time for you
to try to understand

where he's coming from.

- [Sighs]
- Your father's a good man, Junior.

Don't you tell him I said that.

[Chuckles]

Thanks, Pops.

Uh, wait.

W-Why do you have
a credit card in Jack's name?

'Cause I ruined your credit
a long time ago, boy.

♪♪

Hey.

Thanks for not changing the locks.

They come tomorrow.

Dad, I'm sorry.

I never should've said
any of those things to you.

What things? Hm?

When you called me a coward?

Or when you said I wasted my life?

Well, this is kind of a blanket sorry.

Mm-hmm.

I was way out of line.

And I wouldn't even be able
to make any choices

if it wasn't for the sacrifices
that you made for me.

Thank you for saying that, son.

But for the record,
I didn't sacrifice anything.

I went after what I wanted,
and I got it.

See, I'm just trying
to do the same thing.

But I never wanted
to disappoint you guys.

I just... have to go out there

and follow the path that's best for me.

♪♪

Hm.

I guess I have to respect that.

You do it, man.

Oh, hello.

What's going on?

Well, uh...

just coming to an understanding
with Junior.

Oh!

Finally!

You're going back to school!

- Oh!
- I'm... I'm not going back.

And Dad's okay with it.

Wh...

What's going on?

Well, it's not what I would
choose for him, but...

it's not my choice to make.

- So that's it?
- Yeah.

I should just go [bleep] myself?

♪♪

♪♪

- Mom...
- No, Junior. Please, no.

Not right now. I just can't. Unh-unh.

I don't understand.

I thought you would be the one
who would get this.

[Sighs]

I don't. I don't get it.

And so I don't know
what else there is to say.

Okay?

I never thought I could do anything

that would make you this angry.

[Sighs]

Listen.

Junior, your entire life,

people have joked that you're my Junior,

not Dad's.

You were supposed to follow
in my footsteps.

That was the plan!

Mom...

I love you,

and I am in awe of your career.

But being a doctor was never my plan.

For starters, I'm afraid of blood.

And needles.

And you know how I can't be in the room

when you're cutting chicken.

Look.

The person you want me to be
and the person I am

are two totally different people.

I just wish you were okay
with who I am now.

♪♪

I wish I was, too.

[Sighs]

♪♪

Hey.

How long are you gonna stay out here?

Till it's safe to go back in.

Uh-huh. I get it.

Very funny.

I'm sorry I sold you out.

You feeling better?

- No, I am not.
- Mm.

And don't tell me I should be over it.

I wasn't.

I guess it's just easier
for me because...

Junior has never been the son
that I thought I would have.

So, I will say to you

what you have always said to me.

- "Don't eat that. It's decorative"?
- [Chuckles]

- Yes.
- Okay.

And "You should support him,

even though you might not get
what he's doing."

- So you do listen?
- Sometimes.

- You might be right. [Sighs]
- Mm.

But I still want
to chop him in the throat.

Oh, babe.

That feeling never goes away.

♪♪

Since Junior was settling in
at his new place,

we brought him some stuff
to make it feel like home...

a little comfort...

Where do you want your fan?

Dad couldn't spring for an AC unit?

- I talked him out of it.
- Oh, yeah. You would.

...a little support...

Oh, Lord, is this it?

[Chuckling] This place
smell like zoo trash.

Or is that you, Devante?

[Sniffs] Ooh, Black Jesus.

Did anybody change
this baby diaper today?!

...a little cautionary advice...

Oh, hey. I'm Zoey.

Hey. Zion.

If you make me an aunt, I'll k*ll you.

- She's just a friend.
- Mm.

- Kids these days, right?
- Mm-hmm.

ZION: So, Pops, what can I get you?

I got some pear cider, I got some drank.

And for the first time in my life,

I will say, "No, thank you."

Okay.

...and a little love.

Hi.

- Hey, Mom.
- Hey.

Thanks for coming.

I didn't bring anything,

because I'm still
not on board with this,

but I-I love you.

- I'll always love you.
- Love you, too.

DRE: Uh, everybody? Um, I propose...

- Oh.
- ...a toast to Junior.

[Rainbow chuckles]

For stepping out on his own.

Ah, you know, he might blow it.

- He might not.
- Dre.

[Chuckles]

To Junior!

ALL: Junior!

Okay.

Mnh!

What is that?

Drank.

- Oh, no.
- Don't drink that.

- Uh, Dad...
- Don't drink that.

You know what?
Somebody put some music on.

[Indistinct conversations]

RUBY: He's so heavy. [Groans]

I want some of that.

- This is my room.
- This is your room?

♪♪

Hello, sweetheart.

I know you're bummed about Junior, Mom.

Yeah.

I've been thinking
about my future, and...

I can be the one
who follows in your footsteps.

Aww.

Buddy. [Chuckles]

S... S...

What would that even look like?

Time of death... 5:25.

♪♪

I'm alive!

It's a miracle.

ANNOUNCER: This fall, on ABC,
Jack Johnson is

The Bad Doctor.