02x11 - Science (Un)Fair

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Bizaardvark". Aired June 24, 2016 - April 2019.*
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"Bizaardvark" follows two 12 year-old best friends, who post funny songs and comedic videos about their everyday lives on the Internet.
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02x11 - Science (Un)Fair

Post by bunniefuu »

Paige! Frankie!

Hey, Shemika! What's up?

Stay right there.
I need to ask you something.

So, the thing is...

oh! Hang on.

Anyway... oh! Hang on.

So... what's going on?

Uh, not much. You?

Not much.

- See ya around.
- Later.

I love this place.

♪ You could spend all day ♪

♪ On a swing eating a baguette ♪

♪ But why do boring things like that ♪

♪ When there's the Internet? ♪

♪ Let's go make some videos ♪

♪ Hey! Hey! ♪

- ♪ Let's go make some videos ♪
- ♪ Hey! ♪

♪ You could watch Dirk
doing crazy dares ♪

- ♪ Saying, "Here we go" ♪
- Here we go!

♪ He'll do anything you want ♪

♪ Just don't try this at home ♪

♪ Or watch Amelia teaching ya ♪

♪ How to look your best ♪

♪ Making over people is
her never-ending quest ♪

♪ You could watch... ♪

Do you have constant foot odor?

♪ You could watch us make
ridiculously funny videos ♪

♪ Like the one with evil pop-up books ♪

♪ That punch you in the nose ♪

♪ Let's go make some videos ♪

♪ Hey! Hey! ♪

♪ Let's go make some videos ♪

And I... I missed it.

I'm surprised you like
babysitting your neighbor.

You don't usually like kids.

Yeah, but Savannah's cool.

She's cute, she does whatever I say,

plus, she watches my favorite
Russian soap operas...

without interrupting.

I never remember which Igor
is the bad one!

Did you know the dog is
the cousin of the fox?

Paige's cousin's a fox!

What are you doing?

I love animals, but
insects are my favorite.

That's why I'm doing
my science fair project

on my most favorite insect of all time.

Are you ready for it?

Crickets!

Aww! Crickets are so cute.

Not as cute as your cousin. Am I right?

It's never gonna happen.

My science fair project is
going to be the best.

Except, for maybe Simon's, since his
parents are doing his whole project.

What?

I can't believe we lost to Trevor.

We put so much time into this.

Trevor's parents
didn't help build me at all.

I can also vacuum up trash.

Hey, Paige and Frankie,

why don't you throw
your project in front of me?

His parents did the whole beeping thing!

And the rest of the robot too!

We poured our heart
and soul into that project,

and we lost to a cheater!
It was humiliating!

It made us feel so dumb!

I never wanna feel like that ever again.

We have to right this wrong.

- We cannot let what happened to us happen to Savannah.
- You're right.

Savannah?

Good news. Frankie and I are gonna
help you win the science fair.

Oh. Okay. Fine.

Hey, Frankie, wanna go watch
your Russian soap opera?

Today, good Igor meets bad Igor

and gets his revenge!

You see? She's seven and she gets it.

Bernie, are you still
Bizaardvark's agent?

I am until they fire me! Pound it.

Oh.

Reassuring.

There have been some discussions

about the future of certain channels.

I need you to give a presentation

about Bizaardvark
at the end of the week.

It is very important,

so listen closely to my instructions.

First of all, Bizaardvark...

Very important.

Presentation.

And as you can see from this chart,

the arrow goes...

up?

That was the greatest
presentation I ever heard!

Mermaids, give Bernie his award!

You are their king now.

Yeah.

...and if you follow
those instructions exactly,

Bizaardvark's future should be saved.

Good day.

Oh no, I didn't hear anything
Liam said about the presentation.

Did you, Horse Face Guy?

Well, that was a little helpful.

- Hey, guys! I'm Paige.
- I'm Frankie.

And we're Bizaardvark!

Today we are doing the seven
second challenge,

where we take turns trying to complete

random tasks in just seven seconds.

Yeah, seven seconds is
definitely not a lot of time.

I really don't see how we're gonna
be able to do the challenges.

Yeah, some of them are really hard.

Yeah, like, I don't really understand...

