02x04 - Paige Bugs Out

[bunniefuu]

- Hey, guys! I'm Paige.
- I'm Frankie.

Both: And we're Bizaardvark!

Today, we are going to be doing
the No Thumbs Challenge,

where we attempt to do
everyday things with no thumbs!

Let's do this! So that's supposed

to be a... a thumbs up, but,
you know, the thumb thing.

Both: Texting!

I'm gonna text you, "Cool shirt
and I love your new haircut."

- Oops!
- (smash)

Cool 3gErt.

It says "Cool 3gErt" right now.

Both: Sandwich eating!

- Do the whole hand.
- Here we go.

Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

Need help?

Ahh... Ahh...

Ahh!

(Frankie speaks) _

(Paige speaks) _

(both speaking) _

I call this the Frankie Special.

What does that mean?

It means that I'm just gonna improvise it.

- Oh!
- I'm just gonna make it up.

- I just need to do the finishing touch.
- H... How does it look?

- Which is a nice pull.
- Aah!

It looks... great!

Frankie, this isn't even a braid!

(both speaking) _

- Ah...!
- (laughs)

(both speaking) _

If you can...

I'm gonna make you, but only in colors.

Whoa.

(both groaning)

Both: Thumb wrestling!

- Okay.
- Both: One, two, three, four,

I declare thumb w*r!

Frankie. Frankie.

- What?
- This is a really bad idea.

- That's true. We didn't think this one out.
- Nope.

Both: ♪ You could spend all day ♪

♪ On a swing eating a baguette ♪

♪ But why do boring things like that ♪

♪ When there's the Internet? ♪

♪ Let's go make some videos ♪

♪ Hey! Hey! ♪

- ♪ Let's go make some videos ♪
- ♪ Hey! ♪

♪ You could watch Dirk
doing crazy dares ♪

- ♪ Saying, "Here we go" ♪
- Here we go!

♪ He'll do anything you want ♪

♪ Just don't try this at home ♪

♪ Or watch Amelia teaching ya ♪

♪ How to look your best ♪

♪ Making over people is
her never-ending quest ♪

♪ You could watch... ♪

Do you have constant foot odor?

♪ You could watch us make
ridiculously funny videos ♪

♪ Like the one with evil pop-up books ♪

♪ That punch you in the nose ♪

♪ Let's go make some videos ♪

♪ Hey! Hey! ♪

♪ Let's go make some videos ♪

And I... I missed it.

Oh, I wonder who had my locker
before me?

Uh-huh.

I also wonder if they used it to
store feet, 'cause, uh... (sniffs)

Oh! My eyes!

Cool. I'll be there.

Paige. I see you're staring at Reese.

No, I wasn't.

I... I just can't stop
looking at... Reese.

I mean, uh... Reese.

I mean... Reese.

I'm starin' at Reese.

Paige, you've been crushing on this guy

since the first week of school.

Go talk to him already.

I'll stand next to you and act weird,

so you look awesome by comparison.

So how you normally act, but over there?

Yeah, pretty much.

Hey, Reese.

Oh, hey, Paige.

My favorite food is bubble bath!

Okay, Frankie.

So, uh, what are you up to this weekend?

My middle name
is just a long, honking sound.

Frankie Hooooonk Wong.

(school bell rings)

Okay, Frankie, that was the bell.

All right, I... guess I'll see you.

Yeah, yeah, um... unless I see you.

Or we see each other.

Or like, make a plan to see each other.

Paige. I'd love to hang out with you.

Cool.

Just one thing.

If we hang out, you're not gonna, like,

use me for material in one
of your Bizaardvark videos,

- are you?
- What? No.

No, no, we would never do that.

Cool, it would just make me a
little uncomfortable, you know?

Totally. Um, don't worry, Frankie
and I know where to draw the line.

The government took out my insides and
replaced them with robot kitten parts!

Me-Ow! Me-Ow!

- Me-Ow...
- Frankie, he said yes.

You're welcome.

Man, I've missed
your fish sticks, Wanda.

When I make 'em at home,
I always burn the box.