Making a peanut butter
and jelly sandwich

- in just seven seconds. You got this?
- Okay. Ready?

- Set.
- Go.

- Okay. You know what?
- There you go. Spread it evenly.

Four seconds! Four seconds!

- And I'm done!
- Oh!

Go.

- That's not... What? Eww!
- It's not going!

- You're missing the sandwich!
- Ah!

Eww! Okay, uh, one second.

Oh!

There's no "PB" on there, it's just "J."

I'm gonna have to declare this a loser.

Frankie and I are going to try to fold
this fitted sheet in just seven seconds.

I'm not entirely sure how to
fold a fitted sheet in general.

- Go.
- Okay, okay, fold, focus.

Uh. Uh. Bring it in. Bring it in.

- Bring it in!
- Why is it so airy?

I don't know! It's a parachute!

Okay, okay. Done.

- It's so folded.
- Nice.

- It's folded.
- It's, um...

It's very nice.

Seven seconds to state

seven state capitals. Go.

Sacramento, Albany, Honolulu, Anchorage,

Madison, um, St. Louis, Carson City!

Yes! Wait! That's not one!

I'm getting word from our judges.

St. Louis is not the capital.
It is Jefferson City.

No, that was invalid. You lose!

Montgomery, Alabama. Helena, Montana.

St. Louis, Missouri.

No! What? No!

The judges... no!

- The judges...
- I'm sorry!

- It's not... it's not St. Louis.
- No, no, no, judges.

- Please, let me try again.
- Nope.

Please, oh please. I will do anything.

All right, Savannah.
Two days till the science fair.

Let's see what we're working with.

Here's my cricket project.

Also, I made a puppet,
and I named him Chirpo.

Hey, there, Chirpo. Can you talk?

It's not real. It's made
from cloth and buttons.

You're made from cloth and buttons.

For the science fair,

Chirpo's going to rhyme
facts about crickets.

Chirp, chirp! I eat plants.

Chirp, chirp! And fruit.

And ants.

Savannah, could you give us a moment?

- What is that?
- I don't know.

It's like a sock... that kind of rhymes.

It's never gonna win!

- We have to fix this.
- Yeah.

Good sidebar.

Savannah? Chirpo is cute and all, but...

I'm not sure crickets
are gonna b*at Simon's project

- if his parents are doing it for him.
- Mm-hmm.

And you wanna win, right?

I guess.

There's the eye of the tiger!

So, what are we gonna
do to win this thing?

Uh, we need something big,
electronic, and awesome, like, um...

- like... like a UFO.
- Yeah, yeah, or... ooh! Or a satellite.

Ooh! That's a real thing!
Let's go with that!

Don't I get to help think of ideas?

Of course.

It's your project, after all.

How about you tell us
what you like about crickets,

and we'll find a new idea together.

Well, I really like their chirps.

Hey! You know what else chirps?

Those big electronic things
that orbit the Earth.

Satellites?

That is a great idea!

- It's your idea.
- You're right!

It is your idea! And we love it!

That's why we're gonna build you

- a fully-functioning satellite.
- Mm-hmm.

We've been working
at this for five hours.

We have no idea
how to build a satellite.

We're never gonna win this thing.

Wait.

I spelled my name with the parts!

Hey, guys! Paige and Frankie
here with Bernie

to do the Spoon Candy Challenge.

- Challenge completed!
- You're not supposed to eat them.

- Oh. I also thought I won.
- Okay.

We put a spoon in our mouth
and strap a bowl to our heads.

First one to put three pieces of candy

into their bowl without
using their hands wins.

Ready? Go-oh.

- Whoa! Got it!
- It fell off already!

- It in there?
- It fell out!

It fell out!

I know! You're carrying water

back to the village!

- What?
- No?

- People are coming!
- Bernie's great at this!

You've got three. He's got three.

- I bounced... I got one!
- You got one!

This guy has four or five
of them in there.

This is delicious.
What are you guys playing to?

- Um, to three.
- Oh, he's already had like four or five.

- Did you b*at that, Bernie?
- He had four or five of them already.

- Bernie.
- What?

- You've gotta help clean up.
- What about the challenge?

Bizaardvark.