Wow. Sure is cold in here.

Good thing I have this Sierra
High Wrestling Team jacket.

The one that you can
only get if you're super cool

and are on the school wrestling team.

Sweet! So how'd you get it?

Dirk, I'm on the team.

W... I mean, I haven't
actually wrestled anybody yet,

because nobody
in the district besides me

is in the "under 79-pound"
weight class, but...

it's probably 'cause they're too scared!

Which means I'm undefeated!

- Well, technically...
- Undefeated!

And the best part is, being on the
team is getting me tons of attention

from shallow girls who otherwise
wouldn't look at me.

- Oooooh.
- Ahhh?

- Eww.
- Aww...

Ooooh.

Yeah!

Hey, Amelia, where do you think
I should have them stitch

"Bernie Undefeated Schotz"?

Wait. Undefeated?

As in you have a... perfect record?

Bernie, I'm impressed.

Do you wanna come to a party
with me this weekend?

A party? With you?

Bernie's in the house!

All: Wooooo!

Deep Male Voice: It's a perfect party.

(dance music playing)

I'm not wearing my retainer!

All: Wooooo!

Deep Male Voice: It's a perfect party.

(dance music playing)

I brought my grandma's kugel!

All: Wooooo!

Deep Male Voice: It's a perfect party.

(dance music playing)

Wait. Where'd Amelia go?

She left like five minutes ago
'cause you were doing this:

Oontz, oontz, oontz, oontz, oontz,
oontz, oontz, oontz, oontz...

Uugh! We need to post a new
video, and all our ideas stink.

No... bad... poodles made o'noodles?

Just 'cause it rhymes doesn't
mean it's funny, Frankie.

(phone rings)

(gasp) It's Reese!

We're meeting at five!

What time were you supposed to meet?

Five!

Wait a minute, this is perfect.

You're hanging out with a guy
for the first time, which means,

there's bound to be awkwardness,
and awkwardness leads to comedy,

and then, bam! We've got video ideas.

No, I... I told Reese I wouldn't use
him as material in any of our videos.

Why would you do that?

What's even the point
of going out with him?

Wow, we are really developing
at different rates emotionally.

I'm just saying keep an open mind.

I mean, something's bound to happen
when you're with Reese that'll give us

a great video idea.

- Here, take a pen.
- No! I'm not hanging out with Reese

to get Bizaardvark material.

Okay, fine, you're right. I'm sorry.

Thank you.

- So, what should I wear?
- A wire.

So I can listen in
and get Bizaardvark material.

There he is. I just came by to
see my little wrestlin' bro

doin' some of his moves.

I'm doin' 'em right now.

I call this one the "Double
Energy Bar Takedown."

- (blowing whistle)
- All right!

- (clapping)
- Yes! Still undefeated!

Woooo! Bern-man! Bern-man! Bern-man...

Dude! Dude! Stop! Put me down!

The doctor says I can't be more
than four inches off the ground.

It's an inner ear thing!

What the...? Did that fourth
grader just pin Dirk?

Uh, I'm actually in ninth grade, sir.

And to think we've been lettin' your
talents go to waste on the bench!

We need to get you out there
on the mats!

On the mats, like,
where the wrestling happens?

You know, I'd love to, but as you know,

district rules state that you have
to wrestle within your weight class,

and I'm still clockin' in under 79 pounds,
so I can't really wr... Okay, okay.

Says here you're 82 pounds!

82 pounds? How is that possible?

All I've been doing is sitting
here eating energy bars,

drinking protein shakes, never
moving my body and... Oh.

I remember when I was 82 pounds,

the doctor said I was the biggest
two-year-old he'd ever seen.

Good story, Dirk.

There's plenty of kids
in your weight class, son.

I'm startin' you in our next match!
(chuckles)

- (Bernie grunts)
- (whistle blowing)

How are you in my weight class?

(applause and cheering)

Hey, are you going
to the party this weekend?

(deep male voice) It's a perfect party.

(dance music playing)

Thanks for the boba, Reese.