We need to find
the "We Know Science" channel.

They can help us build Savannah's
satellite and win the fair.

Oh, Viking Guy, have you seen
the "We Know Science" channel?

I'll tell you what I've seen.

An army of men meet
their demise at the hands

- of the Ice Queen of Morosa.
- Found them!

I was helpful!

Okay, remember, these guys
are way smarter than us,

so just act confident and don't let on

that we have no idea
what we're talking about.

Fellow scientists!

We have a... proposal.

Nice. It's going well so far.

Aren't you the channel that makes
ridiculous videos, like Puke Train?

Uh, first of all, it's Puke Plane.

And second, there's a lot more to
our videos than meets the eye.

Like what?

Oh, well, if you don't know,

we've obviously

- come to the wrong science channel.
- Yeah.

Come on, Frankie. Let's find someone
who can understand a proposal.

- Did we take it too far?
- Yeah, I think we blew it.

How long do we walk
before we turn back and beg?

We're running out of room.

- Just slow down.
- Wait!

Yes?

We get it now.

Your videos must be filled
with cryptograms and codes

intended for interplanetary
communications.

I mean, why else would you make a stupid
video about a plane filled with puke?

First of all, it ran... on puke.

But... you're right.

Our latest project
is extremely important.

What is it?

Wouldn't you like to know?

Ye

Wouldn't you like
Oh. Uh... it's a satellite.

Wow! A satellite?

Are we talking geosynchronous
or geostationary?

Whoa! Why don't you just build

the whole thing while you're at it!

- Unless you want us to walk away again.
- Yeah.

No! No, no, no, no, we'll build it.

You're the first people that
have ever spoken to us here.

Aww. I mean...

have it on our desk
by 9:00 a.m. tomorrow.

Ow.

What am I gonna do? What am I gonna do?

Liam! Do you have a sec?

Yes, I have regrets.

So, I have a couple of questions
about the presentation.

I totally heard you, and I
get what you're looking for.

I'm just a little confused
on some of the details.

You remind me of my nephew.

He gets easily confused by details too.

Of course, he's five,
so it's appropriate.

Anyway, the presentation
should start with...

Liam's Nephew.

Liam's Nephew.

Mermaids, I'd like you to meet my nephew.
He's just like me,

only better looking
and far more important.

Whee!

'Sup, mermaids?

Robot yeah.

cannot repeat these
instructions ever again,

so see you tomorrow at the presentation.
And remember...

Bizaardvark's future depends on it.

Aah, that time it felt like my fault.

Greetings, Viking warriors!

It is I... Viking Guy!

- With... Viking Bernie!
- No.

You have not earned that name yet.

Today we will be playing,
Can This Be a Ship?

We're gonna put different objects in the
water to see if they can be a ship.

If it floats, it's a ship.

- If it doesn't float, it's...
- Not a ship!

- Let us begin!
- Yeah!

A cowboy hat?


Can this be a ship?

- This is definitely gonna float.
- I don't think it's a ship.

- Oh. Oh!
- No! Eric! Eric!

Not a ship!

Can this be a ship?

- You really think a rock could be a...
- Small rocks float.

Stop!

Look! It's called a submarine.

Not a ship!

Can this be a ship?

What even is that? Like a bubblewrap...

It's a bubblewrap... turtle, yes.

- Yeah. That's a good ship.
- That is such a good ship!

Is a ship.

- Yo!
- A burrito-ship?

Can this be a ship?

I guarantee you, this will sink.

Stop! Well, that's like a block of...

- Ohh...!
- What?

He just couldn't ride in the beast!

A cell phone!

Can this be a ship?

Ooh! Ooh!

- What a waste of a phone.
- Is that your grandmother calling?

- What?
- That is your phone.

What? Dude, I'm on a 10-year plan!

- Call someone who cares!
- That's not funny!

This is but another episode of...

If you want to borrow my horn...
I don't have any...

Yeah!

- Rocket?
- Lame.

- The water cycle?
- Boring!

Fully-functioning satellite?

- Winner!
- Yeah!

Think we got this.

All the other projects vacuums?
'Cause all I'm hearing is sucking!

Oh!

So, what do you think of your satellite?

It's really big,
but I didn't build any of it.

What? Savannah.

You made this happen.
You said, "satellite,"

and now bam! There's a satellite.

But I don't even know what it does.

Savannah!

You're an adorable seven-year-old girl.

Just stand next to the
satellite, be yourself,

and read this script we wrote,
word for word.

Mm-hmm.

Viking Guy? What are you doing here?

My young brother is doing a project
on the science of Vikings.

Viking Child, show them exhibit "A."

Exhibit "B."

Mm-hmm.

Exhibit "C"!

He's only seven years old,

but he's catapulting
at a 12-year-old level.

Hey, Savannah, which kid is Simon?

Virtual reality?

Look at the parents.
So proud of themselves.

They clearly did the whole project

and totally cheated our little Savannah,

who worked her butt off on her project.

- It's disgusting.
- Oh.

And look at them. They probably told him
exactly what to say and what to do.

So, remember: Stick to the script
and don't touch the satellite.

- Good luck.
- Have fun.

"This satellite is...

g... Geo..."

Geosynchronous.

I don't know how to say these words.

And... I don't wanna do this!

Viking Guy: I can't see anything!

Am I missing something important?

I feel like I might be!

- What's up guys? I'm Paige.
- I'm Frankie.

And we're Bizaardvark.

- Can pizza ever be bad?
- I don't know. Let's find out.

It's the...

We are going to take turns
choosing toppings

- from each of these bags.
- Mm-hmm.

Some of the toppings will be delicious,

others will be disgusting.

Then we're put them in
the pizza oven over there...

...cook 'em up and eat one entire slice.
Are you ready?

- Buon appetito!
- Is that "yes"?

- It's "buon appetito."
- What's that mean?

Ah!

Ooh! Ooh-ooh! It's...

Ooh, girl! No! It's chunky!

- What?
- I got...

I think it's pepperoni.

It's probably pepperoni.

What is it? What is it?

- What I...
- It's...

- Mmm!
- On a pizza?

I don't know what these are.
I think they're, like...

Ah!

- Ooh, I know.
- That smells like dead fish!

Oh no! I got mushrooms!

Oh my gosh, this smells so bad.

- I don't wanna do this.
- I'm so excited to try this.

What about you? Are you excited?

- Not at all.
- Oh yeah, me too.

- Mmm.
- Is it good?

You want? Mmm, I'm sorry.

Ooh!

- What did we learn?
- Pizzas...

Can be bad.

Hey! Oh my gosh! No!

Why?

Savannah? What's wrong?

I don't wanna do my satellite project.

I wanna do my cricket project.

But if you do that, we'll lose.

You mean I'll lose!

This was supposed to be my project,

and you guys didn't let me do any of it!

- Well, we were just trying to help you win.
- Yeah.

I don't care if I win.

I just love science.

Frankie, what's wrong with us?

We are so sorry, Savannah.

We made this whole thing about us and
we totally ignored what you wanted.

Is there any way
we can make it up to you?

I have an idea.

- Chirp, chirp?
- Chirpity, chirp, chirp!

We could add some jokes if you want.

- Stick to the script.
- Okay.

Are you sure? 'Cause I still feel
like we could win this thing.

Do you want to make me cry again?

- Chirp, chirp, chirp.
- Chirpity, chirp, chirp!

The chirps keep getting louder.

This proves the existence of an
undiscovered cricket planet!

Ed, you were right!

Oh. No, no, no. I hear little kids.

It's obviously a science fair.

You are why no one talks to us here!

All right, Bernie. You've
had three glasses of water

and five bathroom breaks.

I'm ready for the presentation.

Right. The...

presentation Bizaardvark's
future depends on.

- Can I get more water? I'll just...
- Bernie.

Okay.

Here goes.

A lot of people ask, where does
the name Bizaardvark come from?

But we won't get into that today.

No. That's stupid.

That's blank. Now, don't
quit on me, Liam.

Quit.

Ah, to quit.

No more boring Vuuugle problems.

This is how a man should live.

Right, mermaids?

Liam yeah.

And that sums up

the future of Bizaardvark.

Any questions?

Uhh... nope.

That checks out.

Really?

Yes...?

Cool! No take-backs!
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