Boba. (laughs) That's a funny word.

Hey, let's have a conversation
just using the word "boba."

Ooh, fun. I'll start.

Boba, bah-boba, bah-boba, bah-boba.

Boba, boba, boba.

Bah-boba!

Boba, boba boba boba, boba, boba boba.

What'd you say?

"Isn't it crazy that pigeons are birds?

'Cause they look like rats. With wings!"

What'd you say?

I said, "You look really pretty
tonight, and I'm havin' a lot of fun."

Boba...

(to herself)
What was Frankie talking about?

Hanging with Reese isn't
giving me any video ideas.

What does she want me to do,

make a video called
"Having Fun with an Awesome Guy"?

Wait, could that be something?

Nah...

Hey, did you know I could read
palms and tell the future?

Really?

Let's see, you'll have
a very long and happy life...

Okay, I don't know how to read palms.

I just wanted to hold your hand.

I, uh... boba.

We should hang out again.

What do you think, Roger?

Who's Roger?

Oh, sorry, I can't believe
I haven't introduced you two.

He's my best buddy, Roger.
I take him everywhere I go.

(to herself) Oh, no. A guy who's
best friend is a caterpillar?

(gasp) Funniest video idea ever!

♪ When you're hanging out
and you're havin' a ball ♪

♪ Roger's here to ruin it all ♪

Ohh! Hey-hey, I'm Roger!

_

This movie's great! Turns out
he's the bad guy and she dies!

Ooh! Let me have some of that.

(eating sounds)

Hey, what're you thinking about?

Uhh... Uh, I just...
I really like Roger, and um...

I wanna stare at him a little more.

Yeah. He gets that a lot.

So, keep hanging out
with a really great guy,

or make a hilarious video that'll
end things with a really great guy.

Looks like you got a dilemma!

Hey, I'm Amelia, and I'm here
with my friends Bernie and Dirk

to do the Box Ball Challenge

Bernie, tell 'em how it works.

I do not know.

- Here we go!
- No, I gotta tell him how it works.

So, we each take empty tissue boxes,

tie it behind our backs,

fill them with eight ping pong balls,

then we dance
until all the balls fall out.

- I still don't get it.
- Here we go!

Don't tell Bernie,

but we secretly
taped his tissue box closed

so that the balls can't come out!

- Go. Go.
- Gonna b*at both y'all.

No, I'm winning.

What's wrong, Bernie?

Havin' trouble?

(buzzer sounds)

Guys, that's not funny.

- We know.
- (Dirk and Amelia laugh)

That's why when we edit this, we're
gonna do stuff to totally goof on you!

- (Amelia laughs)
- Oh, no.

So, how was it?

Any good video material?

Not at all. Reese is awesome
and totally normal.

We talked about school,
he said I looked pretty,

his best friend's a caterpillar,
he read my palm.

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

I know, it was a cheesy way for him to
hold my hand, but it worked for me.

His best friend is a caterpillar?

Ohhhh, we are making a video!

What? It's not that weird
that he has a caterpillar.

And if you take off the
"erpillar", it's just a cat.

Yeah. But it's not a cat!

Okay fine, it's super weird,
but I told Reese

I wouldn't use him as material
in any of our videos.

And if we make this video,
he'll know it's about him,

and he won't wanna
hang out with me anymore.

And I like him.

Uh... I'm sorry, Paige, I didn't
hear a word you just said.

I literally just came up with 15 videos
about Reese and his caterpillar.

- Whose name is Roger.
- Ha! 16!

Wait, he didn't feed him
any of the boba, did he?

- A little.
- Oh! 17!

Frankie, come on, I need your help.

Okay, I'm sorry. I'm not
trying to be insensitive.

And I'll... I'll let this whole
thing go if you can just

look me in the eye and tell me
you haven't thought

about all the videos we could make.

I...

- have not...
- Paige.

- been thinking...
- Paige.

about... Fine!
I already wrote the first draft.

Roger's the annoying best friend
who won't go away.

And for some reason,
I... I imagine he talks like this:

Hey-hey, I'm Roger. I threw
all your mail in the trash.

(Frankie laughs) I love it!

Hey-hey-hey, I'm Roger.
Someone pooped in your yard.

It was me. (giggles)

So when do we
sh**t this thing, tomorrow?

I don't know, Frankie. I... I'm not sure
what the right thing to do here is.

Hey-hey, you know what's
always the right thing to do?

Playing your tuba in the library.

Come on, Frankie, I'm serious.

- I... I can't do this...
- Hey-hey! You know what I can't do?

Sing. But that doesn't stop me.

(off key) ♪ La la la la laaaaaaa! ♪

(laughs)

Okay, okay. You convinced me.

I like Reese a lot... but this video
idea could be too funny to let go of.

I guess I'll tell him
we can't hang out anymore.

Great. Let me know if he cries funny.

We might be able to use that.

All: And gooooo Hawks!

Schotz...

Just wanna let you know who
you'll be wrestlin' tomorrow.

They call him "The Brick."

Do they call him "The Brick" because
he's small and rectangular?

No. They call him that
because he once ate a brick.

The kid's psycho!

(laughing)

I've never wrestled before, and now
I've gotta go against "The Brick."

Oh. Tough break.

That's what "The Brick" says
when he snaps people's legs!

Aw, man, there is no way
I can b*at this guy.

Amelia and the entire school
are gonna think I'm a loser.

Don't worry, Bern-man.

Whoa. That's a lot of sweat!

I think I have an idea
of how you can win tomorrow!

Yeah! You dress up like me
and wrestle in my place.

Our faces and muscles
are the same, it's...

Nah, that wouldn't work.

The hair...

Did you tell Reese you couldn't
hang out with him anymore?

Yeah. I put it off all day,

but I finally looked him in the
eye and told him the truth.

"My mom says I can't hang out with you."

I'm not sure, but I think
I made the right choice.

Hey, questionable good choice high-five!

Hey-hey, I'm Roger! Who wants to go to
the hospital and switch up the babies?

- Hey, Frankie...
- Heyyyyyy, Reese! What's up?

I know Paige can't hang out
with me anymore,

but I already got her a couple gifts.

Would you mind
giving them to her for me?

(to herself) He hangs out with Paige
one time and he gets her gifts?

These oughta be original.

I got her chocolates
in the shape of turtles,

'cause I know Paige's fantasy

is to ride a turtle
to an undersea kingdom.

(to herself) Okay, points for that.

But he clearly doesn't know
which kingdom.

They're dark chocolate, 'cause that's
the official chocolate of Paige-lantis.

(to herself) Uh-oh.

I also made her a playlist.

(to herself) Please don't be two
hours of tropical rain sounds.

It's three hours
of tropical rain sounds.

(to herself) Oh no, what did I do?

- She says it calms her...
- Yeah, I know what she says!

Sorry, I meant to...
I meant to think that.

(sighs)

(to herself) Why did I push
Paige to end it with this guy?

He's perfect for her.

Looks like you got a dilemma!

Nobody asked you, Roger!

Okay, the wedding scene.

Ooh remember, when you hear,
"Does anyone object?"

you raise all your hands
and say, "I do. Also, I ate the ring."

This... is way more fun
than hangin' out with Reese.

- I made the right decision, didn't I?
- Mm-hmm.

Whoa. What was that?

Look me in the eye and tell
me I made the right choice.

You...

- made...
- Frankie...

- the right...
- Frankie!

Fine! Hey, Reese is perfect for you!

He made you a tropical rain playlist.

He has feelings and stuff.

He even gave you a box of chocolate
turtles, but they melted.

In my stomach, I'm sorry.

But he talks to a caterpillar.

So what? Everyone has flaws.
I mean, he talks

to a caterpillar, I'm stubborn
and have anger problems, and...

- But Frankie...
- Don't interrupt me!

Paige, I'm sorry. Okay... I was selfish.

Sometimes I... I get so
excited about making videos

with my best friend, I don't stop
to think what's best for my friend.

Y... You having fun with Reese is
more important than any video.

So what I do now?

Run to him!

It's almost go-time, B-man.

All we have to do is get you nervous,

so you get super sweaty,

and then "The Brick" won't be able
to get a hold of you.

It's gonna be tough. Now that we
have a plan, I'm not nervous.

Don't worry. I'm on it.

Hey... Oh, wow, oh...

(applause)

I emailed the entire school,
and guaranteed you'd win.

Ahh, jeez...

Also, I reserved
front row seats for Amelia

so she'd have the perfect view
of you in action.

Hi, Bernie!

The real ones are for after you win.

Ahh, jeez...

Also, I told Brick you insulted his mom.

- (grunt)
- (smash)

Oh, jeez.

Sorry, Mrs. Brick!

(smash)

Yeah, you're ready.

(applause)

Ow!

(blowing whistle)

(splash)

Ewww!

Should've worn a poncho.

You're in the splash zone.

(splash)

Uhh...

It went in my mouth!

I'm gettin' out of the splash zone!

Is anyone sitting here? I'm tired
of gettin' hit by all of the...

Seriously! See a doctor!

(blowing whistle)

(applause)

- Bernie, you are so...
- Strong.

I know.

So, looks like my record
is still perfect.

What kind of kugel should we
bring to this party tonight?

I'm thinkin' spinach.

Dude, what are you doing?

That was just the first round!

You do know there's more than one
round in a wrestling match, right?

- What?
- (whistle blows)

No, I'm dry, I'm dry! I can't...

Brick, no please, Brick! Oww!

- (whistle blows)
- (crowd groaning)

Aw, I just wanted a jacket.

Hey...

well, at least we still
have the party tonight, right?

What time should I pick you up?

Uh, sorry, the party was canceled.

Oh. You wanna hang out at my place?

I can't. I have to go to the party.

Schotz! I'm takin' back your jacket.

My four-year-old daughter
wears the same size.

I like boba, but when you drink it,

doesn't it feel like you're
chewing tiny little...

Both: Eyeballs!

(laughs)

This is awesome. I'm so glad
your mom changed her mind.

What's that, Roger?

Roger says he's glad too.

Hey, little buddy.

Okay, Reese. Um... I have
to be honest with you.

I lied.

It wasn't my mom, it was me.

- What?
- I like you a lot, and I know I said

I wouldn't use you for material, but...
when I met Roger,

I came up with a great idea for a video.

But I don't wanna make it if it
means we can't hang out anymore.

Wait, so, what was the idea?

I mean... I didn't really
put too much thought into it...

Okay, we started with the wedding!

But then in the seventh draft,
we made Roger more

of an obnoxious best friend
who ruins everything.

He's like... Hey-hey, I'm Roger!

I ate all your money
'cause it looked like lettuce.

(laughs) That's hilarious!

You should make that.

Wait, so you're saying
I can make the video,

- and we can still hang out?
- Of course!

You didn't stress out
about this, did you?

Pshhh! No!

What a lovely place! Great choice,
and thank you for the flowers.

Of course!
Also, I have a surprise for you.

I want you to meet my best friend.

Wow! I can't wait to meet him.

If he's your best friend,
he must be a total gentleman.

Hey-hey! You must be Paige. I'm Roger.

Does this rash look infected to you?

Uhhh...

Oh, looks like you guys
already ordered, huh?

Don't mind if I do.

You know there's a whole plate
of garlic bread right here.

No no no, that's yours,
didn't wanna be rude.

Uhp, comin' back up. (spitting up)

Uhp, gotta go use
the little caterpillar's room.

Also known as the booth
in the corner, you know.

Wow, um, he's fun.

I know, right? So, should we order?

This place has great specials.

Hey, here's something special!
Who am I, take a guess!

Uh, a walrus?

No. (spitting)

I'm a caterpillar
with bread up his mouth.

What are you, an idiot?

Good one, Roger!

Whoop, cocoonin'!

Finally, a quiet moment
for the two of us to talk.

I've been meaning to tell you...

(screaming)

Feels good to stretch 'em out!